A/N:

It's been so long since I last updated that it's almost a year ago.

How time really flies fast.

I've been really busy with school work and my responsibilities as an officer that I just had the time to write now.

I'm finally graduating this year so yay for that! Haha.

Anyway, here is another chapter for you guys.

I hope you like it!

CHAPTER 23

Sam's POV:

The tension has been a constant part of our group, nowadays. It never left the air. We're all here, by some miracle; we're all finally together, in Santana's living room.

I'm really surprised that all of us showed up; I'm betting all of us wanted to see if this, whatever it is that's going on can still be fixed; that after all this havoc, we can still find some normalcy, we can be friends, just like old times.

Rachel's POV:

It's weird; all of us being here. Never in a million years did I think that it would be possible for all of us to be in the same room and not be happy. It's awkward. Everyone's testing the waters. All we ever manage to have are small talks. Everyone knows that something isn't right but no one is brave enough to admit it. We're all pretending that everything's fine again.

Quinn was telling stories about her college life in YALE; Santana was more like staring at her than actually listening, to be honest. Sam looks like he's actually listening, but the rest of us are just pretending to listen; they were too busy stealing glances at each other. And I can see it all.

"Anyways," Quinn said clasping her hands together, "enough about me. Who wants to share a story next?" But nobody seemed to be interested in sharing one for obvious reasons.

"This is lame." Santana said bluntly. "You guys are total downers."

"How about we play a game?" Sam suggested. "Spin the bottle."

Ah. The infamous spin the bottle.

"Too cliché if you ask me." Santana stated.

"How about a game of truth or dare?" I suggested next.

"How about just the truth?" Aria finally spoke, and we all turned our heads towards her, we all knew this isn't going to be fun.

"Aria…" Emily started but she was quickly cut off.

"What?" Aria said looking at Spencer for a second before turning her head back at Emily, crossing her arms. "We obviously lack honesty in this group. That's probably why this friendship is such a mess."

Hanna stared expectantly at Emily and Emily stared back at her apologetically. I think it might probably involve Spencer's feelings for Emily; it's the only reason I could think of.

"Aria, please." Spencer said more pleadingly, slightly confirming my conclusion.

"What's going on?" Hanna asked, directing her question at Spencer.

"I don't think that's a very fun game either, Aria." Santana tried to stop whatever it is that's about to go down but Aria doesn't look like she was going to back down.

"Who said this is about fun?" I've never seen Aria this upset before.

"Aria, not now." Spencer's eyes were pleading but her tone was more authoritative.

"You're the one who said that it'd be better if there would be no more secrets between us, isn't that right, Spencer?" Aria fired back.

"Aria, stop!" Emily stood up.

Aria smirked. "You gave me truth when I didn't ask for it. And now that I'm asking you to tell everyone else the truth, it's suddenly not a good idea? Why, Em? Because you know it's going to hurt Hanna? Because my feelings aren't as important as hers?"

"That's not true." Emily stated.

Aria stood up as well, and shook her head. She tried to walk away but Hanna stopped her.

"Don't leave. If you're so eager to let us know the truth, then say it." Hanna said, gripping Aria's arm, just tight enough to stop Aria from walking away, but gentle enough not to hurt her. They were both looking at each other intently.

"Hanna, let's talk in private, please?" Emily pleaded before Aria can answer but the blonde completely ignored her.

Spencer couldn't hold her tears anymore and a sob escaped her lips.

"Why are you crying?" Hanna asked, freeing her grip from Aria, and facing Spencer instead. "Spencer, answer me."

And before Spencer can react, Emily carried Hanna on her shoulders, leading her towards Santana's backyard.

"That was a dick move, Aria." Santana said straightforward, when Emily and Hanna were out of sight.

Aria just laughed humorlessly. "Because it's not okay hurting someone else's feelings but mine, right?"

"That's not true." Santana said with conviction.

"How dare you cry?" Aria asked, directing at Spencer who was being comforted by Sam and Quinn.

"What's going on?" I couldn't help it anymore. We're part of this group too, and Santana obviously knows something, leaving me, Sam and Quinn, the only ones that are clueless about the situation. "You can't expect us to just stand here and watch you cry and argue. You have to let us know what's going on."

Aria sighed. "Why don't you tell them, Spencer?"

Emily's POV:

"What made Aria so upset, Em? Please, tell me, because I can't help but think of these different scenarios and none of it is good. What is Spencer has to do with you?" Hanna pleaded, there were tears threatening to escape her eyes, but she's holding them back.

I'm pretty sure those scenarios in her head aren't too far from the truth which made it even worse. I wanted to hug her but I know she would just push me away because it isn't what she needs from me right now.

"We kissed." I said simply.

She breathed heavily. She didn't say a word for a minute; I could see so many emotions in her eyes that I couldn't single one out. "It's not like we're still together, right? It definitely didn't happen when we were still together…right?" She asked hopefully.

But I couldn't agree. I couldn't answer with a 'yes' or even just nod. I know it would've saved her pain, everything could've been a little bit better, but she deserved the truth.

She shook her head when she saw the guilt in my eyes. I know she was intently looking at me, wanting to meet my eyes but I couldn't do the same. "Look at me, please. Tell me you didn't cheat on me."

I looked up right after she said it. "I would never cheat on you." Was that considered as cheating? I know that what I did was wrong but I didn't cheat on her. "It wasn't like that. It didn't-"

"It obviously meant something. You would've told me if it didn't." she said while wiping her tears. "You should've told me sooner."

"It was the same night you broke up with me." I tried to explain. "I didn't had the chance to tell you" I honestly didn't know if I would've told her if I had the chance but, "that night I saw your bags packed and I couldn't think of anything else but making you stay."

She furrowed her brows.

" I'm sorry. I'm really, really sorry."

"Well, thank you for proving to me that I made the right decision that night." She said before gaining her composure and walking away.

Aria's POV:

I hate seeing my friends cry, especially Spencer. And I hate being the reason behind her tears. But I was so hurt and so envious; I wanted to cause someone else pain. I know it's not right and I can't give any right reasons to justify my actions; Spencer will probably hate me forever but I've already done it and I can't take it back.

I wanted to though; I want to take it back because I didn't know seeing Spencer cry would hurt me this much; it totally backfired to say the least. But I'm not going to admit that.

Spencer ran towards the bathroom and all of them followed her except Santana. She stayed looking at me.

"I'm leaving." I said but once again I was hindered to do so, this time by Santana.

"You don't get to leave." She said crossing her arms.

"This is not something that we can fix in just one day." I sighed. I just wanted to go home and clear my thoughts.

"So you're saying you're willing to fix this?" she smiled.

"No. I'm saying that we can't fix this in just one day." I said indifferently. I actually don't know. I want to, but I'm too scared of trying and not being successful with fixing it. I don't want to get my hopes up.

"Look, what Spencer and Emily did was wrong. It was a really crappy timing. But they never meant to hurt anyone. I hope you understand that." Santana explained.

"But it doesn't mean that I didn't get hurt." I defended.

"I know that you're hurt badly, but everything was starting to go so well…with you and Emily, and Hanna and Emily…"

"That's why I was angry that Spencer has to let me know and deal with it alone." I raised my voice in frustration. I didn't really want to talk to her about it for obvious reasons, and of course the rest of our friends don't know yet, so I couldn't really confide in them about how it hurt.

Before Santana could say anything back, Hanna entered the living room almost sprinting towards the door, but she stopped in front of us, her eyes were brimming with tears. "You shouldn't have done that." She managed to say to me. "But thank you." She said before continuing to walk away.

Soon after, Emily came out from the backyard and tried to catch her.

"Feeling guilty yet?" Santana said to me softly, much to my surprise. It didn't sound accusing or judging like I expected, just pure understanding.

"I would've cared but it's ruining me and I needed to stop." I said wryly.

"But you can't." It wasn't even a question. She just knows. And I couldn't deny it. I couldn't dare. "Because we're best friends. And nothing can ever change that."

"Not even love?" I questioned.

"Isn't that why we're all friends in the first place? Because we love each other?" She replied. "We have so much love, Aria. That's why I know that we can fix this. Love doesn't ruin relationships; lack of love does."

I didn't have to nod or say anything, for her to know that I agree. But that doesn't mean that everything will be fine again. We're still a work in progress; I realized.

Emily reappeared from the front door. She looked so tired, and her eyes were red from crying. She's probably mad at me right now. It seemed like her conversation with Hanna didn't go so well.

She looked at me straight in the eyes and I suddenly feel weak.

"I'm sorry." I heard her say. I waited for her to continue but that was it. And she just stood there with her head down.

I'm the one who's supposed to say sorry. "I'm sorry. I was mad and…" I started but she cut me off.

"It's okay. It's my fault." She said and I just couldn't agree with her. It's not okay and it wasn't her fault.

"That's not true." Santana and I said at the same time.

Now I really feel bad, and I didn't know how to make up for it.

Spencer and the rest of them soon came in the living room.

"I'm sorry, guys." Emily said to all of us. "I really am." She said as her voice cracked in the end and then a sob followed. I wanted to hug her but I didn't think it was an appropriate thing to do. I was embarrassed with how I acted earlier and really guilty.

"This is not your fault, Em." Spencer said rubbing her right arm with her left hand. She seemed to finally recover from what happened earlier. At least she seems like it.

"Maybe we should call this a day." Quinn suggested.

"Yeah. Let's all have some rest, and clear our minds." Rachel chimed.

We all decided to head home and follow Quinn's suggestion.

Emily decided to stay with Quinn and Santana, while Sam offered the rest of us a ride home. Rachel was quick to agree but Spencer politely declined. And I did the same.

Spencer started to walk home but I felt the need to apologize so I followed her. I still kept my distance though. I didn't know how to approach her so I decided to just walk with her three steps behind.

But then she stopped because I'm not the sneakiest person on Earth as I thought I was. "How long are you planning to follow me?" she said without looking back.

"I'm sorry." I said instead. I just felt really stupid telling her things like how I miss Emily and how I was so miserable without her, and being oblivious that there was something going on between them. Or at least something happened.

"If you would just let me explain..." Spencer said.

"I know what I did was wrong and I ruined our reunion…" I said with my head down. I can feel her eyes on me now.

"I needed to tell someone about it. I needed to tell you about it. And I know that it would break your heart and probably hate me forever, and that breaks my heart, but you deserve the truth. I realized that the sooner I told you, the sooner I can make up for it." Spencer said with tears threatening to escape her eyes again. "It was just a kiss." It wasn't just a kiss though, it was hers and Emily's and I know that it felt magical to her.

"I loved it, Aria. And I...it's like I can still feel her lips on mine sometimes. It's weird. I know, and I wouldn't trade it for the world." She said and her eyes were sparkling while talking. And I was somehow happy for her, because how can you not like seeing your best friend talk about something she passionately loves? But then again she's talking about someone I passionately love too.

"But seeing you cry that night?" she looked at me softly. "I realized that I was wrong; because if I could take that kiss back, I would have; if it meant that I'd be able to save you from more pain. Because I love you, Aria; because you're one of my best friends, and because I'd never be completely happy knowing that that happiness causes you pain; you and Hanna for that matter. So please forgive me. Please, because I won't be able to stand it, if you'd hate me forever."

I didn't notice the tears flowing from my eyes until something salty reached my lips. It must've been the way she said it; it was so sincere that every anger and disappointment in my body seem to have left already.

I reached for her in a warm embrace. "I don't hate you." Was all that I could say. And it was enough for her, judging by the way she hugged me back.

_
Emily's POV:

"Hanna, please talk to me." I kept knocking at her bedroom door. Ashley was generous enough to let me in their house even though I made her daughter cry.

But there was no response, just sobs from the other side of the door.

"Just let me explain. Please." I needed to talk to her. I can't let her cry herself to sleep.

"Honey, maybe you should give her some space." Ashley said softly.

I'm relieved that Hanna's mom didn't look like she was mad at me. But I don't know if that's still going to be the case if Hanna ever tells her what happened.

"Please tell her that I'm sorry. And that I love her so much." I said with an apologetic smile.

She nodded, "You should get some rest too. I'm pretty sure you had a rough day as well."

"Thank you. I just don't know if I can rest." I said truthfully. "But, I'll try."

And with that I left the Marin's residence.

Hanna's POV:

Emily has been constantly texting me for the next three days, but I haven't replied because I didn't know what to say. I have the right to be mad right? Like she said, it happened before we broke up.

It couldn't have not meant something. If it didn't mean anything she would've told me.

I hate that I have to fight with my friends for her attention. I hate how everyone seems too see how amazing she is and anytime they can steal her away from me. And I hate how she somehow lets them.

She kissed Spencer while we're in a relationship. And I'm just hoping that she didn't do it with Aria too. But I wouldn't be surprised if she did, although I would be enraged.

I'm just glad that she didn't insist that much on talking to me. I needed time to think.

I was snapped out of my thoughts when I heard a knock on the door.

"Hanna, it's me." I instantly recognized the voice. "You're not replying to any of my text so I thought-" she stopped mid-sentence when I opened the door and our eyes met.

"Come in." I said, but she was standing still and just stared at me. I looked at her expectantly, "Em." I moved aside motioning her to enter.

She then immediately stepped in my room, like she was worried that I'd change my mind.

I closed the door and waited for her to speak.

"You've been crying." She said probably noticing the bags under my eyes and how reddish my eyes were.

I didn't answer.

"I'm sorry." She said.

I leaned on the door, gripping the doorknob with my hands behind me. "I've heard that before."

She sighed. "It's because I've hurt you so much."

"Yes." I sighed. There's no point in denying it.

"Look, Hanna, you have every right to be mad at me. I'm not going to make up any excuses."

"Good. Because I don't want to hear it." I said harsher than I intended.

"I've been thinking." She started.

"Me too." I replied.

"I want you." She said quickly before I could say anything else.

She didn't realize how much her words affected me. She didn't know how long I've been waiting to hear that from her. But it's too late I've already made up my mind. I shook my head. "No, Em."

"You said you need to know what I want and I want you, Hanna." She said with conviction. She said looking straight into my eyes. I swear I could feel butterflies in my stomach flying wildly, like they want to be freed.

"Don't." I said. This wasn't how I planned it. We were supposed to end this.

"I'm in love with you, like I have always been." She continued.

"You don't get to say that." I was really trying to be as calm as possible but she's making it hard for me. "Not when you're not completely over with Aria or Spencer or whoever it is that you're still hung up with."

"They are both our best friends, Hanna. That's all there is."

"That's bullshit, Emily! We both know you and Aria are more than that. You were never just friends." She's not even acknowledging the problem; as if disregarding and denying her feelings would make it go away.

She didn't say anything. But I could see in her eyes that there was guilt caving in.

"I wanted so bad to hold on, Em. I swear. I just…" I just wish you didn't made me fall for you before you were sure of what you really wanted; I wish she figured out her feelings first.

She looked confused. "You just what?" frustrated, even.

"Aria loves you so much. And so does Spencer. I know because I can see it. I can see how they look at you. I can see how much they are willing to sacrifice to see you happy. " I explained. I know because she looks at me that way, and sometimes I catch them looking at her the same.

"Hanna, this is between you and me. All I need to know is if you feel the same way as I do." Emily sounded desperate. It was bittersweet. She sounded like she needed me in her life so much. It warms my heart knowing that I was needed.

"The thing is; I've always thought that I was special enough to be the one that you need. But when I look at them, I see myself, you know. The more I see how they love you, the more I realize that I'm just another girl who loves you."

"You were my girlfriend, Hanna." She tried to justify, like it should weigh as an explanation. And strangely enough it does. But it wasn't enough. "Just you."

"That's just because you gave us the chance, Em." I reasoned. "You and Aria had something, Spencer and you shared a kiss. And that happened when you already said that you love me, and even when we were already in a relationship." She looked defeated. "Do you get what I'm trying to say here?"

She shook her head; she was being stubborn. "Hanna, please give me another chance." She pleaded.

"What I'm saying is that maybe, I'm not enough for you." I finally said it. I didn't realize how that could physically hurt me until now.

"Hanna." She's trying to find the words; I can see her struggling "That's not true."

"It's okay. I don't blame you." She can't control what she feels just as much as I don't have control of mine. "If it isn't true none of this would've happened." I can see that it pained her just as much as it pained me.

Before she could say anything else I spoke again, "I don't want to hold you back, Em. I don't want the day to come, that when you look back, you'll regret that you chose me." She was about to answer back but I placed a hand on her lips for her to stop. "Just try to be with one of them. If you can't do it for you, then do it for me."

"Are you even listening to yourself, Hanna?" she said calmly but I could sense her frustration, anger even, but I know that she understands. "You're telling me to date other people when I just told you that you're the one that I want. I need you."

"I just need you to be sure, because I don't think I can ever handle having you and having to let you go, again."

"They are not lab rats, Hanna. You're basically telling me to experiment with my feelings through them."

"All I'm saying is that I'm not ready to give us another chance. And if you want to, you can date other people, and I wouldn't be offended. Explore your options; it's the only way to find out what you really want."

She shook her head stubbornly. "I know what I want." She said, as she placed both her hands on the door, with me in-between.

I gulped as her face leans closer. "Em." I barely managed to say. My throat went dry. And before I could say anything else her lips crashed mine. Before I even realized it, I was kissing back. Her hands moved to cup my face. I was quickly eating up my words. Our lips were in sync, I let go of the door knob behind me and placed my hand on the back of her neck while the other was placed on her waist.

We didn't stop until we both needed some air. Her forehead rested on mine. "I love you, Hanna."

Suddenly I was brought back to reality. "Em, stop." I said as I broke the contact. I distanced myself and sat on my bed. "We still need to end things between us. If ever we're going to be in a relationship again; I want a clean start. I meant what I said; I'm not ready yet."

"I understand that you're trying to look out for me. But this is my life. If there's anyone who would know what's best for me, it's me. And I'm telling you that I want you."

"God, Em. Do this for me. I want to do the right thing here but you're making it even harder for me than it already is."

"Then don't do the right thing." She said as she kneeled in front of me, looking directly at me, holding my hands. "You're the one for me, Hanna Marin."

I smiled sadly. "Then why doesn't it feel that way?" I asked, feeling the tears escaping my eyes.

When I felt her hands retreated, I was both relieved and disappointed. She looked so defeated that I almost want to take back all I said. Almost.

"Did I really make you feel that way? Like you weren't good enough?" she asked, her eyes were tearing up as well.

"I don't know. I was your girlfriend, but whenever Aria is in the same room, I never felt as secured with you. Sometimes even with Spencer." I really hate being vulnerable, but that's just what I am whenever I'm with Emily.

"Em. Do us a favor."

"Don't you understand why I kept coming back for you?"

"Because you're stubborn. Because you wanted to prove to me and to yourself that I'm wrong; that you really love me the most. But you can't even say it." I reasoned, she was about to retaliate but I continued, "Because you don't want to lie to me. Because deep down, you know, that if Aria had told you sooner what she felt about you, you wouldn't have let her go too. You're in love with her, Em. And as much as it pains me, I have to make you accept that; because if you weren't in love with her, it wouldn't be that hard for you to choose between me and her."

She didn't say a word but she stood up. "We're not even together anymore, but this sounds like a really sad breakup." She wiped my tears and kissed my forehead. "Doesn't it count that I'm choosing you now? Isn't that what matters now?"

"Em, you're smart. I know that you understand. You're just too stubborn to listen."

"I promise you-" She said before I stopped her.

"Don't make promises that you can't keep." I told her. "You don't have to promise me anything." I whispered.

She nodded with a sad smile etched on her face.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

A/N:

Any thoughts? Please let me know. I would really appreciate it :)