But I mean for reals, I'm so glad DJ didn't move to Oakland. Because if DJ had moved to Oakland, I'd have to move there too. I mean, Comet Jr Jr needs to see her son, Cosmo, sometimes. I don't care how many great restaurants open up on the east bay, DJ and I don't belong there. We belong in 94115. Of course I don't have any right to tell DJ where to live or what to do with her life. But I want to have that right. Which is why when I get off this plane I'm calling CJ and calling this whole thing off.

No I'm not. That would be heartless. CJ would be crushed. She loves me. She's in love with me. I can't hurt CJ. I already hurt DJ too many times. Hurting CJ would be like hurting like DJ all over again. CJ is my second chance to do better, to be better, to be the guy that I wasn't for DJ. Why can't I be that guy for both CJ and DJ? I wish I could marry both of them. Bigamy isn't wrong if you love both your wives, right?

Said no decent guy ever!

What am I talking about? Bigamy? As if. This is California, not Utah!

I have to decide. Before I get off this plane, I have to decide.

Steve, stop being a jerk. Who do you love?

Kimmy wants her seat back.

"No, Kimmy, I'm not moving. You should be sitting with your husband anyway."

"He's not my husband. Well, he is, but more importantly, he's my fiance and my baby daddy. But right now, he happens to be a royal pain in the rear, so I want my seat back. Actually, my seat is where Matt is, Matt should be here, but for some reason he wanted to talk to Stephanie."

"Whatever. I'm not moving."

"We'll see about that. Somebody will have to use the stinky bathroom at some point." (She walks back to the back of the plane to sit with her baby daddy.)

Oh crap. DJ's awake and she's looking at me with those perfect puppy dog eyes that scream, STEVE, YOU'RE MY SOULMATE. AREN'T SOULMATES SUPPOSED TO BE TOGETHER, AS IN WITH EACH OTHER, NOT PRETENDING TO BE IN LOVE WITH OTHER PEOPLE?

"Steve? When did you get here?"

I don't know what to say. Oh crap, what do I say? Do I tell her that I know, that I heard her unbelievable, incredible, horrible and wonderful at the same time confession?

"Steve, you're sweating."

Of course, I'm sweating, Deej. You're touching my forehead. If anything makes me sweat it's sitting next to the woman, who is my soulmate, and who just confessed to me (to Kimmy) that she sees me as her soulmate. Because we are soulmates. She was going to pick me! Oh my god, she was going to pick me!

"Steve, you're burning up." DJ calls the flight attendant over and soon she's putting a clear plastic cup to my lips and making me drink water.

"Were you sick before you got on the plane?"

I shake my head, still unable to find words. I like DJ taking care of me, though. I smile weakly at her as she coaxes the water into my mouth. She smiles back at me.

"Hey, you two, what's going on?" (That's Matt. He's standing over us. Go away, Matt.)

"Steve is sweating. I think he's dehydrated. At least I hope that's all and he hasn't got a fever."

"Oh that's too bad, I'm sorry," Matt says, but he doesn't sound sorry at all. "Hey, Steve, you mind sitting with Stephanie? I need to talk to Deej."

Deej? Stop calling her Deej. She's not your Deej.

"Sure," I say, standing up. I'm actually kind of relieved. I think putting some distance between me and DJ right now is a pretty good idea. Of course letting Matt sit with her is a very bad idea!