Wackiness, Wrestling, Captive Audience
"Sweety, wake up." A young girl's voice said. Tails shook his head as consciousness slowly returned to the two-tailed fox. Opening his eyes, Miles Prower found himself laying in Chris Thorndike's bed. He could hear what he thought was the sound of a crying baby coming from the other room.
"Where am I?" Tails asked, looking around. "What's going on?"
"Tails, sweety. You woke up." She exclaimed coming into the room. "You've been unconscious for five whole months."
"I… what!?" Tails' eyes went wide in horror. "What's going on? What happened?"
"Something wonderful has happened." Cream said, holding up the crying form she had wrapping in a blanket. "We multiplied; you're now a daddy." Tails immediately crossed his eyes and passed out.
"Ah, you're no fun." Cream pouted unwrapping the battery operated crying doll, she had wrapped in the blanket. "You're the worst boy I ever played house with."
"Ladies and Gentlemen, Welcome to the International Wrestling League's seventeenth annual Wrestlerama." The announcer's voice boomed over the PA system. "We have quite an exciting show for you tonight, so be sure to stay with us for an incredible evening of thrills and excitement."
"Man, I can't believe we got these awesome seats in the fourth row." Knuckles exclaimed. "I mean, all Sonic did was walk up and ask the people sitting here if we could have the seats and they just jumped up and ran away."
"Knuckles, they left because of the after effects of all those chili dogs Sonic ate." Amy Rose grumbled, a clothes pin on her nose. "This is why I always turn down any of Sonic's date offers when the place were eating has chili dogs on the menu."
"So, who do you think is wrestling tonight?" Vanilla asked fanning herself as she adjusted the clothes pin on her own nose. "Last time it was the Master Marauder taking on the Midnight Masher."
"Gee those sound more like kitchen utensils than wrestlers." Sonic chuckled. "But it should still be interesting to see a wrestling match between two humans instead of two mobians."
"Really, Mister Sonic?" Tanaka asked. "What is the difference between a mobian wrestling match and a human one?"
"Think of a wrestling match that turns into a game of dodgeball than into a game of pinball than finally ends when the bad guy buzzsaws the wrestling ring in half." Sonic replied. "In human wrestling, steel chairs and baseball bats are illegal weapons that villain wrestlers use anyway. In mobian wrestling, they are usually collateral damage."
"Good grief, it sounds less like a wrestling match and more like an episode of Dragonpearl Q." Chris noted.
"It looks like they are about to start the match." Amy noted. "Let's be quiet and see what happens."
"Ladies and Gentlemen, I present to you this evening's main event." The announcer said. "Currently in the ring, in the red corner, weighing in at 327 lbs is the masked mauler of Spagonia,"
The crowd burst into cheer as the mauler waved to the crowd and uttered his signature catchphrase, 'I hope she made lotsa spaghetti'."
"And in the blue corner, his challenger, weighing in at 400 lbs is the underdog from the Metropolis Zone, El Gordo Grande." Some people in the cheer gave a respectful cheer as El Gordo climbed onto the ropes and punched his fist.
"It's arriba time." El Gordo stated.
"Well, he certainly is… fat." Amy said with a disappointed sigh. "At least, he seems a nice enough fellow."
"True, and the muscular mauler at least makes the fight halfway interesting." Vanilla replied. The two opponents charged as the bell rang, punching and kicking and putting chokeholds on each other. The masked mauler managed to knock El Gordo; however, the fat one simply rolled over to the rope, grabbing them to pull himself back up. The mauler lunged at El Gordo who simply grabbed him by the trunks and flung him out of the ring.
"Ladies and Gentlemen, here is your winner: El Gordo Grande." The audience broke into a cheer as El Gordo flexed his muscles for the crowd. Just as the three women in Sonic's group each expressed their opinion.
"He's arrogant." Amy commented.
"He's rude." Vanilla agreed.
"I'm in love." Ella exclaimed. As if hearing what the cleaning lady in the crowd had said, El Gordo turned to where the three sat and Ella a wink. The fat wrestler turned back just in time to see another luchador attacking him.
"Hey good hombre, good match there." The other wrestler told him, picking up El Gordo and throwing him. "Let's see what you do against the might of El Magnifico." The muscular luchador tossed El Gordo around like a ragdoll, throwing him against the ropes and slamming him several times. It seemed the rotund wrestler couldn't get a hit in on the larger luchador until El Magnifico lifted him high over his head. "The weight… it's too much." His muscles beginning to buckle under the strain of all El Gordo's fat. "Adios, muchacho. I'm outta this match." Suddenly, the whole ring caved in with El Magnifico falling through the floor. His opponent stood up in the middle of the crushed ring and began to bow to the audience.
"Ladies and Gentlemen, I present to you the winner of your match: El Gordo Grande." The announcer stated; the audience burst into thundering applause showering the obese wrestler with roses, confetti, and some ladies' frilly unmentionables.
"Good grief, I can't believe all the attention they are showering on this weiner." Sonic rolled his eyes. "He just used his fat to win the match."
"You don't know what you are talking about." Ella declared, holding her hands up to her face. "He is the most attractive man I've ever seen."
"You would think that you Swedish meatball." Knuckles exclaimed, shaking his fist at the ring. "That tub of lard isn't so tough. I'll take him on with both knuckles tied behind my back."
"Alright, you think you can do it, Knucklehead." Sonic exclaimed picking the echidna up and throwing him into the ring. "Here you go."
"Ladies and Gentlemen, we have a new challenger. And this time, a mobian, will our up and coming hero be able to handle it?" The announcer said.
"Come on, El Taco Belgrande." Knuckles waved him in a challenging manner. "I'll grind you up into burger bits."
"Knuckle… I mean, bring it on." El Gordo stated. The echidna charged at him, plummeling him with a barrage of fists.
"This will show you fatzo." Knuckles stated.
"Haha, that tickles." El Gordo declared as his fat absorbed all of the blows. "Now, it is time for my signature move… The Belly Bounce." Pulling his gut inwards, El Gordo Grande unleashed a furious blow knocking the surprised echidna clean out of the ring and sending him, slamming back to seat upside down.
"Knuckles, are you alright?" Sonic asked, actually sounding concerned. "What happened?"
"But mother, I don't want to go to school…" Knuckles answered, with stars going around his head. "I wanna stay home and bake cookies with you."
"Mr. Sonic, you cannot just sit there and let your friend take this kind of humiliation." Vanilla declared. "You need to get up and challenge that obese bully."
"So what about it, hedgehog? Care to step into the ring with the best and fattest?" El Gordo asked beating his stomach like a drum. "I'll sit on your head and squash it like a cantaloupe." He suddenly expelled a little flatulent. "Make that a stinky cantaloupe."
"Come on, Sonic. You can take that big thug." Amy cheered him on.
"Fine, I'll fight him." Sonic stated, as he stood up and jumped into the ring. "Bring it on, tubby." He snapped.
"En Garde." El Gordo said, charging him. Sonic spin attacked the obese wrestler in the gut, sending him stumbling backwards into the ropes. Diving underneath the round wrestler, the blue blur grabbed the back of his trunks and pulled him down onto his back.
"Hey look, it's a trampoline." Sonic declared, jumping on his gut.
"Ow, oh, oh."
"Boingy, Boingy, Boingy." Sonic continued.
"Why you impudent little guinea pig." El Gordo grabbed the blue hedgehog and threw him down onto the mat. "I'll show you whose boss. YAA!" Grande attempted to body tackle him, but Sonic was too quick. He circled around and around the fat fighter, trying to make El Gordo dizzy.
"Had enough yet, fatzo?" Sonic asked with a smirk. "Or am I going to rough you up more?"
"I should be asking you that." El Gordo to reply. Waiting for Sonic to circle around behind him, El Gordo suddenly fell backwards without any warning. Catching the blue blur off guard, El Gordo squashed the unsuspecting hero like a grape.
"OH NO, SONIC!" Amy squealed.
"He totally flatten him." Chris declared.
"Is this the end of Sonic?" Mr. Tanaka asked aloud.
"Will our hero be able to survive?" Ella continued. Knuckles turned out to face open air.
"Tune in next time dear readers," Knuckles answered. "Same hedgie time, same hedgie story." The other five looked at him.
"Oh dear, I think Mr. Knuckles is still suffering from that blow to the head." Vanilla finished sadly.