I finally fell back into a fitful sleep bombarded with nightmares of his smell, his face, his tongue, his touch! A shudder in my sleep woke me up once more I heard the upstairs door open and close followed by a very brief pause then the basement door, my heartbeat tripled in speed my breath came in short gasps and my hands had a death grip on my bed sheet once I heard a pair of light footsteps I knew it wasn't him and I calmed significantly down by the time I met Fangs dark eyes I was working on getting my breathing back to normal he met my eyes and his eye brows scrunched together in confusion.
"Don't worry were just here for the free wifi." Iggy joked behind him I locked eyes with him and saw he was worried.
"Damn Max I know Fang's scary but no need to have a panic attack on us." I let out a breathy laugh still trying to breath normal and laid my head back to study the ceiling and calm down further, until I heard the basement door again and I became rigid and froze staring at the top of the stairs again.
"Max? What happened while we were gone?" Fang asked bluntly staring right at me not dancing around the question at all I didn't reply just continued to stare at the dark shadow that cast over the doorway not revealing what hide beneath its cover until I heard a quiet squeak.
"Max?" I almost choked how quickly my breath forced out a reply "Ari?!" I choked, little feet almost stumbled down the stairs in a blur as they raced towards me he plowed into me with the force of his full weight which wasn't much but with his speed it was enough to make me squeak out as my stomach flared in pain he tried to pull away and apologize but I held his small face in between both my hands and pulled him into a giant bear hug wrapping my arms around his back I refused to show him how much pain I was in.
"Don't you dare apologize you've done nothing wrong buddy I was just surprised to see you is all."
"So I didn't hurt you?" he asked turning his head slightly to the left in a slight tilt he let his eyes search mine for a lie so I smiled my biggest smile just for him and ruffled his hair.
"Of course not, you think you'r tough enough to hurt me?" I asked playfully, he took the bait and punched my shoulder lightly.
"I've been getting big and strong!" he puffed out his chest with glee holding his arms above his head he flexed I of course had to gush how it was true and how he was so much bigger than the last time I saw him and how one day he'll be bigger then me if he keeps it up which he beamed in reply.
"Daddy's not home so I thought we could play!" he said practically bouncing in my lap with joy and excitement I tried thinking of any way to tell him I can't leave the bed with out worrying him.
"Umm ... well buddy it's ... it's just that" I was pounding my brain for a thought, anything! When suddenly Fang spoke up unexpectedly "We came to play with Max, and she promised we could play in her room today." he smoothly replied, there wasn't much creativity behind it but for a four year old he just might buy it.
He squinted his eyes at the two figures it looked like he just noticed and his eyes grew huge he froze I loosened my grip on him and held him away from me.
"Hey buddy you ok?" I asked worriedly he just let his jaw hang open when he suddenly jumped up and ran over to our guests and started jumping around a million miles a minute smiling from ear to ear.
"You brought friends Maxi! You brought friends!" he kept pointing at them excitedly I just giggled and watched him with pleasure "You talked about your friends but didn't bring any to play ever, I thought you lied Maxi, but look you brought friends!" he grabbed Fang and Iggy by their fingers and dragged them to my bed "Sit down" he demanded still smiling from ear to ear.
"Tell me about how you play at school! Maxi tells me about your games about all her friends she has, she said she she she" he started stuttering because of how fast he was trying to speak but no one interrupted we just let him talk to us content on listening but I had a bad feeling where this story was going was he gonna start telling them the stories I would tell him so he believed I wasn't alone, that I was happy.
"She said she has lots of friends like umm, ummmm Lissa! and and Fang and Sam but she doesn't have a favorite friend because she has to many to pick one but she likes to sit at lunch with Dylan and how." I grabbed his wrist and pulled him to me and buried his face in my shoulder trying to collect myself from being utterly mortified "They were there Ari remember so they already know about my friends, how about we talk about your friends at your school instead?" I asked refusing to look at either of them even though I could feel their stares.
"Nooo Maxi" Ari whined "You always ask about school, I don't wanna talk about my school." he crossed his arms in defiance I rose and eyebrow at him "Oh really? Ok then what do you want to do instead then?" I asked him thoughtfully he put his hand to his chin looking deep in thought then he smiled and ran to the boxes I sighed already knowing what he was going for, sure enough he ran back with an old brown tattered looking book and wiggled into my lap impatiently he pointed to the book and looked at Fang and Iggy.
"Wanna know stories about mommie? Maxi knows lots of stories about mommie!" they exchanged glances with each other then looked at me to know if it was ok to listen I let out a heavy sigh but nodded once slowly Iggy walked to the other side of the bed and leaned closer to get a better view Fang just sat up straighter looking right over my shoulder I took in a deep breath and opened up the first page carefully, it was already falling apart in so many places but still remained intact somehow.
"Ok first page here we go." On the first page was our mother beaming at the camera trying to keep a hold on a wriggling little 5 year old girl who had long dirty blonde hair down to her waist and was scowling at her captor, trying desperately to break free. I smiled at the picture of us and tried not to tear up so I flipped the page and kept going until we were to the second to last page where I had slipped in a couple of out of place pictures of Ari.
He was so young that I only told him how much our mother loved us and how she got sick and went to heaven but he didn't know all the dirty little details of the family that 'our' mom was just my mom and she died when I was seven years old from cancer and how our dad had moved on to another woman quickly to cope I suppose and he got her pregnant with Ari, well low and behold she wasn't ready to be a mom and abandoned Ari with Jeb as soon as he was born and ditched town, Ari deserved to believe his mom loved and wanted him, that he was special and perfect, so I told a lie, a really big continuous lie.
Looking at how happy he was though as I told him stories of her, it was all worth it.
When we were all done I closed the book and looked at the clock it was nearing bed time for Ari, where was Jeb? Not that I was complaining but he was normally good at being a parent to at least Ari I don't know if it was his humanity but for some reason, so far, he loved his son.
I looked down at Ari rubbing his eyes with his tiny fists he yawned then slouched into me he whispered sleepily "Maxi? Will you sing me a song? Pweaassee?" I caved at the adorable mispronunciation of please I smiled at him sure thing buddy I pushed some hair out of his face and tucked it tenderly behind his ear. "What song do you want to hear?"
He looked thoughtful then looked tilted his head all the way back to look at me from his spot in my lap "You pick" I smiled even wider I thought about it and started to hum the melody before coming in with the lyrics.
Come stop your crying
It will be alright
Just take my hand
And hold it tight
I will protect you
From all around you
I will be here
Don't you cry
I couldn't take my eyes off his as I sang him the song that perfectly describes my protectiveness and love for him.
For one so small,
You seem so strong
My arms will hold you,
Keep you safe and warm
This bond between us
Can't be broken
I will be here
Don't you cry
'Cause you'll be in my heart
Yes, you'll be in my heart
From this day on
Now and forever more
You'll be in my heart
No matter what they say
You'll be here in my heart
Always
Why can't they understand the way we feel
They just don't trust what they can't explain
I know we're different, but deep inside us
We're not that different at all
And you'll be in my heart
Yes you'll be in my heart
From this day on
Now and forever more
Don't listen to them
'Cause what do they know
We need each other, to have, to hold
They'll see in time, I know
When destiny calls you, you must be strong
I may not be with you
But you got to hold on
They'll see in time, I know
We'll show them together
'Cause you'll be in my heart
Believe me you'll be in my heart
I'll be there from this day on
Now and forever more
You'll be in my heart
No matter what they say
You'll be here in my heart
Always
Always I'll be with you
I'll be there for you always
Always and always
Just look over your shoulder
Just look over your shoulder
Just look over your shoulder
I'll be there
Always
As I finished I looked down at him and saw him breathing deeply signifying he was in deed asleep I pulled him next to me instead of on me and curled around his small figure I just held him until he started snoring I giggled at how quickly he could fall deeply asleep I started to stand up, it was almost intolerable, almost.
I bent over to try and pick him up so I could take him to his own warm bed with blankets and his comforting stuffed animals but as my arms curled under him I felt a firm hand on my shoulder I looked over at Fang who nodded down at Ari and whispered "I got it" I looked at him for quite some time balancing my options, I in no way trusted anyone with Ari, but on the other hand do I really trust myself right now to carry him?
I clenched my fists feeling useless I moved aside so he could grab him I was surprised that he was so gentle and barely jostled Ari at all "Where to?" Fang asked I started walking towards the stairs stiffly I saw Fang roll his eyes at my stubbornness but this was my compromise for not being able to carry him, I would not leave him unless I 100% trusted that person and I was warming up to Fang but trust was another story.
I walked up the stairs with false confidence like I had no problem with having my body clawing at my skin with its acid tipped finger nails dragging down my insides with vigor enjoying me in pain.
I continued past the basement door and wanted to collapse sobbing when I started for the second set of stairs "Could just tell me." ground out Fang through clenched teeth "Nope" I replied popping the p We reached the top and went to the third door down I twisted the knob and slowly walked the door open Fang walked to Ari's bed and with one hand held him to his chest and with the other he pulled the blankets down he then carefully placed Ari down being wary of his head he then pulled up the blankets to his neck and placed the wolf stuffed animal right next to his head.
I couldn't help but have a wave of affection hit me as he was so careful with him as if Ari was precious to him to as if he were his own baby brother to gently tuck in.
We both stepped outside of the room then with one swift motion he scooped me up bridal style and started walking to the stairs I crossed my arms and glared daggers at him "The hell you think your doing?!" I whisper shouted "Put me the hell down!" I wanted to struggle but it hurt more so I settled on glaring.
"Helping you, now stop resisting it" he replied "I'll drop you off at the top of the basement stairs so Iggy doesn't see and damage your pride." he said rolling his eyes
I opened and closed my mouth a couple times not knowing how to respond I finally settled on scowling and sinking deeper in his arms but making sure it was noticeable how upset I was, as promised he put me down but then walked away to the kitchen "Where are you going?" I whispered into the shadows he disappeared into, no response of course I throw my hands into the air with exasperation then head down the stairs.
I make it to my bed stiffly I start to lay down then I felt a soft thud next to me on the mattress I look over at a large pack of crackers I look up at Fang's receding back as he walks to the wall to sit down "To damn light" he mumbles my eyes grow wide with shock I look at the food then him then the food I slowly reach out a hand taking it as the wrapper crinkles in my hand I suddenly feel like I owe him or something so I blurt out "Thank you! I mean for you know ... a lot .. just thanks" then blush fiercely at his need to always jumble my words, how does he do that.
"Your welcome" he finally replied acknowledging me "So why are you guy back?" I ask out of curiosity he shrugged "Our house is a really far walk and we weren't told where to go after school so since Terry didn't show up to give us a ride and we didn't take the car this morning, figured its what we were suppose to do.
I nodded accepting his answer and turned over in bed quietly munching on crackers until I drifted of into sleep.
Song used by Phil Collins, You'll be in my heart.
Disclaimer