Chapter 80 already O.o will I ever finish this story?

Anyways, sorry for the delay! I've been busy with college work AND video games XD

Warning: Serious smut for y'all.

Disclaimer: I do not own Attack on Titan.

EIGHTY

-"I can do this, Jean."

My boyfriend was undergoing yet another panic attack after two weeks of peace, roughly speaking, -"I know you can. I believe in you."

Marco was sitting on an armchair and was gripping its arms firmly, breathing in and out sequentially, -"I'm afraid but it's okay. It's not real, today is."- He repeated, shutting his eyes closed and breathing deeply and steadily. His mother told him he had to be aware of his panic and accept it, that it was pointless to deny it or fight it. After that, he has to wait and watch, let relief come to him and avoid jumping into action.

-"That's right."- I affirmed and stood still before him, watching him closely in case it gets worse. He's doing good. I know he can make it.

After several minutes, he took one final intake of breath before he exhaled dramatically and slacked on the chair, worn out. I immediately thought he passed out and reached for him, but he spoke up, -"I'm okay, Jean,"- He sighed and wiped the sweat from his forehead with his arm, -"I'm just... tired."

-"Want me to take you to bed?"- I asked, watching as he tried to propel up with his wobbly arms, but instead, he tumbled back down.

-"Please..."- He nodded slowly.

-"Up you go,"- I said as I hitched one arm below his legs and the other around his back. I hefted him up, carried him to bed and laid his body flat, -"Rest, okay?"- I stroked his hair, aware of the after uneasiness a panic attacks leaves him with.

After another handful of minutes of rubbing his hair, my boyfriend finally managed to relax and find slumber. I scattered the bed's sheets across his sleeping body and gave him a sweet peck on his lips before stepping away. I watched him sleep for the rest of the morning until one of his nurses came by to check up on him -oh, and Rubert was with them, -"Uh... he had a panic attack this morning."- I got the hint that he was just a freelancer, that this "checking up on Marco" was just his ticket to get in here. One of the nurses was arguing with him about his unnecessary attendance, that he wasn't asked to come here.

I ignored them but kept a watchful eye on Blondie -who just gasped really loud. The nurses hushed him. He hadn't known Marco's recent condition, -"I'll have Celine know as soon as possible."

-"No rush. He took care of it just fine."- I rose from the armchair and sauntered close to him. I watched his sleeping figure with a tender smile on my face. My boyfriend has gotten a lot better.

-"He did?"- Asked one of the nurses, clearly astonished, unable to believe it.

-"Yeah, I was here."

-"Dear God...,"- She murmured and just then, her phone rang. She quickly answered it, not wanting to wake Marco up, -"Hello, Mrs. Bodt. Yes, I'm actually here right now. His companion just told me he had a heart attack but has managed to pacify it on his own. Yes, yes, I'll tell him right away,"- The nurse hung up and turned to me, -"At any rate, you will both be discharged from the hospital very soon. I came to check up on you before you do, but I'll come back later,"- She turned to leave but stop on her heels, -"Oh, Celine said she'll come by soon."

I nodded, -"Thanks."- I turned towards Marco but did a double take on Blondie. He was looking at me with a sorry expression as he was pushed out of the room like he was remorseful for committing the biggest crime ever. My brows knitted and I just looked away. Maybe I'm making a big deal out of it but I can't forget what the douchebag did to us -and he didn't do anything, but asking us for a threesome in a hospital was plain nasty of him. We barely know him, for fucks sake!

Around noon, Celine showed up right after Marco awoke. She ran some finals tests before we depart the next week. She asked Marco a few questions about how he's feeling and confirmed that his depression was days away from completely vanishing. It has been a month now and he hasn't shown any symptom of PTSD so she didn't diagnose him with him. Still, she warned that Marco can't stop taking the antidepressants yet because if he does, then it might cause serious withdrawal problems. She said he has to consume them on a less dose and continue to deduct it, very carefully and slowly, until he stops completely.

I literally jumped from the chair and crashed myself on him, arms wide, and hugged him firmly, -"Fuck, I'm so relieved!"- I was crying on his shoulder, can you believe that? -"Fuck..."

He hugged me back after chuckling lowly, -"Jean, don't cry..."- He said and murmured something else -something along the lines of 'get the camera', but it wasn't to me. When I heard Celine chuckle behind me, I perked my head up and saw him smiling and pointing at something.

-"Hey!"- I exclaimed and started tickling him, -"You're not taking pictures of me crying, no way Jose."

Marco laughed out loud as sweet and vivid as I remember and love. It brought me so much joy that I couldn't hold another handful of tears drip from my eyes. It made him laugh more and brought me, even more, happiness.

-"Jean, we have to run one last CT scan of your rib cage before you go."- Celine gestured to the door, but before I followed her, I looked back at Marco.

-"I'll be okay, Jean, don't worry."- He reassured with a smile on his face and confidence in his eyes.

I kissed his cheek, -"I'll be back, yeah? And we'll go home next week."- Really, I couldn't wait for it anymore. I was desperate to go home and forget about all this for a few weeks.

Marco nodded and I followed Celine outside. We took the elevator and arrived at the familiar room were a huge machines waited for me -and Zackly too. I hadn't drink or eaten anything for the test so the dye, contrast thing could make more effect. Zackly gave it to me through the vein in my hand, transfixing the sharp needle through the narrow area. I flinched and hissed, -"Fuck, just warn me next time, old man!"

-"There won't be a next time, Kirshtein. You're leaving next week and this will be your final scan."- He said flatly, focused on the liquid flowing in my vein. Ever since we had that talk about my dad, he's been kinda serious, more than he already is. I'm not shaken up about it, but it's kind of worrying me, I'll admit. I had asked him if he could understand Dad if his wife died and he actually said yes, that he too would disappear from other people, including his daughter. I hope I haven't done any permanent damage...

Aside from that, it's pretty obvious I don't bode well for him. He hates me. I'm his worst patient ever, the hardest and the most difficult he's ever dealt with. I'm disobedient, rebellious, quarrelsome and last but not least, gay. All the things he hates are in me and he really wanted me to go already. I made him snap and lose temper numerous times.

-"Do not move."- He said as he pushed the hard table I was on into the spiral thingy. He turned the machine on and the thing started rotating above me. I really had to put all my effort into not moving a finger because I had this bugging light right over me, stinging the fuck out of my eyes.

I stayed still for half an hour, singing stupid songs in my head to distract myself. When I was pulled out, I quickly sat up and felt my back sore, -"The results will be available and examined for at least five days. Do try to enjoy the hospital instead of blowing it up."- He said, giving me a snob and shrewd look before he turned to leave.

I cringed. Jesus, I don't like it much, but I don't hate it that much, -"Hey, old man,"- I spoke before he could leave, -"I'm sorry about the stuff I said that other day. You really pissed me off, but I shouldn't have said those things."- I don't usually do this, but this guy might have saved my life a few times. He also gave me time to reconcile with my mother, so it was very ungrateful of me to snap at him like I did.

-"It is...,"- He stopped on his track and sighed, -"... alright, Jean."- Is it me or is his voice shaky?

-"Huh, you said my name."- It might sound like an exaggeration, but my name was like a taboo for him.

-"Take care,"- He added and turned on the door knob, -"And take care of him as well. Your strains have barely begun."

-"Wait, the hell do you...,"- And he left, just like that, leaving my mouth gaped, -"... mean?"- Okay, that was really weird and eerie, -"Fucker..."- I cursed and dismounted the hard table.

I made way towards the elevator and as it descended and made stops, the old man's words kept spinning in my head more than I'd like to admit. Why did he mean by that? Are that things gonna get even more difficult for me and Marco? How the hell does he know that in the first? He can't be that smart, can he? I mean, come on, it's impossible for him to know my future and it's stupid of me to think this much about it.

I was so into my mental skirmish that I hadn't noticed Rubert sauntering in after the elevator made a stop. I flinched at his presence and growled. Jesus, Jean, calm down. He hasn't done anything yet.

Yet.

I was tapping my foot against the elevator's floor in desperation, but the more I tapped, the longer it took this damn fucker to reach my floor.

-"You're a literal time bomb, Jean."- He suddenly spoke after a low chuckle.

Sure enough, I blew up, -"What do you want, Rubert? Can't you leave us alone?"- I've spotted him following us around recently, trying to get in and out of our room clandestinely, but I've closed the door. He has also tried to take advantage of times like these when I'm asked to take a test and this time, he succeeded but it was because I was distracted. Previously, I've avoided him.

-"God, I just want to talk, jeez."

-"Then talk or better yet, don't. I don't wanna hear it."- I looked straight at the elevator's door, ready to run off the second it opens.

-"You don't have much choice. We're in an elevator, remember?"- I was about to reply to that until he interrupted me, -"Look, I just wanted to apologize for... that day, you know. That was really kinky and inappropriate of me."

-"You bet it was."

-"So yeah, I'm really desperate and I tried to make moves on both of you, but I shouldn't have. I screwed everything up,"- He started rambling while leaning against the opposite wall of me. He knew he had to keep his distance, or else, -"You guys are literally the only ones who speak to me like I'm a normal person, not just some effeminate playing dress up and makeup. You don't call me Barbie, princess or drama queen and you don't treat me like an expendable guy."

I was slowly gazing at him. I had a good guess who treated him like that.

-"And it's not insulting, really, because that's what I like, what I am, but it's getting old and tiresome,"- He admitted and turned to look at me, -"So I'm asking you to forgive me; I want us to have funny and normal conversations, for everything to be as it was, I want... to be your friend again."

I quirked an eyebrow. I'll be honest and say I hadn't considered him a friend yet, but I know what he means and honestly, I wasn't keen on forgiving him. I can be little jerky sometimes -what am I saying? All the time. Still, the more I consider it, the softer I got. At least, he's apologizing, right? It would've been worse if he didn't. It's the whole Zackly thing again; Rubert, even though he didn't play a major role, was there when Marco and I were at our worst and I, big jerk I am, was ungrateful. Other than that, I sympathize with him. Being treated like shit for what you are was also something I've been through.

I sighed, -"Alright, Blondie. We... -I forgive you,"- Pretty boy gasped and had an impulse to hug me but I stopped him, -"You should speak to my boyfriend, but I'll be watching you."

He nodded briskly, with impetus and eagerness.

Back at out room, Marco was reading one of his books and when he perked his head up at the shriek of the door. His eyes widened a bit at Blondie, -"Umm..."- He was speechless, totally not expecting me to appear with him.

-"He has something to tell you,"- I turned to him and knitted my brows, -"Make it quick. I'll be watching and if you try anything, I'll-"

-"I know, I know, you'll beat me to a pulp and knock me out cold like those guys at your school. Chill,"- My expression hardened and he snorted, -"I've seen your vids, Jean, like every other med here,"- He breathed deeply and walked closer to Marco, -"Marco, I wanted to apologize..."- He told Marco the same thing he told me.

Marco was moved and I can see he totally sympathized with him. His eyes watered and all while mines just rolled, -"Yes, of course, I forgive you!"

-"Oh my God, thank you so much!"- Unlike me, Marco allowed Blondie to hug him -oh, and they hugged alright, too much for my comfort.

-"Okay, okay, that's enough."- I said and pulled them apart, standing in between them.

Rubert snorted, -"Oh, he's jealous and I haven't even-"

-"Hey, Blondie, don't you have to be somewhere else?"- I interrupted him without even considering my words. Fuck, I need to chill out.

He laughed nervously and scratched his neck, -"I do, in fact,"- In spite of being the end of my hateful comments and glares, he smiled and waved us goodbye as he walked towards the door. He turned the knob but before he stepped out, he looked at us over his shoulder, -"Thank you, guys. This means a lot to me. Maybe we can watch a few movies this evening? I got a few back home."

Marco quickly nodded, and briskly, at that, -"Sure!"- Fuck, no heavy and hot evening for me and Marco then.

-"Take care!"- And with that, he left.

Marco turned to me, -"That was really sweet of him, don't you think?"

Ugh, I hated how that sounded. I'm supposed to be the one sweet-talking him, -"Yeah, sure."

Marco giggled and poked me continuously, -"You're cute when you're jealous too."

I turned to him abruptly, gripped his hips and pulled him close to me, -"Oh yeah?

He nodded, a playful smile blooming on his lips as he ran his index finger trough my jawline, -"Mjum."

His touch prickled and thrilled me and I couldn't hold the urge to draw my face near his. Our lips quickly met and moved in synch, their smooth and glossy surface sliding through mine's without trouble. His tongue stuck out of his mouth and traveled into mines, quickly meeting with my tongue and executing the usual dance. I hadn't felt Marco's hand slithering up my rear neck and disappearing in the mess of my hair until now. He gripped it and pushed my head even closer, deepening our kiss to another level. His tongue toured my mouth and my body vibrated in pleasure as mine's stranded his. Aroused and keen for more, I slid my hands all the way to his thigh and hoisted him up. I carried him to bed, -"J-Jean... hold on...,"- He wheezed and parted from my lips reluctantly. A drool cord formed when he did, -"Not here..."

Fuck, I don't want anywhere else. I want a comfy bed, -"No one's coming..."- I murmured, nearing my face to his again.

But he stopped me, -"Jean."

I huffed and muttered a tiny curse, -"Fine."

With Marco still in my arms, I walked towards the bathroom and shut the door close before ramping down to the floor. Once I straddled him with my knees on the cold tiles, Marco hooked his arms around my neck and pulled my head down, smashing my lips against his. We kissed madly before I started sucking the sweet skin on his neck ravenously. My boyfriend moaned and crooned my name as he desperately undid my shirt. Once successful, Marco raked his hand across my toned back and abdomen. His touch fueled my lust and I started biting and licking his earlobe more vigorously. His body reacted; it vibrated and churned, begging for more pleasure and kindling me.

I trailed my tongue down to his shoulder and even lower to his chest. I strew open his shirt and started nibbling on his nipple. Marco bleated my name and hitched his body up, -"Jean...!"

I licked it lecherously and pressed on it. It was moist and spongy and the more I bit it, the harder my boyfriend got.

Marco moaned sharply and erected. I felt his hard-on thump against my groin. His excitement thrilled me. Fuck, I really enjoy making him stir-up. I really enjoy pleasuring him and hearing his moans echo. I just simply loved it; it sent gleeful shivers across my whole body and it made me feel good.

Deadset on not killing his turn-on, I rubbed my thumb deep in his groin as I kissed his neck, -"Marco..."- I stroked the area more rapidly and Marco groaned and wheezed, his hot breath reaching my ears.

-"Jean... just..."- He babbled, choking on his moans.

-"Hmm?"

-"I..., Jean, just...,"- He fastened my stroke with his own hand and panted, struggling to form the words, -"... just suck my cock!"

My head perked up and my eyes widened, -"Whoa, Marco..."- He has never bleated something like this before. Usually, he never tells me exactly what he wants and certainly not like this. I just figure it out and continue pleasing him. I always thought he never did because it was embarrassing for him. Well, not anymore.

He puffed and I saw his face extremely red, -"You're so good at this, so please..."- His eyes told me everything. He really wanted me to blow him, bad.

I grinned and licked my lips, -"Whatever you wish, baby."- I made way down south and tugged his underwear, exhibiting his nice and hard cock. It was erected and gradually spewing cum. I gripped it and dipped it in my mouth, sucking on it and throttling down each drop of his sweet cum. Marco moaned and shook madly with each suction and press. With my other hand, I fondled his groin and testicles playfully, making him spew even more cum.

-"Jean...,"- He babbled, -"... harder, please...!"

My eyes widened for a second time. Oh boy. He's hella horny. He has never yelled like that. My conversation with Diego suddenly popped in my mind. I remember he asked me if Marco preferred for me to be subtle during our heavy moments. I replied to him that I wasn't sure, but now I am, and Marco wants me not to be subtle -or well, not too subtle. I guess there's a limit somewhere there. I, on the other hand, want him to fuck me as hard as he can, no holding back.

As he wished, I sucked him harsher, ushering an orgasm in him. He bleated my name more times than I could count and he even gripped my hair and started jerking my head, thrusting his dick deeper in my mouth, -"Jean!"- An incessant amount of cum sprayed down my throat when he reached his craved bliss.

His grip on my hair eased and I slowly parted from his cock, propelling my body up. Cum dripped from my gaped mouth as I panted heavily. Okay, I admit, that left me breathless and exhausted.

Marco called me, worried, and I crawled closer to him, -"Jean, are you...?"- He hoisted up, supporting his body with his elbow on the tiles.

I licked his cum out of my lips and into my mouth, savoring it's sweetness, -"Yeah, I'm good."

Marco bit his lip, but his smiled beat him.

-"You?"- It was stupid to ask something like this. His expression was of pure bliss.

Marco cheeks lit up as he nodded slowly and shyly, -"Mjum."

-"You surprised me back there, babe,"- I said, unable to brush off my growing grin, -"That was something I'll never forget."

Marco blushed more and bit his lips, -"I couldn't hold it anymore..."

I chuckled and nuzzled his neck, -"It's fine, babe. You know you can ask me anything and I'll indulge you,"- I stuck my tongue out and started stroking it up and down his neck, -"Your wishes are my command..."

My boyfriend's body shook in pleasure again as he pulled me closer by tugging my unbuttoned shirt, -"Jean, I... want to touch you now."

Uff, my body prickled as his soft, mellow voice, -"If that's what you want..."- I'm not complaining, nu-uh.

-"Is that what you want?"- His usual tender smile bloomed, -"You always think about me, but what about you? Why don't you think of yourself?"

I just shrugged. I knew the answer, though: I care more about him and he knows that, but he wanted me to say it, -"You know me, Marco. I care more about you."

His face lit up as he narrowed me lovingly. He likes that, but at the same time dislikes it. Due to that, I tend to take risks and forget to look out for myself, and Marco cares about me a little more than himself. It's a never ending loop, -"Well, you should think more about yourself, Jean. You're not-"

I clicked my tongue and smashed my lips against his, interrupting him. We'd had this discussion before and no matter how many times he rebukes me for it, I always place his life, well-being and wishes before mines. He was a top priority for me.

We kissed fervently until I parted and breathed deeply. Yeah, I do want him to touch me, to lick me, to suck me and fuck..., -"Just do it, Marco."

He was breathless too, -"Hm?"

-"Just suck me already."

He smiled and swooped my body. He straddled me and pinned me down. My body churned and pleaded for his touch and when he trailed his soft hands across my abdomen, oh lord. Hotness sailed through me and I began to erect right then and there, just like that. It took him just a second to turn me on and get me hard (we should just fuck already, right?). He chuckled and hooked his finger on my underwear, rubbing his finger against my v-line he likes so much, -"Really, Jean?"

I nodded slowly, feeling my head kinda light already, -"Mjum..."

He licked his lips before lowering his body close to my groin. When he tugged my underwear down, my dick caught his eyes again, like always. His face flared up as he started licking it slowly. I moaned and quickly gripped his hair as he kept toying with his tongue around my cock. Each wave of hotness was empowering me, -"Marco, suck me..."

And he did, very steadily, but I want him to suck me harder too -no, even harder than how I sucked him- and he knew that he knew how harsh I wanted him to be with me. He didn't hold back; he dipped my cock deeper in his mouth and while sucking it, he gripped it and squeezed with force. I bleated his name, scorching my throat in the process, -"Fuck, Marco!"

Marco flinched at my scream and tried to gaze at the door. He tried to shush me, but it was muffled by my -well, you know.

I tried not to make loud noises, but I really couldn't -nor did I wanted to, to begin with- as Marco, with his mouth sucking my cock, started jerking it with his hand up and down, -"Shit!"- I cursed as I felt that craved ecstasy of an orgasm coming.

Marco stroked and sucked my cock faster and faster until I ejaculated and spew incessant cum into his mouth. He swallowed and coughed at the amount while I relaxed onto the cold tiles beneath me, releasing my grip on his hair.

Marco parted from my groin and zipped up my pants. He crawled up to me and rested his head on my chest. We laid there for a few minutes until we stood up and took a long bath. After that, we watched movies with Rubert, who was in our room very timely when we came out if I do say so myself. He brought several titles of movies and I saw more erotic flicks than any other gender. I glared at him and his cheeks reddened, -"Hey, don't look at me like that!"

-"What're you up to, Blondie?"- I asked, squinting my eyes at him and his pack of movies. I count up to five erotic movies. He has to be planning something.

-"N-nothing!"- I quirked an eyebrow and he gaped his mouth, -"Ah, come on, Jean! I wasn't sure about what movies you're into, so I brought... different types of them."- He scratching his scalp while avoiding my gaze.

I huffed, -"Fine. Let's watch action."

And so we did for a couple of hours until Rubert suddenly gasped and rushed towards the bathroom. My heart skipped a beat but thank God Marco suggested we clean it. I got the hunch that he was hiding from someone and sure enough, a nurse showed up asking about him, -"Uh, no, we haven't seen him."- Someone's skipping work.

-"Thank you anyway."

When she left, Blondie stepped out of the bathroom and sighed in relief, -"Oh God, I thought she was gonna find me."

Marco disapproved of his actions, -"Rubert, why are you skipping work?"

The guy shrugged and slacked on the chair once again, -"I dunno. I guess I don't like babysitting others."

-"Then quit."- I meddled in, arms crossed.

He shook his head vigorously, -"I can't. I'll be living under a bridge if I do."

-"Well shit, you'll definitely be living under a bridge if you keep this up."- I argued, remembering the nurse's face when she asked about it. It said, "I will fire that guy next time I see him."

-"I'll be fine,"- He waved me off and yawned, relaxing on the chair as he stared at the TV, -"I'll just tell them I had diarrhea."

I almost laughed because that's a stupid lie, -"Oh, you think they're gonna believe you?"

Blondie laughed, -"They have before. Why won't they now?"- Figured. If he'd been here all this time, then he was right.

My boyfriend was totally distraught by it, -"You can't keep this up, Rubert."

-"You should report back, man."

Blondie sighed and I realized he was actually aware of his dead-end, -"You're right, I should,"- I could also see he was tired of running around and avoiding work. He propelled up and yawned again, -"I'll be going then. Thanks for everything."

-"Good luck,"- Said Marco before Blondie disappeared from the room, -"Poor guy..."

-"He knew what he signed for."

-"Yeah, but still..."

I cupped his face in my hands and pecked his lips, -"Hey, he'll be fine,"- My eyes met with the pack of movies he brought, especially those that had suggestive cover and title, -"Wanna watch something hot?"- I jiggled my eyebrows, up and down.

Marco giggled and nodded. We watched Rubert's erotic movie's all night while making out and groping each other, murmuring sweet nothings as we dipped our hands into our groins and jerked off. The fact that the erotic and flirty mood the TV conveyed was plain icing on the cake. I seriously thought we were gonna fuck right then and there; Marco was very turned on and excited by this movie. He asked me to rub my dick with his and both of them were slimy as fuck. I also asked for him to do stuff to me and he fapped me so amazingly...

I recently realized that the protagonist was actually gay and the guy he likes was just another faithful with issues. We kept having our hot moment until the movie turned invisible, -"Marco... I wanna finger you so bad."- I said, my voice hoarse as I sucked harshly on his neck, leaving deep blemishes on it.

-"Please, Jean..."- Marco moaned and turned his body, exposing his ass to me.

I didn't dally. I licked my lips at his butt and licked it and eventually, bit it. I tasted it's smooth, sweet surface, running my tongue in circles and ushering in him and erection.

I gripped his dick and started jerking it off while thrusting my index finger in. Marco bleated out and gripped my bed's hurdle. I was over his back and ramped down against the pillow, pulling him over me and thrusting my finger deeper in his ass. It was sudden and Marco cried out, -"Jean!"- I might have hurt him, but when I started to check, Marco shook his head, -"... don't, please..."- He didn't want me to stop for even a second.

I was burning by now due to his pleas. Fuck, I want to hear him scream more, I want to hear him plead for more, I want him to cry my name with pleasure...

I started to hop in place, evidently driving my finger even deeper in his anus, -"Jean, don't stop...!"- My body vibrated as his words rattled me and set it ablaze, -"Please...!"- With much impetus, I hopped faster and higher, feeling my finger dip in his butthole deeper and deeper. With each landing, Marco cried and groaned in pleasure, -"Oh, Jean, please...!"- Fuck! I hopped faster and faster, feeling my finger deeper in his rectum now. Marco cried again, over and over, darting his head back. At the same time, I gripped his dick and jerked it just as fast, -"Jean, I'm-"

And he came alright. Marco poured cum like crazy on the bed, exhaling in pleasure as he relaxed over me. He breathed deeply before facing me and kissing me madly, indulging me until we fell asleep.

The day my CT scan results were done and examined, Marco and I started packing up to leave once the doctors confirmed my rib cage has fully healed. I can now breathe deeply without any trouble and twisting my body didn't hurt , I was just fucking glad I'm getting out of here today. It wasn't as hateful as to blow it up, but this place didn't felt home-like at all. Along the Zackly and the Rubert thing, I didn't had a good experience here -and Marco's panic attacks almost drove me crazy. Not only all that, both of our nightmares crossed our station were the worst. Maybe I'm making a big deal our of it, but I just wanna go home.

About Marco, he has gotten a lot better. The panic attacks had stopped and he doesn't cry anymore. He seems more cheerful and energetic now, talking more often now, with me and his mom too. Marco's dose of antidepressant has lowered and tomorrow's his last one. I can't put into words the happiness that overwhelmed me when Celine divulged me of the news. Marco was Marco again; tender, compassionate, happy and loving. He smiles and laughs more often now. The depression doesn't tie and deprive him anymore from his usual self; he's free from it and Marco can finally paint on colorful canvas. He often reminds me that if it wasn't for me, he'd be a goner and I hate to think that. I told myself I wouldn't allow his depression turn him into someone else and I saw it through.

Marco and I were packing up our clothes when a light knock on our door made us stop, -"Hey, guys. I just... came to say goodbye before you leave."- It was Rubert and he looked completely broken about our imminent departure.

He hugged Marco first and then me. The guy even started crying despite his effort to contain it, -"I can't believe you're actually crying."- I muttered and snorted.

He hugged me firmly before parting and wiping the tears off his eyes, -"I'm sorry, I just... I'll miss you guys."

A sudden guilt swept me as my expression softened. I hadn't been nice to this guy, have I? I surprise myself when I actually pitied him. I've seen how Zackly treats him so I could understand why he doesn't feel motivated at all to work here. By what he told us, his coworkers don't bode well for him either, so practically, Marco and I are his only friends here and I've been a total jerk to him since he made a move on us -especially on Marco and that just fucking ticks me off. The reason why he did was that one, he's gay and two, he's fucking desperate to shag with someone, anyone, as long as it's a guy.

So, believe it or not, I hugged him back.

He was totally not expecting it and when he parted, Blondie scratched his neck and laughed nervously, -"Whoa, Jean, I didn't know you had a thing for me,"- I raised an eyebrow and he laughed, -"I'm joking, geez,"- He turned to Marco and pointed at me, -"You gotta teach him how to take jokes, Cutie."- I take it he likes to piss me off.

My fumes sparked up at the nickname, but I controlled it and just sighed. I'll probably regret this later, -"Take our phone numbers in case you wanna... hang out or something."- Yeah, including Marco's, but I know my boyfriend. He's loyal. He wouldn't try anything with this guy.

Blondie's eyes widened, -"Whoa, are you alright?"- He placed the back of his hand as on my forehead if to check if I had a fever.

I slapped it away, -"Yeah,"- With a sigh, I asked again, -"You wanna take them or not?"

-"Of course!"- We exchanged numbers and Blondie was really excited. He named my contact "Time Bomb" and Marco's "Cutie". I cringed at the nickname again.

After that, Celine came by and escorted us to her car when we finished packing up. We retained the bags in the trunk and mounted in. During the ride, we discussed where we'll stay during this week. Marco's mom said we shouldn't stay alone so she suggested I should stay in their house for at least this week and you know me, I didn't complain, -"Jean, do you want something from your house?"

It popped into my mind in a second because I can't leave that behind, -"Yeah, the PS4."

And so we rode to my house and I quickly rushed in. I packed my console and a few games and movies when Marco came in, -"Jean..."

-"Hmm?"- I mused, wondering where the hell I left CoD.

-"Have you considered going back to school?"

I perked my head up and gazed at him. I shook my head, -"No, Marco. I haven't."- No way in hell we're going there again. Call me a coward, but I'm not going to that hellhole ever again.

Marco fidgeted with his fingers and bit his lips. He wanted to say something but was really hesitating, -"I just..."

-"Marco, we're not going. Period. It has been decided already."- I stood and threw the bag over my shoulder.

-"But Jean, what about the others? What about our rights and-"

I clicked my tongue and just waved him off. Fuck, I really abhor talking about this because for starters, it makes me remember about the bastards who sent us to the hospital and because of that, I had an impulse of going just to sate my vengeance.

No, Marco matters. Not my revenge.

-"What about the people who look up to you? You are aware you're an icon, whether you-"

I lashed towards him and gripped both his arms with force. If there's something I really hate about all this, as much as those bastards, was that, the me being the school's icon shit, -"No, enough about that!"- The whole topic made me rile up in a matter of seconds and it made me lose control of my tongue and action. I was tightening my grip on his arms, -"I'm not an icon or an idol or... fuck, anything! I'm not some rights savior, I'm not... anything of that! I'm just a guy trying to keep the one person he loves the most safe!"

Marco's eyes widened as he narrowed me in both awe and shock.

-"Fuck rights! Fuck the others! Fuck the school! Fuck...!"- I yelled and jolted his body, -"I only care about you, okay? I don't care about anyone or anything else! I want to keep you safe, I want you away from that hell, I can't see you harmed any more, Marco!"

Marco winced and tried to wriggle out of my grip while staring at me still, -"J-Jean..."

-"What if they push you off the roof again? What if I don't get there in time? What if you fall and... and...,"- A horrible lump shaped in my throat and I tried to clear it, but I couldn't. My voice was hoarse as I spoke, but I didn't stop, -"... and die? I swear I'll kill myself before I kill the bastards who did it!"

Marco gasped deeply, -"Jean, don't say stuff like that!"

-"I can't help it, Marco, I can't!"- I really couldn't control those belligerent thoughts. I had so much hate in me and it wanted to burst out...! I couldn't stop thinking about snapping each of their necks, make them feel fear like Marco and I felt...!

I hadn't realized Marco's wide eyes full of horror at my bloody words. When I did, my grip on his arms weakened and he staggered, rubbing the area, -"Jean, please..."

I panted, because that sudden... rush of negative emotions wore me off, -"I'm... sorry, I..."- I placed my hand on my forehead and sat on my bed. What just happened to me? It was abrupt. I always get agitated and furious whenever the school's topic comes up, but never like this...

Marco sat beside me and placed his hand on my shoulder, -"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have brought it up..."

I shook my head and gaped my mouth to reply, to reassure him that it was fine, that I was fine, but... nothing came out. Nothing. I wanted to make Marco feel free of guilt, but I didn't and it was because this is the second or third time he has insisted on going back there and slowly, it drove me to this... sour thoughts and behavior. It has to be the only explanation.

-"I... won't insist anymore. I'm sorry...,"- Marco kept apologizing again and again, genuinely guilty and worried about me, -"You're tired -we both are- and all this has us on the verge and restless."

-"Why, Marco?"- I suddenly spoke, unable to coerce the question anymore.

-"Huh?"

-"Why do you want to go despite all that has happened to you?"- Why do I ask? I know already, I know him, but I still asked despite the fact that I didn't want to hear it because I then get all soft and consider the idea of actually going. I don't want that.

-"I...,"- I gaped his mouth to reply, to answer because even though he's scared, he wants to go and make things right there, because we're both symbols of resilience and "hope", -"... we should get going. You -we both need to rest and..."- Forget about all this.

With a deep breath, I stood up and continued to pack up. We left shortly after I retained all my PS4 games into my bag. We got it all into Celine's car and drove off. Along the ride, she kept watching us carefully and like always, she sensed something was amiss between Marco and I. It wasn't big, but it's there. I almost broke his arms I hadn't noticed the dread my words sowed in him.

Marco dreaded that dark side of me, loathes it even. I don't think rationally on those and I say and do things that I regret later. I can't control it sometimes and it shapes me. All that has happened to us has contributed to it and I... don't know who to blame. I'm actually thinking I'm going crazy.

We reached Marco's home and by the time, my stomach was grumbling, -"Rest, okay? I'll prepare something to eat and I'll let you know when it's ready."- Marco's mom said as she took off her med robe and hooked it on the iron hanger beside the door.

Marco and I walked upstairs and we both slacked onto the bed at the same time. I yawned and laid flatly on it, feeling my body heavy and tired. Marco stretched and poked my arm, -"Should I... turn the air conditioner?"

I nodded, -"Sure,"- Things were kinda sore between us after my outburst at my house and I tried to ease it up, -"Marco, I'm sorry for freaking you out back home, I... don't know what got to me."

Marco smiled weakly and shook his head, -"It's okay, Jean. I... won't bring it up anymore, I promise."

-"Just forget about that place, alright? We're not going, we can't risk ourselves anymore."- I looked straight at his eyes, to read him.

Marco sat after turning on the air-conditioner, eyes sagged and expression saddened. He didn't want to stay, but he chose against arguing with me. He nodded, -"Okay."

I kissed his cheek, -"Let's just rest."- And so we did, but none of us spoke a single word. Marco wasn't pissed at me, he's just... disappointed and let down because of me. I hated it, but I can't do anything about it.

After a few hours, Celine called us for dinner and we ate in silence. Marco's mother was now positive something's rough between us, but like always, she left the matter in our hands. She also knew what but I spoke anyways, -"Marco wants to go back to school."- What a prick. I sounded like a frustrated kid looking for any way to punish a sibling or something.

Marco gazed at me, mouth gaped. He didn't think I'd mention it to her.

-"Marco,"- His mom spoke, her expression serious as she placed her fork down and tied her hands together before her chin, -"What have I told you about this?"- It's so weird to watch and hear her scold him. They rarely argue.

-"I know, but-"

-"'But' nothing. You know my answer to this already and it's the same,"- She raised her voice. Like me, this topic riles her up because we both care about Marco immensely, -"Let the authorities solve that school's issue and stay out of it. This is for your own good, Marco."

Marco bit his lip and shut his eyes close, but I saw them water before he clenched his fists, stood up and walked upstairs. I saw him walking funny and I bet it was because of that night I fucked his ass with my finger.

She sighed and picked her fork up again, -"Thank you, Jean, for letting me know."

I feel kinda bad now like I just betrayed him, but I brush it off, -"Yeah, no prob."

-"It'll pass, but I suggest you... leave him alone for the time being."

I nodded, -"Alright."

-"You can sleep in my husband's room in the mean time."- She suggested, standing up and washing the dishes.

-"Oh u-uh, I wouldn't dare, I mean..."

-"It's alright, Jean. I don't mind and I know he wouldn't either."- She looked over her shoulder and smiled tenderly.

-"Th-thanks..."- I wanted to sleep with Marco, but right now... I'm betting it all he doesn't want me to sleep with him. I bet he doesn't even want to see me.

At dusk, she escorted me to the room which once belonged to her husband. She turned the light on and I saw a rather small room with a single bed and police garments hung on every iron hook on the walls. I saw a framed police batch above the bed and several pictures of Marco's father around the room, -"He used this room to gather information and evidence about the person in question,"- She spoke, walking towards a wide desks with lots of newspapers and documents alongside a computer. She pulled on a drawer from the desk, -"And this is where he used to preserve his guns and ammunition,"- My face must have gotten paler because she chuckled, -"Don't worry, I returned them to the police station."

-"That's comforting."- I laughed nervously as I scratched my neck, not knowing where to set my foot next. This is so awkward. I mean, I'm his Marco's father room, in Celine's husband room...

-"Well, rest, okay? And if you're too uncomfortable, you can always move the mattress to Marco's room."- She placed her hand on my shoulder and squeezed.

-"Thanks."- When she left, I roamed around the hallway. Marco's father room as just in front of his and I... I wanted to check up on him, I wanted to comfort him, I wanted to apologize for my sick move, I wanted...

I wanted to stop him from crying.

I knocked on the door gently, -"Marco?"- It was past 8 o' clock already, so maybe he went to sleep, but he was still sobbing. I could still hear him so I opened the door even so slowly and saw his room pitch black with only a dim light coming from the moon. He was lying on his bed, quilts wrapped around his body like a cocoon and was facing the opposite wall, giving his back to the door where I now stand before. I sauntered towards him and placed a hand on his shoulder, -"Hey... I'm really sorry,"- Because if there's really something that's makes me sad and anguish, was seeing and hearing Marco crying -even more when I caused it, -"I love you, Marco, so much and I don't even want the wind to hit you, I'm..."- I sighed. I wasn't getting anything from him, so I pecked his cheek and walked out, but not before looking through the thin gap and sighing in grief again.

I closed the door and returned to his father's room, lying awkwardly on said man's bed. The room had air conditioner too, but I didn't turn it on -I didn't do anything, I just stared at the ceiling for long hours, thinking and mulling over how horrible I screwed everything up. I just want to protect, I just want to keep his safe...

I can't believe I'm actually regretting this. This is for Marco's wellbeing and it doesn't matter if I'm forcing this on him like a fucking dictator. He matters, his life matter so I shouldn't care about him being pissed at me. This is for his own good.

This is for your own good, Marco...