Hey, it's been a while, hasn't it? Other than college work (finals are coming, brace yourself), I got my hands on a few videogames I'm dying for like Final Fantasy XV: Episode Duscae, Bloodborne and Outlast: Whisteblower :'D

I'M SORRY U.U

Anyways, ENJOY! Things get interesting in this chapter ;)

Disclaimer: I do not own Attack on Titan.

EIGHTY-TWO

-"Hey there, Jean! It's been a while!"- Reiner waved his arms at us as we approached their table; Berthold, Ymir, Krista, Eren, Mikasa and Armin were there too. Diego and his little brother, Daniel, were there as well, kinda out of place considering they didn't know these punks as much as I do.

But the one that was really out of place was Nathaniel, accompanied by his boyfriend, Axel.

-"How you've been?"- Inquired Krista, genuinely worried about us. I think she's here against her will, -"We know what happened…"- She tried to held her tongue, but unconsciously brought it up. She quickly covered her mouth.

What happened, huh…

All this time with Marco and his mom made me forget it about it, -"It's okay. We're doing alright."- But I can't blame Krista for reminding me about it. True, it was traumatic -I've had plenty of nightmares because of it- but I'm not gonna go crazy here over it.

What did made me kinda go crazy was Nathaniel's words, -"Yeah, pretty horrible, but you're fine now,"- He didn't even tried to hold his tongue, -"We need you back at school."

I snorted and laughed out loud, taking them all by surprise –even my boyfriend and Nathaniel. He must be thinking I'm really nuts, -"That was a good one, Nate."

His expression hardened. He wasn't joking at all, -"I'm serious."

My expression hardened too. Who the hell does he think he is ordering me around? He didn't, technically, but he might as well have. It sure felt like it, -"Fuck you. I'm not going anywhere."- I waved them all off and walked towards the cafeteria where three men waited in line, staring at us blatantly.

-"Hey, you can't run away, coward!"- He barked, stomping his way towards me, -"This is your fight as much as it is ours!"

He's right. No matter how many times I deny it, I knew it is, but I choose to ignore it and pretend it's not mine, -"Leave me the fuck alone."- I stood behind the men and just hoped Nathaniel wouldn't keep pestering me because I'll be the one to make a scene.

He gripped my arm harshly and gritted his teeth, -"Jean, listen to me."- He muttered, figuring out making a scene in this peaceful place will get us both in trouble.

-"Let me go or I'll-"

-"It's serious. I'm not joking,"- Oh, he made that pretty clear when he gripped my arm the way he did, -"You know it's your business to be there."

I shove my arm away from his and glared at him, -"I'm not joking either."- I didn't lower my voice nor raised it. I didn't budge either. I'm not going anywhere.

The fucker gripped my arm again and I saw the guys in front of us tense up, as well as the cashier, -"Don't make me-"

I was about to… do something to him, but Marco beat me to it. He took his arm and started pulling him away, -"Leave him alone!"- I was completely relieved that Marco was defending me instead of seconding their intention. I honestly thought he'd side with them and now I feel bad about it, -"He already said no! You can't force him!"

-"He hasn't even heard us yet!"- Nathaniel had a better physical aptitude than my boyfriend, so he easily pushed him away, -"This doesn't behoove you! Stay out of it!"

Oh no, no one treats Marco like that. Not on my watch.

I pulled Nathaniel towards me and when his face was in my sight, I threw a punch at it, taking him by surprise. The guy staggered and his boyfriend, Axel, held him before he met the floor. The people around us gasped and stepped back, -"You fucking mad man!"- He yelled, rubbing his chin before lunging forward.

His boyfriend stopped him while mines held me tightly by my arm, -"Just stop, Nate!"

Nathaniel growled and clicked his tongue. Something tells me they've been arguing for a while, -"Let me go!"

-"You're not helping with your fucking attitude! We came here to talk to him, not attack him!"- Axel tried to pull his boyfriend away from me and Marco.

-"He attacked me!"

-"Because you did first!"

Nathaniel growled and huffed, possibly madder at Axel than at me.

-"Boys, no fighting in the cafeteria, alright? If you want to settle any business, settle them somewhere else,"- The cashier spoke from his post, not setting a foot outside his little kiosk. He was shitting his pants, -"Please."- He added.

Nate puffed again and stomped away from Axel's grasp to I don't know where and I don't want to know. Axel sighed, his face saddening, -"I'm sorry for that, Jean. This isn't how we planned… this."- He gestured towards the rest of the bunch, all stood and eyes wide.

I shook my head, -"You knew it would get out of your hands when you brought him."

-"He wanted to come and he said he'd behave, but…,"- Axel sighed again and ran a hand through his red hair, -"He has gotten… cranky ever since you left. He's just desperate for everything to end. The situation in school has gotten worse than-"

-"I don't wanna hear it."

-"Just give us a chance, please. We're not gonna force you to go, just… hear us."- He begged, his eyes soggy and tired, yet attentive. I just noticed the bruises on his face and neck, deep and purple. He literally hissed at every move he made.

I cursed myself when I started pondering his request, surprising myself even further when I felt pity for him –and not only for him. My head moved on its own towards the bunch and my eyes shifted to Diego, who practically looked like a zombie. He had deep bags under his eyes –which said eye had a bruise running from his brow down to his cheek. Then there's Reiner with his messed hair and broken nose. Berthold, who was behind him, had bruises on his jaw. The girls, Krista, Ymir, and Mikasa looked alright but extremely tired. Eren and Armin had no damage whatsoever but were as tired as the rest. They all looked at me with a saddened, beat up expression like they were on the edge of giving their fight up but they didn't want to.

A sudden guilt and pity began to well me as I sighed and nodded slowly. Marco, who was beside me still clinging to my arm, gasped, -"Fine, just until my hot chocolate is ready."

Axel let out a pent-up breath, relieved of my answer, -"Thank you, Jean…"

While I waited for my order, I sat on the chair from the table my friends gathered, arms crossed and tapping my foot. They all looked at each other nervously, scared I'd snap and laugh out loud like a maniac, -"See? I told you guys this is a totally bad idea. Jean doesn't want to go and he doesn't have to either."- Said Krista, full of sympathy for me.

-"But we need his help-"

-"What's going on?"- I meddled in, interrupting Reiner.

-"Listen, it's pretty bad in there and we really need your help. People are asking for you, Jean."- He said, leaning forward and resting his elbows on the table.

-"So?"

Reiner was kind of taken off balance by my cold words, -"You're an icon, they look up to you and wonder what you'd do, where you are…"

I clicked my tongue at all of that. It was getting on my nerves, -"Well, they're on their own."

-"Jean, don't be like that…"

-"Your actions have motivated them, they admire you and if you're not there… think about it."- Said Diego next.

-"It's all about them to you? What about me? What about me, huh? You don't think about me? You don't say 'oh, poor Jean, he has been through a lot and we shouldn't make it worse', you don't say 'he has feeling and fears too because, hey, he's a fucking human being too and not some omnipotent damn hero' and you don't think about who I look up to, you don't think about who I admire,"- I snapped because I couldn't take it anymore. The words crammed out of my mouth and my chest tightened. I pointed at Marco, -"He was pushed off the roof! Do you think about him? Do you think what would've happened to him if I wasn't there? Do you think about his fears and feelings? I do! Every fucking night I'm reminded and tortured about that outcome! If you are, I'm not hearing any of it!"

All their eyes widened and mouth gaped. Each one of them was speechless.

-"Call me selfish, irrespective, heartless, coward, cold bitch, I don't care! Fuck it all! I never asked for any of this!"- I waved my arms around, exasperated and distraught, -"Fuck you all! Fuck them all off! I have to think and look for ourselves because nobody else does and you don't! Everyone cares and worries about themselves, why can't I?"

-"Jean, calm down…"- Marco mellow voice soothed my troubled heart a bit and I managed to breathe deeply and lower my voice.

I paced around the table, fingers tangled with my messy hair, -"I'm not taking any risks. I can't let something like that happen again, I can't endanger… I can't… I just… can't…,"- Sudden images flashed by my mind, hindering my ability to speak. All the nightmares I've suffered from piled up and a headache threatened to split my skull, -"I don't want to see Marco crying again, I don't want to see him scared, I don't want…"- I rambled, my eyes watering up.

I felt Marco's warmth from behind, his arms slithering beneath mines and tightening around my torso, -"It's okay, Jean, you won't see that anymore, I promise."

I sobbed and coughed on my own tears. What a crybaby. What a fucking kid.

These scars are too deep for me, huh…

My friends were still speechless at my outburst but Reiner managed to mutter something, -"We're… sorry, Je-"

-"Jean, order's up!"- That's my order.

I wiped the tears from my eyes and looked at all of them, silently wishing they don't pity me because all in all, I hated this. I hated to cry in front of them and make them think those guys at school finally caught me –which was true, by the way, and I hate to admit this. The only person I could cry in front of and not feel like this is Marco. No one else.

-"We… won't bother you anymore, Jean,"- One by one, they stood up and walked away. Eren, who was surprisingly quiet this whole time, stood before me and shook his head in disappointment. In fact, he wasn't the only one. Ymir, Berthold, Mikasa, Armin and even Reiner looked at me like that –oh, and it wasn't just at me, they looked at Marco like that too. Somehow, they were relying on Marco to support them, -"We just wanted you to show your face around and let the people know you're undefeated and untamable but I guess… that's not the case."- Said Reiner before walking away with the rest.

-"Nathaniel was right, huh…"- That was Diego, his voice very low.

-"Yeah…"- Replied Axel.

-"Jean."

That was Mikasa's monotonous voice.

-"You lost."- She said, flatly, but I know what she was talking about. It was her line "fight to win". Way back, when this whole issue at school was just starting, she told me that in order to win, I had to fight and never give up.

I didn't say anything and just looked away. Yeah, big loser me.

Krista was the only one that looked at me with sympathy. She placed her hand on both our shoulders, -"You're doing the right thing. Believe me, you don't want to go there."

Her words soothed me a bit.

-"That whole fight for rights is not worth the damage."- With that, she waved us goodbye and walked away, trying to catch up with her girlfriend, Ymir, who was mad at her because of the same thing she told me.

I sighed and picked my order up. On the way home, none of us said a thing, but with our hands embroiled, we said a lot. Back at Marco's house, Celine was talking with someone on the phone, pacing around the living room anxiously. She kept glancing at the window and did a double-take at our approach. She quickly hung up and waited for us to enter, -"You're back."- She said, retaining her phone in her pocket.

Marco placed the hot chocolate and the residue money on the table, -"Yup. How're you feeling?"

-"A lot better,"- She replied and pulled the cup out of the bag, unplugged the lid and sipped the chocolate into her mouth. Then she looked at us, at our glum faces, -"Did something happened?"

Marco and I looked at each other until he gaped his mouth and told her everything. By the time he was done and Celine talked about ignoring our friends, I was already making my way towards his room, suddenly feeling lightheaded and exhausted. I still had an irritating headache even after swallowing a pair of painkillers. I slacked onto his bed and just sighed over and over again. I don't know what to think. I don't know what to do. I just stared blankly at the ceiling until... whatever got into me leaves.

After long minutes, someone knocked on the door gently and opened the door, -"Jean?"- It was Marco, perceiving something was wrong with me.

-"Hmm?"- I blinked at the ceiling and didn't even looked at him.

-"Are you okay?"- He entered the room, closed the door and sat on the bed. He placed his hand on my abdomen and rubbed the area.

I sighed for the hundredth time, -"I dunno, Marco. I'm… tired, I guess."

He leaned down and rested his head on my chest, -"Is it… the whole thing at the cafeteria?"

I sighed again and again, rubbings my drowsy eyes, -"Yeah…"

-"Don't think about it much, please,"- He shrouded his arms around my torso and squeezed, -"Try to forget about it and don't overthink."

Marco knew how much I overthink stuff, specially trifle issues not worth cracking my brain about. I didn't want to think about it, but my mind wanted to and it constantly drifted there. I had to put effort into thinking about something else –like Marco's butt. That sweet butt of his is a treasure for me.

-"You know, they said all those things because they don't understand us, they haven't been through what we've been through…"- He said, close to my ear while fondling my abdomen.

He had a good point. Seeing or hearing about an accident is not the same as having experienced it firsthand. Just because you've heard of it doesn't mean you understand it –and heck, they didn't even witness it. They supposedly arrived when I lost consciousness so they really can't judge me for my denial.

If so, then why do I have this irritating guilt in me?

Thinking about Marco's butt wasn't really working today, huh.

I sighed again and sat up, slowly pushing Marco's head away, -"I, uh…, need a bath."

Marco sat up too and gaped his mouth. He was gonna ask if he could join me but he knew I wasn't really in the mood, so he just nodded, -"Okay."

Silently, I exited his room and entered the bathroom just at the end the hallway. I trudged my way into the bathtub and didn't even took my clothes off when I turned the shower on and allowed the hot water to drench me.

Come on, Jean, don't think about it.

I slumped onto the cool surface and dropped my head against the already damp wall.

It's not your fault, you know.

Yeah, how could I have known that my actions would start World War III in school? I was just defending Marco! I never asked to be part of it –I never asked for any of this- but I guess that not how things work. I started that shit, I started that whole dilemma when I defeated Frank and got them expelled, I gave those poor bastards hope when there was none and I gave them a reason to fight. That was definitely not my intention but it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter to them, my peers, the guys, and girls who understand me, who has been through discrimination and abuse, my… friends.

Things don't go the way we want them to and they're not gonna change just through sheer will. They can change if I do something about it if I do a difference. I can go out there and show those jocks I'm not a coward because I definitely don't want them to think so. I don't want to give those bastards the satisfaction of having truly defeated me.

But I don't want to endanger what matters to me most. Marco's safety.

It's easier to give up and do nothing, but sometimes, it's the right thing to do. Right now, though, I had no idea what the right thing to do is. I don't know what to do. I want to protect Marco but that school and my peers keep grieving me. I keep thinking about my friends who have been there when I got knocked off my feet, my friends who cheered me when I've been humiliated, the ones who stood by me when I faced my ex-girlfriend cheating on me, the group who told me over and over again that family matters and that our little group of nerds and geeks had arms open for me anytime, for me, a double-dealer, a jerk who often mocked them, a nobody.

And among that herd of nerds was the one man who changed everything since the first day he arrived the school as a new guy. Together, they turned me into someone that's important and special to them. They gave this guy a reason to smile, they lit up his bitter and grumpy soul (I over crossed the borders of corniness right there).

And what do I give them in return? Nothing. I turned them all down, gave them my cold shoulder when they needed my help.

-"Fuck me…"- I cursed, hands on my face to muffled my weeps.

What a friend am I, huh…

I heard a light knock on the door and my boyfriend's soft voice, -"Jean, are you okay?"- He asked, full of worry, -"Please, answer me. You've been there for an hour…"

I've been here for an hour alright. I just noticed the room teemed with steam and humidity –every wall was drenched and slippery. I took a sudden intake of breath and coughed, also noticing the lack of pure air in here.

Abruptly, I tried to stand up and by impulsive I held on the wall and slipped, stumbling back down on the bathtub and splashing water everywhere. My back hit the hard edge of the tub and I cried in pain.

Marco knocked louder after the cry, -"Jean?"- The steam and the water slid across the doors gaps and Marco knocked again, -"Jean, what's going on? Open up, please!"

I tried to, I really tried to but my legs gave up on me. They were numb and held down by my drenched clothes. I gaped my mouth to say something but coughed instead. I was running out of air.

Marco was alarmed. He desperately tried to open the door with different tools, turning the knob continuously but failing. He cursed and kept looking. I heard the sharp sound of metal rattling into the lock. He was forcing the door open, -"I'm coming!"- When he opened it successfully, he gasped when he laid eyes on me and the threw the spoon away. He rushed towards me, careful with his steps so that he wouldn't slip. When he reached me, he knelt and placed his hand on my cheeks, -"Jean, can you…?"

I shook my head slowly, letting him know I couldn't hear him. My ears were full of water, hindering my audition.

He said something else that I didn't understand as he turned the shower off and unplugged the hole in tub. The hoarded water I was in began to reduce until the tub was empty. Marco then took my light head and flipped it a bit so that the water in my ear would pour out. He left it like that for a few minutes until the bugging sensation left, -"Is it out?"- He asked.

I nodded and he flipped my head to the other side and gently tapped it, letting the rest of the water out. Once I was clear, he helped me stand up and carried me to the toilet, sitting my body on its lid and resting my back on its rear. With care, he took a towel and dried my hair. Afterward, he took off my clothes and literally dressed me. I was absentmindedly watching him, his tender face yet full of worry as he gently dressed me with his sweet clothes. He often huffed. I wasn't really helping him so he struggled to put his pajama on me.

When he finished (from dressing me and cleaning the bathroom), he exhaled, wiped off the sweat from his forehead and looked down at me, -"Jean, what's wrong? You could have died here, you know."

I sighed and just shrugged like I didn't mind that at all.

-"Jean…"- There's his deep, sorrowful expression that always pierced my heart.

-"I'm fine, Marco, I'm just… thoughtful."- I stood up and trudged towards his room and slacked on his bed again, face deep in his pillow.

He followed me, -"Want to talk about it?"- He asked, stroking my back, -"Jean, you know I'm here for you and if you don't let all that out…"

He was right. I had to let him know that I was seriously considering going back to school to help my friends out -"Alright..."- I rolled over and faced him, still laying flatly on his bed.

He smiled, relieved that I decided to talk instead of mull over these thoughts, -"Good but um, let me change first."

A tiny smirk rose to my lips as I watched my boyfriend take off his wet shirt and pants. I drooled over his perfectly rounded butt as he pulled his new ones up and then pulled down his usual Superman shirt. He dumped his drenched clothes in his hamper and hopped to my side. We quickly snuggled and embraced each other tightly until I started venting… literally. Marco heard me intensively, resting his head on his knuckles while his elbow rested on the bed. I literally told him everything, that I was practically torturing myself with guilt over our friends at school and that we –well, I (mostly)- betrayed them by denying to help them when they've helped us countless times before. I knew Marco would agree with me but he also understood why I denied their request in the first place –and for Marco it wasn't just because of our friends, for him, it was also because of rights and whatnot.

What's left now is to decide to whether or not participate in the riot, give our last fight or some other shit like that. None of us knew and we didn't decide that day.

~ o ~

A few days later, Marco's mother was still acting uncanny, like she's hiding something from us again. She kept talking on her phone all day long, speaking very low so we couldn't hear. She'd also walked away from us and spoke somewhere where we couldn't hear or see her.

-"You know, I think she's seeing someone."- I said, taking a bite off my smoked cutlet.

Marco gasped and pondered about it, -"You… really think so?"

-"Yeah, definitely. Have you seen her face and moves when she talks on the phone?"

Marco nodded slowly, -"Yeah…"

-"It's so unlike her, right?"- I mean, Celine was a hardworking woman, like my father. She placed Marco and her duties above personal affairs. Those came way later. She's a widow with a son, so Marco and her work are a top priority for her. All in all, I've never seen her so affixed on her phone before –and not just calls, text messages too- and she rarely speaks about anything else that's work or Marco related. Why do I think she's romantically involved? I've seen her "girly" moves while speaking; she twirled her finger around her curls while swaying her body. She also raised her legs and posed like models often do. Maybe I don't have enough evidence but all this from someone like her…

I say she's romantically involved with someone and she doesn't have plans to telling us anytime soon. She's literally doing her best to hide it from us, but Marco and I have been very observant, -"I dunno. What do you think?"- I asked my boyfriend, watching his saddening expression. It really upsets him when his mother doesn't share that kind of stuff with him –or any kind of stuff.

-"I… don't know either, but why hasn't she told me?"

-"Women have secrets too, babe. It's normal,"- That didn't make it better for him so I opted to fix it, -"Hey, I'm sure she'll tell you when she feels like it. I don't think she trusts anyone else more than she trusts you."

Marco just sighed and continued to eat.

Here's the thing: Marco finding out (kinda) that his mother is going out with a man was… different for him than most kids out there. Marco's father is dead and his mother going out with another man was just kinda… bizarre, maybe even uncomfortable. For me? I guess I'd feel the same if Dad finds another woman but I can't say for sure.

-"Your mother can love again, you know, everyone can."- I said, out of the blue, after I swallowed my food with a sip of water (I wanted Coke, but Marco insisted against it, saying it wasn't healthy).

Marco's sad expression changed dramatically and so did the topic about his mother, -"Oh, really?"- He quirked an eyebrow with his adorable and knowing smirk.

-"Yeah."

-"Can you?"

I almost choked on the water, -"Huh?"

-"Can you love again if we, you know, break up?"- Marco was really curious, observing my every expression.

I gulped, suddenly feeling nervous, -"You know that's never gonna happen."- Let's be honest here, Jean, I thought to myself while trying so damn hard to stay cool on the outside, you're not loving anyone else if you and Marco break up.

Marco chuckled, -"How do you know?"

I threw him a flirty kiss, -"I just do, babe. My sixth sense tells me so."- Your sixth sense for that kind of stuff is nonexistent, Jean, I rebuked myself.

Marco chuckled again, louder this time, his cheeks blushing as he narrowed me lovingly, -"Since when did your "sixth sense" for this stuff got so sharp?"

I snorted and when he gaped his mouth to say something else, I lashed towards him and kissed him passionately, crashing my lips with his with love. I parted and spoke close to his ear, with a more serious and sentimental tone, -"Let's not let it happen, please. I wanna be with you forever."

Marco smiled tenderly and hugged me, moved by my words, -"We won't, Jean. I want to be with you forever too."

We kissed more than we ate after that and we totally forgot about his mother when we laid on his bed together, bare-chested and burrowed within his sheets as we hooked up. We went overboard without hesitation since Celine, again, wasn't home yet from work despite her work hours having finished. I indulged Marco and he moaned loud without holding back. It's literally the only sound in his room as I fingered him deep inside and stroked vigorously. When he came, it was my turn and I, like always, groaned loudly and bleated his name with pleasure.

It was around 9 o' clock by now and my boyfriend's mother hasn't arrived yet, -"Wanna stay up and try to catch who's she with?"

Marco, still breathless from all the exhilaration I gave him, gazed at me with dubious eyes as he rested his naked torso over mines, -"You… you think she'll show up with him?"

-"Probably not, but who knows."- I shrugged, arms behind my head. Really, I just want more hot moments with him. I'll be honest and say that I have already put that whole issue with his mom past me. Whatever she's into, it's her business. I understand that for Marco it wasn't that easy so I'm still with him on it.

Marco's lips turned into a knowing smile, -"Oh, you just want to stay up all night and do… things with me, don't you?"

I smirked and jiggled my eyebrows up and down before Marco leant down and kissed me fervently once again. Again, we went overboard and made out for long minutes, fondling our bodies thoroughly, especially in lower areas. I was giving him a handjob while whispering dirty lines into his ears. They were all lame, let me be honest, but hey, so long as it made him giggle and vibrate I'll keep saying them (and they did). Somehow, they made him moan louder than before and he kept begging me to say more stuff like that while touching him more and more. My hands traveled through his groin and thigh smoothly, toying with his flesh and reaching his cock once again. We ended up blowing each other and surprisingly, we did the sixty-nine crap again and this time, it was better, more satisfying than before. Marco knew what it implied and he was ready for it.

Around midnight, Marco was falling asleep (especially since that nailing I gave him), but his mother hasn't arrived yet and he was particularly worried so he technically couldn't sleep yet. When we heard car revs, though, he literally jumped out of bed semi-naked and rushed downstairs, -"Wait, Marco!"- I had a huge mess in my pants so I had trouble catching up with him. When I did, just before he could display himself with the car's light, I took his arm and pulled him back, -"Hold on a sec."

He looked at me, confused.

I hushed him before he spoke, -"Let's wait and see if she's with someone."

We leant against the wall from the hallway that leads to the storehouse and peeked at the living room, watching carefully the scenery before us. One person dismounted the car and we both pointed out it was Celene. She entered the house and looked around (I noted she didn't drop her keys as soon as she entered like she always does, meaning she was planning on leaving again or she's planning on leaving if she spots lights turned on). The whole house was dark –there were no lights on- and I thanked God it occurred to me to turn off Marco's when she peeked up the stairs to see if it was on. She sighed in relief and headed outside. She then pulled open the passenger's door and someone else dismounted the car. Definitely a man but I can't point out anything else considering I can only see his silhouette.

Marco began to mutter something and I hushed him again.

She gestured the man inside and they both tip-toed their way in after turning the car off, closing the door behind them without making it sound, -"They're asleep so relax."

-"What a pair of sleepyheads, aren't they?"- Spoke the man quietly.

Wait… I know that voice.

-"Let me turn on the lights. I don't want you to trip on something."- Said Celine.

I heard footsteps closing in and I was just about to stand up when she turned on the lights and..., -"Dad?"- I spoke, a bit too loudly, as I stood up and faced said man.

-"Son?"

Oh boy o.O