Disclaimer: I do not own Attack on Titan.

EIGHTY-NINE

-"Please, God, if you're really there, get me out of here…"

I was praying. I was really praying around midnight, unable to sleep. I was so desperate for freedom that I was resorting to a being I don't even believe in. How bad is that? How sad and shameful is it?

I was on my knees before the grubby bed, looking up at the pale and withered ceiling. Fuck, I don't wanna be here. It stinks like piss and shit and the cell was small, stale and hot, suffocating me. I was sweating like a pig, making the clothes stick to me everywhere. It made my body itch and it felt as if a thousand bugs were crawling through my skin. It hasn't been a day and I'm already going crazy.

-"For fucks sake, shut the fuck up!"- The prisoner in the cell beside mines shouted. At first, they mocked me but just like the policemen, there's a limit and now, I've annoyed them.

But I kept praying, silently, until sunrise.

-"Come on, new guy, up!"- Someone shouted at me, kicking me awake.

I wasn't exactly sleeping; I actually struggled to throughout the whole night. Drowsily, I blinked my eyes open and spotted a very fuming police guard above me, slamming the thick baton on his palm, ready to hit me with it if need be, -"Am I… free?"- I mumbled.

He burst in laughter, -"Yeah, of course, pup!"

A wave of relief washed me and a smile grew on my face until I saw the guy's look. It was wicked and joyful, like he enjoyed watching me suffer. I then thought he was lying and I started to step back as he smacked the baton on his palm harder.

-"Come on, little pup, don't you wanna get out and be free as a birdie?"- He teased me, stepping closer to me.

I shrank back and shook my head, -"N-no… not with you."

-"Ah, come on, I won't stop you,"- I shook my head again and he finally lost the tad of the patience he had, lashing out at me with his baton up high, -"Come here, you little shit!"

-"No! Leave me alone!"- He's gonna do something to me. He's gonna torture me. I can't let him take me!

I made a run to the exit but I collided with a tall and muscular figure, falling to the floor on my butt. I looked up and saw the scarred guard from before glaring down at me, -"Causing trouble, are we?"

I shook my head slowly, like a baby, unable to avert my eyes from the man's scar. I hadn't noticed before but those cuts are deep and it made him look even scarier.

The man trying to catch me had fallen in the process and as he stood up, he pointed at me, -"Yeah, Maxson! He's a fucking pain in the ass!"

-"Don't worry. I got this one from now on."- Maxson grinned at me, making me shiver.

-"Yeah, you teach him right."- The other guy said and stormed away, but not before spitting and cursing on me.

When he left, Maxson grabbed my arm with force and hauled me up, -"Listen to me. You got a visit but I'll be keeping an eye on you, got it? Don't try anything stupid or you'll be staying here for more than five months."

Before I could answer, he took both my hands and enclosed them together with a handcuff. He then pushed me out of the cell and led me to another extent area. A wide transparent wall divided the room in two and there were desks on both sides with poor telephones. I've seen this in movies; this is the area where prisoners receive visitors and talk to them for a short period of time. Right now, the desks were full and I could hear faint chatter and cries from them and their sorrowful families.

It didn't take me long to spot Celine, Dad and Marco on the other side, waiting their turn. Their presence brightened me, specially Marco's, and happiness started to settle in. I wished they'd be here to get me out… but I knew better. When my turn came, I was pushed on the seat and before I could even gape my mouth, Maxson spoke, -"Only one of them can talk to you… for five minutes, once a week."

-"What? That's… that's not enough!"- I exclaimed, distraught. That's really not enough. I want to speak to Marco forever. I want… I want to get out of here and be with him. I don't like it here. I wanna go home.

-"Take it or lose it."

Celine quickly gestured Marco to sit down, -"Talk to him, ok? We'll wait for you."- They left after kissing me goodbye with their hands. I saw my father shedding tears as his figure faded.

Marco sat down, took the phone and placed his hand on the wall that separated us, -"Jean, I'm so sorry..."- He spoke, in the brink of tears and his voice shaky.

-"Marco, I don't want to be in here. I hate this place. You gotta get me out…"- I rambled, crying as I saw Marco's sad figure before me. Fuck, I wanna be on that other side. I wanna comfort him. I wanna stroke his hair and tell him that… that everything will be alright.

But I… I also needed to hear that. I also needed him to hug me and comfort me, to tell me that this will be over soon, -"We… we tried, we really tried…"

Try harder... I beg you…, -"Please…"

-"I'm so sorry…"- Marco finally shed those pent up tears. He knew how much sorrow it caused me to see him cry. He knew how much it pained me to see him reduced to tears.

I lowered my head and kept crying on the desk. That's when I heard a faint tick-tock and when I gazed up, I saw a small clock beside me, reminding me of the little time we had.

-"Jean, I need you to hold on… just for a few months, okay? Please, tell me you'll stay strong…"- He said, expecting me to answer.

But I stayed quiet because… I wasn't sure of the answer. I didn't have it. I couldn't answer him because I didn't know how much longer I can take (and it's been just one day).

-"Jean?"- Marco was still waiting for an answer.

I gazed at the clock by impulse. You're running out of time. Say something.

I gaped my mouth but just then, the clock rang and Maxson didn't even wait a second before grabbing my arm and hauling me out of the chair, -"W-wait, I'm not done!"- I yelled, trying to pull away from his grasp.

-"Time's over."

-"No, Marco!"- I tried to extend my tied arms towards Marco's fading figure as Maxson dragged me away.

-"Jean!"- Marco yelled, hands on the transparent wall as tears streamed from his eyes, -"I… I love you! Please, stay strong!"

I... I'll try, Marco…

-"'I love you'?"- Maxson scoffed, pushing me back towards the dim hallway that led to the cells, -"What are you? Gay?"

I didn't say anything and just stared glumly at the floor, already missing Marco. Is that how long all his visits will be? Once a week for only five minutes? I don't think I can handle that. I don't think I can handle any of this. I think I'll end up shooting my brain off.

Maxson led me to the dining area, where prisoners were forced to make a straight line and wait for turns to pick up the food –which looked disgusting and spoiled. The handcuffs tying my hands together were loosened and I was pushed towards the line, colliding with one of the prisoners, -"Hey, watch it!"- Said man pushed me back and I tumbled to the floor, making most of the prisoners in line and on the tables burst in guffaw.

For a while, I stayed on the floor, staring at absolutely nothing until I stood up sluggishly, ignoring everyone mocking me. I started to wait in line for the food, considering I was hungry, but some of the guys started to get in front of me, stealing my turn. I was too anguished to care so I just let them all pass until I finally got my food on the tray. I had no idea what it was and the moment I sat alone in one of the long tables, my appetite vanished.

I was too absentminded to notice someone approaching me, something that surprised me a lot –considering how these people are, -"You gonna eat that?"

I gazed up and saw a very scrawny and hairy guy before me. He was older than me, pale skin with dark, abundant and messy hair. He was pointing at my full tray. I gazed at it and made a face, -"Don't think so, why?"

-"I want it."- He replied, flatly.

Pretty straightforward, huh, -"Sure."- I pushed the tray towards him and he took it and left, sitting alone on another table.

After that, the area was abuzz with loud shouts and sounds, and most of the prisoners started gathering around in groups, probably plotting mischief and sure enough, they pranked and bugged whoever they pleased soon after.

I wanted to get out of here and get back in my cell before they decide to pick on me but suddenly, my empty table was full. I was surrounded by those guys from later and they blocked my way. Fuck, I cursed mentally, not in the mood for this. I didn't felt strong enough to endure this.

And yuck, they stink.

-"So, you the new guy?"- One of them asked.

I didn't say anything and just… pretended I was too focused doing something with my nails.

-"Ei, you deaf or something?"

-"Yeah, Tommy, that's our new guy,"- Spoke someone else, someone closing in to the group around me. Emerged from the crowd, I saw a tall and brusque man with muscular body come right towards me. He was at least a year older than me and he seemed like the ring leader of this small gang of bad boys. He reminds me of… someone, -"He's the so called hero of Trost's high school, defender of gays."

-"Oh, right, the number one troublemaker."

-"Heard he's a good fighter. What do ya' think, Finn?"

-"I think he's just crybaby and a loser, nothing more than a pebble,"- I stood up, unable to take the stench anymore until he suddenly gripped my neck and slammed me against the wall. I grunted and coughed, feeling my neck woozy already, -"Where the hell do you think you're going, huh? Don't ignore me, I wasn't done!"- I got the hint he didn't liked being ignored, which scored another point to that person he reminded me of, -"I'm gonna make things clear here, between you and me, considering you got a reputation out there. This place,"- He gestured around the area, -"This here, is different. It's not like out there. In this place, you're a nobody, you ain't a hero, you're just another asshole thrown in the dump because you're worth nothing, you hear? You're trash and in here, I'm king of the castle and everyone does what I say. You're gonna do the same or else…,"- He leaned his face really close to mines, our nose almost touching, and I smelled his stinky breath from whatever he ate, -"… I'll finish the last guy's work and break your neck."

My eyes widened at that, striking my body with a sharp and cold shiver and… fear. I know of who he reminds me of.

-"Capiche?"- He asked, quirking a thick eyebrow.

I nodded, slowly, feeling my neck swelling again.

-"Say it."

-"I… I get it, I understand…"

-"'I understand' what?"- He asked again.

-"I'll… I'll do whatever you want… me to…"- I replied, my voice shaking and lapsing, breathless.

-"Good,"- He said and let go of my neck, making me fall on my ass on the floor. I stroked my stiff and aching neck, avoiding Finn's gaze –fuck, I even remember his fucking name, -"Now for the welcoming party."

At those words, the prisoners from afar stepped even farther and when I gazed at Finn and his boys again, I saw food in their hands, the food we were served with. Oh no…

-"Welcome to prison!"- Before I could do anything, they lanced the food at me with vigor, like pitchers, all of them together and splattering my whole body. I couldn't see, the food was all over my face. I got some in my mouth and spit it out but more came and I felt nauseous. I hovered my hand in the air, covering my face while trying to tell them to stop but it was pointless. They kept shooting chunks of that expired bread and crumbled eggs, making it impossible for me to do anything, until there was no more food. Finn cleaned his hands above me, dropping the crumbs on me, -"I hope you have a great sentence here and don't get mad, we're all just having fun here."

Frank. He reminds me of Frank.

They left, laughing their asses off as I sat there on the floor, contemplating the mess of food on and around me. It's like my whole life flashed through my eyes again. It's like I'm reliving my past all over again. I've been thrown food before, I've seen people being treated like this before too. Marco… Marco was thrown with food too, in which I was accomplice, and now I know how awful it feels. It feels… it feels like you're nothing more than a pile of shit, a literal dumpster. I then remembered what Marco told me; that I was too stuck on the past and that I needed to move on but how can I when it keeps getting back to me? It keeps repeating, over and over, and I can't do anything to stop it! It's just…!

My chin ached. I wanted to cry… but not here. All eyes were on me, even that freeloader's.

A rattling bell rang, cueing the end of breakfast. I tried to get up but always slipped, meeting the concrete with my face. I grunted and cursed, starting to hate myself for being so weak. It wasn't until the area was empty that the guards lost their patience and dragged me back to my cell, making comments about my stench but not really caring. There, I cried all I had to, muffling my wails with the pillow.

I must have cried a lot afterwards because my energy depleted and I laid flatly on bed -stuck to it, actually, considering I was sweaty… which made my stench worse- until sleep caught up to me, or some of it.

A few days have passed and getting accustomed to this place was really hard, even more so when you don't want to in the first place. I spent those days clanking the cell door and shouting that I was innocent and that I wasn't supposed to be there. I must have reached a breaking point to do something like that and I'll tell you why: I saw a guy rape another one publicly and what's worse, no one gave a damn, meaning this type of shit is normal. Oh, and it doesn't end there, though, more guys joined in until the guard had to literally pull them apart. I was at a corner, hiding and hoping they wouldn't decide to rape me too.

That's not the only thing I witnessed. I saw a man, way older than me, overdose himself with some drug, naturally killing himself. He yelled some things and among those was something I've said too: 'I'm innocent!'. The guards are still investigating the suicide, trying to figure out where the drugs come from.

And of course, there's Finn, picking up fights and mocking the small people whenever he wanted to. I'm one of those small people, in his eyes. Almost every free time in the yard or lunch time, he'd come to me and do something different to me; like sinking my face in my food, pulling my hair, the usual bullying stuff.

Other than yelling I was innocent, I was… I dunno, waiting for someone to get me out of here, anyone. I was waiting for a miracle to happen, I was waiting for God to do something because if he's compassionate and loving as people claim him to be, then he has to do something about me, right? I don't… I don't deserve to be here. I'm innocent… right?

I got tired. Really tired. My throat ached, so I stopped yelling and during cell hours, I contemplated everything -since I didn't have anything else to do. No matter what I told myself, I… I really killed Frank. I wanted him dead, I can't deny it. I have to accept it. I'm a murderer and I killed another human being. I deserve to be here. I deserve this sentence. Zackly was right, I'm… I'm dangerous. I really lost it that day, I really went berserk with anger and got someone killed. What if I do it again? What if lose control and… and I end doing it again? Back then, I wasn't thinking and now thinking about all this is… is mind blowing.

Damn, I… I'm scared of myself. I didn't know I could do that. I didn't know I'd kill someone with my bare hands.

-"Fuck… fuck me…"- I cursed, both hands on my face as mulled over my thoughts. What the hell am I? Fuck, what have I turned into?

A sudden crumbling sound made me snap from my trance. I gazed up and spotted a small hole on the wall before me. I kept staring at it and yelped when I saw someone crawl through it, -"Hey."- He said. It was the freeloader that always asked for my food.

-"What the hell?"- I asked, really confused, -"How did you…?"

-"There's a cavity on that wall so I just move the bricks aside."- He spoke, putting the bricks all back together and sealing the wall.

-"What the fuck…"- I was still bewildered by his random appearance.

-"So, you're Jean, right? You're that guy kicking some bullies' ass, huh, playing hero for gays and all that."- The guy sat on my bed, just like that.

I stared at him wide eyed and then shook my head, -"Wait, wait, wait, hold on,"- I spoke, standing up from my depressive position, -"Let's start again. Who the hell are you and why are you here? Don't you know about privacy?"

He scoffed, puffing hair out of his eyes, -"Privacy? You should know by now that there's no such thing in here, I mean… think about it."

He's right. We're constantly watched.

-"I'm Gabriel, Gabe for short, and I dunno… I thought you needed company, hearin' you saying some depressive stuff. It was getting to me."- He admitted, shrugging.

-"So you came to shut me up, then? Just like the rest? If you're gonna… do something, just do it."- I said, like a damn baby.

-"What? Ah, damn. Look, about Finn… you shouldn't hold any grudges, I mean… he's just having fun and hey, he'll get bored of bullying you soon enough and you'll be fine, just like it happened to me."- He said, trying to comfort me in a weird way.

I frowned. If he's really like Frank, and he is, he's not going to stop. I know guys like him. They never stop, -"No, he won't. Guys like him never stop stomping on others."

-"I guess you'd know but at least he stopped bugging me,"- There was silence for a few minutes until he cleared his throat and spoke again. I was still edgy by his arrival and I think he noticed, but didn't gave a damn, -"So, uh… why you here for?"

-"Huh?"- I was absentminded, probing loose pebbles on the floor. I gazed at him and noticed he kind of looked like a stoner, a junkie, with red and dropped eyes.

-"I asked why they dumped you in here. I mean, you were doing some good stuff out there, right?"

I looked away and sighed, -"I… I killed someone."

-"Whoa, seriously?"

I just nodded. Why the fuck am I telling this guy this? I don't know him. He might as well be one of Finn's buddies -I doubt it, -"You?"

-"What?"

-"What did you do to end up here?"- I asked. If he asked me, then I can ask him. Also, I was curious but by just looking at him, I know the answer.

-"Oh, just smuggling drugs here and there. The usual business and speaking of which,"- Like a cockroach, he crawled to his cell and came back to mines with a bag on hand, -"I got some here. You want?"

-"What? No!"

-"You sure? You look like you want to forget some things and let me tell you, these will make you forget even the day you were born."- As he spoke, he took every drug in that bag and twirled them in his hand.

I shook my head vigorously, not keen on poisoning my body with that junk, -"I said no. Just… get the fuck out of here, junkie."- But I gotta be honest, the thought of just… forgetting all this for a few minutes was… a bit tempting.

-"Your loss,"- He packed the junk and started to crawl back to his cell when he looked over his shoulder, -"I'll be over here if you, uh… change your mind. Just knock the cavity."

-"Yeah, not gonna happen."- I huffed and laid on my bed. Great, now I got a junkie right next to me trying to drug me. This can't get any worse, can it? Considering all that's happened to me, that's an understatement. It can get worse and it will. I just know it.

God, how much longer do I have to be here?

Another few days passed and the more I got used to this place. I came to terms with the fact that no one was gonna get me out of here, that the only way out is to finish my sentence. No God is going to help me. Only I will and for that, I had to stop being a baby and just accept my life here in prison, get used to it because I'm gonna stay here for a long time. Otherwise, I'll go crazy.

The prison was changing me but I ignored that fact. I knew what kind of guy it was changing me into and I didn't like it.

I was also getting used to Gabe's presence. He visited me every cell hours and we just chatted about random things. He never mentioned or offered me drugs again and that's when I knew he visited me for other reasons, -"I'm starving. When will lunch hour start?"- I asked. I just learned he's really good at keeping track of time.

-"Any second now…,"- Like always, he began a countdown, -"In 3… 2… 1…"- And as always, the bell rang at the exact time.

I elbowed him and stood up. He crawled through the hole and closed it before the guards could spot him. He's quick, I'll give him that.

We were escorted to the lunch area and were served with a cup of rice, beans and pork. I sighed at the poor quantity, making my stomach grumble, -"Well, this is better than nothing."- This barely fills my stomach and I go to sleep hungry but I can't complain.

I sat with Gabe, like always, and kept a quiet mouth as Finn's gang infested the area. We tried to keep a low head but you know me; I can't keep my head low, no matter how hard I try to. Guys like him always spot me. This time though, he also picked on Gabe, -"You better have that crack with ya' or else,"- Gabe just looked away, something Finn hated. The guy gripped Gabe's hair and forced him to look at him, -"Hey, I'm talking to ya'!"

Gabe winced and tried to hush Finn. He looked… scared, -"I… I don't have it with me."

-"You're a damn liar. You wanna take all the stash for you, you damn drug addict,"- Finn started to yank him harsher, -"Give em' to me. Now."

Gabe's eyes widened in fear, -"P-please, don't hurt me. I'll… I'll bring them on free hours, promise…"

This… reminded me of something. I've seen this before. My face began to wrinkle. I hate this. I really hate this. Gabe hasn't told me but I knew he had those drugs to forget about certain things. It's not right, but he uses them as an escape from this hell and I… I can't blame him. I want to escape this hell too but truth is, I'm stuck in it no matter what I use or do or whatever. Finn, like always, wanted to take things from others and it's not fair.

-"That's enough."- I said and he turned to me.

-"What was that?"- He did his daily bullying, making my temper stagger. I felt hot within. I felt my blood boiling. I felt… anger. I don't care where I am, I don't have to take this shit -we don't have to. Gabe was incompetent, however. He was too scared by this guy and that's when I realized that he has always been picked on by him. Gabe lied to me, though, to comfort me.

-"I said that's enough,"- I repeated, standing up and turning to face him, -"Stop treating him like that. He doesn't deserve it."

-"Oh, you're feisty,"- He commented, eyeing me whole, -"I hate feisty guys like you. Why the hell should I stop? He does deserve it. Why do you think he's here in the first place?"

-"You talk too much,"- I said, really annoyed by his blabber. My fists and teeth clenched on their own as I glared at him, -"Just stop or…"

-"Or you'll what?"- He teased, mimicking my angry moves, -"What are you gonna do? Kill me? Is that-"

I threw a punch right to his fucking face. He staggered and grunted, cursing obscenities as he held on the table, -"Mother… fucker!"

I readied myself, fully aware that he'll attack me. He stroked his nose and lashed at me, pushing me on the table and quickly aiming for my damaged neck with both hands. I moved aside and kept punching his face, nonstop. He dragged me all across the table, shoving the trays full of food and making the prisoners back away. He then threw me to the floor and straddled me but before he could snatch my neck again, I took one of the trays on the floor and smacked his head with it several times. Not keen on wasting time, I kicked him off of me and pinned him down next. I kept punching him again and again until the guards separated us. I had two of them holding me back by my arms while one of them held Finn. He spat blood, -"You motherfucker!"- He cursed, trying to yank loose, -"This isn't over, goddammit! I'll get you soon and I'll make you pay!"

-"I'll be waiting, asshole! You-"- I was slapped shut by one of the guards, making me angrier. Why the hell do I get slapped and not him?!

-"Enough, both of you! You fucking kids or what? And the rest of you, get back to your damn cells!"- That was Maxson, furious out of his mind too. He reminded me of myself, at some point. He ran his hand through his bald head and stormed towards me, gripping my jumpsuits collar, -"Take this one to the retention cell. I'll take care of him. He's mine."

I was dragged to said cell, which was narrow and dark, and only had some kind pole in the middle. No bed, no window, nothing. I was thrown in and when I gazed at the floor, I saw smudges of blood, tainting my hands. This isn't good…

I turned around and spotted a guard hovering his baton firmly, ready to hit me until Maxson stopped him and pulled him close, -"What did I say before? He's mine."- He gritted his teeth and glared at the other man, snatching the baton and throwing it away.

-"Forgive me… sir."- The guard apologized and walked away. It seems Maxson has some reputation, even among his fellow coworkers.

Maxson sighed, turned to me, entered the cell and closed the door, leaving only a dim light coming the hall to illuminate us, -"I really hate it when someone doesn't do as I say and make my job harder. It's not difficult to follow orders, is it?"- He rambled, walking in circles around me.

I was still pissed but the way he spoke and walked around me managed to set a spark of fear within me. He's up to something. He's gonna do something to me. Rape? Torture? Both?

-"And speaking of which, I thought I told you not to cause trouble, am I right?"- He stopped and lifted some chains from the floor, twirling it around his hand.

I just gulped as I saw him walking towards me slowly, dragging the chains across the floor.

-"Well, I'm going to make sure it never happens again. I need to keep people like you on a leash. Otherwise, the world might as well end."- He yanked me by my arm and hauled me to the pole, trying my arms on it with the chains firmly. I was facing the cold pole and I noticed blood on it too.

I winced as the sharp metal severed my wrists. I pulled back but goddamn, it's hard! -"What do you mean people like me?"

-"Hard-asses like you pushing for your so called "rights" and "greater good", playing to be the good guys, screwing up how things are and the hard work it took with petty rebellions,"- He spoke, standing behind me. He leaned closer to me and spoke to my ear, -"Let me tell you this: nobody has rights. You don't have any and there's no good in this fucking word. People learn by the hard way and I'll show you how."

God, that's cold. What an ass.

Hearing another clanking sound, I looked over my shoulder and saw Maxson loosening his belt. My eyes widened and even more when he threw open my jumpsuit, exposing my back. Is he… is he gonna rape me? He… he can't do that!

No, Jean! Don't let it get to you! You gotta hold on, just like Marco said!

Fear started to burst within me but I tried quenching it. I can't give this guy the satisfaction of scaring me again. I'll endure whatever he throws at me. If he wants to fuck me… so be it.

When he pulled out his belt and started whipping me with it, though, I knew this was going to be worse than that. I cried out, leaning my body forward against the cold pole in pain. Another hit. I hissed. Ouch, that burns! Another one, harsher, with more vigor. I bit the pole, something I'll regret later, as sharp pain struck my body. The hits increased and I lost count of them. I felt my back burning, as if it was on fire, and I couldn't move an inch without grunting in pain.

A few minutes passed. Seeing as I was sweating and breathless, wheezing the little puffs of breath I had, I thought he'd stop. I thought he'd realize that, hey, that's enough, but he didn't stop. He kept hitting me and I swear he even changed the tool. I shut my eyes close to prevent tears from slipping out. Damn it! I have to endure this for… for Marco! I can't let this guy see me crying either! I… I have to hold on... even though it really hurts.

And he's laughing. He's enjoying this.

God, fuck…!

I couldn't take it anymore. I can't hold anymore. My back was going to explode.

All this time, I've muffled my cries, but in a second, they all escaped my mouth, -"S-stop…,"- I whined, crying in pain as my body tumbled down with my hands still firmly tied on the pole, -"… p-please… fuck, it hurts…"

-"What was that?"- He spoke chirpily, too excited for comfort. He's… he's fucking crazy, doing something like this to me -or anyone. He gripped my hair and pulled my head back, close to his face, -"I didn't hear you."

-"I… I'm s-sorry…,"- I wheezed. I hate to admit this, but I… I regret standing up to Finn, I regret… everything. I'm… I'm scared. I want this to end, -"It… it won't happen again…"- God, please help me…

Maxson knelt before me, still gripping my hair, and grinned, satisfied with my words and his work. I said what he wanted to hear and I bet if I didn't said it, he'd torture me more, -"You know what will happen if it does, right? Maybe… violation?"- He whispered, neared his mouth to my neck and started licking it, then sucking on it and sending waves of revulsion across my body, -"I know you like men so it's not gonna be a problem…"

I didn't say anything as my body shivered in disgust.

He then grabbed my neck and forced me look directly at his face, clenching his finger on its sides. I groaned at the shot of pain, -"Hmm, your neck looks… spoilt. I'll make note of that the next time you disobey me. Now look at me,"- I looked at his eyes, often dropping it unintentionally and earning a slap to my face. Maxson's eyes locked in with mines and his glare was intense, intimidating and piercing. He's… he's really serious, -"The more trouble you cause, the more… quality time we'll spend together in this nice, cozy cell. You get me?"

I just nodded and looked away.

He slapped me again, harder this time, and tightened his grip on my neck, -"Hey, I wasn't done!"- He shouted, right in my face and spitting it, -"You're here because you earned it and you're being punished because you deserve it. In here, you're trash, not worth a single penny, so you better get used it and not whine like a fucking baby when everyone reminds you."

If wringing the fuck out of my neck wasn't enough, he slammed the side of my head against the pole, almost knocking me unconscious. All the strength I had dwindled as I finally toppled to the floor, unable to even hold my head anymore. I groaned in pain as Maxson stood up and walked towards the door. When I heard the cell door closing, I gasped lowly, -"W-wait… you're gonna… leave me here?"

With a lot effort, I managed to peek over my shoulder and I saw him grin. It was a stupid question. Of course he's gonna leave me here to rot.

-"N-no… I'm sorry…,"- I gasped, trying to keep my breathing steady but I was losing it. I don't want to be in this cell! -"P-please… come back…"- But he was long gone and I was left to rot in this dark, cold and isolated cell with my hands still tied to the pole.

No... no, no, no…

How am I going to eat? How am I going to use the bathroom and… how am I going to sleep? I… I don't want to be alone in here…

I'm scared…

-"Please… help…, anyone…"- I began to call for help because… there really isn't anything else I could do. I tried to loosen the chains but all I did was worsen the cuts, making them bleed a little. Fuck…

I kept calling for help and trying to loosen the chains for… I don't know how long. Hours. Days. Weeks. I didn't know. I stopped when I literally couldn't speak anymore and didn't had the strength to even lift my body. I was literally hanging against the pole. My throat was too dried. I'm thirsty and starving. I haven't drink or eaten anything in a long time.

I then realized it was useless. There's no point in it. No one's going to help me. Everyone is here on their own. I'm… I'm such a wimp and an idiot. I need to understand that I'm alone here and that things here are the way they are, hard and violent, and I can't change it. I have to adapt and… succumb, even if it hurts. If I keep the boisterous attitude, I'll… I'll surely die. There's someone important waiting for me outside this prison and that person asked me to hold on, no matter how bad things are.

God. I miss you so much, Marco…

I lost track of time and since there's no windows, I didn't know if it was still daytime or nighttime. Considering the silence, I'd say it was nighttime but this cell is isolated so maybe I can't hear whatever's going on out there. Anyhow, I was deadbeat and slumberous but it's impossible for me to find a comfortable spot with my hands tied, -"Fuck…"- I cursed in agony, struggling with the chains. Fuck my fucking life.

I couldn't sleep. I don't know how long I've been awake and I'm so fucking tired. My eyes dropped but then they'd snap open again. My arms were numb and my whole back thumped. I felt my stomach grumble, churning and vibrate in hunger. It hurts like hell, further agonizing my abandonment in this cell.

Damn it! For how much longer is he gonna leave me here?!

More time passed as I laid faintly on the cold floor, counting the rats and bugs that passed by. I didn't have anything else to do -oh, and deciding whether or not eat them but considering my hands are still tied, I couldn't do anything. Anything.

Maybe you should just kill yourself. It's hopeless. Nobody's coming for a trash like you.

No, you can't… what about…?

Marco? What about him?

Don't you think about how devastated he'll be if…

Don't you think about Jean anymore? About how bad he's suffering right now? He's famished and bone-dry! He's even crazy with these voices inside his head telling him to kill himself!

A loud shrieking noise snapped me from my suicidal thoughts. I wanted to look what it was but I didn't even have the strength for that.

-"He's still alive?"- A faint voice spoke, but was it… my mental voices or…? -"Damn."

Then, the chains around my wrist clanked and loosened, and my arms quickly tumbled down along with my body. I was then dragged somewhere and left for dead again. When I woke up and came to the bit of sense left in me, though, I noted I was back in my original cell, on my bed. I sat up and immediately regret it; my back was extremely sore and I slumped back to bed.

-"Psst."

-"Huh?"- I mumbled, gazing to where I heard the sound.

-"Hey, Jean,"- Squinting my eyes, I spotted Gabe peeking through the hole like he always does, -"You up yet?"

I groaned and clutched my empty stomach, -"No…"- My voice was horse due to my dried throat.

-"Yeah, you are,"- He stepped through, closed the hole and knelt before my bed, -"Here. Eat up."

-"What's…?"- I looked beside me and saw him with a tray on hand. It had big pieces of bread on it, along with boiled eggs and cooked ham.

-"Just eat it before they find out -oh and I got you water too."- He reached the spot beside him, pulled up a glass of water and placed it on tray.

My eyes widened at the food before I literally began eating it like a damn dog. I snatched each portion in my dirty hands and took huge bites off of them, swallowing before even chewing properly, -"Whoa, slow down, big guy. You're gonna choke."- Gabe warned, his voice low.

But I didn't listen. I kept eating and in less than three minutes, the tray was half empty. I snatched the glass of water and gulped it down my throat. I felt the cool liquid refresh my dried gorge, kind of clearing my blurry head. I began to cough the second I remembered, hell, everything, making my throat thin again, -"I'm sorry… I'm so sorry…"- I started apologizing out of blue with no concrete reason, covering my full mouth and trying for the food not the slip from my fingers. I just felt sorry.

-"The hell are you apologizing for? Just eat!"- He blurted unintentionally, quickly covering his mouth too.

My eyes watered. Goddamn, what's wrong with me!? Here's Gabe giving me food and what am I doing? Spitting it!

-"Jesus, just listen to me!"- He gripped my head and made me look straight at his eyes, -"You've been gone for days, Jean, days -heck, almost a week- and I know where they took you and I know they didn't feed you or gave you anything so I know you're starving -fuck, you've lost weight! I've been gathering this food for you while you were gone, okay? So what, it's my food but you've always given me yours, remember? I owe you all this so just… just eat, for Christ's sake!"

I stared at him with eyes wide and then at the mountain of food. I gaped my mouth.

-"Don't say anything, just eat. You… you deserve it. What you did before they took you away was… amazing and brave. You didn't deserve that punishment -you don't even deserve to be here in the first place…"- Gabe spoke, looking at me with admiration.

I kept staring at him until I decided to keep eating what he brought me, slower this time. A few minutes later, I had my stomach full, allowing me to think clearly. I woke up here, in bed, because of him. Gabe, he… took care of me. I remember someone throwing me in here. I must have fallen unconscious afterwards because I don't remember seeing anyone else carry me to bed. The only one who could have done that was Gabe, the one with a hole on his cell, connecting to mines. I gazed at my wrists and I saw them all wrapped up in bandages. I pulled on the straps and saw the fresh cuts from the chains that tied me. I hissed at the slight pain and covered them again. This was Gabe's doing too. That's when I started to wonder how he got all this stuff but considering he's sly as fuck, I pushed the thought away.

My back was still hurting and I had trouble standing up and moving freely but I at least managed to sat up from bed, -"I… thank you. You… you saved my life."- I murmured, unable to part my eyes from him.

-"It.. it was nothing. Listen, you… uh, gotta make it outta here. Don't let that asshole get to you."- Maxson. He's talking about Maxson.

The mere thought of the man made my body shiver and shrink. I'm going to have nightmares about that man, -"He... he tortured me."

-"He does that to everyone like you, who step up to him and others, so you can fear him,"- Gabe spoke as if he perfectly knew it, -"I know it's difficult but… please, don't let him. You're… you're the only good guy here in this fucking hell. The only good thing that's ever happened. You're strong and I know you can be stronger than him, just… don't give up, no matter how bad it hurts."

No, you don't understand. I'm… I'm weak.

-"Jean…?"

He suddenly reminded me of Marco. I don't know why but it further aggravated my grievance. I just laid on my bed and turned around, giving him my back, -"Just… go to sleep."- I said, wishing for him to just shut up.

And he did, quietly returning to his cell and leaving me to bottle my tears up for the rest of the night or day or whatever.

Fuck. My. Life.