Holy shit, chapter 90... o.O but we're reaching the end here guys.

Warning: Sexual content.

Disclaime: I do not own Attack on Titan.

NINETY

Somebody kill me.

I was having a nightmare about the very man that has been haunting me: Maxson.

In a wide terrain splattered with blood, I laid alone, all chained up and kneeling, begging for help. The painful chains severed my naked body as I tried to get loose. Further ahead of me was Maxson himself with a long ass whip. He walked towards me, slowly, and when he reached me, he started me lashing me with it, causing me to bleed. I wanted to scream in pain, but I couldn't, my mouth was muffled with a tight tape. Maxson then rallied everyone that has left a scar on me, everyone that has cause me pain and agony: Frank, George, Francis, Nile, Trevor, Kuan… everyone. Together, they tortured me, made me cry in agony… but I was the one that could only hear those cries, deep within my head. No one else could. They just laughed as they lashed and cut my body, causing my blood to pool beneath me.

Each and everyone one of these haunt me, in some way, but the head of this nightmare was Maxson, the man I couldn't forget and will probably never will. He revived and invigorated my old wounds, making them ache and overflow me again.

I ended up murdered by the ones I defeated: Frank, Kuan, and so on, and they finished me the same way I finished them, as payback.

~ o ~

I woke up gasping for air. I tried to sit up from the bed but my back was still sore, making me cough and tumble from the bed. I cursed and tried to breathe steadily, to settle my anxiousness, but I couldn't. I couldn't make the nightmare go away from my head. It's haunting me, agonizing me. I could still hear their laughs, their words and I could still feel the pain…

-"Jean…? You alright?"- Gabe spoke from the hole and peeked in my cell, -"Holy shit! What's wrong?"- He crawled in towards me, helping me sit up with an arm around my sore back.

I winced at the pain, closing one teary eye, -"Ow, fuck…!"

-"Shit, I'm sorry!"- He apologized, pulling his arm back a bit. He then helped me up and sat me on my bed again. He tried to calm me down but I was too shaken up and restless. My body was literally shaking and I still had that nightmare fresh in my head, terrorizing me.

-"Stop, just… stop."- I spoke, pushing him away. He's just trying to help, Jean.

-"Try to relax. You're, um… hyper… hyperventilating or something."

Oddly, I started to remember one time I got this frantic and sought Diego for help. That was the first time I smoked a cigarette. I was looking for comfort, to forget whatever had happened then, -"Gabe, I… I need to forget something. Now."- I know I'll regret this later but right now, I need it or else I'll collapse. My heart beats are off the chart and my breathing was crazy.

-"Whoa, are you…?"- He watched me, trying to figure out just how serious I was, -"… even the day you were born?"- He asked.

-"Yeah, even that."- I don't even want to remember I'm alive. That caused everything that torments me today.

Gabe thought about it for a few seconds; he wanted to drug me, help me forget but he was worried. That junk is poisonous and it'll probably spur some nasty side effects in my body but I don't care about that -not now, at least. He sighed and finally nodded. He, more than anyone, understood me. He doesn't have that stash solely for business.

He came back from his cell with that bag he first showed me and pulled his… stuff out. I saw several syringes and white blocks of… something, along with pills and a zip bag with green stuff -weed, I think. I've never any of it in my entire life and Gabe started to name and explain them all but I really wasn't in the mood to learn anything, -"Just hit me with the best you've got, Gabe."

-"Al-alright but if you start feeling… weird, let me know, ok?"- He said, pulling one of the syringes and hovering it near my arm.

I laughed bitterly as he sank the needle in my skin, -"Can't make any promises."- I hissed a bit at the sting.

-"Jean, this is serious. It's obvious you've never had one of these before so the effects can be overwhelming at first… at least until your body, um… gets used to it."- He kept blabbering something but my head was kind of… woozy already. I felt the drug rush through my veins, taking away all my pain with it. I exhaled and relaxed on my bed as my mind was cleared of any thoughts that torment me.

-"Hey, what else you got?"- I asked, peaking at the bag. I was enjoying the rush and craved for more. I hadn't noticed that Gabe was taking in his share too, inhaling some kind of white dust and boy, he really likes it. When he lifted his head, he hitched it back and gaped his mouth.

He then gazed at me and offered me some. I saw his eyes redder than usual, -"Just smell it, man. Crack's glorious."- And he speaks different, more loosely, when stoned.

And so I did and immediately sneezed when it went right up my nose. It smelled weird… but good. It warmed my nose and then filled my lungs with hotness. We shared and smelled crack and other drugs while we prattled until Gabe dug another syringe from the bag, -"What's that?"- I asked, not really caring but considering it's different than the others and had a longer needle…

-"This one will really make you forget all those bad stuff, man,"- He spoke, slurring over the words as he hovered the needle close to my neck, -"Trust me…"

-"Hit me."- I replied, tilting my head to allow him a better access. The more the merrier really, but honestly, I can't remember anything -heck, I can't even think. My head was all funny and hazy and my body was slug. I was high already but if I can be higher…

-"In it goes,"- He whispered in my ear as the sharp needle sank in my neck's skin. I didn't felt it this time. My body was numb and after a few minutes, I felt… hot and… hard, kind of lusty. Horny. I wanted… I wanted someone to touch me, -"How… do you feel?"- Gabe whispered again and I felt something crawl up through my thigh.

-"I feel…,"- My mind began to cloud with steamy thoughts and images, with… with Marco. I saw Marco all over and he was naked. God. My body was set on fire at those images of Marco's butt and dick, of his sexy abs and freckles. Then, I started to remember the times I've had sex with him and began wishing to fuck him again, over and over. Fuck, I want Marco right now, -"I feel… hot."

-"Oh yeah?"- There's that sensation of something crawling across my thighs again and then my crotch, followed by a gentle pressure.

I moaned at the small but effective ebb of pleasure. Now I'm feeling things, -"Yeah…,"- I slurred, biting my lips in order to prevent any other moans escape my mouth, -"What… was that? It's… so good."- I really liked it.

-"It's a sexual supplement, it boosts your libido."

Oh…

Another goody sensation down below. I gazed down and saw Gabe's hand groping my crotch gently, pressing the area and educing low moans from my mouth, -"The hell do you… think you're doing?"- I spoke, slurring over the words due to the undeniable pleasure, -"I have…"

-"A boyfriend, I know,"- He whispering into my ear again, making my skin there prickle, -"And I'm just… helping you forget. I'm not doing anything wrong, it's not like he'll find out, right?"

I wanted to believe that because I wanted him to continue touching me like that.

But I knew, deep within the soon nonexistent parts of my reasoning, that this was wrong. Marco's my boyfriend and I swore to myself that I'll be loyal to him no matter what. Only he can touch me like this. Only he can pleasure me like this.

But I was reaching a breaking point. This drug was stronger than me and as my reason faded, I leaned back against the bed and allowed Gabe to indulge me.

The guy grinned and narrowed me, -"Just… think about him and it'll be fine."

Yeah, think about Marco, I told myself as Gabe straddled me and brought his face close to my neck. He groped me a bit faster now, pressing my crotch harsher, it shouldn't feel as bad.

-"M…,"- I began to babble, feeling the waves of pleasure growing -and Marco's naked images in my head, -"F-fuck…"

-"Does it feel good?"- Gabe whispered to my ear as he licked it and dipped his tongue in it. Along with a bit of disgust, I felt pleasure tickle my body.

-"Uh… huh…"- I replied, gripping the bed's sheets firmly. Fuck… I want to feel more… I want…

Gabe unzipped my jumpsuit, exposing my toned abdomen. He whistled, running his rough hand through it, -"Damn, you're hot."- He commented, nibbling the skin of my shoulder.

That made me more excited that I'd like to admit -and harder.

He fondled my abdomen thoroughly, not minding at all my sweaty and dirty body. He dipped his finger in my belly-button, kind of like I do to Marco's, and with his other hand, he pinched my nipple, making me moan a bit louder. Gabe snickered, enjoying my fluster, as he licked my earlobe next. He figured it wasn't exactly my soft spot so he traveled to the tip of my apple and when he nibbled it, I shivered in pleasure and moaned louder.

-"Your boyfriend's lucky…"- Gabe spoke, close to my ear while fondling me south, close to my crotch.

Is he?

Gabe scurried his hand lower, making his way into my underpants furtively. He caressed my v-line first, trying to get me to erect and it proved easy because for starters, I couldn't stop thinking about Marco and second, this drug was doing all the work. Gabe started fingering me inside, dipping and circling his fingers between my nuts. I moaned at the sensation and thought about the times I've fingered Marco, about how good my hands felt in his pants, about his pleasuring moans and bleats of my name…

I really miss him… I really want him here instead of…

Those thoughts made me hotter and harder.

Gabe fingered me deeper and faster, breathing raggedly beside my ear, enjoying this more than I was. I felt a sweet orgasm coming up and my dick went stiff, dripping cum on his hands, -"I wanna fuck you so bad…"- He whispered lewdly in my ear before taking hold of my cock and started jerking it off fast.

-"F-fuck…,"- I muttered, feeling that orgasm coming up, -"… M-Marco…"- Marco's naked pictures in my mind were really boosting this, turning me on and on.

-"Yeah, it's me, Jean."

-"Mhm…,"- I moaned as Gabe fastened his pace and pressed my cock, -"Fuck… I-I'm…"- I reached my climax and ejaculated, exhaling in pleasure.

Gabe exhaled next to my ear, -"Better?"- He asked, nuzzling my neck.

I just nodded and bit my lip, feeling that drug in my veins still rushing by, making me wish for even more. How far can I go with this without agonizing in guilt? I wanted to feel my cock in this guy's -I mean, in Marco's mouth. I wanted him to blow me but...

Before I could even gape my mouth, Gabe had made way south and pulled my cock out to the open, -"Holy shit,"- He spoke, gasping, -"It's big."- He commented, eyes wide and grinning.

I just rolled my eyes, looked away and just hoped he'll just stare at it and not blow it -while secretly wanting to.

He knew, though. It was no secret. He knew I wanted him to blow me so he didn't dallied and started sucking me off, -"W-w-wait… hold on…"- I stuttered, slowly sitting up to push his head away.

-"I know you want this, Jean,"- He spoke lowly, caressing my thigh, -"It's okay, really. This'll stay just between us…"

I exhaled at the gleeful sensation of his slick tongue on my cock, distracting and derailing me from reason. That's all I needed to hear. I slumped back on bed and Gabe continued to suck me, licking off my incessant cum that dripped from my shaft. I held onto the bed's fringe as an immense wave of delight washed me whole. Oh God, that feels so good… I haven't felt this good since I got here. Gabe squeezed my cock, making it spill cum into his mouth. He swallowed every single drip and twirled his thin fingers around my pubic hair there -I haven't shaved in a long time and you'd think it's embarrassing, but actually… I kind of liked. He tickled me, pulling my hair in that area and making me educe a sharp moan, -"You like that, huh…"- He whispered, running his tongue across my hair there. I moaned again, enjoying the sensation a bit too much.

-"Just…,"- I wheezed, -"… just suck me."

Gabe grinned and snickered, shoving my cock in his mouth once again. I felt my climax closing in again and the closer it was, the louder I moaned and writhed in bed. I gripped the guy's hair and started jolting his head up and down, thrusting my dick deeper in his mouth. Once I released in his mouth, I relaxed and breathed steadily.

Gabe sucked out the remnants of my cum and gazed at me but I saw Marco instead. I don't why, but I saw Marco instead of him and I didn't question it. I was too high to care. Abruptly, I took his head and smashed his lips against mine, kissing him madly while my mind flooded with Marco. I couldn't help it. I really couldn't help it. I miss Marco so damn much... I miss his kisses, his tender touch, his smile, his eyes, his… everything.

We kissed for a long time. A long time. We fell asleep on the same bed and for the first time in this damned prison, I slept for more than four hours.

~ o ~

-"Wake up, prisoners!"

The unmistakable morning bell rang out along the guards' shouts. I groaned, feeling my head thumping, aching. I sat and rubbed my temples, -"Damn, this fucking headache…"- I cursed and whined, trying to soothe my head but with the fucking bell and the noisy guards…

I stood up, remember where I was, until a sudden nausea made my stomach churn. I placed my hand on my belly and clutched it, feeling something hot and nasty coming up from the pits of my stomach, rasping my throat. Oh fuck..

I ran towards the corner of my cell, leaned my hands on the wall and barfed nonstop, making a green, stinky puddle beneath me. The guard assigned to escort me to the dining area cursed, -"The fuck is wrong with you? Hey, we got a sick one here!"

I heard footsteps closing in, -"Huh, probably food poisoning. It'll pass."- Someone else spoke dismissively.

One of the guards walked away, -"You better wrap up or you'll miss breakfast."

I gulped and just nodded. I wasn't hungry but considering I won't get much to eat later, I decided to at least take a bite or two. When the nausea subsided, I was taken to the dining area, which was already packed with prisoners. At least the line isn't full…

I walked towards the line sluggishly, too tired to even hold the tray firmly. It slipped from my grip while the janitor served me with food and some of it fell to the floor beneath me. The bitter, fat woman growled and gestured me to move along, -"Eat it from the floor or scram, filth."

I just turned away and walked towards an empty table. There, I probed the pale pancake with my fork and sighed, still feeling fuzzy within. I took two bites of it and lost appetite.

Damn hangover…

I don't remember much about last night, only that I got really high with Gabe's drug. That and I slightly remember someone blowing me. I think it was Marco but that's impossible. It had to be a wet dream.

Who the hell are you trying to fool?

I wish I had gotten higher.

I pushed the tray away and dropped my head flatly on the table, groaning while clutching my belly. Fuck, I cursed mentally. We almost fucked. Goddamn, we almost fucked if I'd gotten another dose of that horny drug -and to be fair, I wanted another one, but Gabe himself told me I've had enough, saying that I shouldn't poison my "healthy" body anymore.

Speaking of which, said man joined me on my table but I ignored him, looked away and acted as if I've forgotten everything. I felt guilty, alright? I kept thinking of what Marco would think of me when he finds out I almost fucked with a stranger and a drug addict. Like I said, I regret it. I definitely regret it.

When the breakfast hour ended, I was the first one to stand up and dump my food. We were then escorted to the bathing area and everyone had to take their clothes off in front of the guards -when I said we were always watched, I wasn't kidding. The room was wide and humid, the tiled floor and walls were slippery so we had to watch our step. The showers were all lined up together with a small, white towel beside them. We stood under it, very close to the wall and bathed, watching our asses considering rape is common around here.

I was glad I could finally take a bath, considering I haven't taken one since I was… tortured. As I bathed and allowed the water to wash me, my hangover cleared and I could finally think straight. My mind kind of opened and memories started pouring in, something I didn't want last night. I breathed deeply, feeling kind of… like losing my mind, calm down, Jean. That already passed and it won't happen as long as you don't get in trouble.

I leaned my hands against the wall and stared down at the puddle of water beneath me and the reflection it displayed of me. I sighed at the defeated face and tired eyes. God, I don't want to remember that but my mind betrayed me and images of Maxson and his whip and the dark cell overwhelmed me. My body began to shiver madly and my hands often slipped from the tiled wall. Keep it together, man. Desperate to forget that moment, I asked Gabe to hit me with his drugs and it worked. I didn't though about Maxson once. Then, suddenly, he injected me with a different drug, one that boosted my sex drive. I guess sex really does make you forget about things but… doing it with someone you don't really know when you have a boyfriend already, it just… makes things worse. I can't bear with the guilt and because of that, I've been ignoring Gabe. He... wanted to help me forget but I got the distinctive idea that he wanted to drug me with that last shot since… well, since we've met.

I gazed behind me, feeling eyes on my back, and I spotted Gabe himself staring at me -specially my butt. He noticed I was looking and he gazed away. I sighed. In any case, I should be grateful. He was there when no one else was. He helped me forget something that would've probably haunted me the whole night. I slept thanks to him.

After bathing hour finished, we clothed up and returned to our cells. There, I decided to apologize and thank Gabe, so I knocked on the cavity and he quickly opened the hole, -"What is it?"

-"Can we talk?"- I asked, scratching my scalp.

-"Oh, now you want to talk after ignoring me the whole day?"

-"I'm sorry, okay? Just… get in."- I stood and sat on my bed, waiting for him.

He sighed and crawled in. After closing the hole, he stayed stood, far from me. He probably thought that after last night, I'd be edgy with him.

-"Sit down, will you?"- I said, patting the area of my bed beside me.

And he did, very slowly.

-"Look, I just wanted to apologize for being a total jerk and ignoring you. I… last night, what we did… it was wrong, but I'm grateful. You helped me forget… well, everything, and I managed to sleep more than I've ever had."- I spoke with honesty, trying to keep my eyes on him.

-"Yeah, uh…,"- He sighed, probably struggling with himself to say something. He gazed down at the floor, avoiding my eyes, -"… since you're being honest and all, I want to tell you something too. I, uh… wanted to give you that last drug for a while -hell, I even tried to drug once you while you slept."

My eyes widened slowly.

-"Before you say anything, yeah, I like you… a lot and ever since you stood up for me, well… I can't stop thinking about you."- He kept his head low, preventing me to see his blushed face.

I stayed speechless for a few seconds. I figured he drugged me for more than being friendly. I mean, I remember how he touched me last night; he didn't hold back and seemed… desperate. I think I also remember him saying something about wanting to fuck me bad, -"Woah, um… I hadn't realized."- I never do.

-"Look, I know you have a boyfriend and I realized how much he means to you, how loyal you are and yeah, it was wrong of me to drug you and kind of force you into doing it so I… I'm sorry."- He gazed at me apologetically.

-"It's…,"- I scratched my neck again, -"… it's okay."

-"I hope we can still be friends…"- He added.

I smiled, -"Yeah, 'course."

We elbowed each other and spent the morning prattling.

~ o ~

Long and slow weeks passed by and I was reliving my time in elementary and middle school. I woke up by furious, shouting guards, ate breakfast and get picked on, then we returned to our cell and then we dined and again, I get picked on. Again, I was getting really angry and the impulse to fight back grew in me but then I remembered Maxson and his dark cell and just… endured it. I can't get into any trouble…. I don't want to be tortured again, I don't want to see Maxson's scarred face again, I don't want to spend a whole week in a cell all tied up and suffering from hunger and thirst, unable to sleep and slowly losing sanity.

-"Five minutes, no more nor less."- The guard reminded me as I sat in a chair to face Marco.

-"Yeah, I know. You've said it like five times already."- I rolled my eyes and spoke with attitude, something he probably won't like but I was getting really irritated by these assholes and this whole damn place.

-"Watch your damn tongue kid, or I'll show you who's in charge."- He spat back.

I gaped my mouth quickly, about to spat another snarky reply.

-"Jean…"- Marco called.

I bit my tongue and just ignored the guard. I wanted to tell Marco so many things but the lack of privacy was infuriating. The guy was literally right behind me, -"I'm sorry."

-"How are you?"- He began, trying his best not to burst in tears again due to my state; I must have huge bags under my eyes and a few bruises around. I've lost weight and my skin was paler than usual. He was observing me and his eyes watered.

-"Could be better…"- I answered, twirling the phone cord in my finger, trying to distract myself from making an outburst.

-"You look… emaciated."- Marco gasped and covered his mouth, blocking a few wails. He couldn't see me like this.

I'm not the only one suffering, then, -"Yeah…"- I look like shit.

-"And you have… bruises. How?"

I smiled bitterly, -"These guards aren't exactly friendly."- And some of the prisoners too, at that. I heard the guard behind me huff.

Marco gasped again. He was getting how this prison plays and he didn't like it, -"Oh no..."

-"Marco, they…,"- I gazed at the clock quickly. I had only two minutes and I had to tell Marco everything, -"… they torture me -I mean us, all of us, and they punish us by leaving us to starve and-"

-"Okay, that's enough!"- The guard lost his patience and snatched me by my arm, pulling me away.

-"Hey, I got one more minute! Let me go!"- I yelled, trying to pull loose from his grip. The guard didn't care how much time I had left, he just yanked me all the way to my cell and unsheathed his baton, -"What? You gonna hit me now for saying the truth?"

-"You spoke too much, kid, and now you're paying. Besides,"- He pulled the baton up, -"You annoy me."

I readied myself and when he started hitting me, I managed to dodge a few by moving my body. It was until he started aiming at my head that I attacked back, kicking his legs and knocking him down. We must have made a ruckus because the prisoners started cheering for me, -"Come on, don't let that bastard win!"- I knew then that those prisoners were victims of this guard's aggressiveness.

-"What the hell is going on here?"- I knew that voice too well and it made every limb in my body weaken and coward.

-"Shit…"- The prisoners cursed and stepped back from their cell doors.

I shrank back too, praying he wouldn't take me to the other cell. My later fumes quenched as I stood down like a pup about to be kicked. His steps were loud, heavy and each one made my heart skip. When he appeared from the corned, I shrieked lowly and gasped, -"Oh, it's you again,"- Maxson dismissed the other guard and turned to me, -"I missed you."

-"I… I'm…"- I began to apologize but I held myself. Don't you dare, Jean. Don't yield to this asshole.

-"What was that?"- He asked, with his baton on hand. He wanted me to say it.

I just bit my tongue and that earned me a blow to my head with the hard stick. I cried and tumbled down, feeling it pulsing and aching. It rendered me blind for a moment and I didn't saw yet another blow to my head… then another, and another…

-"I'm sorry…,"- I managed to blurt out, -"… I'm so sorry…"- And I hated myself for it. Every side of my body throbbed, hurting. I couldn't move.

-"That's better,"- Maxson sheathed his baton and looked at me, pleased with himself, -"I was about to take you to our little, cozy cell again."

I shivered at that and watched him step out and close my cell. When he disappeared from my eyesight, I started crying, as silently as I could, and groaning in pain. I crawled towards my bed and just laid there for the rest of the day. Fuck, it hurts again. Everything hurts again.

I tried to rest but Maxson's image in my head wouldn't brush off, keeping me on edge. I think… I think I need another hit from those drugs. I started calling Gabe but he didn't answer. I got the hunch that he was ignoring me on purpose. I trudged towards the cavity and before I could even knock, Gabe spoke, opening the hole a bit, -"No, Jean. That's enough."

-"Please, I need it…"- It's not like a had a serious craving or anything, like I'm addicted to it. I just… I need a tiny bit of it to cloud my mind.

Gabe just shook his head, -"You should stay healthy and avoid becoming… like me."

I peeked through the hole a little and I saw his eyes redder than before, his skin paler and his flesh clinging to his bones.

-"I'm an addict, okay? And this stuff is killing me but I can't stop taking it,"- He spoke, exasperated, -"And someone like you shouldn't go through this, someone like you should… should stay strong and sane."

I don't think I'm entirely sane but… I understood what he meant. I know what he's doing. He cares about me and ingesting that junk is harmful. Even though I desperately wanted to forget some things by getting high, deep within, I knew it was bad and the tiny bit of reason told me not to do it. I guess the desperation and pain took the better of me and if I allow it now, my health will be in peril.

As I reasoned, I got worried for Gabe too, -"Then let me help you."- But as I saw his body shake for a fix, I feared it was pointless.

He smiled, though, he genuinely smiled, -"That… really makes me happy but I don't think I can win this, Jean. My body is too used to this crap, it makes me weak and sick. I literally can't go a day without it."

The withdrawal will probably end up killing him faster and it'll be worse, -"I'm…"

-"You always apologize for stuff that aren't your damn fault, huh? Idiot."- He laughed lowly, hovering a syringe near his wrist.

Then what am I supposed to do? -"Then what do you want me to do? What the fuck can I do, huh?"- I could only feel sorry and sad I couldn't do anything to help him.

-"Just close that hole and be who you are, Jean, no matter what. Don't let Maxson get away with it, don't let him win. Just… be strong, for me and 'course, for yourself."- He said and began closing the hole.

I sighed heavily, -"I don't know, I just don't know. He's…"- He already won. I'm weak and subdued to him. I try to… somehow step up against him but he always manages to knock me back down. No matter how I look at it, he got through me with fear.

That painful fact made me angry.

-"Please, Jean..."

I sighed and closed the hole with the last brick, -"I'm sorry…"

~ o ~

I think a month has already passed. Just four more to go.

That's if I don't break underneath my hard-tried "cool" and get tortured to death. I thought maybe if I just ignored Finn, he'd leave me alone and I'd just spent my sentence in peace because hey, he's a grown up man, right? I thought he'd realized that he was acting like a damn kid, picking on others like an immature asshole.

That wasn't the case. The guy has his matureness stuck somewhere in his ass and he wasn't planning on pulling it out any time soon. There wasn't a day in which he didn't bully me. He always, always had something new to mock me with. My temper was dwindling -oh! And Finn wasn't the only one causing it to, the guard were also tampering it in their own, truculent ways.

-"There's this asshole here that reminds me of… of my bullies back in middle school,"- I said, half lying. I didn't want to mention Frank to Marco, -"He really pisses me off and I think he's doing it on purpose."- He either does it for fun or because he wants to get me in trouble with the guards -or both.

But Marco gave me one of his knowing looks that always pierced even my tiniest lie. He knew the guy mostly reminds me of Frank. I can't fool him. In any case, he sighed and his face saddened, -"I'm sorry you have to go through this, Jean. I… I hate to see you in there…"- He began rambling, his eyes watering again, like every day he visited me.

And I hate to see you like that because of me… -"Marco…,"- I sighed, wishing I could do something. All this time I've been talking about myself and how much I hate this place, and that I wanted to get out asap. I haven't asked Marco about, well, himself and I feel like a looked… depressed, like that time in the hospital, and really exhausted. I can easily tell he hasn't slept well and that he's under severe tension, -"How… how about you? I mean, how are you doing?"

His expression saddened again as he looked at me in grievance, -"I'm…,"- He sobbed, -"I… I miss you, Jean… so much. I just want to see you free, I want to see you home and with us and it hurts when I still see you in there. We… tried to get you out but…,"- He sobbed again, lowering his head, -"I'm sorry…"

-"Marco…,"- God, this is worse than Maxson's torture, -"Don't be. It's not your fault, okay? I'll… I'll hold on and finish my sentence. You just gotta be… patient."- I should tell that to myself more often.

-"I'm still not giving up. There… there must be something else we can do…"- And he kept maundering, traumatic. He's suffering too. This is torture for him -mental torture.

I gazed at the clock. Only one minute left, -"Marco, listen to me,"- It's maddening not being able to hold him in my arm and reassure him that everything… everything will be alright as long as we both stay strong, -"Finishing my sentence is the only way out and I'm not gonna screw the law and break out. We just… need to stay strong and soon, we'll be together again. I… I need you to hold on too, okay? Promise me."- I want to hold his hands, I want to embrace him and feel his body against mine. I don't know where I got those words from but Marco definitely had to do with it. At first, I was the one depressed and the one that needed comfort. Marco gave it to me and told those same words. Today, though, it was the opposite. Marco wore out while I, in some way, roused up.

Marco sobbed and cleaned his watery eyes, -"I… I'll try."

-"That's my baby,"- I smiled -the first time I did since I got here and like always it was because of Marco, -"I'll come back to you in a few months. I love you."- The clock rang, cueing the end of the visit. The guard gripped my arm, as always, and hoisted me up.

-"I… I love you too, Jean. I'll be waiting for you."- Marco sighed ruefully at my fading figure and as I looked over my shoulder, I saw him drop his head on the table to cry silently, finally bursting out, unable to hold them for any longer. He knew how much I disliked seeing him crying so that's why he held them off. He didn't want to make my sentence here any worse.

Don't cry, please, I looked forward and closed my eyes. I breathed deeply, trying to prevent an immense sorrow overwhelm me. I have to hold on for him, I have to endure and adapt to this place until the end of the fifth month… for him. Marco's suffering. He needs me and I… I need him too.

~ o ~

After Marco's visit, I return to my cell and later that day, I ate lunch and took a most needed bath. Around afternoon, we all headed to the backyard and were allowed to walk around and socialize -under supervision, of course. The sun wasn't set yet so I laid on the grass with arms and legs wide apart, trying to get as much of its rays as possible to make this paleness go away -suggested by Gabe himself.

- "You're not coming?"- I asked him, looking up to his position.

He was under a tree a tree a bit far from where I laid, enjoying its shadow, -"Nah, I'm good. By the way, you should unzip your suit a bit, you know, so the sun can tan you better."

I quirked an eyebrow, dubious, -"Yeah, so you could ogle me while I'm at it."

He laughed, -"The eyes gotta eat too, you know."

-"You mean yours."

He laughed again, crawling beside me and sitting up, resting his arms on his knees, -"So, how did it go with your boyfriend? He's really cute."

I sighed and unzipped my jumpsuit a bit, -"Like it always goes."

-"He looked sad. He must be missing you a lot."- Gabe commented, plucking the grass from the ground.

-"You have no idea."

-"You're right, I don't. I don't have anyone out there waiting for me. My parents are dead and I have no friends,"- He laughed bitterly, -"Actually, my customers must be missing me."

I wanted to laugh but the way he just blurted that out without even stuttering was a bit disturbing, -"Damn, I'm sorry about that. I didn't meant to-"

-"Hey, it's cool. I know you didn't."- He smiled but when he slowly gazed at the distance before us, it faded and a silent curse escaped his mouth.

I looked forward and cursed too when I saw Finn approaching us, -"Well, if it isn't the biggest losers in the world."- He laughed and his buddies with him laughed too.

I rolled my eyes. Seriously, he must have some kind of mental retardation, -"Here to get your daily bullying fix, kiddo?"- I spoke, already pissed at him. Who's a kid again?

-"Kiddo?"- Finn growled and pointed at me menacingly, -"Listen here, faggot, you better shut your damn mouth or I'll-"

-"You'll what, pick on me like a school kid?"- I spat, trying to ignore him calling me a faggot, -"Come on, grow up already."

Finn was getting pissed too, his face turning red with anger, -"Shut up, fag!"- He extended his hand to me, ready to strangle me like last time.

I swatted it away, realizing that I was also acting like a kid, provoking him, -"Okay, let's be real, aren't you getting tired of this constant tiff? I mean, it's stupid. We're all here in the same prison because we're all a bunch of assholes who did something nasty outside, you feel me? We should all just ignore this and get along."- I wasn't planning on getting along with him, honest. Fuck that.

Finn thought about it but then shook his head, his grin widening, -"Nah, I don't wanna get along with you, faggot. Fuck you."

-"Fine, fuck you too,"- I replied, leaning back down on the grass and resting my head on my crossed arms beneath my rear head, -"What will it be this time, huh? Or did you run out of ideas?"

-"Was that your boyfriend visiting you this morning? He's cute."- He began, keeping that smug look in his face. Somehow, he knew this kind of topic triggers me the most. I just breathed deeply, ignoring that he called Marco cute.

-"Yeah, you jealous you don't have one?"- I spat. Jean, careful with your tongue. You're provoking him.

-"Nah, I'll just take yours."

I felt the sparks of angers burning within, -"You gotta get through me first and that's not happening."

Finn snickered, pacing around me, -"Yeah, I think it would,"- He often probed my leg with his feet as he paced around, -"And I can't wait to see him and those freckles and lick them all out,"- He teased and unless I do something, there will be no end, -"If I get my hands on him, I'll touch him all over and fuck him as hard as I can,"- My blood boiled, especially since my mind pictured his every word. My eyebrows furrowed and my teeth gritted. I could feel my body burning in anger, -"… I'll make him mine and I'll tie him to bed and whiplash him hard and-"

That's it. I've heard and had enough.

I snapped and kicked Finn legs, making him fall flat to the ground. I quickly straddled him and started punching his face. Without much effort, he shoved me aside and gestured his buddies to hold me. I managed to knock out the first ones that tried to get a grip on me, like five of them, until all of them started seizing me at the same time -it was like ten of them; I was held back by my neck, my legs, my arms, my hair and waist, -"Hold him!"- Finn shouted and started punching me everywhere, specially my abdomen.

I groaned in pain, trying to get loose from these asshole. One by one, I knocked them all out, elbowing and back-handing them. In the end, it was just me, throbbing and sweating all over, and the asshole who started everything, -"You sick, fucking bastard…!"- I snarled, glaring at him with intensity.

-"Come on, Jean, you angry? Come and get me."- And that I did. We brawled for what seemed like an eternity and I hated to admit this, but he kicked my ass. I was weak and whatever attack I threw at him, he'd dodge it and retaliate. Finn was stronger than me, bulkier and taller. He clearly had an advantage. I know I've defeated guys like him before but right now, I wasn't in my best state; I've been tortured, left in an isolated cell to suffer from hunger and thirst. I've lost weight and the muscle I once had.

I'm weak… I thought, as Finn thrashed me.

Pathetic…

Pitiful…

-"You're pathetic, Jean,"- Finn mocked, spitting on me as I laid sprawled on a trashcan, defeated and beaten, -"And weak."

I groaned and gaped my mouth to say something, anything, because I hated this. I hate feeling like this and I hate him for stomping on me and others like fucking bugs. Nothing came out of my mouth though. Everything hurts.

-"You know, I think your boyfriend deserves someone better than you. Maybe I'll go for a candidate next time he comes visiting."- He teased, turning around after kicking dirt to my face.

I puffed it off, getting some in my mouth and spitting it, and slugged forward, tumbling to the ground. I rose up with both arms and trudged my way forward, keeping my glare on Finn. I wanted to smack his face in the dirt, I wanted him to feel like trash too, -"Jean, wait…"- Gabe warned and I knew why: Maxson was watching me.

But I didn't care -at least… not now. I kept walking towards Finn one-legged and when I was about to get a grip on him, he turned around abruptly and swung his fist right to my face. I cried out and fell on the mess of rubbish again. He laughed. His pals did. They all did, even the guards who enjoyed watching petty fights like these. Gabe and a few prisoners kept quiet, watching me with pity as I cried on the rubbish.

Gabe was the one who helped me up and then a distrustful guard took me back to my cell. When we passed the showers, he spoke, -"You're better get used to the stench, kid. You're not gonna bathe in a while."

I didn't say anything.

As I laid awake in my bed throughout the night, thoughtful, I decided to get stronger, to train and exercise like I used to. If I wanted to make it out of here alive -or at least not broken, I needed to get stronger, better. I needed to change. I'm tired of everything; of this place and everyone in it, Maxson, Finn and his buddies most of all. I'm tired of succumbing, of being thrown in the trash, I'm tired of doing nothing when I'm being assaulted, of not fighting back, I'm tired of this… weak Jean. I have to earn my place here, I have to defend myself and if that means getting tortured, so be it. I'm not giving Maxson or any guard or prisoner here have that satisfaction. I'm not gonna be laughed at again. I'm not gonna be stomped on again.

Starting that night, I began training with the little objects I had in my cell; I did push-ups, sit-ups, squats, etc. I used my bed, the table, the toilet, the pillow, the cell's door and whatever I could get my hands on. I used the wall too, as a punch bag, which was extremely painful at first, even with cloth around my wrists. I devised a routine and trained every day, during certain hours, and ate and slept as much as I could. I wasn't alone in this, Gabe helped me, cheered on me -after saying I was crazy.

I was being shaped by this place, changed. After entire weeks and great effort, my body was returning to the way it was when I got here, toned and healthy. I felt capable of fighting back. I didn't felt weak anymore, -"Oh boy, you're a sight for sore eyes."

I was around my fifty push-up when Gabe spoke, peeking through the hole and resting his body on floor, chest flat down, hands holding his face and making his cheeks lump out. He was staring at me, not even bothering to conceal his obvious lecherous eyes. I was shirtless and really sweating.

-"You know, you need someone to clean you up when you're finished. I volunteer as tribute."- He spoke flirtatiously, jiggling his eyebrows up and down.

I just rolled my eyes and kept doing push-ups, 60, 61, 62…

-"Your boyfriend must really enjoy having you around doing exercises,"- And he kept on but he was right on that one, -"Wish I could take his place."- This isn't the first time he has thrown pick-up lines at me. I just laughed it off. I knew he had a huge crush on me but I already made it clear I didn't felt the same.

-"… 69, 70!"- I exclaimed and stood up, stretching my body. Tomorrow's 80 and the next day 90 and then 100. I've been at this for these weeks.

-"You did it again, huh,"- Gabe smiled at me with admiration, -"You're amazing, you know."

I placed a hand on my shoulder and started circling the arm, massaging it, -"Thanks but I'm just…,"- I sighed and dropped my arms, -"… another prisoner here trying not to get pissed on."

Gabe grunted, -"God, are you serious? Another prisoner? You gotta give yourself some credit,"- He crawled from the hole and walked right towards me, -"You're by far the best prisoner here. I mean, you've been tortured, thrown to a trash can, smacked with fucking hard batons, thrown with foodand yet you kept standing up and getting better than them and you never drowned in drugs. That's… that's fucking amazing."- His eyes started to water.

-"Hey, don't cry on me,"- I smiled and scratched my neck, -"I… thank you. I wasn't alone, you know. I had a friend who's been supporting me all this time. I don't… I don't think I would've done this without him."

His expression changed to confusion, -"Who is it? Are you cheating on me, Jean?"

I laughed, -"No, I'm taking about you."

-"I know, I know. Who else will it be?"- We laughed for a few seconds until he abruptly took my head and pulled it towards his, stealing from me a kiss. I was stunned, at first, not expecting he'd pull something like this, so he took advantage of that and dipped his tongue in my mouth, touring it thoroughly. He licked my lips and bit them before I snapped off from the shock and pushed him away. I admit, my cheeks warmed up and I quickly looked away.

Gabe just snickered and crawled through the hole to his cell. I looked over my shoulder to where he was and smiled. Thanks, Gabe… for everything.

Notes: I apologize if I offended anyone about the ID (intellectual disability or metal retardation). I do not mean to offend any one of you or any one of your family who are diagnosed with ID. Jean was just joking there. Please, if you have to something to say about it, leave me a PM and we'll talk it out peacefully ;)

By the way, the name "Maxson" came from Elder Maxson in Fallout 4 XD I've been playing it too much, I know!