Thank you for all the reviews , sorry I was a little bitch about it. I love you people anyway.Also props to Luvaddek , who asked me in the reviews if I'm in the medical field - you're right, you genius, I'll be a doctor in three years.Also Wikipedia is my friend, so the medical stuff is like 80% me and 20% Internet. Sorry if there are any errors.
This chapter is kinda filler, before something big happens. Enjoy.
ADDISON'S POV
She rocks gently in the chair. It's for new mothers to sit in while they stare at the tiny miracles they've made, but she doesn't seem to be allowed that privilege, so she sits here sometimes and stares at other people's happiness.
Ruby Eleanor Karev , born two pounds six ounces.
A fighter like her parents, she's the most beautiful thing she's seen in a long time, so she sits there, watches her tiny chest rise and fall.
It's quiet and dark in the NICU , visiting hours are over and there's nothing except the whir of machinery and the familiar soothing sound of monitors showing healthy stats.
Karev has been there already, wordlessly pulling her into a bone crushing hug, then sitting by his daughters incubator, laughing in amazement when she grabbed his finger reflexively.
Derek comes into the NICU then, looking comical in the pink protective gown .
" Hey. "
" Hey yourself. How's Izzie? "
" A champion . The tumor was - "
" - worse than you told me. "
" I didn't want to freak you out."
" I'm not stupid. "
"Rather the opposite. What you did in there was amazing... you'll be Chief now for sure." he teases lightly.
" Don't start in on me about how I used this case to show off - "
" I know you don't need to do that." he shuts her up with a kiss. " Richard knows you're more than up to it. He just hasn't chosen yet - don't let GI Jane get to you."
" Never ." she sniffs.
She watches him slip a finger through the window in the incubator, his smile when Ruby curls her tiny fingers around his .
" She has a good grip."
" Mmm." She remembers the last time she said that to him; their marriage had been hanging in the balance at that time, the slightest wrong move and it would have gone either way.
Which way are we going now?
She watches as he rubs the baby's hand, tells her how beautiful she is, how strong, a fighter like her mother .
He looks ... like a father, she realises. She wishes she could give him that, make him happy.
" Can I stay here tonight, Derek? I'm sorry, but I want to make sure she gets everything she needs."
" Course. I'll stay too ."
" Go home, arrogant neurosurgeon. Get some sleep, I'll be fine. I've learned to sleep in rocking chairs."
" I should learn too." he says softly , looking at her.
" Derek..."
"I know, I know. It's early days. But we will, Addie, we'll have kids. And you'll be the most kickass mom ever. "
" I love you , you know that right? "
" I love you too. " he kisses her gently, takes one last look at the baby, and leaves with a promise to bring her a change of clothes.
She wakes suddenly at seven the next morning with a stiff neck, having spent a crisis -free albeit cramped night in the NICU.
I'm getting older.
" Morning, Dr. Montgomery - Shepherd. " chirps Camille, her head nurse.
" Long night? "
" Unbelievably. " she croaks, aware that she's in last night's scrubs that smell of the OR, that sharp astringent blend of disinfectant and blood, sweat and adrenaline.
" Who's that you've got there , I only have twelve on the list... oh my god, is that Dr. Stevens ' little girl? "
The other morning nurses gather round too, oohing and aahing.
" Mm hmm. Two pounds six ounces of warrior. I spent last night here for no reason, she's doing great, but watch her closely anyway, and page me if her heart rate gets below 110 or her systolic is less than 65. "
" She's real pretty isn't she. Like her mom. " the nurse coos. They're all overly attached to this baby already - Izzie was a regular fixture in her NICU and the nurses, predictably, love her.
" She is , isnt she . I'll send up a resident and maybe an intern - Stevens and Karev are both out so I might not get one today. "
" Yup." Camille wrinkles her nose - no interns means no one to do scut.
" You can go , Dr. Montgomery, we got this. Besides - she grins slyly - you need a shower. "
" Wh- hey! " she swipes at the nurse with her scrub cap , which was still stuffed in her pocket.
But she does need a shower, so she drags herself down to the attendings lounge , and her pager goes off when she's at the door.
" Noooo..." she moans , but her mood lifts immediately when she sees it's Derek.
" Oh, hi. I paged you, but here you are anyway. I got you clothes and coffee. "
" Lifesaver ." she mumbles, kissing him on the cheek , then wanting to take it back when she sees the disastrously mismatched outfit he's brought.
" Also Richard called a meeting at eight. "
" What ? Derek, it's seven thirty and I can't wear this to a meeting ! "
"Get moving , then ." he grins, sliding out the door.
She takes a shower, makes O'Malley go down to her car and bring up the dry cleaning she remembers leaving in there - thank god - yanks her hair into submission and is in the conference room five minutes before eight.
" Damn it she's here. " Derek stage whispers.
" You should be ashamed of yourself, playing dirty. "
" No one said we can't. " he defends .
" I don't need to ." she smirks , getting a snort from Mark who's just walked in.
" Neither of you need to. I'm going to be Chief. "
" Mark Sloan, Chief of Surgery. Makes me a vomit a little in my mouth. " she says.
Mark gives her a disparaging look just as Teddy comes into the room, followed by Richard.
" She's a candidate too? " Mark splutters.
" You? " Teddy hisses.
" Number four? Derek scribbles in her notepad.
" Definitely. " she scrawls back.
They exchange a look and a hundred dollar bill under the table - Addison had bet a hundred on the peds PA and Derek put a hundred on a random hookup.
" What are you two doing ? " Mark eyes them suspiciously.
" Nothing. " she tells him sweetly , then eyes Teddy. She looks nice, not that she didn't last nught in scrubs . Smart, obviously. Pushy and domineering.
The peds PA was better .
" Okay esteemed attendings, if you're quite done bickering, I'll call this meeting to order.
I've decided that since we have two new members joining us this month, it's only fair that we allow them a chance to be Chief as well. So starting today, you will be evaluated on surgeries, outcomes, publications, management skills and everything else, people, so buck up. No shenanigans - glares at Mark - or arguments on the OR floor - thus ones for her - or punching people - directed at Derek - and you will be voting for Chief Resident this evening, so watch them closely today. "
" Richard, did you just say two new members? " she ventures.
" Yes. Everybody, this is Dr. Owen Hunt, he's here with us from Afghanistan as our new Head of Trauma. Be nice, people."
DEREK'S POV
He's stalking down the hallway fuming about the stunt Richard just pulled when he hears Bailey yelling at him, so he turns around.
" Do you or do you not want an intern ?"
" Oh , good morning to you too, Miranda. You do know we're voting for Chief Resident today , right? "
" Tch. ...I don care ! Are you taking one or not ? "
Never change, Bailey.
" Yeah , I need someone on my craniopharyngioma surgery today... I'm doing an endonasal approach so Mark will be scrubbing in too - who wants in ?" he's expecting a riot to break out over this one ( also it should win him points with Richard; it's an incredible procedure. ) , but Bailey says
" Stevens and Karev are out, Yang is following that new Dr. Altman around and O ' Malley ran away with your wife when he found out she was doing an open fetal surgery on a sacrococcygeal teratoma the size of a baseball, and I'd like to be there myself but I'm babysitting my interns, so you have one choice - Grey , take it or leave it.
Although I'd be very much obliged if you would take it, because Addison's surgery starts in ten minutes and I don't want to miss it. "
Addie 1, everyone else 0.
" I'll. ...take it." He's honestly a little scared of the little resident.
" Sorry , about Bailey. She's just really excited about Dr. Montgomery - Shepherd's surgery . It's really cool , and..."
" It's ok, Meredith, I'm used to being yelled at by Bailey. "
" You all right ? You look kinda annoyed. "
" Addison didn't tell me that she was doing this surgery , today - she's beating my ass in this race for Chief. "
" I'll take you didn't tell her about your craniopharyngioma ." she smirks.
" No. " he admits.
" That's fair , then ."
They meet their patient, he instructs Meredith on the pre - op lablabs and preparation he wants, and then goes off in search of Mark.
" So, between 10 last night and eight this morning , when did you find the time to sleep with Dr. Altman ?"
" There's always time, my man. Always."
" I just hope you don't feel bad when she kicks you out of the race for Chief . " Derek replies.
" Oh, I think Ads is kicking us all out . Look at that damn board, she's all over it like a rash. "
And she is - she's got surgeries lined up back to back all day, all of them insanely difficult procedures that will have Richard drooling over her resume.
" Damn. All we have today is one shared surgery. "
" We gotta step it up man. What do you say we - "
"Oh no, Sloan. I'm stepping it up by myself. Every man for himself."
" I'm your friend! "
" She's my wife, we're not cutting each other any slack. "
See you in the OR then."
" Yup ."
MEREDITH ' S POV
She gets to spend all day with her gorgeous married ex - boyfriend. In the same OR with the man his wife cheated on him with , causing him to use her as the rebound girl.
Nothing awkward here.
For them, anyway. They seem to be friends again, doing that punching slapping guy friendship thing, cracking jokes at each others expense .
She's the one who's still awkward, still stuck in the past ,where Derek told her she was like a breath of fresh air and kissed her in stairwells and looked at her across the OR in the middle of surgery.
She's the one who can't move on.
She's trying so hard though. Finn , and moving in with him, and unspoken promises of someday with him, but still it's not enough to forget Derek freaking Shepherd.
She can't stand next to him in the OR without her skin burning and she can't look at his stupid ferryboat scrub cap without remembering I have a thing for ferryboats and she can't , she can't.
But she does, because the carousel never stops turning, and she can't get off, and because she's not a quitter.
She's not.
She can barely concentrate on what's going on in front of her, because every time Derek moves she feels his arm brush ever so slightly against hers.
Not on purpose. It's crowded at the microscope because this is a surgery half the residents are dying to see.
And here she is with a front row seat and wasting it .Cristina would stab her in the eye if she knew what she was doing.
"Dr . Grey. You bored, honey ? " Mark drawls.
" Wh- I ...no. Of course not .I'm sorry."
" Pay attention. " he says, his eyes boring into hers.
She remembers the way he looked at Addison at the wedding, wonders how it's okay for him to still want her if she's not allowed to want Derek.
MARK'S POV
He shuts off the tap in the scrub sink, dries his hands. He sees the blonde intern leaving the OR and catches up to her out in the empty corridor.
" Dr. Grey. You got a minute ?"
" No, Dr. Sloan. Not today, you don't get to hit on me today. "
" I'm not going to hit on you. I need to tell you something. Get in here. " He pulls her reluctantly into a supply room.
"What ?"
Feisty. Like Addison. Derek has a type, doesn't he?
" Im telling you this because I don't want you to end up like me. You're young, you'll heal, so one member of the dirty mistresses club to another - stop it." he says firmly.
" Stop what? "
" Stop looking at Derek like a little abandoned puppy. Stop wanting him, pining after him, loving him, fantasising - whatever you're doing, stop. "
" I can't. " she whispers, looking up at him with blue eyes like a broken mirror, sharp glass and shattered reflection.
He softens a little.
You've got it bad, kid.
" Stop, because I can tell you right now that it's no use, all you're gonna get is a broken heart and an inability to love anyone else.
I get that he's dreamy , I get that you think he's your one , but here's a little reality check for you - he's nobody's one except Addison's.
He doesn't want you. He has Addison now, she's all he's ever wanted.
The thing is , they're both too stupid to know what they want , they don't see what they've got and they make mistakes while they figure it out.
They collect dirty mistresses.
I know , because I've spent every minute of every day of fifteen years wanting and loving and fantasising about Addison, but I can tell you it's no use. They're Derek and Addison.
They don't see anyone except each other no matter what, they could tear each other to pieces with their bare hands and crawl back into each others arms at the end of the day.
They're Derek and Addison, kid , they're that sick Christmas loving, food sharing snuggly, bickering couple that makes you want to puke. They're a huge fucking cliché, because they really are best friends.
I'm their collateral damage, the product of fifteen years of trying to pick up their pieces but in the end they go back to each other and I'm on the outside looking in, but they're my best friends and my only family and all I have, so I'm stuck here like it or not.
You on the other hand, still have a chance.
So run , kid, run while you can and don't look back, because he'll never be yours just like she'll never be mine."
" Dirty mistresses club , huh ? "
" That's what we are. "
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