It's cute that you all are so worried about Addie.Don't worry , I'm not Shonda so she's safe.Thanks to all the lovely reviewers.
DEREK'S POV
Amy ? "
He's getting old. That has to be it, he's getting old and he can't handle 20 hour days anymore, he's so tired he's seeing things.
That has to be it , because the sister he hasn't seen in seven years is standing on his doorstep.
" Addie. " whispers his hallucination , and then she pitches forward into his wife's arms.
Addie holds her like she's afraid someone will tear her away, like she'll never see her again.
She's crying, for gods sake , kissing Amelia's hair and rocking back and forth.
He gets up in a daze, takes two steps towards them , remembering the little Amy who used to sneak in his bed at night to demand stories and tag along behind him and Mark and annoy her older sisters to tears and who worshipped Addison from the day she met her.
He remembers the angry sweet screwed up teenager who got high on Vicodin and then Percocet and then finally the Oxy, the sly lying addict who stole his prescription pad and their credit cards and crashed his car and nearly died, the ungrateful wretch who nearly destroyed his mother and his marriage .
He turns around and slams the bedroom door behind him, because that's what he does when the past catches up to him.
" Derek wait up ! "
He groans. " No way, Amy. Go home. "
" I don't wanna go home! Kathy and Lizzie are always with their boyfriends and Nancy hates me . "
" She hates everyone. Go home. "
" Aw, let her come. " Mark says, he's always been her indulgent older brother while Derek plays bad cop.
" You know what she's like, you have to watch her every second or she just disappears ."
" I'll watch her. " Mark says, taking her little hand .
" You need to talk to Amy. " Addison is saying.
" She's seventeen, Addie. It's probably some stupid phase. "
" I don't think so. "
" You're telling me my little sister is a drug addict ? You're one to talk, you and Archer drink like fish, I don't say you're alcoholics , do I ? "
" Dr. Shepherd, your prescription pad was found in your sisters pocket and the drugs were charged to your wife's card, she was driving your car. You need to answer some questions. "
" Derek please. She needs you. "
" She doesn't need me to drop her off at rehab. It's not her first day of kindergarten." he watches as Mark and Addison drive off without him.
It's better not to remember.
ADDISON'S POV
She cradles Amy against her chest, hardly daring to breathe. She's always been Archer's baby sister, the one to be taken care of, the one who tagged along.
She always wanted a little sister of her own and Amy was her dream come true, a readymade sibling who adored her and for some reason thought she walked on water.
" Addie I missed you, I'm sorry to turn up here like this but I missed you so much and you're the only one I could. ... the only one I could come to, Addie please , please don't make me leave. "
" Shh. No one's making you leave sweetie, you can stay as long as you want. God, I've missed you. " she crushes Amelia's tiny frame against hers.
She's always been a tiny thing, even more out of place among the tall Shepherds, marked as one of them only by her dark hair and those eyes, so like Derek's eyes.
" He won't even look at me. " she sobs.
Always so emotional .
" He'll come around. You know how he is. ..."
" Like me. " Amy whispers, clutching a handful of Addison's sweater in her hand.
" He's like me. He's an ass. "
She deposits Amy on the couch and gets her a glass of wine, remembering too well a drunk fifteen year old Amy begging her to let her stay the night at her apartment and not tell Derek or her mother because they'd kill her , the progression to drugs , the overdose, thinks better of it and gets her a mug of tea instead.
" I need you to help me, Addie. You can't say no . "
" Whatever you need , baby."
She slips into the bedroom, having settled Amy down in the other one, to find Derek sitting on the bed staring at the wall.
" How is she? " he demands.
" See for yourself. "
" I can't. I can't talk to her right now, I need to get my head straight first. "
" She's scared and confused, Derek, but she's trying. She's trying so hard to turn her life around and she's done it, you'd be so proud of her - "
" Proud , Addison ? This is the girl who stole from you for years to fund her drug addiction and you just hug her and you're proud of her? "
"She's come a long way since then."
" Don't you remember what happened the last time we saw her? "
" The last time you saw her. "
" You've been in touch with her all these years? "
" Someone had to be. "
" Are you insane? She has no self control, she is selfish, she is immature, she is an addict, we've just got our lives back on track and you want to let her in ? The last time - "
" The last time we were all in the same room at the same time you backhanded me across the face, believe me , I remember. But she needs us now. " she pretends not to see the way he flinches guiltily when she says this.
" You're blind when it comes to her. "
" I love her, she's like my little sister, Derek, even she's a recovering addict. Admit it - you've missed her too. "
He takes a deep breath, takes her hand in his for reassurance.
" I missed her . I love her so much it scares me, because she's. ... She's Amy. I'll love her and trust her and she'll turn around and destroy everything like she always does , and I can't have her breaking what's between us , not this time. We've fought too hard for this to give it up. "
" She's not little lost Amy anymore. "
" What do you mean? "
" She's a freaking neurosurgeon, Derek. You Shepherds grow them in the backyard apparently - "
But he's gone already, vaulting off the bed , and she hears the other bedrobedroom door being wrenched open and then slam.
She smirks to herself.
I'm always right, Derek Shepherd.
DEREK'S POV
She's sitting on the bed, knees tucked to her chest, in Addie's robe, as tiny as she was when he last saw her.
" Hello, brother. "
" Amy. " his voice cracks.
" Get in and shut the door. It's freezing in this place. What's wrong with Addie, why hasn't she cranked up the heating already, she always liked to be boiling hot , didn't she - "
" I'm sorry. "
" You are, you know that ? Sorry. You're a sorry, sorry excuse for a human being. I know what happened with Addie and the intern. "
" How - "
" I met Archer at a conference last month. "
" You believe everything Archer told you ?"
" I had to because you wouldn't speak to me."
He's silent, because what can he say to that, and then she launches herself off the bed at him and flings skinny arms around his neck, hugs the breath out of him and before he knows it he hugs her back, kisses the top of her dark head and wishes he could take back the last seven years.
She lets go quickly - she never was as touchy feely as the older girls - and retreats back onto the bed.
" Why are you here ? "
" I needed Addie. And you. I wasn't going to come back until I had made something of my life, but I suppose this will have to do for now... I worked with Ginsberg you know ."
" No way. " he teases, but he knows it's true, she's always been a bright inquisitive little pest .
" Why do you need Addison all of a sudden? " he asks, dreading the answer.
" Work it out, Uncle Derek. " Amy laughs bitterly.
" Im keeping it .I haven't told her yet but you shut up, I want to do it, see her all excited about being Auntie Addie again... "
Before he lets the horror of the fact that his baby junkie sister is having a baby sink in, Addison slips into the room holding up a tray of hot chocolate.
"Juju ." she says happily. " Good juju, because Amy's back."
Silently he wills Amy to shut the hell up , curses God because Addison who has wanted a child for a decade can't have one and here is his sister who has so little regard for her body, pregnant and with nowhere and no one to go to.
Addison slides under the covers on Amy's other side, passes the cups of hot chocolate.
It's one of the few things she knows how to make, an old au pairs recipe , he remembers absently.
" This is nice. " Amy says, snuggling close to Addison, who slings an arm around her shoulder and smiles .
" My favourite brother and my bestest sister."
" Do not let Nance and Liz and Kathy hear that ." Addie laughs.
" They've only just forgiven me for what happened in New York... but Archer told you everything anyway, so let's skip that.
You talk. I wanna know everything. "
And then it comes , the moment of truth.
" Actually... I'm pregnant. I know, I know, it's stupid, I'm not in a relationship or anything, but I'm keeping it..."
And he barely hears the rest of Amy's chatter because he can see the exact moment Addison's barely healed heart breaks again, the exact moment when she retreats into herself and stops hearing.
The appointment from three months ago that he dragged her to after he found out the drugs were harming her, the fertility specialists mouth moving and no sound coming out, no sound that they could hear anyway.
" I'm so sorry Dr. Montgomery, but there's very little potential here, even with the drugs. ..."
Words like " other options " and " not the only way " floating around, Addison silent and broken for a week before she put on her Forbes Montgomery face and stuffed it in.
Like the last time.
He woke up to her crying in her sleep just the other night, whispering something like that was my last chance I shouldn't have listened.
He'd held her until she stopped and then hid in the shower for ten minutes until his eyes stopped burning.
Addie leaves with a promise to check her and the baby out tomorrow at the hospital , he follows her, bracing for the worst.
" Addie - "
" I'm okay Derek. " she whispers, barely meeting his eyes.
" She doesn't know about any of it. The miscarriage, the ... other thing . She only knows about Mark and Meredith. "
" I know. I hate myself for feeling this way, for feeling jealous . I'm jealous , Derek, of the person I loved like my little sister, doesn't that tell you I'm not fit to be having kids anyway ? ".
And she disappears under the fluffy duvet, and he can hear her say it was my last chance, but clearly he wasn't supposed to, so he just gets in bed and lets her curl into his side, strokes the bright red hair and asks a God he doesn't believe in why she has to go through this.
He's woken an hour later by her body wracked by coughs, gasping for breath.
He sits up quickly and flicks on the light, reaches for a glass of water to hand her, but he realises that's not going to help, because she's not coughing, this is different , paroxysmal gasps tear through her as she clutches her chest and she's deathly pale with those spots of color he'd noticed this morning.
" Addie, what is it? " he pulls her up to sit at the edge of the bed , dangles her legs over the edge and puts her head between her knees.
It helps , she breathes easier almost immediately and some color floods back to her face.
" Stressed. " she mumbles into her hair, which is hanging in her face.
He helps her sit back up, doesn't notice the pill she dry swallows.
She's a world class surgeon, she'd know if something were wrong. Right ?
It's probably just the stress of this day, Amy and the hospital and everything else just piling up into one big panic attack.
She's had them before, back in New York, in those early days after the miscarriage.
He used to hold her through them, until she started pushing him away and he let her.
He realises with shame that he has no idea if they ever stopped.
" You need to calm down. It's all going to be okay. " he says, but he's not sure if he's convincing her or himself.
I'm an Addek sap so babies are inevitable, but this came out of my head because I couldn't believe ... but if I told you that, I'd ruin the story, so I won't.
Also to any medical types out here - I've listed a lot of symptoms by now... I know it's not the most classic presentation but it'll be obvious in a while.
Whoever has guesses, pm me !
Please keep reading and reviewing !