The ponies and Spike stood in the middle of the village for a few more minutes, waiting for the "tour" to continue. After some time, Pinkie poked a rock with her hoof. When she saw that she was able to touch it, she picked it up and tossed it at the front door of a nearby house.

Almost as soon as she had done so, the door opened. A small human-like creature stepped out, holding a broom in one hand. He was only about as tall as the ponies themselves, his ears were pointed, and he was barefoot, the tops of his feet covered in thick hair. "How many times do I have to tell you kids to stay off my lawn?!" he shouted, waving the broom in a threatening manner. However, as soon as his eyes fell upon the ponies, he lost all bravado. He dropped the broom and his eyes went wide.

Pinkie waved hello. "Hi, there! Can you see us?"

The man yelped and ran back inside, slamming the door.

"I think he can see us!" Pinkie told the others.

"Does that mean whatever that tour was is over?" Starlight asked.

"I think so," Twilight answered. "What is this place?"

"Well, wherever we are," Applejack said, "we need to find a way out. And we're not going to find it by staying here."

"Um, has everypony forgotten about the dragon?" Fluttershy asked. "I don't want to explore this place if it's still around."

"I don't think it's anywhere in this village," Pinkie said. "It looks nice here!"

"Maybe right now, but Fluttershy's right," Twilight said. "We know it's somewhere out there, and we're in an unfamiliar place. We don't know if it could pop up again. Hay, we don't know what else might be out there." Twilight looked around cautiously. "That being said, I agree with Applejack. We're not going to find a way out of the book by standing around doing nothing. Let's look around, but be careful."

The group started walking down the dirt streets, before they caught sight of what looked like a human nearby. The Equestrians hid by the side of the road as they observed the man. He was wearing long, flowing gray robes and a tall, peaked gray hat. He had a long flowing beard and carried an old, gnarled wooden walking stick.

Strangest of all, however, Twilight could sense a great deal of power coming from the old man. She also felt a gnawing feeling that they should follow him.

Twilight started out, before Rainbow pulled her back. "What the hay are you doing?!" Rainbow hissed. "Do you want him to see you?!"

"It's alright, Rainbow," Twilight said. "I can't explain it, but I think… he's a friend. We need to follow him."

"I feel the same way," Starlight said.

Rainbow sighed. "Alright, but be careful."

The group emerged from hiding and followed the old man, who seemed unaware of their presence. Even so, he seemed to stick to back roads, almost as if he was leading the ponies down paths where people wouldn't see them.

The man made his way to the top of a hill, coming up to a house built into the hilltop. Sitting out on the front porch was another small, human-like figure, like the one Pinkie had seen. This one looked younger, however, with short brown hair, a white shirt, brown pants, and a light brown vest. He was smoking a long-stemmed pipe and blowing smoke-rings. As one made contact with the old man, it suddenly transformed into a butterfly made of smoke, flying back at the small man and smacking into his face. The man coughed before looking up at his visitor.

Again, the ponies hid by the side of the road, watching to see what would happen.

The man looked up at the old traveler, who stared back down at him. They stayed there in silence for a few awkward moments before the small man decided to break the silence. "Good morning," he greeted.

"What do you mean?" the old man asked. "Do you mean to wish me a good morning, or do you mean that it is a good morning whether I want it or not?" The small man gave the visitor a confused look, one shared by the Equestrians. "Or perhaps you mean to say that you feel good on this particular morning? Or are you simply stating that this is a morning to be good on?"

"Ooookaaay…" Rainbow said. "What a weirdo!"

"All of them… at once… I suppose," the little man said, apparently sharing Rainbow's sentiments. "Can I help you?"

"That remains to be seen," the old man said, looking the little man up and down. "I'm looking for someone to share in an adventure."

"An adventure?" the little man asked, raising an eyebrow. He shook his head dismissively. "No, I don't imagine anyone west of Bree would have much interest in adventures." He stood up and walked over to his mailbox. "Nasty, disturbing, uncomfortable things. Make you late for dinner!" he chuckled.

"I know what he's talking about," Fluttershy whispered.

The little man took some letters from the mailbox and looked them over. He was hoping the strange old man would take the hint and move on, but he remained put. Finally, the little man looked up at him, deciding to give him a little more motivation to leave. "Well, good morning," he said again.

"What an awful lot of things you use 'good morning' for!" the old man said, still not moving. "Now you mean that you want to get rid of me, and that it won't be good till I move off. To think that I should have lived to be 'good morninged' by Belladonna Took's son as if I was selling buttons at the door!"

That got the little man's attention, causing him to stop halfway up the stairs to his door. "Beg your pardon?" he asked.

"You've changed," the old man said, "and not entirely for the better, Bilbo Baggins."

Twilight's ears perked up when she heard that name. "Bilbo Baggins?" she gasped. "That's Bilbo Baggins?"

"I'm sorry, do I know you?" Bilbo asked.

"Well, you know my name, although you don't remember I belong to it. I'm Gandalf, and Gandalf means… me."

Bilbo finally seemed to recognize the stranger, smiling. "Gandalf? Not Gandalf, the wandering wizard who made such excellent fireworks? Old Took used to have them on Midsummer's Eve!" he chuckled. "No idea you were still in business!"

Gandalf frowned. "And where else should I be?" he asked sternly.

This caught Bilbo off guard. "Where else-" he began, before his words caught in his throat. He coughed awkwardly.

"Well, I'm pleased to find you remember something about me, even if it's only my fireworks." Gandalf nodded. "Yes, well, that's decided. It'll be very good for you, and most amusing for me. I shall inform the others." With that, he finally started to walk off.

Bilbo looked puzzled before he seemed to realize what the wizard meant. "Inform the who? What? No! No! N… wait." He ran up to his door. "We do not want any adventures here, thank you! Not today! Not - I suggest you try over the hill or across the water." He motioned with his pipe for Gandalf to leave before saying "Good morning," one more time, going into his house and slamming the door.

Rather than leaving, however, Gandalf followed Bilbo up to the door and began drawing something on the door with his staff. He looked in one of the windows before turning and walking away, humming to himself. Just before he was out of sight, however, he stopped in the middle of the road. Turning, he looked in the direction of the ponies. Twilight gasped, feeling like he was meeting her gaze, even though she was sure she was hidden from sight. She saw the old man smile before he continued on his way.

Slowly, the Equestrians emerged from cover. "That was creepy," Spike whispered.

"Did you hear what that 'Gandalf' guy said?" Starlight asked Twilight.

Twilight nodded. "Yeah. That man he was talking to is Bilbo Baggins. The author of the book."

"Do you think we should go talk to him?" Starlight asked. Twilight was about to respond before she noticed Pinkie was already up at Bilbo's door. There was a strange symbol carved into the wood where Gandalf had drawn it, glowing with a blue light.

"Ooooh, sparkly!" Pinkie giggled, poking at the symbol with her hoof. Suddenly the door opened, and Bilbo was standing in the doorway, looking up to where he thought Gandalf would be.

"I said 'good morning!'" Bilbo said sternly, before he realized there was no one there. Looking around, Bilbo's eyes fell on Pinkie, who stared back at him. Bilbo's eyes went wide.

"Ummmm… meow?" Pinkie said, shrugging.

Bilbo stammered for a moment. "Good night," he said, finally, before fainting dead away.

A few minutes later, Bilbo awoke on the floor of his front hall. He struggled to remember what had happened to him, his vision still blurry. He remembered Gandalf, the strange old wizard, and how he had seemed insistent on taking him on some sort of adventure. He remembered retreating into his house while Gandalf did something to his door. He remembered hearing scratches at his door before he answered it and found…

"Hello? Can you hear us?" he heard a woman's voice say. He saw some kind of violet blob standing over him. "I'm very sorry about Pinkie. She… just kind of does her own thing sometimes."

Finally, Bilbo's vision cleared enough that he could see some kind of purple horse looking down at him. Shouting, Bilbo scrambled away into a corner, managing to get to his feet. There were seven of the strange creatures in his house, all of different colors, as well as some sort of purple reptile.

"Who are you?" Bilbo stammered. "What are you doing here?"

"Sorry," Twilight said. "We wanted to make sure you were alright, and we didn't know where else to go."

Bilbo looked back at her blankly.

"Right, this must be pretty weird for you," Twilight said, clearing her throat. "My name is Twilight Sparkle. I'm a unicorn pony from a place called Equestria, very far away. Yes, we can all talk. This is Starlight Glimmer, Pinkie Pie, who you already met, Spike, Rainbow Dash, Applejack, Rarity, and Fluttershy. No, we are not going to hurt you. We were transported to your world through a magic book, and now seem to be stuck here."

Bilbo began to relax a bit. "Bilbo Baggins. Pleasure to meet you."

Rarity bowed slightly. "Charmed to meet you, Bilbo!"

Bilbo cautiously walked up to the ponies and extended his hand. Each of the ponies shook it in turn. "Well," Bilbo cleared his throat, "I suppose, as long as you're here, you might as well make yourselves at home. Never let it be said that Bilbo Baggins didn't treat guests well."

"Do you have anything to eat?" Rainbow asked. "I'm a little hungry." The other Equestrians nodded.

"Oh, sure," Bilbo said, smiling. If there was anything that could put a hobbit at ease, it was good food. "My pantry is this way, and filled with food."

For the next couple hours, Bilbo and the ponies ate and talked. Bilbo grilled himself a fish along with some cheese and vegetables, while the ponies ate fruit, vegetables, cheese, and bread.

"There and Back Again?" Bilbo asked as he prepared his dinner. "Sounds like a good book. However, I can't say that it's familiar to me."

"That's strange," Twilight said, "because apparently someone named Bilbo Baggins was the author."

"Well, I'm the only 'Bilbo Baggins' I know of, and I've never written a book in my life," Bilbo said, bringing his plate over to the table with the Equestrians. "Not that I wouldn't mind writing. I've just never had anything to write about."

"Well, y'all are a very good cook, Bilbo," Applejack complemented, helping herself to a juicy apple. "These are almost as good as the produce back on the farm."

Bilbo grinned. "Very nice of you to say. Hobbiton prides itself on good food, as does the whole Shire. Only the best for my guests." Sighing happily, Bilbo sprinkled some pepper on his fish and began squeezing a fresh lemon on it when suddenly the doorbell rang.

"Are you expecting anypony else?" Fluttershy asked.

Bilbo frowned. "No." Getting up, he went to the door, Twilight and Starlight following him.

As Bilbo opened the door, the three were surprised to see a large dwarf standing on the front porch. He was dressed in a dark brown traveling cloak, was bald, and had a long, brown beard. He glowered at the hobbit and the two ponies.

"Dwalin, at your service," the dwarf said, bowing.

Bilbo whimpered slightly before remembering his manners. He bowed in return. "Uh, Bilbo Baggins at yours. Do we know each other?"

Dwalin stepped inside, forcing his way past the three. He gave Bilbo a look like the hobbit had just slapped him in the face. "No," he said before looking around. "Which way, laddie? Is it down here?"

"I-is what down where?" Bilbo stammered.

Dwalin took off his cloak and tossed it to Twilight, who barely had time to catch it in her magical grip. "Supper," the dwarf responded. "He said there'd be food, and lots of it."

"He said?" Bilbo asked, befuddled. "Who said?"

The other ponies were surprised when the dwarf walked in, nodding to them. "Ladies," Dwalin said, before sitting down in Bilbo's spot, picking up the fish with his hand, and starting to eat it. The ponies and Spike were too baffled and a little frightened by the newcomer to do anything. Walking back into the dining room, Bilbo saw Dwalin sitting in his chair and eating his dinner. Awkwardly, he pulled up another chair and sat down beside Dwalin, silently watching him eat. The others did the same.

Finally, Dwalin finished, sloppily biting off the fish's head. Rarity gagged. "Very good, this," Dwalin said with his mouth full. "Any more?"

"What?" Bilbo asked, getting up. "Oh, yes, yes." Looking around, he saw a plate of rolls sitting underneath the windowsill. Taking one for himself, Bilbo hid it behind his back as he held it out for Dwalin. Before the dwarf noticed, Rainbow also took a roll for herself and hid it under her wing. "Help yourself," Bilbo said to Dwalin.

Dwalin, seeing the rolls, greedily took one and crammed it into his mouth as the Equestrians watched, disgusted.

"It's just that, um…" Bilbo hesitantly said, "I wasn't expecting any more company."

Before Dwalin could respond, the doorbell rang again. Bilbo and all the Equestrians looked in the direction of the door with wide eyes.

"Not another one," Spike groaned.

Bilbo looked back at Dwalin for some kind of explanation. The dwarf looked up from his meal. "That'll be the door," he simply said.

Again, Bilbo went to the door and opened it, this time revealing an older dwarf with a long white beard and kind eyes. The dwarf smiled at him and bowed. "Balin, at your service."

Bilbo looked at him blankly. "Good evening."

"Yes. Yes, it is," Balin said, looking up at the sky before coming in. "Though I think it might rain later. Am I late?"

"Late for what?" Bilbo asked. He didn't like where this seemed to be going.

Balin looked past Bilbo and saw Dwalin shaking a glass tray filled with cookies. Balin laughed and walked up to the other dwarf. "Evening, brother!" Balin greeted.

Dwalin laughed as well, placing the tray down. "By my beard, you're shorter and wider than last we met!"

"Wider, not shorter," Balin corrected. "Sharp enough for both of us." He winked and the two dwarves laughed before suddenly slamming their heads together. Bilbo and the Equestrians winced.

"Uh, excuse me?" Bilbo said. "Sorry, I hate to interrupt, but the thing is, I'm not entirely sure you're in the right house."

Ignoring Bilbo, the two dwarves went back to the pantry, Dwalin going to a keg full of ale. Taking a nearby mug, he began filling it.

"It's not that I don't like visitors. I like visitors as much as the next hobbit. But I do like to know them before they come... visiting. I mean, at the very least, you could have asked like the girls did."

"What is this?" Dwalin said, picking up a chunk of bleu cheese. He gave no indication that he heard what Bilbo was saying.

"I don't know," Balin said. "I think it's supposed to be cheese. It's gone blue."

"It's riddled with mold!" Dwalin exclaimed.

"The thing is, I don't know either of you," Bilbo said, watching as Dwalin chucked the cheese over his shoulder. Pinkie grabbed it out of the air and began eating it. "Not in the slightest."

"HEY!" Rainbow finally shouted, grabbing the dwarves' attention. "Your host is trying to say something!"

The two dwarves looked down at Bilbo, who nodded at Rainbow. "Thank you," he said, before looking back at the dwarves. "I don't mean to be blunt, but I had to speak my mind. I'm sorry."

Balin nodded. "Apology accepted." With that, they went back to looking through the pantry.

Before Rainbow or Bilbo could say anything, the doorbell rang again. "Oh, come on!" Rainbow shouted.

Opening the door, Bilbo groaned as he saw two more dwarves, one with blonde hair, the other with black. Both had short beards. "Fili," introduced the blonde one.

"And Kili," the black-haired one said. Both bowed. "At your service!" they said in unison. "You must be Mr. Boggins!" Kili smiled.

"Nope! You can't come in! You've come to the wrong house!" Rainbow said, attempting to close the door.

Kili stopped the door with his hand. "What? Has it been canceled?"

"No one told us," Fili said.

Bilbo gave a look of confusion. "No, nothing's been canceled."

"That's a relief!" Kili grinned, forcing his way inside. Rainbow face-hoofed.

Fili took off his pack, which Bilbo saw contained a large sword. "Careful with these. I just had them sharpened." He tossed the pack to Bilbo.

"It's nice, this place," Kili complimented. "Did you do it yourself?"

"What? No, it's been in the family for years," Bilbo said. He saw Kili wiping his boots on a box, and his eyes went wide. "That's my mother's glory box! Can you please not do that?!"

Dwalin came into the hall and took Kili by the shoulder. "Fili, Kili. Come on. Give us a hand." He escorted them into the dining room. By now, the ponies and Spike were all standing up, trying to talk to the dwarves, who ignored them.

"Let's shove this in the hallway," Balin said, motioning to the table. "Otherwise, we'll never get everyone in."

"'Everyone?'" asked Bilbo.

"How many more are there?" Fluttershy asked.

The doorbell rang again.

"Oh, no," Bilbo said, his arms still full of weapons and packs. "No, no, there's nobody home!" he shouted, throwing the weapons aside. "Go away and bother somebody else! There's far too many dwarves in my dining room as it is! If this is some clot-head's idea of a joke, I can only say it is in VERY poor taste!"

Bilbo opened the door, only to jump back as eight more dwarves fell inside. There was another man at the back, who ducked down and looked inside. He smiled warmly as he saw Bilbo.

Bilbo sighed as he recognized the man and the cause of all his troubles. "Gandalf."

The wizard and all twelve of the dwarves crowded the dining room and pantry as they helped themselves to the food and drink, Bilbo and the Equestrians trying to keep them from destroying anything. Besides Dwalin, Balin, Fili, and Kili, the other dwarves had introduced themselves as Bofur, a mischievous young dwarf with a wide-brimmed hat, a short brown beard, and a long mustache; Bifur, who had a long gray beard and an old axe-head buried in his forehead that meant he could only communicate in broken Dwarvish and hand gestures; Bombur, a stout dwarf with long, red, braided hair and a big mustache; Dori, a sophisticated gentleman with short white hair and a beard; Ori, a polite young dwarf with short red hair and a beard; Nori, a quiet dwarf who kept to himself, with short brown hair and a beard that he kept in braids; Gloin, with a long brown beard, who apparently had a wife and son at home; and Óin, with a long gray beard, who carried a silver ear trumpet to help with his hearing.

None of the dwarves paid much attention to Bilbo or the Equestrians; this was especially odd to Twilight, who was surprised none of them had commented on the presence of her or her friends, especially given how Bilbo had reacted. She supposed she should be thankful, however, that she didn't need to introduce her seven friends to the thirteen strangers.

"Excuse me! Not my wine!" Bilbo shouted as the dwarves cleared out his pantry. "Put that back. Put that back! Not the jam, please! Excuse me!" Bombur walked past Bilbo, carrying four entire wheels of cheese. "It's a tad excessive, isn't it? Have you got a cheese knife?"

"Cheese knife?" Bofur chuckled as he walked past with an entire ham. "He eats it by the block."

Bilbo sighed before noticing Gloin and Óin carrying chairs. "No, that's Grandpa Mungo's chair - no, so is that." He tried to stop Óin. "Take it back, please. Take it back. It is in antique, not for sitting in."

"Excuse me, Mr. Gandalf?" Dori said, walking up to the table with a tea set. "May I tempt you with a cup of chamomile?"

"Oh, no, thank you, Dori," Gandalf said. "A little red wine for me, I think. You might try asking Rarity, though. I think she would appreciate it." The wizard pointed to the unicorn in question, who looked surprised as Dori walked over and offered her a cup of tea.

"Oh! Thank you, Dori," Rarity smiled. "How did you know my name, though?" she asked Gandalf. "I don't believe I told you."

The wizard, however, had already left the table, counting the dwarves. "Fili, Kili… Óin, Gloin… Dwalin, Balin, Bifur, Bofur, Bombur… Dori, Nori… Ori… Twilight, Spike, Starlight, Rainbow, Applejack, Rarity, Pinkie, Fluttershy…"

Bifur walked up and said something to Gandalf before slapping his arm.

"Yes, you're quite right, Bifur. We appear to be one short."

"He is late, is all," Dwalin said, standing to the side with a mug of ale. "He traveled north to a meeting of our kin. He will come."

"Mr. Gandalf?" Dori said from behind the wizard. "A glass of red wine, as requested. It's got a fruity bouquet."

"Ah! Cheers!" Gandalf said, taking the tiny cup in his hand. He downed it before looking closer at the cup, which was only about the size of his fingernail.

By now, Spike and most of the ponies had given up trying to ask what was going on, joining the dwarves for a feast. The entire pantry had been emptied, and its contents were now on the dining room table.

"Hey, Bombur, catch!" Bofur suddenly shouted, tossing a roll at his stout cousin. Bombur caught it in his mouth, and the dwarves, Spike, Pinkie, and Rainbow cheered.

"Nice one, man!" Rainbow congratulated.

Bilbo, standing in the empty pantry, was significantly less amused.

The dwarves and Equestrians ate noisily, with the dwarves' enthusiasm quickly rubbing off on the Equestrians.

"You want another drink?" Dwalin asked Óin, pouring the contents of his mug into Óin's ear trumpet. "There you go!" he laughed. Óin blew on the other end of the trumpet, shooting ale across the table. Rarity gave a look of disgust, but the others laughed. All the dwarves cheered and toasted with their mugs.

"One, two…" Kili counted, before the dwarves all chugged their drinks, ale flowing down their faces. Once they were done, Ori belched loudly, to most of the room's amusement, but Bilbo and Rarity's annoyance.

Bilbo snatched a small cloth away from Nori. "Excuse me, that is a doily, not a dishcloth."

"But it's full of holes!" Bofur commented from the side.

"It's supposed to look like that. It's crochet."

"Oh, and a wonderful game it is, too. If you have the balls for it."

Bilbo rolled his eyes and put the doily away. "Bebother and confusticate these dwarves!"

"My dear Bilbo, what on earth is the matter?" Gandalf said, walking up.

Bilbo looked like Gandalf had punched him. "What's the matter? I'm surrounded by dwarves. What are they doing here?!"

"Oh, they're quite a merry gathering, once you get used to them."

"I don't want to get used to them! Look at the state of my kitchen! There's mud trod into the carpet, they've pillaged the pantry," Bilbo's face went white. "I'm not even going to tell you what they've done to the bathroom. They've all but destroyed the plumbing. I don't understand what they're doing in my house!"

"Excuse me?" Fluttershy asked, walking up. "Um, I'm sorry to interrupt, but what should I do with my plate?"

"Here you go, Fluttershy, give it to me," Fili said, coming up and taking the plate out of the pony's hooves. He tossed it past Gandalf to Kili, who tossed it into the dining room. Another plate was tossed to Kili, and went into the dining room as well. More dishes continued to fly.

"Excuse me! That's my mother's Westfarthing crockery, it's over a hundred years old!" Bilbo shouted.

Hearing noises from the dining room, Bilbo went in and saw the dwarves rhythmically drumming their forks and knives on the table and clanging them together.

"Can you not do that? You'll blunt them!"

"Oooh, do you hear that, lads?" Bofur chuckled. "He says we'll blunt the knives…"

Suddenly the dwarves began to sing:

KILI - Blunt the knives, bend the forks!

FILI - Smash the bottles and burn the corks!

DWARVES - Chip the glasses and crack the plates,

That's what Bilbo Baggins hates!

Bofur took out a flute and began to play, while Óin used a teapot as an improvised instrument. Pinkie and Rainbow joined in the song, even Fluttershy beginning to sway her head to the music.

ALL - Cut the cloth, tread on the fat,

Leave the bones on the bedroom mat,

Pour the milk on the pantry floor…

Splash the wine on every door!

As they sang, the dwarves and ponies tossed their dishes around the room, slowly gathering it into piles.

ALL - Dump the crocks in a boiling bowl,

Pound them up with a thumping pole,

When you're finished, if they are whole…

Send them down the hall to roll!

By now, all the ponies had joined in the song, Rainbow even doing a dance in midair. Balin rolled his eyes at his companions' mischief, but used his own plate to flip dishes past him as they came his way.

ALL - That's what Bilbo Baggins hates!

The room filled with laughter as Bilbo ran in… only to find all the dishes had been piled up, unharmed, in a nice tidy stack. Despite their boisterousness, the dwarves hadn't broken anything.

Suddenly, a knock was heard at the door, the room going quiet.

"He is here," Gandalf said.

Answering the door, Gandalf was greeted by a black-haired dwarf with a short beard. Accompanying Gandalf, Twilight gasped as she recognized the dwarf - the prince of Erebor.

"Princess Twilight," the prince said, inclining his head in respect. "Gandalf. I thought you said this place would be easy to find. I lost my way. Twice. I wouldn't have found it at all had it not been for that mark on the door."

"Mark?" Bilbo asked. "There's no mark on that door, it was painted a week ago."

"There is a mark, I put it there myself," Gandalf said.

"Ohhhhh, yeeeaaahh," Pinkie said as she remembered the strange symbol. "Did I forget to mention that?"

Bilbo glared at her.

"Bilbo, my little ponies," Gandalf began, "allow me to introduce the leader of our company - Thorin Oakenshield."

Thorin approached Bilbo, appraising him. "So… this is the hobbit. Tell me, Mr. Baggins, have you done much fighting?"

"Pardon me?" Bilbo asked in disbelief.

"Axe or sword? What's your weapon of choice?"

Bilbo drew himself up to his full height, just barely able to look Thorin in the eye. "Well, I do have some skill at conkers, if you must know. But I fail to see why that's relevant."

Thorin raised an eyebrow. "Princess Twilight, how about you? What's your combat experience?"

Twilight stammered. "Well, my friends and I have fought our fair share of monsters and villains. We've saved our homeland on multiple occasions. We don't go looking for fights, but we can handle ourselves if need be."

Thorin nodded. "If need be. Thought as much." He looked at Bilbo. "The hobbit looks more like a grocer than a burglar. And the ponies…" He looked at Rarity, who was sipping her tea. "Don't look much better."

"What news from the meeting at Ered Luin?" Balin asked. The dwarves were back in the dining room, Thorin eating only a small bowl of soup. "Did they all come?"

"Aye. Envoys from all seven kingdoms," Thorin nodded. The other dwarves smiled.

"Ah, all of them!"

"And what did the dwarves of the Iron Hills say?" Dwalin asked. "Is Dain with us?"

Thorin sighed. It took a moment before he answered. "They will not come."

The mood in the room instantly changed for the worst.

"They say this quest is ours and ours alone," Thorin continued.

"You're going on a quest?" Twilight asked.

Gandalf looked back to see Bilbo and the Equestrians listening in. "Bilbo, my dear fellow, let us have a little more light." Bilbo nodded and went to fetch a light, while Gandalf took a piece of parchment out of his sleeve and laid it on the table. Opening it, he showed it to be a map. "Far to the east, over ranges and rivers, beyond woodlands and wastelands, lies a single solitary peak." Gandalf pointed to a large mountain in the middle of the map.

Bilbo, having come back with a candle, read the writing above the mountain. "'The Lonely Mountain.'"

"Aye, Óin has read the portents, and the portents say it is time!" Gloin said.

"Ravens have been seen flying back to the mountain, as it was foretold," Óin continued. "'When the birds of yore return to Erebor, the reign of the beast will end.'"

"Erebor?" Starlight asked.

Thorin looked at her. "You've heard of it?"

Starlight nodded. "Yeah, it's… it's a long story. But that's another thing, how did you know about all of us?"

"Well, that would be because of me," Gandalf said. "I told them all of you would be here, so there wouldn't be any…" He gave Pinkie a look. "...unnecessary surprises."

Pinkie grinned sheepishly.

"But then, how did you know we would be here?" Twilight asked.

"I have my ways," Gandalf said. "Just as you have your ways of knowing about the mountain. And the beast."

"Uh… what beast?" Bilbo asked.

"Oh, that would be a reference to Smaug the Terrible, Chiefest and Greatest Calamity of Our Age," Bofur answered. "Airborne firebreather. Teeth like razors, claws like meathooks. Extremely fond of precious metals."

Fluttershy turned pale.

"Yes, I know what a dragon is," Bilbo said, cutting Bofur off.

"We're not all like that, you know," Spike grumbled, crossing his arms.

Ori stood up. "I'm not afraid! I'm up for it! I'll give 'im a taste of dwarvish iron right up his jacksie!"

"You said it, Ori!" Rainbow cheered.

"The task would be difficult enough with an army behind us, but we number just thirteen," Balin said. "And not thirteen of the best. Nor brightest."

"'Ere! Who are you calling dim?!" Nori shouted.

"We may be few in number," Fili said, "but we're fighters. All of us! To the last dwarf!"

"And you forget, we have a wizard in our company!" Kili joined in. "Gandalf will have killed hundreds of dragons in his time!"

Gandalf held up a hand. "Oh, well, no. I wouldn't say…"

"How many, then?" Dori asked.

"What?"

"How many dragons have you killed?"

All eyes turned to Gandalf, who coughed awkwardly on his pipe smoke.

"Go on, give us a number!"

The dwarves all started shouting at each other.

"NO MORE!" Thorin suddenly shouted, getting the room's attention. "If we have read these signs, do you not think others will have read them, too? Rumors have begun to spread. The dragon Smaug has not been seen for sixty years. Eyes look east to the mountain, assessing, wondering, weighing the risk. Perhaps the vast wealth of our people now lies unprotected. Do we sit back while others claim what is rightfully ours? Or do we seize this chance to take back Erebor?!"

The dwarves all began cheering. Twilight smiled. Despite everything she had heard Thorin had been through, she still saw some of the princesses in him. The mark of a true leader.

"You forget, the front gate is sealed," Balin interrupted. "There is no way into the mountain."

"That, my dear Balin, is not entirely true," Gandalf said, taking out a small, ornate key.

Thorin's eyes went wide. "How came you by this?"

"It was given to me by your father. By Thrain. For safekeeping. It is yours now." Gandalf passed the key to Thorin, who gingerly took it.

"If there is a key," Fili said, "there must be a door."

Gandalf nodded and pointed to some writing on the side of the map. "These runes speak of a hidden passage to the lower halls."

Kili smiled. "There's another way in!"

"Well, if we can find it, but dwarf doors are invisible when closed. The answer lies hidden somewhere in this map, and I do not have the skill to find it, but… there are others in Middle-Earth who can."

Thorin looked at Gandalf skeptically.

"The task I have in mind will require a great deal of stealth and no small amount of courage." Gandalf turned and looked at Bilbo. "But if we are careful and clever, I believe that it can be done."

"That's why we need a burglar!" Ori said.

"Hmm. And a good one, too," Bilbo agreed. "An expert, I'd imagine."

"And are you?" Gloin asked.

Bilbo looked back blankly. "Am I what?"

"He said he's an expert! He-hey!" Óin cheered.

"Me?! No, no, no, no, no! I'm not a burglar! I've never stolen a thing in my life!"

"Well, I'm afraid I have to agree with Mr. Baggins," Balin said. "He's hardly burglar material."

"You say that like it's a bad thing!" Rarity said.

"Aye, the wild is no place for gentle folk who can neither fight nor fend for themselves," Dwalin added.

The dwarves and ponies began arguing again, debating Bilbo's merits. Suddenly, Gandalf rose. "ENOUGH!" he shouted. His shadow seemed to fill the room as he rose up to his full height, his voice booming through the room. Fluttershy whimpered and hid underneath Rainbow. "IF I SAY BILBO BAGGINS IS A BURGLAR, THEN A BURGLAR HE IS!" A few seconds later, he returned to his normal self. "Hobbits are remarkably light on their feet. In fact, they can pass unseen by most, if they choose. And while the dragon is accustomed to the smell of dwarf, the scent of a hobbit is all but unknown to him, which gives us a distinct advantage." Gandalf turned to Thorin, ignoring Bilbo's attempts to protest. "You asked me to find the fourteenth member of this company, and I have chosen Mr. Baggins. There's a lot more to him than appearances suggest, and he's got a great deal more to offer than any of you know!" Gandalf looked up and down the room before turning to Bilbo. "Including himself." Gandalf turned back to Thorin. "You must trust me on this."

Thorin was quiet for a moment before finally responding. "Very well. We will do it your way. Give him the contract."

Balin nodded and took a paper out of his pocket, handing it to the protesting Bilbo. "It's just the usual. Summary of out-of-pocket expenses, time required, remuneration, funeral arrangements, so forth."

"Funeral arrangements?" Bilbo asked nervously as he took the paper and began looking it over. He groaned as he unfolded it and it reached almost to his knees.

Thorin leaned over to whisper to Gandalf. "I cannot guarantee his safety."

Gandalf nodded. "Understood."

"Nor will I be responsible for his fate."

Gandalf paused. "Agreed."

"'Terms: Cash on delivery, up to but not exceeding 1/14th of total profit, if any,'" Bilbo read. He nodded. "Seems fair. 'Present company shall not be liable for injuries inflicted by or sustained as a consequence thereof, including but not limited to... lacerations… evisceration?'" Fluttershy started turning pale again. Bilbo flipped to another page before turning back to the table with an incredulous look. "'Incineration?!'"

"Oh, aye," Bofur nodded, "he'll melt the flesh off your bones in the blink of an eye."

Bilbo put the paper down and whimpered.

"You all right, Bilbo?" Starlight asked.

"Yeah," Bilbo answered, though he looked like he might throw up. He started breathing heavily. "Feel a bit faint."

"Think furnace with wings," Bofur continued.

"Air. I...I need air."

"Flash of light, searing pain, then poof! You're nothing more than a pile of ash!"

Bilbo turned to look at Bofur before looking up at the ceiling. "Nope," he said, before fainting again. Fluttershy also fainted, falling on her back with her legs straight up in the air, stiff as a board.

Gandalf sighed. "Very helpful, Bofur."

"You sure you're alright, Bilbo?" Twilight asked. "That's the second time today."

"I'll be alright. Just let me sit quietly for a moment," Bilbo responded, sitting in a chair with a cup of tea.

"You've been sitting quietly for far too long," Gandalf shook his head. "Tell me, when did doilies and your mother's dishes become so important to you?"

"Don't you think yer being too harsh on the poor fellow?" Applejack asked.

"You didn't know him when he was younger," Gandalf responded. "I remember a young hobbit who was always running off in search of elves in the woods." The wizard smiled warmly. "Who would stay out late, come home after dark, trailing mud and twigs and fireflies. A young hobbit who would have liked nothing better than to find out what was beyond the borders of the Shire." Gandalf turned to Bilbo. "The world is not in your books and maps. It's out there," he said, gesturing to the window.

Bilbo shook his head. "I can't just go running off into the blue. I am a Baggins… of Bag End."

"You are also a Took," Gandalf replied. "Did you know that your great-great-great-great uncle Bullroarer Took was so large, he could ride a real horse?" Gandalf pointed to a portrait in the corner of the room, depicting a large hobbit wielding a long staff.

"Yes," Bilbo sighed.

"Well, he could! In the battle of Greenfields, he charged the goblin ranks. He swung his club so hard, it knocked the goblin king's head clean off, and it sailed a hundred yards through the air and went down a rabbit hole! And thus, the battle was won. And the game of golf invented at the same time."

"Awesome!" Rainbow exclaimed. "I need to start playing more golf!"

"The poor rabbits…" Fluttershy said.

Bilbo smiled. "I do believe you made that up."

"Well, all good stories deserve embellishment. You'll have a tale or two to tell of your own when you come back."

Bilbo chuckled before he thought of something, his smile falling. "Can you promise that I will come back?"

Gandalf shook his head. "No. And if you do, you will not be the same."

"That's what I thought," Bilbo said, setting down his teacup before getting up. "Sorry, Gandalf, I can't sign this. You've got the wrong hobbit."

Bilbo left the room. Twilight turned to Gandalf. "Is there anything we can do to help? We've fought dragons before."

Gandalf shook his head. "I appreciate the thought, Twilight, but I really need Bilbo on this. And though he may deny it, he needs it as well."

From the other room, Balin watched as Bilbo went back to his bedroom. He sighed. "It appears we have lost our burglar. Probably for the best. The odds were always against us. After all, what are we? Merchants, miners, tinkers, toy-makers. Hardly the stuff of legend."

"There are a few warriors amongst us," Thorin said, smiling at Balin.

Balin smiled back sadly. "Old warriors," he corrected.

Thorin sighed. "I would take each and every one of these dwarves over an army from the Iron Hills. For when I called upon them, they answered. Loyalty, honor, a willing heart. I can ask no more than that."

He didn't know that Rainbow was listening from the other room. Loyalty. She looked back at Gandalf.

"You don't have to do this," Balin said. "You have a choice. You've done honorably by our people. You have built a new life for us in the Blue Mountains. A life of peace and plenty. A life that is worth more… than all the gold in Erebor."

"From my grandfather to my father, this has come to me," Thorin said, holding up the key Gandalf had given him. "They dreamt of the day when the dwarves of Erebor would reclaim their homeland. There is no choice, Balin. Not for me."

Balin nodded. "Then we are with you, laddie. We will see it done."

The two dwarves walked in to a room with the rest of their kinsmen, humming a solemn tune. The ponies, entranced by the music, came in to listen.

THORIN - Far over the Misty Mountains cold,

To dungeons deep, and caverns old.

We must away, 'ere break of day,

To find our long forgotten gold.

The sound of the mournful music echoed throughout the hobbit-hole, Bilbo listening from his bed.

ALL DWARVES - The pines were roaring on the height.

The winds were moaning in the night.

The fire was red, it flaming spread.

The trees, like torches, blazed with light.

Bilbo and the ponies went to sleep, dreaming of mountains, of gold, and of dragons.