JENNIE

"This thing is like a little laptop." I press another button on my new gadget.

My new iPhone has more functions than a computer. I run my finger over the large screen, tapping on the small squares. Tapping on the small camera box, I jump back when an unflattering angle of me cringes back at me. I quickly close it, pressing down on the Safari icon. I type Google because, well, that's my first instinct. This phone is so odd. It's more than confusing, but I'm in no hurry to learn how to navigate the thing. I've only had it for ten minutes and haven't even left the store yet. Everyone makes it seem so simple, tapping and sliding their fingers across the gigantic screen, but there are so many options. Too many, really.

Still, I suppose it's fun to have so many options to occupy my time. This thing could keep me busy for hours, days maybe. I scroll through the music choices and am amazed by the idea of having endless songs at the tap of a finger.

"Did you want me to help you transfer your contacts and pictures and stuff to your new phone?" the young girl behind the counter asks. I had forgotten that she and Jisoo were here; I was so entranced by attempting to learn how to use this phone.

"Uhm, no, thank you," I politely decline.

"Are you sure?" Her heavily lined eyes are surprised. "It only takes a sec." She chews her gum.

"I have all the numbers I need memorized."

She shrugs her shoulders and stares at Jisoo.

"I need yours," I say to her. My mother and Kai's numbers were always the only ones of necessity. I need a fresh start, a new beginning. My shiny new phone with only a few numbers saved in it will help that. As much as I always refused to get a new phone before, I'm glad I did now.

It feels surprisingly refreshing to start over: no contacts, no pictures, nothing.

Jisoo guides me through saving a new number, and we leave the store.

"I'll show you how to get your music back. It's easier on this phone anyway," Jisoo says, smiling as she turns onto the freeway. We are on our way back from the mall, where I had to spend too much money on a week's worth of clothes.

A clean break, that's what this needs to be. No reminiscing, no scrolling through photo after photo. I don't know where to go, what to do next, but I do know that holding on to something that was never mine will only hurt more.

"Do you know how my father is doing?" I ask Jisoo over lunch.

"Marco called in on Saturday, and they told him that Richard was adjusting. The first few days are going to be the worst." Jisoo reaches across the table to steal fries from my plate.

"Do you know when I can visit him?" If all I have is my estranged-until-only-a-month-ago father and Jisoo, I want to hold on to both of them as closely as I can.

"I don't know for sure, but I will ask when we get back to the house."

Jisoo looks over at me. I hold on to my new phone, bringing it to my chest without thinking about it. Jisoo's eyes fill with sympathy. "I know it's only been one day, but have you given New York any thought?" she asks cautiously.

"Yes, a little."

I'm waiting to make the decision until I talk to Kimberly and Christian in person. I heard from her this morning, and she said they will be leaving Thailand on Thursday. I'm still trying to figure out how it's only Tuesday. It feels much longer than two days since I left Thailand.

My mind goes to her and what she's doing . . . or who she's with. Is she touching that girl right now? Is she wearing Lisa shirt again? Why am I torturing myself with thoughts of her? I've been avoiding her, and now I

can see her bloodshot green eyes, I can feel the tips of her fingers brushing across my cheek.

I was both hurt and pathetically relieved when I found a dirty black Tshirt while rummaging through my suitcase at Chicago O'Hare. I started off looking for my phone charger and ended up finding her last blow. I couldn't bring myself, no matter how many times I tried, to walk over and throw it into the nearest trash can. I couldn't. Instead, I shoved it back into the suitcase and buried it under my clothes.

So much for a clean break, but I'm giving myself a break, given how hard all this feels. How my entire world has been ripped apart, and I'm left alone to sort out the pieces . . .

No. As I resolved on the plane, I won't indulge in such thinking. These thoughts are getting me nowhere. Feeling sorry for myself only makes it worse.

"I'm leaning towards New York, but I need a little more time to decide,"

I tell Jisoo.

"Good." Her smile is contagious. "We would leave in about three weeks at the end of the semester."

"I hope so." I sigh, desperately wanting time to pass. A minute, an hour, a day, a week, a month, any time that passes can only be a good thing for me at this point.

And so it does, time passes, and somehow I find myself moving along with it. The problem is, I haven't decided if that's a good thing or not.