Oliver's Journal

Disclaimer: I own nothing but what you see here. This takes place at some point during season 1.

Summary: Moira unexpectedly comes across her son's journal.

Moira Queen felt herself at a loss for once as there quite honestly wasn't much to do. Walter was handling business with the company, Malcolm was off on business doing something or other and Tempest wasn't needed for the time being because of that, no one was needing to speak with her on some important topic, or at least important in their minds anyway. Her own circle of friends were also quite occupied as well, Thea was actually doing homework for once, Raisa was occupied with something deep in the house, and Oliver was off in Russia of all things for reasons he didn't share. But at least he had taken Mr. Diggle with him so that was something at least. She had wound up taking a stroll through out her home that eventually saw her finding herself at Oliver's bedroom door. Having a laugh over it, she decided for whatever reason that made sense to herself to open the door and go inside.

She quickly saw however that it seems her son had yet to make any real serious changes to his room despite being back for some time now. Moira supposed that he probably didn't feel a need to for whatever reason. A book on his bed however caught her interest and it was almost as if it was calling to her. Sitting down next to it, she picked it up and looked at it in all its forest green mysteriousness. It had no title anywhere to be seen which was odd but she had the thought it may be something of a journal. Which if it was she was happy he was writing down what he was feeling since it wasn't healthy to bottle things up. Especially with all he'd been through on that horrible island he'd been on for five years.

Moira wanted to take a peek inside but she knew that would be a horrible way to break her son's trust but the pull to see what was within was too strong. She could only hope he would forgive her for this intrusion on his privacy. Opening it to its first pages she gasped as she began to read.

My name is Oliver Queen, and for five long years I was trapped in Hell. It didn't matter if it was on the island of Lian Yu, Hong Kong, Russia, or elsewhere, it was still Hell in a variety of forms. The fact I have not become truly lost and fallen into a pit of darkness and despair surprises me greatly. But its only a matter of time that I do as I can't escape something like that forever. Lian Yu is where Ollie Queen died and in his place Oliver Queen was born. Ollie was a playboy who didn't give a damn about much where as Oliver is someone who truly cares. Death, Love, Betrayal, Darkness, and Hate helped to kill Ollie the Playboy. In an odd way, I am thankful for it as I have grown into a real man who actually gives a damn. One wouldn't think I would be thankful but I am.

I owe it to the likes of Yao Fei, his daughter Shado, Slade despite what became of him, the Yamashiros, who's son I hope rests well in Heaven, Amanda Waller whom I still hope to one day drive an arrow into her cold black heart, and so many others who I met in my journey of becoming more than some playboy without much of a care. I have been taught to survive, or Shengcun as Yao Fei put it. And survive I did against every odd to come my way and my latest fight against darkness and despair are no different as I fight to right my father's wrongs with the skills I learned during my five years.

But still I worry of the potential to fall into that pit of darkness and despair as I've talked of before. For I know if I do, there is no doubt that I may be unable to come back and I will truly be a stranger to those who know and love me...

The mother of Oliver and Thea Queen was honestly in shock and tears from reading those passages. They represented something she never even had a clue about when it came to her beautiful boy. The names of those he mentioned and the fact that there were so many more made her wonder about them and where they were at now in life. And if he wasn't always on the island… Then why in the world did he not come home? Was he unable to find a way? Did something happen that he felt too ashamed to come home? Or something far worse like being some sort of a prisoner or slave? Moira had so many questions running through her mind and wondered if this journal would have the answers that her son may be unwilling to answer?

Even though she doubted she would come to him about those questions since he would know then and there that he would know of her betrayal of trust… Moira couldn't help but to read more that her son had written, if only to try and understand all her son went through even if it broke her heart in the process.

The beginning of my five years of Hell didn't begin in some innocent way. No, it began when I chose to take the sister of the girl I was with on my father's yacht. I was no stranger to being disloyal to Laurel by that point and it wasn't the first time I had done something with Sara either. Things may likely be far more different right now had I simply manned up and told Laurel how I truly felt about things, but here we are with no way to change that. Of course since I know things like Mirakuru and magic exists, I could very well be wrong… But what price would I have to pay for something like that? And would it even be worth it?

Moira would continue to read on for quite some time, learning of the triumphs and tragedies her son suffered with tears always falling and she had to make sure none fell on the pages so that they wouldn't be ruined. So many of the people her son met were either people she would love to meet or to meet and then slap them for what they put Oliver through. Such as Edward Fyers, Anthony Ivo, Slade Wilson, and Amanda Waller. Though Waller's being involved with ARGUS was another matter entirely and it wouldn't be wise to come after the woman without a well craftedly thought out plan. "There you are mom!" Suddenly came the surprise voice of one Thea Queen.

Making Moira look up in shock as she quickly put the journal down next to her. "Mom? Have you been crying?" Asked the young girl in concern as she walked into her brother's room.

Thea wondered if it had something to do with that book her mom had been holding until she saw her. "Um, yes, nothing to worry about sweetheart I promise."

Doubtful of that, Thea snatched the book from her mother's side before the older woman could grab it. "Thea! That is Oliver's private thoughts!"

"Something tells me that they haven't been so private judging by those tears of yours mom." Moira frowned at her for that but she couldn't refute the claim.

Opening the book, Thea was quickly a mix of shock and horrified by the contents of it as she realized just how much of himself Ollie had put into this journal. She couldn't read further after reading of what happened to the girl named Shado and closed the book and threw it back down on to the bed. Moira rushed up and hugged her and the two cried for what Oliver had gone through. "M-mom… I think we should tell him we read his journal. He deserves to know." He'd be mad as Hell for sure but it was the right thing to do.

Moira thankfully agreed, though she was a little fearful of what his reaction would be considering she knew nearly all his secrets now. But he was her son as she was his mother and they would get through all things as a family no matter what. And when he came home several days later from his trip to Russia and looking quite happy, the two Queen women broke the news of what had happened. Understandably he hadn't been too thrilled over the broken trust but in the end he would be happy to have some sort of understanding with his mother and sister. As it meant they would stop wanting to see him as he used to be and being in denial of who he obviously had become in the time he'd been gone.

It'd honestly been nice to share a few of his happier memories with the two and Thea had even suggested him turning his thoughts into a full on book to publish. Mostly as a way to share with those who'd read it what he'd been through and to allow for the memories of Shado, Yao Fei, the Slade he used to know, Akio, and other good people who's lives were lost to live on even more. But that was something he shot down due to the information it all had that could cause all sorts of problems. Especially with the Lances and ARGUS in particular. Thankfully both her and their mother understood that line of thinking in the end.

Author's Notes: Just a little something I had running about in my head. Not sure I'll do more with this one but who knows.