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Xander DxD

Disclaimer: I do not own High School DxD, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Angel, Harry Potter, Naruto, King Ralph, and Rifts

Major AU: Do not expect this story to strictly follow canon for High School DxD.

Key: "Talking" 'Thought' [Sacred Gear] (Pailamancy or Telepathy) *Technique*

Author Note: This is the beginning of an Arc I am adding to the DxD Storyline. I would also like to warn you that Riser Arc is not waiting a whole year. Worse, Riser is a tad more cunning and competent than in canon, but won't be the complete bastard that fanon makes him out to be. Now before anyone bitches about what I am doing to a character in this chapter, I am doing it for another plot point down the line. The most astute of you might guess it, but if you do, PM me, do not leave it in review.

Contracts and Portents

"Hello there, Devil-kun~"

Xander froze at the sound of the least feminine voice he'd heard since he'd met Princess Anna of Norway. 'Please don't be her. Please don't be her.' While he hadn't had a steady relationship since Anya, that didn't mean he didn't acquire stalkers. Princess Anna was the worst and being Called let her get away with it. The fact the wall was painted her favorite shade of salmon and decorated with cutesy knickknacks was not helping his state of mind. Turning to face the source of the voice he took in the sight and let out a sigh of relief, "Oh, thank maou."

Mil-tan blinked at the devil's reaction. She wasn't so dense as to not know how she appeared. Being born a genetic hermaphrodite with a ninety five percent male body-type and mostly female brain had her looking like a massive bodybuilder transvestite. Standing six foot ten inches and weighing nearly three hundred fifty pounds of muscles with precious little body fat she would win a Mister Universe contest and did win in a few Strong Man competitions. Her face was also extremely masculine except her eyes and eyelashes. That was one place she lucked out. She had eyelashes that most women would commit heinous crimes against humanity for. She knew how disturbing she looked striking a pose in her Milky-tan Spiral alternate edition costume. So seeing the handsome devil visibly relax on seeing her was a little shocking.

"You summoned a Gremory Devil?" Xander asked as he bowed respectfully, "My name is Xander, what can I do for you?"

"Oh.. I am Mil-tan, Xander-san," Mil-tan bowed in greeting "I would like to make me a magical girl right nyo~!"

"When you say Magical Girl…" Xander began to ask.

"Oh, let me show you. I just got a new Blu Ray HD copy of Magical Milky Spiral 7 Alternate edition. We can watch it together. My boyfriend won't mind," Mil-tan grabbed Xander's arm and dragged him bodily to the living room.

…
…

"So, how did it go, Xander-kun?" Kiba's voice and smile looked utterly innocent, but there was no denying the twinkle in his eye. He knew exactly who Xander had been summoned by. He remembered an excitable woman shrieking in joy when she found the flier. Then came the proclamations of what she would wish for. When he saw the summoning he just knew had to dodge that bullet and Xander made a wonderful scapegoat.

Xander eyed the swordsman for a moment. 'The bastard did this deliberately.' Suppressing his urge to rant he just smiled and it even reached his eyes, but it wasn't a happy smile. It was one that promised that Kiba would suffer nightmares from whatever Xander was plotting, "I don't know how you knew or arranged it, but there will be payback. It could come tomorrow, or it could come a year from now, but it will come."

"What did Kiba do?" Koneko asked after she finished the dango she was currently enjoying. "There weren't clowns, were there?"

"No, just almost triggered a slight bit of PTSD and then I was subjected to watching Milky Spiral 7 Special edition with a woman who could have played Greggor Clegane if she had a beard." Xander replied calmly as she continued to stare a hole through Kiba's head. When the other man had the grace to look guilty, Xander relented, "Relax, I'm not mad, I'll just get even later. It was a good prank." Chuckling now, Xander turned to Rias who was going over the books on her laptop, "Sighed three individual pacts. Mil-tan agrees to pay 540,000 yen for tonight's services, she pledges to buy the reagents she needs from Gremory owned distributors, and she agrees that if we have need of her skills we can summon her twice."

"Over half a million yen for six hours work?" Akeno blinked, "What did you do besides watch an Anime?"

Everyone's attention perked up at that. Several possibilities were flying through everyone's mind. Kiba and Akeno were shockingly alike in their thoughts that perhaps the Anime was to cover the sounds of a lewd encounter. Rias was having flashbacks to having her hair washed. Koneko was imagining Xander acting out the scene of being a damsel in distress. Asia herself could only think of how Xander would brush her hair as they read Naruto together. Strangely, Asia was closest as she was helping Mil-tan paint her nails as they discussed her wish.

"Mil-tan wants to be a magical girl. Not just simply have magic, but be able to transform into a cute super powered girl," Xander shrugged, "I don't blame her. If I was a Herm with Sophie Dee's body but still had my package and a male mindset, I'd want to be able to transform into a guy."

"Permanent gender transformation spells are incredibly hard. The only caster I know of who can perform the spell at all is Maou Leviathan and she can't control what the outcome will look like," Rias shook herself out of her day dream, "Just what did you do?"

"I had about a month's worth of Polyjuice potion and the recipe for making more," Xander shrugged, "Willow cooked it up after watching Chamber of Secrets. It's normally for infiltrations. The best part is it can be made by anyone, even those who don't have a lot of magic. All she needs is some hair from a girl she likes the looks of and bam, she's good to go for an hour per mouthful."

Akeno smiled warmly as she placed a plate of chocolate chip cookies in front of Xander, "That is genius. She paid you for potions and the recipe and she has to continue buying ingredients. With your fifty percent of the initial fee and three percent for her future purchases of the reagents Mil-tan will be filling your accounts as long as she wants to be a Magical Girl. Very cunning, Xander-kun."

"Congratulations on your first three pacts, you've earned a special reward," Rias grinned widely at her pawn.

…
…

"You want me to what?" Rias Gremory was more than a bit shocked. She was also very disappointed. Xander had just finished washing her hair, leaving her with that wonderful afterglow. In what was the closest thing to pillow talk she'd experienced, she'd asked what he wanted for his special reward. "You want to be left alone in the tub for thirty minutes? How is that a reward? Do you not like bathing with me?"

"There is a Pfiefer-Zeliska revolver in the bottom of my foot locker. If I ever tell you I don't like bathing with you I want you take that and shoot me in head, heart, and groin." Xander replied completely seriously. "Whoever that Xander is, he does not deserve to live. It's just… with you and Akeno teasing me all the time I need a bit of relief. I could arrange it when Asia didn't live with us, but now…"

Rias twisted her body around enough she could look Xander in the eye, "Then why not let me help you, my precious Pawn? That could be your reward."

Xander's left nostril actually leaked a tiny bit of blood as the thought of Rias helping ease his tension played across his mind. Taking a deep breath to settle his imagination. "If it were to ever happen between us, I don't want any part of it to be because I earned a reward. You deserve a lot better than that."

Rais could only stare in wonder. She knew without a doubt that if she made that offer to nearly any other male they would have been all over it. Neither Kiba or Gasper would, but she was sure both of them didn't see her in a sexual light. Kiba was far too attracted to Tsubaki to notice other girls that way, while Gasper thought of her as a literal sister not a figurative one. Xander on the other hand obviously saw her as sexuallly desirable and not just for her body.

"Besides, if you helped, it would just work me up more unless we spent hours doing all kinds of things an engaged woman shouldn't do." Xander's lopsided grin came out in full force, "except with her fiance and we both know yours only deserves a good racking."

"Ufufufu," Rias could not help the giggle that escaped her lips at the thought of putting knee to Riser's balls. There were a few traits she did share with her Queen after all, "Alright, fine, turn down my help now, but I won't be engaged for very much longer if I can help it. Then we'll revisit this topic."

"Alright, but I really think you should save doing things like that for the one you love," Xander said as Risas was repositioning herself to just leaning against him. Wrapping his arms around her waist Xander rested his head atop Rias'. "So have you watched any more of the show?"

"Yes, I just finished the first season with the Master escaping and getting killed again," Rias sighed as she got comfortable. 'This is quickly becoming the best part of my day.' Placing her hands atop his she let herself pretend her engagement was to Xander, "You were incredibly brave. How did Buffy react when she found out you were the one who wanted to save her?"

"I don't think she ever did figure it out," Xander mused for a moment, he shrugged a bit as he began tracing patterns around Rias' navel, "I doubt it would have made any difference in anything. At the time she only had eyes for Angel. I was just the guy lucky enough to be one of her best friends."

"No… she was the lucky one."

…
…

"You are doing great, Xander-kun," Asia Argento had been watching her first friend as he was literally walking up the trunk of the massive oak tree behind the Old School Building.

"Asia-chan?... Oh shiiiiiit!" Xander had turned his head to look at Asia when she called out to him Unfortunately that was enough of a distraction that he lost concentration on what he'd been doing. Pink energy surged from the soul of his feet and he was literally launched away from the tree. The ten meter fall to the soft grass below wouldn't have been too bad, but Xander had the misfortune to land on a concrete picnic table with several audible cracks.

"XANDER-KUN!" Asia raced to Xander's side and immediately began using Twilight healing. The green glow first encompassed his head which was fortunate as the table top had been rather unforgiving when it fractured his skull.

"Note to self, the next time I try tree climbing, make sure I wear a helmet and make sure if I shoot off the tree it's away from the picnic tables," Xander muttered as he quickly regained some of his ability to think. His body was still just one massive ball of pain, especially his arms and legs.

"Oh thank goodness, I was afraid you'd…" Asia didn't finish her thought. She just burst into tears and hugged Xander thankful she was fast enough to heal his brain.

"Yeah, that was pretty stupid of me," Xander groaned as Asia's hug caused a flare of pain in his limbs. Lifting his right arm he noticed his lower arm was bent at a sixty degree angle in a place with no joint. "Asia, you're going to have to set my arm before you heal it."

"Oh yes," Asia released Xander and began examining his right arm. With her duties in the Church they had taught her how to set bones properly. She'd learned that preparing someone for the sudden pain often causes more problems than not. "On the count of three… One." She then jerked on Xander's arm so that the broken bones would align as they were supposed before applying her healing powers. "Only four more breaks to go, Xander-kun."

"Oh joy," Xander ground out between clenched teeth.

…
…

"Were you really Tree Walking?" Asia had contained her curiosity long enough. She had set at least one bone in each of Xander's limbs as well as his left foot. She was ever so grateful that Twilight Healing worked so quickly and completely, "Why would you start with something so dangerous?"

"Yes, I was," Xander smirked as he considered how successful he'd been in only an hour, "Well, I had considered Water Walking, but the pool is in use at the moment."

"You could have used one of the fountains," Asia wasn't the least bit angry despite her wording. She was just making conversation.

"Yeah, didn't think of that. Just figured less people would freak out about a guy walking up a tree than one walking on water," Xander chuckled. He knew Asia would get the reference, "I'll be a little more careful while training."

"Yeah, i guess seeing someone walk on water would cause a fright," Asia smiled as she considered what people would think, "What else are you thinking of copying from Naruto? Surely Tree Climbing and Water Walking won't be it."

"Replacement, Transformation, and Clone," Xander recited his list of goals. "Just the Ninja basics. I plan on teaching you Replacement at the very least so you can avoid attacks. I mean I will always try to be there to protect you, but it's better to have a skill and not need it than then need it and not have it."

"Oh, I completely agree. That's why I am in the Thai Chi class like you suggested," Asia nodded as she sat on the bench next to Xander. "I don't think I would ever choose to fight, but I might be forced to. I'd rather be prepared," Her stomach actually roiled at the thought of using her new skills to hurt someone. She'd never willingly hurt anything in her life and had cried the one time she had swallowed a bug. However she was determined not to be a burden to the others in any way. "The Sensei is suggesting I learn Aikido as well."

Xander closed his eye and let out a long sigh, "You realize that I don't expect you to be a fighter, right?"

"Yes, I know that, Xander-kun," Asia was poking her fingers together, "I just see how hard all of you are working and I want to help. I don't want any of you to have to bodyguard me from absolutely everything."
"Yeah, I had the same feelings when I was just a Scooby," Xander chuckled softly at the revelation, "Though you are a lot more useful than I was most of the time. Do you know what I would have given for the ability to heal people? And your magic is coming along nicely. Don't think I didn't notice you managed to keep a barrier against some of Rias' Power of Destruction…"

"Rias-nee wasn't going all out…" Asia countered.

"Well, no. She could flatten the whole town if she put her all into it," Xander flashed his lopsided grin as he patted her head affectionately, "But from what Akeno said many Mid-Level devils couldn't shield themselves effectively against the attacks you were blocking. Those are devils with tons of power and you are better than they are, Asia-chan."

Asia would have replied, but she was just enjoying the moment even if she was blushing so hard she felt feverish.

…
…

"What are we going to work on today, Xander-senpai?" Koneko's inflection might have been flat, but to those who truly knew her it was clear she was truly excited for one-on-one training with Xander. In just the few weeks that he'd been there she had improved by leaps and bounds in her fighting skill. Her body was also stronger and much faster due to the resistance training. She had also sharpened her senses and learned ways of shielding them from overload.

"Well, nothing, you've exceeded my every expectation by an enormous degree," Xander was smiling warmly at the younger woman, "You could now fight Buffy or Faith even if they had the Scythe. Even using the Twice Critical I don't think I could take you down in anything resembling a fair fight. This calls for a celebration. I'm taking you out. Go get showered and dressed."

"This isn't a date, is it?" Koneko was a bit confused. Xander wasn't like the other boys that wanted to take her out. His gaze didn't make her feel unclean, but he had said several times he needed to get a shovel ready, so he did find her attractive.

"Nope, just me taking my Kohai out for a treat because she's been working so hard," Xander shook his head in a light bit of amusement, "Pretty sure half of Kuoh academy would string me up for stealing your first date like that. Now come on, San Francisco Creamery opened a branch here in Kuoh and they are doing the Kitchen Sink challenge. Three bananas, 8 scoops of icecream, 8 toppings, whip cream, six cherries… and if you finish it in under 30 minutes it's free."

Koneko could only look at Xander in wonder for a moment as drool collected at the corner of her mouth. "I'll hurry."

…
…

"Where do you put all that?" Xander asked as he witnessed a feat he'd only ever seen a Slayer pull off. Koneko hadn't eaten just one Kitchen Sink, she had ordered a second one and was devouring that one at a more sedate pace. He didn't have much room to talk given that he'd ordered some calamari rings after his Kitchen Sink.

"I know where it doesn't go." Koneko looked pointedly down at her own lack of bust. It wasn't that she was flat-chested, she had respectable full AA cups and on her petite frame they gave her some curves. However compared to the rest of the ORC she was lacking. "Stupid oppai won't grow."

"Has it been six months already? I swear I have this same talk twice a year." Xander shook his head in mild dismay, "Look, Koneko-chan, your oppai will grow when they grow. And they'll be whatever size they'll be. And they'll be perfect on you. The guy lucky enough to be your boyfriend will be overjoyed you let him play with them."

"Yeah, right." Koneko sulked just a bit, which was hard as Xander had told her exactly what she needed to hear, even if it wasn't exactly what she wanted.

"Do you know how many boys I've had to have talks with to let them know they can't ask you out unless they are willing to really date you?" Xander had been dealing with powerful women for ten years. At the core they were all just a little insecure about how attractive they were to others. Buffy was one the worst, especially after Dawn had matured fully, "Just in the last week it's been a dozen. Yes, Rias and Akeno are more popular, but trust me if you wanted any guy in Kuoh you could have them. So just relax and don't stress over what you think are shortcomings. You're twice as hot as Buffy was."

Koneko looked up from her sundae wide-eyed. It didn't take very long for a blush to spread across her cheeks. "Thank you, Xander-senpai."

…
…

"Rin Takigawa, Second year University Student at Todai University, majoring in Pre-Medical with a minor in Pharmaceuticals. You are a noted Cosplayer of some skill your latest triumph taking best pairs costume as Faith Lehane of the Buffy the Vampire Slayer franchise," The man addressed Rin as she was stepping out of her bathroom. He was quite tall and six feet two inches with brown hair and eyes. He was wearing simple black pants and a shirt with a clerical collar. His voice was calming with a distinct American accent. "There is no reason to be alarmed. I am just here to deliver a message to my dear friend Xander. You wouldn't mind helping me with that, would you?"

"Uhm, how did you get in here?" Rin took a half step back to her bathroom. She would have screamed, but she rented this apartment specifically because it was sound proofed.

"Never you worry about that, Rin," The man drawled out, "You need to be more worried about how well you can remember what I tell you. I'll be mighty upset if I have to deliver this message more than once."

…
…

"Are you Alexander Lavelle Hyoudou?" Assistant Inspector Hiro Watanabe couldn't put his finger on it, but he felt on edge around the Gaijin in front of him. It was as if he could sense that the teen could easily over power not just him but the two Patrol Constables with him. However he had a job to do and he would not let his unease stop him.

Xander turned to face the voice that had addressed him. He was just about to open the gate to his yard, "Yeah, that's me. Though I prefer to go by Xander."

"Ah, very well, Xander-san." Hiro replied with a nod, "I am Assistant Inspector Watanabe. This is Constable Sato and Constable Suzuki." Hiro knew how badly that sounded as they were some of the most common names in Japan. It was nearly as bad as an American introducing themselves as Anderson, Smith, and Brown. "We have some questions we would like to ask you."

Xander's first instinct was to clam up and call for an attorney. However he knew in Japan that this would result in much badness. "Alright?"

"On April 6th you attended a MythicCon 19 with one Rin Takigawa, is this correct?" Hiro asked as he consulted his tablet.

"Yes, Takigawa-san wanted to hire a friend of mine to cosplay as Buffy the Vampire Slayer to compete in the Pairs Costume contest, but she was unable to due to another commitment," Xander replied as he recalled the story he'd been given, "I offered to take her place as I resemble Xander Harris from the same show. Rin accepted the offer and we had quite a bit of fun."

"I see," Hiro responded noncommittally, "Where were you at two pm today?"

"The San Francisco Creamery with Koneko Toujou," Xander replied evenly, "We both undertook the Kitchen Sink challenge, succeeding handily I might add."

"Do you have any proof?"

"One second, I have my receipt as well as some pictures on my phone," Xander fished in his pocket for a moment and then retrieved the slip of paper handing it to the Inspector. "Can I ask what this is about?"

"Ah, I see your alibi is rock solid," Hiro frowned as he regarded the receipt. "Takagawa-san was brutally attacked at two pm this afternoon. She had to be rushed to the Trauma Center. After she was stabilized she kept uttering your name and claiming she had a message for you."

"Ah, so you were wondering if I was the one that attacked her," Xander nodded, "No, and I don't know who could have either. Takigawa-san contracted me through the fund-raiser the Kuoh Academy Occult Research Club does. Basically people can hire one of us for a few hours, we mostly do chore work or special requests like this cosplay."

Hiro froze for a moment as he heard the name of the club, but it was only for a moment, "Well, as you have an alibi, we will be on our way. Goodbye, Xander-san."

…
…

"I have to go to the Hospital for a bit," Xander announced during breakfast. His parents were already gone given it was sunday and they liked golfing. Only Rias and Asia were there enjoying the french toast breakfast he'd made.

"Oh no. Are you still hurting from the tree walking accident?" Asia immediately asked out of genuine concern. "Didn't I set the bones correctly?"

"Tree Walking accident?" Rias had to force herself to swallow her bite french toast in a hurry. Something she was loath to do for two reasons. First was that it was so delicious. Second Xander had made it. However hearing that her precious servant had been injured and required bones to be set was alarming. "Setting bones?"

"Don't worry, Asia, you set them correctly. No aches or pains," Xander reassured the former nun with a pat on the head. Turning his attention to Rias' questions he decided not to downplay it too much, "Well, I was practicing using my magic to cling to surfaces so I could walk up them. My concentration broke and I was rocketed off the tree and fell on that concrete picnic table. Luckily Asia was right there."

"Why would you practice something so dangerous when you are alone?" Rias sprang up from her seat and rushed to Xander's side. In under a second she had her arms wrapped around him and his face stuffed into her cleavage. "Promise me you won't practice anything so dangerous without me right there. I don't know what I would do if you got seriously hurt."

"Mmmph mmmph mmm-mmph!" Xander's muffled voice carried through the spectacular oppai his face was buried in. 'Oh what a way to go.'

…
…

'I hate hospitals,' Xander griped inside his head as he walked the halls. 'At least the Japanese build them roughly the same as American ones. And the staff seem just as ready to ignore the ordinary looking.' He'd stopped briefly in the gift shop to grab balloons, a stuffed bear, and some caramels for Rin. One thing he did have to commend the Hospital for was a database that reminded people not to buy things a patient was allergic to. 'Chocolate would have gone over like Twilight on Slayer Movie Night.' Xander actually shuddered visibly when he remembered the night Andrew wanted to show everyone a great vampire movie. 'Just badness all the way around.' Despite his inner musings, and taking a moment to remember how Buffy, Willow, Angel and Spike teamed up to give Andrew the Wedgie of Doom, Xander managed to remember which room he was looking for.

"Knock Knock, Gremory Devil," Xander said as she entered the room. Of course he'd checked to to see if she was alone before he announced himself, "Heard you had a recent visitor and they weren't too nice." Xander winced as he made that understatement. Rin's hair look like it had been shorn brutally with a knife, all of her exposed skin was covered in bruises, her left eyed had a cold compress on it, and her right leg was immobilized in a cast. "These are for you."

Rin Takigawa had always thought she was fearless. She's been shown that was not true at all. She stared at Xander unblinkingly because every time she closed her eyes she could see and hear 'him' repeating the same maeesage over and over. All night she was kept from sleep by the endless nightmares as she could feel 'him' beating her over and over as he made her memorize the message in Latin. Not that she knew it was Latin. "He gave me a message." Rin hated how detached her voice sounded. She wanted to cry, to scream, but she was just too tired, "for you."

"Yeah, the Police told me that much." Xander said as he placed the bear and caramels on her table. The balloons he just let float to the ceiling, "Want to tell me who it was, so I can make them beg for death?"

"Come to me, and I will reveal to you the judgement of the Harlot, she who lays with the Defender of Man while promised to another," Rin swallowed down the bile that was rising in her throat, "The Crimson Haired Whore whose beauty has blinded the One of Who Sees, shall suffer the same fate of the carpenter. The fifth wound will come as the sun lays itself to rest."

Xander stared at Rin shock for a full minute before everything sank in, "You have got to be kidding me!"