In the time it took for the Quinjet to reach the location the soldier provided before his death, the conflict seemed to have come to an end. As they flew, they had watched disjointed footage and listened to scattered audio of the battle that had taken place between the large beige creature—who was apparently Captain Blonsky—and the Hulk not long after Thor and Barton's departure.
Loki's first glimpse of the scene was of Blonsky chained atop the cracked pavement in what appeared to be the ruins of a building and the Hulk bounding away, pursued by another flying craft.
"I guess we missed the action," said Coulson.
"Not necessarily," said Loki, eyes narrowed as he surveyed the circle of men closing in on the trussed up monster.
"What do you have in mind?" said Sitwell.
"Well, whether or not Banner escapes, it appears that Ross has a new specimen within easy grasp." One Thor had no knowledge of, which meant he was not destined to become a friend of the Avengers.
"You think you can do something about that when they're surrounding him?" said Coulson.
"Let me down and I'll show you."
Coulson signaled to Travis, who flew them low over an adjacent rooftop. Loki didn't wait for him to land, but slammed the button Barton had used to open the back and leapt out while it was still a good thirty feet up. The density of his own body compared to the materials of mortal structures could do considerable damage after a fall from that height, but a simple spell created a temporary cushion under the balls of his feet, and he landed without a sound. The next spell cloaked him from sight, and he vaulted over the side of the roof and darted down several flights of metal steps to reach the ground. When he dropped the cloak, he emerged looking indistinguishable from Ross's men, and he infiltrated their ranks without any of them noticing.
"Not bad," said Coulson in his earpiece. "Is it the second prince's job to be in charge of espionage?"
Loki couldn't reply without the soldiers around him hearing, but he smirked. It was, of course, never difficult to impress mortals, but Coulson had observed him at work for all of a minute and already naïvely assumed his skills must give him great prestige on Asgard. He might be surprised to learn that they did rather the opposite, but still, Loki decided he liked the man. His humility and sincerity were rare for one of his profession. Perhaps that was why Fury had chosen him to be attaché.
"I've got an armored truck en route," said Ross. "We'll load Blonsky up and get him into containment."
"You think we can keep this thing locked up, sir?" said one of the soldiers.
"No, soldier, I think we can rehabilitate him. And even if we can't, he's still a valuable resource."
"I can't believe you!" said the dark-haired woman standing near him, her lovely features contorted in anger. Loki recognized her from the briefing materials. The daughter of Ross. "After what he just did to this city and all those innocent people, you still want to do this to more soldiers? What's it going to take for you to let this insanity go?"
"You think I sanctioned this?" Ross retorted, gesturing at the creature. "Blonsky was reckless. He didn't follow protocol or wait until there was a safe way to do it. He did this to himself."
"Blonsky was a cautionary tale! So was Bruce! Why aren't you listening? You can't keep doing this. It'll end the same way every time, but there isn't always going to be someone there to save you from yourself."
"Someone escort Dr. Ross to a hospital," said the general curtly. She glowered at him but allowed herself to be led away.
"I've heard enough," said Coulson. "If you can get Blonsky out of the general's clutches without anyone getting killed, do it."
The creature appeared to be effectively restrained by the enormous chains, but he—no, one glance was enough to reveal that Blonsky was most certainly now an it—was not unconscious. Its eyes roved around the men aiming their weapons at it, looking less like it had been beaten than that it was biding its time. So despite its grotesque form, it still had some measure of intelligence. The idea that Ross could rehabilitate it was laughable.
Loki considered for a moment. He couldn't simply kill it while it lay restrained. That would be too difficult to explain, and he suspected that even Coulson would not approve. But if it were to escape its restraints first…
He performed a combination of spells similar to the day before when Pierce asked everyone to give him and Fury a moment alone: he created a simulacrum to take his place while cloaking himself, and he slipped between the soldiers towards the creature and moved around to get a better look at the chains. Large they were, but they were only made of Midgardian steel. Loki summoned a dagger to his hand, and with a single motion, severed one of the links. The enormous hands immediately shifted under the chain. It could sense that they had weakened. Job done, Loki resumed his place, dispelled the simulacrum, and waited.
X
Barton had been right: with all the drones flying around it, the Stark Expo would have been difficult to miss. There was still a mile or so to go before they reached it, and the drones appeared to be swarming after two airborne figures. "Where shall I let you down?" Thor called over his shoulder.
"High rooftop, central location," said Barton. "Once I'm in position, feel free to do your thing. Hey, Nat, I'm coming in with that backup for you."
"Great," said Romanoff's voice. "Focus on the drones and clearing the park."
"Who's backup?" said Stark. "Are we talking more SHIELD agents or is this about that Avenger Initiative thing? Do we get the Hulk? Please tell me we get the Hulk."
"Tony, focus!" Rhodes.
"You still locked on?"
"Yeah."
"Drop your socks and grab your Crocs; we're about to get wet on this ride."
"Wait, wait, wait!"
Thor watched as Iron Man and War Machine flew narrowly through a large hollow globe structure, against which six of the clumsier pursuing drones exploded. He pushed Mjolnir to go faster. Of his Earth friends, it had been the longest since he'd seen Stark—not that he'd had much time to interact with any of the others during the battle—and that was the first time someone other than him had mentioned Avengers. Perhaps by the end of the night, five of the original six would be back together, with Loki on the right side this time. How much longer would it take before they found Rogers?
"This is a good spot," said Barton. Thor dropped them down carefully onto the indicated rooftop, and Barton unclipped the harness. Then he took flight again and slammed directly into a drone, knocking it out of the sky. It plowed into the pavement, narrowly missing several civilians. "Have you got a less messy strategy? I don't think you'll get that lucky twice."
"Apologies," said Thor. He spotted Iron Man just as War Machine collided with him in midair and they both fell through a glass dome not far from where he'd set Barton down. None of the drones were following yet, so Thor seized his chance. Perhaps they could draw all of them to that single location, as they had done with the Ultron bots. As he flew, he could hear a jumble of voices arguing over the comms. Something about Stark no longer being close to death, an omelette, and a 'Hammeroid attack,' which Thor had to assume was Allspeak having its usual difficulty with Stark's creative turns of phrase.
Thor landed inside the dome not far from where Iron Man was pulling War Machine to his feet. They both faced him, their masks open. "Well met, Stark, Rhodes. I am Thor Odinson, and I am here on behalf of SHIELD to join your battle."
"Uh…," said Rhodes.
"Hey Romanoff, what's the idea?" said Stark. "We don't have time for Shakespeare in the Park."
"What are you talking about?" said Romanoff.
"What's going on?" said a voice Thor thought might be the lady Pepper. "Who's there?"
"Some huge blond dude with a cape and a big-ass hammer," said Rhodes.
"Trust me, he's someone you want fighting on your team," said Barton.
"Okay, and who are you now?" said Stark.
"That's Agent Barton," said Romanoff.
"Oh, a coworker of yours? He hasn't already been working at Stark Industries for the last couple of weeks too, has he?"
"It might surprise you to know that SHIELD doesn't entirely revolve around you," said Romanoff.
"Uh, guys, this is fun, but you're about to get dogpiled," said Barton.
"We must make ready," said Thor.
"Too late," said Rhodes. The first of the drones landed inside the dome and was quickly joined by the rest. The masks on the suits closed over Stark's and Rhodes's faces.
"These are fun odds," said Stark.
"I know a way to improve them," said Thor. He raised Mjolnir high in the air, calling lightning to him, and directed it straight at Iron Man and War Machine. However, instead of humming with increased power, both suits toppled motionless onto the ground, while all around them, the drones began firing.
X
About five seconds passed, and then the creature let out a roar and burst free of its chains. All of the actual soldiers yelled and fired their weapons at it. It merely laughed and got slowly to its feet. They all retreated a few paces as their weapons began to make hollow clicking noises, leaving Loki the only one standing within a ten-foot radius of it. This did not escape its attention. It laughed again. "Brave little soldier. You think you stand a chance? The Hulk ran away. There's no one to save you now." His eyes flicked to Ross and he bared his teeth.
"The general is right, isn't he?" said Loki loudly. "You did this to yourself." He needed to make the creature more interested in attacking him than Ross and his men. Fortunately, that was something Loki was very practiced at.
"Get back, soldier!" said Ross. Loki and the creature both ignored him.
"I did," said the creature, lumbering closer with a menacing grin. "And it is magnificent."
"Oh," said Loki. "I see. Then becoming a sexless golem was intentional. To each his own, but I'm not sure gaining bony spikes on one's spine is a fair trade for the loss of genitalia. Or was there never anything between your legs to begin with?"
With a furious roar, it lunged for Loki, who leapt up, planted his boot on its head, and pushed off at an angle so that he would land facing its back. Before it could react, he planted two Nidavellir daggers to the hilt in its lower spine. They slid in easily enough (unlike the noisy but completely ineffective weapons the mortals had used), and the roar became one of pain, but the creature did not immediately collapse, as anything whose spinal column had just been severed should. Apparently he hadn't cut deeply enough. It turned around and fixed him with its blood-shot glare.
"Oh, shit," he said. He wasn't fast enough to avoid being seized in one large hand, and then he was flying through the air. He went crashing through the stone column several yards away and came to a rolling stop somewhere amid the rubble.
"Loki!" said Coulson in his ear, sounding horrified. "Are you alright?"
"Not to worry," he grumbled, getting to his feet and dusting off his clothing. The impact had dispelled his disguise. He noted irritably that he had acquired a few scrapes here and there. He had so wanted to still be in pristine condition when he met back up with his brother. "I did more damage to the column than it did to me." If knives and a beating from the Hulk weren't enough to finish this monster off, then he was going to need to try a different approach.
The creature was now bearing down on the mortals, so Loki reformed his disguise, seized the largest intact chunk of brick within reach, and lobbed it at its head. It struck its mark, and the creature halted and turned. Cupping his hands around his mouth, Loki did something he was glad Thor was not there to see. "IS THAT THE BEST YOU CAN DO?!" he shouted. He waited a few seconds to be sure it was angry enough to pursue him before turning tail and sprinting for the building he had dropped down onto moments before. "Heimdall?" he called as he scaled the metal steps back up to the roof.
"Heim-what?" said Coulson.
"Yes, my prince?" the familiar calm, deep voice replied in his head.
"You will have my eternal gratitude if you show me the precise location of the nearest Bifrost site."
"What? Who are you talking to?"
"That's quite the enemy you've found," said Heimdall. "Looking for a quick escape?"
He glanced over his shoulder and saw that the creature was crouching in preparation for a leap that looked like it would carry it all the way up to the roof. It was certainly inconveniently quick on its feet. "Something like that."
"The place is called Kingsbridge."
"How appropriate." As he gained the rooftop and began sprinting across it, Loki's immediate surroundings vanished, his vision taken over by Heimdall to show him the way across the city to a small park. A patch of ground at the center of a clearing glowed gold with the Bifrost's designs. The effect ended just in time for Loki to leap to the next rooftop, and when he looked over his shoulder, he saw the creature airborne right behind him. Somehow, he had to reach a point some six miles to the northeast before it could catch him, all without letting it kill any mortals. He hoped Thor was having much less fun, whatever he was doing. This was entirely his fault.
X
"What the hell was that, Thor?" said Barton's voice in his ear. "Those are the guys you're supposed to be helping!"
"What? But...but I thought I was helping!" Thor spluttered as he slammed his hammer into drone after drone, their primitive projectiles bouncing off his skin and armor like hail. These were far less impressive robotic foes than Ultron had been. "Stark! Rhodes! Are you well?"
"How could you possibly think hitting them with lightning would be helpful?" said Barton.
"I only thought to increase their power!" said Thor, flinging Mjolnir in a line so that it crashed through several more drones before returning to his hand. "The suits are powered by electrical energy, are they not?"
"Yeah," Stark grunted. He was still lying facedown on the ground, so his voice was muffled, but he was plainly alive and unhurt. "Doesn't mean lightning is healthy for 'em."
Thor felt completely wrongfooted. He'd supercharged various Iron Man suits numerous times since the skirmish over Loki that had been his and Stark's first meeting. It had always worked!
"Maybe that was something you should've thought about before all these guys who fight using electricity showed up," Rhodes muttered. He, too, sounded unharmed.
"Yeah, thanks," said Stark. "It was already on the upgrade list, but I've been a little busy synthesizing a new element and not realizing Hammer Time here existed or that Vanko was still alive."
Thor groaned before headbutting an approaching drone, sending it crashing into the far wall of the enclosure. He could have kicked himself for his folly. He had been so accustomed to the capabilities of Stark's suits that it had never occurred to him his lightning might damage an earlier model, but he should have known better. Stark in the time Thor had known him had constantly been thinking of upgrades for his technology. It had been foolish to assume that the ability to convert electrical attacks into energy for the suit had always been part of the design.
"You have my deepest apologies," he grunted while tearing the arms off another drone after hurling Mjolnir at two that had been aiming for Iron Man. "Are the suits damaged beyond repair?"
"Nope, I think it—yeah, booting up now. Welcome back, JARVIS." Thor looked around and saw that crushed or dismembered drones littered their surroundings. Some still sparked or twitched, but none was intact enough to continue attacking. He helped Iron Man and War Machine to their feet.
"You took all those things down by yourself?" said Rhodes.
"Of course," said Thor. "I want to help however I can."
"Then you better get back out here," said Barton. "I could use some eyes in the sky in case any of these drones gets up while we're clearing out the civilians."
"Hold up," said Romanoff, "You got one more drone incoming. This one looks different. The repulsor signature is significantly higher."
"Yeah, I see it. Not sure that's a drone," said Barton.
"Get going, Thunderstruck," said Stark. "We got this."
Thor nodded and whirled Mjolnir overhead.
X
To the creature's obvious and very entertaining frustration, it was unable to lay hands on Loki again despite its superior speed. Whenever it drew too close for comfort, Loki simply ducked to the side and left a simulacrum running in his place. When the creature seemed to catch on to this strategy, he complicated it even further by using multiple copies. In this way, Loki was able to lead it mostly along rooftops or through deserted alleys towards Kingsbridge. But with all his tricks, he still only managed to gain about ten seconds on his enemy by the time he reached the spot Heimdall had shown him. He did not waste them. He reached into his dimensional pocket and withdrew six small throwing knives and flung them into the dirt in a circle, marking the edges of the Bifrost site. "Make ready, Heimdall," he said.
"Yes, my prince."
No sooner had Heimdall replied than the creature came crashing into the park. The few mortals in the vicinity screamed and fled, leaving them with no audience. There was also no sign of SHIELD's flying craft, which was good. Loki didn't want it anywhere near the area just now. He stepped forward out of the circle of knives.
"What are you?" said the creature. "Where did you get this power? What else has Ross been hiding from me?" There was as much greed in its eyes as there was anger.
"Oh, this didn't come from Ross." Loki grinned and shed his mortal disguise. Then, deciding to do the thing properly, he added his full ceremonial regalia. "I am Loki Odinson, God of Mischief, second prince of Asgard." He raised his helmeted head high, the grin fading into a scornful sneer. "This power is my birthright. You could travel to the ends of the universe and never gain what I already possessed as an infant."
The creature snarled, then lunged. It passed right through yet another simulacra, which vanished, and went sprawling, its head, shoulders, and right arm landing inside the circle Loki had marked. A split second later, the brilliant column of energy came roaring down. The creature's legs and left arm flailed briefly before going limp and beginning to shrink. The Bifrost ended, leaving its mark burned into the ground and three-quarters of a naked human corpse lying beside it.
Ahahaha, I cannot tell you how happy I am to have found another opportunity to make a Deus ex Machina pun title. It's basically my favorite thing to do.
So this idea for how Thor and Loki would interact with the climaxes of IM2 and Incredible Hulk was basically the reason I decided to write more of this fic instead of leaving it as a one-shot. Initially, I thought there wouldn't be anything fun or interesting for them to do, but oh boy was I wrong. :D I got this mental image of Thor joining in to fight Hammer drones and then accidentally frying Tony and Rhodey's suits when he meant to power them up. Whoops! (Also, if Thor can take on the power of a dying star and only end up a bit sooty, he is definitely bulletproof.)
It took a while longer to work out what would happen with Loki and Abomination, but I'm super happy with that side of things too. One of the most irritating things about Incredible Hulk for me is that Betty stops Hulk from killing Abomination, and then he just kinda leaves him there, even though he's still awake and there's no one else who stands a chance against him. How did that not end badly? I'm so confused. Also, that's not even how it ended in the original script. In the original script, Hulk straight up breaks Abomination's neck. Which would have been far more sensible, but I suppose it was too dark or whatever. So it was fun to have Loki fix that nonsense, and it was even more fun to have him comment on Abomination's...anatomical inadequacy, because that was such a weird design choice for the filmmakers to make when they could have simply given Blonsky improbably stretchy pants too.
Next chapter will conclude the crossover stuff for those two movies, and the Brodinsons will probably head home for a super uncomfortable family chat not long after that.