Loki quickly departed the bare laboratory and stepped out into the street, not particularly keen to be present for the moment when Sterns met his fate. By his guess, it would be rather messy. He didn't bother to disguise himself; all the mortals in the vicinity were too preoccupied with the wreckage the creature had left in its wake to notice anything as inconsequential as unusual clothing.

"Loki?" said Coulson. "Did we lose you?"

"I've been to Dr. Sterns's laboratory," said Loki. "Do try to keep up."

"We found what's left of Blonsky. Effective, yet gross. Are you leaving the lab now? We still need to get his materials before Ross has a chance to requisition them."

"Already taken care of," said Loki. Some of the people he passed were in military garb, but they paid him no more mind than the civilians.

"What do you mean, 'taken care of'?" said Coulson, the slightest hint of apprehension in his tone. Loki wondered what it would take to actually crack the man's mild façade.

"There is nothing left for Ross to use. I have emptied the lab."

"Emptied it how? It's only been fifteen minutes. What, did you throw everything in a bag of holding?"

"Bag of—no, it's in a dimensional pocket," said Loki, puzzled by the term.

"Oh," said Coulson. "Sounds handy. Can you fit anything in there?"

"The limits are set by how much energy one is willing to invest. Something I underestimated once as a boy."

"What happened?"

"My mother found me unconscious and bleeding from the nose and ears beneath half the contents of the palace larder, which put paid to Thor's and my plans to sneak off on a grand adventure that week."

"I'm guessing you two were kind of a handful."

"She certainly didn't earn the title Goddess of Motherhood for nothing."

"Well, ready to rendez-vous?"

"I still have an objective to complete. And you might want to drop by the lab in the meantime."

"Why's that? I thought it was empty."

"Sterns is there. Blonsky isn't the only one he experimented on, though he did say this was an accident."

"Wait, what?" said Coulson, but Loki had removed his earpiece and dropped it into the dimensional pocket too.

"Heimdall?"

"Banner is traveling northwest," said the Gatekeeper promptly. "You won't be able to catch him on foot."

"I never expected to. Have Thor meet me there, if he can." With that, still in the middle of the street, Loki performed a spell that would have given any other mage from Asgard, Vanaheim, or even Alfheim great difficulty, but which he had been able to do as easily as breathing for as long as he could remember: he shifted his form, trading it for that of an Asgardian horned owl, and flew up over the buildings and into the open air.

X

Thor flew back to the rooftop where he'd left Barton, who grinned when he saw him. "That was a little shaky at first, but I think you stuck the landing okay."

"Then you know it was not my intent to harm Stark or Rhodes?"

"Nah, you tore those drones apart like they were tin foil. I'm pretty sure you could kick all of our asses without breaking a sweat if you wanted to, but you didn't."

"Nor will I," said Thor. "I would have all of you for friends, not merely allies."

"I think I actually believe that," said Barton.

Thor's mouth fell open, then lifted in a delighted smile. "You do me a great honor, Agent Barton!" He moved forward and pulled Barton into a hug before the man could do more than grunt in protest.

"Yeah, yeah, put me down."

Thor let go of him and stepped back. As he did, Heimdall's voice sounded in his mind. "My prince, your brother requests that I relay a message to you."

"Tell me the message," said Thor. Barton frowned at him.

"He has defeated Blonsky and emptied the laboratory of Samuel Sterns, and he is now in pursuit of Dr. Banner."

"I will help him," said Thor. "Where is Banner?"

"Did your earpiece switch chan—holy shit," said Barton. Thor barely noticed, for Heimdall had taken over his sight and was showing him the way to Banner. He was beyond the city and barreling through the forest to the northwest, still in Hulk form, with a helicopter hot on his heels. The vision vanished and his present surroundings reappeared, including a very alarmed-looking Barton.

"What was that?"

"My brother is closing in on the Hulk. I must go to him."

Barton tapped his earpiece. "Nat, you got this? Thor and I have to get back to the other situation."

X

Though the Hulk had covered at least another mile of forest by the time Thor flew with Barton to the place Heimdall had shown him, it was not difficult to track him farther, as he was leaving a wide trail of broken branches and overturned earth that was clearly visible from the air.

They weren't near enough to see exactly what happened, but the helicopter must have become too vexing for Hulk to ignore, for the craft in the air ahead of them suddenly listed dramatically to the left. A second later, something large struck it, and it began spinning out of control and losing altitude. A few seconds later they saw that it no longer had a tail, and the Hulk was on the ground, bellowing and brandishing an uprooted tree as though ready to hurl it at anything else that came after him.

Thor landed not far from the helicopter. "Help them!" he told Barton, jerking his harness free. The Hulk was stomping closer to the downed craft, and though Thor had hoped to make a friendlier first impression, there was nothing for it if those humans were to survive. Hoping to draw Hulk to the side, he threw Mjolnir so that it would clip him on the shoulder. It hit its mark, and Hulk's gaze moved from the helicopter to Thor. He bared his teeth in a dully puzzled sort of grimace, but then Mjolnir struck him again on its way back to Thor's hand. He roared and threw the tree in his hands. Thor didn't move quickly enough, and the trunk caught him right in his middle, sending him tumbling over and over around it for about a hundred feet.

He tossed the tree aside and bounded to his feet, a grin on his face. He probably shouldn't be enjoying this as much as he was, but he couldn't help it. Now that he had Hulk's attention, he wouldn't be using Mjolnir, which surely made him look too much like a threat. There was no lullaby to calm Hulk at this point in time, but maybe an open offer of peace would still have some effect. And if not, perhaps this was an opportunity to prove that he would've won that tournament battle if it hadn't been for the stupid obedience disk.

"Hulk!" he called. "I'm not here to hurt you! I only want to help you get away from Ross!"

The chance of words having any impact on Hulk was always a long shot, but the men in the helicopter chose that moment to prove they had survived by firing a round of bullets at him. He roared again and started towards them.

"No, you fools!" Thor yelled. "Barton, make them stop!" He ran as hard as he could. Hulk was mere yards from Barton and four battered, terrified soldiers clutching their weapons when Thor tackled him from the side.

X

Loki alighted on a large tree branch on the perimeter of the brand new forest clearing his brother and the green beast had created. He shifted back into his usual form and regarded the brawl with raised eyebrows. "Well I'm not getting in the middle of that," he muttered. After a few moments, he noticed that Thor wasn't using Mjolnir. It sat waiting at the center of the field while Thor mainly relied on his fists, and it swiftly became apparent that he did not have the upper hand without his hammer.

Resigned, Loki hopped down from the tree. Whether Thor was trying to prove that he could win against his former friend with strength alone or he was simply reluctant to harm him, this had gone on long enough.

X

Once more, Thor found himself on the ground, Hulk's fists raining down on his head and torso. He was done holding back. Through the pain, he attempted to summon his lightning as he had done on Sakaar and again in the final battle against Hela. It wouldn't come. He could feel it pulsing and crackling just beyond his reach, but try as he might, he could not touch it, and blow after blow continued to fall. The list of things he needed to discuss with Father was growing, but right now, there was nothing for it. He would have to summon Mjolnir.

"STOP!" cried a voice from somewhere off to the side, and Hulk actually stopped. He turned to face the voice. Thor rolled to the side and spat out some blood before looking up. A fair woman with dark hair and almost elfin features stood nearby—the woman Coulson had described in the briefing. Betty Ross.

Thor couldn't help feeling a little petulant. "I was about to win, you know."

"I'm sure you were," Betty muttered, not taking her eyes off Hulk, who snarled and glared at Thor again. "Bruce, please! He's not like the men who came after you. He's a friend."

Hulk glowered down at Thor, who managed a smile around his stinging split lip and held up his hands. Hulk turned to Betty. She walked closer and reached up to touch his face. "It's okay," she said. "They won't chase you anymore." She wrapped her arms around his enormous neck as best she could. To Thor's amazement, Hulk began to shrink, the green receding from his skin.

X

When Bruce came to himself, his nose was full of the smell of Betty's shampoo, and his arms were full of Betty. He stared over her shoulder in bewilderment at the wreckage of a forest around them. How did they get out of the city? Where were the general and his men?

"I'm sorry," said Betty, gently disengaging from the embrace.

"For what?" said Bruce, hastily grabbing the waistband of his ruined pants so they wouldn't fall to the ground.

She walked over to an enormous, long-haired blond man in leather armor and a cape, and pulled him easily to his feet with one hand. He brushed bits of grass and dirt off himself and offered Bruce a wincing, slightly bloody grin. Before Bruce could ask Betty who the hell this guy was, a green-gold shimmer passed over her. The next second, a 6'2" man with nearly the same coloring as Betty stood in her place, wearing...he didn't even know how to describe it, except that it looked simultaneously more expensive and more anachronistic than any medieval costume he'd ever seen. "Forgive my deception," said the man, "but it didn't look like your fight with my brother was going to end anytime soon, and your alter-ego seems to respond well to Dr. Ross."

"Where's Betty?" said Bruce. "What did you do with her?"

"Nothing at all, I assure you," said the man. "Her father had her escorted to a hospital because he didn't want to listen to the excellent argument she was making. She's perfectly safe."

"Oh." Much of his renewed feelings of hostility left him, replaced by confusion. "Then...how did you change your appearance and voice like that?"

"It was hardly as dramatic a change as yours," said the man.

Annoyance joined confusion, but he was distracted when the blond man stuck his right hand out to the side and a ridiculously huge hammer flew into it, which he casually dropped onto a hook on his belt. "Who are you guys?"

"Thor and Loki Odinson," said the blond man, wiping his mouth. "It's an honor to meet you, Dr. Banner."

Bruce stared around at all the splintered and uprooted trees in every direction. "Am I drugged in a lab somewhere and hallucinating? I thought I was fighting one of Ross's guys in the city."

"You were," said Loki. "But you left him alive and conscious in the heart of the city, bound only by chains. Hardly a permanent solution. Is it common practice among Earth warriors to leave extremely dangerous and unreasonable enemies alive even when you lack suitable containment?"

"Uh...it's not exactly a situation most people encounter," said Bruce. "Or want on their conscience."

"Terribly sloppy. You'll be happy to know I rectified the situation."

"I told you you'd be more than a match for that beast," said Thor, grinning and punching Loki on the shoulder.

"Yes, whereas you ended up taking quite the beating."

"I would've won!"

"Clearly debatable. And how about the Stark Expo?"

Thor looked sheepish. "I might've...nearly electrocuted Stark and Rhodes, but I did destroy many robots and helped a young boy find his family."

"Well done," said Loki sarcastically.

Something Loki had said finally penetrated Bruce's confusion. "Wait a second, did you say 'Earth warriors'? What does that make you?"

"We are not of this world," said Thor. "We are the princes of Asgard. We've come to Earth to forge an alliance."

"So I'm supposed to believe that two random guys with British accents and weird medieval fantasy outfits are really some kind of...of alien princes? Was the transformation thing some kind of trick?"

"There are many who say that everything I do is a trick," said Loki. "Why do you think I am known as the God of Mischief? But surely this field of battle is proof enough of Thor's identity."

"Right," said Bruce, adjusting his grip on his waistband. "Well, I'm kind of a fugitive from the military, so if you'll excuse me…"

"To go where?" said Loki.

Banner stopped looking for the easiest path out of the destroyed forest and stared at him.

"The good people at SHIELD have told us about you, Robert Bruce Banner. You had purpose, respect, position. The love of a good woman. And all of that ended after one experiment gone wrong. All you have left is this power you do not want. You run from it as much as from those who covet it."

As he spoke, Bruce's irritation gradually gave way to a weary kind of tension. "What do you want?" he said.

"We want to help you," said Thor.

"Help me?" Bruce repeated.

"We cannot restore what you have lost, nor can we free you from the curse your science placed upon you," said Loki. "However, in a few days, Thor and I will return to Asgard. If you come with us, you will be far beyond the reach of your pursuers."

Thor looked at Loki in surprise. "You want to take him home with us?"

"Why not? Coulson said SHIELD wanted to give Banner space. I see no reason why we shouldn't take that literally."

Bruce couldn't help it. He burst out laughing. "Okay, this is all too crazy to be a lie any sane person would tell, so let's pretend for a second I believe you guys. My own government has been chasing me for years. They want to do...this," he gestured at himself, "to other people. Weaponize it. I'm betting they still do, even after what happened in the city."

"You know Ross well," said Loki. "But he may find he lacks the materials to achieve that ambition after tonight."

"All the more reason for you to go where he cannot follow," said Thor.

"You're working with SHIELD? Why should I believe that a secret intelligence agency is trying to protect me from the military? Why should I believe that a couple of aliens are trying to protect me from the military?"

"Because, my dear doctor," said Loki, "Asgard already has more than enough berserker warriors. Our science and technology are aeons ahead of yours. There is nothing new you can show us. I cannot vouch for SHIELD, but you would not have to answer to them on Asgard either."

"As a royal guest," said Thor, "you would be as free to roam as any citizen, you would have access to the kind of knowledge your world's scholars will take millennia to amass, and you will have the peace of knowing that your surroundings are durable enough to withstand an unexpected rampage."

"What is more," said Loki. "You would have full control over your Mr. Blue's illicit equipment and materials." He flicked his hand, and something appeared in it, which he tossed to Bruce, who managed to catch it despite his surprise. It was one of the bags of blood from Sterns's lab. "It will be yours to use or destroy as you see fit." He waved his hand again and the blood bag vanished in a flash of greenish-gold light.

Bruce stared at the two of them. He was still struggling to believe that this was real, despite the evidence. If there had just been two alien princes who wanted to use him like everyone else did, that would have been easy enough to swallow, but the possibility of freedom and no longer being a danger to everyone around him? The realization that those things were gone forever had been enough to make him eat a bullet. Or try to. His throat felt tight and his chest ached. Did he dare let himself hope?

"Wouldn't you like to be able to stop running," said Loki, "at least for a while?"

Bruce didn't answer. He was torn. It would be completely insane to trust them, but he had never wanted anything as badly as what they offered.

"You don't have to decide right now," said Thor. "We will find you when we are ready to return home, and you can give us your answer then."

"Perhaps I could make it a bit easier for you to evade the general's clutches in the meantime?" said Loki.

"What do you mean?" said Bruce warily.

"Nothing too dramatic," said Loki. "You'd still look like a mortal man, and it wouldn't be permanent."

X

Triskelion

"I still fail to see the problem," said Loki, once Thor finished his account. "Agent Coulson told us that SHIELD wanted to keep Banner and the materials and research of Samuel Sterns out of General Ross's hands. All of this, we have done. If you had different plans, how were we to know?" He met Alexander Pierce's gaze with a perfectly bland expression. He could almost hear the man's blood pressure rising.

"You can't deny that offering to take Dr. Banner and all that research off-world is a pretty damn unorthodox way of fulfilling your objective," said Fury.

"And you can't deny that it is an effective one," Loki retorted.

Fury glared at him for a second or two, then let out a chuckle.

"Nick," said Pierce. His tone carried restraint and warning.

"What, Pierce? We wanted them to prove they were our allies, not our tools. I'd say that's exactly what they did. From where I'm sitting, they're already more reliable than Stark, and Coulson and Barton both vouched for them. If Banner wants to go to Asgard, that's his choice, and I like that idea much better than having to keep doing damage control whenever Ross gets too close to him."

"How is Banner supposed to protect Earth against its enemies if he isn't on it?" said Pierce.

"How can any of us ask for Banner's aid in the coming battles if we have done nothing for him?" Thor shot back. "My brother and I have offered him a place to learn control without fear of pursuit or of doing further harm. He can return whenever he likes, and he will be free to bring with him any knowledge he gains from Asgard when he does."

This seemed to give Pierce pause—though Loki suspected it was more because he couldn't think of an argument against it than that he actually agreed. "And what about Sitwell's report?" he said.

"What about it?" said Fury. "It didn't contradict anything in Coulson's or Barton's."

"No," said Pierce, "but he had concerns about their habit of speaking a language we can't understand when they talk to each other."

It was a weak argument, and even Pierce seemed aware of it. Of course, if he knew that Thor and Loki hadn't merely been speaking their native tongue, but were deliberately communicating in a way no one else would understand so that they could discuss how to handle him and the other Hydra operatives, he might have been more confident in his objection.

"I'd like to move forward with this," said Fury.

Pierce kept his reaction down to a grimace as he got to his feet. "Fine. It looks like I need to brief the World Council on our new alliance." He shot Thor and Loki a tight smile and left the room.

"It will be our honor to fight alongside the warriors of Earth, Director Fury," said Thor. "We will be sure to inform you when we know more about the movements of the Dokkalfar army or the Mad Titan."

"Yeah, about that," said Fury. "Now that I've got a pretty good idea of what you guys can do, I'd like to talk to you about the Avenger Initiative."

Loki fully expected that Thor would be so excited to hear Fury utter those words that he would have to throw up an illusion to keep him from ruining all semblance of pretense, but he was wrong. "Before you do," said Thor, who looked as serious as Loki had ever seen him, "I must request something of you that you will not like, but please trust that that it is only a request, not a threat, and I make it in the hope of sparing the Earth from great destruction and suffering in the coming years."

"What's that?" said Fury, arching an eyebrow.

"Our father battled the Mad Titan long before we were born," said Thor, and Loki suddenly knew where Thor was going with this. He was not at all sure it was wise, but there was nothing he could do about that now. "It was a long, bloody war, and it ended with Thanos in retreat. The reason they fought was that Thanos coveted one of Asgard's treasures. The Tesseract. One of the six Infinity Stones he seeks."

"Those things you said he would use to destroy half the universe?" said Fury.

"Yes," said Thor. "After the war, Father hid the Tesseract away on Earth, among primitive mortals who could not use it, where Thanos would never think to seek it. I fear it is no longer safe here, but more importantly, Earth is not safe as long as it remains. It has been disturbed by humans, and it will call Thanos to it like a beacon. He has been marshalling his forces and planning for another attempt on it since his defeat at Odin's hands, and soon he will come for it with his armies."

"So where does this big request of yours come in?" said Fury.

"Allow us to return the Tesseract to Asgard. With it gone, Thanos will have no reason to attack Earth, and our defenses will be strong enough to deter him until we can find a safer hiding place for it."

Loki kept his eyes on Fury with difficulty. Thor was lying. Loki was astonished—not least because he was actually doing a passably good job of it. But where was the deception? It was true that Thanos would be less interested in a world that held no Infinity Stone...unless the Tesseract wasn't the only one on Midgard?

Fury looked thoughtful. "I could pretend I don't know what or where this Tesseract of yours is, but I think that would be a waste of all of our time. Shiny blue cube, about yea big?" He held his hands a few inches apart.

Thor nodded.

"You know, a very dangerous man got a hold of that thing a few decades ago and wreaked a lot of havoc with it," said Fury. "Why wasn't Asgard interested in getting it back then?"

"I assume you're referring to Johann Schmidt," said Loki. "He came up in a few of our council meetings. Asgard was prepared to act, but our aid proved to be unnecessary after Schmidt was thwarted by some of your own soldiers."

"I'm sure you and your people have far purer intentions than he did," said Thor, "but that is immaterial. If you are using it, Thanos can find it."

"It wasn't just Schmidt," said Fury, his eye narrowing. "You mentioned the Kree the other day, but I didn't see any Asgardians sixteen years ago when the Kree came looking for the Tesseract and fired missiles at this planet."

"You know of that?" said Thor, surprised.

"I was just a supervising officer back then, but I was there," said Fury, folding his arms and leaning back in his chair.

"Ronan the Accuser committed a gross violation of intergalactic rules of engagement that day," said Loki. "Asgard was mobilizing to Midgard's defense the moment his ships arrived, but shortly after raising the alarm, our Gatekeeper reported that the threat was gone."

"Successful or not, that attack was an act of war, and war was what we were ready to give the Kree," said Thor. He had been nearly as furious and impatient for battle then as when his coronation had been disrupted. It hadn't been the first time the Kree Accusers tested Asgard's restraint.

"Yes," said Loki. "But for the Kree, war with Asgard would have meant war with the Nova Empire as well—neighbors of theirs with whom they were hostile and we have long had a cordial relationship. They proposed to sever all ties with the one responsible for the attack, submit to trade restrictions, and cease their harassment of several Nova holdings in exchange for clemency. Our father accepted, and afterward, we set up protections around the jump points near Earth to dissuade others from attempting a similar attack."

Fury watched them silently for a long moment. Then he sighed. "Even if you're telling the truth, I can't just hand the Tesseract over to a couple guys who showed up two days ago."

"We are happy to give you as much time to consider as you require," said Loki. "But bear in mind that Thanos will not be so generous."

Okay, so Thor vs. Hulk was pretty inconclusive, but that's only because Thor was going easy on him. He doesn't want to hurt him. If he didn't hold back, he'd win, with or without Mjolnir and lightning.

I know Thor said in TDW, "Of the two of us, which one can actually fly," but if Loki can turn into a snake and turn Thor into a frog, then there's no reason he can't also turn into something with wings.

In case you were wondering, Loki made Bruce (who will always be Mark Ruffalo in my fics) look like Edward Norton, because why not. And I will never apologize for describing Betty as having "elfin" features. XD

Oh hey, I think Thor and Loki might finally be done introducing themselves to characters Thor already knows! I was getting really tired of writing the same conversation over and over, but none of them felt skippable.

Up next, party at Tony's, and everyone's invited!

12/11/20 edit: added the bit at the end where Fury asks the bros where Asgard was when the Kree attacked Earth in the '90s.