When Stark had first tossed out his offhand invitation, Thor had imagined there would be revelry like at Avengers Tower before Ultron's initial attack, with many future Avengers and prominent SHIELD agents present. However, with Barton and Romanoff on assignment, Banner on the run, and Rogers under the ice, it was only Thor, Loki, and Coulson who set out for Stark's clifftop mansion the day after the debriefing, and they found the place mostly silent.
Thor had never been to his friend's home in the original timeline, as it had already been destroyed by the time he was spending more than a few days at a stretch on Midgard. As strange as mortal dwellings usually were, this round, precariously perched cement structure was in a class all of its own—which meant that it suited Stark rather well.
As they crossed the odd front garden, beams of blue light flashed briefly over their faces and they were greeted by a familiar voice. "Good afternoon, gentlemen. I am JARVIS, Mr. Stark's user interface computer system." Thor's excitement at hearing Vision's voice died a swift death. He should have realized. It was only Stark's artificial manservant. It might not even be possible to create Vision in this timeline, as long as Thanos was in possession of the Mind Stone. But that also meant Ultron would not be created and Sokovia would remain intact. "Please, come in. Mr. Stark is just putting the finishing touches on the latest series of upgrades."
The glass door opened on its own and they walked inside. Thor assumed that this must normally be quite a nice place for Stark to live, but at the moment it was almost more rubble than house. A robot was wheeling around the area overlooking the sea, picking up pieces of broken wall and floor and placing them in a large container. It froze upon their approach, the fingers of its single appendage opening and closing in their direction. From this angle, Thor could read the word "dunce" on the conical hat it wore. He guffawed, and the robot's arm wilted a bit and it buzzed in a despondent sort of way.
"Was this house recently attacked?" said Loki.
"Mr. Stark and Colonel Rhodes had a minor disagreement after Mr. Stark's birthday festivities," said JARVIS. "Also, Mr. Stark preferred to construct his own particle accelerator on the premises rather than seeking more suitable facilities."
"Maybe that was because SHIELD put him on house-arrest," said Coulson.
"Considering that he broke your perimeter more than once before completing his work, I would not be so certain," said JARVIS.
Coulson seemed mildly annoyed by this, but didn't comment. Loki might have, except that a pair of voices were now drifting towards them from deeper in the house.
"—Still can't believe you let Justin Hammer put his dainty, callus-free charlatan hands on my suit."
"You could've just told me you wanted me to have it instead of pushing me and everyone else away."
"That's true. Not my best moment. I'll try to be less immature the next time I'm dying. But come on, did you really think you could have just climbed into the Mark II if it wasn't already calibrated for you to use? I practically gift-wrapped it for you, and—"
"Well who am I supposed to have weaponize the suit for military use when you're no longer our weapons contractor?"
"It didn't need to be weaponized!" Stark and Rhodes came into view, still bickering.
"Oh really? I thought it was a 'high-tech prosthesis', not a weapon," said Rhodes.
Stark opened his mouth, then hesitated, catching sight of his guests. "...Legally, I can't contradict that." He clapped his hands together. "Agent Coulson. Thought you got reassigned. Couldn't stay away?"
"I'm here with them," said Coulson. "I'm the Asgardian attaché now."
Stark's nose twitched. "Sounds official. Thunderstruck, good to see you again."
"And you as well," said Thor, beaming. He hoped very much that Stark would stick with this particular nickname. He knew its origins from the original timeline, and he vastly preferred it to Point Break.
"Is leather armor as casual as you get, or is this an eternal vigilance thing?" said Stark.
"Asgardian leathers are quite comfortable, I assure you," said Thor. "I do prefer them to cloth most of the time, though are we not to spar later?"
"I guess so," said Stark, giving Thor a look like he couldn't quite figure him out. Then his gaze shifted to Loki, and Thor immediately stepped closer to him, his smile widening.
"Allow me to introduce my brother, Loki Odinson, Prince of Asgard and God of Mischief."
It was a bit more introduction than he usually offered, and based on the funny look Loki shot him, that hadn't gone unnoticed, but he stuck out his hand to clasp forearms with Stark and Rhodes nonetheless. "Well met, Mr. Stark, Colonel Rhodes. Thor has spoken highly of you both."
"Thanks, man," said Rhodes.
"Heard about what went down in Harlem while your big bro was busy electrocuting us in Queens," said Stark. Thor had to suppress a squawk of protest, knowing very well how Stark liked to goad people and that he rarely did so with any real rancor. "I'm guessing it was you who chopped that roid rage monster in half with a wormhole."
"It seemed the expedient solution when stabbing it proved less fatal than I'd hoped," said Loki. Thor could tell he was pleased—it must have taken Stark some effort to acquire that much information about those events. He could have jumped up and down on the spot like a child, he was so excited. His plans were working! Loki was going to be an Avenger, and the other Avengers were going to welcome him!
"Kinda flashy," said Rhodes, "but zero casualties over that kind of distance against such a destructive opponent? That's some impressive work."
"I would have been satisfied with nothing less," said Loki, with a slight nod to Rhodes.
"So can I get you guys anything?" said Stark, turning and beginning to lead the way back in the direction from which he and Rhodes had come. The rest of them followed. "Roast boar? Barrel of mead?"
"You have those?" said Loki, whom Thor knew was as tired of the Triskelion's mess hall as he was.
"No," said Stark, "but I'm a billionaire. I can get whatever food I want. JARVIS?"
"I've contacted a catering company, sir. They will be here in an hour."
"Great. Should give us enough time to run the tests."
X
The time between their arrival at the mansion and the arrival of the first decent food they'd eaten on Midgard was spent alternating between Stark's workshop and the courtyard. Thor would strike a suit of Stark's armor with lightning, and Stark would then assess the effects and return to the workshop for further tinkering and calibration. Within the first two tests, the suits were absorbing the electricity effectively, but Stark would clearly be satisfied with nothing less than perfection.
The technology was barely noteworthy to Loki. It might be merely centuries behind Asgard's, rather than millennia behind like nearly everything else on this realm, but it was still obsolete and limited to what could be done without seidr. No, he was far more interested in watching Stark's mind at work than he was in the technology itself. Stark was a man who could have sat back and lived at the height of his world's comfort and luxury without ever lifting a finger, and yet he seemed positively hungry to dive in and perform the manual labor with his own two hands, and he was obviously a courageous warrior as well. Failure was merely an interesting problem to be solved, rather than a source of discouragement, and he was not so set in his ways as to be incapable of adapting.
Loki compared what he observed of this man with Bruce Banner, who had gained a terrible power by mistake but had no interest in using it for his own benefit. He sought instead to keep it out of the hands of those who would abuse it, and he sacrificed his own hopes and happiness to protect others from the damage he could wreak.
It was easy to understand why a more humble Thor valued Stark's and Banner's companionship so highly, even outside of their worth on the battlefield. This realization might have given rise to envy, except for the way Thor was so transparently keen for Loki and Stark to befriend each other. It was actually starting to be annoying, but just as the urge to stab was rising, Rhodes unwittingly intervened. "How fast can you fly using that hammer?" he asked.
"I've never really measured it," said Thor, running a hand through his hair. "The only thing faster on Asgard is our father's eight-legged stallion, Sleipnir."
"You must be proud," said Stark with a wry glance at Loki.
Loki's expression flattened. This was one of the reasons Midgard was among his least favorite realms to visit. "Why, because I supposedly gave birth to him?"
Rhodes, who had just raised a glass of mead to his lips, spat a mouthful of it all over the War Machine suit. Coulson merely gave a light cough and lifted his eyebrows.
"I would not set much store by what your tales say of us, Stark," said Thor, slapping him on the back. He managed to do it delicately enough not to knock the man on his face, but he still winced. "Our uncles presented Sleipnir to Odin when he came of age, long before he even met our mother."
"Uh, great," said Rhodes, having hastily wiped the mead off his suit. "So, wanna have a race?"
"Of course!" said Thor brightly.
"I'll referee," said Coulson, and before Loki knew it, he was alone in the workshop with Stark.
"Anything else you think you already know about me?" he asked testily. If Stark uttered so much as a word about a game of tug-of-war or a goat, he was definitely going to stab him, frail mortal or not.
"Nah, never really got into Norse mythology, but that part sticks out." He had served himself a plate of roast boar and an assortment of greens, but was too busy tinkering with the boot of one of his suits to pay it any attention. "What does it mean to be the God of Mischief?"
Loki relaxed slightly. "Mostly it means thinking of unconventional solutions, going places and learning things I shouldn't, and making fools of those who think too highly of themselves."
"Sounds like a good time," said Stark. "Hand me that ratchet?" He pointed at one of the numerous tools lying on a table closer to where Loki was standing. Loki flicked a finger and the thing shot into Stark's hand. Stark was so focused on his task that it took a few seconds for him to realize what had just happened. Then he froze, staring at the ratchet. "Did you just—?"
"What?" said Loki innocently.
"You can move stuff with your mind?"
"When I'd rather not use my hands."
"How? Some kind of implant or cognitive interface?"
Loki frowned at him. That sounded barbaric. "No, with magic."
"Magic as in technology so advanced I wouldn't understand it?" said Stark. "Don't patronize me, man. I synthesized a new element this week."
"Magic as in seidr," said Loki. "True aptitude and mastery are rare, but it is an inborn ability the Aesir and many other long-lived races possess in some form, which allows us to exert our will on reality. Thor has the most powerful raw elemental seidr I've ever seen, but he never had the patience to learn to shape it into anything else, or perhaps it's simply too unwieldy for it."
"Yeah, yeah, that's great, but how does it work? You can't just say something's magic and that you're born with it or you're not. That doesn't explain anything. What are the principles behind it? Do the laws of conservation of energy and mass apply, or are those not even universal laws at all? Is it biological, mechanical, psychosomatic? Does it have something to do with string theory? Please don't tell me it involves midichlorians."
Loki gaped at him. This was not the reaction he had expected. Generally, when he did magic in front of mortals, they were bewildered, impressed, and sometimes frightened. The results tended to be quite amusing. The more inquisitive, like Coulson, might be interested in seeing what else he could do. But not only had no mortal ever asked how it worked, he had never even so much as considered it in all his centuries of study, nor was he aware of anyone else who had. To the Aesir, seidr simply was. Loki knew exactly how much power he had at his disposal, how to ration it out for what he wanted to accomplish in any given situation, and how long it would take him to recover. He had learned thousands of spells and devised hundreds of his own. Seidr was as integral a part of him as his own heartbeat. And yet he had not the faintest notion of what made this wondrous power work. As far as he knew, no one in the nine realms did.
He became dimly aware that Stark was still spouting questions. Unable to answer them and unable to think through his bafflement with the noise, Loki waved his hand and focused briefly on his intended spell. His seidr responded as it always did, regardless of this intellectual upheaval, and Stark yelped as a green-gold glow enveloped him.
X
The earliest Pepper was able to get away from Stark Industries was mid-afternoon, but to be fair, she rarely tried to get away early. Her life had gotten so crazy lately that she might as well be at Tony's house while he entertained a guest from another planet. Work, even in the role of CEO, was the only semi-normal thing she could hang onto.
She half-expected Tony to have thrown another party, so it came as a relief when the only extra car parked outside was one of those sleek, sturdy black SUVs with tinted windows that the SHIELD guys all seemed to love. She saw Agent Coulson standing near the edge of the cliff. She squinted. What was he doing? She hoped he hadn't been out here for long. Tony might've decided to lock him out in retaliation for the house-arrest.
"I'm gonna head inside," she said. "Can you talk to Agent Coulson and see if he needs anything?"
"Sure thing, boss," said Happy, eyes twinkling at her in the rearview mirror. She smiled back. He still wasn't over her being CEO, and he made a point of proudly calling her "boss" at every opportunity.
Inside, DUM-E was still picking up pieces of rubble. Pepper wondered what it had done this time to earn the dunce cap. She made her way downstairs, intrigued by the delicious smells. What kind of food had Tony ordered? She walked into the workshop and froze. Instead of Tony, Thor, and probably James, she found only one unfamiliar black-haired man in strange green and black clothes with gold trim, standing next to a table piled with food.
"Uh...JARVIS?" said Pepper nervously. Immediately, there was a loud squeaking sound, and she looked around in time to see a small animal pelting towards her. She shrieked and jumped back. It stopped in its tracks, and maybe she was losing it, but she could have sworn it looked hurt by her reaction.
"Good afternoon, Miss Potts," said JARVIS.
"What the hell is going on?" said Pepper.
"Mr. Odinson seems to have turned Mr. Stark into a flying squirrel."
Google the chapter title. Right now. Do it.
*irritatingly smug face* Okay, you can drag me all you want for that pun but I will never be sorry.
I'm not sure I'd recommend googling about Loki's game of tug-of-war with a goat, but I won't stop you. Norse Mythology is extremely weird.
I had a hard time writing Tony and Loki's conversation (which I really wanted to end with Loki turning Tony into a flying squirrel), but then it occurred to me that an elitist society with few problems, like Asgard, might not think to pursue all possible lines of inquiry about an ability they've always had, and that's why Tony was able to break Loki's brain. He's going to have some serious research to do when he gets home.
My headcanon for the difference between the magic human sorcerers use and magic like Loki's is that seidr is something you have to be born with, and it's some kind of energy supplied by the person and magnified by the the world they're on. A human sorcerer, on the other hand, has no innate power. They have to learn how to draw from and command dimensional energy, which requires them to learn the kind of theory that the Aesir have never needed to think about. This, to me, accounts for why Stephen Strange could get the better of Loki after only a couple of years at best as a sorcerer. He has far less raw power because none of it comes from himself, but his more detailed understanding of the mechanics and the governing principles at work is a serious advantage. The element of surprise didn't hurt either.
I'm almost positive there's only one chapter left until we head back to Asgard.