LISA

I can't remember the last time I attended a funeral. Come to think of it, I'm pretty sure I've never been to one.

When my mum's mum died, I simply didn't feel like going. I had booze to drink and a party that I just couldn't miss. I never had the urge to say a final goodbye to a woman I barely knew. One thing I did know about the old woman was that she didn't care much for me. She could barely stand my mum, so why would I spend my time sitting in a pew, pretending to be upset about a death that, in reality, didn't affect me at all?

Yet here I sit years later in the back of a tiny church, mourning the death of Jennie's father. Jennie, Rebecca, Rosé, and what appears to be half the damn congregation all crowd the front rows. Only me and an old woman, who I'm pretty sure doesn't actually know where she is, sit in the lone pew near the back wall.

Rosé is sitting on one side of Jennie and her mother on the other.

I don't regret calling her . . . Well, I do, but I can't ignore the flicker of life that seems to have been revived since her arrival earlier today. She still doesn't look like my Jennie, but she is getting there, and if that asshole is the key to that light, then so fucking be it.

I've done a lot of fucked-up shit in my life, a lot. I know this, Jennie knows this, hell, everyone in this church probably fucking knows it thanks to her mother, but I will make this right with my girl. I don't give a fuck about making amends with any of the other shit from my past or present; I only care about fixing what was broken within her.

I broke her . . . she says she couldn't fix me . . . that she will never be able to. But my damage wasn't caused by her. I was healed by her, and while she was healing me, I was splintering her beautiful soul into too many pieces. Essentially, I single-handedly broke her, broke her fucking brilliant spirit, while selfishly being stitched back together. The most fucked-up part of this massacre is that I refused to see just how much I was hurting her, just how much of her light I had dimmed. I knew it; I knew it all along, but it didn't matter, it only mattered when I finally got it.

When she denied me, once and for all, I got it. It hit me like a damn truck, and I couldn't move out of the way even if I tried.

It took her father's death to make me see just how stupid my plan to save her from me actually was. If I had thought about it, really thought this mess through, I would have known how stupid it all was. She wanted me—

Jennie has always loved me more than I deserve, and how did I repay her? I pushed and pushed until she was finally done with my shit. Now she doesn't want me; she doesn't want to want me, and I have to find a way to remind her how much she loves me.

Now here I sit, watching as Rosé loops her arm around her shoulder and pulls her into her side. I can't even look away. I'm stuck watching them.

Maybe I'm punishing myself, maybe not, but either way, I can't stop staring at the way she leans into her and she whispers something in her ear. The way her thoughtful expression somehow calms her and she sighs, nodding once, and she smiles at her.

Someone slides in next to me, temporarily interrupting my self-torture.

"We're nearly late . . . Lisa, why are you sitting back here?" Jisoo asks.

My father . . . Marco, sits down next to her, while Karen takes it upon herself to walk to the front of the small church to approach Jennie.

"You may as well go up there, too. The front row is only for people who Jennie can stand," I complain, glancing at the line of people, who, from Rebecca to Kai, I can't stand.

And that includes Jennie. I love her, but I can't stand being so close to her while she's comforted by Rosé. She doesn't know her the way I do; she doesn't deserve to be sitting next to her right now.

"Stop that. She can 'stand' you," Jisoo says. "This is her father's funeral, try to remember that."

I catch my father—fuck—Marco, I catch Marco staring at me.

He's not even my father. I knew this, I've known for the last week, but now that he's in front of me, it's like I'm finding out for the first time again.

I should tell him right now, I should affirm his longtime suspicions and just let the truth out about my mum and Vance. I should tell him right here, right now, and let him feel as fucking disappointed as I was. Was I disappointed? I don't know for sure; I was mad. I still am mad, but that's about as far as I've gotten.

"How are you feeling, daughter?" His arm reaches across Jisoo to rest his hand on my shoulder.

Tell him. I should tell him. "I'm fine." I shrug, wondering why my mouth won't cooperate with my mind and just say the words. Like I always say, misery loves company, and I'm as miserable as it gets.

"I'm sorry about all of this, I should have called the facility more. I promise you that I had checked on him, Lisa. I did, and I had no clue that he left until it was too late. I'm sorry." The disappointment in Marco's eyes silences me from forcing him to join my pity party. "I'm sorry that I always fail you."

My eyes meet his and I nod, deciding in this moment that he doesn't need to know. Not right now. "It's not your fault," I quietly remark.

I can feel Jennie's eyes on me, calling my attention from so many feet away. Her head is turned toward me, and Rosé's arm is no longer around her shoulders. She's staring at me, the way I was her, and I grip the wooden pew with everything I have, to restrain myself from rushing across the church to her.

"Either way, I'm sorry," Marco says and removes his hand from my shoulder. His brown eyes are glossy, like Jisoo's.

"It's fine," I mumble, still focusing on the feline cat eyes holding mine.

"Just go up there, she needs you," Jisoo suggests, her voice soft.

I ignore her and wait for her to give me some sort of signal, any tiny, little fragment of emotion to show me that she does need me. I will be next to her in seconds.

The preacher steps to the podium, and she turns away from me without beckoning me to her, without a real indication that she was actually seeing me at all.

But before I can feel too sorry for myself, Karen smiles down at Rosé and she slides down, allowing her to take the seat next to Jennie.