LISA

"Lisa, please. I've got to get ready," Jennie had whined into my chest one day. Her naked body was sprawled across me, distracting every brain cell I have left.

"You're not convincing me, woman. If you actually wanted to leave, you would be out of bed by now." I pressed my lips against the shell of her ear, and she wiggled against me. "You certainly wouldn't be rubbing yourself against my cock right now."

She giggled and slid against me, deliberately making contact with my erection.

"Now you've done it," I groaned, wrapping my fingers around her curvy hips. "You'll never make it to class now." My fingers slid to the front of her, sliding into her as she gasped.

Fuck, she always felt so fucking tight and warm around my fingers, even more so around my cock.

Without a word, she had rolled onto her side and wrapped her hand around me, jerking slowly. Her thumb swiped across the bead of moisture already present, betraying the cool smirk on my face, as she whined for more.

"More what?" I teased her, praying that she would take the bait. Either way I knew what was coming next; I just loved to hear her say it.

Her desires became more substantial, more tangible, when said aloud.

The way she whined and whimpered for me was more than for my satisfaction or a plea of lust. The words signified her trust in me; the movements of her body engraved her loyalty to me; and the promise of her love for me filled me, body and soul.

I was completely consumed by her, completely fucking lost in her, every single time I made love to her, even when I was being dishonest with her.

This time was no exception.

I had pressed her for the words that I wanted. The words that I needed.

"Tell me, Jennie."

"More everything, just . . . just all of you," she moaned, running her lips along my chest, and I lifted one of her thighs to wrap it around my own. It would be more difficult this way, but much deeper, and I could watch her easily. I could watch what only I could do to her, and I would fucking revel in the way her mouth fell open and she came, calling my name alone.

You already have all of me, I should have said. Instead, I reached in front of her and pulled a condom from the nightstand and slid it on, pressing between her legs. Her satisfied groan had me almost burst right then, but I held it together long enough to bring her to the edge with me. She whispered how much she loved me and how good I made her feel, and I should have told her that I felt the same way, even more than she could ever imagine, but instead, I spoke only her name as I emptied myself into the condom.

There were so many things I should have said, could have said, and sure as hell would have said if I had known my days in heaven were numbered.

Had I known that I would be cast out so soon, I would have worshipped her the way she deserves.

"Are you sure you don't want to stay here another night? I heard Jennie telling Rebecca that she was around one more night," Kai says, pushing me out of my mind and back into reality in that annoying way he has. After a minute of staring at me like Mr. Rogers, he asks, "Are you okay?"

"Yeah." I should tell him what was happening in my head, the bittersweet memory of Jennie wrapped around me as she clawed at my back and came. Then again, I don't want that image in his head.

He raises a brow at me. "So?"

"I'm leaving. I need to give her some space." I wonder just how the actual fuck I got myself into this situation to begin with. I'm a fucking idiot, that's how. My stupidity is incomparable. Except for my fathers', my mum's, too, I suppose. I must get this stupidity from them. The three of them must be where I acquired the need to sabotage myself, to destroy the only good in my life.

I could blame them.

I could, but blaming everyone else hasn't gotten me anywhere so far.

Maybe it's time I do something different.

"Space? I didn't know you knew the word," Kai tries to joke. He must notice my glare, because he quickly adds, "If you need anything—I don't know what that could be, but just anything in general—you can call me."

He awkwardly glances around the vast living room of his family home, and I stare at the wall behind him to avoid looking at him.

After an uncomfortable back-and-forth with Kai and more than a few nervous glances from Mrs. Porter, I take my small bag and head out of the house. I don't have shit with me, just this tiny bag of a few dirty clothes and my cell-phone charger. Even worse, much to my annoyance, it's only now, now that I'm outside in the drizzling rain, that I remember where my car is. Fuck.

I could walk down to Jennie's mum's and catch a ride with Marco if he's still there, but I don't think that's a good idea. If I get anywhere near her, if I even so much as breathe the same air as my girl, no one will be able to tear me away from her. I let Rebecca easily dismiss me in the greenhouse, but that won't be happening again. I was so close to breaking through to Jennie.

I felt it, and I know she did, too. I saw her smile. I saw the empty, sad girl smile for the sad girl who loves her with all of her broken soul.

She still holds enough love for me to waste another smile on me, and that means the fucking world. She's my fucking world. Maybe, just maybe, if I give her the space she needs for now, she will continue to toss me scraps. I'll take those scraps with fucking pleasure. A small smile, a one-word text response—hell, if she doesn't get a restraining order against me, then I'll gladly settle for anything she can give until I can remind her of what we have together.

Remind her? I suppose it's not much of a reminder, since I've never actually shown her the way I could be. I've only been selfish and afraid, letting my fear and self-loathing run the show, always taking my attention from her. I could only focus on myself and my disgusting habit of taking every ounce of her love and trust and throwing it in her face.

The rain is picking up now, and really it's okay. The rain would usually help me bask in my self-hatred, but not today; today the rain isn't so bad.

It's almost cleansing.

You know, if I didn't fucking hate metaphors.