Disclaimer: I do not own High School DxD, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Angel, Harry Potter, Naruto, and Rifts

Major AU: Do not expect this story to strictly follow canon for High School DxD.

Key: "Talking" 'Thought' [Sacred Gear] (Pailamancy or Telepathy) *Technique*

Author Note:

I'm Harvesting Breasts:

Goro and Miki Harris-Hyoudou had made a point of inviting the entire ORC to dinner every Sunday night. After having the first sampling of Miki's cooking each of the members made it a point to clear their schedule for that. Even Akeno and Kiba who were gourmet cooks did not like missing one of Miki's meals. The housewife was a better chef than most of the professionals in Kouh's restaurants. Goro himself was no slouch with his baking and candy making skills. The couple also tended to cook massive amounts of food, their standard recipes for just feeding Xander and themselves could feed a dozen normal people. So effectively every Sunday the ORC, minus Gasper, was treated to a literal smorgasbord with cuisine from all over the world. For this very reason there was a full house for dinner.

Xander Harris-Hyoudou was his normal energetic cheerful self as he came down the stairs. With a smile on his face he took his seat at the table and began loading up his plate with enough food to choke a horse. That wasn't anything new as Xander had always had a bottomless pit for a stomach. His cheerful attitude was not out of place as unless he was specifically angered by someone's idiocy Xander was just that way. What was out of place was the number of love-bites on his neck and the slight scent of sex still lingering about him. Only the Devils at the table could smell the later at all given how well he'd showered. Poor Koneko getting it worse than the others. There was also the fact that he wasn't leaning back in his chair at all, something that was completely out of character for him. Unless studying or eating soup he would lean back in any chair to lounge, unless at a formal dinner.

Rias Gremory wasn't quite her graceful elegant self as she came down the stairs. She still had poise and dignity, but the Heiress also had a slight limp that was throwing everything off. The ache that was causing her to limp was not affecting her mood however. Rias was grinning widely and her eyes were dancing with happiness. She was also radiating satisfaction. The Gremory Heiress gingerly took the seat next to Xander, revealing that the source of her limp was definitely not a knee injury. Like Xander, her neck had some love-bites, but not quite as many. There was also the same scent of sex about her.

"Ara ara, it seems that Buchou and Xander-kun were very naughty today. Fufufufu." Akeno Himejima was all smiles as she teased her King and favorite kouhai. It was quite obvious what the pair had done all day, even if the Peerage hadn't already pieced it together. While there was a pang of jealousy in her heart, she was actually happy for bother Rias and Xander. Of course that didn't mean she wouldn't tease them mercilessly. "How many times?"

"A gentleman doesn't kiss and tell." Xander stated quasi seriously in a tone that hinted a continued joke. "And Xanders don't either."

"Baka. That was bad. Even for you, Senpai." Koneko Toujou shook her head in slight amusement at Xander's antics. While she was still extremely reserved Xander had a way of drawing her out of her shell that until now only Rias possessed. It was different though. Rias was like the mother she never had. Xander was her Senpai and there was no other way of describing it.

"If you must know: seventeen times." Rias said simply as dished her plate, taking a portion that normally only Xander would take. The mountain of food was easily twice her normal helpings. (Sorry, Xander-koi, but women often tell, especially when they are satisfied.)

"S-seventeen times?" Asia Argento stuttered out. Her brain was locking up and there was steaming coming of her ears. The former Holy Maiden had been sheltered most of her life, but it did not mean she was ignorant now. Her new friend Aika made very sure that Asia was exposed to many things that would put a blush on the professionals of the raunchiest red districts. So she her newly acquired lustful side was overwhelmed by the idea.

"Is it even possible for a woman to orgasm that often in a day?" Kiba Yuuto blinked owlishly at the thought. The Prince Charming of Kouh did have a slight bit of pervert residing in him. He was a teenage male after all. He just had a very firm control of it. It did help that he had very particular tastes in women.

"Oh yes, quite possible, especially if she multiorgasmic and has a skilled lover." Miki spoke up in a completely serious tone of voice. When everyone but Xander looked at her in shock she just shrugged, "I am speaking from personal experience. Goro is quite capable getting me to orgasm that many times in a day."

"I am going to pretend that I didn't just hear that." Xander stated as he paused in eating. It took a lot to faze him when it same to sex talk. Anya had no filter or sense of propriety when it came to discussing their love life. A woman he was now equating to his mother talk about sex was just touching on the boundary. (It's alright, Rias-hime, I'm used to this.)

Meanwhile everyone at the table was staring awestruck at both Goro and Xander. Neither Rias nor Miki were prone to exaggeration at all. If they stated something it was fact as far as they knew it. The girls were all a little envious while Kiba couldn't help but be impressed. Both men did have the grace not to be braggarts about it, and simply ate their meals with gusto.

"Yeah, sure, let's go with I came seventeen times." Rias said after a moment's consideration. The smirk on her face spoke of something else entirely.

Xander dropped down through the skylight using his devil wings to slow his decent so that when he landed in the middle of laboratory, he didn't break his knees from the forty foot drop to concrete. The ORC had tracked down a Stray Devil to an abandoned factory. It had been relatively easy given they just had to trace where some rather expensive fertilizers and chemical reagents had been shipped. Apparently the stray in question had a thing for making hybrid plants.

"Martin-san, you have abandoned your Master and been declared a Stray. In the name of the Gremory family I am here to apprehend you. Surrender peacefully so you can be returned to his service." Xander said as he racked his M4 Benelli Shotgun. He was decked out in his typical tactical gear he used for combat missions. "I am authorized to use extreme force as long as you live."

"They sent you in here alone?" Rudolf Martin blinked in surprise at seeing the single devil in front of him. He felt a little insulted as he was Mid-class Devil, even if he was not a combat specialist. "Or are you playing hero?"

"Drac?" Xander blinked as he finally took in appearance of the devil in front of him. He immediately had flashbacks to meeting the Vlad Dracul, the Count of Wallachia, back in Sunnydale. Then much later when the Dracula tracked him down in Africa to apologize for enslaving him. They had parted as allies if not fully friends. Seeing his likeness had stuck Xander like a hammer.

Rudolf was not a fool. He saw his opportunity. With surprising speed he surged forward and snatched the shotgun out of Xander's hands as he flipped over the man. Then shot him in the back before dropping the weapon and running. He had no illusions that Xander was killed by the blast. He was actually hoping for injured so the rest of the peerage would concentrate on supporting their comrade. Rudolf sprinted down the corridors through the old administration department, making several seemingly random turns but in reality led him to one of the fire exits. Bursting through to the door the fire escape, the Stray discovered his hopes of escape were in vain.

Rias Gremory stood on the fire escape that Xander accurately predicted as the most likely escape route for Rudolf Martin. When the stray devil had come sprinting out of the building she'd been prepared with a binding spell. The alchemist didn't even have the chance to act before he was wrapped shoulders to ankles in chains. Of course she wasn't alone. In just a moment Koneko was on the man's back applying a sleeper hold.

"It seems my plan worked perfectly." Rias observed with more than a hint of pride. While she had asked Xander for her analysis of possible escape routes, the entire plan had been her doing. "Rudolph Martin, you are now under arrest for abandoning your King. You will be returned to him after you have been interrogated."

"It… will... be…worth…it." Rudolph barely managed to gasp out as he slipped into unconsciousness.

"Tch, so weak." Koneko muttered as she stood up and brushed her hands. "How did he rank a mid class devil?"

"He's extremely skilled in Alchemy and is a lesser pureblood." Rias explained but it was clear in her tone that she did not agree with the reasoning. Each member of her peerage could easily outperform the stray in front of her, even Asia who was arguably the weakest of her peerage. While the current power structure in the Underworld was a vast improvement on the old, there was still a great deal of nepotism and prejudice that interfered with the meritocracy. "We really should go see how Xander-kun is doing. Rudolph doesn't look as battered as I thought he would be."

"Yeah, I expected a bruised up mess." Koneko frowned as she literally threw Rudolf over her shoulder like a sack of potatoes.

"You know, I don't want to laugh, but this is just a little funny." Kiba was suppressing the urge to laugh at what he'd witnessed. Currently Xander's face was shoved into Asia's cleavage as the former nun was healing the bruise on his back. This was after Xander admitted to being shot in the back because Rudolf had reminded him of Dracula. Of course Kiba had just seen that episode of Buffy and couldn't help but be reminded of it. "At least he didn't turn you into a spider-eating man-bitch."

"Fufufufufu, Kiba you shouldn't remind Xander-kun of such… traumatic… times." Akeno covered her mouth as she giggled at the antics of her kouhais. She'd arrived with Kiba and Asia after Xander had successfully reported the first turn that Rudolf had made after fleeing. Asia had wasted literally no time attempting to put Xander in Marshmallow Hell as she healed his back. The Miko would bet anything that this was one of Aika's suggestions. "And Asia-chan, be sure to make sure Xander thanks you properly for your actions."

'If I could pull away from Asia-chan without hurting her feelings the two of you wouldn't be laughing.' Xander had that singular uncharitable thought to his two friends. Honestly he didn't blame them for laughing at all. It was kind of funny. Despite wearing his tactical gear he'd forgone the back plate as he'd broken the last one in a full contact spar with Koneko. So when his special Magnum Beanbag ammo hit his back it had been like being mule kicked by an enraged Slayer. In other words his back was one massive bruise and he wouldn't be surprised to be pissing blood for a week even with Asia healing him.

"Just be still for a few more minutes, Xander-kun so I can heal your kidneys." Asia whispered to Xander as she felt him move between her breasts. 'That feels nice. I will have to do this more often.' Thankfully she wasn't as busty as Rias and Akeno or she would have suffocated her patient already. "It's no problem, Akeno-nii. He already does so much for me. Things like this are the least that I owe Xander-kun."

"Well, if this isn't just precious." Rias commented as she entered the laboratory to the scene of Kiba and Akeno suppressing laughter as Asia was forcing Xander to motorboat her. She had already heard from Xander what was happening, including his profuse apologies. So she was prepared for what she wanted to do. Taking aim she took her shot.

CLICK! CLICK! CLICK!

"Kawaii!" Rias squealed as she looked at the view screen on her phone. "This is definitely going on my page."

Despite the fact he had a fiancé with one of the best racks in the Universe, Xander couldn't help his inner pervert when it came to noticing other busty women. It was hardwired into male psychology to appreciate big boobs. It wasn't helping that his merger had left him with triple his former libido or that he was physically a teenager again. Thankfully he'd learned how to get his looks without getting slapped for being a pervert. When he wanted to scope our girls he'd wear his patch that said: Yes, it was all fun and games. Nobody dared to keep looking at his eyes as they wouldn't be able to keep from laughing. This meant unless the person had no sense of humor he could get a good look whenever he wanted. It also helped that he didn't ogle like the perverted duo did. Well, he did with Rias, but she liked him doing that. So it wasn't too strange that when the strange plague of Anemia swept through Kuoh, Xander noticed the only people suffering it were busty women.

"Okay, so we might be dealing with a smart, but perverted vampire." Xander had finished presenting what he'd observed. "Smart because they're not killing anyone. Perverted because they're only going after busty women. Bust size seems to be their only criteria as they even went after Maeda-san." Xander shuddered as he mentioned the third year student who had was rather unattractive in visage and personality. "So I will be taking a few nights off of contracts and doing some hunting."

Everyone in the ORC clubroom stared at Xander in wide-eyed mute horror for a few moments. For Asia it was that Xander would deliberately be going out to kill a being that hadn't murdered anyone yet. She knew without a doubt that her friend didn't see a vampire as redeemable and there wasn't anything she could say that would change that. For Rias, Akeno, Koneko, Raynare, and Kiba they had one immediate thought. 'We have to protest Gasper!'

"What? Is there some sort of treaty with Vamps that I haven't been told about?" Xander looked around at the shocked faces.

"No, no, but Vampires are predominantly in Europe and the Americas, Xander-koi." Rias knew she couldn't lie to Xander. More than anyone else she knew he could see through lies. In fact she found she was getting a sense for when people were trying to deceive her. "They are also far different than the ones you know. So it would be wiser if we all stuck together."

"Buchou is right, the vampires are different, Xander-kun." Akeno added in. "They aren't vulnerable to wooden stakes or fire like the ones from your world. They are also a lot stronger, the average are probably a match for what you would consider a Turok-han. They can manipulate Darkness and Mist as well."

"Yeah, Grigori send out Fallen Angels in teams of four if they suspect a rogue vampire and our Light Spears are one of their weaknesses." Raynare offered up.

"Well…fuck." Xander muttered shook his head. He knew was more than a match for any Vampire from his world now or even a Turok-han, but given the number of women coming up with anemia it had to be multiple vamps. Multiple intelligent Turok-han or more powerful opponents with new powers was not a fight he could win.

"Vampires stick out in Japan." Koneko added in. "Someone would notice."

"I think I have a different lead anyway." Kiba spoke up. "Murayama-chan and Katase-chan were complaining that they were tired because they've been sleep walking. I noticed they look a little pale during practice. It could the real culprit uses hypnosis to bring victims to them other purposes."

"Aren't they neighbors?" Rias asks and when Kiba nods her smile widens. "We'll set up a stake out, and follow them tonight if they are summoned."

"How the fuck did that Stray bastard plant that big ass tree in your backyard, Buchou?" Raynare stage whispered as the group followed the obviously sleep walking Katase and Murayama to the small clearing in the woods behind the Old School House. "Isn't this the kind of shit intent wards are fucking supposed to detect?"

"That is something I would like to know as well." Rias frowned as they watched the two girls approach the strange plant. "One would think this would be a hostile intent."

"Raynare-nee, I am usually the last guy to comment on someone's swear, but you're being a little more vulgar than normal." Xander stage whispered back. He wasn't bothered by profanity, but Raynare didn't get that bad unless she was upset.

"The stake-out clam jammed her." Koneko deadpanned.

"Oh you poor dear," Akeno cooed in mock sympathy. "At least you have a boyfriend. I have to put up with Buchou's bragging about Xander-kun. My fingers are getting cramps."

"Could we concentrate on what's happening now?" Kiba spoke up. "That tree seems to be reacting to the girls."

As everyone had been bantering, four vines began slithering their way to Murayama and Katase who had stopped just ten feet short of the tree. However before they could make, golden chains erupted from Asia's back. Two of them wrapped around trees near her while the other two moved with incredible speed to snatch the two kendo club members away from the tree. Of course this let to chimera tree to start animating more vines to deal with the intruders.

"I've seen enough Hentai to know that is not a good sign." Raynare quipped.

"Good job, Asia-chan." Rias complimented the former nun who had acted to protect the girls. "Kiba-kun, Raynare-chan, Akeno-chan, help me keep those vines busy. Xander-koi, promote yourself to Rook and get Rosenberg out. Koneko-chan I am going to let do that move you wanted to try."

"Yes Buchou! Yes Buchou-chan!"

Kiba used [Sword Birth] to materialize a sword for each hand and dashed forward severing vines with blazing speed. Raynare was not far behind using a pair of *Light Spears* to do the same. Akeno raised her hands forming her sigil froze vines as quickly as he could. Rias was hurling *Power of Destruction* as quickly as she could. The clearing was quickly becoming warzone littered with severed and shattered vines. Unfortunately it seemed as if the chimera had some traits in common with the Hydra, for every vine destroyed two more took it's place.

"Promotion to Rook!" Xander called out. For a moment the image of Scarlet Rook was superimposed over Xander as his promotion took place. A moment later he pulled out Rosenberg, the axe gleaming in the moonlight. "So what's the move we're supposed to be doing?"

"Fastball Special." Koneko grinned as she grabbed Xander by his harness and started spinning around. After three revolutions she released him towards the Chimera tree.

"AAAAAAAHHHHHH!" Xander screamed out as he was flung at speeds normally attained by bullet trains. He had just enough presence and time to ready Rosenberg for a mighty chop just as he'd pass the chimera tree. Unfortunately this destabilized his flight path and he tumbled along forest floor until he hit and demolished a residual boulder.

The Chimera tree continued fighting for a few seconds making everyone think that Xander missed the massive tree. Just as Rias was about to order a retreat the tree began to burn from where Rosenberg had sliced through the trunk. Pale gold flames consumed the tree as it began to collapse on itself. The vines literally dropped to the ground before combusting in gold flames.

"That was as fun as I hoped." Koneko smirked at the scene.

Everyone was staring at the coffee table after Grayfia's hologram faded out. They had just heard the report of what the Chimera Tree was supposed to do. Each member of the ORC was stunned for different reasons. Kiba couldn't believe someone thought big breasts would bring world peace. Akeno was lamenting the fact that she missed out on an opportunity for some bondage play with the plant. Rias was wondering if she'd done the right thing sending the samples of the severed vines to her cousin. Asia was looking down at her chest and wondering if she should have snagged a fruit. Raynare was wondering if Rudolf was somehow related to Uncle Zazz. Xander's inner pervert was mourning the plant that could have made nice bouncy breasts everywhere. Finally, Koneko was fuming about claim that flat chest caused women to be cruel.

"Well… it's probably for the best. If every girl had a big rack, then they just wouldn't be as special anymore." Xander sighed. "Plus small ones can be a lot of fun too."