JENNIE

I wake up to arms wrapping around my waist as I'm lifted out of the car.

The white light on top of the cab reminds me of the night I've had. I take in my surroundings, panicking for a moment before realizing that we are in Marco's driveway, not, not . . .

"I would never take you back there," Lisa says into my ear, knowing exactly what I would worry about before the thought can even gel in my mind.

I don't protest as Lisa carries me up the driveway and into the house.

Karen is awake, sitting in a chair by the window, a recipe book in her lap.

Lisa places me on my feet, and I feel a little wobbly.

Karen stands, walking across the room to hug me. "What can I get you, dear? I made some caramel cakes; you'll love them." She smiles and wraps a warm hand around mine, leading me toward the kitchen without a peep from Lisa.

"I'll take your bag upstairs," I hear her say.

"Is Jisoo asleep?" I ask her mother.

"I think so, but I'm sure she won't mind if you wake her. It's still early."

Karen smiles and places a small, caramel-topped cake on a plate before I can stop her.

"No, it's okay. I can see her tomorrow."

Jisoo's mother's eyes are on me, soft with her familiar tenderness.

Her fingers are nervously twisting her wedding ring on her thin finger. "I know this is terrible timing, and I'm so sorry, but I wanted to talk to you about something." Her warm brown eyes flash with concern and she waves for me to take a bite of the dessert as she pours two glasses of milk.

I nod for her to continue, my mouth full of the delicious cake. I couldn't eat earlier—I was too overwhelmed, and the day has been too long. I reach for another slice.

"I know you have so much going on already, so if you want me to leave you be, just tell me. I promise I understand, but I would really like your opinion on something."

I give her another nod, enjoying the dessert.

"It's about Lisa and Marco."

My eyes go wide, and immediately I start choking on the cake and reach for the milk. Does she know? Has Lisa said something?

Karen pats my back while I drink the cold milk down, rubbing in circles as she continues, "Marco's so happy that Lisa has finally started to tolerate him. It makes him so happy that she is finally building a relationship with his daughter; it's something he's always wanted. Lisa is his biggest regret, and it hurt me for years seeing him that way. I know he's made his mistakes—many, many mistakes—and I am in no way making excuses for those mistakes." Her eyes fill with tears, and she dabs at the corners with her fingers. "Sorry," she says with a smile. "I'm a mess."

After a couple of deep breaths she adds, "He isn't the same man now that he was then. He's had years of sobriety and therapy, years of reflection and remorse."

She knows. Karen knows about Chit and Christian. My chest tightens, and my eyes fill, too. "I know what you're going to say." I feel for this family. I love them as my own, and I feel for everyone in this family that's full of secrets, addictions, and regrets.

"You do?" She blows out a ragged breath that speaks a little of her relief.

"Jisoo told you about the baby? I should have known she would. So I'm assuming Lisa knows, too, then?"

I start coughing again. After an awkward fit, during which Karen keeps watching my expression, I finally speak. "What? A baby?"

"So you didn't know." She laughs softly. "I know I'm much older than you would expect a pregnant woman to be, but I'm only in my early forties, and my doctor has assured me that I'm healthy enough . . ."

"A baby?" I'm relieved that she doesn't know about Christian being Lisa's father, but this is beyond a surprise.

"Yes." She smiles. "I was just as shocked as you are. Marco, too. He's been so worried about me. Jisoo nearly had a breakdown; she knew about all of my appointments, but I didn't tell her what they were for, so the poor thing thought I was sick. I felt terrible, and I had to come clean. This wasn't planned"—her eyes search mine—"but we are happy now that we've gotten over the initial shock of having another child so late in life."

My arms wrap around her, and for the first time in days I feel joy.

Where there was nothing dominating my core, there is joy. I love Karen and am thrilled for her. This feels so good. I was beginning to worry that I would never feel this way again.

"This is amazing! I'm so happy for you two!" I gush, and her arms tighten around my back.

"Thank you, Jennie. I knew you would be, and it is quite exciting, the more and more I live with the reality of it." She pulls back and kisses my cheek, then looks me in the eye. "I'm just worried about how this will make Lisa feel."

And like that, my joy for her is cut short and instantly replaced by worry for Lisa. Her entire life has been a lie, and she hasn't exactly handled the news well. The man she believed to be her father is now having another child, and Lisa will be forgotten. Whether that's true or not, I know her well enough to know that's where her mind will go. And Karen knows it, which is why she was so worried about bringing it up.

"Do you mind if I'm the one who tells her?" I ask. "If not, I understand."

I don't allow myself to think too far into this. I know that I'm blurring the lines here, but if I'm leaving Lisa, I need to make sure I'm not leaving a mess behind.

That's an excuse, part of me warns.

"No, of course not—to be honest, I was hoping you'd want to. I know this puts you in a terrible position, and I don't want you to feel obligated to get in the middle of this, but I am afraid of how Lisa will react if Marco is the one to tell her. You have a way with her that no one else does."

"It's fine, really. I will talk to hee tomorrow."

She hugs me again. "Today has been a tough day for you. I'm sorry for bringing this up. I should have waited—I just want to avoid the news being a surprise to her, especially since I feel like I'm starting to show a little bit. She's had a hard enough life already, and I want to do whatever I can to make things easier on her. I want her to know that she's a part of this family, and that we all love her so much, that this baby won't change that."

"She knows," I promise. She may not be willing to accept it yet, but she knows.

Footsteps reach the bottom of the stairs, and Karen and I pull away from each other reflexively. We both wipe our cheeks, and I take another bite of the cake as Lisa enters the kitchen. She's showered and changed her clothes. She's now wearing a pair of sweatpants, the legs of which are too short; the WCU logo stitched along her thigh is a dead giveaway that she's wearing Jisoo's clothing. No way is she a booster like that.

If we were in a different place, I would tease her about the pants. But we aren't. We are in the worst place, yet in the best place for me; it's all confusing and skewed. Then again, a healthy balance and order has never been a factor in our relationship; why would our breakup be any different?

"I'm going to bed. Do you need anything?" she asks, her voice rough and low. I look up at her but she's staring at her bare feet. "No. Thank you, though."

"I put your stuff in the guest room, your room."

I nod. The insane, untrustworthy part of me wishes Karen weren't in the kitchen with us, but the rational, bitter, and much larger part of me is glad that she is. She disappears up the staircase, and I say good-night to Karen before going up myself.

In short order I find myself outside the room where I've spent some of the best nights of my life. I raise my hand to the knob, but quickly pull away as if the cold metal might burn my skin.

This cycle has got to stop, and if I give in to every impulse, every fiber of my being, that desperately craves to be close to her, I'll never make it out of this continuous loop of mistake after mistake, fight after fight.

I finally let out a breath as I close the guest-room door behind me and turn the lock. I fall asleep wishing that the younger me had known just how dangerous love could be. If I had known it would hurt this bad, if I had known the way it would rip me apart, then sew me back together, only to tear me into pieces again, I would have stayed as far away from Lisa Manoban as I possibly could.