Sif and the Warriors Three scarcely had time to arrange themselves in an arc in front of the transporter, weapons raised, before the blaze of white-gold light resolved itself into a blonde woman a couple inches shorter than Sif. Sif would've thought her a mortal if not for the incredible aura of power around her. And the fact that she was floating about a foot off the ground. Her suit looked vaguely Kree, but no Kree would ever wear those colors. She touched down a few yards in front of them, expression fierce. "Who are you and how did you find this place?"
"We are Lady Sif and the Warriors Three of Asgard," said Sif. "We're here to provide reinforcements to our princes, who should have arrived just moments ago."
"Princes?" said the woman. "There aren't any princes here."
"But this is where the signal led us!" Hogun protested.
"What signal?"
"That is privileged information, good lady," said Volstagg. "We do not have leave from the throne of Asgard to divulge it."
"Yeah, well you showed up armed on the planet I was pretty sure was remote enough that the people I'm protecting would be safe from discovery or attack, so I kinda need to know why or we're gonna have a problem." She raised a fist, which ignited into a whirl of white-gold light.
"Eheh, no, we mean no harm," said Fandral, lowering his sword and pushing Sif's down a few inches. "You are quite sure, though, that no princes went past here recently? Both tall, one huge and blond and carrying a large warhammer, the other dark and more wiry, quite skilled with magic? They would be dressed in armor similar to our own."
"Nope," she said, folding her arms. "Haven't seen anyone like that."
The four of them wilted a bit and exchanged confused and disappointed looks. "Where could they be, then?" said Sif.
"Did the signal take us to the wrong place?" said Hogun.
"It certainly doesn't appear to be covered in refuse, as Thor described," said Sif.
"You still haven't told me what this signal is," said the woman.
Sif shot her a calculating look. "You are a defender of the weak?"
"I do what I can." She had a bit of a satisfied smirk on her lips. It spoke of understatement, not deception.
"Perhaps we could…," said Volstagg. They all exchanged another glance, then nodded and put away their weapons.
"The Midgardian scientists Bruce Banner, Erik Selvig, and Jane Foster used the Tesseract and materials provided by Asgard to create transporters that could take us across the universe," said Sif. "Prince Thor and Prince Loki used the first one, along with Agents Barton and Romanoff of SHIELD, and we tried to pinpoint the energy signature of their device so we could follow, to test whether such a tracking endeavor would be successful."
"Yes, and it would appear to be an extraordinary failure," said Fandral.
The woman was staring at them, confusion replacing hostility. "The Tesseract? You guys had access to the Tesseract? And you're working with Earth scientists and SHIELD agents. Does Fury know about this?"
"Fury?" said Hogun.
"Wasn't that the name of the leader of SHIELD?" said Sif.
"I do believe it was," said Volstagg. "Yes, the princes spoke of working with him while they were on Midgard."
For the first time since they encountered her, the woman smiled. "Okay, I think I know how you ended up here," she said, her posture loosening.
"Really?" said Fandral.
"Yeah, if you're tracking stuff made with the Tesseract."
"There's something like that here?" said Sif.
"You're looking at her." The woman grinned, and more of that white-gold light rippled over her. "Carol Danvers. Pleased to meet you."
They all (except Hogun) smiled back at her. "Well met, indeed," said Volstagg with a gallant bow. "I am Volstagg. My companions are Fandral and Hogun, and the Lady Sif has already introduced herself."
"The mortal scientists will be pleased to know their tracker works," said Sif. "But we must return. The princes are expecting us to be right behind them, and Thor said Sakaar could be a very dangerous world."
"I hope we will have the honor of your company again one day," said Fandral. He swept a bow before Carol Danvers and took her hand. When he tried to drop a kiss on the back, there was a slight surge of energy and a zapping sound, and he drew back quickly with a laugh, his goatee smoking a little.
"Maybe you will," she said.
"Fare thee well until then," said Volstagg, "and may the good people under your protection remain happy and prosperous!"
Her smile widened. The light engulfed her again and she took to the sky.
After watching her go for a few seconds, they gathered back around the transporter and Hogun entered in Asgard's coordinates. Sif noticed that the fuel chamber was now barely more than half full. Bruce Banner hadn't been wrong about how long it would last. They twisted the handles, and their surroundings spun away from them.
X
About ten minutes after the second transporter vanished, the laboratory was flooded with blue light again and then Sif and the Warriors Three were back.
"Whoa, whoa, whoa, what happened?" said Bruce, trying not to let his alarm get the better of him. "It didn't work?"
"Oh, it worked," said Fandral.
"We followed the wrong signal," said Sif. "It took us to a distant planet, but not the one Thor, Loki, and the SHIELD agents went to."
"How did that happen?" said Jane with a deep frown. She fiddled with the tracker. "The destination definitely matched that signal."
"Well, the coordinates you entered did lead to something made with the Tesseract, but that something was a young woman with powerful abilities, not the first transporter," said Volstagg.
"She seemed pleasant enough," said Fandral.
"Hey!" said Darcy.
"Not that pleasant," he added quickly.
Darcy gave a haughty nod.
"Oh," said Jane. "Okay, well we'll just try a different signal this time. There's only one more that's showing up on the tracker, so it should be the right one."
"First we'll have to refuel," said Erik, already at work preparing to extract more energy from the Tesseract. "It'll be about an hour before the transporter will be ready again."
"Excellent," said Volstagg. "That leaves time for lunch." And he strode from the lab in search of food.
"I could go for some lunch, too," said Darcy with a pointed glance at Fandral.
"Allow me to accompany you," he said, offering his arm. They exited at a slightly faster pace than Volstagg had.
"I think I should come with you guys," said Bruce. "In case something goes wrong with the transporter."
"Are you certain?" said Hogun.
"Sakaar isn't likely to be a relaxing experience," said Sif.
Bruce shrugged. "In that case, you might need me even more."
X
Sakaar looked pretty much the same as Thor remembered it. Perhaps the trash heaps were slightly smaller. He turned and searched the horizon for the Devil's Anus, but its absence was even more obvious on this end than Asgard's.
"Okay, of the two planets I've seen today, I already know which one is my favorite," said Barton, watching a few of the ships flying in the distance.
"Yeah," said Romanoff, coughing and covering her nose. "Is this entire place made of garbage?"
"Very possibly," said Thor.
"Lovely," said Loki. He waved his hands over the transporter, which vanished.
"Whoa, what was that?" said Barton.
"We can hardly leave a piece of prototype technology like that lying about," said Loki. "It'll be safe in my dimensional pocket until we need it for the return trip."
"That's handy," said Romanoff.
"Coulson said the same," said Loki, looking pleased.
Barton stared around, frowning. "Uh...weren't your friends supposed to be coming right after us?"
"Yes," said Loki. "Even if the tracker doesn't work, which I must admit I doubt after the success of the transporter, Heimdall could direct them to us. It shouldn't be much longer."
Thor turned on the spot, an awful sinking feeling in his stomach. "I'm such a fool."
"True," said Loki, "but why, specifically?"
"Time moves differently on Sakaar. I forgot. I don't think we should wait here for them."
"What do you mean time moves differently?" said Barton sharply.
Thor looked at him, knowing precisely why he would be so alarmed by this news, but not free to acknowledge it. "Weeks on Sakaar are mere moments on other worlds, and yet you could stay here for thousands of years and never age a day."
"So...even if they left right after we did, it's going to be a while before they show up here?"
"Most likely," said Thor. "I don't think the ratio of Sakaaran time to outside time is constant." Which was how Hela had been able to reduce Asgard's entire population to what would fit on the Statesman in a period that had felt like two days for him and not quite a month for Loki.
"Then we should head for the city now," said Loki.
"Yes," said Thor, still kicking himself. It wasn't especially reassuring to think that however much time they might lose to Sakaar, it couldn't be more than a couple years. For a mortal who was a husband and father, even a single year was already far too long to be away from home, and Thor might have just cost his friend that because of his thoughtless haste to spend time together. The alternative, that time would move faster here than elsewhere, wasn't necessarily better, as it meant that they wouldn't have any backup against Thanos's lieutenants and whatever the Grandmaster felt like doing. At least...not any backup that wasn't local. "Just, whatever you do, don't let anyone stick a little metal disk on you."
They got about a hundred paces closer to the city when a rickety ship landed directly in their path. "Here we go," said Thor irritably. He'd expected this kind of interruption.
"Who are these guys?" said Romanoff.
"Scavengers," said Thor.
"What do they want?" said Barton.
"To eat us."
"Oh." He could hear them drawing their weapons and getting into fighting stances, and Loki was doing the same.
Masked aliens piled out of the ship, well over a dozen of them in a variety of species.
Thor raised Mjolnir. "Let us pass, and we will have no quarrel with you," he said.
"Let us pass and we will have no quarrel with you," one of them repeated in a singsong voice. The rest of them laughed.
"You're not going anywhere, food," said the one in the middle, whose mask was red with odd tufts coming off the side. "That's a nice hammer. I think I'll keep it." He raised what Thor recognized as an electric net launcher. He had no intention of letting him use it.
"You want the hammer?" he said with a smile. "Here!" He threw it at the creature. It shattered the net launcher on impact and drove its wielder back with enough force to bowl over several of his comrades. The rest roared battle cries and attacked.
X
The Grandmaster was having quite an enjoyable morning in his palace. He had his favorite drink next to him, his new keyboard before him, a fresh coat of paint on his nails, he was having an exceptionally good hair day, and even though yesterday's arena event had been a little lackluster, the party that followed had mostly made up for it.
A couple hundred people milled about in the grand hall, all dancing enthusiastically to his musical stylings (or else), including a few dozen of the prisoners with jobs, as a nice treat for them. He was halfway through a particularly good solo when the crowd parted to reveal his important guests. He grimaced. He hadn't expected them to be so ugly. One was super skinny and had sickly, wrinkly skin, no nose, and terrible hair, and the other was some kind of massive, scaly lizard thing.
Wrinkles spoke first. "The Great Titan s—"
The Grandmaster held up a finger and played his next chord. Wrinkles's eyes flashed and Scales let out a growl. The Grandmaster continued to play his solo, amused by their impatience. They clearly needed this reminder that he didn't answer to their big purple overlord, he was just interested in the guy's units. He added a few flourishes just to annoy them more. By the time he played the final glissando, a full ten minutes had elapsed since their arrival.
"As I was saying," said Wrinkles, his lip curling, "the Great Titan sends his respects to the Grandmaster of Sakaar."
"Ooh, I like respects," said the Grandmaster. "Can't spend them, though, and I'm hoping to add another tower to my palace."
"Ten thousand units per soldier, as per the agreement."
"I don't know. Fifteen thousand would be a lot more respectful. And, uh, I'd like your friend here to do a few rounds in my arena." He looked at the towering lizard thing. "How about it, Scales? You'd give us quite a show."
"We are not here for your entertain—" Wrinkles began in cold outrage, but Topaz came striding past him without giving him so much as a glance and interrupted.
"Boss, there's been a disturbance in the trash fields to the east of the city."
"A disturbance?"
"Yes, this was just a few minutes ago." She pulled out a security pad and tapped the screen. It cast a silent hologram into the space between them and their guests. At first, it was just an image of garbage heaps, but then there was a brilliant flash of blue light, which faded to reveal four people standing around a weird-looking device. The black-haired one waved his hands and made the device disappear. Topaz slid her fingers along the screen, so the scene sped along at quadruple speed for a bit. She let it play normally again, and a gang of scavengers landed their ship and accosted the newcomers. The Grandmaster watched, intrigued, as the four of them took down their numerous opponents. The muscular blond used a big hammer and blasts of lightning to fight, and the pretty black-haired one kept vanishing and conjuring duplicates. The shorter blond and the redhead defeated at least two scavengers apiece, but they didn't appear to be anything special.
"If these trespassers are going to be a problem for you," said Wrinkles, his tone silky smooth, "we will gladly take them off your hands. Would you like us to transfer you the fifteen thousand units per head right now? And how many times would you like Cull Obsidian to battle in your arena?"
There was obvious greed and eagerness in Wrinkles's eyes, and Scales showed no sign of objecting. The Grandmaster knew when he was being scammed out of a good deal. He and his brother had that in common. "So generous all of a sudden," he said. "But there's no need for you to go to so much trouble. You'll get your army, and I'll have my guys take care of the trespassers. They look like they might be even better in my arena than Scales, so you're off the hook for that."
"Perhaps we can come to a compromise," said Wrinkles, spreading his bony hands.
"I'm listening," said the Grandmaster slowly.
"We will assist you in capturing them. You keep the large blond and the two smaller ones, and we'll take the mage. Cull will fight for you three times, and we'll add another thousand units per head."
The Grandmaster took a sip of his drink and stroked his chin. "I think we're in business."
Okay I was really nervous about writing the Grandmaster because I've never written such a weird character before. I did not need to worry. It came out super easily. It was awesome.
In case it wasn't clear, "Wrinkles" is Ebony Maw, and the reason he and Cull are so eager to get their hands on our heroes is because they recognized the power source of the transporter from that blue flash. They know they're looking at people with access to an Infinity Stone.
It's never stated in Ragnarok, but the only way Hela's massacre of what seems like 90% of Asgard's people makes sense to me is if the Asgard plotline took a couple years. Which would also account for how long Heimdall's hair is. He probably needs about four years to get it that long, and only two of those years are accounted for, assuming he only started growing it out after "Odin" fired him, which probably wasn't immediately after TDW. So there, I fixed it. Also, what the Grandmaster says about his own age makes me think time doesn't really touch you on Sakaar, which also explains how Valkyrie, who should be at least a thousand years older than Thor and Loki, looks younger than them.
Also, when I said not to discuss Endgame in the comments, that didn't mean I wanted people to send me private messages about how much they hated it. I quite enjoyed the movie and have very few complaints, so you're in the wrong place if you want someone to rant about it with you.