JENNIE

To say that I've been avoiding Lisa would be an understatement. As the days have passed—only two of them, though it feels like forty—I have avoided her at all costs. I know she's here in this house, but I can't bring myself to see her. She's knocked on my door a few times but was met with a weak excuse from me on why I'm not answering.

I just wasn't ready.

However, I've put off what I need to tell her too long now, and Karen is bound to get restless, I know it. She is bursting at the seams with happiness, and I know she doesn't want to keep the addition to their family a secret for long. She shouldn't have to; she should be happy and proud and excited. I can't ruin that for her by being a coward.

So when I hear those heavy boots outside my door, I wait silently, pathetically, both hoping for a knock and wishing for her to go away. I'm still waiting for the day when my mind clears, when my thoughts go back to making sense. The more time that passes, the more I begin to question how clear my thoughts have ever been. Have I always been this confused, this unsure of myself and my decisions?

I wait on my bed, eyes closed and lip throbbing between my teeth, for her to leave before knocking. I'm disappointed, yet relieved, when I hear her door slam across the hall.

Gathering all my strength and my phone in my hand, I check my reflection in the mirror one last time and then cross the hall. Just as I lift my hand to knock, the door opens, and there stands Lisa, looking down at me.

"What's wrong?" she immediately asks.

"Nothing, I—" I ignore the twist in my stomach as her brows pull together in worry. Her hands touch me, thumbs gently pressing into my cheeks, and I just stand in the doorway, blinking up at her, not a coherent thought within reach.

"I need to talk to you about something," I finally say. The words come out muffled, and she's looking down at me with confusion clouding her brilliant eyes.

"I don't like the sound of that," she remarks somberly and drops her hands from my face.

Going to sit on the edge of the bed, she beckons for me to join her. I don't trust the lack of distance between us, and even the thick air in the stuffy room seems to be taunting me.

"So? What is it?" Lisa spreads her hands out behind her head and leans back into them. Her athletic shorts are tight; the waistband of them hangs so low that I can tell she is not wearing boxers underneath.

"Lisa, I'm sorry that I've been so distant from you. You know I just need some time to figure everything out," I say by way of a preamble. That wasn't what I had planned to talk to her about, but my mouth apparently has different plans than my head.

"It's okay. I'm glad you came to me because we both know that I'm shit at giving you space, and it's been driving me fucking crazy." She seems relieved now that the words are between us. Her eyes rest on mine, and I can't look away from the intensity behind them.

"I know." I can't deny the control she has seemed to gain over her own actions during the past week. I like that she's become a little less unpredictable, but the shield that I've built is still present, still lurking in the background, waiting for her to turn on me, the way she always does.

"Have you talked to Christian?" I ask, needing to move back to the topic at hand before I'm too far lost in the endless mess of us.

Immediately she tenses, scoffing, "No." He squints at me.

This isn't going well. "I'm sorry, I don't mean to be insensitive. I just want to see where your head is right now."

She doesn't respond for a few moments, and the silence stretches between us like a never-ending road.