Okay, hands down this is the most patient fandom I've ever seen. For real, I can't believe how patient and still invested so many of you have been to read more of this fic. So, because of your persistence and awesome comments asking when it would be back, I sat down and fought against my block. Luckily I had some of this chapter already planned out, but it still was a struggle. I hope this lives up to everyone's expectations. And as some might have noticed, I have a Tumblr account and I finally sat down and posted something on it (I'm not quite sure how it works, but there it is nonetheless if you want to say hi!).
This chapter takes place somewhere after Della tells Scrooge that she considers Lena her daughter. I'll pick up where the previous chapter left off (the kids getting their acceptance letters) soon enough.
"Lena!"
The shout ripped through her eardrums as thunder. It was loud, pleading, and restless. And it came absolutely out of nowhere.
"Lena, help!" the shadows enveloped her, swallowing her whole from the comfort of her bed to drag her across the shadow realm and spit her in a room inside the manor "help me!"
Lena coughed out some shadows, getting up from her knees as she took a look around through blurry eyes. It was the triplet's room, but no one was there.
"Hello?" she called, absently walking to the door when she stumbled. She looked down finding multiple pages scattered around and a ripped-out book that laid by her feet. She grabbed it. It was a Jr. Woodchuck Guide. And not any guide.
"Huey, calm down!" a voice pleaded across the hallway, followed by the sound of things shattering.
"Della?" Lena called, rushing towards the noise, only to find the pilot struggling to keep a hold on her oldest child as Huey fought his way out of her grip. His eyes were blood-red, his teeth showing, and his temper completely berserker. The Duke was free.
"Please, son," Della wrapped her arms around him, as he kicked and shouted.
"Help!" the shout came back, only now Lena could recognize who it belonged to. That was Huey's psyche calling, sending an S.O.S signal.
Lena bolted towards them, "Huey!"
Della gazed up at her, surprised to find her there, she hadn't noticed her arrival, all her attention had been focused on her son "Lena, stand back" she commanded and if her black eye was anything to go by, Lena should have listened, but instead, she came close, "Call Launchpad or Beakley, we need to restrict him until he calms down."
"The fight is not here," Lena explained, "I need to go into his mindscape, the Duke of Making a Mess took control."
Della blinked aback.
"Hold him still, I'll be right back," the teen braced herself.
"Take me with," Della said with such determination, that Lena didn't have room to argue. So, instead, she prepared herself to do something completely off the book and invade the psyche of the oldest triplet.
All shadows around stretched over them like a dome before collapsing in a clash of monochromatic grays and drowned sounds, followed by the unforgiving flash of white that blinded them before introducing the two to Huey's state of mind.
The dichotomic parts of his personality were brawling, tangled in a fight in which the rational and centered version of himself was being decimated by the wild and reckless instinct that toyed with him with brutal force.
"Help!" he pleaded, tears rolling out of his eyes as he kept on protecting himself from the raw ire that kept blowing shots at him.
"Huey!" Della was about to jump in the middle of the fight when Lena grabbed her arm, pulling her away.
"Don't!" she urged.
"Lena! I have to help him!"
"That's his psyche! You can't touch him in this state, only he can fight this," she said rapidly, "we can do more damage if we infect his mindscape with our own! We can't harm either part, both are Huey." Once Della stopped fighting, Lena let go.
"So what can we do to help?!"
Lena looked around in a hurry, finding the metallic door, "There!" she pointed at the vault "open that and be ready, once the Duke is in, close it tight!"
Della nodded, rushing to it.
"Huey!" Lena called "you have to cage him back!"
The boy only nodded, his face showed so much fear it was hard not to jump in to help him. He did a fianl attempt and wrestled the Duke, luring him towards the door before tricking him into running right back to the dark corner of his mind. Della quickly shut it, feeling the loud pangs from the other side as the Duke tried to free himself. Once it subsided, Della finally stepped away from the door and Huey's mindscape turned light and peaceful colors again.
He fell to his knees, hugging himself tightly, nursing the multiple scars around his body.
Della carefully approached him, laying a hand over his shoulder, "Huey?" she called softly, noticing the way he flinched under her touch, "Are you okay, honey?"
His body trembled as tears rolled out, "I'm sorry," he chocked out "I lost control of it- of him."
"Huey...what was that?" she asked as gently as possible, but the boy still shrugged deeper into himself.
"That's me," he said "that's my anger, my irrationality the-the things I hate most about myself!"
Every word hurt like knives inside Della's heart, "Huey..." She cradled him into her arms.
"I'm sorry mom."
"Don't be, you don't have to be sorry at all," she kissed the top of his head "And you don't have to hate any part of yourself, sweetie."
"You don't understand!" he sobbed, "He's everything I despise and he- he is me!"
"I understand!" Della urged "Oh, Huey, I understand." She rubbed his back, "I do. We all have our demons."
"I'm not strong enough like you are," he clenched the fabric of her shirt.
"Strong like me?" she repeated.
"You don't lose your temper like Uncle Donald or I do, you have it under control."
Della felt her insides turn and twist, "I don't."
"But you never-"
"I fight against it. Every. Single. Time." The bitterness in her tone marked every word, "And I do it constantly, restlessly. I did it for 10 years because I had a mission and sometimes sheer will would conquer and others I would rip everything in my path and...and give up," she savored the ugly truth in her tongue "that doesn't make me strong, I just...kept it at bay," she gazed back at the vault "like you are doing now" she said in a softer tone "Huey...how long have you been struggling with this?"
He shrugged, taking even less space in the landscape of his own mind, "A long time," he admitted.
Della felt a pang of guilt as if she should have known about this. She was her mother she should have noticed or, asked or something!
"I-I know I shouldn't have caged him back, that I should have embraced him, but sometimes it scared me it was gaining more and more power and I was starting to act more like that- like him-, than like me," he said, scrubbing his eyes.
Lena sighed softly, closing in to sit by their side, "I get it," she said, "Even if it's part of who we are, it's scary," she offered a gentle smile with an easy-going pat on his back, "and just as you don't have to shut him out entirely, you don't have to take it all in at once," she explained "If I was to let in all the shadows at once I would lose myself. So, I know how your reasoning with the Duke played out, you took the rational path."
He shrugged, but nodded, trying to meet her eyes.
Della was taken by surprise when realizing that the teen apparently knew about this on a very profound level. Now that she thought about it, Lena navigated through the place with familiarity, as if she had been there before.
"I couldn't "own it", he was owning me," Huey admitted frustrated.
"Some days it'd be like that," Lena offered a sympathetic smile.
Della breathed in, "But you don't have to go through any of this alone, and...I'm sorry that you have been struggling with this for so long," she said, true regret ringing in her tone "I wish I had known, to help you sooner," she closed her eyes, thinking back to the time they played videogames together, the way he lost his temper. She thought it had been a one-time occurrence, just the combination of stress, excitement, and hours of gameplay...or maybe she just didn't want to recognize what was so familiar, a trait he had inherited from her, "I'm sorry, Huey."
"It's not your fault," he assured, pushing his tears aside in favor of comforting his mother. That somehow felt even worse.
'It is' she wanted to say 'It's because of me' but she kept that sealed in and instead, cupped his face, "We might not be able to change what already happened, but...I want to be here for you, for whatever comes next. I want to help you son and...I want you to trust me with things like this, with whatever struggle you might have," she said earnestly, "I know I still have a long way to go but...whenever you feel sad, angry, confused, or hurt...I hope you know you can come to me," her tone was soft, maybe even pleading. She wanted a relationship with her sons, but like any relationship, it had to be founded on mutual trust. And although they had made progress when it came to relying on one another on a mission, it was a very different thing to be emotionally vulnerable or open about personal issues.
Luckily for Della, Huey understood her perfectly. So he nodded, leaning in to be held in her arms. Della felt her heart race at the action like it shouldn't have been such a surprise, but it still caught her off-guard as she gently wrapped him in her arms, kissing the top of his head.
Lena smiled at the scene, letting them share the moment before gently putting a hand on Huey's shoulder, "Are you ready?"
The red-coded boy nodded, inhaling deeply to brace himself to leave this landscape behind and go back to reality. Colors and shapes re-emerged in a much gentler way than when Lena pulled them into the Shadow Realm but in a much blinding light that took their eyes a moment to readjust to. When Huey finally blinked back the blurriness he notices his mother was right in front of him, arms wrapped tightly around him which she loosened up the moment she also recognized her surroundings. What she didn't expect, though, was the loud gasp that escaped Huey's beak as his face morphed into a worried grimace and his hand hesitantly tried to reach the side of his mother's face.
"Your eye!" he exclaimed, horrified, "I-? Did I-?" his voice quivered.
"It's okay," Della reassured him immediately, taking his hand and driving it to touch her face, to show she wasn't scared of him, "See? It was an accident, your elbow just connected there when I approached from behind, you didn't even see me."
Huey swallowed thickly, nodding once, "I'm sorry, mom."
"It's okay," Della cupped his face, "I know it was an accident," she stressed her point. She was mindful to use the right words because to say he didn't do it was denying that the Duke was a part of him and Della didn't want to push Huey to conceal that or any part of his personality.
Lena smiled to herself before quietly turning around to retrieve the hardcover of the destroyed book. Mumbling a few words under her breath she conjured the missing pages to rush back into place, reconstructing the guide, "Here you go." She presented the book back to its rightful owner.
Huey grabbed it and hugged it against his chest, looking up at her "Thank you, Lena," he said heartedly, but it was clear in his tone he was thanking her for so much more than fixing his guide. He was grateful she had been there, that she had answered a call that was well beyond what the physical realm could explain.
Lena smiled, knowing perfectly well what he meant, "Anytime, Nerd," Lena said, ruffling his red hat in a friendly gesture that she usually reserved for Louie, the only triplet she openly dared to call "brother".
Della smiled at them, feeling that this scene in front of her, having them look out for each other should be what normality looked like and not have to be seen as Lena walking into the manor instead of into her second home.
"I better head out," the teen said after a moment, once sure Huey's mindscape was settled and stable, "Disappearing without saying a word is not my dads' favorite thing about me." She waved a hand with a smirk.
"Do you need a ride home?" Della asked, knowing that being pulled by the shadows without control was usually more demanding.
"It's okay, mom-" she caught herself about to mess up "-entarily I'll be home. I feel fine," she assured making sure Huey hadn't noticed her slip of tongue, "Call if you need anything." She made a little salute before vanishing with the shadows, giving Della an opportunity to take Huey to the kitchen where she prepared him a tea like the ones Mrs. Beakley usually prepared for her while she herself grabbed a pack of ice for her eye and they talked for a few hours, from the little things to the big secrets that each kept quiet about their inner demons.
"So…the time we were playing video games?" Della traced back.
Huey gazed down at his cup before nodding slowly. "Yeah, that was him, um, me," he corrected.
Della averted her gaze, "I'm sorry I didn't realize…"
"It's okay," he smiled softly. "I always figured I had taken after Uncle Donald," he added with a chuckle in an attempt to ease the mood.
"Oh, no. I'm afraid you are very much my son," Della smirked back, ruffling his hat as Lena had, "I basically failed my first piloting exam for one of my outbursts. The instructor felt safer parachuting out of the plane than being my co-pilot." Huey giggled at the anecdote, "but at the end -and with some help- I managed to pass the test, even if it took me a little longer than expected," she said the moral of her story. "So, no matter what it takes or in what scenario, I'm always going to be on your corner, kiddo."
Huey beamed at her words because he recognized the sincerity, the promise of being there as his parent, "Thanks, mom."
"Of course," she leaned in, kissing his forehead, "How about we turn ourselves in for the night?" she suggested after noticing that the dark circles under his eyes and his worn-out expression gave away how exhaustive the whole experience was.
"Sounds good," he jumped out of the stool, placing his mug on the sink before both headed upstairs. Della tucked him in taking advantage on the fact that the other two boys were still up and about. She carefully placed the guide on the nightstand and removed his cap, letting him rest for the night. Once she stepped out of the room, and headed to her own, she knew someone was already expecting her on the opposite side of the hall.
"How is he?" Lena asked, leaning against the wall, her arms folded in the usual careless demeanor she carried herself, but her eyes showed true concern.
"He's better," Della assured, opening her door.
"And you?" Lena pointed at the black eye.
"I'm okay. Honestly, he clocked me by pure bad luck. Some concealer and no one will notice," she replied, "I don't want anyone making questions that might make him feel uncomfortable."
Lena could sympathize with the thought, "Alright, mom," she answered back quietly, looking around before finally pushing herself from the wall and standing in front of her. "…You want me to show you, don't you?" the question echoed through the hallway, bouncing back to her own ears.
Della inhaled deeply before dropping her shoulders and letting go of the knob, "Yeah, I…I wanted to see what…my own mindscape looks like…"
Della knew that it was no easy request, but the thought of unveiling her own demons and finally facing herself taunted her.
"I have to go in too, I'll be able to see everything, you know that, right?"
Della paused to look for her eyes, even if she rather not have Lena be part of it, she would need the teen to be there as well, "I know kiddo."
Lena held her gaze for a moment longer, making sure she really understood the implication before entering the room and stretching her hand, "Okay."
"Right now?" Della asked, "are you sure you can stand that? You shouldn't overwork yourself."
"You are not currently fighting your rage, so I'll be a passive spectator, I'll be fine. This is just an exploration."
Della nodded, trusting Lena to tell her what her limit was. Lately, it seemed like her powers were growing stronger and her endurance in the shadow realm was improving, teleporting farther and farther distances.
So, Della closed the door behind herself and grabbed her hand, as once more, the exterior word was substituted with a landscape that existed beyond the physical plain.
Della figured it would feel like any other shadow travel, but what she didn't expect was this one to feel so personal. It was as though her thoughts had been opened and examined under a blinding light that scrutinized her deepest secrets and now, what lay ahead was the result of it.
Lena gazed around ready to unveil the mystery of what Della's mindscape looked like, finding before her a monumental spaceship that stood tall in the middle of the place, righteously pointing towards the infinite sky above them.
"That's…the Spear of Selene, isn't it?" Lena asked, her sight lingering on it a moment longer before turning to Della, who was equally absorbed watching the craft before them. But then, something even more uncanny caught Lena's eye, "Your…your leg."
Della gazed down at herself, finding that she had both her legs there. Not a prosthetic, not an aftermath of her rash decision and that's when Lena realized it was not an honest projection and Della was still attempting to hide away, even in her own mind.
"This isn't real," the teen sentenced, looking into her eyes.
And as if her words had shattered the mirage itself, it all came crumbling down as the Spear crashed against the surface and Della's leg got trapped under a heavy piece of it, immobilizing her, rooting her to that place, to where it all had started, the beginning of the end of what normality used to be for her.
Della cried out, trying to free her leg as she once did over a decade ago on the moon. She felt the panic, the fear, and desperation of the situation creep over her body and take over her senses. Her hands hastily looked for Oxy-Chew in her pockets, but there was none, and she began to hyperventilate.
"Della!" Lena knelt down before her, wishing to put her hands around her, but knowing that just like in Huey's case, she couldn't intervene, nor move the piece of metal that she knew was nothing but a fabrication of her imagination and darkest memories. "It's not real!" Lena insisted, trying to reach her as the older woman began choking, holding her throat and squeezing her eyes shut "Della, you have to face this to conquer it!" but her words were not being heard.
When Della finally opened her eyes, she found her own reflection in a piece of glass from the debris nearby, but the face that returned the stare was not her own, it was that of the woman she once was so many years ago. And seeing that despair be relived so vividly almost broke her down entirely as more parts of the landscape came crashing.
Lena noticed where her sight was and realized the disassociation between what Della was seeing and who she really was, "Look at her Della," Lena said, her voice firm and commanding, "see that face, recognize that fear," Della chocked on tears this time, "yes, she was scared, she was alone and she had messed up," Lena continued, "but you know what? She didn't give up, not when it mattered, not even when she wished she could, and even if she got hurt and broken along the way, she kept pushing despite the fear and aching. And although there's nothing you can do to change what already happened, that person you are seeing right now, that's not you anymore."
And that's when Della was able to finally gasp for air, filling her lungs.
Lena noticed that the older duck was getting a hold of reality again, so she continued, "this is your mind, Della. You control it, not the other way around."
The pilot closed her eyes and took in a deep breath, calming down, "I made it back," she mumbled to herself, "I made it home. I met my boys, I reunited with Donald and Uncle Scrooge and Mrs. B and my cousins," she kept on listing, "I'm… I'm safe."
And suddenly everything stopped moving and the pieces that were previously falling began to float without any gravity to pull them down. And so, the huge metal piece lifted itself up, freeing Della's leg.
The pilot let out a groan, clutching her knee to her chest, her metallic prosthesis once more in place, instead.
Once sure it was safe to interact, Lena gently placed her hand on Della's shoulder, "M-mom?"
Lena felt the sudden way she was pulled forward as the woman's arms wrapped around her tightly. It was not out of desperation or fear, she was not holding into her as though she was her lifeline, instead, it was with such affection and care and appreciation that it caught the teen off-guard. She could remember in the back of her mind the time she had imagined one of Magica's hugs -because of course, only in Lena's darkest fear she would include a hug from her- and how it made her shiver, but Della had always been warm and welcoming. Maybe the pilot didn't recognize that about herself, but despite all her troubling past, she never stopped caring for others, she never shielded her heart from loving others or from being loved. Even if the older duck didn't realize it, that was one of her greatest strengths and the thing Lena admired the most about her.
So, she hugged back, staying in silence for a long pause before Della could gather her bearings, slowly letting go, wiping her eyes with her sleeve before taking a look around. The chaotic peace of the scenery was both disturbing and beautiful.
"The…the other day Launchpad and I were giving Dewey some piloting lessons… and Launchpad mentioned how many times he has crashed and… I couldn't help but to feel…angry," she admitted, "because he…he has crashed every known vehicle and…and he always get to walk away from it and I've only crashed once in my whole life and…and that almost cost me… everything," she gazed at the projection of the Spear of Selene, the one that was reduced to scrap metal. "On that statistic alone, that makes him a better pilot than me, doesn't it?" she laughed dryly at her own comment, but the self-loading in her tone made Lena's hand find its way to hers. It reassured Della to have the teen anchor her like that, because if Lena was there, then it meant all of the things that surrounded her weren't real.
The shadow-witch sighed, taking another glance around, at how completely desolated and uncannily quiet it was "This is it? This is what you had for ten years?"
Della avoided looking at her reflection for a second time, "Yeah…this was pretty much it before Penumbra and the others decided it was of their convenience to finally make themselves known."
A decade of solitude while simultaneously being less than a mile away from civilization and company, it was almost sadistic to think about it that way, so Della often avoided the topic.
"When…when I was trapped inside of Webby's shadow…" she traced back before swallowing thickly, "she doesn't know this but…but I saw her…mourning me," she finally confessed, "I spent every sleepless night she cried curled into her bed, burying her face into the pillow so no one would hear her while she called my name. It…it went out for days or weeks, I really don't know but…but it was worse than any torture Magica could put me through. Webby was…she was devastated, thinking she had lost me while I was in the same room… I was right there, and I couldn't take her hand. She couldn't hear me pleading her to move on, to stop crying, begging her to let go..." she quickly scrubbed her eyes before her tears could touch the ground, "if you could see inside my head, I'm pretty sure we would be in that room, sitting next to an empty bed and a pillow soaked with tears."
Della wrapped her arm around her, driving her to a half hug, leaning her head over Lena's as both gazed upon a starless night. Not for the last time, Della wished the kid under her wing couldn't understand her pain, because each time she did, it reminded her how much hurt had been inflicted on such a young, tender soul.
"I love you, kiddo," Della mumbled into her hair.
Lena eased into the embrace, but her thoughts wandered a bit farther away than her sight, "Do you think…we will ever be able to take our…" space, "place back? Feel a little bit more…" real, "Normal?"
Della took in a deep breath. Sure, they had been doing so much better, but Della would be lying if she said all that past trauma was water under the bridge, the fact that both were in that scenery was proof enough, "I…I do think so, sweetie," she finally said, "Maybe it's like what you told Huey. Maybe…we should stop pretending all of this didn't happen, stop avoiding it because it is part of who we are, and no amount of therapy will be able to erase this much but…it will help us integrate it into our lives," Della offered, "when we are together we don't tiptoe around this topics," she gestured at the devastation, "perhaps is…time to let others in," she felt the teen tense, "at our own pace, granted but… but when I talked to Uncle Scrooge I felt like this anchor had been lifted from my chest and suddenly I wasn't drowning as badly."
"What if…what we have to say…scares them away?" Lena asked cautiously, rubbing her palms together, a gesture she had been doing more lately since her powers began to grow.
"We are ridiculously lucky to have people that really care and love us deeply. People that wouldn't turn their backs on us because we feel damaged," Della assured, caressing her hair, "and in the off chance I'm wrong, then you will always have me to talk with."
Lena's gentle chuckle alleviated the atmosphere, it suddenly didn't feel as dark and monochromatic, "I know," the teen said confidently because she trusted Della.
"…I think I'm ready to get out of here," Della said after a moment of peaceful silence, looking around the destroyed ship that represented her mindscape, "I fixed this once before, I think I can rebuild it again, better than it was."
Lena smiled at how unwavering her determination was, "Okay, mom."
She stood up, taking upon the offered hand that drove her back to a place where shapes and colors re-emerged while Della's room materialized around them. They had been gone for less than 10 seconds, even if it had felt like a lifetime ago.
Lena stumbled backward, sitting on the edge of the bed.
"Kiddo?" Della called, kneeling at her level.
"Little dizzy," she explained, "I wasn't taking into consideration a moving mindscape."
Della smiled apologetically, "Sorry."
"It's okay," Lena waved her hand, standing up again.
"I can drive you home," she offered.
"It's fine I…I think I'll call Indy," Lena said slowly as if considering her own words, "he is…really trying to understand me…maybe letting him in wouldn't be half bad," she smiled cautiously, their previous conversation echoing in her thoughts.
Della smirked in return, nodding her head, "Alright, sweetie. Call if you need anything."
"Same," Lena replied, "and if Huey feels uneasy again or needs anything, and I mean any-" Lena was about to elaborate but was caught off by Della's chuckle.
"Yeah, I'll let you know if anything comes up with your brother."
Maybe it was how natural it felt, or how fitting it was, but Della didn't realize she had referred to Huey as Lena's brother until she noticed the stunned expression on the girl's face. It has always been a different dynamic with Louie but they had never included the other boys in it, until now.
"Um…yeah. Call me if my brother needs me," Lena answered, rolling the title out of her tongue. It felt…right. She cared a great deal for the red triplet, and she had come to know and understand him better since the first time she had seen the Duke of Making a Mess. She cared for him as much as she did for Louie, even if she didn't show it so often. And if anyone was to ask then sure, she would admit to caring for Dewey too, despite having their disagreements in the past, their current relationship felt fitting to be one of a sibling as well. And she was grateful to him because even if it was bittersweet to admit, Dewey had been the one to take care of Webby while she had been gone, he had kept her company, he had helped her stop crying the nights away.
Della's smile grew equal part softer and wider, "Okay, sweetie. Rest well."
Lena nodded, her cheeks a bit flushed by having admitted and accepted that she had a soft spot for the ducks she so often called "nerds" and played pranks at. Her brothers.
It's been sooooo long since the last time I published, but I think that my time in my other stories actually helped me understand how to grammatically write better (maybe). I cannot make promises for when the next chapter will be, but I'm thinking of making a small one to better link some emotions before going back to the arc of the ducklings going off to college... so, we'll see!