If there was an award for the most selfish being in all of Fodlan, Eve would have given it to Rhea. But she would probably consider herself a close second to the Archbishop. This thought passed through her mind as she sat in the dining hall with the other Blue Lions. To her left was Ashe, excitedly telling her about a new book he found in the market that day. And on her right was Felix who ate quietly though it didn't go unnoticed by Eve that he sat so close their arms brushed against each other more than once. Across from her sat Dimitri, flanked on either side by Dedue and Sylvain. And though the prince was stiff with her after their conversation earlier, Eve found herself content with her situation.
She was sat at a table surrounded by people who trusted her, whether that trust was warranted or not. They were kind and jovial and openly accepted her into their lives. Even those who had been suspicious of her before like Dedue, Sylvain, and Felix were now her friends. In just one month these raucous youths had brought down her defences. It hadn't been since Glenn that Eve had really considered anyone her friend. And now she looked around the table and found herself surrounded by people she considered friends.
All this was undeserved, however, and Eve knew it. She was still lying to all of these people. Even those who thought they knew the truth didn't know everything. These people didn't know her, weren't friends with her. They were friends with the face she put forward of a peasant girl from Faerghus with a rare crest and no knowledge of the outside world. They were all friends with Eve, a name and a face that weren't truly hers. But that didn't stop her from wanting to bottle this moment she was in. She wanted to be happy, to be surrounded by people who would laugh with her and fight by her side.
And for a moment, Eve wondered if it would be too terrible to let Dimitri love her. Perhaps she could learn to love him in return someday. If she allowed him to carry on loving her, maybe one day she could tell him the truth about who she was and it wouldn't matter. But that was entirely too much for Eve to ask of him. Dimitri had been through enough in his life. If she told him who she was, she would shatter his whole view of the world. She couldn't do that to him, not after all he had lived through. As his wife, she would do everything in her power to shield him from that which might hurt him. But to do that, she had to hurt him now and break his heart.
"You've hardly eaten, Eve." Dimitri was looking straight at Eve as he spoke, and she wondered for how long he had been watching her absorbed in her thoughts.
"Can you blame me? I saw first-hand the methods Sylvain used in the kitchen." She laughed in an effort to deflect the prince's worry. It hurt like an arrow to the heart, however, seeing how Dimitri was still so caring and attentive towards her after she had coldly reacted to his proclamation of love. Now she realised why he had been so worried for her when she was injured. Even back then, he was harbouring feelings for her.
Thankfully, Dimitri didn't press the issue and Sylvain cut in with some kind of banter of his own and the topic changed swiftly. Eve gladly returned to her thoughts, now mechanically reminding herself to shovel food into her mouth all the while.
"Something's bothering you." Felix came up to Eve as she was returning her plates, the other Blue Lions having finished their meals now going their separate ways for the evening.
"Nothing you should concern yourself with." Eve gave him a small smile.
"Is it…" Felix trailed off, only trying again after faltering for a moment. "Does it have to do with…?"
"No." Eve shook her head. "Though, we probably should talk about that."
She beckoned for Felix to follow her as she strode out of the dining hall and down the steps towards the fishing pond. The evening air was cool, a welcome change from the warm afternoons they had been having. But though the air was cool there weren't many people hanging around outside, making it the perfect place for Eve and Felix to have their discussion without prying ears.
"You can't keep kissing me out of nowhere and then not saying anything about it, Felix." Eve said finally as they both came to sit on the dock, their feet dangling just above the water's surface.
"You say that like it's a common occurrence." Felix looked out at the pond rather than at her. "I've only done it twice."
"Twice is two times too many, Felix." Eve replied, exasperation in her voice. "Dimitri saw us in the infirmary."
"So what if the boar saw us?" Felix shot back, though this bit of information provided some clarity as to why Dimitri had been acting the way he was.
"I…" Eve sighed, trailing off. "Yes, it doesn't really matter that Dimitri saw us. But what matters is it can't happen again."
"And why's that?" Felix asked, still avoiding looking at her.
"Because I get the feeling you're not doing it just for the fun of it." Eve replied. "I've no idea what's going on in that head of yours, but it'll do you no good to start having any kinds of feelings towards me."
"Feelings?" Felix scoffed. "Don't flatter yourself."
"Felix." Eve's voice commanded attention and Felix found himself finally turning to face her as if he were compelled to do so.
When he did meet her eyes, he was met with a look somewhere between contempt, annoyance, and frustration. It was not a look he had ever been on the receiving end of, and he found he would have preferred if it had stayed that way.
"It would do you some good to be honest with yourself." She said, gaze unwavering. "It doesn't matter to me, but you can still get hurt even if you hold people at an arm's length."
"What's that supposed to mean?" Felix frowned.
"I think you know what I mean." Eve frowned as well, a small crease forming between her brows.
"Please, enlighten me." Felix snarled. He didn't like the way Eve was looking at him. It reminded him a lot of how his father looked at him as if he knew what was in Felix's heart even when he didn't know himself.
"I know that Glenn meant more than anything to you." Eve said softly, fuelling Felix's rage. "And when you lost him it hurt so much. So now you want to keep everyone away so that if you lose them too it won't hurt the same way. But it doesn't work like that, Felix."
"What do you know about loss?" Felix spat back.
"I lost him too, you know." Eve replied evenly. "You aren't the only one who lost Glenn. Rodrigue, Ingrid, Dimitri, we all lost him."
"But he was my brother." Felix balled his hands into fists, willing himself to keep his composure.
"Maybe so. But Glenn was something to all of us." Eve shook her head. "A son, a fiancée, a friend."
"Don't talk like you knew him." Felix hissed. "You're just a servant who blindly follows my father. What would you know about Glenn."
"Felix, he was in line to become the head of House Fraldarius." Eve's frown deepened as she spoke. "He knew everything."
Eve thought back to the older Fraldarius as she spoke, a sharp pain piercing her heart. He had truly known everything; he had known even more than Rodrigue knew. When she lost him, she lost the only person who she had trusted enough to tell the truth. And not only that, she had to live with the knowledge that she could have saved him if she had just been there.
You could have saved me. It's your fault they're all hurting.
It was his voice that haunted her at night, made her doubt her every decision as she navigated her life at the Officer's Academy. But his voice was just one of many that filled her head. There were so many that she had left behind, so many that she had failed. It was why she couldn't let herself consider how she felt about Dimitri or Felix. Her life belonged to the voices now, not herself.
"Everything?" Felix asked with an eyebrow raised. "Is there more to the story than what you told me?"
"There's always more to the story." Eve sighed. "But that's not the point here, Felix."
"What is the point, Eve?" Felix asked, exasperated, as he made a sudden realisation. "Because it feels like every time I try to talk to you, you bring up Glenn as a diversion. It's like you want to get me so riled up about him that I forget to get any real answers from you."
"The point is, Felix, forget whatever it is you think you're feeling about me." Eve said, though she should have been directing her words at herself. She too realised that whenever she got close to feeling something about Felix, she'd bring up Glenn. She'd bring up the thing that would enrage him, the thing that would remind her she wasn't allowed to feel.
"Only if you tell me why." Felix crossed his arms. He wasn't going to let Eve win this easily. She was always holding the cards, always calling the shots. And the only solace he found in it was that she didn't let Dimitri know any more about her than he did.
"You want me to be honest with you when you won't even be honest with yourself about how you feel about me?" Eve recoiled.
"Then I'll make you a deal." Felix narrowed his eyes at her. If she took this deal, he would be one step closer to balancing the scales. "Tell me one truth about yourself, something only Glenn knew, and I'll let go of whatever I'm feeling for you."
"That's not fair." Eve drew in a breath.
"You never play fair." Felix retorted. "It's time someone turned the tables on you. So what will it be?"
Eve hesitated, searching Felix's eyes for any sign of wavering. But he seemed absolutely resolute in his decision. She kicked herself for allowing herself to indulge in his company. She should've pushed him away when he kissed her, should have gotten angry with him after the first time. If she had done all of that, she wouldn't be here now. She only had herself to blame. Now all that was left was to come up with something to say that would satisfy Felix's demand while not giving too much information. And there was only one thing that came to mind that would meet both of those criteria.
"My name isn't Eve."
Eve… No, that wasn't her name. But what else could Felix call her? She hadn't even told him what her real name was. All she had said was that Eve wasn't her name, but that telling him what she was really called would be another secret and their bargain was only for one. Her unwillingness to tell him, however, provided a sliver of additional information. Whatever her name was, it would give something else away about her. Perhaps it would say something about her family or where she was from.
But something became abundantly clear to Felix that evening—Eve was a liar by nature. She lied so easily to him, to Dimitri, to everyone else in their class. Even his father, whom she served so loyally, was being lied to by her. And whenever a lie of hers was exposed, she covered it up with another one.
This revelation should have been terrifying to Felix. Instead, he found himself excited against all better judgement. Eve was a liar, but she had told the truth to him that night. She told him the truth, not the boar. And this led Felix to yet another discovery—he knew exactly how to get Eve to tell the truth to him. All he had to do was continue to let his feelings for her grow. He could abandon his reason and give in to that pull he felt in his chest when they sparred together. Because she would do anything, even tell the truth, to get him to stop. She chastised him for keeping people at an arm's length, but she was just the same as him. And perhaps that's why he was so drawn to her.
Felix found himself unable to continue along this avenue of thought, however, as he became distracted by a sound coming from down the hall. It was a sound Felix knew all too well unfortunately; the sound of Sylvain being as insatiable and deplorable as always. He was glad he had Dimitri's room as a buffer zone, but it wasn't as if their doors were incredibly soundproof.
"Damn it, Sylvain." Felix grumbled, getting out of bed. He wanted to think in peace without Sylvain's activities serving as the background music.
As he opened his door to head down the hall and give the Gautier heir a piece of his mind, Dimitri's door swung open as well. The prince's eyes were blurred with sleep that had clearly been interrupted by the squeaking of Sylvain's bed.
"Mm, kitten." Sylvain's voice was husky, a tone neither man had ever wanted to hear him speak in.
"Are you going to do something about this?" Felix asked with a grimace, motioning towards the offender's door.
"I…" Dimitri was cut off by a particularly loud grunt from Sylvain's room and his face erupted in a scarlet blush. Leave it to His Highness to be so delicate that he couldn't even do anything about Sylvain and his extracurriculars.
"Fine." Felix grumbled when he realised that Dimitri's embarrassment had rooted him to the spot.
He stormed up to Sylvain's door, fist ready to knock, before freezing in place as another voice called out.
"Sylvain I'm-!"
Her voice was hushed as if she were trying her best to be quiet. But the breathless exclamation had been heard by both Felix and Dimitri from where they stood. And as they exchanged a look with each other, they both came to the realisation that there was no denying whose voice that was.
(A/N: if I were giving my chapters names this one would probably be called "Eve Is Not A Good Person And Felix Is Starting To Notice" lol)