Sylvain and Eve didn't talk about what happened after Felix had left the room. They had become friends ever since Sylvain found out about her crest. They joked with each other, spent time together, talked when the other needed it. But what made their friendship work was the unspoken agreement that they were each other's escape. Eve didn't ask Sylvain how he was feeling about his brother and the upcoming mission; Sylvain didn't ask her what was going on with her, Dimitri, and Felix. And perhaps it was naïve and childish of them to simply avoid their problems, but they both used their relationship as a way to steal back what was theirs.
So instead of addressing the wyvern in the room, they simply returned to Sylvain's bed. He took back up his book and Eve nestled once more under his arm. This time, however, she didn't sleep. She knew there was no way she could rest or even close her eyes with all that was going through her mind.
Felix was abrasive. He was quick to anger, and he was never really good at expressing his feelings. Twice now he had kissed Eve without her consent. And even just moments before he had been rough in grabbing her away from Sylvain. All of this meant nothing, though, in the face of all else Eve saw in him.
He was hurt by the way his father abandoned him after Glenn's death. Instead of being a father when Felix needed one most, Rodrigue had opened his arms to Dimitri as a surrogate son. As a result, he never truly dealt with the grief of losing Glenn. Eve saw this, and she knew that was why Felix shut off his feelings towards others. But despite all that it was still evident how deeply he cared for his friends. His harsh words for Dimitri were rooted in concern that one day he might snap. And though he often berated Sylvain and said how he wouldn't flinch if he fell in battle, Felix would be the first to protect his friend on the battlefield. Eve saw through his cold exterior, through his feigned indifference. He was gentle with her when he would open up. And though he struggled, he did make an effort to display his feelings towards Eve.
Is this how Dimitri sees me?
The thought hit her like a tonne of bricks. Despite her best efforts, Dimitri saw through to her heart and loved what he found there. And despite Felix's best efforts, she saw through to his heart as well. But did she love what she found there? Did she love Felix? It couldn't be possible, could it? She barely knew him. But that wasn't really the truth. If anyone knew him it was her. She had seen him grow up, had known him all his life. Eve had seen him fall in love with the blade, she had seen him when he would spar with his brother. She had watched him grow, mature. And she had seen the permanent frown find a way to his face when he lost the most important thing to him.
How dare you think you can love my brother when you abandoned me. He is the way he is now because of you.
Eve shivered involuntarily at the voice that echoed in her mind. He was right, how could she? Felix was the way he was because of her. She had not been there when she was supposed to be; she did not save Glenn.
Lambert.
Glenn.
The people of Duscur.
Her own family.
She didn't save any of them. She had this crest and yet was unable to save any of the people that mattered. Even worse was Glenn had died knowing she could have saved him, he died knowing she was supposed to be there in Duscur.
It had been a spur of the moment decision, something in the pit of her stomach that made her say no. And she said this to him as they took a break from their sparring that night to walk around the Fraldarius estate.
"Glenn, I'm not going to Duscur with you." Eve said, looking up at the night sky.
"What?" Glenn stopped in his tracks. "Why?"
"I feel like something's happening." Eve sighed and turned to face him. "I can't explain it."
"Is it something I said?" Glenn reached out to tuck a piece of Eve's hair behind her ear.
Eve leaned in towards his touch, pressing her cheek to his hand that he let linger in her hair. He was always so considerate of her, even when she was making a nonsensical decision.
"I'm afraid if I leave Rodrigue will be in trouble." Eve admitted after a pause. "I have no real reason to believe something will happen but…"
"It's okay." Glenn comforted with a smile. "At the end of the day your duty is to my father. If you're worried, you should stay."
Eve sighed again as they resumed their walk in silence. She could tell he was disappointed. He had been excited at the prospect of the two of them being able to go on a mission together. She was always by Rodrigue's side, so whenever Glenn travelled he'd often have to leave her behind. But Rodrigue had agreed that now Glenn was getting closer to an age where he could take over as head of the house, it was important Eve got used to being with him. Although, to be fair, it wasn't as if Eve and Glenn were unfamiliar at that point.
"When I get back," Glenn started softly, barely audible, "we'll tell my father the truth."
"About what?" Eve asked, embarrassed to admit that there were so many truths she was hiding she wasn't sure which one he meant.
"About us." He turned to her, eyes ablaze with determination.
"We can't do that." Eve shook her head solemnly.
"Haven't you been through enough?" Glenn asked. "You deserve to have a chance to love someone and have a family."
"Glenn, you have a duty to uphold as the future heir of House Fraldarius." Eve cupped his cheek in her hand, smiling bitterly.
"Does that duty stop me from being honest about how I feel for you?" Glenn frowned though he didn't pull away from her touch.
"Ingrid truly loves you." Eve said rather than answer his question.
"Ingrid's a child." Glenn laughed.
"If you turn your back on her you're dooming her family to obsolescence." Eve said softly.
"There are plenty of other nobles she can marry to save House Galatea." Glenn shrugged. It was his indifference and frankness that Eve had fallen in love with, yet sometimes it could be so frustrating.
"Glenn, your father promised you to her." Eve watched him carefully as he took the hand she held to his cheek in his own. "This isn't the kind of thing you can just say 'never mind' to and go on about your day."
"Kiko," Glenn took hold of her chin when she avoided his eyes, forcing her to look at him, "why did you fall in love with me?"
"Don't call me that outside." Eve's eyes flitted around, afraid anyone might overhear them.
"Don't avoid the question, Eve." Glenn put sarcastic emphasis on that name, tugging at her chin again to demand her gaze.
"You know why, Glenn." Eve huffed. "Do you really want to do this right now?"
"Yes, I do." Glenn smirked. "I want to hear you say it."
"You don't let other people define you." Eve admitted after a moment. She knew exactly why he wanted her to say why she fell in love with him. And as much as Eve hated to lose to Glenn, she always let him win anyways. "Everyone said you couldn't become a knight with your attitude, so you went and became one of the youngest knights in all of Faerghus. You've proven that you don't have to be delicate or political to be a good leader. You gained the respect of your men on your own terms and I admire that about you."
"You fell in love with my defiance, and yet you seek to reign it in?" Glenn grinned, placing a small kiss on the corner of Eve's frowning mouth.
"But." Eve interjected, looking directly into Glenn's eyes now. "I also fell in love with your ability to know when to put your pride aside for the greater good. This is one of those moments, Glenn."
"The greater good?" Glenn guffawed. "What are you, my father? That's exactly the type of thing he'd say."
"Your father is a good man." Eve folded her arms, unamused at Glenn's laughter.
"Maybe so," he shrugged, "but he's old fashioned."
The two of them stared each other down, seemingly at an impasse. Eve knew there was nothing she could do to stop Glenn from revealing the nature of their relationship to Rodrigue. Once he set his mind to something, there was no stopping him. But she wished that just for once he'd think about the greater context of everything. Aside from the implications this would have for his engagement to Ingrid and the joining of the Fraldarius and Galatea families, Rodrigue knew the truth about Eve. And as kind as Rodrigue was, and for as much as he cared about her and Glenn, he would never approve of their relationship.
"You've already made up your mind, haven't you?" Eve asked Glenn, her gaze softening. In the end, she would always bend for him.
"I hope you know this isn't an impulse." Glenn's voice took on a gentler tone and they resumed their walking. "I've been thinking about this for months, about how to tell my father. This trip to Duscur is vital, and if I can prove myself on it then he'll have no choice but to listen to what I have to say about us."
"If it's what you want, I'll stand by you." Eve nodded. She remembered that the first time she had found herself feeling that way about Glenn, she had been terrified. There was no one else she had ever thought she'd put her feelings and agendas aside for. But now she would willingly tell anyone with ears about her crest if Glenn had wished it.
That was one of the last times they ever spoke. Of course, their relationship was still secret when he left, so she only saw him briefly as he and his men departed for Duscur. She wished she had kissed him or told him a proper farewell or gone with him like she should have in the first place. But how was she to know? The growing anxiety that was stewing in the pit of her stomach wasn't a premonition of something happening to Rodrigue, but to Glenn. She had stayed behind because of it, but that feeling was exactly why she should have gone to Duscur.
When the news reached Fraldarius, Eve was almost certain that she had died right then and there. Her throat burned and she lost all vision and she felt as if she were walking on hot coals. It wasn't until hours later she realised the burning in her throat was because she hadn't stopped screaming since the messenger arrived and her loss of vision was on account of the tears that were spilling from her eyes. And it took even longer to realise the pain in her feet was from running off into the woods without her shoes. She woke up the next morning on the forest floor cold and wet and alone and found that she would have much rather slept for all of eternity than return to a world without Glenn.
Eve hadn't thought much about the night she lost Glenn in the past few years. It had been so much easier to avoid it, to act as if it were some long-lost memory. But now that her mind was stuck in the past, Eve was feeling all of that pain all over again. She had not only lost her love, but also her confidant. She lost the only person who had known the whole truth about her. And while it was so much easier to live the lies, Eve found herself afraid that if no one else knew her she might eventually forget who she used to be.
As Eve thought this, she looked up at Sylvain who was busy reading his book. On the surface, he appeared to be a simple man of simple pleasures. Sylvain certainly tried his hardest to get people to expect nothing of him despite his talents. But in the small amount of time that she had gotten to know him, Eve found Sylvain to be trustworthy and empathetic. And while they both had their ulterior motives with each other, they were honest about them. So what was the harm in being just a little more honest?
"Sylvain?" Eve asked tentatively, somewhat hoping he wouldn't hear her, as she propped herself up on her elbow to look at him.
"What's up?" He moved his chin slightly in her direction to show he was listening but kept his eyes on the page he was reading.
"I want to tell you something." She said, each word another nail in her coffin. "And I'm fairly certain you'll hate me afterwards, but I want to tell you all the same."
"You better not be in love with me." He flashed her a grin, finally looking at her with mischief in his eyes.
"You wish." She half laughed, now reminded why it was Sylvain that she had to tell. If she could tell anyone and have a chance at them treating her the same, it was Sylvain.
"But, ah," Sylvain scratched the back of his neck, "if it's something serious you can tell me. I'm not the best guy for serious talks, but if you want me to listen I will."
"Thank you." Eve nodded as she pushed herself up to sit straight.
And without thinking, she spoke the words that had been locked away in her heart for so long. She told Sylvain about her family, about her home; she told him her real name. She told him about her loyalty to House Fraldarius and the unique way in which she lost Glenn. It was not the full truth she told Sylvain, but it was a start. It was a step in the right direction towards living an honest life. And for some reason beyond her, Eve found hope that perhaps one day soon she could live a life without lying to everyone she knew. It was a selfish and naïve hope, but one she found herself clinging to nonetheless.
(A/N:Okay, so I know the game never says anything about Glenn's age or how much older he is than Felix. In my mind, I figured he's considerably older but not so much older that it'd be weird he was engaged to Ingrid. My reasoning is Sylvain is older than the other childhood friends, but he doesn't mention ever being as close with Glenn. So I'd put Glenn around the same age as Miklan rather than around Sylvain's age. Sylvain says Miklan knew what his birth meant for him from, like, day one. So I imagine Miklan was at least of an age where he could have that kind of cognitive capacity. Maybe 5 years old? So that'd put Glenn at around 5 years older than Sylvain. Making him 20 or 21 around the tragedy of Duscur?)