*Content Warning*

This chapter contains elements of self harm. If this is something that can be triggering for you, please either skip this chapter or read with caution. Please practice self care reading this if you know self harm to be something you're sensitive to.

I will place a warning at the beginning of the section if you would like to read and skip over that part.

It wasn't until three days later, on the first night of the Wyvern Moon, that Eve spoke to Felix again. She had been actively avoiding him again, and she could tell it was upsetting him. But it wasn't his usual irritation or anger that showed. Instead, she had more than once caught him looking at her with a heart wrenching loneliness in his eyes.

But she still needed time to collect herself after what happened at their dinner with the Golden Deer. She had been truly angry with Felix over something that honestly shouldn't have bothered her that much. And so she took those three days to figure out where her head was at.

"Felix?"

She came to his door in the middle of the night, well after everyone else was asleep, knocking softly as she whispered his name.

She was surprised when there was an immediate response on the other side of the door, a rustling of sheets thrown aside and the creak of shifting weight. Soon after, Felix was opening the door to squint at her in the darkness of the passage.

"Eve?" He muttered, voice hoarse after having just woken up.

"Can I come in?" She asked in a whisper as she cocked her head to the side.

"Yeah, whatever." Felix was still clearly fighting off sleep, but he stepped back to let her inside his quarters.

She walked over to his desk where she knew he would have a candle, igniting it with magic to cast a soft glow around the room. Behind her she heard Felix's bed creak once more as he plopped down to sit on the edge, watching her closely.

Eve couldn't help but marvel at him when she turned to look at Felix. She almost chuckled to herself at how very 'Felix' his bedclothes were—a loose undershirt and linen pants. She imagined he dressed that way to always be prepared to jump into battle, never caught off guard.

She was also mesmerised by how handsome he looked with his hair down, his raven locks cascading over his shoulders. The only other time she had seen him with his hair not in his signature bun was when he was in the infirmary after their mission in the Holy Mausoleum. It seemed like so long ago now.

"I'm sorry." Eve said finally, remembering why she had come to see Felix.

She walked several paces over until she was standing directly in front of Felix. Eve then sank to her knees, sitting back on her legs to look up at Felix.

"I was absolutely horrid to you the other night." She reached out to grab his hands that were in his lap. "I've no excuse. But I needed you to know that I'm sorry."

Felix still didn't say anything, though even with her head bowed Eve could feel his eyes on her.

"I like you, Felix— a lot." Eve admitted. "And I've been acting so erratic because I'm afraid of those feelings; of how quickly I've come to feel this way about you."

"…I should be the one apologising." Felix said after a moment of silence. "I just can't control myself when it comes to you. And it makes me so angry thinking about how much of a fool I make myself out to be whenever I'm around you."

"You're not a fool." Eve finally lifted her head to look at him, shaking it slightly. "I… I actually find your jealousy somewhat endearing."

"Well, I don't think anyone found me endearing at dinner the other night." Felix blushed at the earnest look in Eve's eyes. It felt so foreign to him to be regarded with such gentleness and adoration.

He was painfully aware of how abrasive he could be when it came to others. Outside of Sylvain and Ingrid, he wasn't really friends with anyone else in their class. Ashe had tried to be friendly, likening Felix to one of his favourite book characters, but Felix had simply berated him. And while he had tried to be nice to Annette by asking her about her songs, she ended up saying he was evil for some reason.

Felix was sure he didn't treat Eve much different from any of his other peers, he wasn't sure he could have. In every interaction he had, he was simply being himself and others interpreted that however they wanted.

"Felix." Eve said his name gently, snapping him back from his thoughts. "I'm sorry it's like this. I wish I met you in another lifetime."

"Can I ask you something?" Felix reached out to hold her face in his hand.

He ignored the fact that she seemed genuine about her remark about another lifetime. Felix didn't believe in any afterlife or ghosts—once you were dead, that was it. But Eve seemed almost certain that she would have another life after this one.

"Anything." She pressed her cheek further into his touch, eyes locked onto his.

"Why did you eat the sweets?" Felix was embarrassed by his own question, but it was too late to take it back.

"The sweets?" Eve's brow furrowed in confusion. "You mean the ones Dimitri brings me?"

"You don't do things without a purpose." Felix willed himself not to react to that name coming from her mouth. "There's always a reason for what you're doing, so I want to know why it is you try so hard to please the boar."

"He's been through enough." Eve began with a sigh, bringing her own hand up to place over the one Felix had holding her cheek. "You and I both know that. And even though I don't love him, I still want him to be happy."

"It's always the same for you, isn't it?" Felix shook his head. "Putting your wants second to those of others. Though I suppose eating sweets to make the boar happy is better than taking on a near fatal stab wound to save Professor Manuela."

"That's why I wanted to learn Heal." Eve responded. "I took what you said when we rescued Flayn to heart. I wanted to stop transferring pain and start healing it."

Felix sighed, bringing his other hand up to cup Eve's other cheek as he brought his head down to rest his forehead against hers.

"I want to tell you to care only about yourself, but I know you won't listen." He muttered under his breath.

"Can't it be enough that I care about you?" She asked in return.

"For now I guess." Felix replied, pulling away to look into her eyes.

Without another word, Eve stood up from the floor and knelt on the bed next to Felix. He watched her questioningly until she wrapped her arms around him and buried her face in the crook of his neck.

"You've looked so sad these past few days." She said into the space above his clavicle, her breath hot on his skin. "I couldn't stand it."

After a moment of hesitation, Felix brought his arms around Eve to reciprocate her embrace. She was warm and Felix relished the way that she seemed to fit so perfectly against him.

"I have to go soon." She admitted sadly. "But I want to stay like this just a little longer."

"Stay as long as you like." Felix whispered.

As he spoke, Felix strengthened his grip on Eve to halfway lift her and shift her body until she was sitting in his lap, legs straddling either side of his hips. She seemed startled by the movement but didn't protest, settling further into his embrace once he had finished shifting their position.

"Felix." His name left her lips in a breathy sigh as he kissed along her neck.

He continued to trail kisses along her neck, her jaw, her bare clavicle. He peppered kisses over the scar that she had gotten because of him. No longer did the scar make him angry, instead it now acted as proof of her feelings for him.

Eve sighed his name again as his lips travelled further until he was kissing the top of her left breast just at the seam of her nightgown. His hands became just as adventurous as his lips, dragging up her bare thighs and hiking up the light fabric of her bedclothes as he did so. His fingers sank into her hips as he pulled her body closer to his, grinding his own hips up to meet hers.

"Felix." Her voice was still breathy but now had a warning tone to it.

"I want you." His own voice came out as an almost guttural growl as he pulled back from his assault of kisses to look into Eve's eyes.

"I know you do." She sighed, placing her hands on his shoulders to hold him back.

"But our ages." Felix resigned, retracting his hands from underneath her nightgown and pulling the hem down to cover her exposed thighs.

"Thank you for respecting that." Eve leaned forward and placed a soft kiss on Felix's lips.

"I won't force you. Ever." He said as he returned her kiss.

"I know." Eve kissed him again, caressing his cheek with her thumb.

She pulled back and ran a hand through his hair, relishing how silky his locks felt in between her fingers.

"You should go." Felix whispered, burying his face into her neck.

"You say that, but you tighten your arms." Eve laughed lightly, ruffling Felix's hair.

Gently, Eve removed herself from Felix's grasp and stood up from his lap. She held onto his hands, though, as she stood, smiling softly.

"What's that look for?" Felix frowned.

"I just… I like this." Eve's smile faltered as if she were suddenly troubled by something. "I wish we could have more moments like this."

"Me too." Felix sighed squeezing her hands lightly. "Now get out of here before I make a fool of myself and ask you to stay."

Eve nodded with another smile, reluctantly pulling her hands away before swooping in for one last kiss.

"Goodnight." She murmured.

"Goodnight." Felix nodded as she opened his door silently.

*content warning for the remainder of the chapter*

Eve stepped into the hallway after giving a cursory glance out to make sure no one else was around. As she closed the door behind her and made to leave for the stairs, she paused at an odd sound.

She turned around, eyes looking around in the darkness as she pricked up her ears. After nearly dismissing it, she heard the sound again. It was a grunt, quiet and muffled, but distinct now that she was listening for it.

Eve stepped towards the end of the hall; there were only two rooms the sound could have come from but she wasn't sure which one it was until she heard it again, clearer this time.

"Sylvain?" She pressed herself up against his door, listening for any movement on the other side.

She heard a sharp intake of a breath that was then held as if he didn't want to be heard.

"Sylvain, it's Eve." She whispered into the crack between the door and its frame. "Are you okay in there?"

There was still nothing on the other side. Eve was sure she had heard something like an almost pained grunt.

"Sylvain, I'm coming in." She said, a little louder this time, as she moved to open the door.

"Don't!" He shouted, panicked, before lowering his voice. "Please. I'm fine."

"Sylvain, you don't sound fine." Eve said, wishing she could see his face to discern what he was thinking.

"Why do you keep repeating my name like that?" He asked. There was almost a tone of anger to his voice that Eve had never heard.

"I-I don't know. I'm just worried." Eve hadn't even noticed she was doing it until Sylvain pointed it out.

"I thought we agreed not to worry about each other." Sylvain said from his side of the door.

Eve didn't answer, instead biting at her lip anxiously. Clearly, Sylvain was hiding something. She knew he was still battling with how he felt about what happened with Miklan. She also knew that she should have talked to him about it.

But their agreement was that they were each other's escape from their issued. She never pressed him when they got back from their mission. She didn't question when he gave the Lance of Ruin to the Professor.

She should have been there for him, but she wasn't.

"Sylvain, please just let me in so I can talk to you." She pleaded softly, a little concerned that his earlier shout may have woken someone.

"Just go to bed, Eve." Sylvain replied. "You shouldn't even be up here."

Out of options, Eve did the only thing she could think of to confirm her suspicion. There was only one reason she could think that he wouldn't want to let her in right then. It was something he used to do when he was younger, something he had hidden very well but not well enough.

As she activated her Crest's power, Eve watched several cuts manifest on her forearms. She blinked back tears as blood beaded up from the wounds and began to form small streams running down her arms.

"Eve!" Sylvain wrenched his door open as he called out her name, looking in horror at her arms. "Put them back. I swear to the Goddess, Eve, put those back."

"Sylvain." Her voice wavered, filled with emotion. "I thought you stopped."

Roughly, he grabbed her upper arm—careful not to grab anywhere that could hurt her—and dragged her into his room.

"Kitten, please." Sylvain begged once he closed the door behind him. "Can you put those back? I don't need to feel any worse than I already do."

"Sylvain, I…" Eve reached out for him, stopping when he flinched at the movement. "When I came to the Academy and saw how you wore your uniform, I was relieved. I remembered when you were younger what you used to do to yourself."

She looked away from Sylvain and her eyes fell on the small dagger that had been tossed aside on the floor, blood still on the blade.

"You would self-deprecate, hide away your talents—anything to have one less thing for Miklan to hurt you for." Eve swallowed thickly. "And then you started hurting yourself, thinking you deserved it. I recognised the signs when I would see you because I used to be that person too. So I was so happy when I came here and I saw your arms because I thought you had gotten better."

"I just learned how to use healing magic." Sylvain mumbled. "I didn't stop, I just got better at hiding it."

"I'm so sorry, Sylvain." Eve stepped forward to grab one of his hands.

"Can you at least let me heal you?" Sylvain asked quietly to which Eve nodded.

He appeared to Eve so much like a child. It was as if he had shrunk despite the fact that he still stood taller than her. He looked so small, afraid, nothing like the self-assured person he pretended to be.

She watched him closely as he healed her, watched the pain on his face. Eve wished there was something she could do for him, some way to take away his pain. She could learn all the healing spells she wanted to, but there was no magic that could take away Sylvain's childhood.

"I'm sorry, Sylvain." Eve repeated her apology once he was finished healing her. "Goddess, I'm so useless. I knew all this time and I did nothing. I saw what Miklan did to you, saw how your own father treated you like nothing more than a stud horse. And all I did was stand and watch because I was afraid of being known."

"It's not your fault, kitten." Sylvain sighed. "What could you have even done? You were a servant. If you reprimanded Miklan, he would have only taken it out on me. And if you went to my father, there's no way he would have listened to you."

"Maybe then." Eve shook her head. "But I knew you were struggling. I knew you were upset about Miklan and the lance and everything that happened in Conand Tower. But I went on holding to our stupid agreement about not asking. You were my escape when I needed one, so I wanted to be yours. But I should have said something. I should have noticed."

"You can't put that on yourself, kitten." Sylvain said as he leaned forward to rest his head on her shoulder. "And I don't want you to."

She stood there in silence, bringing up a hand to rest on Sylvain's head. She knew the sadness in his heart, it wasn't the kind that went away with time. He needed help, but Eve had no idea if she was qualified to be the person to help him.

"You said you recognised the signs because you used to be that person." Sylvain said after some time.

"Yes." Eve nodded.

"When does it go away?" He asked and Eve felt her heart break.

She had never seen Sylvain be vulnerable like this despite the many times she had allowed herself to be vulnerable with him.

"I can't tell you that." Eve admitted, wishing she had a better answer for him.

"Out of everyone," Sylvain said as he straightened to look at her, "I didn't want you to know the most."

"Why not?" Eve asked.

"Because I like how you treat me." Sylvain answered with a hint of remorse. "You don't think I'm just some scumbag skirt chaser like the others. But you also don't look at me like I'm some pitiful result of my circumstances."

"Sylvain, that won't stop." Eve shook her head. "I know that you're more than your pain and you're more than your defence mechanisms. It's true, I worry about you. But that's because you're my friend."

"Friend, huh?" Sylvain looked away almost guiltily. "The truth is, this is the first time in a while."

"Sorry?" Eve frowned in confusion.

"I said I never stopped, that I just got better at hiding it." Sylvain explained. "I said that because I didn't want to admit that I had stopped. Because it makes me feel so much weaker that I would relapse like this."

"Sylvain, what you're doing doesn't make you weak." Eve couldn't help the concern written on her face. "It's not a matter of weakness or strength. And it doesn't just go away. Sometimes those demons come back to haunt you, and sometimes they win. But that doesn't make you any weaker or stronger."

"It's been years since I last did this." Sylvain's voice cracked with emotion. "But having to…kill Miklan; it brought back all those memories. Every night when I closed my eyes, I remembered all the things he did to me when we were younger. And then I remember how he said this was my fault at Conand Tower. As if it were my fault for being born."

"Did it make you feel better?" Eve asked quietly.

"What?" Sylvain's brow furrowed.

"Did hurting yourself make you feel better?" She asked again.

"…no." Sylvain swallowed. "But it made me feel in control. Like this was one aspect of my life that I had any say in."

"Then let's find something else you can control." Eve said firmly.

"What do you mean?" Sylvain frowned.

"I can't… I mean." Eve huffed as she tried to articulate what it was she was trying to say. "As much as I wish I were able to just… make your pain go away, I know that's not possible. Not like with physical wounds. And I know something like this isn't that simple. But if you're doing this because you need control in your life, th-then maybe if there's something else you can control you won't feel the need…"

Eve could feel herself vomiting words, but she couldn't stop. Ever since she came to the Officers Academy, she was constantly being reminded that despite what she had previously thought about herself and her Crest, she was not a healer. She couldn't rid the world of pain—physical or otherwise. She saw it in Dimitri, Felix, Sylvain. There was nothing she could do for them.

"Thank you." Sylvain said, suddenly enveloping Eve in a tight hug.

"Sy-Sylvain?" Tentatively hugging him back after hesitating.

"No one's cared enough to notice." Sylvain mumbled into her hair. "Or at least if they did, no one cared enough to say anything. So, thank you for caring."

"Don't make me sound so noble." Eve shook her head as much as she could in their tight embrace. "I can't make this go away, Sylvain. I can't help you."

"I don't need you to make it go away, kitten." Sylvain sighed as he pulled back to look at her. "You've taken on enough. Stop trying to fix everyone."

"Please." Eve shook her head. "Please let me do this."

Please let me save at least one person. Maybe then the voices of all those I couldn't, didn't, save will be appeased.