"I'm sorry. I don't know why I would tell you that."
As soon as she said the words, Eve regretted them. All this time she had convinced herself that as long as she didn't admit it, she wasn't actually in love with Felix. But here she was admitting it not just to herself but to her dead lover.
Her dead lover whose younger brother she was now in love with.
"This is fucked." She shook her head at herself, eyes scanning over Glenn's grave as if she would find his face there looking back at her.
There was so much wrong with the situation. Her love for Glenn had been morally questionable to begin with. He had always joked that she would never find someone her age—which was true. The list of eligible bachelors anywhere near her age was limited to Seteth and Seteth only.
But Eve had still always felt rather predatory about it—with Glenn as well as her other previous romantic partners. What made her situation now even worse was that Felix was still just a child. Only taking physical age into account, it was still a questionable relationship.
And all of that wasn't to mention that Felix was her former lover's younger brother. That issue alone was enough to raise eyebrows. Even now after admitting to herself—and Glenn—that she loved Felix, Eve still wasn't positive that those feelings weren't just her projecting the remnants of her love for his brother onto him.
"Glenn…" She whispered, wine-stained lips separating as she tried to find her words. "What do I do?"
Her voice cracked as she finally let the tears that were blurring her vision fall upon her cheeks.
"You always chose your duty; I know that's what you'd tell me to do." Eve hung her head, already knowing the answer to her question.
She just didn't want to hurt any of them. The truth was, she hadn't wanted to be in love with anyone.
It was why she had reacted so vehemently against Dimitri's proclamation of love. Eve knew herself well enough to know that Dimitri was exactly the kind of person she could learn to love. He was kind, well-spoken, attentive to others, loyal—all the things she had loved in Glenn. But loving anyone else so soon after losing him felt like betraying Glenn.
So she pushed Dimitri away; refused his affections because she wouldn't let herself love anyone other than Glenn. She thought entertaining her little flirtation with Felix, a living reminder of the person she let die, would help push Dimitri away.
Eve had initially been drawn to Felix because of how much he reminded her of Glenn. But very quickly she realised how different the two brothers were and her feelings for Felix started to blossom.
It was almost as if when he died Glenn had split into two people—Dimitri and Felix. His kindness went to Dimitri; the gentle part of him that was tender with Eve and protective of Felix. And his fire had gone to Felix; his passion and his brashness taking root in his younger brother.
"I promised him until the wedding." She whispered to herself, to Glenn, to the Goddess, to anyone listening. "I won't decide until that time comes."
Felix found himself unable to sleep after returning to his childhood quarters and settling into bed. His head was swirling with thoughts of Eve—her proclamation of love, her drunkenness, her relationship with Glenn.
It still bothered him that Eve would have preferred to take her problems to a tombstone than to any of her living friends. Did she truly not trust any of them that much? Or was her relationship with Glenn so much stronger than she had led him to believe?
It felt odd to be back home, knowing as much as he did now. He wondered how many times he had passed Eve in these very halls. How many times had she greeted him? How many times had she brought him his supper in his room when he refused to eat in the same room as his father? How many times had he disregarded her humanity because she was nothing more than a servant to him?
With a sigh, Felix pulled his sheets back and climbed out of his bed. He knew he wasn't going to get to sleep anytime soon, so he might as well wander the halls he knew so well.
He found himself walking towards the area of the estate where his father took up residence. Felix was curious to know if Eve might have stayed in that wing for the night to be close to his father who she was still so loyal to.
And as he came to a secluded hall far from where he and the other Blue Lions were staying, he saw a door open just a crack with light pouring from it.
He walked over on silent feet, peering into the opening from the shadows of the hallway. Inside, he saw a raging fire in a hearth that illuminated the room in its bright glow. Sitting before it on a sofa were two figures speaking to each other in low voices.
It took a moment for Felix to register the figures as Eve and his father. They seemed so comfortable, almost too much so. Eve had drawn her feet up onto the sofa and was leaning into his father's side, her head resting on his shoulder. It made Felix feel rather uncomfortable to see her be so familiar with his father in this way.
And that discomfort was almost enough to outweigh his curiosity as to why the two of them would be together at this hour. He was considering walking away until he heard his own name.
"How much have you told Felix?" It was his father who spoke, turning his head just slightly to look down at Eve's face.
"Not much." Much to Felix's relief, Eve straightened up to answer Rodrigue and now sat cross-legged facing him. "He doesn't remember me which is probably for the best."
"Will you tell him the truth?" Rodrigue asked.
Felix pricked up his ears to hear Eve's response. He had thought he knew a considerable amount about Eve given she had very quickly told him about her Crest and her relationship with his family. To hear her say she hadn't told him much of the truth was astonishing.
"No, I don't think I will." Her answer sent ice down Felix's spine. "It serves no purpose for him to know. Once I am married to Dimitri, I will no longer serve house Fraldarius."
"I suppose that is fair." Rodrigue muttered. "It does feel rather melancholic to send you away after all you've done for this family."
Felix remembered what Eve had said in the graveyard about his father blaming her, but from the way they spoke he couldn't pick up on anything like that. Remembering how she had been earlier, though, made him wonder when she had come back inside and sobered up.
"You're not sending me away, Rodrigue." Eve shook her head. "You've given me another chance."
"I must say I am truly astounded by the attention His Highness pays to you." Rodrigue mused. "The way he came to your aid on the battlefield—I've never seen him act so rapidly."
"He's a good man." Eve dipped her head in a shallow nod of agreement.
"What about my Felix?" Once again, Felix perked up at the mention of his own name. "I trust he's not given you any trouble?"
"Trouble?" Eve laughed. "No. He and I have become very close."
"That is good to know. I know how much it used to hurt you to see him." Rodrigue said.
How much it hurt her to see him? Had he hurt Eve in some way that he didn't remember? What had he done to her? Panic was coursing through Felix's veins as he tried to decipher what it was his father's words meant and the blood rushing in his ears wasn't making it any easier for him to hear their quiet conversation.
"I know how much you blamed yourself for Glenn's loss despite the fact that you two were never that close." Rodrigue continued. "And I know how much Felix reminded you of his brother. I do sometimes marvel at how similar the two of them look."
Never that close? The way Eve had described it to Felix, Glenn had been her confidant and they were close simply because of the order of succession. But if she had hidden it from his father, what exactly was her relationship with Glenn? Had they been close for some reason other than their circumstances?
After a few months of feeling like he was getting closer and closer to Eve, suddenly Felix felt like he had been pushed to the farthest reaches of her life. He knew nothing about her. He had prided himself in knowing more than the boar, in being trusted with information from her, but in actuality he knew nothing.
"You do realise he's not Glenn, right?" Eve's voice brought Felix back to reality.
He was stunned by the severity in her inflection. Obviously, she and his father were close, but he couldn't imagine her taking on such an accusatory tone with someone she respected. Not to mention the power dynamic between a Lord and his servant.
"I know this." Rodrigue's voice sounded rather defensive in response.
"You need to talk to your son before you lose him too." Eve said.
"Excuse me?" Rodrigue balked. "Are you telling me how I should father my own child?"
"Rodrigue, you and I have known each other for a very long time." Eve's voice was level, firm. "I think it's time I stopped standing on ceremony."
"Then what is it you are trying to say?" He asked, still defensive yet willing to hear her out.
"Felix feels like he's living in his brother's shadow." Eve said sorrowfully.
Felix felt conflicted about the way she talked about him. On the one hand, it felt gratifying to know how much she cared about him and that she would stand up for him against his father. On the other hand, however, it irritated him that she felt like he couldn't fight his own battles. He didn't need her to talk to his father for him—he hadn't asked her.
"When Glenn died, you acted like you had no more sons." Eve continued. "And rather than be there when Felix needed you most, you turned to Dimitri as a surrogate son."
"His Highness had just lost his entire family." Rodrigue shook his head. "Was I supposed to leave him without any support?"
"I'm not saying that." Eve sounded irritated. "What I'm saying is your son needed—needs—you. And instead all you've done is bolster Dimitri and hold him up on a pedestal while constantly comparing Felix to Glenn. You're always talking about the dead—Glenn, Lambert—but you turned your back on those of us that are still living."
"If Felix had an issue with it, he would tell me." Rodrigue replied stiffly.
"He has!" Eve burst out in indignation. "You say he's got a temper and that he doesn't respect you, but those are just a result of him feeling like you never cared about him or Glenn. Do you have any idea how much Felix is still hurting from Glenn's death?"
"I know that we all processed his brother's death in different ways." Rodrigue sighed. "I simply cannot bring myself to condone his hostile actions and engage with him when he is being like this. He gives me no opportunity to speak with him."
"You have to show him you trust him." Eve said. "I think a show of good faith would go a long way to repairing your relationship. Let Felix know that you trust him, that you don't just see him as a child or as Glenn's little brother."
"A show of good faith…?" Rodrigue muttered in thought. "Unfortunately, I have no idea what I could do to show Felix I trust him. Which I suppose has proved your point."
"Well," Eve seemed oddly prepared with a suggestion, "he bears the Major Crest of Fraldarius, does he not?"
The next morning, as the Blue Lions were readying to return to Garreg Mach, Felix approached Eve the second she was without Dimitri. She was helping a few of the others to pack up the rest of their belongings and some provisions for the journey back.
"You told my father to give me the Aegis Shield, didn't you?" Felix brandished the Relic as he spoke, its unusual glow illuminating the space between them.
He had left the night before shortly after Eve had suggested his father show Felix he trusted him. He had heard her mention his Crest, but nothing more. And after that, he hadn't had the patience to put up with any more of his father's blubbering.
"I don't tell Rodrigue what to do." She shook her head, looking at the shield with mild surprise.
There was something else in her eyes too—sadness?
"I heard you last night." Felix replied, earning himself a worried glance from Eve.
"I just planted the seed in his mind." Eve answered. "Felix, I do hope you don't make a habit of eavesdropping on my conversations."
"What was your relationship with Glenn?" Felix asked suddenly.
"Felix, you know this." Eve's brow furrowed and a small frown settled on her lips.
"No." Felix shook his head. "I know what you told me. But based on what I heard last night; you didn't tell me the truth. My father thought that you weren't close with Glenn. If you were only close to him because he was next in line to become Lord, then he would've known about it."
"I never said I was close to him only because he was set to inherit your father's title." Eve shook her head again, walking away to grab some of the baggage to load onto the horses.
"You implied it, though." Felix followed after her.
"Yes, that's true." Eve sighed in resignation. "I phrased it the way I did because I wanted you to misunderstand. You know I don't like talking about my past."
"But I thought it'd be different with me." Felix couldn't help the dejection that crept into his voice. "I thought you trusted me."
"I do." Eve stopped dead in her tracks to fiercely meet Felix's gaze. "Felix, it is important to me that you know I trust you."
"How am I supposed to know that you trust me when you never give me a straight answer?" Felix asked, genuine hurt in his eyes.
Eve continued on in silence for a moment, chewing at the inside of her lip. Felix followed after her, helping her lift the heavy bag she was holding to secure it onto someone's horse.
"Do you know why I like you, Felix?" Eve asked after quite some time of quiet thought.
"No." Felix shook his head.
Genuinely he sometimes wondered why Eve would ever be drawn to him—especially when he thought about how he treated her when she first arrived at the monastery.
"It's because you live in the present." She answered. "Everyone around me is so stuck in the past, myself included."
"What does this have to do with anything?" Felix frowned.
"I don't tell you much truth about the past because I'm tired of living in it." Eve faced him once more, meeting his eyes to convey her sincerity. "I don't avoid telling you about the past because I don't trust you. It's because I don't want you to be one more person in my life who is more concerned about who I used to be than who I am now."
"So I have to ask: can you be satisfied by that?"
Her question took Felix by surprise. Could he? Could he be content knowing that Eve was purposefully concealing her past from him?
Part of him had so many questions boiling inside of him after all he had overheard the previous night. He wanted to know more about her relationship with Glenn and with his father. She was so familiar with his father in a way that was astounding for a myriad of reasons. And yet Rodrigue had been under the impression that Eve and Glenn had not really been close before the Tragedy of Duscur.
And he still had so much he wanted to ask about why she would get so drunk and turn to Glenn's grave to bare her soul. He still didn't understand why she would have been that upset in the first place to be back in Fraldarius territory. And he especially didn't understand why she wouldn't have turned to someone who could actually offer her advice.
But Eve's gaze was so earnest, so hopeful. He remembered what she had said to Glenn's tombstone the night before.
He's the only one who doesn't look at me like I'm the reason you're dead.
Could he really live with himself if he took that away from her? And if he asked too many questions, would he still be the person she had told Glenn she was in love with?
"I'll be satisfied as long as you don't push me away." Felix avoided her eyes as he spoke, trying his best to keep his composure despite saying something so embarrassing.
"You have no idea how happy that makes me." Eve whispered so that only the two of them could hear her voice.
"Eve!" Dimitri's shout cut into their moment before Felix could respond. "Are you ready to depart? We will be embarking soon."
"I should go." Eve turned back to offer Felix a small smile. "I'll see you back at the monastery."
With another smile and a shallow dip of her head, Eve moved to walk past Felix and towards where Dimitri stood by their horse. But just as she passed, Felix was overcome by the impulse to have the last word—to let her know that he had overheard her not just with his father but in the graveyard as well.
He wanted to say something to make sure that he would be the one on her mind as she clung to the boar's back on the ride to Garreg Mach. And so, he turned his head slightly to let his lips just barely ghost on the shell of her ear as he whispered to her:
"I love you too."
(A/N: My schedule for this coming week is insane, so I'm uploading this now while I have a chance. Hopefully I'll be able to get another chapter out during the week, though.)