Whatever it was that Felix said to Eve as she approached Dimitri, it had her widening her eyes in terror. Her confident stride momentarily stuttered as she blinked to regain her composure.
Dimitri couldn't help but wonder what it was he had said to her. And as she drew closer to him, it became evident that whatever it was had shaken her to her core.
"Is everything alright?" Dimitri asked, trying his best to sound casual and not like he was prying.
"…yes." Eve faltered momentarily as if she hadn't heard him initially. "Just a little sad to be leaving Fraldarius again."
Dimitri knew that wasn't the issue, but he knew pushing the matter wouldn't get him anywhere. Instead, he nodded curtly and turned to mount his steed. Once he was in position, he turned to offer his hand for Eve, but she had already somehow found a hold on the saddle and was hoisting herself up by that alone.
With a pang in his heart, Dimitri wondered if she did this intentionally. He was always offering his hand to her, inviting her to reach out to him. Dimitri was a man of his word and he was determined to stick to his promise never to touch Eve unless she invited it or asked it of him. But that didn't mean he didn't want to have contact with her. And so he foolishly continued to offer his hand to her, hoping one day she would take it.
"Did you have a chance to catch up with Rodrigue?" Dimitri asked as casually as he could as they set out. "I know the two of you didn't have a chance to really speak when he was last at the monastery."
"Rodrigue is just as stubborn as always." She chuckled in response though Dimitri got the feeling it was more to herself. "Though for once he finally listened to me. I hope it does some good."
"Listened to you?" Dimitri prompted. "What did you say to him?"
"I suggested he give Felix the Fraldarius Relic." She answered.
"Why would you do that?" Dimitri tried to keep his tone light, simply curious rather than stunned.
"Rodrigue needs to show Felix he trusts him if they're ever going to start to mend their relationship." Eve replied with a certain melancholy. "They're all they have left; it would break my heart to see the Fraldarius family fall apart because two stubborn boys refuse to talk to each other."
It struck Dimitri as odd that Eve would refer to Felix and Rodrigue as boys rather than men. But then all of a sudden, he was reminded of the conversation between her and Captain Jeralt that he had overheard.
To Eve, Rodrigue and Felix were just boys—so much younger than her that she couldn't consider them men.
But even considering this, it still was odd to Dimitri that Eve would be so unguarded as to phrase it that way. She always gave off the impression that she was very meticulous with her words. Referring to Rodrigue as a boy was sure to raise questions in anyone's mind regardless of how much they knew about her.
Perhaps it was a test. Or perhaps this was a sign that Eve actually wanted to tell Dimitri the truth. She wanted to trust him, secretly cared for him deeply.
Disgusting. With just one word you can convince yourself of a delusion.
The voices of the dead echoed in Dimitri's mind, quashing the hope that had started to rise in his chest. They were right, of course. He was making something out of nothing. She was probably just calling them boys to emphasise her point that they were childishly stubborn.
"You truly care about House Fraldarius, don't you?" Dimitri asked, clearing his throat when he realised he hadn't responded to Eve.
"I just don't want to see another family fall apart."
Dimitri felt the weight of Eve resting her forehead against his shoulder blades as she spoke. Once again, he was surprised at how uncharacteristically unguarded Eve was being with him.
She seemed preoccupied; too worried about something else to focus on keeping her defences up.
"What did Felix say to you before we left?" Dimitri pressed his luck, wondering if her preoccupation would reward him with the truth.
"He said he loves me too." She muttered into his back.
Dimitri stiffened. He had in fact been awarded the truth, but now he rather wished he hadn't.
"T-too?" He stammered, not daring to look back at her.
"Last night I went to speak with Glenn." Eve answered. "Felix must've overheard when I told his brother I think I'm in love with him."
"I see." Dimitri swallowed the lump in his throat.
Once again, he didn't know why he was so affected by this. He knew that Eve did not love him; he knew that she was involved with Felix. But back in Abyss she had told Felix she didn't love him and that she wouldn't let herself. That had been of some comfort to Dimitri, but now all of that was shattered.
"I'm sorry." Eve apologised, bringing her head up from where it rested on his back. "Normally, I would have lied."
"I prefer the truth." Dimitri lied.
"The lies never hurt, though." Eve was quick to reply.
"They do when I find out they're lies." Dimitri shook his head.
"If." Eve corrected.
"Sorry?" Dimitri frowned at the road ahead.
"If you find out they're lies."
She was right, of course. Dimitri had no ideas how many lies Eve had told him, so he could only attest to the ones he had exposed as lies.
He wondered if she would ever tell him the whole truth; if there would ever come a day where she trusted him enough to do so. But Dimitri also wasn't sure if he'd ever deserve that. Could he ever become a person who would be deserving of Eve's trust and affections? Even a person she thought she loved like Felix didn't know the whole truth, so how could Dimitri believe he'd ever earn the privilege?
"I'm sorry you had to love someone like me." Eve said quietly, almost inaudible.
Dimitri was once again stunned by her behaviour. Being back in Fraldarius had triggered some kind of dramatic shift in Eve. She seemed almost as if she were mourning—caught somewhere between someone she used to be and the person she had become.
"You have no need to apologise to me." Dimitri said in response.
"After the wedding, I promise I'll be good." Eve leaned her head against Dimitri's back again.
Her voice sounded like she was trying to be comforting. Instead, her tone and wording made it sound more to Dimitri that she was a hostage. He had accepted this proposal in the first place because he thought it would give Eve freedom.
Dimitri had never been keen on the idea of an arranged marriage but had always known it was the most likely path for him. The idea of chaining some poor stranger to his life had been a source of great dread for Dimitri.
So he had thought that marrying Eve would be the perfect solution. Rather than imprisoning someone as his queen, he was allowing Eve to be free in her marriage to him.
He had been foolish to think such a thing, though; to think that anyone could love him as he was and be happy with him.
"Once we are wed, I will put an end to all of this." Eve added in that sad voice of hers. "I will be a good wife and you will have a family again."
"I will do everything in my power to make you happy, Eve." Dimitri's voice caught in his throat, choked by the unnameable emotions that were clouding his mind. "So, please, don't sound so sad."
"I know you would." She sighed. "That's why it's so sad."
When they returned to the monastery and their usual routines, something had shifted— and Eve knew it was her fault.
She had been too candid with Dimitri on their ride back from Fraldarius territory. Between her unexpected reaction to being back to her conversation with Rodrigue to Felix telling her he loved her, Eve hadn't been guarded enough. She had said too much and had hurt Dimitri deeply.
Being back in that estate, walking those same halls she used to walk with Glenn, had had an impact on Eve that she hadn't been prepared for. It had been years since Glenn's death; Eve had walked those very halls thousands of times without him. Being back shouldn't have affected her as much.
And yet as soon as she had entered the estate she knew so well, Eve had been overcome by grief. It was almost as if in being away she had convinced herself that Glenn wasn't dead, and she could return to Fraldarius and he would be there waiting for her.
But, of course, he hadn't been there upon her return. His quarters were still empty—left untouched as it had been all those years.
"How're you holding up?"
Eve snapped out of her daze to look up at Sylvain from where she sat on the edge of the fishing pond's pier.
"I thought we agreed we don't ask questions." Eve looked back out at the water as the redhead plopped down to sit beside her.
"I think we both know how unhealthy that was." Sylvain laughed bitterly. "I know you're not gonna talk to Felix or His Highness about it."
"I said too much and I hurt Dimitri's feelings." Eve muttered.
"I don't care about that right now." Sylvain's voice was uncharacteristically serious, causing Eve to look over at him curiously. "I asked how you're doing."
"Does it really matter?" Eve shook her head softly.
"Yeah, it does." Sylvain nodded earnestly. "This was your first time back in Fraldarius since everything happened. Don't think I didn't notice you disappeared when we got back from fighting."
"I went to see Glenn." She sighed, finally giving in. "I… I told him I think I'm in love with Felix."
"Are you?" Sylvain jolted back in surprise.
"Yes?" Eve frowned. "Maybe? I don't know."
Sylvain wrapped an arm around Eve's shoulders and pulled her into his side, resting his head atop hers. She knew he didn't know what to say—neither did she. Both Dimitri and Felix were his friends, and she knew he wouldn't want to see either of them hurt.
"You know His Highness would do anything for you, right?" Sylvain finally asked.
"Yes." Eve nodded. "Though I don't know why."
"If you truly love Felix," Sylvain lowered his voice, "there's no doubt in my mind that His Highness would do anything to make sure you're happy."
"What are you saying?" Eve pulled away from Sylvain to look at his face, confused.
"You promised Felix until the wedding, but maybe you could come to an agreement with His Highness about maintaining a secret relationship with Fe." Sylvain shrugged.
"No." Eve balked, shaking her head. "No, I won't do that to him."
"Then do you really love Felix?" Sylvain asked in response. "If you're willing to put a hard deadline on your relationship, do you love him?"
"That's not fair, Sylvain." Eve shook her head again. "There's so much more at play than just the three of us for it to be that simple."
"Remember what I said to you a while ago, though?" Sylvain cocked his head to the side. "About how you loved Glenn so much you would put anything else to the side for him?"
"Yes." Eve nodded. "And I remember you asking me if I would do the same for Felix."
"Would you?" Sylvain prompted with raised eyebrows.
"Things are different now." Eve sighed. "Back then it was just Rodrigue that I would be defying."
There was so much more to it now, so many more factors that kept her from thinking about her relationship with Felix. One of those being Dimitri, though she'd never admit that.
"What about His Highness?" Sylvain asked suddenly—almost as if he could read her mind.
"What about him?" Eve's brow furrowed in response.
"I don't think I've ever heard you talk about how you feel about him." Sylvain mused, stretching his arms above his head.
"That's because I don't." Eve replied quickly—as if to stop her own mind from thinking about it.
"You don't feel for him?" Sylvain raised a sceptical eyebrow.
"You know that's not what I mean." Eve sighed.
"Do I know what you mean?" Sylvain raised an eyebrow again. "The way you are with His Highness… I mean, some of that's got to be real, right? That can't all be an act."
"Can't it be?" Eve frowned.
How did she feel about Dimitri? She never gave it much thought past knowing she couldn't return his feelings of love.
To be fair, Eve wasn't sure she could love Dimitri even if she wanted to. Neither of them were truly the person they were on the outside. Sure, Dimitri was kind and attentive and chivalrous on all counts. Eve knew, however, that there was so much darkness hidden beneath that façade. She felt that she couldn't speak on how she felt about Dimitri because she didn't actually know who he was.
"Why did you promise Dimitri so much?" Sylvain asked after a pause.
"All I promised was to be a good wife." Eve said with a frown.
"That's a lot, kitten." Sylvain sighed. "Because whatever a 'good' wife is, that's up to interpretation. You and I both know that His Highness will expect too much of you with a promise like that."
"He deserves someone who will be good to him." Eve looked back out at the water, swinging her legs delicately.
"Why do you care so much?" Sylvain asked, peering over to look at Eve's face.
"Because Lambert-"
"No." Sylvain cut her off. "I know that's not it. Do you only care about Felix because of your guilt for Glenn?"
"Of course not." Eve snapped her head up to look at him.
"Then I refuse to believe that's the only reason you care so deeply for His Highness." Sylvain said, softer this time.
"Sylvain, what are you hoping to get out of this?" Eve looked at him curiously, trying to read his features for any ulterior motives.
She didn't know why he was suddenly pressing her so much. He had, of course, bothered her previously about whether or not she loved Felix, but it had never really gone beyond teasing. Now, he seemed to truly want her to make up her mind.
"I can see that it's killing you, kitten." Sylvain shook his head softly. "I thought maybe forcing you to think about it would help you make up your mind. You need to consider why you care so much for His Highness when deciding what to do about how you feel for Felix."
"I feel so guilty thinking about it, though." Eve wrapped her arms around herself, thinking about the arms she wished were wrapped around her. "I don't think I'll ever love someone the way I loved Glenn"
"That's the point, though. You can't compare how you feel about Felix or Dimitri to how you felt about Glenn." Sylvain replied.
"Sylvain, do you really think you're in the position to be giving relationship advice?" Eve half-laughed, trying to distract herself from the turmoil that was beginning to brew in her heart.
"Just… promise me you'll think about it." Sylvain grinned sympathetically at her. "I know it's not fair, but it affects all three of you if you don't make up your mind."
"I promise."
(A/N: I'm so sorry for the delay in the update. Work has been crazy busy and I've just had no time to write. I also apologise for the shorter update. The next update will be the remire mission, so I promise it'll be a longer chapter. Thanks for sticking with me, I hope everyone enjoys the story so far. I really appreciate all and any comments, so don't be afraid to leave them :) )