Felix cursed his distracted mind as he caught himself once more glancing towards the door to the training grounds. He half expected—fully hoped—to see Eve burst through those doors any moment now.
He refused to believe that Eve had perished back in Remire. She was the best fighter he knew other than the Professor; and he hated to admit, but the boar was also a formidable adversary. There was no way the two of them had been bested.
Besides, she had promised she wouldn't die on him.
But he couldn't let his frustration show outwardly. The Professor had ordered the Blue Lions back to the monastery, class had resumed as normal. And though there was a lingering gloom in the training hall, the rest of the class carried on as best they could.
Felix could not let show how worried he was. As far as everyone else was concerned, he and Eve had no particularly strong bond. They trained together, he tolerated her, and that was all. He had already betrayed too much back in Remire when he advocated that they stay in the village until the two missing students could be found.
So it was with immense effort that Felix focused on his training, swinging his training sword at the dummy in front of him. But he could only focus for so much longer before he was distracted once again by some kind of commotion outside.
"Hey, Teach!" It was the loud-mouthed leader of the Golden Deer who burst through the doors with a shout.
"Claude, I'm in the middle of training." The Professor answered stoically, regarding the interruption with indifference.
"Well, I thought you'd be interested in knowing that word has it your little Prince has returned." Claude replied with a coy wink before disappearing from where he had come.
Much to Felix's surprise, the Professor dropped her training weapon and jogged to the doors to peer out curiously.
"So even the Professor was concerned." Ingrid mused; shocking Felix who hadn't noticed her come up to his side.
"He didn't say anything about Eve." Felix muttered.
"What?" Ingrid turned to Felix with a puzzled look.
"Claude." Felix reiterated. "He said the boar was back. He didn't say anything about Eve."
"What are you two standing around for?" Sylvain came up to the two of them before Ingrid could respond. "The Professor already ran off, let's go!"
Felix didn't need any more convincing as he ran off after Sylvain to the entrance of the monastery. All the way there, he cursed his racing heart and the anxious churning in his stomach.
As the three of them came to the top of the steps above the marketplace, Felix thought he might vomit as he saw the boar atop his horse—seemingly alone. But as he drew nearer, Felix could see a pair of arms wrapped around the prince's waist. He usually despised the sight of those arms wrapped so tightly around the boar, but in this moment, he felt a wave of relief.
Dedue and the Professor were already beside them, both of their usually stoic faces wrought with worry and concern. Felix wanted nothing more than to rush to Eve's side and make sure she was unharmed, but he knew he couldn't do that here or now.
"Eve!" It was Sylvain who called out, rushing down to envelope Eve in his arms the moment she came down from their horse.
It was rare Sylvain used her name, and it let Felix know that his seemingly carefree friend had been just as worried about her as he had.
"We were all so worried about you." Sylvain still hadn't let go of Eve by the time Felix and Ingrid had walked down to the two of them. "You should've seen how hard Fe fought the Professor saying we should stay and look for you guys."
"Tch! I was just thinking of how much of a pain it would've been if the boar prince died and Faerghus was left without a king." Felix snapped, defensive about his moment of weakness in which he had let his emotions show.
Before he could betray his emotions any further, yet another flash of red hair came barrelling over to envelope Eve in a hug. It was Annette—on the verge of tears—blubbering about how worried she had been.
Felix watched on as the other Blue Lions gathered around Eve to express their relief at her return. Had she always been so beloved by others? When had she formed a bond so close with Ashe that he would be biting back tears as he recounted their reluctance to leave the village? Was she really so acquainted with Balthus that he would envelope her in a bear hug so fiercely that her feet came off the ground as he laughed that he knew she would make it back? For what reason would she be telling Claude that he had been instrumental in her escape?
As he watched on, Felix became overwhelmed by the sinking feeling that he did not know Eve at all. He knew nothing of her relationships with others because he hadn't cared; he had only ever been focused on her relationship with him. And now he had to watch as Sylvain kept his arm tightly wrapped around Eve's shoulders while she spoke to them all.
Felix could never stand before the other Blue Lions and hold Eve. He couldn't grasp her hand as Ferdinand did and have it be seen as platonic. He couldn't lean his head on hers like Sylvain was doing and not be questioned about it. As much as he wanted to, Felix could not outwardly express his relief at her return until the two of them were alone.
"I'll allow the two of you to rest." The Professor stepped into the jovial reunion to address Eve and Dimitri. "After classes this evening I'll come to collect the two of you and we can report what happened to Seteth."
"You can't seriously expect us to go to class right now, Professor." Sylvain pouted.
"I can and will." Byleth answered curtly, though after a pause she softened. "…but perhaps we could end our lessons a little earlier today considering the circumstances."
Sylvain beamed, looking sideways to throw a wink at Eve who regarded him as one might regard a particularly amusing child. And despite himself, Felix found that he wished Eve would regard him in such a way. Not that he wanted to be seen as a child to her, no, but that she could openly display her affections for him in front of the others. He hated the idea of being a secret—of being a second thought, a second choice.
Eve was beyond exhausted as she and Dimitri walked back from their meeting with Seteth. Explaining to him what had happened had been a nightmare for all parties involved. She never expected him to get angry at the Professor for letting the two of them go off alone. Half of her wondered if perhaps he had been worried she would use the opportunity to disappear and slip out of his and Rhea's grasp once more.
"Eve." Dimitri said softly as they came to stand before her door.
"Yes?" She raised an expectant eyebrow, turning to face him.
"Thank you for your kindness last night." Dimitri said softly, hanging his head. "I've been treating you unfairly since we returned from Fraldarius, and yet you showed me not a hint of resentment."
"You've been treating me unfairly?" Eve asked incredulously.
"You told me the truth and I rewarded you by distancing myself from you and letting my emotions get the better of me." Dimitri sighed.
"I told you I was in love with a man who isn't you." Eve whispered, wary of being overheard. "And you think you're being unfair to me?"
"I have known since the beginning that you do not love me." Dimitri also lowered his voice as he spoke. "And I promised you I would not make you endure my affections. Treating you poorly because your heart belongs to someone else is unfair of me."
"Dimitri, I fail to understand you." Eve sighed, looking into the prince's cerulean eyes as if she could find some explanation of his behaviour there. "You think giving me the silent treatment for a couple of days is treating me poorly?"
"I should not lash out at you." Dimitri frowned.
"I told you I want you to be your genuine self in front of me. If that means you lash out at my erratic behaviour once in a while, then so be it." Eve said softly, glancing up and away at the moon overhead. "Perhaps it would do me some good to face the consequences of my own actions."
"You are perhaps one of the most interesting beings I have ever known, Eve." Dimitri let a small smile tug at the corner of his lips as Eve looked back at him. "Goodnight."
"What?" Eve breathed, shocked by the words that sounded so much like the ones Glenn had said to her.
"I said goodnight." Dimitri smiled, mistaking her shocked response for genuine confusion.
"Yes, well…goodnight." Eve nodded, swallowing the lump in her throat to offer the prince a small smile. "I'll see you in the morning, Dimitri."
As usual, Dimitri waited until Eve opened her door and stepped inside before moving to walk away. It was a simple gesture of chivalry, but one he never failed to adhere to whenever he accompanied Eve back to her quarters.
"You told him you loved me?"
A voice from the depths of the shadows of her room scared Eve out of her wits as she closed her door.
"Felix!" She hissed as she whipped around to see the figure hiding in the corner. "You scared me half to death."
"You want to talk about scared half to death?" He stepped out of the shadows to look fiercely at her.
Eve fully expected Felix to pounce on her the moment he met her eyes. It would not have been unlike him to let his frustrations manifest as physical actions. And the growl in his voice as he spoke along with the severity in his eyes made Eve believe he would descend upon her lips as he often had before.
But instead, he grabbed her hands in his own and crumpled to the floor before her like a repentant sinner.
"I was so scared." He whispered; his voice wracked with a vulnerability Eve had never seen in him. "And I was angry; you promised me you wouldn't die on me."
"And I didn't." Eve answered simply, unsure of how to proceed with this version of Felix.
"You can't die for him." Felix looked up at her, anger and fear and confusion in his eyes. "You can't die for a man you don't even love."
"What?" Eve frowned as she kneeled down to be level with Felix.
"You went with the boar because you didn't want him to be alone and you almost died for it." Felix elaborated. "He's already taken enough from your life; you can't let him be the death of you too."
"Felix…" Eve sighed. "Dimitri hasn't taken anything from my life. You forget that our arrangement is because he's helping me."
"I forget nothing." Felix grimaced. "If there's any silver lining to all of this it's that you've finally seen who the boar truly is. Perhaps now you'll stop giving him so much of your compassion."
"I think perhaps you and I saw different things in Remire." Eve said softly, standing slowly and bringing Felix up with her by their intertwined hands.
"Beneath his princely façade he's an animal—a wild beast with no control over his impulses." Felix spat.
So that was why he had looked smug back when Dimitri first started to lose control. He had wanted Eve to see the person he thought Dimitri was. Perhaps Felix believed that having her see Dimitri as the Boar Prince would get her to finally abandon her sense of duty to him.
"That's not what I saw." Eve gripped Felix's hands tighter as she sought to find some middle ground in his eyes.
"Then what did you see?" There was more than a little malice in his voice.
"I saw a boy deeply haunted by his past trying to do what he wished he could've done to those who killed his loved ones." Eve sighed. "Is that not why you train so hard too? To become stronger; to become the kind of person who could've protected Glenn?"
"Don't you bring him into this." Felix's voice strained and Eve could tell he was fighting to keep his temper under control.
"Felix, I know that Dimitri is not the prince he acts as in front of everyone else. But I also know that he is not the boar you believe him to be." Eve let go of Felix's hands, walking several paces over to sit on the edge of her bed.
"Then what is he?" Felix's brow furrowed.
"I don't know." Eve half laughed, half sighed. "Something in between? You are not just your worst moments, and neither is he."
"Why do you defend him?" Felix moved to stand just before where she sat.
"The same reason I defend you; the same reason I defend Rodrigue or Sylvain." Eve sighed and looked up at him. "I know the sorrow that lives in all of you. And I know how it affects the way you act."
For a moment, Felix looked angry. He opened and closed his mouth several times as if to speak but decided against it each time. Finally, he sat down on the edge of the bed beside Eve and leaned his head against her shoulder.
"Can we drop this?" He asked quietly.
"Hm?" Eve turned her head as best she could to look at him.
She was shocked at Felix's behaviour; he was biting his tongue, keeping his temper at bay, waiting for her to take the lead. He was being so unlike himself that Eve wasn't sure how to react. Had she frightened him so much with her disappearance? But even then, she would have expected him to lash out in response.
Felix had always been the type to take action ever since he was young. He was never one to sit down and talk through things or process his emotions—everything was a reaction.
"I don't want to be like this with you." Felix muttered, seemingly frustrated. "I've said it before, but I just can't control my emotions around you, and I hate it. I want to spend the time we have left before the wedding proving to you that I'm better than the boar."
"Felix, we can't just not talk about things that upset you." Eve's brow furrowed.
"Why not?" He asked rather bluntly.
"Because I like you as you are." Eve replied. "I don't want you biting your tongue because your sharp wit is exactly why I'm drawn to you."
"But it's not enough." Felix stood once more, looking down at Eve fiercely. "I don't know what to be for you to choose me."
"I've already chosen you, Felix." Eve frowned.
"But you're still marrying him." Felix grimaced.
"I'm marrying him because I will honour my duty, not because I've chosen him." Eve shook her head lightly.
"Do you have any idea what it feels like?" Felix asked, a mixture of anger and pain in his voice.
When Eve didn't reply, he continued.
"I always felt like I was second to Glenn."
Eve was surprised that he would mention his brother by name of his own accord. It had always felt like he avoided bringing Glenn up just like he never addressed Dimitri by name.
"When he was alive, I idolised him. I still think he's the strongest person I've ever met. I'll be the first to admit that my brother was the most important person in my life. But after Glenn died, it was like my father had no more sons. I was always compared to Glenn, important milestones in my life that my father should have been proud of only made him mourn when he thought of Glenn meeting those same milestones. I have only ever been a replacement for Glenn in my father's eyes."
Felix had now started to pace around Eve's room, unable to stand still as he spoke from the heart for what felt like the first time to Eve.
"And then there's the boar." Felix nearly growled in distaste. "My father will sing his praises for the Boar Prince until his voice is gone. He spends half his letters to me wasting ink asking how the boar is doing. My father only cared about Glenn after he died and even then, he's been more of a father to the boar than anyone else."
"Your father loves you very much, Felix." Eve tried to reach for his hand, but he was pacing too quickly. "He always has."
"Does a great job of showing it." Felix laughed bitterly.
"Felix, you should know better than most that Fraldarius men are not particularly forthcoming about their emotions." Eve huffed. "Your father is trying."
"I just-!" Felix cut himself off, pausing to take a breath. "All this to say that I'm tired of feeling like a second choice or a replacement. And even if you're not choosing the boar over me, you're still choosing your duty over me."
"Felix, I…"
But Eve trailed off, suddenly reminded of what Sylvain had asked her upon multiple occasions.
You loved Glenn enough to go against everything you had lived by. You would have even defied Rodrigue for him. So maybe now is the time to consider if you'd do the same for Felix…
(A/N: I apologise for the impromptu hiatus between this update and the last! I've been stuck with a lot of overtime at work lately and haven't had a proper chance to write. Welcome to my new readers and I hope everyone continues to read and enjoy this story :))