Chapter 6: Revealed
Rap. Rap. Rap.
"The window is open."
Quietly, Wolf entered Kakashi's office, making no sound. She stood across the room from him and did not speak. He considered how to approach her about the mission. It had not gone as he'd hoped, either, but she acted in the way he'd anticipated. Honorably. He was just glad he'd made it in time.
"Is Egret alright?" she finally asked.
"Egret is alive because of you."
Another question was on her mind. "Why did you come after us?" Hokage weren't supposed to leave their posts like that. At least, not without some sort of guard.
"I sent you on this mission with the other three to prove to them and to you that you are not a comrade killer. You don't kill your teammates."
He let that sink in, then continued, "But, after you left, I had a bad feeling. While you're ultimately responsible for your team, I'm ultimately responsible for sending you out together. That's why I came."
Wolf shook her head slowly. She had not anticipated this type of consideration and forethought from the Hokage. "I'm sorry you can't trust me. I am an ineffective leader."
"No," Kakashi said quietly. "What you did was admirable."
Kakashi thought about his own father, the man who, as a child, he refused to be like, but who he eventually learned held a pearl of great wisdom. Admirable actions weren't admired by all, but that didn't make them any less admirable.
He leaned back in his chair. "I sent you on a team that didn't trust you. They know nothing about you."
"You know nothing about me," she pushed back.
"I know enough," he said, eyeing her carefully. "You once told me that you hate death. That's why you would never take a life if it didn't need to be taken. In fact, you prefer letting people live, because you think their propensity for doing good outweighs any evil they've brought to this world. You're someone who gives second chances. You would risk your own life for the lives of others, whether you care about them or not.
"But I don't think you hate death. I think you fear death."
A pang of panic shot through Wolf's heart.
Kakashi continued. "That's why you take a multitude of precautions, perceiving every outcome of your actions and preparing for all possible scenarios in order to avoid taking away a life. That's why your mission to the Sand took a month, instead of a week, and that is also why everyone on your team, including Monkey and Panther, are still alive. You are afraid to see people die unnecessarily, and you are afraid to kill. It's why you shake whenever you see a life taken away.
"So you see," he finished, "I know enough."
Wolf found her voice, but she could only muster a hoarse whisper. "Do you want to know why?"
"Enlighten me."
"Because no one can predict the effects of death on the living. No one can understand the reverberations, how strong the ripples will be, when life is snuffed out. Life is sacred, one of the few sacred things we experience. Destroying what is sacred only causes more damage to one's soul."
Kakashi leaned forward, resting his elbows on the desk in interest. "Then why do you do it?" Here was the question Kakashi had been wanting to hear her answer, once and for all. "You told me that you're trying to recover your soul, yet you seem to think taking away life is a valid means of doing it."
She looked away. "I was recruited by Root after I came to Konoha. I didn't ultimately join the organization, but Danzō promised me purpose, and I believed his lies. He mangled my beliefs beyond all recognition and created chaos when my actions should have created harmony. I wreaked havoc.
"I destroyed, and destroyed, and destroyed…others and myself in the process. Once I came to realize that what I had done was based on a lie…I broke. Taking out Root, keeping others from falling into the same trap that I did, that's how I'm atoning for everything I've done. I won't stop until the evil that I've done to this world is replaced with good."
Atonement… "Let me tell you a secret," Kakashi told her. "You'll never be satisfied with your own actions. We can't ever truly atone for our past mistakes. You can try, but you'll only destroy yourself further in the process. Life is sacred, but no action in our present can atone for the fact that we've taken one away. You will never be able to replace something like that with mere actions."
He noticed drops falling from Wolf's mask and realized that the girl was crying.
"Then what hope is there?" she asked, her voice unsteady.
"Something else that is sacred," he said simply. "Forgiveness."
Kakashi smiled to himself. "The strange thing about forgiveness is that you can't get it by yourself, and you can't earn it of your own accord. It has to be given, and then you have to believe you've received it.
"When forgiveness is withheld, it can drive a man to despair…" Like my own father, "but when it is freely offered, it knits people together and can bring peace to the soul. Souls can't heal alone."
Standing on the other side of his office, sparkling droplets falling to the floor, she looked very small and vulnerable to him.
"What about forgiving yourself?" she asked quietly.
"It's equally difficult to forgive yourself if you've never accepted forgiveness from others," came his answer.
After a pause, he said, "I want to show you something." He stood up and opened the drawer of his desk. He pulled out a photo album, the amalgamation of photos and stories he put together as Sukea.
"This is your community," he said, opening the book and showing her the pages of people…shopkeepers, construction workers, medical ninja, shinobi and kunoichi, families…plus their stories of pain and hope. How they found hope through the kind actions of one another.
"So you were working on an album," she said quietly, making him laugh.
"There's hope yet, Wolf. And you have a part in this."
"I'm not sure that anyone who has touched death as much as I have could possibly help this village."
Kakashi sighed. "Initially, I was appointed to the Anbu black ops because the structure was supposed to help me cope with loss, a way to channel my anger. I didn't actually start to heal until I left the organization behind. You're not an Anbu, Wolf. You have too much compassion for the human condition to continue in this line of work.
"Step down from the organization, but come work with me. Help me make the village a better place to live, so future generations don't have to experience what we've experienced."
What an offer… Wolf thought, but she couldn't begin to comprehend what that would mean for her. Not yet. She flipped through the pages of the photo album, impressed by what that photographer, Sukea, had accomplished through his lens. The stories of the people did pour a healing light onto old wounds, but she thought hers might still be too deep to heal.
"Let me finish one more mission," she said after a while. "Let me find Masashi and retrieve the sword. And then I'll consider it."
Kakashi gauged her carefully, frustrated by his inability to read her expressions behind her mask. This was the best he was going to get from her, but he would take it.
"Deal," he finally said.
Kakashi had done a number of difficult things in his life, but by this time, he was used to the physical and emotional aspects that came with being a shinobi and leading a team. What he wasn't used to were the physical and emotional aspects of dealing with women, in a romantic sense. With one hard task completed, he readied himself for another.
Dressed once again in his trench coat, scarf, and wig, he entered the village of Konoha on a bright day. He stopped by the newly built Yamanaka flower shop, intending to buy some flowers for Seika as an apology for the way they parted, but he couldn't figure out which kinds of flowers might be appropriate. Red roses? Tulips? Sunflowers? In the end, and on the recommendation of Ino, he left with a much more expensive bouquet than he had planned to purchase, filled with blooms of white, blue, and yellow.
Only when he left did he realize he didn't know where Seika lived.
Kakashi walked towards the medical ward, figuring that Tsunade might know where Seika was, but then changed his mind, chickening out. He took a number of paces back to the Hokage's office, then stopped, took a deep breath, and gave himself a pep talk.
It's time to tell her who I am.
He turned around again and retraced his steps towards the medical ward.
What if she doesn't respond well?
Back to the Hokage's office.
I can't keep lying.
Back towards the medical ward.
It might be the end of our relationship.
Hokage's office.
It's the right thing to do, damn it!
Medical ward.
"Sukea," came a voice, "what are you doing? Are you looking for someone?"
Startled out of his own head, he saw Seika sitting at a table in an open air dango shop with a cup of tea.
"You've been walking back and forth for the past twenty minutes. You look like you're lost."
Kakashi's heart gave two huge, slow 'thumps,' before beating wildly as adrenaline hit his system. In his own indecision, he hadn't even noticed her.
"She's lucky," Seika said, giving him a soft smile, "whoever you're giving the flowers to."
"I was looking for you, actually," he told her. "I didn't like how our last conversation ended."
The look of surprise in her blue eyes made his heart flutter, another new sensation for him. Damn it, Rin, Obito…is this how you guys felt?
"Can I take you to dinner this evening?" he asked.
She looked at her tea, hesitating for a moment too long, but then she simply said, "No."
"No?" he asked, his heart falling.
She smiled. "No. I have a prior engagement. But meet me this evening, at the bench where we first met."
True to her word, Seika was waiting for him at the lookout to Hokage Rock that evening. He found her, once again, staring up at the faces of the Hokages.
"I've lived under three of them," she said by way of greeting. "Hiruzen was kind and wise, Tsunade fierce and dependable, and Kakashi…"
He waited for her to say something negative.
"…honest and open."
…Honest? Where had this sentiment come from? Tonight was going to be harder than he thought. "It seems you've changed your mind about him."
"Not really, but he's caring for this village."
She stood up. "Come on. I want to show you something." He noticed she was gauging the sky. The waning sun was beginning to cast everything in a warm glow.
He followed her towards the cliffs and up a winding dirt path. It was not often traveled, but she clearly knew the way. They went up, climbing over a few large boulders, but before they reached the top of the cliff she led him along a ridge underneath it, and finally into a short but steep descent. When he landed next to her, he saw a sky full of vibrant warm hues. Pinks, oranges, reds, purples and greens, reflecting under clouds the color of fuchsia.
"As much as I dislike him, the top of his head is the best place to watch the sunset."
He turned to his right and realized that Tsunade's rock face was protruding out next to them. Seika had taken a seat on the edge of one of his own earthen spikes of hair, one that projected outward towards the sky. He had never cared to investigate his stone visage so closely before.
"This is one of the things I've come to love most about this village. The sun was rare in Kirigakure, sunsets even rarer. The mist and the clouds hid everything."
Kakashi watched her. The orange light on her skin contrasted beautifully against her bright eyes, and the shadows behind her spread far, as if trying to escape from her light. She looked dazzling in that moment, and he quietly lifted his camera to capture her. It would be his new favorite photograph, he knew. She heard the snap of the shutter and turned towards him.
"I'm surprised you're not trying to capture the sky," she said.
"Pictures of sunsets never compare to the real thing." He stopped, not daring to say his next thought out loud. Besides, I'm capturing something far more beautiful.
They watched the sun make its way towards the horizon, kiss the edge of the earth, and slowly melt below the surface. Neither spoke and neither moved, but Kakashi felt at peace next to her, and he didn't want the moment to end.
"Thank you for sharing this with me," he told her.
"Wait a little longer," she said, moving from her perch and taking a seat closer to him.
As the light in the sky disappeared, she pointed out planets and stars beginning to peek through the darkness of night. She told him stories and fables from the Hidden Mist, and in her stories he could pick out her childhood with Zabuza.
"The night sky was also rare in Kiri, and it was often said that seeing the stars meant that our ancestors and deceased loved ones were thinking of us." She paused. "It's supposed to be a romantic notion, but as a child I thought it meant that our ancestors didn't think of us often. They hid their eyes because of the way we lived in the Bloody Mist.
"When I left the village with Zabuza for the first time, I marveled at the clearness of the nights outside of our village. He taught me how to use the night sky to wayfind. Now I like to think that our deceased loved ones are guiding us."
They sat together, losing track of time, staring up at the galaxies that stretched across the darkness of the sky.
"Do you really think we can honor the dead and also move on?" she suddenly asked, recalling their conversation from earlier.
"I don't think we ever truly move on, per se, but I do think we honor their memory by living with joy."
Seika looked at him then, her face reflecting the starlight. "Joy…" she repeated softly.
Kakashi met her eyes and lost his breath, having trouble finding his next words. "Yes…joy…"
In any other world, he knew this would be the moment to kiss her, but he couldn't move, caught up in guilt over his own lie. Before long she turned back towards the sky.
Later, he walked her home. The journey was largely silent.
When she unlocked her door and opened it, she lingered for a moment. "Sukea," she said, her face turning that delicious shade of pink, "Stay with me tonight?"
Kakashi blinked in surprise, wondering how he should respond. On one hand, every fiber of his being strained towards going with her, but on the other, he couldn't sleep with her. Not as Sukea, at least. He had to come clean about who he was first.
"I…I shouldn't…" he stuttered.
"Oh…" she said, her eyes falling in disappointment.
"I-It's not that I don't want to," he tried to clarify, but she cut him off.
She laughed nervously. "It's okay…you're always hesitating with my advances. I'm sorry if I misconstrued your interest."
"Seika, I–" but she cut him off again, this time by grabbing the lapel of his trench coat and pressing her lips against his. Before he could process what was happening, he relaxed into her mouth and kissed her back, taking the small of her back in his hands and pulling her towards him. It had been so long since he had tasted the lips of a woman, and hers felt good.
"I'm sorry," she said, her breath sweet. "I had to know what that felt like before I let you go."
"Seika, I'm not–"
"It's okay," she repeated softly.
She closed the door, and he was left outside, alone, unsure about what to do, but only knowing that he had to do something. It was time to tell her the truth, regardless of the outcome, but his heart was beating much too rapidly at the moment to know what to say.
Seika…I'm not who you think I am.
He took a couple hours to gather himself, practicing a handful of approaches, and then returned to Seika's apartment later that night dressed as himself, not as Sukea. It was after midnight, but the truth could not wait until morning.
His heart was pounding in nervousness and anticipation. He knocked on the door, but there was no reply.
"Seika?" he called gently. No response.
A light was on inside, and he tried the doorknob. To his surprise, the door was unlocked.
"Seika? It's Kakashi, the Hokage?" he called awkwardly as he pushed the door open. The single room apartment was empty, but a light above a desk was still on. He noticed a photo of Sukea taped up on the wall by her desk, and this made him smile.
Perhaps she just stepped out, he thought.
The apartment was neat and tidy, stark, but not bare. The flowers he had given her were in a vase on her nightstand. Curiosity got the best of him. He opened up the closet and found a row of gray flak jackets and black pants. Shuriken and kunai were neatly stored along the wall of the closet.
The Anbu uniform? There were a handful of female Anbu on his roster, but he was certain that Seika was not one of them.
A book lay open on the desk, intricate sketches of faces staring out of the pages. He picked it up and flipped through it. On each page he found the name of a person along with a beautiful picture of their face. Intimate details about the lives of the people in the book dotted the pages…family members, where they grew up, personality traits, even whether they cared for pets. There was a date at the bottom of each page, along with a description of how the individual died. The pages went chronologically. As he came to the end, he saw a face he recognized…a deceased Anbu operative. This detail was recorded as well, along with identifying features, fighting style, strengths, and weaknesses. Information about his wife and how he treated her. This particular member wore an owl mask. "Killed with a kunai to the heart," was written in careful lettering.
Kakashi fumbled with the book as he came to realize what it was and whose home he was in. Wolf. His stomach twisted in knots. Seika was not who he thought she was, either.
The page next to Owl had a picture of the woman from Sunagakure, a locket around her neck in the portrait. He flipped the page. The next two portraits were of Kaito and Masashi, the two last Root targets.
"Killed with a fragment of Zabuza's blade."
"Died somewhere in the mist. Blood and water."
He was holding Wolf's hit list, a comprehensive guide to every person she had killed in her lifetime. Seika hadn't been lying when she told him she'd killed a lot of people. As he flipped back through the book to see how early her career as an assassin started, a photograph fell out of the pages. He picked it up, finding his photo of Seika staring up at Hokage Rock, the one that Wolf had taken from his office. With a feeling of dread, he turned to the last page in the book where the photograph had fallen from.
In exquisite detail, Seika's self-portrait was sketched into the fibers of the page. Although the descriptors in her profile were a mixture of positive and negative traits, the words nevertheless painted a brutal assessment of her own character. The bottom of this page only had a date, and it was dated for today.
"No!" he cried, realizing with a chill that Seika intended to take her own life after her final mission. He dropped the book and rushed out the door into the darkness of night. He could not let her die.
A/N: I know people have seen this coming...that Wolf and Seika are one and the same (Amaterasu53 and a guest called it out ;P)...but the reveal was definitely a surprise for Kakashi. And maybe the identity of her fourth 'hit' is a bit of a surprise, too. We'll see some of Seika's perspective next chapter now that it's revealed to the reader that she's also Wolf. If you're willing to share your thoughts, please leave a review and let me know!