Chapter 7: Trauma

Hours earlier…

Wolf sat at her desk, sketching faces into her notebook. Kaito and Masashi, two people she knew almost nothing about. It was obvious that Kaito was merciless, and she didn't feel quite as guilty about taking his life, especially because she had saved Egret's. However, she was still shaken at how it happened.

That sword…

Zabuza's sword. The sword that kissed her face and still sang in her nightmares. She never thought she would see that sword again, let alone use it.

She flipped to a clean page and hesitated. This final mission to take out Masashi would be the last of the assassinations she originally promised Tsunade. She had only planned to take one more life after that. A fourth life…her own.

Now, she looked to her wall where a photograph of Sukea hung. He was smiling in the photo, but he looked bashful, humble even, at being asked to be the subject of the picture rather than the taker. Of the photos he had developed and offered to her, this was her favorite.

Over the past few months, Sukea had weaseled his way past her defenses and lodged himself firmly in her heart. She wasn't sure why she allowed him to stay there, taking up space, but for the first time in a long time, she felt less alone.

She turned back to her notebook and began to sketch a rough outline of a self-portrait. Her descriptors were easy. Killer. Assassin. Traitor.

But as she looked at her own face on the page, she also saw what the villagers saw, what Tsunade and Sukea and Guy and Sakura and Naruto saw…what even Kakashi saw. Patient. Dependable. Helper. If only she could erase the bad traits and amplify the good, but that wasn't possible. Seika was both, and to rid the world of the first, she had to rid the world of the second, too.

She sketched her Anbu mask, complete with the kintsugi-repaired cracks, and another thought came to mind. What would happen if I stayed and helped Kakashi?

To assist the man who had a hand in Zabuza's death…it felt like another level of betrayal, even though she now knew the truth of their encounter.

Although she didn't want to admit it, Kakashi had grown on her, too. He was not the man she expected him to be, and she understood that even Zabuza respected him in the end. That made her feel even more responsible for the Kiri swordsman's death…her own actions of betrayal in the Hidden Mist had sent him down a path of destruction, and she no longer had Kakashi to blame.

She allowed the thought process of a future in Konoha to play out. Helping Kakashi, she could make the village a better place to live. She could continue keeping others from the type of trauma that she and her generation had lived through. That was appealing. She could also stay by Sukea…that was very appealing…but could she let go of Zabuza that easily?

"If they loved us, too, then I don't think they would want us to live on in misery, just to honor them."

Sukea had said those words with such veracity that she knew he believed them…but could she believe them, herself?

She looked out the window, realizing in the movement of the sun that more time had passed than she'd anticipated. She finished her sketch and closed her notebook, then put on her shoes and left the apartment.

Seika arrived at the bench early and took the time to assess the faces of the Hokages one last time. With or without her help, Konoha would be safe in Kakashi's hands. He still annoyed her, but he was the leader that the village needed.

Soon enough, Sukea arrived, and she took him to her favorite viewpoint…ironically…Kakashi's head. She visited all the Hokages, but the way Kakashi's hair was carved made him the most comfortable to sit on. She wasn't aware of anyone else who came to this place. If these were to be her last memories, she wanted to share them with someone who could appreciate them after she was gone.

As they watched the sunset together, feelings of nostalgia overcame Seika. When she was young, she watched sunsets with Zabuza, and then when the stars came out he would teach her how to use them as a guide. It was through Zabuza that she learned the fables and folktales of their village, and how Kirigakure had once been a peaceful place to live…long before the time of the shinobi.

Zabuza taught her how to fight and how to survive in this harsh world, but he also taught her how to appreciate the world's beauty. The precious anatomy of the human body. Soil that provided healing plants and herbs. How to coax a fire to life. The guidance of the stars. It was in these things that she came to love him so dearly.

She felt an insistent need to speak of these things, to give voice to her thoughts and breathe life into them. So, as the stars began to arrive in the sky, she moved closer to Sukea and started talking.

The more she shared with him, the more he listened. He didn't ask questions, but instead let her tell him stories about the constellations and about her childhood until she exhausted her memories of happiness. By the look in his eye, she knew he held her memories like precious gems, treasures to be protected. He would be the keeper of her story.

In sharing these happy memories of Zabuza, she realized that she desired to make more of them with Sukea, and this made her feel conflicted.

"Do you really think we can honor the dead and also move on?" she asked.

"I don't think we ever truly move on, per se, but I do think we honor their memory by living with joy."

"Joy…" she repeated. Could she honor Zabuza by pursuing joy?

She looked at Sukea, his face lit by the soft starlight. He was beautiful to her. Not just in the way he looked…his shaggy hair, his straight nose, his shapely lips, that beauty mark on his chin that danced in her thoughts…but also in his character. He loved the people of the village, not because of what they gave him or what they offered to the world, but simply because they were people.

Suddenly, Seika didn't want to go home alone. She looked back to the sky to hide any trace of tears in her eyes, but she recalled the feeling of sleeping under the stars next to someone. Zabuza and Haku… Their companionship gave warmth to an empty heart.

This thought was present with her as they walked back to her apartment, and when she unlocked her door, the desire to stay in another person's company one last time overwhelmed her. "Sukea, stay with me tonight?" she blurted out. I don't want to be alone.

The surprise in his eyes was obvious. "I shouldn't," he said.

Seika felt like a hand was squeezing her heart. Of course not…what am I thinking, she questioned herself. He stood there, making excuses for his answer, but she understood. Her fate was unrequited love, her soul bound to souls that couldn't be bound to hers.

A feeling of frustration bubbled up inside of her. For the first time since Zabuza died, she wanted to offer love to someone, and she wanted to feel love in return.

What would it be like?

She cut Sukea off and pulled him into her, placing all of her longing, loneliness, and desire for companionship into the touch of her lips. She felt him intake a breath of surprise, or pleasure, she wasn't sure which, and then he kissed her back.

"I had to know what that felt like before I let you go," she said quickly, and then she shut herself inside her apartment before he could see her fall apart.

He stood there, pacing back and forth in front of her door for a few moments, and then he walked away. She let out a breath and took a moment to calm herself.

She sat down at her desk, flipping open her book to her self-portrait. She stared at it for a long time, conflicted about what to do. A tear fell from her cheek, landing on the page, and then she picked up her pencil and flourished the date. Tomorrow's date. She had made up her mind. After Masashi, it would be her turn.

Changing into her Anbu uniform, she donned her Wolf's mask for the last time.

Wolf located Masashi a few hours from Konoha. He had not made it far from the camp of the other mercenaries, and he was hiding out near an open glen. She infiltrated the area with a thick, heavy mist. The sheer amount of moisture in the air made it hard to breathe, even more difficult to see, but this was comfortable territory for her. Then, she waited.

She smelled the blade before she saw it. The taste of blood and iron filled her mouth. This was a sensation unique to her, ever since Zabuza used the blade to cut across her jaw. Her old wound remembered its giver, Kubikiribōchō.

"The blade does not yield easily to an unworthy owner," she said into the silence of the mist. Thieves could not earn the sword's loyalty. She remembered the training it had taken Zabuza to be worthy of this sword, and she knew that the shinobi she faced now was nowhere near strong enough to wield it. This, her final act, would be to retrieve Zabuza's blade.

"Oh…it finds me worthy," a voice echoed around her. "What was once broken is now whole."

Her hands balled into fists. Only blood could restore the broken blade, and not just any blood. Human blood.

She closed her eyes, forming a sign with her hand. "Water release: Water sensor!"

A wave of her chakra was thrown outward, rippling across the miniscule droplets in the air and passing through objects in the area. She could feel the plant life around her…the way that water moved up through the tissues of the trees, working its way into the leaves to bring vital nutrients for survival. She could differentiate the water signatures of the plants around her, the trickles of groundwater beneath the grassy floor, and the swirling condensation of the clouds above her…but she was looking for one particular signature, and she quickly identified it. Human. He was on the move.

Her eyes still closed, she leaned on her other senses and pursued him, listening to the sound of his footsteps and his breathing as he made his way through the trees. She stopped his motion with a few well-placed shuriken. In response, he used genjutsu to shroud himself further, but it was no use. Her own hearing was more keen than that, and she sought him out through the mist that silenced everything else.

"How did you restore the blade?" She asked into the darkness.

"It thirsts for blood," came the reply. "It satiated itself on a family living on the outskirts of the city."

"How many?" She hissed.

"Six. The children did not have enough to satisfy."

Wolf cursed. The sword never had enough blood to satisfy, and this ninja was succumbing to its whims. From her experience with Zabuza, she knew that one had to master the sword, or else the sword would master him.

She went after Masashi, hidden as he was, in hand-to-hand combat. She couldn't see him, but she could feel the thickness of the mist ebbing and flowing around him, and this made him easy to follow and avoid. He was faster than her, but he was encumbered by the sword, and she was able to meet his skill blow for blow. Once again, the sword rendered her own steel weapons chipped, brittle, and useless. It had repaired itself and was stronger than ever.

Anger grew within her. Kubikiribōchō was not meant to fall into the hands of ninja such as Masashi…its place was in the Hidden Mist, where it was created. She could not let Zabuza's blade wreak havoc…it disrespected his memory, strength, and ability. On her next jump, she formed a number of hand signs.

"Water release: Controlling flow!" Water and blood, just like you taught me, Zabuza.

She touched Masashi's forearm on her landing, where his skin was bare. Linking water molecule to water molecule, she reached through his body to the streams of water flowing through it, until every single drop was under her control. She could sense the cellular function, the organs, the perfect harmony of water flowing throughout a body.

It was a harmony she was about to disrupt.

Moving her arms, she controlled the water in his muscles, contracting and relaxing them in specific combinations to force his fingers open, releasing the blade. He tried to resist her, and in the struggle she heard the bone in his fingers crack as she overcame him.

She didn't like killing people this way. Typically this jutsu was only used by medical ninja, and only to heal. However, she and Zabuza developed a way to twist its power to aid in silent killing, allowing her to regulate the flow of a person's chakra by disrupting the proper function of their organs. She expanded the uses of the technique on her own after arriving in Konoha, but her abilities were subtly manipulated by Danzō. She stopped using this jutsu when she realized how far Root had deceived her, and Tsunade, when she eventually learned of it, added it to the list of forbidden techniques.

Seika used it now in a final homage to Zabuza, and because she knew she wouldn't be around to face the consequences.

"What are you?!" Masashi cried out as she snapped his arms to his sides and brought his knees to the ground. It was grossly uncomfortable to be unable to control one's own body.

"A demon from the mist," she said quietly, reaching out her hand and concentrating on the blood flowing through his heart. "Lover of that blade you carry."

She closed her fingers in a fist, disrupting the rhythmic pumping of blood through Masashi's arteries. She made sure the heart attack was large enough to kill him instantly. It was an act of mercy. He fell, dead, to the ground.

The only sound in the mist was Wolf's own breath and beating heart. She knelt, touching the smooth surface of the blade and tasting a burst of iron. Her fingers, as always, were shaking.

"Do you remember me?" she asked the sword, picking up the hilt and lifting the heavy, monstrous weapon. "I remember you."

She swung the blade, considering how she would do it. She hadn't considered Zabuza's blade as an option before, but now it felt like the perfect way to die. Zabuza…will you be there to greet me? Or will I be alone in the next life, too?

She formed another hand sign, and a shadow clone appeared before her. The clone took the heavy sword from her, and Wolf dropped to her knees.

The final killing.

She closed her eyes, and her clone lifted the sword, readying the momentum necessary to swing it through her neck before disappearing with Wolf's death. She would cut her throat, the way Zabuza should have killed her in the first place.

I'm sorry, Sukea, she thought.

She heard the 'shing' of the sword as it came towards her, but then a 'clang' as metal met metal.

Wolf's eyes flew open, only to find Kakashi standing in front of her, using two kunai to keep the blade at bay.

"Kakashi! What are you doing?! You're not supposed to be here!"

In her astonishment, she jumped backwards, pulling out two kunai of her own. Her clone disappeared in a 'poof', and with it the broadsword fell to the ground. She targeted chakra to her feet and blasted toward him, angry that he interrupted her and upset at herself for not sensing him earlier.

She bowled into him, and their kunai met with another 'clang.'

"Let me die, Kakashi!" she cried, hating how desperate the words sounded.

"No!"

"Why not?"

"I haven't released you from service yet!"

"I finished the job!"

"Taking your own life was not part of the deal!" He growled at her. "Your service isn't over yet!"

They broke apart, standing across from each other in the glen.

In anger, she formed her wind blade, the vortex of air picking up the thick mist and forming flurries of snow where the two elements touched. She had no intention of actually hurting the Hokage, but she had made up her mind, and he was standing in her way.

In response, Kakashi picked up Zabuza's sword and called upon ninjutsu of his own. The blade crackled with arcs of lightning.

"Don't do this, Wolf," he warned.

She could not listen to him. Wolf came at Kakashi, twisting her own blade in her hands. The two swords met, and in their meeting a burst of fresh iron melted across Wolf's tongue.

Each time the elemental swords met, a shower of sparks and snow exploded in a brilliant burst of icy cold light. The two, matched in speed, did not let up their dangerous dance.

It quickly became clear that neither was trying to do the other harm. Kakashi only blocked her attacks, and she was not aiming hers to cause him serious harm.

When she realized this, she wondered what exactly she was doing…battling against the Hokage after using a forbidden jutsu.

This is not who I am.

She jumped high in the air, aiming an attack over his head. He lifted his own sword to block her attack, but in the next moment she released her own jutsu and relaxed. Her sword of wind dissipated into the cool air of the night. If she couldn't kill herself, she could at least die by falling onto the blade.

Kakashi grunted in surprise. Not again! he thought wildly, making a last second adjustment to his grip. He felt the blade meet resistance as it sliced across her.

The girl fell to the ground in a heap. His adjustment had caused the blade to cut at an angle, and it had caught her across the face. He turned around quickly, dropping the sword, and saw that the porcelain of her mask had shattered into pieces.

The remnants fell, crumbling, to the ground, revealing the face he never expected to find underneath it. Blood from the broken pieces ran down her cheeks. He knelt by her, brushing the small chips of her mask from her face and feeling for a pulse. She was still alive. Her cracked mask had just barely protected her from the cutting blow.

A minute later, she came to and opened her eyes. "Kakashi, let me die," she said, so quietly that he could hardly hear her. "I have nothing left to live for and nothing left to give you."

Kakashi's heart felt a pang of concern. With urgency, he said, "What about me, Seika? What about me?"

At the sound of her name, her blue eyes raised towards his face, but he had already pulled his own cloth mask below his chin.

"It's me, Seika."

It took her a long moment to recognize him, but eventually she pushed herself up to take a closer look at his face. She reached out her fingers and gently touched the beauty mark on his chin. Her soft touch made him shiver.

"S-Sukea?" she asked. Her head was still reeling from the blow of the blade, and she briefly wondered if this was a dream.

"I'm sorry," he said, taking her hand in his. "I didn't know it was you until I found your book with my photograph tucked into it. If I'd have known, I would have revealed myself sooner."

She cupped his face, staring at his nose, his mouth, his chin. Her expression shifted from bewilderment to horror as comprehension washed over her, and her eyes began to swim with tears. "So…Sukea…isn't real?"

"He's real, Seika. He's just me. Sukea and I are one and the same."

She blinked a few times, searching his eyes and processing this information. "Well now I really want to die," she said with a rueful laugh. "I fell in love with the person I hate the most."

Kakashi's eyes softened, a feeling of sorrow passing over him. "Do you really hate me?"

Seika's tears began spilling over. "No," she said quietly, her heart wrenching. "You were just an excuse not to hate myself."

"Seika," he said. "Wolf." He couldn't believe that the two women were one in the same…this Anbu he had been trying to convince to accept her community was the same woman who gave her life to serving Konoha.

He fully understood now. Her past with Zabuza, and how she fell in with Root. The last few years of her life were an attempt at fixing her mistakes on two levels. As Wolf, she dedicated her life to wiping out Root's ideals, and as Seika, she dedicated her life to the lives of others. This, too, was part of that attempt to redeem herself. He had spent time trying to convince Wolf that doing work like Seika's could bring healing and hope…oh how he had missed the mark.

This merging of identities changed how he saw her. Falling for Seika had been easy. Loving Wolf would be harder. But just like himself and Sukea, they were one and the same. He hoped he hadn't made a mistake by splitting into two identities.

"Seika," he repeated her name, tenderly. "Can you forgive me?"

She looked back at him. It was odd seeing him without his mask. For her, a merging of identities was beginning, as well. On one hand, he was familiar to her, but on the other hand, his face was completely foreign. Had she really come to love Hatake Kakashi, of all people? Sukea, the photographer, felt safe to her, comfortable even, but this man, the Hokage…he was a force to be reckoned with. Loving Sukea had been easy. Loving Kakashi… It was hard to reconcile that they were the same man.

"For what?" she asked.

"For lying to you about who I am."

She wanted so desperately to be angry, but in her exhaustion she couldn't muster enough energy for this emotion. Besides, Kakashi's expression was so ardent and sincere. It was exactly the same look that Sukea would have given her. Despite his hair, his eye color, and his scar, she could still see Sukea…Sukea, who remained nestled in her heart.

Seika looked down at the shattered pieces of her mask. She hadn't necessarily been forthcoming about her identity, either. "Why did you come after me?" she asked.

"I don't want to lose another person close to me. Not like this."

"Close to you…" she repeated, unsure if he was speaking as Kakashi or as Sukea, talking about Seika or about Wolf. It confused her.

He pushed a strand of her hair behind her ear. "Stay with me," he said, and with these words, the torrent of her tears was unleashed.

He brought her head close to his chest, holding her near to his heart, and let her cry until her tears ran out.

"I don't want to be alone anymore."

He looked her in the eyes and wiped stray tears from her face.

"You aren't," he said. "Just stay alive." He sounded ragged and tired, exactly how Seika felt.

"If I do…" she ventured, "…what would it mean, for us? It couldn't be the same."

"No," he agreed, "It couldn't. It would be something new."

They both let that sink in.

"Is that what you want?" Seika asked hesitantly, wondering how on earth someone like Kakashi could love someone like her. Is that what I want?

He stared into her blue eyes, caught up in their icy clarity. It had been a long time since he'd thought about what he wanted, but at this moment he knew for certain that he wanted Seika.

"Yes."

He ventured a step further. "Sukea would disappear, at least, physically. Are you okay with that?"

She thought about it, considering her own split identity, and then nodded. She picked up a shard of the mask.

"Wolf completed her mission," she told him. "If you release her from your service, she will effectively be dead."

"Who else knows?" Kakashi asked.

"Tsunade."

Of course she does. Kakashi could have avoided much of this if he had allowed Tsunade to reveal Wolf's identity in the first place.

"Wolf died in the line of duty," he said. "A hero's death. But I know the villagers will be glad to see Seika return from another successful supply run."

He stood up and reached a hand down to her.

"I'm not a hero," she said.

"No, you're a human. Good, bad, mistakes and all. Wolf fulfilled her duty and can still be remembered with honor. Just like Zabuza." And Rin, and Obito, and my father.

She thought about that, and then put her hand in his. He pulled her up.

"Let's go home," he said, picking up Kubikiribōchō and securing it to his back. He lifted his mask over his nose. Seika left hers, shattered, on the ground.

They left the glen together as the mist cleared away. Seika, side-by-side with Kakashi, a broadsword carrying their shared memories on his back.

A/N: Heh, sorry for making you wait the full week for the resolution to last chapter's cliffhanger. But, Seika is okay, she's figuring out how she feels about Kakashi, and they have a lot to work out. As always, if you're willing to share your thoughts, let me know in a review or PM! Also, thanks so much for reading and coming back for new chapters.

Walking back to Konoha seems like a fairly safe state to leave these two in, so I will be taking a break from posting next week for the holidays. I should be back the first Wednesday in January and am anticipating three more chapters to finish this story out. For those who are celebrating Christmas (like I am), I wish you a very Merry Christmas, and for those who might be celebrating other holidays, I hope your holidays are absolutely lovely.