Chapter 9: Choice

Alone again, exhaustion overtook Seika, along with a heavy weight of sadness. She felt anxiety rising within her, creating discomfort in her chest, and she couldn't quite put her finger on why. There was turmoil within her…desire for Kakashi and his hope-filled words opposed with an inability to arrest her own self-loathing and allow herself to feel a moment of happiness. She couldn't rectify the two feelings.

She got back to her apartment and sat down in the dark, wondering what could be wrong with her. Her internal conflict started when she realized how easy loving Hatake Kakashi would be. The prospect of forming an attachment to him scared her, but what scared her even more was realizing the attachment was already present, through Sukea. Her fear was already a reality, and with it came an onslaught of guilt.

She shook her head, trying to keep her eyes open, but she was also unnaturally tired. Sharing her story so thoroughly, and then listening to Kakashi's past of pain, left her feeling empty.

Perhaps a few hours of sleep will help me clear my mind.

As soon as Seika's head hit the pillow, she was fast asleep. Hers was no ordinary sleep, however. What overcame her on this particular night was a deep slumber, such that one observing might not even notice she was breathing. Seika was not just unconscious…she had been summoned halfway between life and death.

Unconsciousness was full of nothing, but Seika was somehow aware as she opened her eyes to complete darkness. She was no longer in her bed but surrounded by utter blackness. Unlike her awakened state, she felt calm here and did not sense fear. The weariness of the real world was left behind. She understood that her consciousness was dreaming, or experiencing something like a dream. Seika stood up and started to walk, not knowing where she was going, but only understanding that she should continue to move.

One by one, small pinpricks of light began to appear above her, until the darkness reflected the glory of the night sky. She recognized the constellations and felt the stars calling her eastward. Despite their brightness, the light of the stars did not yet touch her. Her extremities were cloaked in nothingness, and she could not see them.

She saw a bright blue dot twinkle on the horizon and recognized the great star Kasumi. According to Kiri legends, the islands that made up the Land of Water were created by a giant whale shark, who taught the first people of the island the ways of water. Her name was Kasumi, the Great Guardian of the Mist. During the age of great beasts, Kasumi would protect sailors from the islands and guide them on their way home. She gave them the gift of water and the ability to shroud themselves in mist to hide from enemies.

When the islands of the Land of Water began infighting and warring against one another, some tried to capture and control Kasumi in order to gain an upper hand. She was hunted by her own people, so she left the ocean and took to the sky, planting herself as a cold glimmer in a location where she would forever be able to guide all her people home.

Seika stopped walking, gazing for a while at this omen in the sky. The star was shining more brightly than she had ever seen it before, and it captured her attention. She picked out two more constellations, the sea turtle and the urchin, using them along with Kasumi to guide her. She understood where she was being called.

After walking for an indeterminate amount of time, Seika finally saw another light in the distance. It lit the world like the light of a full moon, despite the absence of the moon in the sky. As she moved closer, she saw two figures at the source of the light, standing on ripples of calm water. The light finally reached her, and she realized that the ground she had been walking on was not earthen soil, but rather one great sea. One of the figures turned to her.

"Seika!" called a familiar, high tone. It echoed all around her.

Haku… she thought, and her voice caught in her throat. She immediately knew who the second figure was. Suddenly apprehensive, she slowed her pace. Zabuza had not visited her in her dreams since he died, despite her wish for his solace in her sleep. The only nightmares she had were filled with his blade, Kubikiribōchō, flashbacks of its kiss across her jaw. She had seen him on one other occasion, in the Infinite Tsukuyomi, but for her, the Tsukuyomi only let her relive the happy moments of her childhood. She desired more, wanting new memories, but she had not received them. She did not feel worthy of Zabuza, and even the world's greatest genjutsu could not pierce through her broken mind.

Zabuza turned toward her, but his eyes were not filled with anger.

"I wondered when you might join us, but it seems you've found a reason to stay in the physical world."

She let out a breath at the sound of his voice as memories of him flooded through her mind. She opened her mouth to speak, but she couldn't find words, still in utter shock over seeing him here. She sank to her knees outside the ring of light that held the two Hidden Mist shinobi, unable to continue moving forward.

"We've been watching you," Haku said, stepping out of the circle of light. The light followed him, extending like silver strokes of a paintbrush beneath his feet where he walked. He knelt next to her and placed a hand on her shoulder. Warmth spread through her at his touch, and the light enveloped her.

"Am I dead?" she asked, feeling a pang of regret at the thought of dying without telling Kakashi goodbye.

Zabuza let out a deep and hearty laugh. "Hardly."

He walked towards them, and with each step the light extended downward, releasing an arrow that pierced deep into the recesses of the sea they were standing on. It revealed what was below: creatures great and small moving leisurely beneath the calm water. She saw a giant dragon drift below them, winding its way protectively beneath Zabuza. The beast was so close that she could reach down and touch it if she wished. All of the creatures slowly began to bioluminesce, sending soft and colorful lights back to the surface, until the sea below them twinkled just like the night sky.

In this new glowing light, Seika took in his appearance. He looked exactly as she remembered him. He was wearing a kimono loosely and without a collar, such that the relaxed method of tying exposed his muscular chest. Tall and strong, his body was seemingly untouched by scars. The shape of him, every muscle and every sinew, was familiar to her, not because they were lovers, but because in life she had taken care to heal his wounds, knitting the flesh back together carefully to reduce any blemish across his skin.

She knew, too, every detail of his face, despite the fact that it was still covered with bandages. Zabuza was never one to care about appearances, but he never liked looking at himself, and he preferred to keep his expressions hidden from the world.

"Why am I meeting you, why now?" she asked. Her voice echoed faintly across the expanse of glittering water and sky.

Haku answered her. "Because we're holding you back. He's holding you back." Haku glanced at the legendary swordsman. He stood and took Zabuza's hand in his.

Zabuza extended his free hand to Seika. "Figures you would find someone stronger than me. I never expected it would be Kakashi."

Seika still could not move. She didn't feel like she deserved to touch him after the way they parted all those years ago. He seemed to understand and knelt down in front of her.

"I didn't see the depth of your loyalty then," he said, frowning at the scar on her jaw. "Don't follow in my footsteps, Seika." He stretched out his palm, inviting her to touch him.

She hesitantly reached out her hand, placing her palm against his. His fingers, rough and calloused from years of wielding his blade, spread wide and interlaced with hers, clasping her hand in a strong and steady grasp. As their fingers met, she felt the light dance, not just around them, but also inside of her. A warm and gentle wind stirred up between them, circling around them as if trying to pull them together. She took in a sudden breath at the wonderful sensation, but yet resisted the pull.

"There is still some fate that calls us together," he mused. "You still love me."

"I do," she said. A deep sadness was held within these two words.

"After all this time?" he asked.

"Yes."

Seika reached her other hand up cautiously, touching the bandages that encircled his nose and mouth. He did not stop her, so she slowly loosened them away, uncovering his face. Zabuza was not a particularly handsome man, but Seika's heart revealed his beauty to her. She felt tears welling in her eyes as a deep yearning stretched her heart, causing the sensation of pressure in her chest.

"I've missed you," she finally admitted. It pained her how much.

He remained silent, watching her for a moment, and then asked a peculiar question.

"Do you feel complete here?"

The tone of his voice was curious, and Seika understood that in this question she was being offered a choice: enter into the afterlife with Zabuza and Haku, or return to the world of the living.

Seika met Zabuza's eyes. They were the same dark eyes, but they were no longer hardened by the harsh realities of the Mist and of the human world. Years in the afterlife with Haku had softened him. Seika had desired a moment like this for so long, to be reunited with him in peace, not in anger. The sound of his voice still sent warm flutters across her skin, and the touch of his hand was as comforting as returning home after a long mission. All of this was familiar and wonderful. Zabuza was just within her reach. All she had to do was say 'yes.'

And yet.

And yet, something inside of her didn't feel quite right. She unraveled the seed of discontent in the pit of her stomach, and then it hit her, and her delight was clouded by a melancholic recognition: she had not been present to witness his change.

Zabuza had captured her heart for so long. So much so that she had refused to let her own soul begin the process of healing. Meanwhile, Zabuza's soul had knit back together in the afterlife, with Haku, and without her.

Without me. Seika let out a hushed breath. It finally dawned on her that she no longer belonged with Zabuza. Something much greater than death separated them now. Although she could choose to stay, he was not asking her to, and for that reason, she could not say 'yes.' She saw Kakashi's face in the back of her mind, and she suddenly realized she did not want to say 'yes.' Ironic, given that a few weeks ago, she had been so ready to end her own life.

"No," she whispered, feeling a sudden tug back to the world of the living. Her journey there was not yet complete.

"Good," he said. "Tell him thank you, for sending us back here together."

"Will I see you again?" she asked.

"One day," Haku told her, "but I think you've found someone else who you'd rather greet on the other side."

"There will be a new star to guide you," Zabuza added. "Go back to the world of the living."

The next moment, Zabuza's chakra was released. Seika flinched, expecting the demonic fury that she was used to, but this was different. His chakra was golden and smooth like warm honey, not the painful, bitter dark sap that poured out of his anger.

She looked at him, awed by this change. His chakra surged, encompassing Seika and Haku, and the light around them grew brighter. Seika felt the warmth of Zabuza's hand beginning to fade. At the last moment before everything was enveloped in a white light, he leaned in and placed his lips upon her scar. It felt like a whisper.

Seika awoke with a start, breathing heavily and finding herself in a cold sweat. Her cheeks were wet with tears, which she hastily wiped away. She threw back her sheets and sat at the end of her bed, trying to assess all of the different feelings and sensations that were rushing through her. She felt different than she had mere hours ago. She felt…free.

One thought and one thought only entered her mind. Kakashi.

Kakashi hadn't slept at all. The unsettled feeling he was left with after Seika departed was still with him. He stood at the window, watching the first light of the sun begin to swell over the horizon. He was deciding whether or not he should check on her, when he heard three knocks to his left. The window was still open, and when he looked towards the sound, a warm body barrelled into him, a pair of arms encircling his neck.

"Seika–" he started to say, but she only squeezed him tighter.

"Hold me," she whispered.

He obeyed, wrapping his arms around her frame and feeling a deep protectiveness wash over him. She pulled back slightly, her face mere centimeters from his. Taking her fingers, she gently eased down his mask before leaning in and brushing her nose for a moment against his. This touch sent a warm pulse throughout Kakashi's core, and he tilted his head to place his mouth carefully against hers. He let himself revel in satisfaction of the sensation. After a moment, her mouth parted under his, and he followed her lead, letting her tongue guide his own in a slow and sensual rhythmic dance.

"Please don't take this as an insult," she said, breaking away and breathless, "but you're a much better kisser than Sukea."

A deep chuckle emanated from Kakashi. "You took me by surprise last time," he said. "I promise you it won't happen again."

"Challenge accepted," she said with a grin.

He picked her up and felt her legs wrap around him. Her cheeks were flushed, as if coming in from a cold winter day, but what struck him were her eyes. A brightness was present in her blue eyes that had not been there before. They were alive. He wondered what exactly had changed in the past few hours, but before he could ask, her fingers tangled themselves in his hair and she was kissing him again. Her body pressed closer to him, as if trying to close distance, but any physical distance between them was already nonexistent.

Waves of warmth rolled through Kakashi's body, causing him to quiver. His own physicality was responding to her lips, her tongue, her skin, the way she held onto him like he was the only thing that mattered.

He walked to his bedroom and sat her gently down on his bed, leaning over her and pushing a strand of hair away from her face. Her hands snaked up beneath his shirt and pulled it off. When she saw a set of long scars crossing his torso, she reached out to touch them, following the length of both with her fingertips.

"Those were made by the maker of your scar," he stated simply. "It aches whenever the sword is nearby. I imagine yours must, too."

She paused, meeting his eyes in recognition and sorrow.

"Does something more than shared pain bind us together?" she asked, worried for a moment about the foundations of their relationship.

Kakashi thought about fate. He and Seika shared the experience of pain and suffering, but they shared that with countless others. No, he and Seika were together now for a different reason entirely.

"If you and I are bound together, we're bound together by choice, not by circumstance."

Seika gently brushed his chest one more time, considering this. Then, she cupped her hand around his neck and brought him towards her, guiding him down onto the bed. She straddled him, and in one swift movement, she pulled her own shirt, along with any undergarments, over her head.

"Seika!" he said in surprise. If he hadn't been aroused before, he certainly was now with the sight of her bare body before him. Her skin was soft and supple, and it taunted him, just begging for his touch.

"I know why you wear a mask," she said, her breathless laughter settling like a bright ray of light throughout his room. "You have no poker face. Everything you think is written right there."

He pushed himself up on his elbows and stared at her, stunned. For once, he was at loss for words. He was still taking in her shape, all of her curves and contours…the roundness and strength of her hips, the taper of her waist, and a pleasingly ripe bosom. Then, he noticed mementos from battle across her skin as well, and he marveled at her. He began to run his fingers across her marks of trauma, one by one. She let him take his time as he moved upwards, until at last he stroked the scar running across her jaw.

Quietly, more seriously, she said, "Zabuza and Haku send their regards."

That's what changed, Kakashi realized. Somehow, somewhere in the past few hours, Seika had found her peace. He didn't need to know how…more mysterious things had happened. But if she had peace, she could have hope, and if she had hope, she could become whole again.

He pulled her close, embracing her. Her arms tightened around him in reciprocation, and then she buried her face into his neck. They stayed like this for some time, holding each other in this simple gesture of comfort.

"Are you sure this is what you want?" she finally asked, the exhale of her breath hot between their skin.

Kakashi knew she was asking about more than just this moment in time. She had a long journey ahead of her, and it would not be a light thing to walk with her through the painful process of healing. And yet, this decision felt somehow easy. He had a choice, and he would choose to pursue her for as long as she would have him.

"Yes," he said firmly.

Kakashi once again felt that butterfly feeling lifting his chest as his heart began to pound. He was sure Seika could feel it, given their bare skin was touching. He liked the sensation of her smooth and soft curves against his chest, her nakedness against his own. He grinned, and she grinned back, a wild freedom present in her eyes.

"Seika…" He repeated her name with tenderness and care. He wrapped a hand around the small of her back, caressing her warm skin with his fingertips, and with a grunt flipped her on her back. He took his hand and brushed his thumb against her jawbone, and then he kissed her jaw along her scar, slowly moving his lips down her neck and to her collarbone. His mouth moved lower, his warm and wet tongue leaving a trail of goosebumps across her body. He wanted to discover and memorize every place in which she felt pleasure.

"Kakashi…" she whispered, followed by a soft gasp of gratification as he reached a particularly sensitive spot. She arched into him, her hips pressing against his, and he groaned, unable to take it any longer. He was beginning to tremble.

With a quick movement, he removed the rest of her clothes, and then she helped him with his own. Together, fully naked, they gave in to their desire.

As the warm light of the rising sun streamed through the windows, the clothes strewn across the room cast shadows that grew and shrank across the floor. The day was beginning for the rest of the village, but at this moment the presence of dawn and the passing of time did not touch Kakashi and Seika as their bodies met and moved together. They were learning about one another in a whole new way, and for both of them, it was ecstasy.

Afterwards, they fell asleep together in the warmth of the morning sun, and both of them slept in peace.

A/N: If you're willing to share your thoughts, let me know what you think :)