Day 140 / Doubt

The nightmares were back. Inside that bubble, Garret fought to get at least a little rest, without success. That night, he was constantly hounded by apparitions.

"Isn't it wonderful? There's no pain. No suffering. No jealousy. Mamono energy fixed everything! The sick have been healed, we're forever young, and everyone has their perfect, ideal partner!"

The magician in black danced through the burning city, seemingly unaware of the flames catching on her clothes and skin.

"Ah but these are wasted words, aren't they, darling? You don't care. You burned it all to save your crusade, and they'll return the favour by killing even more."

Stop it… Shut up… it was you or us. You would have changed everyone if I didn't.

"And the children?"

His vision shifted, showing him a dark priest and kikimore, standing in the fire, the children their orphanage was responsible for, clinging to their legs.

"They were barely ten years old. Our village was peaceful, what threat could they possibly have posed?"

You know that answer! All monsters attack humans! If not now, then ten years from now! The more we kill, the faster this war will be over!

"And you'll be the one to end that war?"

Ilona. He couldn't see her, but he, somehow, felt that it was her. Her arms wrapped around him as she embraced him from behind and whispered into his ear.

"Thousands of years, millions of soldiers and hundreds of heroes? That's nothing compared to my Garret!"

She ruffled his hair in a manner that would seem playful, but her icy voice betrayed a sinister intent.

"You'll kill anyone and everyone who gets in your way, even those you love! That's why you'll make it through. Surely no one has ever tried the strategy of genocide and 'doing what must be done' before."

She tightened her hug, squeezing him against her with enough force to crack bones.

"… Right, Garret?"

He woke and rolled over, retching, and feeling like he was about to vomit. Nothing came, but he stumbled to his feet, and began pacing back and forth. Forcing himself to take deep breaths, he tried to calm his pounding heart and ragged breathing as he wandered. That nightmare was especially vivid… more so than usual… and now it had compounded, drawing elements from many of his regrets… He looked at his sleeping soldiers, who would likely die as well. Would he have to kill them? Would he dream about them too? … At least he'd likely be dead around the same time, so he wouldn't have to wait long… Wait, what are you thinking, Garret?!

He sat down on the bedroll and tried to make himself comfortable. Just one step at a time, Garret. Don't think about that. Don't think about the war.

While the crusade paused its advance to hunt down infected rangers and wizards, Garret sat in his bubble and watched the comings and goings. Occasionally one or two soldiers would be brought back and thrown into their own sphere for isolation, but Garret suspected that most of them were killed (and burned) on sight. Half a week was more than enough time for the initial stages of an infestation to manifest. Aside from the wizards maintaining the barriers, priests came to check on them periodically, performing rituals of cleansing, as did officers, who had the final say on if someone was fit to be released… or had to be killed.

"Mornin', Mr. Fax. How are you feeling?"

When one of the officers checked up on him, Garret stood up and gave a quick salute.

"Fine so far, sir. I feel a little dizzy, but that's it."

The others in his group were less coordinated. Their movements were sluggish, and they seemed to have a bit of trouble untangling themselves from the partners they'd been cuddling with.

"Then you're still ok… you there, sir!"

He called the next pair to attention and asked the same question. Their responses came slower, and usually were just that they felt 'fine'. Now, was it because they were infested, or because they were still groggy from having just woken up?

"Mr. Fax, keep an eye on them. If you see anything, let us know."

Being the least suspicious person in their bubble, Garret was given that command. He nodded, then sat back down when the officer had left. The waiting was the worst part. With his doubts, nightmares and impending doom hanging over him, being alone with his thoughts was the last thing he wanted… just get it over with…

On the second day, Garret noticed something odd. His dizziness was gone and he felt more awake and alert than ever, in stark contrast to his soldiers who had become increasingly lethargic and amorous. Rarely did the partners leave each other's arms. While they were distracted, Garret scooched himself a bit closer and looked them over. One of the pairs was seemingly fine (for now), but when he inspected the other, he spotted tiny mushroom stalks growing out of the man's arms, and a slightly larger one nestled in the woman's hair. Soon they would grow proper caps and begin spreading spores.

"Good morning, Mr. Fax. Are you feeling any different today?"

When the officers and priests came around for the daily checkup, Garret reported his feelings and findings. The officer nodded grimly, and the priest, wearing a face covering and thick leather gloves, was let through the barrier by a wizard for a closer examination. After a few minutes with the first couple, then with the second, then finally going over Garret, he gestured to the four soldiers.

"I don't think there's anything to worry about just yet. You're fine, but for safety, we're still going to move you."

In their dazed state, Garret's soldiers took the statement at face value. They were rounded up with a few other soldiers from the other bubbles, then lead off into the woods. Though they'd tried to keep things relatively covert, the smell of smoke and burning flesh that came from that direction several hours later was all one needed to deduce their fate…

That was how it went for the next few days. More and more people were brought to the initial quarantine zone, after a day or two, the priests would tell them there was nothing to worry about, then strangely, they would disappear on a day that just happened to coincide with a large amount of smoke billowing through the camp. Eventually, the priests began to be escorted by similarly masked soldiers to force the unwilling along… they could only keep what was happening a secret for so long.

As the days went by, the number of people in the bubbles decreased (sometimes from being allowed to leave, but usually by execution), and eventually the only one left was, perplexingly, Garret. He brushed his fingers through his hair, searching for fungal stalks, and ran his hands along his arms trying to feel them out, but there was nothing. Despite him receiving what was, by far, the greatest exposure to matango spores, he was showing no symptoms whatsoever. Physically, he was fine, mentally, he was sharp, he could still work his magic, and still hated the idea of being forcibly turned into an incubus. Something told him at least one of those have changed if he was mid-transformation. His situation confused the priests and officers even moreso than it did him.

"And you're sure you received significant exposure?"

"Father, I literally fell onto a pile of them. And I had to go through a hospital infested by hundreds of matango, indoors. The spores were so thick, I could taste them in the air."

The priest, an older man, doubtlessly with countless years of experience, just shook his head, baffled.

"Son, I don't know what happened, but if what you say is true, you've experience nothing short of a miracle. Sometimes a single spore is all it takes to infest someone, the human body is incapable of combatting it naturally."

"… So our goddess saved me."

"I believe so, yes."

Garret could hardly believe it. It didn't seem flashy or grand enough to be a miracle, but he could think of no other answer to the question of how he managed to survive. On that topic, his time with the matango had its own unsolved mystery… he wasn't able to fight their hallucination, but something pulled him out. Was that her work as well? Strange…

"Then am I free to go?"

"Yes."

The old priest nodded, and the wizard with him dispelled the force field.

"… Though I would strongly suggest you devote a bit of time to pray and thank her. Miracles are never given lightly."

Garret nodded enthusiastically, having already thought of this.

"Yes, of course. I will."

This pleased the priest, who spoke a brief blessing over him, before heading back towards the camp with his escorts. Now alone, Garret decided to make good on his commitment, and took a moment to clasp his hands. He offered a prayer of thanks to his Goddess… and a prayer of questions. While grateful, of course, he had to know: Why was he spared when his soldiers were not? What made him special? And if she could save him, why hadn't she saved the others? Predictably, though, he received no answer, and he headed back to camp. Out of the corner of his eye, he thought he saw someone standing amongst the trees, but when he looked, there was nothing.

Annika nearly knocked him over when she spotted him coming through their tent flap, practically diving onto him for a hug. Another few minutes of clinging to each other, another tearful reunion… They'd had so many of these, Garret couldn't help but wonder if his (or his partner's) miraculous escapes and recoveries had been from unnoticed divine intervention rather than luck or their own abilities. He tried not to think about that…

When he found Eric and Aisha, later in the day, they were just as surprised and relieved to see his survival. Refusing to take 'no' for an answer, they roped him and Annika into a night of (light) drinking to celebrate. Somehow, the two booze-hounds always managed to find some kind of alcohol, and were always willing to share.

"So you're alright? No weird fuckin'… fungus bullshit going on? We only found out what was happening a few days ago."

"Yeah… somehow, the 'fungus bullshit' didn't affect me."

"Well then you're one lucky bastard."

The group toasted after Eric handed Garret a bottle of wine, apparently looted from some isolated mamono homestead.

"The priests think it's a proper miracle. I'm inclined to agree…"

"Sounds about right… Not many people came back after getting quarantined like you."

"That's unfortunate…"

"Yeah…"

The two took a long swig of their respective drinks, and the gap allowed for Aisha, who looked like she was about to explode with questions, to insert herself into the conversation.

"Garret! What was it like in the city of mushrooms? How did things look? Sound? Taste? Feel?"

She had already brought out her journal and charcoal sticks, ready to take notes, and was looking at him expectantly.

"It was quiet… There was no one in the outskirts, just deserted streets and mushroom-covered buildings. And everything was coated in a thin layer of what we thought was dust, but eventually discovered were matango spores…"

From there, the questions went on, getting more and more in-depth. Aisha asked about the different varieties of matango he'd spotted, asked for more detailed information about the city mage-works (she was ecstatic when he handed her the magical map), asked about the leyline under the city (for she had never heard of it either), all manner of things. This went on for what felt like hours, but thankfully, Annika saw Garret's look of silent pleading, and came to his rescue.

"I think you're overwhelming Garret a little."

"Ah, Sorry!"

The comment hit like a bolt of lighting, jolting Aisha out of her interview persona, and bringing her back to reality. She flipped her journal shut, closing the book on the dozen or so pages of new notes she'd written, and quickly tucked it away.

"Thanks."

Garret nudged the woman at his arm, who smiled back.

"No problem, Garret."

While he slowly sipped at his wine, nursing a now dried-out throat, Annika turned the focus of the conversation onto their friends.

"Garret was recovering, I was visiting him a lot,… what have y'all been up to?"

"Resting!"

"A lot. Of. Patrolling."

The discrepancy in their answers raised a few eyebrows, but an exhausted Eric wasted no time in explaining.

"I've been running all over the place, trying to track down the other rangers and mages who were exposed. Aisha was exempt because you don't want to be taking deep breaths to sing when matango are around..."

"I hope they at least warded you or something?"

"No, apparently that doesn't work against spores. But we did wear face and headwraps. That helped a bit."

"Well ya made it back, so they must'a done something."

Eric nodded to Annika's comment, then slumped a little and took another long swig of his alcohol.

"Yeah… but they did nothing for the fatigue. We're stretched thin right now. A lot of rangers were infested, so we're covering their duties for them."

"Geeze… do you know how many?"

A voice from outside the tent interrupted with the answer.

"Almost a hundred. Every man and woman sent to scout near that city got infected… Evenin', guys. Mind if I join you?"

It was Rick. Aisha beaconed the man in and cleared a spot for him. After a brief round of introductions, he helped himself to a bottle.

"We lost more than half the corps… maybe more than two-thirds. That's why the rank-and-file have been pulled into scouting and tracking duties."

"Shit… What does that mean for the crusade?"

The ranger took a longing glance at his bottle, then pounded it back, chugging nearly half of it. His worn down, tired, somewhat desperate expression gave them all the information they needed.

"Nothing good… We're reorganizing now. They'll be sending out single rangers, accompanied by a handful of soldiers instead of two-ranger pairs. Since we don't have enough rangers to do it quietly, we'll have to scout in force… it's going to be a nightmare."

"Why? Don't think we can keep up with you?"

Before Garret could ask, Eric beat him to it. Rick just sighed and shook his head.

"You're not nearly as quiet as a dedicated ranger team, and no, I don't think you're keeping up with us while wearing all that armour… agh, I'm sure it'll be fine."

Took another draught of wine.

"I just hope that, when they're caught, the teams have enough soldiers to fight their way out. We don't have a choice, but… we're probably going to lose a lot of good people."

The scouting missions unfolded as Rick had predicted over the next few days. While more people meant there was technically less risk to the remnants of the ranger corps than sending them solo, the mixed parties took far higher casualties than before. It was a necessary sacrifice to protect the remaining fraction of their scouting experts, but though the extra soldiers meant they had a better chance of fighting off weaker mamono, whenever anything big showed up, the groups were in trouble. Tribes of dark elves or amazoness, the occasional apex predator like a grizzly, or powerful dark mage… pairs of rangers might have easily been able to sneak by them, but small groups drew their attention. Not many came back from those encounters.

"Alright, Garret, you're up. Good luck!"

With so many people roped into these missions, just about every one of the rank and file was helping at one point or another. Garret and Annika themselves ended up going out three or four different times, though, thankfully, they'd never had disaster befall them… yet. This was one of those missions. When they came across a lone house in the forest, the cheerful ranger leading the expedition gave him that order, indicating his turn to take point. Though she wasn't prompted, Annika kept her promise of never letting go, and was right by his side as he crept forward.

The house was unusual in that it was covered in flowering vines. The windows were full of potted plants, and the small garden in front of it was likewise in bloom. From his (admittedly limited) knowledge of botany, Garret couldn't pick out any fruit producing plants, nor did there seem to be any vegetables in the garden, which he thought strange. An isolated house like this should have something in the way of self-sufficient food production. His musings were interrupted when the door to the house suddenly opened.

Humming softly, a beautiful woman with butterfly-wings stepped outside, arms full of gardening equipment. When she spotted Garret and Annika, who had yet to reach the house, she just smiled and, after setting down a pot, waved. It didn't seem like she'd even recognized them as a threat, despite their crouched posture and visible weapons. This left the two of them at a bit of a loss, as she continued her humming and sat down beside one of the rows of flowers to weed them, turning her back on the trespassers.

She seemed peaceful… friendly, even. Thinking back to their encounter with the centaurs on the plains, Garret wondered if they could make an exception. He cast a glance at Annika, who seemed onboard with this idea, then back to the ranger, who drew his bow and nooked an arrow. He sighed, reached for his magic, and made it quick. A monster, Garret. She was just a monster… but was he turning into one himself? He tried to distract himself from those thoughts, or at least, frame his deeds in a better light. Maybe she'd been a human before and had been changed. Maybe he'd actually done her a favour, setting her free. … Maybe he was just making excuses…

When they got back to the group, the ranger gave a quick upwards nod.

"Hey. Y'alright?"

Garret responded with his best poker face.

"Yeah."

"Good."

As the group moved on, the ranger, likely not entirely believing Garret after seeing his hesitation, tried to reassure him.

"There'll be more like that, you know? But we've gotta kill 'em all. It's the only way we'll end this war."

Surely no one has ever tried the strategy of genocide bef-GET OUT OF MY HEAD!

Garret visibly flinched as the man said that, the voice from his dreams echoing through his mind. No! He was right! He just had to keep moving forward. He didn't have to think about this! He was a soldier. He was fine! He was just following orders.

Grove by grove, house by house, thicket by thicket, Garret and The Order slaughtered their way across the forest. Supposedly their army was taking significant losses in its scouting parties, which compounded as even more rangers were lost, but Garret didn't see that. What he did see was a repeat of his missions on the plains, with his small group advancing, mostly uncontested, to butcher docile, nearly defenseless single mamono or their families.

It was all just a trick, of course. At least, that was what he told himself. Mamono were almost always stronger than a similarly built human, the friendly personalities or feigned weakness of these ones were just a ploy. A tactic to undermine the moral of the army. This helped him through a few more missions, but after a couple days, the doubts in the back of his mind began creeping more and more to forefront. He had claimed their temperaments and weakness was just an act, but… were they actually? He wrestled with that question as he headed towards the meeting point for another scout deployment. Half-way there, he was intercepted by Rick.

"Oi! Garret! Annika!"

Spotting him, the man pushed through the crowd of milling soldiers and grabbed them both by the arms.

"I'm recruiting for a mission. You're with me."

"Uh, Rick, we already have an assignment."

The ranger nodded.

"Yes, lead by Melissa Koen, right?"

That it was.

"I out-rank her. You're coming with me, I'll let her know she'll have to get someone else. Our group is rallying over there."

The man pointed them in the right direction, and seemed like he was about to disappear again, when he spotted Garret's dour expression. Before he hustled away, he slapped him on the shoulder and tried to lift the mood.

"Cheer up, Garret. It's killing time!"

Then he disappeared into the crowd, leaving Garret and Annika alone (and somewhat perplexed). His partner shrugged.

"Guess plans have changed."

"Hey look! We got Fax!"

As Garret and Annika approached the group, a pair of spearmen called that out and cheered. Smiles abounded, even amongst the quieter members, and a few of them waved, beaconing him over. It took an embarrassingly long time for Garret to remember where he'd met all these people. After a moment's hesitation, the revelation hit him: They were survivors he'd pulled from the arachnae nest months ago.

"Don't tell me you'd forgotten about us?"

At the man's joking accusation, Garret tried to play his confusion off.

"Of course not. But I don't think I ever got your names."

"Lucy, Ben, Emma, Leon, Rick is our ranger, I'm Tobias, and he's Eku."

The spearman rattled off the names far too quickly, as he pointed to each person, ending with his own partner. With the introductions out of the way, the group settled into friendly conversation. Most of them were curious about what Garret had been up to, and he returned the questions, asking how they'd been. Miraculously, he was told, almost all the soldiers he'd rescued back then had survived to the present.

This was particularly good news for Eku, a dark-skinned soldier, who's parents had come to Naton as refugees when their own kingdom fell. Thanks to his efforts, Garret had saved that family from even more hardship. The thought comforted him, but Garret couldn't help but wonder… he'd been hearing a lot about conquered kingdoms, recently, and-

"Everyone's here? Good. Alright, listen up! Here's the plan…"

That line of thinking was interrupted by Rick's return, with several more soldiers in tow. With the briefing about to begin, Garret shelved the idea and listened in. He'd ponder history later.

According to Rick, scouts had reported a small dark-elf outpost that needed to be dealt with, hence the assembly of their force. To this end, he guided them towards their objective, through the thickets and underbrush, at a maddeningly slow pace. Rick insisted on them keeping a low profile, shuffling most of the way hunched over, and he seemingly stopped them every five minutes to scout ahead on his own, disappearing into the forest without a sound.

The caution, while annoying, paid dividends, though. More than once, they narrowly avoided powerful, roaming monsters, or were able to hide from something that flew overhead. Thanks to his skillful scouting and emphasis on stealth, they were able to reach their objective without incident, though any hope of an easy fight went out the window the moment they approached the tree-top outpost. It was nearly impossible to sneak up on an elf, so they were spotted almost immediately.

With gleeful laughter, a handful of dark elves peered over the railing, then lept from their outpost's deck, springing from tree to tree. They bounced around with blistering speed before diving towards their targets, while the two who stayed behind peppered them with arrows. Of course, the humans were prepared for such a straightforward attack.

Garret and Rick wasted no time in suppressing the archers with their own spells or arrows, and spears were levelled at the diving elves once the soldiers had gotten to cover. It seemed their enemies would be impaled and dealt with in an instant, but at the last possible second, the flying elves twisted in the air, narrowly avoiding the weapons, and made a graceful landing, somersaulting forward. This display of supernatural agility should have indicated just how much trouble they were in for, but Garret, reassured by their numbers and discipline, didn't realize it until they were already neck-deep in combat.

The elves ducked and weaved, dancing around the battlefield, seemingly untouchable as they avoided every strike or spell by a hair's breadth. Whips cracked and soldiers fell as the tips were deftly guided into their armour gaps. Within a few minutes, half their group had been incapacitated by the pain and pleasure of their wounds. Garret looked around for Rick, to see if he had a plan, but found him nowhere. Maybe he'd already been incapacitated? Suddenly, an arrow pierced the air and embedded itself in an elf's temple. Apparently not. One down, four to go.

When they saw a comrade had been killed, the elves became a bit more cautious, giving The Order just enough time to regroup. They formed a tight formation, trying to cover each other or deter attacks, while they focused on one elf at a time, but even this only offered them temporary salvation. One by one, their soldiers were overpowered, and though a spearman eventually managed to kill a second elf, they were still rapidly running out of men.

As they were whittled down to their last handful of soldiers, Garret and Annika were pressed closely together, working in tandem. She protected him with her shield and fended off close-range attacks with her sword, and he warded off the elves attacking from a distance with longer-ranged blasts of fire. By sheer luck – and it was luck, the elves were too skilled for it to be anything else – they managed to down a third when Annika clipped one with an erratic swing of her sword, giving Garret just enough of an opening to hit it with a spell. That was the end of their success, though. The final two had no problems subduing the last of their allies, and advanced on them.

A whip cracked, arcing around the shield, and eliciting a sharp gasp from Annika. Garret was likewise assaulted by the second elf, who landed a lash on his leg. White-hot pain shot through him, causing him to cry out, then faded to a dull throbbing. Paradoxically, though it had hurt, somehow it felt… good. Garret tried to press an attack to drive the elves back, but was only rewarded with two more lashes across his chest and back. Again, the wounds throbbed with intense pain, weakening him, but awakening a desire somewhere deep inside. Despite the pain, or perhaps because of it, some part of him was starting to want more.

As they accumulated lashes, Garret and Annika's bodies shook from the pain and pleasure, making it difficult to fight. Their movements got less coordinated, their defence less effective, and their doom quickly became apparent. Eventually, Garret had to drop to a knee, and an elf stepped up to land a finishing blow. It was then, that a saving arrow pierced her chest, immediately followed by another, slaying Annika's foe. Dropping down from a hiding place on one of the tree branches, Rick swept his gaze across the area, then hurried over to him.

"You two alright?"

Panting and blushing, they took a minute to compose themselves, then weakly responded with a 'thumbs-up'.

"Good."

Rick nodded, then busied himself with retrieving his arrows and tending to the other wounded.

"These guys aren't moving any time soon. Get up that ladder and clear the fort, we're not done here, yet. I'll join you when I've finished helping the others."

It took a few minutes to garner enough strength to even hold onto the thin, elven rope dangling from the outpost, but once his hands had stopped shaking, Garret found it surprisingly easy to climb. Why an outpost staffed by elves, who could leap from trees and climb with their hands, needed it remained a mystery, but Garret was happy for it all the same. When he reached the top, he carefully poked his head over the edge, spotting the two archers from before, slain by arrows. Aside from the bodies, the platform was deserted, so Garret pulled himself up and helped Annika over the edge when she made it to him.

"On three. One. Two. Three!"

When she'd gathered herself, the two of them leaned against the outpost's door, began a count down, then rammed their shoulders into it, breaking it open. Elven woodworking was elegant, but rarely very sturdy. Swords drawn and magic readied, the two charged into the structure.

The interior was dark and damp, somehow giving the impression of a dungeon or cellar deep underground, despite its position in the canopy. There were no windows here, what little light there was, filtered in through minute cracks in the ceiling or shone from dim, purple light-stones socketed into the walls. The worst part wasn't the darkness, though, Garret could handle that with a spell. It was the smell. The air was thick with the scent of sweat, sex, and other unpleasant odours.

Looking around the treetop hut, Garret spotted a dozen or so captive men, all bound tightly by ropes or chains. Some of them were trussed up in uncomfortable positions, bent backwards, their manhoods caged by strange metal contraptions. Others were spread eagled or contorted into human 'furniture', and a few had dozens of tiny, superficial cuts littering their body. One man was covered in his own (or was it someone else's?) excrement.

Garret had to fight to stay focused and keep the feeling of disgust from overwhelming him. Horrible monsters… he suddenly felt a lot less bad about killing them, when he saw what the dark elves had done to their captured 'husbands'. Disturbingly, the scene before them didn't just showcase sadistic intent. From the moans of pleasure and constant erections on the incubi, they all seemed to be, somehow, enjoying it. Remembering how the whips had felt, Garret shuddered. Was this what they would have turned him into if he'd fallen? Some perverse, pathetic spectacle?

"I don't think there's any hope for them."

Annika shared his grim determination, and shook her head.

"No there's not…"

With sword and spell, the two wasted no time 'freeing' the men from their corrupted existence. Their original selves would likely have thought it a mercy…

"There's more where this came from."

Just as they had finished, the pair heard a voice and whirled around. Rick had finally arrived.

"The further we go into the demon realm, the more debauchery we'll find. I wish I could say this was the worst… but it's not. Sometimes the domination is done by children. Other times, unknowable horrors that absorb the men into themselves… We've gotta do our duty and kill them wherever we find them."

The man maintained an inscrutable, somber expression as he surveyed the room, before motioning them to join him.

"Good work. Now lets get back to camp."

The return journey was an ordeal all its own. They still had to keep quiet and stay low, but some of their soldiers continued to have trouble standing on their own, needing to be supported by their comrades. The whips of the elves had clearly done a number on them.

"That's twice you've saved me, Fax…"

An arm draped over his shoulder, Garret supported Tobias and helped him walk. He shook his head as the two struggled along.

"Not me. Rick. He killed almost all of them."

"Hmm, well… you're still helpin' me now. … Though Rick did have some fancy archery."

Overhearing the conversation, their leader cast a glance back with a sly smile.

"I've had a lot of practice."

"Felt pretty useless back there. You could have done this mission all on your own."

Hearing the spearman's self-depreciation, Rick immediately whirled around and contradicted it.

"No. NoNoNoNoNo. We did it together, as a team, your distraction helped a lot! Everyone has a place here, no one is worthless."

The encouragement brought a smile to the man's face, and Garret couldn't help but find his mood lifted as well. The camaraderie and support were wonderful to have… Though when the nightmares came that evening, things didn't seem quite as rosy.

"Don't worry, Garret, just keep on killing. I'm sure everyone will love you for that.~"

He awoke, drenched in cold sweat, fleeing another dream where Ilona and the other mamono mocked and taunted him. His sudden start disturbed Annika, who yawned and rolled over.

"nyugh…. Y'alright, Garret?"

No. Stop it. Shut up. You know why I had to kill you! You saw what the elves did to their captives! You know how arachnae are! There's no good that can come of monsters existing!

"Garret?"

The second question brought him back to reality.

"I, uh… I don't know… Sorry for waking you, Annika."

"S'alright…"

She yawned, then sat upright and rubbed her eyes.

"Do you wanna talk about it?"

No, but… Garret sighed. He didn't want to talk, but ignoring his feelings so far hadn't been particularly helpful. Maybe this would be better.

"I'm just… This war is wearing on me."

"All the people you've killed?"

Annika struck at the heart of the issue without hesitation, knowing him well enough to guess.

"Yeah…"

He was quiet for a minute, staring blankly into the darkness.

"What am I supposed to do here, Annika? You saw the others with that butterfly mamono. If I hadn't killed her, the ranger would, and no one's tried to make a truce like with the centaurs in Naton. The crusade is just killing everything in its path. … But it's also right about a lot… We can't let those monsters like the dark elves or matango go free, they have to be put down."

"Rick said things get even worse, further in…"

"Yeah..."

Then it was Annika's turn to lead the conversation, though Garret couldn't tell if her tired voice was from having just woken up, or experiencing similar battle fatigue. At least she hadn't been forced to do… the things he had.

"I don't like it either, Garret… the war is a lot less glorious than we were told back in Northreach. But I don't wanna be turned into a monster, nor do I think most women do. We're making a difference here, protecting everyone. We're helping people."

"Are we really?"

"Of course! You've saved dozens of soldiers yourself, and no one will miss those dark elves. The people of Naton won't forget this, and everyone is safer for it. Maybe you can focus on the good?"

He wished it was that simple.

"That's what makes it so hard… if I could just do that, figuring out what to do would be easy. The crusade keeps humans safe, but we're killing every monster we find. Mamono corrupt humans, yeah, but some of them…"

A vision of Ilona flashed through his head.

"Some of them weren't given a choice… or seem like they don't want to attack us… I don't know… The crusade hasn't… I haven't really discriminated…"

He felt movement, then warmth as Annika snuggled up and wrapped her arms around him. Given her previous position on the matter, he half expected her to say 'I told you so'. Mercifully, she didn't.

"What are you thinkin'? Plannin' on quitting? Running off?"

After a moment's thought, he shook his head. Earlier, he might have said 'yes', but today's mission against the elves anchored him a bit. It had been a good reminder of the people he'd saved and the horrors certain mamono inflicted.

"No… not yet, anyways. I'll make it through this campaign, but I don't think I can take a second crusade… just too much hardship. Despite the good we've done, we've had to kill so many peaceful monsters…"

"Didn't you say all monsters were a threat?"

There it was…

"Yeah, I did, but…"

He clung to his statement. It was true. If they were going to end the war, they needed to kill them all… but the one thing he didn't tell Annika, the main cause of his doubts, made him question that. What if they wouldn't be able to? Visions of the children, all the families he'd killed, and that burning city, flashed through his mind. What if it was all for nothing?

"… I'm starting to wonder… I think I made a terrible mistake, all those months ago…"

Author's Note: I don't have much to say about this chapter, it should all be pretty self-evident. I'm still struggling with how to make Garret's breaking down believable, so if y'all see anything that could be improved, please let me know.

Once more, the writer's block has moved to the author's notes, so I'm going to call it here. Thanks again, everyone, for reading, and…

Until next time, Sayonara!