The dude that picked her up was allergic to cats, which she abused greatly. Rubbing up against the side of the cage she was in, she made sure to fluff all her fur in his general direction. It served its purpose, which was pissing him off and making his eyes puff up and water to the point he looked like someone decked him in the face.
Eat shit, dick bag.
The whole car ride was filled with the man's grumbling and cursing, and Corvin's consistent, obnoxious meowing. She yowled like she was in suspenders on the top of a mountain, calling the herd in or whatever yodelers did. The humans within the car were quickly fed up with her, and would rattle her kennel often to shut her up. She made it a point to screech even louder after each attempt.
"Let's just strangle the damn thing!" one of the goons said, shooting her a heated glare. The woman from before hissed to them.
"No! Boss said to leave her unharmed." her teeth clicked together, her own frustration showing as Corvin let out a particularly grating howl. "We're almost there, just suck it up!"
Corvin cackled internally at the human's suffering, serves them right for taking her. She was going to make this absolutely hell for them.
Later, after another 15 or so minutes, the car finally stopped. The doors opened and three humans hit the ground, gagging and coughing.
"That's not a cat, its a fucking demon!" one man said between hacks, spit foaming in his mouth as if to rid the taste of the foul air from the surface of his tongue. The other man was red in the face, eyes bulging as he tried to pull in clean air. The woman in the group wasn't any better, crawling desperately away from the van, foaming at the mouth.
The humans were no match for her rancid tuna farts, the fishy smell fermenting in her stomach, waiting for the perfect moment to be released. The pungent odor would make Atlas cover his nose in disgust. Even Tony couldn't handle it at times, and banished her outside until she was done playing the tooty trumpet.
The first time Tony had given her tuna was within the first week of her living with him. Not even 30 minutes later he had loudly proclaimed that her air biscuits had violated the Geneva Convention*, and Tuna was banned. She only indulged when she was out of the house.
Corvin laughed from where she sat in her kennel, her little mouth opening in a very disturbing way as her body shook from the force of it.
Fear me and my anal acoustics, humans!
A man walked to the car, looking down at the three others with concern. It wasn't until he stepped within five feet of the car that her double cheek squeaks were made apparent to him. He let out a loud wrech, stepping back from the car and covering his nose with both of his hands.
"What the fuck is that?!" He wheezed, fanning the air in front of him to ward off the smell.
"Its the -EUGHC- its the fucking ca -auHGH- cat!" the man who was allergic to her shouted. He then threw up all over the floor. The gross sounds were barely audible over the wet, vibrating sound from the car as Corvin let loose another raunchy fart. The humans clawed and scraped to get away from the vehicle as fast as they could.
It took three cans of Febreze and one brave grunt to get her out of the van.
The moment she saw Justin FUCKING Hammer, she knew some bullshit was about to go down.
Honestly, what asshole steals a man's cat?
Corvin was gearing up for another round of Wind the Horn when he clapped his hands, staring down at her with a pleased look in his eyes.
"Good good, I trust that all GPS tracking has been nullified?"
"Yes, Sir," the grunt holding her kennel said.
"And her microchip?"
"Also disabled, Sir."
Microchip? When the hell did Tony get her chipped?
She didn't have time to think about it before the two men started walking down a hallway and into a large, white hanger filled with tech.
Hammer called out to Vanko, who was working on the drones. Fuuuucckkk.
Corvin was at a loss, this didn't follow the movies at all. Well… a lot of things haven't been following the movies if she's honest. But she was going to wait to have that life crisis when she wasn't locked in a cage by two asshats trying to hurt her human.
"I've got the cat!" Hammer motioned to the guy holding the kennel to set her down on a table. Vanko walked over, looking rumbled from work, a toothpick pinched between his lips. His dark eyes looked at her critically.
"Good," Vanko said, voice low and thick with his accent. It was a nice voice, admittedly, something that could be used as covers to bbc nature documentaries.
Unfortunately, it came attached to an asshole.
Corvin growled low and slow, glaring up at the man with her yellow eyes.
The humans ignored her after a while, arguing about the drones that Vanko had built. They bitched back and forth for a long time, the verbal dick measuring match was cringe to listen to. Corvin had just the thing to break it up.
'Prrrrrfffffttttttt'
"What the FUC- AUGHk"
Hehehehe
Later on, after the crop dust had settled, Vanko went back to work and she was left on the table in the cage. Corvin spent about 10 minutes watching him before she became bored and started meowing. The man was surprisingly resilient to her yowling, holding out for a whole 10 minutes before he came striding over to her cage.
And opened it?
"Out, little cat." he huffed at her, leaving the door open until she stepped out. Corvin looked up to him, blinking her wide eyes once before darting out and into the open space. Vanko didn't come after her, even as she sprinted to the other side of the hangar.
She reached the far corner and hid behind a large, expensive looking piece of equipment. Remaining quiet and still, she listened for approaching footsteps, but heard none. Peeking out from behind her cover, Corvin noted that Vanko had gone back to whatever he was working on, ignoring her completely. Which was kinda rude, was she not important enough for his Majesty's attention?
Bitch.
Huffing to herself, Corvin moved along the edge of the room, looking for a way out. She sniffed in crannies and ducked into hovels, snooped and slouched through every hole, hatchway and panel and found each and every one locked up tighter than a Catholic Nun's chastity belt.
Bored to tears, Corvin begrudgingly tromped back to Vanko, the man not sparing her a glance.
Curling up just under a table, Corvin spaced out watching him tinker with the drones.
He was a smart man, the drones looked very high tech and sturdy. They didn't match Tony's genius but they skimmed close enough to be worth a look. She wondered what could have happened, had Vanko been a hero instead of a Villan. Maybe he would have lived to be one of those High Tech dudes who ran around kicking ass with holograms and what not, but instead he lived to be a two page villain. A footnote really. It was a shame, and a waste in her opinion.
She remembered a bit of Vanko, from her Before life. He was so consumed by his revenge against the Stark family. He was hell bent on destroying Tony even though it was Howard that had been a dirty bastard.
Sins of the Father and all that shit.
Such a talented mind, wasted on a shitty dude. Or maybe she was being too harsh. She didn't know Vanko outside of the movie, and she barely remembered that. Maybe Vanko was a better man than what had been portrayed of him. He was, after all, a Russian man and the movie had been American made. The American movie industry really hated the Russians and it was really fucking stupid. Honestly, she could watch any action movie or Military ass-kissing 'We Are True Patriots' movie and it would be a sure guarantee that one of the bad dudes would be Russian. It honestly bothered her.
Blooming from that, Corvin got an idea. A really Stupid, Insane Idea. One that could backfire completely. She thought long and hard about how she would execute the plan, step by step, until she was satisfied.
Corvin waited until Vanko left for a break; he was led from the room and to wherever he slept at night for a refresher. She was left behind with a food and water dish and a cardboard box filled with newspaper scraps as a litter box. Vanko had jerry rigged it after she spent a while bothering him with her pee pee dance.
Moving over to the table, she was careful to climb up and paw at the keys of the computer.
With a careful touch, she began to type, extending one of her claws to be more precise.
o
Shit that was a lot harder than she thought it would be. Her claw hurt from pushing down on the keys, it was meant for human strength, not cat.
With his name written out, Corvin waited for him to appear. It didn't take long, honestly. He was either already on his way back, or had something set up to monitor her.
The large man came striding into the room and she made a little 'merp' noise to gain his attention. Vanko stared at her with confused eyes from where she sat next to the computer. He went back to ignoring her, the rude asshole. Meowing a little louder, she dug her claws into some important looking chip thing next to her and pushed it to the ground, causing it to break.
Vanko cursed loudly in Russian, moving over and grabbing the circuits off the floor. Looking it over, he cast her an angry look. Finally having caught his attention, she batted her paw at the screen. Leaning over to read it read it, Vanko rolled his eyes and muttered something about 'stupid Americans.' It was obvious it didn't even cross his brain that she had been the one to write it.
Damn, time for some improv.
Reaching back to the keyboard, she tapped onto the keys again. Vanko moved to stop her button smash, but Corvin yowled loudly at him before he could touch her and poked at the screen again with her paw.
'h i'
Vanko stared blankly at the screen, hair falling into his face from the sloppy bun he had put into it. A toothpick that he had been chewing on hung precariously in his parted lips.
"The fuck?" he said quietly to himself. She moved back to the keys, typing excruciatingly slow.
'we ned takk'
The human looked down at her with wide, disbelieving eyes, which was getting old fast. Corvin reached out and clawed the shit out of the hand closest to her. Vanko ripped his hand back with a curse, fingers clutching over the thin red lines now down his hand.
"What are you, cat?" he hissed at her, his eyes turning cautious and angry.
'am cat.'
"How do you know how to do this? Did Stark teach you?" a hand waved over the keys.
'No'
"Then who?" She hissed up at him, flexing her paws, claws sliding in and out. She didn't appreciate this human's tone. And her claws hurt.
'bger kys'
"What does that mean?" Corvin rolled her little eyes, her tail flicking sharply in irritation.
'need bigger keys'
Vanko looked at the words, then back to her. Her eyes squinted at him challengingly, she was far more stubborn than this two-legger would ever be. He huffed at her and moved around, putting something together with nimble hands.
Not long later, he placed the small thing he had been working with onto a tripod. A button was pushed and a large projection of a keyboard was cast onto the floor. Corvin leaped downward.
"Tap twice on letter to write." Vanko informed her after she looked up at him in question. Giving a little chirp to him, she turned back to the projection and moved through it, tapping her paw here and there.
'much better'
"Good," he nodded, his eyes still focused on her, "Now tell me, how did you learn to write? How do you understand me?"
'learned when came here'
"Here?"
'earth'
Vanko stared down at her, once again with wide, confused eyes.
"Are you saying that you are alien?" his accent came out thicker when he was struggling to think.
'yes'
Corvin had thought very hard about how she was going to approach Vanko, how to capture his attention past the "talking cat" thing. A mutant? Interesting at first, but not uncommon. Experiment? Also interesting, but had a chance to backfire in a million ways. Like dissection. Alien on the other hand, while still a risk, was interesting and awe inspiring enough to not only capture his attention, but force him to listen and think about what she had to say. Back in her old world, Ivan Vanko was known to love space with a deep passion. And what screamed space more than a fucking alien?
Vanko knelt to the floor, his legs weakening in shock.
"Why are you here?" he said, shakily.
'protect the one.'
"The one? Stark?" she nodded at him, her yellow eyes staring into his. "Why Stark?"
'He important to universe'
"Important how?" she meowed at him, flexing her claws and glaring. "Why can't I know?"
'Less know, less bad change'
"Does Stark know?" she made no move to type. "So he doesn't know why you are here. Does he even know what you are?" her head shook. "Then why tell me?"
'u will help tony'
"конечно нет!"** Vanko yelled, standing up fast. His face twisted with rage, "Stark is a curse on this world, one I will wipe from it!"
Corvin hissed again at the stupid human. She wished he had a voice so she could tell him how foolish he was, she wished she could show him what his foolishness would get and what would come after.
That stupid, idiotic fucking human! The moron! The incompetent, egotistical shithead!
Her rage bloomed within her chest like a scorching fire as the man continued to scream obscenities about her human, it filled her to the brim and overflowed.
Red bloomed outwards and engulfed the room.
*The Protocol for the Prohibition of the Use in War of Asphyxiating, Poisonous or other Gases, and of Bacteriological Methods of Warfare, usually called the Geneva Protocol or Geneva Convention.
**конечно нет (Hell no)