Chat Noir casually made his way back. The cool night air cleared his mind, which had been a mess lately. He didn't do any of his characteristic flips, but instead sauntered slowly along rooftops. Maybe he could avoid going in as long as possible.
What a night. He could have stayed longer with Ladybug, maybe he should have. He smiled to himself. She was amazing, and he loved to make her laugh. Now that they were not constantly fighting akumas from Hawkmoth she laughed a lot more. He laughed less.
After his own world had crumbled, he found some comfort in the high peaks of Notre Dame. After the devastating fire, the grand gothic Cathedral was chard and quiet. Its roof had carved in at the centre leaving it exposed to the elements, risking further collapse. He found a isolated corner behind a beam breathtakingly high up. He leaned against a wall, and slid down till his arms wrapped around his knee, and rested his chin on them. "Plagg, claws in," he whispered, dropping his transformation.
"Do you think Ladybug has noticed anything?" Adrien tilted his head to one side to face his kwami, Plaggg, who had rested on his shoulder.
"You're both as clueless as always," Plagg responded lazily, and leaned over to change the subject, "didn't you say you just picked up some more camembert on the way out tonight?!"
"I mean she hasn't said anything…" Adrien continued, tossing a wedge of cheese to Plagg.
Plagg focused on his cheese. Instead of gulping it down in one bite as usual he took his time. The longer he had his mouth full of cheese, the less he had to pretend not to know what was really going on."
Adrian gazed around at the chard scarred structure. This place had been so beautiful. It had been there for so long…and he had always thought it would be. Now it was empty and full of sadness. Maybe one day it would be repaired and be a place of hope again, but that day was a long way away.
Ladybug already has so much on her shoulders he thought. She was so relieved when they had finally discovered who Hawkmoth was, and he had actually been able to face him. They had stopped him. He was not going to hurt anyone anymore, Adrien told himself. Then why am I still hurting? An internal voice asked back. How could I have been so blind? His internal monologue continued. Hawkmoth was my father the whole time. He had been attacking the city, the people I cared about, the girl I love…and me. He needed to be stopped.
Everything his father had cared about had dissolved into nothing. Adrien didn't miss the house, it had never been a home. Even when he and his father were under the same roof they rarely saw each other, unless his father was revoking freedom, or piling on more expectations. What brought tears to Adrien's eyes was the memory of seeing his motionless mother in the glass box. He had grieved for her, never knowing what had happened to her. Seeing her again though brought no comfort or resolution to his pain. If anything it reopened and inflicted more wounds of devastation and betrayal. Maybe one day the mysterious curse on her would be lifted (he dared to hope).
The truth is, Adrien thought to himself, the only 'family' I truly have left are my friends. In my life I had been alone enough. The pain of discovering all the lies and harm my father had done…well, I couldn't have sat in that shell of a house on my own.
His thoughts turned to his amazing classmates. At school he had never felt more loved. Everyone in his class came alongside him (except Lila, who had apparently left on another amazing trip with her diplomat parents, or at least that is what she told everyone this time).
Nino was a great listener, and also was great at getting Adrien's mind off things. Alya was his fierce defender, and it didn't matter if it was kids asking too many questions or the media smearing his name, she had his back. His childhood friend Chloe's parents had even become his temporary guardians till he turned 18 in a few months. Chloe had insisted that it was their responsibility to be there for him since they had practically grown up together. Everyone at school had been a bit shocked that he had enthusiastically agreed. Chloe was not sensitive, and not always kind, but sometimes could surprise you if given a chance. (Plus, ever since she started dating a young Italian actor from Milan she had been a lot less possessive of him). It was Marinette though who had brought him the most comfort.
She had always been an amazing friend, but now she was so much more. It was if overnight her stuttering and awkwardness around him had disappeared. She was so smart, creative and thoughtful. The freedom he finally had allowed them to hang out all the time. It had been exhausting to try to act like everything was fine in front of everyone, but with Marinette he didn't have to. With her he could just be himself (much more Chat Noir if he was honest). Somehow something just felt right when they were together. Plagg had always teased him the 'pony-tails; was more than a friend, and now he was beginning to think so too.
He couldn't help thinking that Marinette had always been beautiful, but over the years she had become drop dead gorgeous. He knew he wasn't the only one who had noticed, but Marinette seemed oblivious to the extra attention. He had never wavered in his love for Ladybug, and never would. He felt he was betraying her in some way to feel this way towards Marinette. How could you love two people so much. He needed them both in his life. His heart was as mixed up as his mind.
A couple weeks after they had defeated his father and Natilie, Ladybug had actually brought up the subject of revealing their identities. After trying to convince Ladybug all this time together that he wanted to know who she was, she was ready to open up to him. But he was startled to realize he wasn't so sure he wanted that now. The actual truth is that he wanted to more than anything, but after Hawkmoth's reveal, his guilt of not recognizing the danger right in front of him, and his insecurity, thinking maybe his Lady would look at him differently, was more than he could handle right then.
After all, there might still be danger in knowing too much. The butterfly miraculous was still missing. Even visiting his father in Jail (as Adrien) he could not find out where it had ended up. His father seemed more upset and shocked by the missing miraculous as anyone. He had lost all of his power, all his reputation, and his family His father was still utterly selfish, and unempathitic towards all others, even his own son, who he had lied to, and even nearly killed (multiple times). Gabriel insisted that he did this to get Adrien's mother back…so that they could be a family again, but the path he took to force that to happen had prevented it from ever becoming a reality. Even if one day Adrien could manage to forgive him, he would never be able to see his father the same way.
Adrien suddenly shivered, feeling the cold of the night shake him out of his tangle of thoughts. He looked up surveying the mighty structure he had taken shelter on. The ancient monument was webbed with netting as they worked to make repairs (so that it would not fall to pieces) after being weakened by the heat of the blaze. One day it would be strong again, but right now it was a broken husk of what it had once been. "We better be careful," he turned to Plagg, standing up tentatively, "this place seems ready to break apart at any moment."
"I think it is stronger than anyone thinks," Plagg mused uncharacteristically stoic.