Naruto turned to Sasuke, "Your brother is really pretty." he said bluntly, grinning at the glare he received in response, "Relax, I won't stop you from killing him." he assured, "I won't pretend I understand, but I wouldn't want you interfering with one of my chosen challenges either." he said.
Sasuke was surprised by that, he realized Naruto was acknowledging him as a champion and Itachi as someone he would kill to gain a boon. Still, hearing the blonde call his older brother pretty was just weird to the young Uchiha.
Jiraiya finished dealing with the black flames with a Fuinjutsu that the two genin overheard called Fuka Hoin and deactivated the Gamaguchi Shibari with a stomp of his foot, "Why are you even here?" the Sannin asked the remaining Uchiha now that the strange fire was dealt with.
"Itachi was in Konoha," Sasuke began plainly, "I didn't catch all the details, but Kakashi was left bedridden and I heard he was after Naruto for some reason." he explained to Naruto's surprise as Maemi peaked out of the room nervously, "Better question, why is he after Naruto?" he asked with narrowed eyes.
Naruto frowned, "They mentioned the-" he began before his eyes widened as he remembered what they were after, he didn't continue his statement. Maemi found the area to be clear and moved to stand with her horned master.
Jiraiya sighed, "That's not something you should concern yourself with." he told Sasuke plainly. Before he could continue a kunai flew between them and a green blur flew at the white haired man, "Gai!?" he asked right before he got kicked in the face.
The green clad jonin realized his mistake immediately and began his apology as the Sennin reset his broken nose with a glare, "Oh my, I'm so sorry, I was in such a rush I forgot my hand mirror." Gai began with a nervous laugh, "So I used my hitai-ate instead, but it didn't give me the clearest image and I thought you were the enemy." he explained.
Jiraiya's eye twitched, "Hey, is that supposed to be an apology?" he grumbled, "Well, never mind." he sighed, letting it go, "I take it you're here to take Sasuke back?" he questioned.
"Yes!" Gai answered boisterously, "Sasuke-san, I know you have a history with one of the individuals, but they are S class nukenins." he started to lecture.
"I know Itachi's ability better than anyone!" Sasuke snapped back with a snarl, "Naruto, why the hell was he after you!?" he demanded to know.
"You're asking a dangerous question." Jiraiya suddenly warned, giving the boy a serious glare.
Naruto frowned, "I don't even know for certain myself," he began, reaching up to his stomach, "but if what I heard is right, then it's my question to answer." he pointed out.
Jiraiya sighed, "Fine, answer him then." he said with a dismissive wave. Sasuke was confused by the discussion, wondering what they were hiding.
Naruto considered how to say it, "I'm like Gaara... Except I don't have an ikiryo inside me, but the Kyubi no Yoko." he explained
Sasuke's eyes widened, "Oh," he muttered, "that's why you have so much more chakra." he realized with a frown as he narrowed his eyes. Naruto averted his gaze, "What a relief." the Uchiha decided, startling all three of the other ninja who already knew, "That explains a lot, alright hurry up with your mission. I need to train more if I want to beat Itachi when he comes for you again." he said bluntly.
Jiraiya blinked owlishly, of all the answers he expected that was not one of them. Gai just scratched the back of his head, "Uh, well, good luck with whatever your mission is, Jiraiya-sama, Naruto-kun." he said as a farewell.
Naruto grinned, "I don't need luck!" he insisted with a laugh, "I'm the Kajo no Ninso y'know!" he added proudly as he waved goodbye to them.
Jiraiya lead Naruto back to the room, he was surprised by how well Sasuke had taken that news about his new blonde pupil. Of all the emotions he'd expected from the Uchiha, relief had not been one of them.
"I suppose I should start with our mission." Jiraiya decided after a moment, figuring he'd get the easiest thing out of the way as he rummaged through his pockets, "We're looking for the third of the Densetsu no Sannin, my former teammate." he explained.
Naruto raised an eyebrow, "I thought you said she was a looker, I didn't even know you were into women your own age but I don't think wrinkles are very pretty y'know." he said rudely.
Jiraiya's eye twitched, "Well knowing her, she probably doesn't look her age." he said vaguely as he pulled out a photo, "Namekuji Tsunade-hime," he stated her name as he handed over the photo, "iryojutsu specialist and massive tits." he explained.
"Oh, yeah, iryojutsu would be useful back home right now." Naruto mused as he looked at the picture of the blonde woman with the violet diamond in the center of her forehead and brown eyes, "Damn, those are bigger than my head." he muttered, "So you think she can cure bushy brows?" he asked.
Jiraiya was taken aback by that, "If anyone can, it's Tsunade-hime." he answered with a nod, "Her haori has the kanji for gambling on the back, keep an eye out for her while we're searching." he instructed.
Naruto nodded thoughtfully, rubbing his chin, "So, what's she like?" he asked curiously.
Jiraiya smirked, "You interested in her?" he asked in a teasing tone.
"Big milky y'know." Naruto answered with a nod.
Jiraiya was taken aback for a moment by the blunt honesty before he laughed at the ridiculous response, "Alright, let's see," he began, rubbing his chin as he recovered from the outburst of laughter, "in one sentence, she's kinda unpleasant." he began, "She's addicted to gambling, and her face is known throughout the lands." he explained.
"She should be easy to find then, right?" Naruto asked as he wondered what the catch was.
Jiraiya chuckled, "Well, she's infamous too, she's called the Densetsu no Kamo. She loves gambling but she's awful at it." he continued, "But, no matter how famous or infamous she is, she won't be easy to find." he confessed, "Probably using jutsu to hide her appearance to avoid debtors. I've even heard she has been transforming on the fly, going from teens to thirties, all to cut out on moneylenders she borrowed too much from." he revealed with a sigh.
"That's pretty terrible." Naruto said in a flat tone, Maemi decided she liked this woman already, "Were they that big in her teens?" he asked with another look at the photo of the blonde woman.
Jiraiya laughed, "Not really, they certainly grew in her teens but when I first met her she was a young tomboy." he explained.
"So, there is hope for Sakura-chan." Naruto mused, Maemi was glad the pink haired kunoichi was not around to hear that statement, "Anyway, what's this jutsu you'll be teaching me?" he asked eagerly.
Jiraiya scoffed, "I still haven't heard any respect on my name." he retorted before frowning regretfully, "And before that, there's the other thing." he continued, "Kakashi told me you wanted to hear about the woman who gave birth to you."
"You knew her!?" Naruto snapped, the blonde was starting to feel like everyone but him seemed to know, but he supposed so far it was just the Sandaime, Kakashi, and now Jiraiya.
Jiraiya averted his gaze, "I should say so, it'd be weird for me not to know her." he said hesitantly, "Considering I was named your godfather."
Naruto stared blankly at the man as his pupils narrowed to slits, "What." he said, it wasn't a question, "What the fuck is wrong with you!?" he snapped, his face contorting with rage before he closed his eyes and took a deep breath, the scented oils on his clothes reminding him of Slaanesh as he struggled to set aside his wrath, "Why? Where?" he added frantically.
Jiraiya sighed, "Yeah, I was kind of scared you'd react like this." he confessed, "Look, kid, I am sorry, but I've got a spy network to run, I do missions outside of the village for extended periods of time." he tried to excuse.
"I've been alone for my entire life and the first time I see my godfather is because Hokage-jiji ordered him to check on me!?" Naruto snapped, glaring at the white haired Sannin.
Jiraiya scratched the back of his head, "Yeah, I fucked up." he confessed, "Truth is, I figured you were taken care of by Sarutobi-sensei, it didn't occur to me that the Hokage would be too busy to look after you properly. It's one of the reasons I definitely shouldn't be Hokage." he said the last part as a mutter.
Naruto continued to glare, "So who was the woman who gave birth to me?" he asked shortly, the lack of a motherly title for the woman made the man flinch.
"Kushina Uzumaki," Jiraiya answered, "you actually sort of look like her but, uh," he thought of how to put this, "more feminine." he decided, "You've got fuller lips and eyelashes, and your hair is completely different." he explained, "She was a strong kunoichi." he finished mournfully.
Naruto took a bit to process this information, "These features, the girly ones," he began, "I'm guessing they didn't come from my other birth parent." he assumed, "They came from Slaanesh-kaasama, Slaanesh-tousama." he said, making the old man flinch again from the respectful parental title being given to a deity, both of them to the same deity no less.
Jiraiya couldn't confirm or deny it, not yet, so he stayed silent. Maemi had no such concerns and crawled into the lap of the horned blonde, "It's okay Naruto-sama, Slaanesh-sama chose you as Maebure for good reason." she said, "I'm sure Slaanesh-sama would be grateful to your parents for giving birth to you." she added to remain in the good graces of the Sennin.
Naruto sighed, "Yeah, I guess." he grumbled, "So what's this ninjutsu you promised to teach me?" he asked, unable to help glaring.
Jiraiya wisely decided not to bring up the respectful name condition at that moment, "I'll tell you more about it tomorrow, get some rest for now." he insisted, not wanting to get into it so late.
The next day Naruto was still in a foul mood, Maemi tried to think of something to cheer the blonde up as they continued towards the next town. The boy didn't usually sulk for this long, but given the circumstances the Muse couldn't blame him. It seemed that Jiraiya at least had thought of something, as the next town he brought them to was in the middle of a festival.
"I've never been in a place like this before." Naruto mused, already perking up slightly from the excess of new sights and sounds as he looked around.
"This festival will probably be going on for a while, we'll stay here while it's on." Jiraiya said with a smile, "We'll train here too, and I'll try to get information on Tsunade-hime." he added.
Naruto grinned, "Oh, I should buy a new sword!" he said excitedly, looking around for a smith.
Jiraiya raised an eyebrow, "What's wrong with your current sword?" he asked and the blonde unsheathed it to show half the blade was missing, "Oh." he said with some surprise, "Well, play is just as important as work!" he insisted, "Get some recreation in after you replace that sword and we'll start training later." he instructed, "I'd recommend a sword you can actually use though." he added.
"I could use this just fine!" Naruto retorted, offended by the implication, "Gaara's sand was just really hard." he grumbled, "I've been saving up though, so maybe I'll get two swords!" he finished with a laugh as he wandered off with Maemi following close behind, the Muse and her horned master earning some odd and curious looks but with the festival going on a few people just assumed it was an odd costume.
Soon enough Naruto found a stall selling swords, the salesmen was a large bald man with dark eyes who, from his attire and build, was probably the smith, "Hey, Ojisan, how much for that katana?" he asked eagerly, pointing to a weapon in a black lacquered wood scabbard with a golden pommel and hexagonal tsuba, the handle braided with white material.
The smith narrowed his eyes, "That's a tachi, brat." he responded, "Probably outside of your price range, and it's a sword for adult cavalry not little girls." he lectured, although the sheathed sword stashed in the purple sash of the blonde caught his attention.
Naruto frowned, "I'm a shinobi, and I need a new sword!" he insisted, "I've been saving up from my missions, so just give a price!" he demanded, not even bothering to correct the man on his sex since explaining that he was a hermaphrodite just seemed like a headache.
"What's wrong with that sword there?" The man asked, "It a display piece or something?" he questioned, not believing the genin at all.
"No, it broke." Naruto answered, unsheathing it to show the weapon off. The eyes of the large man widened in surprise as he realized it was a genuine sword, "Come on, I want to be able to wield massive swords when I'm older, so something like that is perfect for me y'know." he insisted.
The smith sighed, "Sixty thousand ryo." he responded, figuring the price would scare the kid away.
"Awesome!" Naruto laughed, "Any wakizashi that would go with it?" he asked, surprising the smith further. The man considered it, and showed a smaller sword with a similar scabbard, although its pommel and tsuba were polished steel, the tsuba itself was oval on this weapon.
Naruto grinned when he heard the price of the wakizashi was only six thousand ryo in comparison and forked over the money, although his purse was far more empty after that. He stashed the swords in his sash, noting that the tachi had a slightly longer blade with a tighter curve than a katana, and handed his old, broken sword, to Maemi to carry. The Muse figured she could probably use the damaged blade if she needed to, it was still a blade after all.
Leaving behind a baffled but pleased sword merchant, Naruto moved on to try enjoying the festival. However he found most of the games were a bit boring, without the thrill of danger or getting stronger they just didn't excite him at all. The food was nice though, and he was enjoyed a grilled squid while looking for Jiraiya with a bored expression.
The blonde wasn't paying much attention when he heard the laughter of the white haired Sannin and turned to follow it, bumping into an older man with dark spiky hair, getting some of the meat juice from his squid on the high collared white suit jacket of the man, a yellow shirt with a blue tie visible underneath the coat.
Before the blonde could apologize another man in a black dress suit with a black tie and white undershirt began to scold him, "Yo! Look at what you did!" he said, apparently angry on behalf of the other man who just looked annoyed, "You've mussed up Gantetsu-niisan's top shelf coat!" he scolded, "Do you know how much that coat costs!? One hundred thousand ryo! You better be able to pay up!" he insisted, a few onlookers finding the sight of an older man shouting at what seemed to be a young girl in costume to be distasteful but Maemi noticed they were all too nervous to do anything about it.
Naruto just gawked at the jacket, "You paid that much for such a cheap-looking jacket!?" he asked, stunned by the price mostly because he thought it looked lame, "Why would you pay so much for such an ugly looking coat, dumbass!?" he questioned with a raised eyebrow and a look of disgust.
Gantetsu's eye twitched as his lackey glared, "Are you picking a fight, shojo?" the bald man asked and the blonde's eye twitched at the emasculating title before he remembered he wasn't technically just a boy anymore, "That ain't a wise decision!" the man warned loudly, "Aniki's a former Iwagakure chunin, a powerful ninja famed as the Densetsu no Annin!" he explained.
Naruto suddenly grinned at that news, "A nukenin?" he asked eagerly as he shifted back on his left foot and handed the remains of his grilled squid to Maemi, "So you'd have a price on your head? What is it?" he asked excitedly as his left hand gripped the scabbard of his new wakizashi, having just spent most of his savings on his two new swords the opportunity to make some quick cash interested him, and he was curious about an idea that Tenten put in his head before the chunin exams.
Gantetsu frowned, "That hitai-ate, Konohagakure huh," he mused, "so you're a kunoichi?" he assumed, "You're a bit young, so I'm guessing you're an uppity genin." he guessed, "You sure you want to mess with a chunin? Tell you what, hand over those swords and I'll let you leave with your life." he said graciously.
Naruto scoffed, "No way, I just bought these." he said dismissively, "That's why I want to know the price on your head y'know!" he added with a feral grin that bared his fangs, his pupils were mostly rounded at the moment, "Come on, don't tell me you're scared of pretty little me?" he asked in a teasing tone as he slipped the scabbard of the wakizashi out of his sash.
The commotion attracted a crowd, Jiraiya having heard the argument from inside the bar he was enjoying himself in was frowning. The Sannin got ready to save his new student in case it was necessary, but he was curious about the abilities and confidence of the blonde.
Gantetsu scowled and lunged at Naruto, swinging his right fist at the face of the hermaphrodite shinobi. The blonde heard the Tatakainouta and unsheathed his new short sword in the direction of the attack, cutting open the sleeves and inner forearm of the Iwa nukenin in a spray of blood with the iaijutsu strike.
"Come on, Gantetsu, I challenge you y'know!" Naruto insisted, "You can do better than that, right?" he asked with a mocking smirk, holding his wakizashi between them. It was a shorter blade than he was used to by now but being able to draw and cut with the same movement was interesting at least.
Gantetsu stumbled back clutching his arm with an angry expression, "You little bitch!" he snarled, "I underestimated you, but if you want to die that badly then I'll indulge you." he growled as he bound the wound with his torn jacket and pulled out a tanto, "Choseki-nii, make sure no one interferes." he ordered the bald man.
Naruto continued to grin, swaying slightly in place in time with the song only he could hear. The Iwa chunin lunged again, feinting at the eyes of the blonde who swayed backwards from the false thrust before slashing towards the right arm of the younger ninja. The horned blonde twisted his own arm with a flick of his wrist to parry the real attack before stepping forward to ram the end of his empty scabbard into the right eye of his opponent, following up by stepping forward on his right foot to keep the backwards stumbling nukenin in range and reversing his grip on his wakizashi to stab it into the right arm of his opponent.
With a pull of his right arm Naruto delivered a horned headbutt that drove his right horn into the right shoulder of his opponent, goring and effectively mangling Gantetsu's right arm. The chunin cried out in pain before he palmed a kunai in his left hand to stab at the younger ninja in the neck, only to be startled by the ability of his young opponent to pull back and dodge the attack he had no way of seeing coming while lifting his left arm to use the scabbard to guard against any follow up strike.
Naruto licked some blood from his upper right lip, right eye closed from the spray of blood caused by his headbutt, and swiftly lifted his left knee into the side of his opponent as the crowd watched in stunned horror. Then the hermaphrodite shinobi leaned back and snapped his left foot up to catch his opponent in the cheek as he tore his wakizashi free from Gantetsu's arm, the tanto of the former chunin clattering to the ground as the man stumbled back clutching his mangled right arm with his left hand that was still loosely holding his kunai.
"Shit, this shojo ain't normal, Aniki!" Choseki cried out in alarm, only then starting to realize that the horns and swords were not a costume. Gantetsu had no answer, his right eye was already bruising from the blow from the scabbard of the wakizashi. The injured nukenin panted, realizing with growing alarm that the young blonde had an alarming level of killing intent for the apparent age.
"Damn right!" Naruto bragged as he slipped into a kabuki pose, "I'm the Densetsu no Kajo no Ninso!" he introduced with a laugh, "Kanzen no Shinobi! The one who drank the Eiyu no Mizu and lived! Naruto-sama!" he went through titles as he posed, some of which he made up for himself. Gantetsu and Choseki seemed suitably intimidated, more from the injuries one of them sustained and the blood now covering the horned blonde than the titles.
Jiraiya sighed in slight exasperation, but couldn't resist a fond smile at the antics of the blonde genin, "I can't leave you alone for a moment, can I?" he asked as he stepped out of the crowd.
Naruto turned to the white haired man in surprise, "Eh? Hey!" he didn't seem pleased with the interruption, "I'm in the middle of a challenge! This guy is a nukenin, so I'm taking the price on his head!" he declared, turning back to his already beaten opponent with a predatory grin.
Gantetsu paled in a way that had little to do with blood loss, "I apologize!" he said suddenly, dropping to his knees to bow his head to the ground, "I had no idea who I was messing with!" he insisted, "Here! This should have more than the price on my head, Ojosama!" he begged as he presented his wallet.
Maemi snorted in amusement as Naruto pouted, "Aw," the blonde complained, "fine, I guess you can live." he agreed, sheathing his wakizashi after wiping it on his left sleeve to stash it back in his sash before he accepted the wallet and counted his earnings as the two nukenin ran off. The crowd slowly dispersed, although attention was still on the two Konoha shinobi.
Jiraiya shook his head, "That guy was weak for a chunin," he commented, revealing he'd been listening for a bit, "you're lucky you're strong for a genin." he added, although he had been watching in case the former chunin was enough of a threat to warrant his interference earlier.
Maemi handed Naruto a cloth to wipe his face with, "Well I won't be a genin for long." he insisted, annoyed at the reminder of his actual rank, "Anyway, that was fun but I'm bored now. Can we train?" he asked eagerly.
Jiraiya raised an eyebrow, "You ready to put some respect on my name?" he asked since the blonde seemed to be back to his usual cheerful self, the fact a bloody fight had cheered him up the most was a cause for some concern though.
Naruto pouted, "Please, Jiraiya-jiji?" he reiterated his request, hugging the left arm of the old man and pressing his growing chest against the arm as he fluttered his eyelashes.
Jiraiya's eye twitched in annoyance at the blatant attempt at seduction, although the softness on his arm was alarming he still wasn't interested, but he supposed that honorific was probably the most respectful he was going to get considering it was the one the blonde used for the Sandaime Hokage, "Fine, let me buy some things and we'll head out." he acquiesced with a sigh of defeat, he mistakenly assumed the softness was a subtle use of Henge no Jutsu.
Apparently the thing Jiraiya wanted to buy was a bunch of water balloons, and apparently the reason for this was in fact for training the A rank ninjutsu he had promised to teach Naruto. The horned blonde wondered how swirling water around until a balloon popped was supposed to teach him a jutsu, but the Sennin explained that it was a jutsu that required no hand signs and was invented by the Yondaime Hokage.
With that in mind Naruto had worked on training, but was annoyed to find that just swirling the water only distorted the balloon. Maemi had also suggested he buy a kiseru pipe with a blackened bamboo stem and silver ferrules, Naruto wasn't sure why but the Muse hadn't steered him wrong yet and showed him a herb blend she'd made for him to smoke. It smelled of the damiana she'd had him buy, as well as lavender, tobacco, and ground up cloves.
Apparently the herb blend was supposed to help him relax, the blonde could tell she'd been looking for a different plant the entire time but didn't press the issue. He found the smoke harsh on his throat and lungs at first but the effect was pleasant at least, he wasn't sure if it was helping him with training but it did seem to stop his mind from wandering with a much more mild effect than his combat stimulants.
Even with Maemi's help it took Naruto two entire days to figure out how to rotate his chakra the correct way to pop it, the Muse having been the one who realized Naruto actually needed to rotate his chakra in multiple directions. Despite the annoyance of the genin, his newest sensei had been impressed by the feat.
"This jutsu took Yondaime-sama three years to master." Jiraiya explained, but this only served to motivate Naruto to train harder on the second step, which involved taking the rotations of the first step and upping the power to burst a rubber ball. To the surprise of the Sennin yet again, Naruto actually completed that one much more easily. That the young blonde was capable of drawing out so much powerful chakra already was alarming, but Jiraiya was impressed regardless of the implications.
The Sannin did still worry about the altered Fuin that contained the Kyubi, but as near as he could tell it was still the chakra of the bakegitsune. As expected though, the third step gave Naruto a lot of trouble. The blonde could draw out a lot of destructive power, but even with Maemi and his chakra control exercises he couldn't contain the power in an orb. It was like his chakra simply wanted to run wild.
Jiraiya supposed it was fine, his progress on the first two steps had been beyond his expectations, and soon the old man finally found a lead on Tsunade being in a place called Tanzaku Quarters. He hoped his old teammate was still there by the time they arrived.
As soon as they arrived Jiraiya understood why Tsunade was here, the whole place was a gambling town. Almost every building was some kind of gambling hall or gambling den, there were residential buildings for people to live, markets to shop for groceries, and a couple of brothels, but most bars or diners either were a gambling hall or had a gambling den attached.
Jiraiya figured he should have checked a place like this first, but hindsight was twenty-twenty and all that. Naruto was still struggling with the third step of containing his chakra in an orb, and took no interest in any of the gambling until he'd found a coin by chance and tried putting it in a slot machine on a whim.
The Sennin was now a firm believer that Naruto really was beloved by the Kajo no Kami, only a Kami could provide such divine luck. The proprietor of the establishment he was winning money in didn't look happy but offered him some complimentary coupons for a diner down the street, Jiraiya recognized it as their attempt to save face while politely insisting the genin leave. The white haired man noticed even Maemi was surprised by how much Naruto had won, so he supposed some of it had to be chalked up to gambling instincts combined with raw luck.
It seemed whenever Naruto bet on a multiple of six he almost always won, it wasn't a sure thing but Jiraiya had noticed the pattern and was curious. He supposed six was the lucky number for his blonde student, odd since he was on team seven which was usually the number associated with luck.
Much to Jiraiya's concern, the castle in Tanzaku was destroyed. Questioning a concerned citizen revealed a giant serpent had destroyed it not long ago, but inspecting the ruins he found no trace of Orochimaru. With a sigh, the Sennin went with Naruto to the diner he'd been given coupons for.
As soon as he entered he locked eyes with Tsunade and came to a conclusion, Naruto Uzumaki was a living lucky charm, "Tsunade-hime!" he greeted, unable to keep the surprise from his face.
Tsunade herself was clearly already drunk, "Jiraiya!?" she greeted, looking even more surprised than him. Naruto was just stunned the woman was actually around fifty years old, "What the heck are you doing here?" the woman questioned.
"I'll explain over some food and drink." Jiraiya decided, leading Naruto to sit across from Tsunade and a slender young woman with onyx eyes, shoulder length jet black hair framing her face, dressed in a long bluish-black kimono with white trimmings, held closed by a white obi, and open-toed sandals with low heels.
Maemi sat across from a pig, she assumed it was emergency food supplies. Naruto wondered if the pretty lady sitting next to Tsunade was also secretly an old woman, but decided not to ask as he would rather not know if she was. Jiraiya ordered for the group, getting a bit of everything. Naruto avoided the vegetables, but enjoyed some meat and fish.
"'Been seein' lot o' familiar faces today." Tsunade slurred with a flush on her cheeks from the alcohol, even though Naruto knew her true age he had to admit she was very pretty and stared at the two woman across from him while he ate. The young blonde wondered if this counted as a double date.
"Orochimaru, right?" Jiraiya asked, startling the blonde genin out of his thoughts, "So what's up?" he added, wondering what their old teammate had wanted.
Tsunade didn't answer at first, hands clasped in front of her she glanced to the dark haired woman next to her, "Nothin', really," she finally answered and Maemi frowned at the lie, "jus' wanted to say hi, I guess." she continued, "So what's up with you? Whaddaya want with me?" she asked as she lowered her arms down to the table and slumped forward to regard the white haired Sannin suspiciously.
"I'll lay it straight," Jiraiya began seriously, "the village requests that you accept the title of Godaime Hokage." he explained and Naruto choked on a piece of fish since he had not been told about that particular detail of the mission, "Did you hear about Sandaime-sama?" the white haired man asked after making sure his student did not require medical assistance.
The dark haired woman with Tsunade looked sad at those words, "Orochimaru did him in, right?" Tsunade asked rhetorically, "I heard it right from the snakes mouth, as it were." she confirmed.
Jiraiya frowned as he found that odd, but leaned forward, "So, do you accept?" he asked and there was a long silence, "Well?" he added since the blonde Sannin seemed lost in thought. Naruto just seemed annoyed at the conversation, Maemi understood why as he wanted to be Hokage.
"...Sorry, no thanks!" Tsunade finally answered, surprising Naruto.
Jiraiya just chuckled, "Well that's a nostalgic line, you used it once before when I asked you to go out with me." he commented dryly, sounding disappointed.
"Whatever!" Naruto declared, losing patience with the old folks discussion, "Her medical expertise is needed back in Konohagakure right now, right? That's our mission!" he insisted, "I don't know where the idea of her being Hokage came from but she turned it down, can we just drag her home now?" he asked.
Tsunade raised an eyebrow, "Isn't she a little young for you, Jiraiya? she asked with a disapproving glance.
Jiraiya held up his hands, "Woah! Don't go implying that, this is Naruto Uzumaki and he's my latest pupil!" he said quickly, not wanting weird rumors to spread, referring to the blonde as a boy was surprising to the two kunoichi though. Tsunade narrowed her eyes, recognizing the name but she was startled by the appearance of the horned hermaphrodite.
"Also are you one to talk?" Naruto asked with a raised eyebrow, "Unless the pretty lady next to you is-" he began.
Jiraiya sensed disaster coming and intervened, "Shizune-san is the apprentice of Tsunade-hime," he introduced quickly, "so in a way you're both students of Sannin." he added to distract the blonde from whatever he'd been about to say.
"Oh, well nice to meet you, Shizune-neechan." Naruto greeted with a wide grin, baring his fangs.
Tsunade narrowed her eyes as she finally took stock of the blonde sitting next to Jiraiya, "I want to say you can't fool a medical expert," she began, "but I actually can't tell if you're a boy or a girl." she confessed with a confused expression, "With all the perfume oils and facial features I assumed girl." she added as she mentally considered that it would explain how the younger blonde referred to himself with 'ore', a very arrogant way for someone so young to refer to himself used almost exclusively by confident warriors and punks.
Naruto scratched the skin around his right horn, "Oh, right, yeah, I guess I'm both or something." he revealed with a shrug. Tsunade noticed Jiraiya seemed startled by that news as well, indicating a recent development he hadn't been made aware of since something like that would not escape medical check ups.
"Both!?" Shizune asked with a stunned expression, "I didn't even think that was possible..." she added, frowning thoughtfully.
"I'm blessed by the Kajo no Kami, Yorokobi-sama, Yokubo-hime, Slaanesh-kaasama!" Naruto revealed cheerfully, "This is Maemi-chan, a Kajo no Tenshi known as a Muse I'm bonded to." he introduced while he was on the topic. Maemi smiled and waved, she noticed how the two kunoichi found her unnerving and couldn't fault their instincts.
Jiraiya sighed, "Alright, well no one told me about that detail." he grumbled, "What side of the hot springs are you even supposed to use?" he wondered, Naruto just shrugged as he hadn't really thought about that, "Whatever, back on topic, Tsunade-chan is the only choice for Godaime Hokage." he explained, steering the conversation away from the peculiar topic, "Not only did contribute greatly to Konoha's victory during the turbulent era of war, but there are none who can stand shoulder to shoulder with her in regards to battle or iryojutsu. Furthermore, she is Tsunade Senju, the granddaughter of the Shodai Hokage, so she comes from an esteemed bloodline too." he continued to the surprise of his student, "If she agrees to be the Hokage, then we can go home and she can look at your injured friend." he added with a smile.
Naruto scowled at that explanation, "If you're not fit to be Hokage then why is she?" he asked with a raised eyebrow, "She already said she doesn't want the job, and if she doesn't even want the job I say she doesn't deserve it." he grumbled, agitated by someone rejecting what he wanted.
Jiraiya sighed, "It's not the sort of thing a genin has any sway over." he said, pulling rank on the purple eyed blonde. Having his official rank brought up was starting to become annoying to the young champion of Slaanesh, he'd already proven he could beat chunin and even if it was with the help of Eiyu no Mizu he had killed a jonin once.
Tsunade scoffed, "I think I liked your last disciple better." she told her old white haired teammate with an amused smirk, prompting a glare from Naruto.
Jiraiya rolled his eyes, "Aw come on, nobody can actually compare to the Yondaime Hokage." he pointed out, "As a shinobi his capacity was unparalleled, a true one of a kind," the old man started reminiscing, "he was overflowing with talent for jutsu and intelligence, he was socially popular, and he was a looker like me." he finished with a brag.
"Yet even with all that going for him, he died prematurely, sacrificing his life for the sake of the village." Tsunade spoke up somberly, "Life is not like money, to risk and throw it away is a fool's errand." she said with a sad smile.
Naruto turned to Jiraiya, "You have terrible taste in women." he said bluntly, "You seriously thought this terrified wash up would be a good Hokage?" he asked incredulously and Tsunade's eye twitched, "If this is the bottom of the barrel you're scraping you might as well just pick me for the job now!" he added.
Tsunade laughed, "A genin for Hokage?" she asked incredulously.
Naruto narrowed his eyes as his pupils narrowed into slits, "I'm getting real sick of people acting like military rank means anything when I've already killed chunin and jonin in battle." he said coldly, for a moment the blonde Sannin thought he was bluffing, when she realized he wasn't her eyes widened in surprise.
"How old are you?" Tsunade asked, alarmed by someone so young talking about killing so casually.
Naruto just jabbed a thumb at his hitai-ate, "See this? It means I'm an adult soldier of Konohagakure no Sato." he answered, "I don't know what your deal is, but my home doesn't need a Hokage who wallows in despair hiding from moneylenders." he said dismissively.
Tsunade narrowed her eyes for a moment before sighing, "Why would you want to be Hokage anyway?" she asked, expecting a childish answer.
"It's not a matter of wanting it." Naruto answered, "I will be Hokage, because Hokage is the greatest ninja in the village and I will be Kanzen no Shinobi." he declared arrogantly.
Tsunade raised an eyebrow, "You look more like you're trying to be a samurai." she pointed out dryly.
Naruto just grinned, "Ninja are good at deception right? Well you also thought I was a girl." he pointed out, "Actually, that reminds me, you like gambling right?" he asked with a cocky smirk.
Tsunade scoffed, "I'm not playing dice or cards against a kid." she retorted.
"Give me a dice." Naruto demanded, heedless of the actual words the woman said, "I won't have you call me a cheat, so give me a dice of your choosing." he insisted.
Tsunade raised an eyebrow, wondering what the blonde was angling at, "I don't have dice just on me." she said bluntly.
Naruto scowled, trying to think of a game of chance to use against the woman, "Fine," he decided with a smirk as he pulled out a kunai and a shuiken, fiddling with the four pointed star and the knife for a moment with the sound of scraping metal, "we'll do it this way!" he announced, showing off the symbol of Slaanesh he'd carved on one of the points, "You toss this spinning into the air, over the table, if it lands off the table we do it over, if it lands any of the other three points in the table you get all this!" he offered, showing off the money he'd won that day.
Tsunade was interested now, "Alright brat, you got my interest." she said with a smirk as she held out her hand for the shuriken.
Naruto grinned, "Good, because if the point I put the symbol of Yorokobi-sama on lands point down in the table you'll owe me three things for the three points it didn't land on." he insisted.
Tsunade frowned but the odds were still in her favor, "What three things?" she asked, interested or not she knew her own luck well enough.
"First, you have to come back to the village to use your iryojutsu for Konoha." Naruto began, "Second, you have to acknowledge that I'm the better Hokage candidate than you." he added, "Finally, you have to transform to the same age as me and join my harem!" he finished as his grin turned cheeky.
Tsunade and Shizune stared at the young blonde in shock, Jiraiya's and Maemi's cheeks puffed out as they both struggled not to laugh but only the Muse succeeded so the white haired Sannin was guffawing loudly in a moment.
Naruto's expression didn't waver as he offered the shuriken, Tsunade tested the weight and found it wasn't rigged, if anything by scraping some metal off one side the cocky genin had probably rigged it against himself. Still, the Senju woman was hesitant, eyeing the money Naruto had anted on the wager.
"I'll pass." Tsunade decided, carefully placing the shuriken down before the owner. The horned blonde pouted at his challenge being refused, his expression indicating he really had been confident in his luck. Jiraiya understood why Tsunade refused, while Naruto had won big that day in the end it was all money he could afford to lose while the three conditions on Tsunade were way too steep.
Shizune sighed in relief, her heart was racing just from seeing her sensei consider that offer, "Coward..." Naruto grumbled, annoyed since he'd gone to all that effort to carve the symbol into the shuriken, "Fine, you can pick one of the conditions! Your choice!" he tried again.
"Deal!" Tsunade said suddenly, snatching up the shuriken with a grin. Shizune was taken aback by how quickly the younger blonde had changed the mind of the older woman as Jiraiya sighed in exasperation. With a toss the shuriken went up into the air and came down spinning.
Naruto caught it before it hit the table with a glare at Tsunade, "No chakra strings." he added, surprising the others that he'd actually caught the woman cheating. Tsunade frowned but didn't deny it, taking the shuriken and doing the toss again.
The symbol of Slaanesh faced straight down when the shuriken landed, Tsunade had lost. The Densetsu no Kamo slumped in her seat, having expected as much, "Fine," she grumbled with a groan, "you're a better Hokage candidate than me." she said with a roll of her eyes. Jiraiya snorted, of course she'd pick that one.
"She's lying." Maemi spoke up, startling both of the Sannin and Shizune.
Naruto frowned, "Yeah even I could tell that." he pointed out, "I didn't want you to say it, I wanted you to acknowledge it." he clarified, "Words are cheap unless you mean them." he insisted.
Tsunade was baffled, "You must be joking, I can't just acknowledge you as a good candidate for Hokage because you're lucky." she pointed out.
Naruto shrugged, "Too bad, then I guess you'll have to pick another one." he said with a cheeky grin, it took a moment for Tsunade to realize he'd made a ridiculous wager and then lowered it so she wouldn't notice. Jiraiya realized what had happened too and wondered if that was intentional, because if it was then Naruto was probably the best gambler in the world.
"I am not joining your harem." Tsunade said bluntly, her eye twitching.
"Yeah I didn't think you would." Naruto responded with a smug grin that implied he knew exactly what he'd done. Only he and Maemi knew he'd come to the current circumstances by following his whims as the ideas came to him.
Tsunade stood up suddenly, "We're done here." she said sternly, turning to leave only to feel the sudden killing intent from behind her before she reached the door. For a moment she thought an assassin had shown up but when she turned it was just the purple eyes of the horned genin glaring at her.
"So this makes me one of the debtors you're going to run from then?" Naruto asked dangerously, "I guess you fleeing my very presence is an acknowledgement in itself." he spat.
"You got a lot of guts, for a brat, you want to take this outside?" Tsunade asked, jabbing a thumb outside.
"Gladly." Naruto snarled, getting up and moving to follow.
Translation: Maebure - Harbinger, Japanese doesn't actually have a word for herald but as far as synonyms go I think this works best.