Chapter 15 – Distance

Severus sat in the armchair of his living room area and stared into the flames, a glass of Ogden's firewhisky in his hand. He knew it looked cliché, but he didn't care. He felt miserable and wasn't strong enough to resist the dark thoughts that spread through his mind: he was sure Hermione was going to leave him.

It had been three weeks now since he had last seen her, 11 days since her last letter. She said it was just stress from all the exams she had to write before the Christmas break, but he knew that something was up when she didn't want to stay with him for the weekends anymore. Not even Hermione Granger needed to learn this much that she couldn't find the time to visit her … what was he? 'Boyfriend' sounded too immature, 'lover' too casual, 'partner' too serious. Well, whatever they were, soon she would make an end of it.

A month ago, he had visited her in her dorm on a Saturday, as was their habit. But though she had smiled at him and kissed him, he could see that she was distracted.

"What's wrong?" he finally asked her.

She looked at her writing desk. "It's just that I have so much to do and don't know when to do it."

"I see," he had said and stood up. "I'll leave."

"Oh, please, don't be upset!"

"I'm not," he had told her truthfully. He was disappointed and scared, but not angry with her. It was only natural that she would spend her Saturday otherwise.

A few days later he had gotten a letter from her, telling him that for now they unfortunately couldn't see each other on the weekends because she had an immense workload of studying.

He had replied she should take all the time she needed. His heart had hurt when the owl took off, for he knew that they were estranging themselves which would allow Hermione to see their relationship clearly and realise what a mistake she had made…

He had written to her that he would give her space, but he hadn't endured it. So two weeks later when it seemed unbearable not to see her, he went to her unexpectantly. He wasn't sure where she would be, it was already late, so he tried her dorm room first, but no one answered his knocks. He then went to the library, but it was already closed. Aimlessly he wandered over the campus when he heard her laughter. It had surprised him that he was able to detect it so easily, but he turned around and saw her sitting on a bench, a huge stack of books at one side and a young man at the other. It looked rather romantic in the moonlight.

The young man said something which made Hermione laugh again.

Severus looked at this scene and didn't know if he should feel hurt, but here she was spending her time with someone else than him.

He left before he could cause a scene.

So, there he sat now, one week before Christmas and staring broodingly into the fire. He knew he shouldn't have gone into the bar in the summer, he just should have left. He still would feel miserable but at least that misery was known to him – this heartache wasn't even comparable with what he had with Lily since his first lover had never given him a chance. But with Hermione, he had tasted sweetness and comfortable bliss, and he liked it more than he cared to admit. She was the best thing that had ever happened to him.

The flames in his chimney suddenly turned green and a second later Hermione stepped out of them, a suitcase in her hand.

"Urgh," she said and shook the ash from her clothes. "I'll never get used to magical transportation."

Severus stared at her with an open mouth. "What are you doing here?" he asked astonished and noted that his voice was a bit sluggish.

She looked at him and grinned. "I know I haven't had a lot of time for you these past weeks and I'm sorry. But," she smiled and went towards him, "I've powered through so that I can be with you a whole week longer before Christmas." She looked at him proudly.

He looked up at her, still in bewilderment. "And I thought you wanted to leave me," his intoxicated brain said before he could stop it.

"Oh, Severus!" she cried and sat on his lap, putting her arms around him. "That's not going to happen and if there was something in our relationship that I didn't like I would tell you at once, so that we can work on it, together. Okay?"

"Okay," he said and smiled into her hair. Then he remembered the boy in the moonlight and stiffened. "I saw you," he told her and looked at her. "I saw you sitting with a handsome young man on a bench in the moonlight."

Her forehead wrinkled in thought. "Oh, you probably mean Jonathan. We sometimes study together."

"It didn't look like studying to me."

"Severus, are you jealous?" she asked incredulously.

He avoided her gaze.

"There is no need for jealously," she gently turned his face until he looked at her again. "He's gay. And even if he weren't, no one can hold a candle to you."

Now he felt like a fool. "I'm sorry," he muttered.

"It's okay. And anyway, I should be the one to be jealous after what you told me of this student of yours."

His groaning made her laugh.

She caressed his cheek. "I trust you and you should trust me. There is no one I would rather be with than you. I love you."

He looked at her shocked. "You do?"

"Yes," she smiled and kissed him. "Very much."

He felt overwhelmed but happy and lost himself in their kiss. She truly was the best thing that had ever happened to him.