True to their word the clock on the wall read only 1 second after they'd left for their adventure.
Authors note - this chapter contains mature themes don't read if you don't like
Chapter 16 - Uncomfortable Conversations
The start of the school year was rapidly approaching. This meant the portraits had to have a rather unpleasant conversation with their grandchildren. They knew of the adventure in the painting but since they didn't know of all that they did in the painting, they aired on the side of caution and decided after a lengthy debate to do it anyway.
"Harry, Ginny" Dorea's portrait addressed them "during your private skills instruction you might want to be together for the nature of the discussion to come" Harry looked confused but Ginny knew and paled a little.
So now they sat in front of the portraits waiting for the impending doom in front of them.
"It is time to have the 'talk'" Charlus said and Fleamont chuckled
"It is a Pureblood tradition to always have this talk when a male turns 13 before Hogwarts starts up. And for a female to have the talk at age twelve" Dorea said starting the conversation
"Now is the time your bodies are changing into adults. It is the time you lose the last of your childlike appearance and come into your adult skin Fleamont said
"There are some similarities to the process for both genders like your voice changing and growing hair in other places on your body"
"Harry you might have what are called wet dreams especially with that intoxicating red head in your arms" Charlus said unblinking "it's completely normal you will just find yourself a bit messy and possibly in need of a cold shower"
"A cold shower?" He asked while Ginny tried to stifle her giggles
"A cold shower is a wonderful way to combat the heat and hardness of your cock Harry. It's also recommended for you to touch yourself. It's a good way to quickly come" Charlus Deadpanned
"Okay" he nodded understanding with his cheeks flaming red in embrassement.
"Ginny" Dorea took over with Fee "you will become a woman unfortunately it's much more disgusting for us ladies" she stated causing Fee to laugh "quiet fee" she reprimanded
"Sorry" Fee said between giggles as she tried to control herself "Ginny each month from when it stars you will find yourself bleeding between your legs." Dorea explained completely ignoring Fee
"It's because in order to carry a child a womans womb builds a protective lining to protect both mother and baby from accidental magic and outside forces like bumping into things" Fee explained no longer laughing and looking quite wistful instead with a slight dreamy smile.
"So the bleeding is that lining?"
"Yes in order to make a baby a mans sperm and a woman's egg meet inside the womb? If fertilised the a baby begins to grow and rests in the lining. If not fertilised then the lining sheds that's what the blood is" Dorea explained
"All witches experience it differently just like muggles but we have better ways to cope"
"It can hurt and you might get cramps in that region"
"If it hurts could she take a pain potion?" Harry asked quickly hating the idea of her in pain grimacing at the thought
"Indeed. That's why they are one of the few that have a nice flavour because of how often we take them."
"Okay"
"I remember Fee enjoying heat when she had cramps" Monty said suddenly
"Ahh heat" Fee said dreamily
"There are some books in the library that I suggest you look through and possibly take to Hogwarts when you go back should you have more questions come and ask" Charlus said with a finality in his tone before all the portraits went still. They left the room taking that as a dismissal and headed towards the library to set aside the books that were recommended in order to take them with them when they went back to Hogwarts.
Deciding to take their time looking through the shelves in order to find some more interesting books. Eventually Ginny found the ones they were speaking about while Harry was looking at some fiction. A sudden yelp startled him from his deep concentration and immediately went to Ginny's side. He found her muttering things under her breath.
"Oh that's just wrong… Oh Dear… That's big… Ewww" things like that. Wrapping his arms around her waist he asked what she was looking at
"Oh I found the books they were talking about" she stated gesturing to a nearby table loaded with books. "I also found one with slightly graphic descriptions that's a bit dated and one that your father vandalised" she said with mild amusement passing the book in her hands to him.
Mr.Padfoot wants to remind Mr.Prongs that the witches are looking particularly hot recently. Mr.Moony wants to say wet dreams are weird. Mr.Prongs wants to say damn witches have it rough.
Mr.Padfoot wonders if he could get lucky in a broom cupboard.
Mr.Prongs says no!
Post grad - Mr.Moony wants to say Mr.Padfoot lost his virginity in one.
Harry had to laugh at some of the comments written throughout the book including some of a more shrewd nature involving his mother that he wished he hadn't seen.
Mr.Prongs notes Miss.Lily loved this position highly recommend "faster James that's the spot".
Mr Prongs notes Miss.Lily has quite a shrewd mouth. Mr.Prongs notes Miss.Lily likes chocolate when moody.
Mr.Prongs adds chocolate works as a bribe for sex.
But his favourite part was a draft of a howler at the end of the book
DAMN IT JAMES! IF I FIND HARRY WITH THIS BOOK YOU BETTER PRAY THAT I'M IN A GOOD MOOD. NO MORE SEX FOR YOU EVER. Too bad I'm already 8 months pregnant. AND THE COUCH FOR A WEEK!
Mr.Prongs would like to say that his banishment lasted for 3 hours Miss.Lily was feeling particularly Randy.
Mr.Prongs writes this last note; Sex is great for inducing labour and is now the proud father to prongs jr.
A few tears fell unbidden down his cheeks reading his parents banter. He laughed at some of the comments but felt his cheeks flame when reading the last comment.
"They sound nice" Ginny commented softly hugging him as Harry recollected his breath.
"They do" He said slightly dazed "What's wrong?"
"Everyone knows that I get nightmares and dream about the night they died but I remembered another memory recently."
"Do you want to share?" Ginny asked him. Harry grinned
"I was thinking I'd show you" he said tapping his head.
He was waking up from a nap to his fathers voice singing in another room as he played the guitar. His excitement and joy was bubbling out of him in waves. Then the door to his nursery opened and a woman with dark red hair walked in
"Hello my little munchkin" she said smiling in his direction
"Mama!" He squealed as she lifted him out "I stinky" he grinned proud. Lily sniffed the air
"You do indeed let's fix that shall we?" She more so stated placing him down on the floor. With her back turned Harry managed to free his toys and started playing on the mat forgetting the fact he stunk. Lily had to wrestle with him a bit before finally getting him sorted. "Dada?" He asked clutching a soft toy to him
"Do you want dada Harry" a male voice said as they got to the top of the stairs
"Dada!" He squealed again reaching for James
"I gotcha buddy." He said tickling him
"James you know that makes him pee!" Lily admonished just gotten him cleaned up from a poopy explosion.
"He doesn't care Lills" James said but stoped
"Coocie?" Harry wanted a cookie. He wanted padfoot too
"A fresh batch is in the oven Harry. It'll taste better if you wait" lily said ducking into the kitchen
"Paddy then" Harry said stubbornly
"Padfoot coming later Harry remember." James said digging out the building blocks
"I want paddy!" Harry's lip trembled. That very moment the door to the cottage opened and Sirius walked in the room. Instantly he was transformed into Padfoot and transported to Harry's side. "Paddy" he said softly burrowing into Padfoot along black fur.
James went a bit white but sporting a wide smile seeing Harry's first bit of accidental magic. "LILY!" James bellowed
"What!?!" James pointed to where Padfoot was with Harry "so Siri's here so what?" She asked hotly
"His first magic I'm so proud" James said quickly wiping the tears from his eyes
"I'm confused"
"He summoned padfoot to him" as if to prove the point padfoot tongue lolled out of his mouth.
"He did that?" Lily asked
"Indeed" Lily didn't even try to wipe the tears now leaking out of her eyes instead wrapping Harry in a hug (padfoot too).
"Mama sad?" Harry asked
"Not sad Harry mamas happy" lily told him
"Look paddy!" Harry said no longer concerned about lily being sad
"Indeed Harry" Lily said reluctantly letting him go " but if he drools it's the doghouse!" Lily said with a finality that shut james up.
"You were so cute love" Ginny said when the memory finished
"I was not cute!" He exclaimed indignantly
"I'm sorry but as a baby you totally were" she said bursting into peels of laughter when Harry pouted.