*waves* Hi, it's me. I've tried picking this story up a few times over the last year or so but not to much success. I think part of the reason why I accidentally dropped this all those years ago was because I managed to lose the rest of the (very detailed) outline that I had for this. My writing style had grown and developed so much since I wrote this, and while part of me seriously wants to go back and rewrite most of the earlier chapters, I'm going to try and pick this up as best I can. I can't promise it'll be fully consistent with the original chapters, mainly because five years later I only have a vague recollection of what the rest of the outline was.
I promise, I'm going to try and stick to this. Life is crazy, even crazier than it was when I was originally writing this; but all stories deserve an ending and I'm hoping to give this story the ending it - and all of you who have messaged me over the years about completing this - deserve.
The Ties That Bind
Laura's usual cursive handwriting was turning to chicken-scratch, her mind a lightyear away from the documents in front of her. How the frak was she to focus when her life was falling apart? First came her diagnosis, then the trial, and now the situation with Pandora.
Cotton had promised to keep running tests, to compare Hera's DNA to Pandora's. No one on the ship viewed Hera as a cylon, and Laura would be damned if Pandora was treated as one. She was a child. Her child. Regardless of what her DNA was.
Putting her head in her hands, Laura breathed deeply as she tried to push off the impending migraine that she could feel building in her head. A tell tale sign that she was due her next round of treatment from Cottle. Abandoning her files on the desk, Laura glanced across the room at Pandora where the child was rearranging her box of crayons. "Come on, Pandy" She spoke softly, holding her hand out for the girl to take. Neither of them had seen much of Bill lately; no doubt a consequence of their last argument.
"Will Papa be there?" Pandora asked, her elephant plush tucked under her arm as she walked beside her mother through the hallways towards the medical facilities. Bill never missed an appointment, whether it was for Laura or Pandora; but that was before the sky had fallen in on them and their little bubble. "I'm not sure," Laura said, forcing a smile for the child as she contemplated the idea of going through a round of treatment without Bill there. Usually she would have left Pandora at the daycare, but after the episode with Kara, the child could hardly stand being more than a few feet away from either her or Bill.
The familiar feeling of nausea returned almost as soon as the treatment started. Laura could attest that the cure was worse than the disease. By the time Cottle had finished working with the machine, Pandora had curled herself up next to Laura on the small hospital bed, her head rested in her mother's lap as she started to slowly doze off to sleep, content with the feeling of Laura running her fingers through her soft ringlets. Taking her glasses off, Laura closed her eyes as she tried to stop the room from spinning around her.
It was then that Bill's voice filled the cubicle, announcing his presence.
"Love and Bullets, by Nick Talo" Bill started, reading the title of the book he had traded for the night before. The plastic seat next to the hospital bed was far from comfy, but it would do. Placing his glasses on the bridge of his nose, he watched as both Laura and Pandora's lips turned up in smiles. "Chapter one," He said, turning over the cover of the well-worn book that had by now made its way around most of the fleet.
Laura opened her eyes, fixing her vision on the white surgical lights above their heads. If she tried hard enough, she could imagine they were on a beach somewhere warm, with the sun on her face. "It started like it always did. With a body." Bill read, and Laura silently wondered if he had really picked a crime novel to read with Pandora in the room, but her concerns were quickly dispelled when she heard the child's breathing levelling out, a clear sign she had doze off to sleep. "This one was in the river. I could tell she had once been beautiful," Bill continued, his eyes fixed on the thin parchment in front of him.
"But this bullet and fast current had taken away from her. All we are, all that we think we are. All that we are certain about is taken away from us," Bill read, silently wishing he had read more than the blurb before choosing the book. He was all too familiar with the sense of losing everything, of the existential fear that riddled his soul that what was once certain in his life would leave him.
His ship. His family. His Laura.
Flicking over the page, he continued reading. "When you've worked the streets and seen what I've seen, you become more and more convinced of it every day. Caprica City had been my teacher. My mistress." He read, glancing over at Laura as she breathed deeply, clearly trying to calm the sickness that plagued her from the medication.
"From the moment I open my eyes, she's in my blood like cheap wine. Bitter and sweet, tinged with regret" Bill said, hearing Laura hum softly from her hospital bed. There was much he regretted during their relationship, and most of that lay firmly on his shoulders. Yet, there was no denying that she was in his blood, like there was some unknown being linking her soul to his, as though she carried a piece of his soul around with her. He took in a breath before reading the next passage, "I'll never be free of her, nor do I want to be. For she is what I am. All that is..." He read, turning his attention from the book to Laura as she smiled upwards, "should always be."
A comfortable silence fell between them, with only the gentle snores of the sleeping child filling the air around them. Laura waited a moment before she turned to Bill, "We're going to be okay, right?" She asked, and Bill could have swore he saw a glimmer of tears in her eyes. It was moments like this, stuck in the hospital wing and hooked up to a machine, that they were all forced to face the reality of Laura's illness. "We're going to be more than okay," Bill promised, placing the book down on the bed as he took Laura's hand, content to simply be there for her.
By the time of Lee's press conference, Laura had managed to shake off the post-treatment sickness. Standing between Lee and Tom Zarek at the front of the makeshift briefing room on Colonial One, she kept one eye fixed on the front row, where Pandora sat in a world of her own next to Bill. There was no denying that her stepson was a natural politician, much more so than she had ever been.
"...and so I am honoured to accept this appointment to the Quorum in the hope that I can continue Delegate Cowan's courageous work on behalf of the people of Caprica and the fleet. Thank you," Lee said, concluding his written remarks with a polite round of applause, and the occasional shout of "Yay Lee!" from the child in the front row.
No sooner had the applause died down than the press were on their feet. "Madame President!" They called, and Laura prepared herself for their next round of questions. "By confirming Mr. Adams's nomination, does this mean you have any hard feelings about his role in the Baltar trial?" One reporter asked, and Laura moved around Lee to take her usual place behind the podium.
Had she forgiven Lee? No. Had she moved on? Yes, for Bill's sake.
Lee had humiliated her in front of the entire fleet, brought his cross examining of her to such close quarters that he had managed to out her illness to the fleet in the middle of a court case against the man Laura considered to be public enemy number one.
"Mr. Adama took on a cause he felt was important, and I fully trust he will continue to bring the same passion and clear-mindedness in representing his constituents," Laura said, delivering what could only be described as a politician's response. Steadying herself by placing her hands on either side of the podium, Laura pointed out another member of the press to ask a question.
"What about the Demetrius, the sewage recycling freighter that jumped away three weeks ago?" A blonde journalist asked, her recorder in hand.
Laura knew the question was going to come up eventually, but she wouldn't be the one to answer it. "I will ask Admiral Adama to answer that question," Laura said, turning to look at her husband with a raised eyebrow. "The Demetrius is on a military mission." Bill replied without missing a beat. "What about the rumour that Kara Thrace was put in charge of that mission?" Another reporter called from the back of the room, and Laura suspected this was the last time they would get away with giving the press half-answers about the Demetrius mission.
"I don't comment on rumours" Bill stated firmly, not turning in his seat to look at the reporter behind him. As the room filled with chatter, Laura turned to Tory as she felt the woman grab onto her arm, leaning forward to whisper into her ear. It was a move they had used a dozen times, a clear way of making it look like the President had urgent business to attend to. "I'm going to have to cut this short. I will see you all very soon at the Quorum Q&A. Thank you very much," Laura said from the podium, wasting no time in leaving the room and returning to her office, letting the noise of the press calling out their questions fade into the background.
Pandora was sat on the leather chair at Laura's desk, colouring in the notebook that Lee had bought her when Laura confronted Bill. "I'm surprised it's taken them this long to come after us about the Demetrius," She said, her arms resting on the back of the chair, keeping a watchful eye on the child below her.
"Any luck and it will blow over," Bill said as he paced the floor in front of her desk. He knew it wasn't going to blow over, nothing involving Kara ever did. Even more so after her run in with Laura, which the press had incidentally gotten wind of as well. "It's not going to blow over," Laura insisted, saying what they both were thinking. "I'm going to be covering for you for a long time on this," She added, keeping her voice low as to not give Pandora the impression that they were arguing. The very last thing Laura wanted to do was put Kara Thrace, the woman who had pulled a gun on her and Pandora, in charge of a covert mission. As always, her husband had more faith in the girl than he had sense.
"I wanted to give Kara a chance. I wanted to give myself a chance to believe in her," Bill reasoned, catching how Pandora stopped upon hearing Kara's name. The two hadn't seen each other since the encounter in their private chambers, and Bill worried that the sisterly bond that had once existed between the two would be broken. "Apparently." Laura muttered, pushing herself up off the back of the chair, picking up a file before moving towards one of the window seats.
Sensing that there was no way to reason with her, and that the argument would be picked up another time when little ears were not around, Bill silently saw himself out.
Laura's instincts were never wrong, and the issue of the Demetrius came back up again at the Quorum Q&A.
"I'm afraid I don't control the media, Jacob, as much as you know I'd love to," Laura said as she stood from her seat at the top of the table, knowing if she controlled the press then the stories of the Demetrius and details about her private life would no longer be front page news. "Regarding the reports, the Demetrius mission is a matter of fleet security, and as such I can't and won't discuss it. Period" She concluded, knowing that she was going to give her husband hell when she got home.
She quickly grew tired of the back and forth that started to develop. "I cannot believe that the Demetrius is the only matter that is important to your constituents. Can we please move on? You know my answer to this" Laura insisted, hoping one of the other delegates would use the opportunity to ask her about anything other than Kara Thrace's mission.
Sitting back down, Laura brought her head to her hand as the delegates began to bicker between themselves. Right now, she'd much rather be locked away in her quarters with a cup of tea and a book, not listening to what was increasingly becoming a screaming match.
When Lee stood, she assumed her step-son was doing so to help her out. As often was the case with Lee, she was to be proven wrong. "Madame President, I'm sure we can all understand the important for the need for security, coming from the military it's my experience that we sometimes air too strong on the side of caution. So for the sake of reassuring my colleagues, and hopefully putting this matter to rest, would it not be fair to say that you and Admiral Adama are naturally exploring all possible routes to Earth?" Lee asked, and Laura silently wondered when the man had came to enjoy the sound of his own voice so much. She dealt with enough criticism for her marriage to Bill, the last thing she needed was her step-son being viewed as a mouthpiece.
Standing once more, she forced her lips into a smile that made the apples of her cheeks hurt. "Mr Adama, we are all anxious to receive the benefit of your experience but I really don't feel the need to have a junior delegate appoint himself my spokesman. Let's move on," Laura said, wondering in that moment if this was to be the start of Lee being a thorn in her side.
No sooner had Jacob began to speak, than Lee had stood to his feet once more with a point of order. Once again, the quorum descended into chaos and once again Laura thought she would have gotten more sense out of the children in Pandora's daycare.
"This relates to your Executive Order 112." Lee began, and Laura felt her blood run cold. "112" She repeated, suspecting that if he wasn't her step-son, she would have already thrown him out of the Quorum by now. "Which establishes a system of tribunals. The judges chosen by you. Answerable only to a special Court of Appeals. The judges of which would also be chosen by you. Effectively it creates a justice system that further endangerously concentrates power into the hands of the executive. Mainly into your hands, Madame President" Lee explained, as the members of the press leaned forward in their seats, holding their records outstretched to catch every word the man was saying.
Step-son or not, Laura was contemplating bringing the man to the nearest airlock.
"Far from being independent or impartial, it would actually damage the very idea of justice. Even the illusion of the idea of justice.." Lee continued, until Laura cut him off by standing up and speaking over him. "Thank you, Mr. Adama. Executive Order 112, is actually a work in progress, and the changes proposed are provisional. It's a first step, a tiny step but a first step in a much larger plan actually to create a fair and comprehensive legal system which you of all people can admit we sorely need. Now naturally I was going to bring it to the Quorum to open it up for debate once it was finished, which it isn't but since you bought it up into the public today, I suppose we put it on the docket for the next full session." Laura explained, trying to remember her training as a teacher to keep her voice steady and calm as she looked down her nose at the man.
"Is that satisfactory to you, Mr. Adama?" She asked, and the smug look on Lee's face almost finished her.
"Your son is on his last legs," Laura announced when she arrived in their private quarters, kicking her heels off as she dumped her papers on the desk. "What has Lee done now?" Bill asked, pouring a fresh glass of whisky for her. "Undermined my authority, attempted to question my leadership with 112," Laura began, holding her hand out for the glass, taking a long sip before she closed her eyes, feeling the tension release from her body. "You need to speak to him," She warned, knowing that the rift that was forming between father and son was worsening by the day. Bill had already lost enough people without adding Lee to that list. "I will, I'll handle it," Bill said, though he doubted there was any chance of talking sense into his idealistic son.
Crossing the room, Laura sat herself down on the sofa, having shrugged off her blazer and discarded it to the side. "Hi, Mama," Pandora said, shifting across the sofa to curl up beside her mother, already changed into her pyjamas for bed. "Hey baby," Laura said, wrapping her arm around Pandora as she glanced at the clock, not having realised how late it was. She would've been home an hour ago if it wasn't for the fallout of Lee's bombshell.
Bill refilled his whisky glass before he sat himself down next to the pair, "Cottle should have the next round of results in a few days," He said, keeping his voice steady so as not to concern the child sitting between them. Laura nodded her head as she sighed softly. It seemed they spent more time in the hospital wing than they did in their own quarters.
"Papa, where's Kara?" Pandora asked, her voice full of sleep as she leaned against her mother, playing with her rings on her mother's fingers. "Kara's away on a very important mission," Bill explained, knowing it had only been a matter of time before Pandora asked about the girl. The two had been practically inseparable a few months ago, when Pandora was practically Kara's shadow.
That was before Kara disappeared, before her miraculous return and before she had held Laura at gunpoint.
"Will she be back soon? I miss her" Pandora said, her bottom lip dropping as her eyes glistened over with tears. If Bill could pick up the phone and summon Kara back he would have, but he had to give her a proper chance, he had to believe in her. "She'll be back before you know it," Laura replied, moving the child in her arms to make her more comfortable. There was no denying her relationship with Kara was a complex one, but even a blind man could see how important she was to both Bill and Pandora. Their family never could be a functional one.
The trio sat in silence until Pandora was lulled to sleep by Laura's gentle rocking. "None of this is fair on her," Laura whispered, the emotions that had been bubbling up all day finally getting the better of her. Bill took a swing of his whisky before standing from the sofa. "None of this is fair on anyone," He reminded her, crossing the room to put his glass back with the whisky bottle.
Sometimes he wished they could be back in that pocket of time on New Caprica when everything was okay, when Laura wore her red dress and they lay under the stars. Only this time Pandora would be with them, and Lee as well.
Yet there was no point longing for a life that could never be.
If they wanted that life, they would have to find a way to Earth. They would have to find a way for Laura to beat the same illness that had almost killed her once before.
"Let me take her," Bill said, collecting the sleeping Pandora from Laura's arms and carrying her across the room to her small bunk, tucking the girl in under her covers while Laura changed out of her work clothes and into her nightgown.
By the time Bill joined her in their bed, he could tell that Laura had been crying. "I don't know how we're going to keep it all together," She whispered, curling into Bill's side, watching how her wedding band caught the dull light of the bulkhead. "Let me worry about that," He insisted, wrapping his arms around her waist, noting how the illness was already making the curves of her hips more evident. He made a mental note to see what additional food provisions he could secure for her.
A knock sounded from the door, and Laura groaned. The soldiers outside knew not to disturb them unless it was something serious. "If it's the blooming Demetrius then I'm not dealing with it," Laura muttered, pulling the blanket over her head as she felt the bed as Bill got out. She lay silently, trying to listen to the whispered conversation that was happening at the door. When the door clicked shut, Laura lifted herself up in the bed to look at Bill.
She knew that look all too well.
"Who?" Laura asked, her heart racing in her chest.
"Cally" Bill said, his face twitching as he thought of the young woman who ran up to them on New Caprica to tell them about how she and Tyrol were starting a family. He could hear Laura gasp before she pushed back the covers, slipping out of the bed and into her dressing gown. "How?" She asked, recalling how the last time she had seen the woman was when she had picked Pandora up from daycare the week prior. "Out the airlock" Bill replied, his mind already racing with a hundred questions on how it could have happened.
As Bill busied himself with putting on his uniform, Laura found herself watching Pandora as the child slept peacefully. "Her poor son," Laura whispered, all the while conscious of the fact that the child in front of her could also grow up without her mother. Bill's arms wrapped around her waist, placing a kiss on her cheek, "Go back to sleep, I don't know how long I'll be" He said, suspecting he would have to talk Tyrol down from a ledge once he told the man. "I'll wait up," Laura insisted, knowing that sleep wouldn't come easy to her with all the chaos in her mind.
"Okay," Bill said, knowing there was no point arguing with the woman. "I love you," He added, turning to drop a kiss on her lips as he finished buttoning his jacket. "With all my heart," Laura replied, her hand lingering on his cheek for a moment before she let him go. As the door shut behind him, Laura sat herself down on the end of Pandora's bed, watching her daughter as she slept peacefully in the land of dreams, biting her lip as the tears started to roll down her cheeks.
The Gods were surely cruel beings.