Chapter 2 Scavenging a KARR-Head and Shoulders, Knees and Faceprints
"No way?! Really?!" You laugh so loud that people stop and look at you awkwardly. "No way am I climbing up on that," you point at the steeply angled hood. The brilliantly glossy polish is so slick that it is reflecting the sun in your eyes.
"Do you wish to give up?" The deep and sexy car alarm asked triumphantly. You could swear that it sounded like it was cheering your defeat.
That simple question seemed to solidify your waining determination. Reluctantly, you growl, "You may be smart. You may be beautiful. You may be powerful. And you may have the upper hand. But, I have tennis shoes on."
Face Prints? Really?
You just stand there dumbly wondering if you really want to face print a car. But then, someone in the crowd behind you hollers, "Come On! You can do it!"
Flabbergasted that you have an audience, you pivot on one foot to see who said that. You are shocked to see that you have an audience of over 10 people eagerly awaiting your every move.
You blush and shrink back a little.
The sexy car alarm seemed to recognize your sudden shyness and taunted, "Do you wish to forfeit?"
Laughing despite the situation, you taunt back, "You would like that? Wouldn't you, you Big Brat?"
You draw in a deep breath and tease, "I'm going to grease up your pretty little windshield like a fry pan for bacon."
But first, you remember at the very last second, you must secure your black rubber gloves. There's no way that you're gonna get zapped again. Your skin is still tingling from the last time.
Confidently, you hold both of your rubberized hands up like an impatient surgeon and belly laugh, "Shock me once, shame on you. Shock me twice, shame on me. Shock me three times, I think not."
"Ok, you big beautiful baby," you announce in the loudest coo that you could muster. "Come on and give daddy a big 'ol kiss."
Over dramatically, you plop down both hands on both sides the side view mirror. At the same time, you hum a long loving purr as you press the side of your face into the cold glass. Just as quickly, you yell, "Mwahhh!" when you step back.
Your ever-growing audience is laughing uproariously. You can't help but join them.
"First Stage Face Print Analysis is complete."
No one heard it.
Childlike, you begin skipping around the front end of the long sports car. You are waving and smacking the hood every two hops. It is so over the top, you can't help but laugh the whole time.
Once you got to the other side, you excitedly ask, "Are you ready for another big kiss you Big Lug?"
"Second Stage Face Print Analysis standing by." The deep irritated voice responded sharply.
While relishing in the undivided attention of both the fancy sports car and the rapt audience, you do as before and smack both of your gloved hands down on the protruding side view mirror while announcing, "Pucker Up!"
You press the other side of your face into the cold glass of the windshield. The whole 2 seconds, you are humming softly again like you are cradling a newborn baby.
You gently pet the side view mirror as you peel yourself off. In a whispering purr, you coo, "Such a good widdle beasty."
"Second Stage Face Print Analysis Complete." The deep car alarm voice practically seethed. Yeah, it sound livid. But how can a car alarm sound so angry?
But you don't take too long to think about it. You have Mount Everest to climb.
You back up contemplating all of the crazy angles this beautiful sports car rocked. You had no idea how on God's Green Earth you are going to climb up on this abstract-angled monstrosity. Maybe you can talk the car out of it.
"Hey Mr. Crazy alarm," you call as you tilt your head while considering your options. "Is there a different hoop that I can jump other than climbing all over you like a jungle gym?"
"Do you wish to forfeit?" The sexy car seemed to ask hopefully.
"Never!" You hoot as you find your start point.
"Climb!" The larger crowd starts chanting in unison. "Climb!" "Climb!"
"Standby Timer for the Face Print Analysis program is almost expired." The deep and sexy car alarm voice warned in monotone. "45 Seconds Remaining."
You instantly hopped on the slick hood on your butt. Almost as quickly, you laid down flat on your back. Who cares if you look like a wiggling seal on the beach.
It didn't last for long anyway. With a flip of your knobby knee, you roll over onto your belly. Yeah, you could have planned this better, you think to yourself.
"5," The deep voice began counting down.
Your khakis slip on the slick polish. Wildly, you scramble to catch a good hold.
"4."
You perilously slide down the slick sloping hood while desperately reaching for the top.
"Climb!" "Climb!" "Climb!" The increasing crowd chants louder while laughing and pointing at you.
You are now flailing so wildly that you accidentally kick your feet off of the hood. With your feet firmly on the asphalt, it looks like you're hugging this massive sexy machine right at the pretty yellow accent light.
"3," The ominous voice continues to count down with an ever increasing volume.
You actually whoop when you hear the voice call the number 3. With every ounce of your energy, you dig in harder with your sweat-covered gloves. And, you prop your right foot on the front bumper.
"2."
"Oh crap!" You yell as you literally thrust yourself full blast straight for the windshield. Not even taking a moment to breathe, you wildly kick and swim your way to the top of the hood's edge. Finally, you manage a tentative grip on the thin edge.
The whole crowd is laughing and cheering.
"1," The deep car alarm voice seemed to laugh.
Swear words are now free flowing from your mouth as you dig your toes in hard on the slick hood. And with one last thrust, you breathlessly make it to the top of the deeply sloped hood. You carelessly smash your nose into the pristinely clean windshield.
"Time has expired." The sexy car alarm voice announced at the very same time as your nose touched the cold glass. The not-so-subtle cheer in its voice clear as day.
"No way?!" You pant so hard that your breath is clouding the windshield.
"Stage Three of the Face Print Analysis Protocol has failed." The mystery sports car proudly announced.
"Activating Brain Wave Scan via the Memory Game Program."
"Excuse Me?" You pant while trying to find a comfortable position on the stiff hood. "A brain wave scan?"
"Failure to complete the Face Print Analysis requires a brain wave scan to be completed. This will allow you access to one locking mechanism." The smug car alarm pointed out emotionlessly.
Exhausted, you sigh. You've been at this for over an hour now. You're pretty shocked that none of the competition has arrived yet.
"Memory Game?" You recall offhand. "What kind of memory game?"