Ember united Ladybug and Chat Noir once more after their day of meditation. Both of them described their experiences (although Ladybug conveniently left out the Crane's comments about auras...especially romantic pink and green ones). Ember was satisfied that each seemed ready to focus inward. The next step was charging up their kwamis with the icy power-ups. Their next destination was still covered in ice and snow, with a chill that took their breath away as the portal opened. They had entered onto the terrain of Baffin Island of Nunavut.
There were no man made lights to compete for the attention in the night sky. Spiraling galaxies radiated from above. Each star sparkled, lending its light to the glistening backdrop overhead. Chat Noir noted Ursa Major looking down over them.
The moon reflected light off the the residual spring ice that traced the tundra. It was such a clear night that the only thing that impaired their view of the stars was the occasional white puff of air escaping their mouths in the chill of the night.
Suddenly with his keen cat eyes Chat Noir spotted A white mass of fur came lumbering towards them.
"Ahh...is that a wild kwami or attacking polar bear?" Chat Noir questioned Ember.
"I suppose it could be either," Ember pondered.
"Ember!" Ladybug scolded.
"It happens to be the Arctic Guardian of your next trial," Ember confirmed as the bear pulled up before them in a skid, through the slushy spring snow.
"Welcome Kwami of Wisdom! Greetings chosen weilders," she addressed formally with a shake of her luxurious ivory coat.
Chat Noir and Ladybug bowed with respect.
"So you have completed the first stage of the Trials of Peace, communication. This next challenge is in forgiveness."
"Without forgiveness no one is able to reach inner peace within themselves. Resentment, hatred, revenge, grudges, mistrust, betrayal, guilt...all these things eat away at a person. It anchors them to past wrongs, and corrupts their joy for the future," the bear explained.
"Consider those who have wronged you. Address it within yourself. Then take a deep breath, and breath out all your frustrations, pain, and resentment. When you breath in the fresh air let it renew you."
Chat Noir and Ladybug took a deep breath in. The cold air hit their lungs sharply at first and breathed out in a rushed huff.
"Now try again, but this time focus on a single person or event and let the air release slowly," the polar bear guided.
Again they breathed in and out but slowly
Breath after breath they focused, cleansing themselves
They thought of Akumas.
They thought of Chloe.
They thought of Felix.
They thought of Lila.
Of pressures and injustice.
Betrayal and lies.
"Look up," Ember whispered.
The two weilders gazed upward following the release air from within as it floated upward. They noticed faint glimmers of colors start to move across the sky. Blues, purples, and pinks dancing together in leaps and bounds.
"The Northern Lights," sighed Ladybug in awe.
"Our Arora Borialis seems to be celebrating with you," the polar bear smiled knowingly.
"It is beautiful," Chat Noir sighed.
"It is breath taking isn't it," the Polar bear gazed upward with them.
The Polar bear did not rush them to continue their task. She just watched each weilder with a keen eye while they soaked in the wonder of the arctic sky in all its glory.
"I feel so much lighter than before...it is like the weight of the world has been lifted from my shoulders," Ladybug turned to the bear
Ember ruffled his furry feathers Some would explain this phonomion as additional oxygen surging through you or perhaps the altitude...but it's more than that!
"All the unforgiveness binds up inside of you and truly does weigh your life down," the polar bear nodded. Then she looked Ladybug closely, "There is just one you are holding back though."
"I don't know," Ladybug said considering past memories, "that is all I can think of? Who could I be missing?"
"Have you included yourself?" The polar bear inquired.
"Myself?" Ladybug asked.
"Sometimes this can be the hardest," the bear acknowledged, "but we need to release guilt, shame, or regret within ourselves. What are you holding onto my dear?" the polar bear asked.
Ladybug bit her lip, and knew at once what that moment was. "It was my fault," she said with a trembling voice. "Because of my carelessness Master Fu was captured and had to relinquish the guardianship."
Chat Noir put his hand on her shoulder. "Mi'Lady, like I said before, the important thing is that we saved his life and got back the Miricle Box. Hawkmoth took advantage of our connection to our allies. You can't let the past make you doubt who you are!"
"Kitty, you always know what to say to help get me through!" Ladybug smiled softly at him. Then she looked down determined. She breathed in, remembering each moment of that heart wrenching day. Chat Noirs words echoed in her head, as did the words within Master Fu's last letter to her ("Even if life doesn't give us the gifts that we were hoping for, the real gift is life itself"). Like a serene breeze through the trees she allowed the air to seep through her lips into the wide open sky.
She watched as the cloud of white air disappeared, replaced by the scene of dancing light in relief. A calm washed over her whole being.
The polar bear took a step towards Chat Noir and the ice cracked under her immense weight. Chats eyes widened, but he stood his ground, as the black nose of the bear came an inch from his own. The polar bear sniffed in, and chat's hair shifted forward. The bear leaned back again and regarded Chat Noir with a sympathetic tilt of her head.
"You have been hurt deeply young one," she said softly. "The scars on your heart are still fresh."
Ladybug looked over at Chat Noir concerned, "Chat over the years I know I hurt you when I said I loved someone else, but I want you to know..."
"Ladybug it's not that," Chat Noir said looking over at her with glossy eyes, and plopping himself down on a ice glazed rock. "Yeah of course that has hurt too...but i understand what's its like to love someone so much you can't see a future with anyone else. I can't hold that against you. The pain I haven't been able to let go of was caused by someone else..."Then he shut his eyes and let his chin drop to his chest. Ladybug nearly missed his next words that Chat Noir growled lowly to himself. "It was my father who hurt me."
"Oh Chat!" Ladybug dropped down beside her partner. Ladybug's own emotions were torn up upon hearing that unbeknownst to her Chat had been carrying around this burden of abuse, and she had never known. Flashes of memories ran through her head that started to make sense now. It could explain why Chat Noir never wanted patrols to end to go home. Why he rarely talked about family. Or why he sometimes seemed distant, only to cover it up with humor. Questions flew through her head in defense of her kitty...but she laid them to the side. Instead she just threw her arms around his shoulders and embraced him tightly against her.
Chat stiffened at her touch, but didn't pull away. They just sat there in a silent embrace, until Ladybug rocked back on her heels to look at him. "I know we always kept our identities secret , but I want you to know that I care about you! You can talk to me. So many times you've been there to encourage me!"
Chat nodded. "Thanks LB. it has all been a bit messed up. As Chat Noir I guess I could split apart from the difficult reality of my civilian life. I guess I haven't been ready for the two parts of me to cross over yet."
"And are you ready now?" the great Arctic Guardian asked.
Chat Noir went to answer and then stopped himself...It was painful to watch as if he so badly wanted to say yes and move on, but there was something too painful to get by...the two sides of himself noticeably struggled.
"Chat...it's okay," Ladybug said taking his hand "if you're not ready yet we can wait to finish this together another night."
"But the miraculous trials...you should just go on without me..." Chat Noir's voice faltered. "just because I'm not ready doesn't mean you should have to miss the opportunity to..."
"Kitty," she stopped him "you are more important that the trials. Whatever you've been through...it doesn't seem like something you can just get over. You have to be ready and have time to heal. Even if I didn't know and still don't know exactly what you're going through, I want to walk with you to get through this."
Chat Noir gave Ladybug's hand a squeeze.
"It has happened before that a part of a leg of the trial must be postponed. It doesn't mean you can't move on to try the next one on our journey," Ember assured them.
"I will be waiting for you when you are ready," the polar bear bowed, then she transformed into her kwami form and disappeared amidst the colorful banners of color in the northern night sky.
"And we will come back when you're ready," Ladybug smiled encouragingly at Chat Noir.
"But what is I never am...ready?!" Chat asked in a pained voice.
"It will come gradually," said Ember, looking up at the fading lights above. "One breath at a time."
Not to worry readers! Chat Noir and Ladybug are soon to take on new destinations of Miraculous Trials. (...and spoiler...they will be returning to North America to finish what they started). Ember will be a bit deceptive and divert the pair from the path to a mystery location. Thanks to reader's reviews suggestions future chapters planned include: India, Germany, South Korea, Wales, South Africa, Mexico, Solomon Islands, and USA-New York. Also, a couple readers asked about a reveal...and absolutely there are confessions and a reveal planned for future chapters! I hope you are enjoying the story! It sure makes my day to hear from you:)