the smell of cigarettes wafts through the summer air as he passes by a familiar alley, reminding her of times gone by, and she wills her legs to move faster before her memories get a hold of her once more.

gone is the night where the putrid smell of it lingered on her clothes; the acrid taste remained on her tongue.

it was only one night and yet...

the wind blows along with the smell of smoke and before she can even try to outrun the onslaught of emotions this dark street keeps, she is transported to the last time she saw him— with his soft lips around his vice, and his bitter words that she even saw reflected through his eyes.

"let's go home," she pleaded, her hands slipping away from his sweaty arms. "please, sasuke-kun..."

her hands were roughly pushed away as he stood to his full height, making him tower over her slowly crumbling frame. the midnight sky couldn't even cover the burning gaze of his eyes, amd sakura shivered before looking away.

there was a soft sound of a meowing cat from their right, and at the end of the street from their left comes a group of teenagers singing about goodbyes. sakura didn't see it, but she was certain sasuke had a smirk on his lips even before he spoke to her.

sasuke scoffed first, then his deep voice rattled her insides. "hear that, sakura?" he then paused, allowing the silliness of those strangers' drunk singing voices flood the space between the two of them, and he took a deep inhale from his cigarette.

"they're singing about us..." he whispered to her as he exhaled, his eyes intent on burning a hole through her. "...since you're leaving me and all that..."

he threw what was left of his smoke to the ground and sakura watched as his foot stepped on it. she waited on bated breath on his next move but he just stood there, waiting for her too. she refused to say anything and it prompted sasuke to take a step forward and grab her arms. he shook her; made her look up at his pained face.

her heart cracked a little more... as if it wasn't broken already from before.

"you said you wouldn't leave me..." he quietly accused. she felt his grip trembling over her skin as his eyes roamed around her face. "you promised you'll always stay with me..."

'okay okay! i swear!'

'don't just swear, sak. promise me.'

'fine... i promise..."

'promise what?'

'...i'll be by your side forever... i'll hang out with you for life... i won't leave.'

'even if my family disinherits me and i don't have any money?'

'...most especially then."

her senses could only smell the smoke from his shirt she bought on her trip out of town and from his breath that he was barely keeping in. the familiar scent of it brought tears to her eyes for she knew she would never be enough.

'thank you. see, this is why you're my best friend.'

not enough for him to consider her as more than a friend, at least.

she strengthened her resolve, no matter how much she wanted to stay and be there for him forever, and met his gaze.

"i can only take so much heartbreak, sasuke-kun."

between them, in that tiny blip in time, echoes of confessions from hopeful green eyes reverberated through the silence of the night; the same time they remember his resounding laugh as a response to it, raven hair thrown back because— from his words— it was just too silly.

'you? in love with me? c'mon, sak. we're best friends!'

and now here they were— one holds on for dear life, while the other one finally decides to let go.

sasuke opened his mouth to respond, "w-we can try if that's what you want. i-i can try for you. just sta-"

"stop."

"i'm willing to be with you. i want to see if we can wo-"

"sasuke-kun..."

"i mean, i do love you. i guess i can learn to love you in a different way in ti-"

"are you really just going to break me again?" sakura asked, trying hard not to let her tears fall, and looked at sasuke longingly.

that made his hold on her loosen just a little bit. his hands were cold and shaking as he held her. she didn't even say her heart— she said her. sassuke visibly swallowed as if a lump was suddenly in his throat.

sakura remained his glistening eyes at him, and she swore she could see some tears in his eyes too. but she had to leave— this street, this country, this beautiful boy she's loved her entire life.

it was time to go.

"i only came her because your mother was worried. go home, please. they've been look-"

suddenly there was a soft pair of lips on hers and she couldn't close her eyes. his were covered with lids that she used to poke when he falls asleep on her lap, and now she was feeling his unfairly long lashes touch the apples of her cheeks.

'god, this was all you wanted huh? now you better pick up your pieces once again.'

and the hopeful sakura that was her a month ago who confessed her love wanted to cry from relief; that her first kiss was with someone like sasuke— the only person she's ever been in love with.

but now as her first teardrop fell from her now-closed eyes and tasted the bitter taste of smoke from his mouth, sakura cried from the bitter pill of truth— he may love her, but he's not in love with her.

'just this once...' she begged to the voice of reason inside her. "for the first and last time... just this one night, here in this damn street... then we'll let him go.'

sakura shakes her head from reminiscing. she takes a deep breath. perhaps coming back is the worst idea she could ever have and visiting this old town is her biggest mistake.

especially now that she's stuck below the streetlight that faintly flickers at the mouth of their infamous street, and at the other end stood the only boy she has ever loved looking like a ghost, staring at her.

her throat is parched and her hands are cold. the summer night drenches her skin but her fingers are trembling as she watches him walk slowly towards her. his eyes are wide and incredulous but filled with wonder and elation as if he can't believe what, or who, he is seeing. in return, her eyes drink him in. his lean form from before has filled out now, his shirt barely hugging the expanse of his wide shoulders. his ever-messy hair back then has been collected into a neat tiny bun at the back of his head.

but his eyes, those pretty dark obsidians she's missed the most about him, are still the same— intense and tender at once, awakening every pore in her skin.

'be still,' sakura prayed to her thumping heart, for she knows just one word will annihilate every progress she's made all this time; just one touch and she will be back to the hopeful sakura of days gone by.

once he's close enough to reach, he breathes out her name, unheard by her ears for the last five years.

"welcome home, sakura."

her heart gave a weak stutter in her chest and completely stopped when he gave her his shy smile. then she hears her inner voice— her heart, body, and soul— finally says back to her...

be still. we're home at last.

and with the way his eyes scream i'm sorry please forgive me and her lips desperately want to scream back i've missesd you so much, sakura knows she is indeed home.

a/n: yes i am alive (barely breathing bc of irl stuff) and slowly getting back to writing. i haven't written a single word, touched a single draft, for almost half a year and i am so sorry for being gone to those who kept on reading and rereading my stuff huhu i appreciate u all so much (┬┬﹏┬┬) sorry for this off the wall idea i had while i saw a toji fanart with a cig on his goddamn mouth ahfhfdljhjaf i'm so rusty! ～( TロT)σ am not gonna promise shit but i hope i get back to the hang of things soon so i can finish all my projects and get to writing new stuff (for ss and other fandoms, really) wish me luck. sending u all hugs! ❤