"and the album of the year goes to… first love, sakura!"

if he wasn't careful, just one slip from his perfect façade and he knew it would be all over the news in the next hour. sasuke tried to appear nonchalant; to look like he was bored from the glitz and glamour of these shows that already lost their allure to him years ago.

he was certain the media was already prepared with their lenses and their fingers, ready to snap a photo of his reaction and to write the controversial headline of the night— Sakura's Comeback Revenge: Snatching AOTY with "First Love" from her first love!

i won't let you. anyone of you.

sasuke gathered his courage and silently watched from the monitor as sakura smiled beautifully. he gave his best to keep his face neutral while clapping for her, and desperately ignored the ache in his chest while she slowly made her way to the stage.

this is not about him, he told himself. this is about her. this is her moment. that's why he would do anything in his power to never shift anyone's attention to him. he kept his walls up; guarded his expression like he'd been doing to his feelings for a year now.

her back was open, exposing the smooth expanse of her skin that glistened in the lights, and it took sasuke back to the time when he was waking up every day with her skin against his cheek which always prompted him to trace her tiny freckles into constellations. she ascended the few steps up the stage, took the award with her shaking hands, and approached the microphone with her green eyes shining bright.

sasuke felt his heart squeeze itself. she was genuinely happy. happiness looks great on you.

"wow," sakura breathed out. a tiny laugh was heard and sasuke swore the entire world watching her just melted on their spot. she ran her palm down her red dress, a habit when she's nervous, and started by thanking her family, friends, and fans.

she captivated every single soul in the live audience and sasuke was no exception. he hung onto every word, every hitch on her breath as she tried not to weep, every upturn of her full lips that he missed. he knew he had to be careful or his longing face would be in the front page tomorrow, and yet he didn't care.

it didn't matter anymore, especially now that sakura was finally ending her speech.

she sighed heavily, "lastly, i believe i can speak for all the artist in this room tonight that music was our first love. there's no doubt about that, right?"

there was a buzz of agreement from their fellow artists. he could see in his peripheral several nods and even heard some hollers from the other side, but sasuke didn't agree.

mine would always be you. it has always been you.

once the response died down, sakura gave a small smile. a lonely one at that.

"but sometimes, just like in my case with this album, music just simply lives within an actual first love."

it took all of him to not flinch, but sasuke felt his pulse give a weak beat. her eyes were scanning the crowd now, slowly but surely as if she was afraid to miss anything— or anyone.

their eyes met from across the room, a few feet away from each other, and sasuke could only see her. because how could you not? she looked like a beacon in an endless, perpetual night that was his life for the past year and a half. she was his signal fire for five years before that and only a fool could walk away from it; from her. and that's what he did.

now look where that got you, asshole.

her smile turned watery and her voice dropped in volume. sasuke heard it loud and clear nonetheless. "to me, my first love was singing blues in a summer night while dancing in the living room. it was swimming in a lake during midnight with only a voice guiding you and adrenaline keeping you afloat. it was strums of guitar in the morning when you wake up and feeling— knowing— that you are loved."

memories came crashing down on him. these were all referenced to the songs on her album and it all made sense that she was saying all this but it hurts, it still hurts, it still fucking hurts.

"and perhaps i'm only romanticizing things just so i can write songs and share them with you," sakura added, sniffing as she went along. "but i'm glad i was able to fall in love with music that way. it was a mere job for the first few years in my career, i admit…"

green eyes pierced his heart, body, and soul before she gave her final blow, "…but i just want to say thank you, for giving music a brand new meaning to my life. i am forever thankful."

sasuke didn't hear her goodbye and the loud round of applause for the star of the night. only his thumping heart that was beating weakly by the minute and the echoes of regret in his hollow chest.

maybe he deserved the headline, after all.