Gold Saw Dyed in Lannister Red: Tyrion (289 AC)
Tyrion huffed as he closed the lid on the last trunk of his possessions to be brought with him to King's Landing.
He mentally checked off the various items on his list of effects to bring:
All manner of dress suits, trousers, underclothing, extra shoes and boots to keep up appearances.
Various scents and perfumes to be given to fetching women and to bar the stench of open sewage that the capital's air was infused with.
And books, books, and more books to occupy his mind and time while on the incredibly dull trip there.
All of it was there.
With the packing done, it was time for the easy part: ordering someone else to carry his luggage to the carriage for him. Now, he could have luxuriated in having someone else do all the packing for him, but he didn't want to risk them pulling some trick at his father's behest, so that part he had done himself. But he was far more comfortable with letting other people carry the things he packed.
Perhaps the least perk of the short list of benefits of being a dwarf, Tyrion thought to himself, being the only person he knew who could make dwarf jokes funny.
Tyrion then went to the door of his room to perform the act of enlisting another person to act upon his request and opened it-
"Oh, fortuitous timing, Lord Tyrion."
-to find Black Gold Saw caught in the act of failing to open the door before he did.
"Black Gold Saw, could you find it within yourself to come to the aid of a helpless dwarf?" Tyrion asked.
"I'm afraid you have me at a disadvantage, Lord Tyrion," Black Gold Saw walked past him into his room and seated herself on his bed. "For I know of so very few helpless dwarves, and they are all so very far away."
"Black Gold Saw, if this were any other time, I would love to play word games with you," Tyrion rounded on her. "But, as soon as possible today, I will be leaving for King's Landing where I will while away my days with all the books and whores I could ever want."
"A shame, word games are always so much fun when played with you," Black Gold Saw clasped her hands together. "And you are probably the only person who enjoys playing them."
"True, quite true," Tyrion conceded. "As skilled as Father wields his words, he doesn't enjoy playing with them."
"He often gives the impression that he doesn't enjoy anything," Black Gold Saw unfolded her hands and laid herself out across Tyrion's bed on her side.
"Oh, I disagree," Tyrion walked back to the open doorway.
Tyrion would normally be very aroused at the sight of a very beautiful woman displaying herself so extensively, and on his bed no less. But he knew from the moment he met her that trying to initiate any sort of bedroom activity with Black Gold Saw was a very bad idea, and so he had spent a long time convincing his body that he had no desire for it whatsoever.
"Mmm, I suppose the son would know his father better than his father's Doll," Black Gold Saw watched as Tyrion looked down both sides of the hallway outside his room. "But I still don't see where he shows this enjoyment that you seem familiar with."
"You're almost never around whenever he and I are talking together as father and son," Tyrion returned his attention to her. "So I can't fault you too much for not seeing it."
"I don't need to be to get his opinion of you," Black Gold Saw sat up and folded her hands in her lap. "He calls you an ungrateful, spiteful, whoring little stump whose very existence is a blot on the Lannister family's proud name."
"I doubt those were his exact words," Tyrion noted.
"But they convey his exact feelings for you," Black Gold Saw pointed out.
"And it is right there that you miss the mark on my father," Tyrion countered. "My father may not enjoy having me for a son, but he sure does love having me as a convenient whipping boy for when things go wrong or just for when he's struck by the mood."
"I suppose there may be some merit to your argument," Black Gold Saw said. "I don't see why a man so dedicated to maintaining his family's legacy and reputation would keep someone like you around otherwise."
"Don't sell yourself short, Black Gold Saw," Tyrion chided. "I am sure you understand that way of thinking perfectly."
She tilted her head in curiosity. "You think so? Then how do I understand so?"
"Because it's the same way you were thinking just a few minutes ago," Tyrion exposited, "when you emptied out the hallway outside my bedroom of all the guards and servants, so that you could have me all to yourself one last time for another word game before I left you behind in this gigantic castle to engage with far duller conversationalists."
At that, Black Gold Saw stood up from Tyrion's bed, and flowed her arms out in a showy shrug. "You have me read, my Lord."
"And I have you," Tyrion declared.
Black Gold Saw leaned in with a puzzled look on her face.
Tyrion "I am still a helpless dwarf, in need of someone larger and stronger to carry my trunks for me so that Father, much as he enjoys tormenting me, can enjoy not having me around his castle any longer. And right now, thanks to you shooing away everyone else who would and could help me for the sake of your little game, my only option is you. And Father would be so disappointed if he were to learn that you were the reason for delaying my departure."
Black Gold Saw straightened herself, looking down at him with a strange, blank look, as if she were calculating how to respond to Tyrion's words. Then she turned to Tyrion's trunks, and stacked the smaller ones atop the larger before lifting the whole pile with ease.
"Is this everything you're taking to King's Landing, my Lord?" she asked.
"Yes," Tyrion replied. "That would be everything." He walked to the door and held it open for Black Gold Saw to walk through.
"There is one thought I wanted to share with you before you left, Lord Tyrion," Black Gold Saw said as she paused in the middle of the doorway.
"I should like to hear it," Tyrion granted.
"Unlike your father, I don't hate you," Black Gold Saw shared.
Tyrion nodded. "I always hoped as much."
"And about what you said, with your father and I thinking alike," Black Gold Saw mused. "I believe I know now why he still keeps you around."
"Oh?" Tyrion's curiosity was piqued. "And what might that be?"
Black Gold Saw explains: "If his firstborn, Jaime, is never released from the Kingsguard or gets killed, he will need you to step up."
"Step up?" Tyrion was confused. "To do what?"
"Be Lord of Casterly Rock." Black Gold Saw stepped into the hallway.
And Tyrion, digesting the horrifying thought that Black Gold Saw just put in his head, closed the door to his room.