Crystalline Entity - Alternate Record

by Cpt. Lynx

This is the story of how Darth Imperius, the Emperor of the Eternal Alliance, found himself on Terra. Burdened by the ghosts of his past, will he be able to fulfil his purpose and find happiness, or will the darkness consume him? As a fair warning, this contains dark and mature themes in much greater detail than the other version, so discretion is advised.

4. Day 4-1: Towards Illumia

A/N: Happy New Year everyone! Thank you for tuning in again. By now you know the drill. Also, today marks a special circumstance: this chapter was so long, I had to split it in two. Usually, the chapters cover at least a day, but this day has become so big, I divided it. I hope that won't be a problem, I think I found a good point to part it. And with that said, I hope you enjoy reading today's chapter as much as I enjoyed writing it.

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When the morning arrives, I feel more rested than I've ever been before. The combination of the safe bed, massage, and caring Leanna produced a good night's sleep.
I stretch with a yawn, a happy smile is on my face as I look over to the other bed, finding Leanna suiting up for the day.

"Good morning, Leanna."
I smile at her warmly.

She smiles as she realizes I'm awake.
"Good morning. Did you sleep alright?"

"I don't think 'alright' is a fitting word."
My smile turns more loving.
"This was probably the best sleep I had so far."

"Well, you're welcome then. I'm glad."

I blush and scratch my cheek.
"Soo... uhm... is there... any chance... of... uhm... this..."

I gesture around me.
"...becoming a... a recurring thing...?"

"Middling. Depends on a bunch of things. Like whether Zack starts trusting you, or whether we end up needing to bring others along on our journey at all."

I fiddle with my fingers.
"Because... I would love that... And I think that... I may be ready... to show you... next time..."

She blinks.
"Oh. Well, I'll see what I can do, okay?"

She smiles at me, and once again I am whacked by imagined futures.
I blush brightly and flop back into the bed.
"...o-okay..."

"I do want to make time for something that important, so if we can't easily share a room for some reason, I'm sure we could do something else."

I shake my head.
"I'm rather sure I'll only be comfortable enough in a locked room like this, where's it's only the two of us."

"Alright."
She reaches over and places a hand on my shoulder.
"Anytime you're comfortable, I'm ready, okay?"

I lean into her touch.
"Thank you. Thank you so much..."

I look up at her, my one visible hazel eye glinting with honesty and adoration.
"I love you, Leanna.

She pulls me into a hug.
"I know, and even if I can't really say the same... I'm here for you. Okay?"

I hug her back.
"Okay."

I blush at the contact, and even more so as an idea comes to my mind. I take all my courage together during our hug, and when she pulls back, I place a soft kiss on her cheek.
"I really appreciate that - appreciate you."

Her eyes widen as I do that, and her cheeks redden. She lifts a hand to the place on her cheek.
"Was... was that...?"

I look at her with a shy smile, just as flushed as she is.
"Y-yeah... uhm... sorry, was that- was that... bad?"
My shyness quickly turns to worry.

"No, was that... your first?"

"The first time I kissed someone on the cheek? Yes."
It would also be the first time I kissed someone in general, though.

"It felt so simple... and pure, like I'd been given something extremely valuable..."
She turns even more red.

That, in turn, makes me blush more as well. Now the room is filled with two flustered dorks who seem to try blushing brighter than the other.
She looks into my eyes, and I see something odd in them. If I had to say what I saw, it was that she wasn't in love with me - but she wanted to be.
I blink at that, confused.

"Xerath, you deserve a better first kiss..."

I blink again.
"Huh?"

"A kiss from someone already ready to give back everything they get, who's ready to make your firsts memorable, to make them mean something..."

"Well, from my understanding, it wouldn't be counted as my 'first kiss' until someone kisses me on the lips... right? And besides, I couldn't think of someone better than you even if I'd try."
I gaze at her softly.
"You already bring meaning to everything here, Leanna. Even if you don't share my feelings, even if you don't love me, you already make every moment I spent with you memorable and special. Like the massage I received yesterday."

She takes in a breath.
"Alright. That's fine, but I'm going to make sure that your real first kiss knocks your socks off, okay?"

I blush at the implications, the red hue reaching new records.
"Well, if it's with you, I'm sure it will..."

"No, I mean really. After all you've been through, you deserve the true love's kiss to end all kisses."

I look into her eyes, and I hope she sees how earnest I am.
"And I'm sure that it will be like that, if it's with you."

She smiles at me.
"Either that, or I'm going to set you up with Kory."

My face falls.
"...good luck with that... But don't you dare to die to reach her."

"I know. But I'm sure something can be done. I'm sure of it."

I ball my fists and look away.
"Nothing on my end, at least... ...nothing on our end..."

"Xerath, you said that in the end, people 'become one with the Force', but there are some situations where that doesn't happen. What are those situations?"

"If people have a strong connection with the Force and want to linger in this realm."

"Well, Kory definitely had a reason to linger. The question is the threshold."

I shake my head, sadly.
"As much as it's paining me to say, her connection was weak..."

"Hmm..."

My head droops.
"Please... don't think too hard about it... I tried all things I could think of already..."

"Well, it doesn't matter. One way or another, you WILL be happy."

I turn back to her and smile weakly.
"Thank you. It's a nice thought, at least."

"You've gone without people trying to do nice things for you for too long. Think of it like... I'm trying to pay off the universe's debt to you."

"Which I wouldn't like at all."

"Oh?"

"You are not responsible for the things that happened in my life so far. And neither are you inclined to 'pay off the universe's debt'."

"But then who will? Who will make up for what happened to you?"

My gaze softens.
"If anything, I'd only like it if you want to be kind to me because you want to be kind to me."

"Xerath, you don't understand. I am doing this because it's what I want."

"Your wording makes it sound like you feel forced to be with me."

"Hmmm... When you're hungry, do you want to eat, or are you forced to eat?"

I blink.
"Huh? Uhh... neither?"

She doesn't seem to have expected that response.
"Huh?"

"I don't exactly need to eat, and I don't exactly want to, either. At least, I don't care much about the act of eating food, but eating together with others were always the few peaceful moments I enjoyed most. If only to not stand out too much."

"Alright. Xerath, I want to make you feel better because you're my friend. And hearing how you've hurt hurts me. So... I guess... in order for me to feel better, I need to make you feel better."

I blush once more. I get the feeling I will do that a lot more in the future... and I don't mind it.
"I- I see... well, I think that I can work with that..."

"So... if you want to look at it that way, I'm just as selfish as anyone else."

I nod.
"That works better for me. It just... it just rubs me the wrong way when you make it sound like something else influences you to act the way you do..."

"Are you in love with me because at some point you decided that being in love was a cool idea?"

"No?"

"For the same sorts of reasons, I never decided that helping you was a cool idea. It's something I want to do."

I smile softly.
"Okay. Got it."

"Alright, lazy. Get out of bed. You've run through all your chances to distract me with conversation."

As I am about to reply, there is a yell from next door. Zack's room.
I jump up, my clothing floating around me as I prepare myself telekinetically in record time.

Leanna and I both rush out the door, to find Zack's door is locked. As expected, but it is monumentally unhelpful.
I knock.
"Zack, you alright?"

There are more yells I can't quite make out as someone stomps around the room.

"We need to get in there. Can you open the door?"

I nod at her and the lock clicks open. It is only a primitive locking mechanism, easy to open with telekinesis.
We open the door, revealing Zack wrestling with Cerazu for his dischargers.
"These aren't for you to absorb!"

"POI!"

"Ceru!"

The little blob stops and looks towards me.
"Poi?"

"Don't absorb our friend's weapons. That's bad."

He pouts dramatically, but lets go.
"Poi."

"If you're hungry, I'm sure we can offer you some tasty energy."

"Poi?"

"Isn't that right, Leanna?"

She smiles and picks the little guy up.
"Yeah. Come on, Ceru. We'll get you some nice tasty magic that's all yours."

She tickles his chin, and he chirrups happily.
We close the door behind us and let Zack get ready.
I blush again as Leanna dotes on the adorable blue blob. Once more am I assaulted by the thoughts of possible futures, so that I only passively notice how we head down to the main hall, where we sit down at a table to wait for Zack.
After a moment, I find my voice again.
"Well... that was... something."

"It was, wasn't it. Now, we know not to do that again, right Ceru?"

He nods slowly and sullenly.
"...poi..."

I pat the pango.
"I'm glad you see it that way, too."

He is unhappy, but accepts his pats.

Leanna turns her attention to me.
"So, Xerath. We're only one day from Illumia. Hopefully, we can find some answers there."

"I get the sneaking suspicion we already did..."
I shake my head.
"But it's far too soon to jump to conclusions, even for me."

She raises a curious eyebrow.
"Oh?"

"Well... I'm here for a reason, that much I know. The Force wouldn't drag me across galaxies like this for random. And given that... those vaguely hopeful feelings I felt when I crossed, I think that I'm here to ward off some sort of threat. And... well... I have the suspicion that it has to do with these VOID guys."
I shake my head again.
"But that is fully just my intuition right now, not an educated guess or anything."

"But still: figuring out how to send you home is a priority. Unless that's not what you want, of course."

I smile lovingly at her as I prop my elbow up on the table and let my head rest in my hand.
"I don't know. The prospect of staying here with you is a rather tempting thought."

"Uhh, yeah..."

Then, my face falls as I look away.
"But of course, what I want and what I have to do are always two different things."

"We'll sort things out somehow. I wouldn't want to criticize you for - quote-unquote - 'fleeing your duty'."

I look back at her again.
"...thank you."

She just smiles.
I return her smile and quickly get lost in her eyes. She notices, and is content to remain there for me to get lost in. I stare at her, unable to look away, my gaze filled with pure love, adoration and admiration.

Eventually, Zack arrives, and Leanna stands to greet him. Ceru frowns as he eyes the dischargers, but doesn't make any sudden moves.
"Good morning Zack. Did you sleep well?"

"Aside from the blob, yeah."

As Leanna moves, I blink out of the trance and focus on Zack.
"Good morning. And pardon the intrusion earlier."

I smile.
"We were just worried."

"Makes sense. It was quite loud. Didn't figure either of you for being able to pick locks with magic, though."

I shrug.
"Well, it was either that, or blasting the door away. I figured no one present would want that."

"I suppose. Just didn't think you were one to learn that."

I smirk.
"I've got a rather... broad skillset over the years. With a precise enough control over airflow, it's possible to pick locks like that."

"Air? Aren't you a water mage?"

I raise a brow.
"You too? Why does everyone assume that?"

"The colour of your robes. Are you saying your Academy-issued robes don't match your element?"

"No? Why should they? That seems like a tactical weakness to me. I just like the colour."

"Tactical weakness... why? Your powers announce themselves anyway - any mage will be able to tell exactly what you are from further than people can see."

I blink as I realise that I shouldn't analyse this world based on my own tactical understanding.
"Yeah... right. Anyways, I just like the colours, that's all. White doesn't suit me that well."

"...huh..."

Leanna seems resigned to the problem. She could've admitted to wind-based lockpicking and this culture shock wouldn't have been necessary.
But I don't mind it. It would happen sooner or later. So I send a small wave of reassurance to wash over Leanna, even while I continue to look over Zack.

However, unlike my intention, she stiffens in the face of unexpected magic.
She looks over at me, startled.
"Xerath, did you feel that?"

I look back at her, keeping my expression calming and knowing.
"Feel what?"

"The calmness. I think the Shadow mage might still be here."

I stiffen.
"Oh."

I gaze imploringly at her, hoping that she gets the message.

But apparently not, given how confused she is.
"...what is it?"

I look apologetic. Then, I let her hear my voice, but my lips don't move.
'I'm sorry, Leanna. That was me. I wanted to reassure you.'

She pulls me aside, and we move to a corner of the room.
"What... was that?"

I tilt my head.
"You mean the telepathy?"

"Yes, that! It's creeping me out."

I look at her, worried.
"Oh no, I'm sorry!"

I cast my gaze down.
"I just... I just felt that you were uncomfortable with the situation between me and Zack, and that you felt responsible for it, so I wanted to assure you that it's alright... ... seems that had the opposite effect..."

"Yeah. Xerath... that's mental manipulation. You're enforcing an emotion on me."
She looks very uncomfortable, and more than a little disgusted.
"How... do I know you weren't doing that the whole time?"

I take a step back, mortified. It feels like I just was punched in the gut, yet no punch I received had hurt more, not even when I went up against Rancors.
"L-Leanna... I would never-!"

My breathing increases and I turn my gaze away, unable to look her in the eye.
"I thought... I thought you trusted me..."

I try to keep my expression in check, but my control is slipping. And so my expression twists in hurt and horror, tears well up in my eyes.

"Xerath, I do. But I don't trust... that kind of magic. I told you once that there is very little good you can do with Shadow magic. One of the reasons I believe that is for this reason, Xerath - affecting my mind is distorting my freedom. I'm still willing to trust you, Xerath - because that was very obvious, you weren't trying to do that to me. But... I really don't like it. Don't do it again, to anyone on Terra. Please."

I turn away from her and put an arm over my eyes, unwilling to let her see the tears I dry.
"It... it was just... a small signal..."

"And that's why I'm asking for an apology instead of asking to be wiped from Terra."

"You... you can't trust this power I have... It doesn't belong here... ...I don't belong here..."
I straighten my posture.
"I have to go. Thank you Leanna... for everything... and I'm sorry... for what it may be worth..."

"Xerath, stop."

I tense, but don't move anymore.

"I'm not going to let you destroy yourself for doing something wrong. It's just... you tripped over a few very bad memories of mine, something I'm not comfortable sharing."

I shake my head.
"I didn't plan on destroying myself... I'm still needed. I wanted to go to Illumia."

"That's not true. You were going to walk away, broken again after daring to hope."

I turn to look at her over my shoulder, and I'm sure my expression tells her that she's pretty much right.
"I'm not fit for Terra. And I'm not fit for you. So it'd be best if I'd just find a way away as fast as possible..."

"I've seen how you act around me, and around the topic of your task and past, and I know... you can't take much more than this. If you leave now, it will be among the last nails in the coffin."
Tears glimmer in her eyes.
"Promise to the dead or not, you are going to die if you keep this up. I've seen it, Xerath. The spark of light, that piece of hope, of what you were before the world broke you, again and again. You are worth saving, Xerath, and you need help. Today, that help is mine."

I ball my fists.
"I'm too important to die."

She cups a hand on my cheek.
"You are. But intellectually knowing that people are depending on you doesn't make the situation better. It makes it worse."

I look at her with a blank expression.
"I've seen now that I don't have a place here. What is common to me is terrifying you, and all the others on your world. If all I can continue to be is a guardian to my galaxy, then so be it. There's no place for me here... nor is there a place for my emotions..."

I think she gets the feeling that this blank expression has been worn for way too long, and slips way too easily into place.
Her emotions swirl, as she desperately searches for a way out.
"...there's only so far a person can go on intermittent tastes of hope, only to have the fruit snatched from his grasp. I might not be your last chance, but I'm getting close. I can't let you go, Xerath. That would break me too. To know I contributed to someone's pain to such a degree..."

"I will not die."
That I can promise.

"That's not all I meant."

"And what I feel is irrelevant, anyway. That seems to be the consensus of the universe."

"Then the universe can go fuck itself."
She is growing angry now, angry at reality and the Force for even threatening this.

I blink at her outburst, but my expression remains largely impassive.

"I've heard a lot about the will of the Force and destiny and such from you while you've been here. There's this Terran concept to match it. We call it 'tyranny'. Real power is learning to say that enough is enough. When someone says you need to do something, find your own path. If the universe refuses to let you die, jump off a cliff - or better yet, find a place to live that pisses. It. Off. Enough that it might just go back on its word."

I tilt my head. My voice remains absolutely even - unnervingly so.
"I tried the thing with the cliff already, and the place to live at was obviously a bust as well."

"Being human is about finding the time to spit in the face of the universe. No destiny is unbreakable. We just need to find the right places. What you did here... that can be forgiven. I was afraid, yes, but not as much as I am now."

I blink.
"You... are afraid?"

She pokes me.
"I'm afraid for you. Afraid you're about to walk out on your only chance at being happy for the next fifty years. Afraid of walking around knowing that I failed to help the person who needed it most when they came to me. Afraid of growing old and never seeing you again, but afraid to go looking and find the worst. I'm afraid I'm about to fail at being the person you've made me realize I was always trying to be."

My mask cracks in the form of a twitch of the mouth. I ball my fists.
"If all I can accomplish is making you afraid, then I really have no place here."

"And if you leave, then all my fears will come true. And for me, that's worse."

I grind my teeth.
"So I can't stay, but neither can I leave."

My expression crumbles into helplessness, tears amassing in my eyes. And like yesterday, I project an illusion.
My voice cracks with emotions.
"Then what am I supposed to do?"

She opens her arms, but does not advance. It is my decision. But there really is not much of a choice, is there? I instantly rush into her arms.
I cling to her tightly, and her shoulder quickly starts to dampen. She folds around me. She does not speak yet, though, not sure of what to say.

Eventually, however, a wet voice emerges from my shoulder.
"I... don't know. All I know is that if you leave, we'll both regret it forever."

I squeeze her tightly.
"...then don't send me away... please... Don't abandon me... not you, too..."

"I won't abandon you. There is something in you that's worth saving, and I can't let something like that be crushed by pain and neglect. It's not your powers, or your utility to the galaxy. It's something you haven't used for years. It's bright and beautiful, and I saw it peek its little head out during our first conversations. And I am going to hold onto it with both hands and not let go."
She chokes.
"It's- it's like you said. I don't want you to do this because of a perceived obligation, or some promise you made. I want you to do it because it's something you want to do."

She doesn't explicitly say what 'it' is, but it is clear enough to me.

"For just a little over a day... you loved being alive again. That's what's kept me close to you, and it's what let me forgive you now. It's not that you loved me, and I saw that - you know enough about how I can miss that."
She leans into my ear.
"I saw that being with me made you love being alive. That... that strikes a chord in my heart like nothing else can. And it was so clear that... that I knew very quickly that you hadn't in a long time. I can't let you go back to that, Xerath. I don't care what it takes - I won't let you go back to relying on duty to survive."

She, too, is holding onto me. Hard. Tears trickle down the breastplate.
"...please don't go..."

Her declaration has moved me as well, and I silently cry into her shoulder.
"...I don't want to go... ...but do I really have a place here...?"

"You don't need one."

"...when simple gestures that are common in my world horrify you... and everything about me is contradicting to your world... can I really stay then...?"

"There doesn't need to be a neat and tidy place cut out for you to fit into for you to exist in a world."
Surging Force light casts outwards from the storm in Leanna's heart.
"And there is a place for you, anyway."

I pause and tense in surprise.

"Remember last night, when I told you about how purring confused me?"

I nod weakly.

She pauses, obviously working her way through a fear. Then, a surface thought pokes out of her mind. It is crude, but an obvious invitation to read.
'Like... there... I was surprise... trust you. Should tell first... forgiven... place for you near me.'

I pull back slightly, just enough that I can look into her eyes. My gaze is both filled with admiration and confusion.

She appears momentarily exhausted from the mental effort.
"You... needed... hope... I still don't want you to push and pull on my feelings, but... talk I can do. Talk I can do for you."

That last sentence. 'I can do this for you'. 'For You'. 'FOR YOU'.
I cling to her again and squeeze her tightly.
She has offered me something she wouldn't do for just anyone. Something she feels is sacred.

"...I'm sorry this happened, Xerath. You didn't deserve that."

"...What... exactly?"

"To be thrown into a place where you thought you needed to leave. That was horrible of me. Can you... forgive me?"

"...nothing... to forgive... ...made you... uncomfortable... fault is... mine..."

She pulls me back into her shoulder.
"Oh, Xerath..."
Her hands and body tremble slightly as she tries to make things better.

I continue to hold her tightly.
"...can I... try... something?"

"What do you want to try?"

"...showing you... emotions... that are clearly... mine..."
My voice is still thick with emotions, and I face trouble speaking clearly.

She nods.
"You may."

Similar to before, a strange feeling overcomes her. Something she can quickly identify as being not hers. I send out my emotions to her, and she feels an overwhelming amount of care wrap around her like a blanket. Reassurance washes over her like water. She feels how, despite the situation, despite the hurt, I am still happy to be here with her.
She feels how, even if the entire universe were to turn against me, I'd feel alright if I had her with me. If she had any doubts about how earnest I was in declaring my feelings for her, she doesn't have them anymore.

And I feel how her heart clenches at the sensation.

I let her feel how she has quickly become this god's- no, this man's center of the world. One might even say his entire world.
Yesterday, I told her that 'I'd rather die a thousand deaths than to see her hurt'... I think she realises that was no exaggeration. Not in the slightest.

She smiles softly.
"I knew that was the right choice."

She pulls me deep into the hug.
"What I told you last night was true too. Today, a pebble stops a landslide. Today, you are not going anywhere. Except... well, on the road, to Illumia, with me."

I continue to cling to her.
"... what was... the right choice...?"

"To tell you to stay. You needed to hear that."

"...I did... ...but do you really want me to...?"

"Yes. Absolutely."

"...even when you're afraid of me...?"

"Hasn't anyone ever told you, Xerath? Courage isn't the lack of fear, that's stupidity. Courage is having fear, but doing things in spite of it."

"... I know that..."
My hands clench tighter around her fabric.
"...but still..."

"So I am afraid of some of the things you can do. That isn't a good enough argument for me to push you away. Nowhere near enough."

"...it is not...?"

"No, Xerath. It is not."

I look up at her from my slouching position on her shoulder with a red and puffy eye.
Slowly, a small smile forms on my lips.
"...I'm glad..."

"So am I. I might not have given that... impression earlier, with so many things I'm doing for you being things I have done for others... but you are important to me, Xerath."

I blink, unbelieving.
"...I... I am...?"

"You are, Xerath."
She smiles at me, and I see the worry slowly drain into affection.
"You very much are."

My breathing hitches, and my expression melts into happiness. I again bury my face in her shoulder and squeeze her tightly.
"Leanna...!"

She is content to wrap around me like a blanket, demonstrating to this touch-starved emperor the meaning of warmth.
I cry into her shoulder again. But this time... this time, it is out of happiness.
It takes some time until I find my voice again.
"...Thank you, Leanna. I love you."

"You're welcome. I plan on being worthy of it."

"...You already are. I doubt I'd feel like this otherwise."

She plants a gentle kiss on the top of my head, warmth flowing through my tangled hair and directly into my heart.
"I'm sorry I'm not ready to give you more."

I hold her close.
"But you already give me so much... And for that, I am very thankful."

She holds me for a while.
"You know, we've kept Zack waiting for a little while now. Do you feel alright?"

I take a deep breath, and I look back up at her. My eyes and expression are back to normal.
"I think I'm good to go."

"Alright. Let's hit the road."

I send a small surge of power washing over her, which she feels, but she can't quite see what changes.

"Xerath, what was that?"

"I just got rid of the tearstains."
I scratch my cheek.
"I... wouldn't want anyone to notice..."

"Ah, okay."
She smiles at me one more time, and then we break the hug.

And so, we return to Zack.

"What was that about?"

Leanna smiles.
"We just had to work something out. Turns out I imagined the attack."

"I... see."

"So, shall we get going?"

"Yeah. Let's get breakfast quickly, though. You two took a while over there."

I nod thankfully.
"Breakfast sounds like a splendid idea."

Leanna nods and goes to fail at paying for food again. I smile after her. I hope she never changes.

We sit at a table, and Zack looks over at me.
"So, what happened?"

"A... discussion."
I shift a bit, uncomfortable, but don't want to elaborate on my own. I hope he gets the signal.

Zack stares at me, somewhat suspicious.

I sigh. That's not better.
"I... I made her uncomfortable and wanted to leave. She managed to persuade me to stay."

"Huh. I wonder why."
He shrugs.

I arc a brow.
"Why I made her uncomfortable or why she wanted me to stay?"

"If she was made uncomfortable, why was it on her to get you to stay?"

I shrug.
"I wonder... but when I said that I'd leave in order to not make her uncomfortable any longer, she said she wanted me to stay."

"I see..."

"Yeah... sorry that we kept you waiting."

He shrugs impartially.
"You do what you've got to do. If you took too long I would've just left."

I chuckle lightly.
"Yeah, I can see that."

He shrugs again.

I lean back in my chair, look over to Leanna and smile to myself.

"Okay, seriously, what is going on between you two? You're being really weird about her."

"Well... I love her. Though she doesn't feel the same way."

"Oh?"

I turn my attention back to Zack.
"I hope that last part will change in due time."

"Huh..."

"Yeah. So, if you notice me being weird around her, that's just me being a fool in love."

"I see..."

"By the way, do you have someone special? If I may ask, that is. You don't have to answer if you don't want to... it's just... I'd like to talk more with you than just the few one-word responses you seem to be so fond of giving."

He is silent for a moment, but eventually shakes his head.
"No, I don't."

I tilt my head, and my gaze only holds curiosity, no malice or judgement of any kind.
"What gives? Haven't found the right one yet?"

"...no, not really."

I smile.
"Well, don't worry. Life always has a plan, so I'm sure you'll find someone when you least expect it."

"Don't worry - I've heard that one before."

I smirk.
"Then there's probably something true to it, don't you think?"

"Perhaps."

Leanna then returns, only slightly annoyed that she couldn't pay for breakfast.
I smile at her return.
"Say Leanna, I would've expected your mood to be better as the hero of Raven Pass."

"Yes, I did help them, but now they're not letting me help them more."

"Because they're repaying you your help."
My smile softens.
"Just think about it as accepting their hospitality."

She scowls sarcastically at me.
"Yeah, I know..."

"When you're a guest somewhere, you don't try to pay them for being your host."
My eyes narrow.
"Or do you?"

"General courtesy is to bring wine."

"Ah, I see."
I sigh good-naturedly.
"Still, though. Just take a seat and relax. You've earned it."

She sits. To my eye, her annoyance is only surface level, a slight blemish on a nice day. I nod, satisfied.

Soon, meals arrive, and we dig in.
Just like yesterday, I eat dignified, but am rather fast in doing so.

After the meal, we leave the inn. Even if it's early, some people are already about and preparing for the day. Everyone we meet stops to smile and wave at us from afar, or give us parting words of thanks for dealing with the tax hike. Leanna and I friendly brush them off, insisting that it was nothing, while Zack merely nods in acknowledgement every time.
Due to this pleasurable distraction, it takes some time until we reach the outer edges of Raven Pass.

I have a small smile on my lips, stealing glances at Leanna every now and then.
She returns my smile with her own enrapturing gaze, the light in her heart having calmed to a soft, pulsing love.
And when she catches me looking, I feel my cheeks heating up but am unable to look away from her wonderful eyes.

"Do... do you enjoy being alive again, now?"

I nod.
"I do enjoy being here with you, yes."

She smiles brighter. In return, my smile grows as well.

I glance at her shyly.
"And... do you... feel comfortable with me around again?"

"I do, Xerath."

"Really? There's... nothing about me you feel uncomfortable with? Nothing that makes you distrust me?"

"That's not what I said. I said 'I am comfortable around you'."

I glance down.
"So... you do distrust me?"

"No? Again, Xerath, I have reasons to distrust you or be uncomfortable around you - but I also have reasons not to be."

"So, how does that make you feel?"
I look back at her, a bit confused.

"It makes me feel that I am comfortable around you."

I smile.
"Then I am glad."

"It makes me feel like I trust you. Just because you aren't perfect, doesn't mean you're suddenly irredeemably evil."

I smile warmly at her.
"Thank you."

"Just a reminder - if you feel like you need it, we can do what we did when travelling yesterday."

I blink.
"Well... if you want it..."

I then blush.
"You know I'd never say no to you. But I don't want to impose on you, either..."

"You're not imposing on me, Xerath. I am perfectly alright with doing this."

I smile warmly at her, my blush not fading.
"Alright. If you say so..."

As I did yesterday, I cast an illusion in place and then let both of us levitate. She once more opens her arms and lets me in. I neatly nestle against her, leaning my head on her shoulder and wrapping my arms around her.

"You know... your heart beats really fast, and I can't tell whether it's only like that because of me, or it would beat fast anyways."

"Well, it's both. I have a very, very high blood pressure due to my changed anatomy, which comes from a fast-beating heart. But being with you makes it go even faster."

She blushes.
"Well... hearing it hum is very soothing."

I blink.
"It is?"

"Yes, Xerath. It is."

I sigh in relief.
"It's... still somewhat hard to wrap around the fact that you don't freak out about all the alien things on - and within - me..."

I rub my arm.
"I hope this trend will continue..."

"Why would I? I prefer things to be strange and unique than exactly the same."

"Because that's what happened mostly so far."

She strokes my hair.
"I wish I could prove these things to you without you needing to take a leap of faith."

I lean into her touch.
"It's... I know that you'll most likely accept me, whatever else I'll throw at you that I keep hidden for now. But that doesn't help my doubt and pessimism, sadly."

"I understand, Xerath."

I lean into her some more, and quickly, that purring like sound returns.
"Did I tell you that I love it when you say my name?"

"No, you haven't yet, Xerath. What do you like about that?"

"That you address me by my name - as a person. And you speak it with such warmth and care, too..."

"Perhaps I should try saying it in other ways. There are quite a few ways to say a name, and you might enjoy some of the others as well."

"Huh?"

"Xerath."
She seems to curl around the name, lavishing it with close care and slow warmth of a kind I've never really heard before. It seems almost... sensual.
I shiver positively and my grip around her tightens a bit.

She smiles.
"I have a few other ideas, but I think they should wait for specific scenarios."

"W-well... if you say so..."
I seem to be a bit dazed.

"So you liked that, did you?"

"...uh-uhm... ye-yeah, I did..."
Was that not obvious enough?

"Good."

"...I... uhm... can't really describe it, but... I do like it..."

"It sounds... luscious, doesn't it?"

"...I'd say so."

She smiles brightly at me.

I return the smile, along with dusted cheeks.
"I love you so much, Leanna."

She breathes in slowly, enjoying it.

Then, I smirk curiously.
"Say, may I try that as well?"

"Sure. Why not?"

I smile lovingly at her, and try to reproduce the same kind of pronunciation she did. I breathe her name into her ear, my voice speaking it as if it's the most valuable and most treasured word I ever said.
"Leanna..."

She smiles brighter in response.
"It does sound nice."

"Really? I'm glad."

"I'm happy you can put that kind of emotion into my name."

"'That kind' of emotions?"

"Yes."

I smile at her.
"What kind of emotion?"

"'That' kind. The kind you did."

My smile turns mischievous.
"You mean the kind that your name is the most valuable thing in my life? That I tried to reproduce the same warmth and care you managed to pack into your pronunciation?"

She smiles brightly, her face only growing a bit more red.
"Yes, that."

"Then I'm glad I succeeded."
I nuzzle into her.
"Because you really are the most valuable thing in my life."

That certainly does make her blush.
I smile happily to myself as I continue to hold her close. I feel quite relaxed and at ease like this.

"You know, I think it's a really good thing I offered this, because - like with a lot of things - I seem to be making up for you missing a lot of physical contact."
She looks into my eyes.
"You really do look like this is the best thing in the world to you."

I arc a brow at her.
"Because it is? As I said, I do not lie. And neither am I prone to exaggerate."

She beams.
"You are such a gift, Xerath."

I blush brightly.
"Huh? H-how?"

"Honesty in things like this... they really are beautiful. I don't think you realize that."

"I don't know... I've always been honest like this. I don't know why exactly - because I was a Sith in title, or was it the sound of my voice - but I've more often than not been treated as a liar... So, I don't know how much worth my honesty has, but I stick to it. However... you make it sound like you had your run-ins with dishonesty in... such things? What is the word for it? Flattery? Courting?"

"...I have, yes."
She sighs.
"Hearing your honest opinion is enough for me. That that opinion is... more generous than most of theirs is quite special."

I gently rub her shoulder. She is there for me, so I wish to be there for her as well.
"Do you... want to tell me about it?"

"What's to tell? There are many instances, and they're all the same."

I still get the feeling that she's holding back about something.
So I continue to rub her shoulder and back.
"Something is troubling you. I can hear it in your voice. If you don't want to talk about it, that's fine, but remember that I'll always be there for you, just like you are there for me. And just like you want to help me, I want to help you as well."

She smiles at me.
"Thank you. Another time, maybe."

I gaze up at her, and I'm sure it shows in my eye that I'm not completely satisfied.
"...Alright. I won't pry."

"Thank you, Xerath."

I smile lovingly at her.
"You'll tell me things when you are comfortable. I can wait until then."

"Again, thank you."

"It's nothing. I may not be the most patient man, but you are worth it."

"Ahhheh..."

I look up to her in worry.
"Huh?"

As it turns out, it was an embarrassment noise. Blood rushes through her cheeks.

My expression mellows to a warm smile.
"You told me earlier that I'd be a gift, but you know, so are you."

"..."

How she hasn't yet been made used to compliments despite giving them herself, I cannot tell.
I grow silent, not wanting to overwhelm her further. Instead, I just continue to hold her gently, and I make sure she can feel my care in the embrace.
She remains very warm - emitting heat like a hearth fire. It permeates every last bit of her, radiating into me - demonstrating our closeness.

A few moments pass before I quietly speak up again.
"I promised that I would protect you. I hope you know that I'd never hurt you."

She continues to be warm, but even in her embarrassment, it is an extremely comfortable, loving warmth - like a replacement sun. Scarlet in its colouration, but still perfect for life.

I squeeze her.
"...that's why it hurt when you even had to ask that..."

"...I'm sorry..."

I glance back up at her and smile slightly.
"Apology accepted."

She's still so warm... but she's cooling. Maybe the reason she needs to eat so much is to fuel that embarrassment response? All that heat needs to come from somewhere, after all. Who knows? Either way, I am snuggling up to her.
"...mmm... you're so warm..."

She smiles at my response and attempts to stoke herself with embarrassing memories to keep me like that. It's worth it.

"Say, is that why you eat so much? To burn all that energy in your embarrassment?"

"...I just like eating..."

I blink.
"Huh?"
I peer up at her with curiosity.

"I enjoy eating. And... well, that's why I have a high metabolism..."

I sense that what I have found is both trivial and embarrassing.

"To be a Mage-Knight, you can't really overeat - too much meat on your bones is a bad thing, even if the meat is muscle. Unlike nobility, you can't slack off. But... I found a magical loophole."

"What was it? A fighting style based on litheness, right?"

"Not... quite. One of the first things you learn about magic is that it has a physical component - doing too much will exhaust you physically as well as mentally."

"True."
My eyes light up.
"Ah!"

"It turns out that this is a result of magic partially burning your own chemical energy reserves - the same ones eating and drinking contribute to."

"So, you constantly cast something around you to burn energy? If I had to guess, something about air friction?"

She burns brighter.
"...yes, air friction. I learned a specific type of spellcraft that drew heavily from my body's physical energy reserves to burn fat."

"How ingenious. Especially when one likes eating as you do. And that also explains the constant energy flow I see around you."

"Oh, you saw that? Yeah... everyone knows I cheat."

"Nah, it's not that. It's just that I can see the flow of the Force."
I smile.
"Besides, it's not 'cheating'. You just use the tools you have at your disposal effectively."

She groans quietly.

"And although it is surprising how you can maintain such an incredible figure with your appetite, people with a high metabolism are not too rare. Especially since you live such an active life, you require lots of energy - even more so with using magic."

"But you... liked it?"

I blink.
"Liked what?"

"My temperature."

I nuzzle into her again in response.
"...Mhm. So comfy..."

I sigh dreamily.
"...so warm..."

She smiles softly at me and works hard to continue to blush at such intensities.
"Well, if I work hard enough, it's almost like I'm walking instead of just floating thanks to you without moving a muscle."

"Huh?"
I glance up at her, blinking as if in a slight daze.

"Walking takes energy. So does this."

"You mean blushing like a sun?"

She seems to wrap around me.
"Yes."

I settle down again.
"Then I'm glad I have you to light up my life."

"Aww..."
She wraps tighter and blushes brighter. Being in bed with her would be an experience like this.

That thought makes me flush as well.
"... I wonder..."

"Hmm?"

I falter, unsure if I want to continue that thought.

"What is it?"

I peer up at her, blushing furiously.
"I just wondered... how it would feel... to lie next to you like this... in a bed..."

"Oh."
Her warmth endures, all-encompassing and enrapturing. She does feel good.
"Umm..."

I nestle into her warmth but grow silent, being as flustered as she is.

"...me being warm makes you feel that good?"

"...well, it's you being warm like this, and you being warm like this... Yeah..."

"...yeah..."

I close my eyes and smile in happiness.
"I've never felt this warm before."

"Because you've usually been uncomfortably hot or cold instead?"

"No. Because I never had someone hold me like this. Being close to like this."

She is confused.
"Surely my temperature isn't special enough that your advanced galaxy hasn't managed to figure out people like being at it and replicating it. Or... is the fact that it's me affecting the temperature for you?"

"It's the fact that it's you holding me close like this, I think. It's so comfortable..."

She smiles as I snuggle into her.

I mumble quietly, and she can only hear me because I'm so close to her.
"...never thought being embraced like this would feel soo good..."

"...neither did I..."
She responds, deliberately at the same volume.

I blink, surprised.
"Eh? But I thought you were hugged before?"

"I have. But it's never been like this."

"...or... or are you saying that my embrace feels special to you?"

"Yes, Xerath. It does."

"...Really?"
I glow with warmth as I nuzzle into her even more. A care that only burns for her.
"I'm glad."

"So am I, Xerath. So am I. Like I've said so many times, you deserve the best."

I look up at her with self-doubt.
"Though I still hold my doubts..."

Then, the doubts vanish and my gaze is replaced by loving eyes.
"The same goes for you."

She beams at me.
"And - just checking - are you feeling better after what we did this morning?"

She still worries. I blink.
"Are you worried I might run away from you?"

"Not... too much, but I am worried you aren't feeling quite at your best."

I look up at her again.
"'My best' is a rather vague term, given how much the previous limit had been broken after meeting you."

I sigh.
"I admit, when you accused me of tampering with your emotions for the entire time... that had hurt. I thought I knew pain, but that hurt in a completely different way."

I then smile up at her.
"But... you reassured me. That's enough for me. I am content."

"I'm not. I don't want to hurt anyone, Xerath - not if I can avoid it. You deserve better than content. Tell me. What can I do to help?"

I glance up at her and smile softly.
"I think you know the answer to that."

"...more?"

"Hm?"

"You want more."

"Indeed. But as I told you, I can wait. That you're willing to even give me this much is a blessing. And I am most grateful to you. So, don't force yourself to give me something you are not ready to give. I love you without a doubt, but the same doesn't go for you - I understand that."

She rubs the back of my neck.
"Then enjoy it."

She beckons me back into the depths of her warm, soft, luxurious embrace.
But something about the spot she chose prevents me from enjoying it. I freeze, suddenly shuddering violently.
"L-Leanna...?"

She flinches back.
"What is it?"

"Co-could you remove yo-your hand... from my n-neck, please...?"

She does so immediately.
I sigh in relief and relax visibly.

She pulls me close, staying a fair distance from the offending area.
I nuzzle into her.
"Thank you."

"You're welcome... but... why? Who hurt you there?"
Her hands hover over the rest of me, flowing across as if I might be made of glass.
"You've been hurt elsewhere, but... you've never reacted like that when I touched you..."

"I... I don't know, actually. I'm not sure why exactly, but I noticed that even during the massage, I wasn't comfortable with your hands being near my neck."

"Huh? That seems... odd."

"Yeah, it does. I wanted to search my feelings for the cause, but haven't gotten around it so far. If you might give me a moment, I could remedy that."

"Of course. Take all the time you need."

"Thank you."
I close my eyes and begin to search my feelings, going deep into reflection. Why do I feel uncomfortable with her touching my neck, when I absolutely love her touch otherwise? I follow those feelings of discomfort and... fear? ... to their root. Ah. Should've seen that one coming. It all makes sense now. But how am I going to explain it to her? Can I even? Am I ready to share this with her?

After a few moments, I open my eyes again and speak up.
"It...it wasn't exactly..."

I take a deep breath.
"I didn't get hurt there. It was rather a constant threat of pain."

She waits for me to continue, if I want.
My eyes gaze away, though my head remains firmly on her shoulder.
"My life... has not been a happy one. It... it started badly, and then got worse..."

I smile sadly.
"To say that my childhood has been the happiest time in my life would be true... but doesn't really say much, either..."

She closes her eyes and brings her cheek to mine, hoping proximity will say what words fail to.
I close my eyes and take a deep breath, leaning into her touch.

"Well... do you want to talk about it?"

"Are you... still sure you want to know?"

She nods. A slight, lovely friction plays over my cheek as she does.
"Yes. If it will help you deal with it even a bit, then yes."

I grow silent, contemplating her offer. Every now and then, I mutter silently.
"I don't know..."

Eventually, I sigh heavily.
"Ahh, who cares? Many in my world know this, anyways. It's probably even recorded on the files about me..."

I look up at Leanna.
"Alright, I'll tell you."

She looks me in the eyes, resolving to hold them for as long as it takes.
My gaze softens almost immediately, and I almost begin to get lost in her eyes again, before I can pull myself back together.
"Ahem."

I blink a few times to focus myself, then sigh.
"So, the thing is..."

I pull my head a bit away from her shoulder to properly face her.
"I was born as a slave."
As I say that, I tilt my head to the side, allowing my hair that always obstructs my face to fall away, the constant shadow over half my face lifted. There she sees a very peculiar scar. Just underneath my eye, a stripe of small squares in seemingly random intervals is visible there, reaching from my outer cheek up to the bridge of my nose. It looks like burned skin.

Her eyes widen, and she traces a finger over it. A tear flows from her eye.
I close my eyes at her touch and flinch, but I do not recoil. After a moment, I open my eyes again to peek meekly at her.
Her gaze is of horror and empathy, horror at the thing that was done to me and empathy for my reactions to it.
I then lean into her hand with which she brushes over my scar and continue to gaze into her eyes.

She kisses the opposite side of my forehead, lips brushing across my skin in a brief, gentle touch that tells me so much. She hasn't been put off of me by this knowledge, caring not for the event but very much more for me.

I thought I didn't worry about that, but I realise that in fact, I did, as a lot of tension flows out of me.
I sigh in relief. Then, I lean more into her touch, blushing at her kiss.
It is all over in an instant, but to my fried senses, it felt like an eternity - one that was over in a heartbeat.
I can only mumble weakly at the sensation.
"...love you..."

She smiles at me, though her eyes still tinge with sadness.
"Whenever you're ready, go on, okay?"

I nod and close my eyes for a moment. When I open them, they're clear and focused again.
"Alright."

"I was born on Tatooine - the desert world I mentioned I grew up on. I... was a slave to the Pyke syndicate. They're a criminal organisation infamous for their spice operations... but it could have been worse. You see, the Pykes run their mines and everything like a business. As such, they also viewed their slaves as an investment. As far as slaves go, we were well looked after, had enough to eat, got enough time to rest, and even had some time to ourselves, albeit limited. And it was in one such mine where I grew up on. Work was hard, but never too much. So, I guess I can't complain too much. Besides, I got to grow up with Kory, so that was nice, too. Despite the situation... despite everything, we were alright, because we had each other."
I smile slightly.
"Soo... uhm... that's the gist of it, I think? Or do you want to hear more?"

"I'm waiting to hear if you're ready to tell me more."

I shrug.
"Well, what do you want to hear?"

"I... I don't know..."

"Oh, right. We wondered why I reacted that way when you touched my neck. Well, you see... in my galaxy, there's something known as 'slave collars'. They are metal collars that can be activated to shock the wearer."

Her eyes widen at that.

"It's an insurance for compliance. If you act up, they can shock you. And if you try to flee, they will shock you, too. The shocks can kill, too. So... ever since getting rid of that thing, I... I kept my neck free of things. As you may have noticed, my precious robe also has a high neck guard..."

"Huh..."
She obviously wants to comfort the problem, but can't.

I smile apologetically.
"I'm sorry, but my neck is a rather sensitive area to me because of that."

"...and I'm not sure what to do about it..."

"I don't think there is anything you can do about it. At least not for now."

"Well... the moment you think I can, tell me, okay? I want to help you."

"I assume that will be a long process..."
I smile warmly at her.
"Thank you. That means very much to me."

I then tilt my head.
"Still though, why do you want to go such lengths for me? Already do? I... I don't think you're this close and affectionate to everyone."

Hope lights up in my eyes, which she still can see both of now that my hair is out of the way.
"Could it be... that you begin to return my feelings?"

She blushes.
"I don't know... I think it's early to tell. You've needed support, Xerath - more than a lot of people are willing to ask someone for. So, thank you for your honesty there. Other than that... I really don't know yet."

She looks down.
"I'm really sorry, but... for me, this isn't something that can happen at the drop of a hat."

I gently rub her shoulder.
"It's alright. I didn't think it was something that could happen to me, either."

She takes a breath.
"But until then, I am there for you. Ask and receive."

I smile up at her.
"But only as much as you are willing to give."

"Of course."

I lean back into her warm embrace.
"Because... to be honest... I think I want - and need - everything you are willing to give... Though I can't help but wonder... if you're really ready to accept this broken man..."

"How could I accept someone who was just fine without me in their life?"

I smile weakly.
"Of course you'd be happy by making an impact in someone's life."

"Of everyone I've met, Xerath, I'd feel best knowing the difference I make in your life. As much as it hurts to hear about your life, it only reaffirms that this is where I need to be."

I squeeze her a bit tighter in response.

"You need it, deserve it, and that is all I need. I will be at my happiest with 'a broken man' as you put it - but I don't think you're broken. Broken things are replaced. I think you're damaged. And damaged things deserve to be repaired."

I shake my head softly.
"You can't see it... but I am broken..."

She shakes her head back.
"Broken men aren't ready for more. Broken men stop."

I glance up at her.
"I'm not exactly ready for more, either..."

"More life?"

"More hurt. My mind... is at its limit. But for me, the two are the same anyways."

She smiles softly.
"Like I said - not broken yet. You may be close, but you haven't given up."

"Leanna, you do not understand. My mind literally has been shattered. As it is, I'm hanging on by a thread."
I smile sadly.
"Only my indomitable will allows me to even continue."

"Then that is what you need to be unbroken. I don't know how, but you will be healed. I don't give up on things until they're truly broken, and you are not there yet. If you can talk about loving something, after everything that's happened to you, you are not broken."
Her voice shakes slightly.
"Breaking is when you forget that things even can be better, and don't recognize a chance when you see it. Breaking is when you stop fighting because your life was over years ago. Breaking is when you sit down to cry and don't stand back up. Even if you need someone to take your hand, to pull you up from the spot in the corner, your legs still work. Breaking is when you can't go on, no matter what 'on' leads to. And you aren't there yet."

"I suppose we have different definitions of 'breaking' then. Though I'm glad there is one I don't fit in yet."

"To me, the fact that you can love at all says something, Xerath. I've seen people warped by war before, turned to weeping husks or callous murderers. You aren't either of those. You still have a will to break, and I will shield it with all that can be spared."

"...callous murderer, you say..."
I chuckle weakly, mirthlessly.
"How can you be so certain that I am not one?"

"Pain."

I blink.
"Huh?"

"The fact that you hurt, Xerath. The fact that you could comprehend the idea behind the list of names I keep. You've thought about the people you've killed. You don't like that you did."

"And yet I am also capable of slaughtering my enemies like cattle. Even if I do regret it."

"Regret is not a part of callousness, Xerath."

I squeeze myself tighter to her.
"Maybe not in this part of me, then. But I have many qualities that may seem contradictory."

"People are rarely simple. Sometimes, they can seem like more than one lives inside a single body."

I laugh lightly, but then choke and freeze.
"Wh-what... did you say?"

"Sometimes, different aspects of a person can make it seem like more than one person lives in a single body. I've met one or two people like that, and we know of a few people that really are that."
She nods at my reaction.
"Xerath, that reaction wouldn't have anything to do with what I said, would it?"

I nod slowly.
"My mind... is not only my own... And I'm not saying that because of the ghosts I absorbed, either."

"Oh? Who do you share it with?"

I'd scratch my cheek, if my arms weren't firmly around her.
"It's... kind of difficult to explain..."

"That's alright."

"I think... the aptest description would be... a being born from my darkest emotions I tried to lock away, which has gained sentience over the years. I suppose we are somewhat like brothers? I call him Nox."

I close my eyes. When they open again, they are a crimson red, and not quite mine anymore. Shadows swirl around the two of us.
"Darth Nox, if you'd please."

I am still aware of what's going on, but I'm now watching from the passenger seat, so to speak

Leanna smiles at me- him.
"Pleased to meet you."

He just nods at her with a neutral expression, though he appears to be suppressing a frown.
"I'd say 'likewise', but I won't lie."

There's something to his voice. It sounds similar to mine, but is distinctively different. The same goes for the eyes. Instead of the warm and kind, albeit hurt eyes she is used to, she gazes into two orbs of cold rage.

"I appreciate that. Not everyone needs to like me how Xerath does, and I'd rather you just said you don't like me than just passively not really tolerating me but being 'too polite' to cut out when I talk. It makes me happier."
She shrugs.
"Like with Xerath, we can talk anytime you want. If 'anytime you want' is never, that's okay."

He nods.
"Good to know. Xerath doesn't like me taking control like this, so I usually only ever come out when I absolutely have to. However, do not misunderstand me. I do not like you, but I do appreciate your presence."

"Oh?"

"You are too much of a goody-two-shoes for my taste. Stupid and naive, but that makes you such a perfect fit for Xerath. You care about him and help him, heal him. That I can respect."

"I thank you for your trust."
She glosses over the insults diplomatically.

"I still watch over your actions closely. You almost threw it this morning, but managed to pull it back before I had to intervene."

She smiles at him.
"Thank you. For much of that... I really didn't know what to do."

He snorts.
"Really? I couldn't tell."

"That something was there in case I couldn't find the way... it really makes me feel better."

His eyes narrow.
"'Something'? Hmpf. Well, I suppose I would be more considered a monster by your moral standards."

"Oh, did I misspeak?"
She looks worried.

"I am not a thing. I am me. I am Darth Nox."

She smiles.
"And I am pleased to meet with some measure of your approval, Dark Night."

He blinks.
"...'Dark...Night'?"

"Yes, that's what it means, doesn't it? Daaah-rth Nawx...? I assumed since Common was Basic that Velden corresponds closely to something in your language - but I can't really wrap my tongue around words in Velden."

"No. Darth is the highest title a Sith can reach, and Nox is my name. Any correlation between my name and your languages is coincidental."

"So then what do they mean, Darftwh... Davfs... damnit..."
She looks down.
"Sorry I can't really pronounce your name..."

"A Darth is a Dark Lord of the Sith. Though why do I even bother explaining that to you? Ask Xerath."
He sighs.
"If you can't pronounce my title, you can just call me Nox, I guess..."

"Nawx... Nowx... Nix?"

He glares at her.
"That should be manageable for you, no?"

She blushes.
"It's still weird."

His glare doubles down.
"My name is literally just three letters. And yet you pronounce Xerath's name perfectly."

"It's like stair wrath, though. I can build it out of other things."

Now that she looks into his eyes, she sees exactly what she spoke of earlier - the eyes of a callous murderer.

"I'm sorry..."

His brow twitches.
"En Oh Ex. Nox."

"Nawx."

He sighs deeply.
"Huuuuuhh... Whatever."

Her sound is close, but just a bit off.

"Let me give you one last warning, though. Xerath is fragile. Incredibly so. His mind is only holding together due to our combined effort. Too much more hurt, and not even I will be able to hold him together. So, as a rule of thumb, think carefully before you say something that could hurt him. Even I felt the impact when you questioned him earlier."

"I'll do my best, Naw- uhh, sir. I can't do less."

He nods once.
"Good. Now, I'll give you back your Xerath. He's becoming anxious from seeing you dejected."

"Thank you, for that and your help. I hope you enjoy the rest of your day."

Nox growls and closes his eyes. When he opens them, my hazel orbs are back and the shadows have dissipated. I notice how she feels a weight lifted from her shoulder she didn't even notice before.
"Leanna, are you alright?"

I fret over her with worried eyes.
"He didn't insult you, did he?"

"I just couldn't pronounce his name."

"So I heard. But it's as simple as you can get."

"But it's Velden, and I have trouble with those."

I blink.
"I am perfectly sure that any names of ours have nothing to do with that 'Velden' of yours, whatever that may be."

"Xerath-"
I can just barely hear the sound 'stair wrath' in there.
"-what's the relationship between common and basic?"

"Not sure? So far, it seems like the same language in grammar and speech, but with a different alphabet?"

"Yes. Velden is a language with words like... Dararth in it."

"Huh. Interesting. Also, uhm... maybe that's nitpicking a bit, but now that you mentioned not being able to pronounce Nox's name, I can't help but notice..."

"Notice what?"

I mean, I heard her say that, but I still want to hear it directly from her.
"Do you, by chance, speak my name as... 'stair wrath'...?"

She blushes.
"...yes..."

At her reaction, I blush too. She's just so adorable.
"Huh... uhm... could you... could you... try it with 'sair wath'? I think that would come closer."

"Saiwafh?"

"Or... maybe not..."
I sigh, then look at her helplessly, but in a good-natured way.
"Well, at least you're very cute- err, I mean, your pronunciation is cute! Though that is not to say that you aren't cute, because you are! And, ehm..."

I sigh again, blushing brightly.
"I better shut up now."

She smiles slightly.
"It's okay. I'm the one having trouble pronouncing your name."

"Well, it was to be expected. It's a very rare name, after all."

Her hand moves through my hair.
"Did you... feel alright? Newa- he said that you didn't like it when he takes control..."

I nod slowly, settling back into her embrace.
"I generally don't like it when I'm not in control - has happened too often. Though this time, it was okay. He asked, and I accepted."

"Good. I'm glad."

"I mean, he doesn't lock me away or anything - I can still watch everything happen..."
I mutter the last part.
"...when I'm able to..."

But she still has heard me.
"What do you mean?"

"It... happened before... that my mind just blanked. That I froze, unable to react, and Nox had to take over."

She rubs my forehead and I readily lean into her touch. This time, my hair behaves as it should, and doesn't stay in place to cover my face.
Her smile tells me that she noticed it, too.
"Thank you for trusting me with so much, Xerath."

"I trust you with everything, Leanna. I love you."
I smile at her gently, but with a blinding radiance.

And she beams right back.

I nuzzle into her, enjoying her embrace.
"I'm so glad I got to meet you."

She only blushes, raising the temperature of her embrace.
My hair falls back in place, but whenever she brushes over it, it moves normally. I no longer hide my burn mark from her.

"I... hope you trust me to see the rest of you soon... I think it would be good for you to show someone."

I nod.
"I do. When we have the opportunity."

Then, I blink and blush.
"But hold on... to what... uhm... extend... do you want to see?"

"As far as you are comfortable."
She doesn't understand what I'm getting at - we are talking about scars.

"W-well... uhm... you- uhm, you do realise what you're asking of me... yes?"

"I am asking you to show me what you are comfortable showing me of your scars."

"And I am willing to show you. But do you realise what that entails?"
I'm still blushing very brightly, being just as warm as Leanna, if not more so.

"You taking off more clothes than you did last night?"

"Yeah... You... uhm... you want to see me pretty much naked, then?"

"Ah."
She shrugs.
"Is that a problem?"

"W-well... uhm... it... it wouldn't be f-fair... would it?"

"Huh?"

"That you'd... get to see me... in nothing but my underwear... but I don't..."

"Oh."
She pauses.
"That's right... there is that... IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII'm not really sure that's equivalent... given that there isn't much about my appearance that showing someone would help get off my chest..."

Now she's embarrassed about it.

"'There isn't much'... that indicates that there is something, though..."
I am still blushing furiously, but glance up at her with worry.
"Is there any reason you are conscious of your body?"

"No, nononnonono... nothing you need to be worried about there, Xerath. But if you're not comfortable showing me you don't have to, okay? Don't ever feel forced to do something for me."

I smile slightly.
"Of course."

I snuggle back into her.
"It's just... I do think I'd be ready... to show you... but to undress to such an extent for you..."

"You want to build a relationship on mutual commitment, then, don't you?"

I nod.
"I think so..."

"Well... I might not think much of seeing the bodies of others - because I know what I intend to do with them. Comfort, massage, inspect wounds... it's all very self-explanatory. To show you mine for none of the above is... different, okay?"

"I know... Though even so... my body is something no one has seen since I was granted privacy - meaning since I was a child. Often people have just seen an arm or my hands or something, but nothing more... I...I suppose I could easily show you that much, at least."
I glance into the distance.
"...and hope you don't puke."

"Xerath, I might be disgusted, but it won't be at you, nor your form."

I take a breath.
"Yeah, I know. It's just... it happened before, you know? So I'm just worried..."

"Of course. I understand."

I squeeze her.
"I do know that you won't react too poorly, though. That you'll accept me regardless."

I then look up at her with a warm smile and adoring gaze.
"I have absolute faith in you."

She gazes into my eyes, searching them. Such a decree is one I imagine she's never heard spoken with such conviction, and she looks for any sign it might be wrong.
But of course, she finds not a single shred of doubt or deceit. If anything, as she holds my gaze, it seems to swirl with adoration, admiration, and pure love. I look at her like she is the centre of my life. Which she has become already.

Tears slowly well up in her eyes. Eventually, she can no longer hold my gaze and begins crying into my shoulder.
I immediately worry.
"Huh? Leanna? Is something wrong? Did I- did I do something bad?"

I hold her reassuringly, rubbing her back and shoulder gently.

She sniffles.
"N-not at all. I just... didn't expect that... the way you looked at me... I've never seen anyone look at anything like that before..."

I blink.
"The way... I looked at you? Was it bad? I'm sorry... please don't cry."
I can just continue to fret over her, confused as to what is going on.

"I- I just..."
She looks back up.
"...I don't know if I deserve that kind of look..."

"That kind of... what makes you say that?"

"Well... it took a minute to realize why... I've never seen... that, but its elements I have seen."

I listen intently to her.

"I've seen some in the way some followers of the Velden Star Path look during their prayers. I've seen some of it in the way people look at their lovers or spouses. The pieces of it are scattered throughout the world, but assembled..."
She takes a breath.
"... I knew I was important, I'd heard you call me a love goddess... but you looked just then like you were ready to... like you were..."

She pushes through it.
"... worship me, as though I actually was some goddess and not just a little knight who's a little more nice than most. You looked so happy, too... but I'm not a goddess. I can't ever be. I'm not strong like you are, I don't have that kind of gift. I'm just not that special... ...I don't deserve to be looked at that way..."

Ah. That's where she's wrong, though. I wasn't sure if I should bring it to her attention so far, but I can't stand to see her so down. My faith in her is founded, after all.
"But you are. You deserve everything. You are special. Much more than you currently realise. I believe that you do have a gift, one that is absolutely unique, one I have never seen before."

She blinks, confused.
"Huh?"

"Didn't I tell you before, that you have a universal love inside you that shines like a golden beacon of light and hope? I've... seen it when we first met. You have something inside you. A kind of light that I've never seen before. A kind of power that is completely unknown to you - and me as well.
But even if that would not be the case, you are the most amazing person I have ever seen, ever met. If one of us deserves to be worshipped, it's you, and not me. Leanna. You gave- no, you give meaning to my life. You give me hope, and illuminate the darkness I was trapped in for so long. You make me want to live - make we want to live together with you. You mean everything to me. I love you."

"...I...you..."
She doesn't know how to respond.
"I just...I don't feel like the person you keep describing... I might look nice, I might be kind, I might know how to make people happy... that doesn't make me a goddess..."

Her voice is uncertain.
"...does it?"

"Those traits alone not, no. Perhaps not. But as I said, you have a power sleeping within you. A unique light of encompassing love. If you could be called a goddess when it awakens, I cannot tell."
I look at her with a kind gaze and a soft smile.
"But what I know for certain, is that you make me feel unlike anything I have ever experienced. A single touch of yours can calm me down, a single smile can lift my spirits..."

"I...the thing is...the way you feel about me... I want to live up to the person you see. I'm not a goddess, but if you keep wanting me to be... I might be able to become one. Maybe just for you, maybe for a lot of people... but... you know how much having a single person believe in you can do."

I softly shake my head.
"I know that, and understand how you feel. However, I see you for who you are. I don't need you to be a goddess or anything, that was just an idle thought of me because your touch is that good. So, just be yourself. That is much more than enough."

"Still..."

I reach up a hand to softly brush against her cheek.
"Leanna. I do not expect anything special from you. I see you for who you are. Not how I wish you'd be or anything. So don't feel the need to change on my behalf, alright?"

"...okay. Thank you, Xerath."

I smile warmly.
"You're welcome."

I return my hand from her face to squeeze her as I drop my head back onto her shoulder.
"I just want to see you happy. I love you, after all."

"And if I want to change...?"

"If you want to, I will support you to the best of my abilities. Keyword being if you want to change - not because of me."
Although I don't think there is much she should change, as I already think she is perfect, I still mean every word.

She smiles.
"Okay."

I return her smile, my eyes glinting with affection.
She hugs me into her shoulder, and the slow beating of her heart rings in my ear.
I sigh happily and relax into her touch.
"You are so wonderful..."

She doesn't respond, content to slowly rub my back.

"Mmm..."
I close my eyes and just enjoy our proximity. My voice gets a dreamily sound to it.
"...I love you..."

She turns to me, and smiles slightly, eyes sparkling - though that part might be my imagination.
As I notice, I open my eyes again to look at her as well, a dreamily smile on my lips and my gaze getting lost in her gorgeous eyes.
She is so close to me, her lips so close that even light seems to cross between us immediately at the glacial pace that the world seems to slow to when I gaze into her eyes. The soft sound of her breath, her scent all around, the sparkle in the bright blue jewels she claims are her eyes... all envelop my world, and even more encouraging is that she is content to stay right there and let me enjoy.
My thoughts melt away as she envelops my world. Every sense is occupied by her, with her. And it takes my last two functioning brain cells to keep me from just leaning in to those soft, luscious lips of hers. And, of course, keep the two of us afloat. They have their work cut out for them.
Indeed. That significant part almost slipped my mind as well.
Making it even worse is the fact that she'd most likely be entirely forgiving in the case of either lapse.
In case of stumbling, yes. But in the case of kissing her, I am not sure, after all. I will not kiss her if she does not expressively want it as well. One cannot simply kiss someone without their consent, forgiveness or not.
But even continuing to think about it makes it harder to resist. As the thought of kissing her continues to circle around my head, I gradually flush. Something Leanna will most likely notice.
She does, but does not comment, letting me continue to appreciate whatever it is that is currently running through my head. She'll ask later, I'm sure.
I softly bite my lip, being quite a bit conflicted.

She brushes a hand through my hair.
"Troubles?"

I lean into her touch.
"...a bit..."

I look up at her with this purely loving gaze from before, though my face is furrowed with worry.
"...I... want to... kiss you..."

I tear my gaze away.
"...but it's... too soon... for you..."

Her cheeks tinge.
"I see."

She then smiles.
"I understand."

I blink.
"Huh?"

"The way you were looking at me... I get it."

I blink again.
"... Not sure... if I follow? What do you get?"

"It's okay to feel that way, Xerath. I'm not... too embarrassed..."
Her cheeks are still red.

"Yes. It may be okay to feel that way..."
I look away.
"But this thought... this desire... it's so strong, it's almost overwhelming me... I've never... I've never felt like this before..."

My usually already fast heart rate is accelerating even more, and I'm sure she can feel it, too.

She blinks.
"Not even... with her?"

"It took me long to realise that I love Kory. Even longer to admit it to myself. But when I did, of course I had the occasional thought that I'd want to... to do nice things to her, with her. But that feeling was never as strong as it is now. Only my desire to respect you and your boundaries... is allowing me to refrain right now..."

She hugs me.
"I'm sorry I have to keep you in this position, Xerath. I wish... I wish I was ready to kiss you now, but... I'll just have to promise that the wait will be worth it. Your first kiss will be worth it."

I shake my head gently.
"It's not your fault, Leanna. Not at all. And I know that it will be."

I take a deep breath to calm myself. It is not working very well.
"But perhaps... perhaps I need a bit of time to cool off? Getting my mind away from you..."

"How would you like to do that?"

In the mental state I'm in, her innocent blink takes a bit too long to be innocent, and it takes a moment to process.
I blink at her.
"Huh?"

Then I shake my head again, trying to focus.
"I'm sorry, what did you say?"

"How would you like to take your mind off of me?"

"Ah. Well, by going a bit away. It's... uhm... kind of difficult to fight these emotions when every single of my senses is enraptured by you."

"Alright. I'm ready to walk whenever you put me down."

"Okay..."

I retract from her embrace, even if I wish that I didn't have to.
Then, I carefully set Leanna down and land beside her.
She begins walking with her characteristic grace.

I take a step away from her, but remain close to her for now.
"Though, before I rush away, I wanted to tell you something..."

"Hm?"

"I know you said that we should keep our... uhm... state of emotions to us for now... but, uhm... I... I told Zack."

"Oh? Oh."

"Yeah... He... he noticed that I was acting weird around you, and brought it up, so I had to tell him why that is."

"I understand."

I smile slightly.
"I thought so. I just wanted to tell you, so that you're in the loop as well."

She nods.

I sigh, and feel slightly downtrodden, even as my cheeks still are tinged with red.
"Well, I guess I'll walk up ahead a bit, then..."

"Again, I'm sorry you have to feel this way..."

I shake my head.
"And again, you have nothing to apologise for. I told you before, right? These feelings are my own. You are not responsible for the feelings of others. When I fall this hard in love with someone who doesn't return the feelings, it is on me to deal with it."

"But... I am what or who you are experiencing those feelings for..."

"Yes. That is true. But if you do not return the feelings, there's nothing to be done. You are not responsible for my feelings, as I am not responsible for yours. It is not your fault that I immediately fell in love with you, as it is not my fault that you cannot do the same."
I smile gently at her.
"We can influence the feelings of those around us, but we are not responsible for them. Okay? So, please don't worry too much about this."

"Okay. I'm still not happy about it, though."
She frowns.

I throw down another illusion before I step up to her again.
"Why not, Leanna?"
A faint blush is still on my cheeks, but my face is furrowed with worry.

"...you're happy, but you need to hold back from being truly happy..."

I gently take her hand in both of mine.
"As far as I'm concerned, I am truly happy. I experience all sorts of new things constantly. It is a bit overwhelming, granted, but I am very happy about it. And all of that is because of you."

I lift her hand up and place a soft, gentle kiss on the back of her hand.
"I love you more than anything, Leanna. And as such, I want to see you happy. So please, don't worry too much about it."

She takes a deep breath, before smiling brighter than she ever has to me.
"...Thank you. I'll... keep that in mind."

I blush brightly, avert my gaze and scratch my cheek as I drop her hand.
"Ah. Uhm... yes... that's good... thank you."

"Well, you'd better go calm down, huh."

"Ye- yes... that might be better..."
I return to my place in the illusion before dispelling it again, then walk up a bit ahead.

And then I am alone with my thoughts.
I already miss her warm presence next to me. But after a few deep breaths, I am able to calm down. The powerful desire to kiss her subsides, and I can focus my thoughts properly again. Now that I can do that, I figure that I should do something productive. I go to analyse the energy that had struck me yesterday, a portion of which I had absorbed.
The Shadow magic is... peculiar. This one carries a taste of change, a raw, surging entropy that can consume or protect.
Leanna called the thing that the treasurer was carrying a 'tainted sphere', and that certainly seems to be the case. The energy is like another element was... overwritten by Shadow, holding more energy at the cost of being far more chaotic.
I contemplate these new findings.
"...fascinating..."

But I still lack much information to really make sense of anything.

Additionally, some of the character of the initial element seems to bleed through, resulting in this sample adopting some of the properties of fire - though that may just be in the nature of shadow. I haven't seen what the pure element is like yet, after all.
What I can say for certain is that it isn't wrong to call Shadow magic the magic of 'ephemera'. This type of magic is definitely associated with a number of phenomena that are on the periphery of both Terran and Galactic understanding, and though whether it and its related Force energies cause those phenomena or whether they are merely adjacent to them is... still frustratingly vague despite all research I have done, one notable thing about Terran magic is that the rules it follows are much... cleaner than the Force.
The Force has a will. That much is obvious to anyone who wields the Force. Whether that will is to be followed, dominated, bargained with, or otherwise is up to the philosophy of the Force user, to differing degrees of success, but that the Force has a will is something I accepted as an unchanging fact regardless of circumstance.
Magic has a will, but I had to search for it, look deep for what I knew I should've found immediately. Its will is expressed only in the form of rules that cannot be broken, laws that do not bend for anyone. Even for someone like Tenebrae - to break the laws of this type of energy is to change it into something so unlike itself that you may as well have destroyed it.
This specific type of Shadow magic has a tangible list of things that it can do, and while near-infinite creativity is possible within those bounds, there are a number of things it simply cannot influence directly. While I'd need weeks and a large amount of samples to fully collate the potential of this type of energy, I know that much from a cursory analysis.
Leanna was right. This feels... more like science than the Force, almost.
"...truly fascinating..."

I smile. At least I now have a goal beyond courting Leanna. I can work with that.
Mechanically, this energy seems to be divided into two components: the Living Force, or 'Inherent Magic' as Leanna put it, that is a part of the mage. This allows the mage to interface with a crystal sphere, containing a sample of specialized Unifying Force energy. The crystal's energy is then used to effect an elemental change on the environment of the mage.
The clinical outlook of Terrans towards magic, therefore, can be traced back somewhat to the clinical nature of their power, and how subtle a role the Living Force plays within magic.
"...most curious... What goal does the Force follow here...?"

Even Shadow magic, the power of ephemera, the unexplained, and most likely to be a dark, emotional power I am familiar with, is 'tainted' with only the barest brush of the Living Force that allows its careful spellcrafts to effect stranger changes - and even those could be the Unifying Force if one looks at it from the right direction.

Or- no, that can't be right. Shadow magic appears to bear traces of the Living Force, but the way they are organized, into large pools of magic that have a seemingly minor role... it doesn't make sense unless they used to play a larger role in Shadow magic, but don't any longer. But that doesn't make any sense.

Why would the Force change?

I cup my chin in my thinking pose, deep in thought.
"...absolutely mysterious..."

My expression settles into a small, serious frown.
"...what happened on this world?"

That the pools remain... their shape... it couldn't have been a single event, either. This shift would've needed to have happened over time.

I am aware that the wind carries my voice over to Leanna, but she respects my decision to be alone for a moment, so I don't pay it much mind.

"...The history of this land must be interwoven with the history of the Force here... But what could have brought the Force to change, of all things? Especially to something like this? It is an enigma. One that will remain - for now."
I smirk.
"I will get to the bottom of this."

There's one more trick I can decipher from what I have seen and heard thus far.
Magic attracts magic, and when enough magic builds up in a place it will begin to grow crystals and affect the environment. If - hypothetically - Terra grew into a spacefaring civilization, they would no doubt find that their home system is the only place crystals grow, unless I am very wrong and this is an alternate universe.
However, that they bring crystals from home and use them... that could be enough to start up the planetary dynamo effect I have observed on Terra with time.
It would take millennia for a planet to match Terra in these terms... but unlike many sacred or special places in the Force, this people and methodology seem... designed to spread, almost.
Where the Jedi are stagnant, the Sith murderous, the Voss and so many others self-satisfied... Terra is a realm of explorers, and their version of the Force will travel with them to the stars.

I turn my gaze towards the sky, where the unique planets of this system lie. My eyes narrow in suspicion. I still do not know what to think of their view on the Force... but if it's the will of the Force to grow this society and easily nurture it into a mature society... I suppose I do have to help them out.

And - notably - it won't be some distant sorcery to the children of Terra. The Force won't be an arbitrary gift or curse granted at random - though mages will remain. Mages and magic and the devices they create and enhance will be everywhere. Despite lacking that personal, living element, the Force here has the potential to be closer to the common man than almost anywhere else.
Where to a citizen of my galaxy, the Force is synonymous with warrior monks wielding swords of light, dramatic battles between good and evil, and all that... magic here isn't about that. Sure, sometimes it invests itself in great individuals, but that isn't how it is perceived. It is in dischargers, the weapons which are quickly making their way into the mainstream. It is in industry, as mages stoke the fires of great forges. And as this society grows and flourishes, it will only find more use for the gift that is magic, and those gifts will present themselves to society - not to the mages who had most already, but to the people born without gifts.

The smugglers of my galaxy who had disdain for the Force would bear with trust the magic weapon that got them out of a dozen scrapes, the crystalline drives that let their plucky vessels outrun patrols. The humble farmers would smile at the daylight-spectrum gemstones that lit the racks of hydroponics in their colony on the dark side of a hostile moon. Engineers would design ships that called for materials that are utterly outlandish to those without alchemy, because alchemy would just be another process in designing a ship.

Perhaps Terra would never produce a person as mighty as myself, but here the Force is intent on touching every life, at least a little bit.
Rather than a few lives a lot.

"... ...why...? Why is the Force seemingly acting against its own will here? Have I perhaps not only travelled to a different galaxy, but a different reality altogether? ...That... will definitely require further investigation... I should meditate on this issue when I get the time. Perhaps the Force can tell me what is going on here... For now, though..."
I glance back at Leanna.

She has been speaking with Zack, leaving me to calm myself.
In that case, I don't want to impose on them and continue to walk ahead.
Though I notice that I don't immediately devolve into a blushing mess again when looking at her, so I conclude that I have calmed down sufficiently.

But with her unavailable, what do I do?
I just let my thoughts drift idly, taking in the beautiful scenery. As a result, my gait slows a bit, and I fall back into the relative position Leanna and me were in earlier.
And now that I look, that's what the Living Force is doing here. Separated from the local uses of magic, it is only passively bolstering all life. It makes sense - this is probably the only place I would describe as a fully natural Garden world. Not a continental world, or resort world, a Garden world.

My expression softens as I just look around. Taking up residence here maybe wouldn't be such a bad idea.
Then, it sours again. Only if the locals can accept me and my powers, that is.

I shake my head and banish those thoughts. For now, I just take in the scenery, thinking about everything and nothing in particular.
I had forgotten how relaxing that can be. Nothing important on the agenda, not expecting an ambush, assassin, or artillery strike to income in the next moment...
It's just me, the breeze, and the faraway sound of a voice I can't get enough of.

Eventually, though, which happens far too soon, I grow restless and fall back into step with Zack and Leanna. It also doesn't help that I'm quite curious what Leanna could be talking to Zack for so long about.
"Uhm, hey, guys. Do you mind if I join you two?"

Leanna smiles.
"No problem. Is that alright, Zack?"

"Sure. So yeah, I have been interested in those. I'd be interested to see how a Mage-Knight incorporates it into their fighting style."

She seems to have drawn him in by discussing weapons.

I arc a brow, curious and interested.
"May I ask what exactly you're talking about?"

"She asked me for my opinion on what her next weapon should be. Wasn't expecting her to be leaning towards flashammers, but it does make sense. They fill a gap in her arsenal."

"Zack's been quite helpful. It seems like he's had to deal with a large variety of weapons in the past."

"Flashhammers were those handcannon things you told me about, right?"

"Yes."

I nod.
"I see. I concur with Zack's point of view. Neither was I expecting that choice of yours, but it does indeed make sense. Also, I would have assumed that he had to deal with all sorts of weapons before as well."

He simply nods.
"What's your experience with them, then? Warriors rarely form such opinions without seeing a weapon in action - unless they're bad warriors."

"It's not something I would use myself at this point, as I have no need for them. But for Leanna, I would perhaps recommend a bow or a discharger, rather, though it is ultimately her decision."

"I can't really see her using a bow from what I've seen of her fighting style."

"Yeah... it would require her too long to stand in one place."

"From what she has told me, Leanna wants something that can be integrated into what she already does. Bows provide decent range, but require two hands."

"Though personally, I can't see her using a ranged weapon, either, based on her fighting style."
I nod.
"Yes, that does make sense."

"So she's looking for something that both provides good ranged support and is functional in melee. In that sense, dischargers and flashammers both fill a different role."

"Oh? How so?"

"Dischargers allow you to blast away to your heart's content, while Flashammers need to be reloaded every shot."

I blink.
"Ah. Right."
Inefficient slugthrowers, right.

"However, against heavily armoured or magically defended targets, nothing really equals a flashammer."

"As long as you make sure you don't miss, sure."
I shrug.
"Well, from my point of view, ranged weapons are more or less useless for a mage, but that seems to be more of a thing with my society."

He raises an eyebrow.
"Why is that?"

"Why would I need a gun, when my magic is more potent than a gun?"

"That doesn't make sense. The most powerful effects one tends to see from magic is in supporting something simple. Lightning bolts are flashy, but hideously inefficient when compared to what a mage needs to do to make one. You get better results if a mage guides and empowers a lightning bolt that was already going to happen. Same goes for weapons. Some powerful mages can create swords and such with magic, but it's generally better if they don't."

"Right. That's how it is here..."

"'Here'?"

"Yeah. Here. It is... a bit different where I'm from."

"Really."

"There, mages and mage-knights tend to frown upon dischargers and the likes, sticking to melee weapons like swords and... the occasional spear, I suppose. Their magic makes up for their weapons shortcomings."

"Sounds like they get massacred."

"On the contrary."

"Really? Just get a few dischargers on them. Shot fast enough and they can't deflect it all. Mages exhaust their bodies faster than dischargers exhaust their crystals."

"Yes, that tends to be the only way to take them down. Sheer overwhelming firepower."

"Which is easy, may I remind you."

"Heh. Not quite."

"Overwhelming firepower isn't hard, at least in Esaria."

"Yes. That may be true. But it is quite the different matter to have enough firepower to overwhelm a mage from where I am from."

"Or just have a flashammer. Those things tend to hit even through magical protection. But that would mean your dischargers are better, too, surely. Magic is magic, and more powerful mages mean more powerful magical items."

"Why would our mages, who frown on dischargers, provide the common people with tools as powerful as they are?"

He frowns immediately at that.
"Sounds to me like your mages are elitist snobs if that's how they go about this."

I nod.
"I cannot deny that."

"A single mage can have one impact in one place at one time. If they make tools, similar impacts can happen in multiple locations."

"Although, I perhaps should note that most of our tools and weapons do not, in fact, incorporate magic."

He blinks.
"I'm sorry, what?"

"We have a... somewhat different relation with magic."

"What kind of relationship? Because what I'm seeing is a group of domineering mages hoarding magic to themselves, just like the fucking Empire did."

I blink.
"Huh? What Empire?"

Is he talking about the Sith? Were they here before, after all?

Zack turns to Leanna.
"Are you sure it's a good idea to give this guy a VIP tour of our continent?"

She nods.
"Yes. His being here... cannot be related to scouting. I'm as certain as I can be."

He pauses, then lets out a breath.
"Alright. Good."

He turns back to me.
"And what are your thoughts on this issue?"

A look of hurt flashes over my face as Zack addresses Leanna, followed by a sigh of relief when she speaks up for me.
As he turns back to me, I blink.
"My opinion on...what, exactly?"

"The use of magic here in relation to... the place you come from?"
His question is guarded, but I sense that Zack might be planning an assault on the greater galaxy.

"It is certainly different. Your magic is much more suited towards your usage than it is towards mine. But on the other hand, the magic I am used to would be poorly suited for your uses."

He arcs an inquisitive brow.
"Really. How so."

"The magic I'm used to... behaves quite different from the one here."
I shift a bit uncomfortably as I say that.

"I... see. Why."

"Now isn't that the question? I do not know. So far, I only managed to learn that it does behave differently. But as to why, that is a complete unknown."

"Sounds like a job for mages, and for weapons. I do not like what I've heard about your home, Xerath. Mages are not above others."

I smile sadly and mutter.
"I don't like it much, either..."

I then clear my throat.
"Ahem. Neither do I think so. But in my... society, that is the norm. Mages have powers that others don't have."

"That's true enough. They trained for them, after all. But it isn't theirs to selfishly keep. Mages are best utilized as the conduit through which a kingdom accesses magic, not as a way for mages to abuse it."

I stare into the distance.
"Yes, that would be ideal..."

I focus back on Zack.
"But reality is often disappointing."

"It is, yes. Like learning about a location that still believes in the archaic ideas championed by the likes of the Primarch of Shadows."

I blink.
"The who now?"

"Leader of VOID, wanted to conquer the kingdoms and ensure the dominance of Shadow magic. Killed by the 'normals' he despised using magic weapons."

I nod in understanding.
"Ah, I see. Though to be fair, our magic has guided us towards that path. You wield a different kind of magic that has guided you towards a different path."

"That doesn't make what you're doing okay."

"No, it doesn't. Many things my society does are not okay."

"I see."

I look into the distance again.
"Yeah..."

Then, I notice something.
"Are you okay, Leanna? You've been rather quiet over there."

She has the look in her eyes that she has when she's contemplating distant suffering.
My expression softens.
"Hey, it's going to be alright, okay?"

"How do you stand it? You live there, among so many people who the world supports in their quest to be total losers."

I wince.
"As you may recall, I don't really."

She puts a hand on my shoulder.
"I'm sure it will be alright eventually. You just need to try a few things no one has tried yet."

"Indeed. That's what I do best, anyways."

She smiles at me, and Zack shrugs.

I throw my head in my neck and gaze into the sky.
"But still, I can't help but wonder why your natural order is so drastically different from the one I'm used to."

"So do we, Xerath. I would love to learn the ways your magic works so I can help you change your home."

I look at her uncertain.
"But is it - at least that part - really needed to be changed?"

"At the very least... keeping power in the hands of a few tends to not work out for long. Ever."

I shrug.
"Based on my experience, it works better than the other way around."

Zack frowns.

"But then again, we come from completely different backgrounds. And I wouldn't exactly say that anything in my society has really 'worked out' so far... At the very least, 'stable' is something else..."

He speaks.
"What exactly happened that put you off distribution of power?"

"Well, in the literal sense... the fact that the magic itself chooses those that can wield it."

"That sounds dumb."

"It is the way it is. Magic cannot be wielded by anyone who tries. Only a small part of people can use those powers. At least, the magic I've known so far."

"Your magic is that different from ours?"

"Yes. From what I gathered so far, quite much so."

"...magic itself being terrible. Got it."

I chuckle.
"Yeah, one could say so, I suppose. Though some in my society would have you killed for heresy if they'd hear you say that."

"They can try if they like."

"I do not doubt your abilities as a fighter - the fact you held your own back in Raven Pass is a testament to your mettle - but as our magic is different, so are our mages. Only the most legendary warriors can stand against our mages and claim victory."

He shrugs.
"Perhaps. Maybe if I was actually interested in doing more than the bare minimum, more people would be dead. They weren't the problem, though - only the treasurer needed killing, really. So my dischargers were on low power."

I nod.
"Yeah. But I've found that it is often harder to spare the enemy than it is to... not do so. And even so, that you remained unharmed whilst being far outnumbered is no small feat."

"Yeah. I've been through worse."

Leanna blinks.
"Worse?"

He shrugs.
"Yeah. Let me tell you - avoiding flashammer shots is not easy."

"I suppose not."

"But you know what is easy? Swords."

I shrug.
"Eh."

Then, I smile slightly.
"Well, I am glad to know you've managed to get out of all the situations in one piece. It must've been not easy on you."

"No, it wasn't. Not exactly in one piece every time, but it might actually be enjoyable to go wherever you're from and teach them what it's like to be in danger."

"Oh, trust me, they know."

"If they hoard power, they don't understand."

"I think by all the wars we waged, we would know what it's like to be in danger."

"Not for the right reasons. I wonder..."

I arc a brow.
"Hm?"

"I've heard of the northmen using some kind of special metal. I wonder how it would fare?"

"Northmen?"

Leanna perks up.
"You mean the Proxians?"

Zack nods.
"Yeah, them. Their metalworking isn't the best, but they do make one special material into armour and weapons. We asked them what the name for it was, and it was something like bestar, but it translates into something like Rare Blacker Wave Iron, so the word chosen by the explorers was Cataclysmarine Iron."

I blink.
"'Bestar'?"

"Yeah, something like that."

I blink again.
"How curious. I know of a legendary metal known as beskar."

"Oh. That's interesting."

"It is renown to hail from only one place in my entire... society, and only the people native to the land the metal is found in know how to work it."

"Sounds about right. The Proxians won't tell us."

"How... curious..."

"We have been looking for other sources of the ore they use for it - they should be around somewhere."

I shrug.
"Not necessarily."

Leanna nods.
"Probably, though. And technically, even if we can't forge it the way they do it shouldn't be too difficult to figure out a way to incorporate it into Transteel alloys."

Zack seems to agree.
"Stuff's heavy, so I wouldn't want an armour of pure Cataclysmarine anyways."

"Well, if, for example, it came to this planet by meteor impacts, it would be entirely possible that it is completely limited to their lands. And if it is anything like the beskar I am familiar with, it is just about impossible to work with other methods."

"You don't need to work with a metal to make Transteel."

I shake my head.
"No, not what I meant. It is infamous to be unable to be even incorporated into other alloys, if it is not handled by their original smiths."

"That makes no sense. Why would that happen?"

"It is the most resistant metal known to us. There is some sort of secret to it that their blacksmiths and forge masters use, otherwise the metal won't even melt."

"Metals melt, they just need high temperatures."

"Although it could also be that that's just a myth. No outsider has ever managed to get their hands on that metal... at least not for long."

"Oh?"

"They guard their metal as preciously as they guard the secrets to work it. If anyone manages to steal something from it, they will be on the run from the most feared warriors my society knows. The only kind of warriors even our mages respect."

"The Proxians are pretty good, but their method of war is... not comparable to ours, really."

"And mine wouldn't be to yours. But how so? What differentiates theirs from your warfare?"

"They focus heavily on individual prowess rather than cooperation on the battlefield. Like me. Mercenaries and loners. Except it's an entire civilization of them."

"They too?"

"What do you mean 'too'?"

"That... that's curious... at this point, I begin to doubt that it's a coincidence... Because that sounds so incredibly similar to the people I know using beskar."

"Are yours a species of blue ice people as well?"

"No... Also, they are less a species and more of an ideal."

"I see."

"But you said that focusing on individual prowess is contradicting to your local type of warfare... That brings me to a question, actually. From a tactical and strategical point of view, how much is a single mage worth?"

"People like me and Leanna are support for the main blocks of the armies of Esaria."

"I see..."

"Strategically, it depends on how good the mage is... but someone like Leanna... hmmm..."
He thinks.
"She'd probably be worth about the same as a block of hundred swordsmen, and probably one or two light siege engines."

Leanna blushes.
"I'm not that good..."

I chime in.
"You are."

Zack continues.
"Either that or a block of forty or so discharger infantry."

"Hm."

"Depends on role."

I nod absentmindedly.
"I see..."

I grow silent as I get lost in thought.

"In a large battle in the vein of the Great War, there would be a few hundred mages and mage knights mixed in with a few tens of thousands of other personnel, mixed between enlisted swordsmen and halberdiers, cavalry, archers and dischargers, siege engineers, and a quantity of support staff."

"Yes, makes sense..."
I then blink and look up as I fully register what he said.
"Wait a moment. 'Tens of thousands' of soldiers in a single army?"

Leanna nods.
"Yes. During the height of the Great Wars, there were over a dozen such armies and many smaller formations ravaging the countryside."

My eyes widen.
"And that on a single continent? That... that... that are a lot of soldiers..."

"Yes?"

I close my eyes, scanning the entire planet again. This time, specifically population numbers. Esaria is a large point of population density, as is a line of caves in mountains to the east. I count a planetary population approaching one billion.
I blink my eyes open.
"...I see... now it makes sense..."

I then draw my hand to my chin.
"...fascinating..."

"How so?"

"To field several such large armies, you have to have a rather large population. In my... society... such numbers of soldiers are usually scattered over a... larger area. Only in one of the largest recorded battles in recent history was a single army fielding fifty-thousand soldiers."

"Is it nomadic?"
Zack is confused.

"Uhm... not.. quite. It's just... we have been locked in constant fighting for a very, very long time. So I think that our numbers are just dwindling in comparison to here."

"War must've been pretty destructive, then."

I nod, my eyes glazing over as I stare into the distance.
"...very destructive indeed..."

As I begin to get pulled into memories of war, Zack nods, and Leanna looks at me sympathetically.
I start to tremble barely before I quickly shake my head. I refocus on them. Though I don't say anything, not quite sure what to even say. My eyes dart around, as I think of things to possibly say.

Leanna smiles, offering me a way out.
"We're still recovering from the last war too. Peace has been good to the kingdoms, and we heal and grow."

I smile.
"That's good to hear. How long ago has that last war ended?"

"Thirty years. Before my time."

I blink.
"Thirty years? Thirty years of peace? And there's... there's no new war in sight?"

"Not between the kingdoms."

I blink again.
"...That makes it sound like there's one with outsiders in sight."

"We're not sure. We've only just started to reach out, and we can't be certain until we know what's out there."

I nod.
"Fair enough."

Then I gaze into the sky.
"But still... thirty years of peace? Of stability?"

I close my eyes and smile sadly.
"Seems like you've done something better than we did..."

"Well, one reason is the Oath of the Common Tongue."

I just arc a brow at Leanna.

She promptly answers.
"Common didn't exist until after the treaty. It was constructed from a meshing of the main languages of Esaria and enforced as the language of trade, science, and many other things."

"I see... Yeah, I can see how that would be a project that promotes unity."

"I was among the first to be taught it as their first language, although I also do know Jeldaric and Jelvara."

"Those being the older Esarian languages, right?"

"Havengarde's ancestral dialects, yes."

"I see."
I don't know what else to say... again.

Luckily, Leanna doesn't seem to have been done.
"And, of course, the other things we do to try and get people to travel between the kingdoms."

I blink.
"Huh? Like what, for example?"

"Free trade agreements, open borders, a standardized rail network... The Treaty made a lot of promises, and some of them haven't been met yet, but we're getting there."

I smile slightly.
"That's great to hear. It's... good to know that there are in fact people that can work out their differences in peace..."

"I guess the kingdoms learned that war destroyed what they had more than it gave them new things."

"That always holds true for war, I'm afraid. Though I guess it helped that your countries weren't led by extremists, fanatics, and egoists. At least I assume they weren't."

"Perhaps not."

I begin to stare into the distance again, untold memories flashing across my vision, a distant expression on my face.
A moment later, I shake my head again.
"That brings me to something else, actually. How is your kingdom's governance structured?"

Leanna smiles.
"In a way that makes my father increasingly unhappy."

"Oh? Does it take power away from nobles?"

"Yes. That was one of the ideas that was had in the Treaty: more talking means less fighting."

I smile awkwardly.
"Is that so?"

"The nobility has their house, called the Senate, or House of Lords, while another group is elected by the cities to serve in the House of Commons. Both advise the royals, and their approval is required for certain acts."

I frown.
"Another Senate, huh?"

"I've heard good things and bad things about both, but mostly about the House of Commons... from the House of Lords. Apparently, they make it very hard to get things done. I am obligated to remind you now that that is the reason they're there."

My frown makes way to a slight smile.
"Oh yeah, I imagine. The big, powerful nobles are most likely not that happy to suddenly have notable opposition from commoners."

"So far... we're not really sure how it works, we'll be working it out for a little while yet. But it and other things have kept us out of wars."

I nod.
"That's good, then."

"I, myself, have found 'people of my station' to be among the worst breed of humanity, and fully support increasing these institutions. They might do something cool someday."

"Yes, like becoming as corrupt as the nobles they succeeded, for example. That is at least what happened to the Senate I am familiar with."

"Not if we do it right, I think."

"Well, then I wish you the best of luck in finding the right things to do. The F- Magic knows how easy it is for things to take a turn for the worse."

"'Magic knows'?"
Zack raises an eyebrow.

"A figure of speech from where I'm from."

"Strange. Magic can't know anything, as far as I'm aware."

"As far as most here are aware, it seems. But as I said, my kind of magic is rather different from your kind, I've found."

"Huh."

I just smile mysteriously, though not unkindly.
Then, I return my attention to Leanna.
"So, you've managed to find a system that balances the power of the nobles with the voices of the cities, and both act as a check for the king. That's actually a nice system, I think."

"It's still early, but I think it's going in the right direction."

I nod.
"If it was able to provide peace for so long, it sounds good to me, yes."

She smiles. That insanely beautiful smile of hers that I can't help but return.

I stretch my arms out, before crossing them behind my head.
"You really got it nice here, I have to say."
I let my gaze sweep around, scanning the perimeter. Though this time, a small smile graces my face.

"I'm glad you think so."

My smile widens.
"I mean, how could I not? The scenery is beautiful, the air is fresh, and the people are kind."
I say the last part as I smile warmly at Leanna.

Zack raises an eyebrow.
"Perhaps you'd appreciate the forests in the west. The people of Velden have been more or less at peace for thousands of years."

I blink, a bit startled out of my previous line of thought.
"You say what now?"

"The elves."

I blink again.
"Ah, right. Leanna told me about them before as well. But ...peace... for that long? Is that... is that even possible?"

My eyes narrow in suspicion.
"Are you sure that's not just propaganda?"

"Not sure, but their realm looks the part."

"You were there before, then?"

"...I think so."

I blink.
"Huh?"

He shakes his head.
"But yes, I've heard that their cities are built as though no wars have happened for aeons."

"I... find that rather hard to believe..."

"Though there is some evidence they involved themselves in an Esarian war a long time ago... they'll get back to us on that. The elves are a peaceful people, and very individualistic. It is said that they first learned the art of city building from humans, in exchange for the knowledge of how to heal with Earth Magic."

"Huh..."
I stare into the sky.
"I wonder how they managed that..."

"Managed what?"

"Having peace for that long. As far as I'm aware, the peaceful people are the ones getting exploited first."

"No war into Velden would be worth the cost. Elves are... different."

"Leanna mentioned something about them. They store their magic inwardly, was it?"

"Yes. Esaria would likely be able to win - if we could do another war without internal uprisings after the last ones - but what would we gain? Honestly, elves are a bit like cats. They want for little, do things alone when possible, and it's impossible to rule them. Any given elf is a warrior - of their ancient traditions of hunting and gathering - and their cities are not required to sustain their population."

"No people are impossible to rule."
I say that with a sad expression.

"The only thing they can't just get or make in the wild is metal."
He shakes his head.
"No, I mean even the elves can't rule the elves. Velden is only a kingdom by technicality."

"Not what I meant, but I suppose it doesn't matter. Anyhow, so these elves don't use metal or what?"

"Oh, they do. Building forges is one of the two reasons they build cities at all."

"Ah, I see. And the other?"

"Studying magic. It's a complex subject."

"Fair enough."

Leanna nods.
"Velden's colleges rival Esaria's... though I suppose we haven't really found any others."

"These Proxians don't have one, then?"

"We haven't even seen if they use magic yet."

"Or the...dwarves, was it?"

"They hate magic with a passion."

"Oh. I see."

"One of their metals actually dampens magic. They call it adamantine."

"The one you called starmetal?"

"Yes. Starmetal. The untameable mineral."

"Huh. Interesting."
I draw a hand to my chin.
"A metal that dampens magic, huh? My, how fascinating. Do you happen to know how it works?"

"Not too well. We haven't had much time to study it. We think it might be like a sponge - absorbing energy like a pango. But if it does, its capacity for magic is very high, and we don't know how to get magic out once it's in."

"Huh. Fascinating. I'd love to analyse it, if given the chance."

"I'm sure you would."
She smiles.

Once more I can only return her smile, and quickly get lost in her eyes again.
Leanna only holds my gaze with tender care, like one would hold a child.

Zack facepalms as he sees that.

The sound snaps me back.
"Uhm... I-is something... the matter?"

"...nothing, carry on with what you were doing..."
He seems to be in some minor form of pain.

I tilt my head in concern.
"But you seem to be... a bit unwell?"

"Don't worry about it. Feel free to continue being sweet enough to make me choke."

Leanna frowns at Zack.
"Really. You should read more."

"You should read fewer."

I blink.
"...uhm... Read what?"

"Books. Childish romance stories."

I blink again.
"Romance...stories? Ah, yes... I think I've seen the occasional one in Zash's library."

He sighs deeply.
"Uhh, you're hopeless. I cannot believe she's humouring you."

"Zack, don't be rude!"

I cross my arms.
"Well, I'm sorry if I was a bit tied up during my time."

No one gets it. I really shouldn't attempt humour.
I sigh.
"I never had the time to read something like that, so I don't know what those stories entail."

"Plenty of soulful gazing, like you're doing right now. This is right out of a dumb novel like that."

I frown.
"Well, my apologies when her eyes are among the most beautiful sight I've ever seen."

"Ugggggghhhhhhhhhhh..."
He retreats to the back again.
"No, they're not."

"To me, they are. Beauty lies in the eye of the beholder, after all."

"Sure. Like I said, fill your boots. Don't expect me to destroy myself with too much sugar, though."

I merely shrug.
"Suit yourself."

Leanna beams at me.
"Do you have any questions Zack can't hear?"

I blush at her smile. Force, it is so radiant.
"Well, I do have a question, but at this point, I don't know if there's anything he isn't supposed to hear. I'm rather sure he suspects that there's something up with this mysterious place I'm from."

I shrug.
"I suppose that's entirely on me, though."

"Yeah, you do say strange things. But that isn't a bad thing."

"Hm? How so?"

"Strange can be good. Strange can be a breath of fresh air. A lot of things about you are strange."

"I see. Well, I certainly am not normal, no."
I rub my arm self-consciously.

She places a hand atop mine.
"I've spent most of my life trying to escape familiar problems. The best things in life are new."

I smile up at her.
"I'm glad you think so. But I assume that our experiences differ in that regard."

"Perhaps I can change your mind, then."

I glance curiously at her.
"Oh? And how do you intend to do so?"

"By doing things with you that you've never done before."

"Well, so far, you've succeeded in doing that, then."

"Good, but I think I can do more."

"Well... let's see. Before, 'new' was just a synonym for 'worse, but different'. With you, though, 'new' suddenly means 'better'. So, I'm looking forward to anything you are willing to do."
I smile lovingly at her.
"However far that may be."

She smiles at me.
"Well, on a scale of one to ten, how calm are you?"

I blink, her question throwing me off a bit.
"Hmm... ten being perfectly calm?"

"Yes."

"About seven or eight, I suppose. Why?"

"Isn't that the reason you dropped me?"

I blush.
"I-I didn't drop you! I let you down very gently, thank you very much."

She rubs my shoulder.
"Yes, you were very gentle, Xerath. But you did put me down."

"Yes, that I did."
My cheeks heat up some more.
"So, are you... uhm... implying... that you... you want to... continue to be held by me like that?"

"Since the reason you stopped was because you were flustered, I'm asking if you want to continue."
She blushes slightly.
"And I want to fly again, yes."

"That's just floating. And I could do that without you having to hug me, you know?"

"But you need to be happy too."

I smile at her.
"I am happy to be even in your presence."

"But certain things make you happier."

"That's true."

"Like that."

"But still... I... I don't want that you do something you feel for-"
I shake my head.
"No. You said before that you do enjoy our embrace like that as well, right? So, I wouldn't need to feel bad, right?"

She beams.
"Yes. Making you happy makes me happy. And when I do this, you feel so happy."

And there goes the rest of my calm again. How red is my face now, I wonder?
"While that is certainly true... I uhm... I wish that you'd feel happy because I hold you like that just as much as because I am happy..."

"I'm not sure I'd know the difference unless it really stared me in the face. So maybe that is part of it."

"I see... Well, if you want to do me a favour, then listen inward to your feelings when we hug the next time."

"Okay, Xerath."
She smiles.

I return her smile. Force, I love this woman.
"So, shall we?"

She steps up to me, gently enveloping me.
As she makes the first step closer to me, I scramble to put the illusion into place. When she reaches me and snakes her arms around me, I gently lift her off of the ground again, me following suit, resting my head on her shoulder.

Once nicely secure, she moves a hand up and begins scratching my head.
It doesn't take long for me to close my eyes and purr in contentment. Or rather... is it more like a clicking?

"Hasn't anyone tried this before? It seems like such an obvious way to make you happy."

"If someone were that close to me... perhaps... I assume that only... only Kory... would have done that... but she... she never got the chance..."
My voice cracks every so often talking about her. I'm sure she can tell that just thinking about her pains me greatly. But... I don't mind being vulnerable in front of her.

"Shh... it's okay. I'm sure she's watching, and she very much loves you still."

I blink.
"You... you think... she loves me, too?"

"I will scratch your head for her, and me."
She finds my favourite spot.
"She does. Of course she does. If not as a lover, then as a close friend."

She smiles.
"A very close friend."

I blink, the threat of tears averted.
"Ah. Yes. Of course. There are different kinds of love, after all."

"But I do know she loved you very much, one way or another."

"How can you tell?"

She blinks.
"I... don't know. I guess the way you talk about her, but that isn't enough. And yet... I'm sure of it. She loves you enough that the greatest pain she felt was leaving you alone, rather than lightning."

"...how can you tell...?"

"I don't know."

"...and yet you're sure of it...?"

"But I know. Yes. Absolutely. She cared about you."

I smile weakly.
"Well, that much is a given. We were the bestest of friends, after all."

Then, my smile drops.
"...I miss her."

I squeeze Leanna.
"I miss her so much..."

She smiles sadly at me, soft movements and loving warmth not working to calm me down so much as comforting me. My memories of Kory are to be cherished, not forgotten. Not that I ever could, even if I wanted to.
So instead of trying to make me forget, she works to make the moment joyous again.

I bury my face in her shoulder.
"And the worst part is... is... that I will never see her again..."

"There are a lot of people we will never see again. They flip through our lives, and are typically as lovely as the people that stay."

I shake my head softly.
"That's not the same."

"It's sad. All these people who are just as good as the people who stick with us..."

"The afterlife exists. In death, we would be reunited with our lost loved ones inside the Force. But the place where Kory is... is a place I will never reach..."

"Then I'll carry your hope for you. Do not worry. If I can reunite you two without anything drastic, I owe it to you to try."

"You will not be able to. If I, a god, am powerless in face of this situation, what hope do you have?"

"Perhaps. But I have hopes."

"Hopes hurt the most when crushed. Do not hope on something impossible... it will only hurt you in the end."

"Or I just won't be able to do it."

"...perhaps."

"I don't go all-in on most hopes, Xerath. There are commitments between 'I don't care' and 'I will die inside if I don't do this'."

"Ah. Yes, of course. ...I suppose not everyone is like me in that regard..."

She blinks.
"Wait, is that why you fell in love so quickly? As soon as I broke through 'mostly irrelevant' I had already reached 'adoration'?"

I shake my head.
"Not quite."

She scratches my head.
"Then what?"

She asks as she casually makes me fall in love with her even more.

"Krrrkrrr... uhm, it's just that... when I do things, I tend to want to do them right. And if I give a promise, I will move heaven and earth to keep it. Soo, I suppose that there is not much for me in-between 'I don't care' and 'I will do everything in my power to make it work'. As for why I fell in love with you so quickly, though... it's hard to describe, but completely unrelated to this."

"Oh?"

"I think I told you before, didn't I? I had this inexplicable feeling of deep founded trust with you. Your mere presence grounded me. Talking with you was more fun than I had in a long time. It wasn't long until I recognised that I felt around you like I felt around Kory."

She smiles softly as she continues to make me feel perfect.
"And I am so happy to receive this trust."

I smile just as softly, my sorrows retreating again.
"I love you, Leanna."

I chuckle softly directly after, confusing Leanna.
"What is it?"

"I just think it's funny... not too long ago, I thought I would never be able to say those words to someone. And yet here I am, overflowing with these emotions that I have to tell you every now and then."

She squeezes me.
"Well, I'm told that not everyone is used to being able to hold someone, or receive enough of their trust to share a bedroom."

I lean into her touch.
"Hmm... sounds familiar. I wonder who you're talking about."

She only smiles.
I sigh happily as I rest against her.
She hums softly in my ear as she scratches me.

The chittering sound I didn't even know would be a response from me resounds again.
"Krrrrrrkrrrr..."

"Awwww..."

"Mhmmm..."
I sigh dreamily.
"Have I told you before that you have an absolutely magnificent voice, Leanna?"

"I think you have. And I'm glad."

"Glad for what? Having a magnificent voice?"

"Glad you think it's magnificent."

"Ah. It's absolutely pleasing to the ears. I could listen to you talk for days and not grow bored for a single moment. And that's not even taking your interesting opinions and your astute knowledge into account."

She positively beams at me.

"And oh, your smile is so wonderfully radiant as well."
I smile at her again in that mixture of adoration, admiration and pure love.
"There is just so much that I love about you, Leanna. And the more I learn about you, the more I learn to love."

Her smile can only broaden after a profession like that.
I hug her closely.

"Don't sell yourself short either, Xerath. Not everyone responds to someone helping them by thanking them the way you do."

I blink.
"Hm?"

"I can feel what I have sometimes, but it's rarely more than a thank you. You do much more than that."

"Well, you didn't just help me. You saved me."

"And I'd do it again in a heartbeat."

"You changed my life for the better, and only continue to do so. A mere 'thank you' just wouldn't cut it, I think. No, what you did- what you do to me, for me, is special. Very special. You are very special to me. And I wish to be just as special for you."

She blushes slightly.
"I'm... glad to be special to you, and that you want to make me happy in return."

I smile widely at her. Then, I wince, and the smile drops.

"What is it?"

I put a hand towards my face and massage my skin.
"Feels like... sore muscles? But in my face?"

"Xerath, have you suddenly started smiling more than you usually do?"

"I suppose I have smiled more in a few days than in the last decade combined."

"Well, how does that feel? Aside from 'sore'."

"It feels good. It feels right."
My hold around her tightens.
"But at the same time, it fills me with unease..."

"Shh..."
She holds me tightly, calmingly.

I instantly lean into her again.
"Usually... whenever something remotely good happened... it went much worse shortly after..."

"Xerath, if things get really bad, you do what you need to do, okay?"

I squeeze her.
"I will protect you."

She smiles.

"You have quickly become the most important person in my life. I will not let anything happen to you. No matter what."
My power surges subconsciously, building up some pressure around us. And even if her senses to the Force are not attuned, I'm sure she feels it, too.

"Shh... it's okay. I know that you can do that. You don't need to be afraid."

I blink and the pressure eases, before dissipating completely.
"But I am afraid. Afraid of losing you."

I hold her close.
"Without you... I... I wouldn't know what to do anymore..."

"Xerath, I'm not going to cut you loose of my own free will. You're important, and you need my help, my friendship. So, logically, the only ways I'd leave you are not of my free will. What would happen in those?"

"That I'd... I'd fight tooth and nail to bring you back... But on the chance..."
I wince. Even only thinking about the possibility hurts me.
"...on the chance you might be... lost... like Kory is... to me..."

I take a deep breath.
"I... I might do something very catastrophic..."

"Xerath. You said that the mind and soul can exist outside the body under certain conditions."

"Yes. Which is why I said that 'if you might be lost like Kory is'..."

"So, if I were to die and you couldn't prevent it, could you create those conditions?"

I shrug.
"Uncertain. That depends on you, and how fast I get to you."

"It's possible to store consciousness in other things with magic - Ymiran Spears prove that much, even if we don't really understand why. Could you store me in an object for safekeeping, and regenerate me after the danger has passed?"

I nod. Darth Nihilus has done something similar as well, but I'm not sure he is a good example. I think she was aiming for something else.
"Again, that depends on you, and how fast I get to you."

She smiles.
"And do you intend to deliberately leave your emotional support blonde for that long?"

"Of course not. But my window of being able to revive someone... is about five minutes, on average. More often than not even less."

"And if the person has a combination of a strong will and unfinished business?"

"About five to ten minutes. Up to thirty in strong cases, I guess. If the person also has a strong presence in the Force, however, the person will most likely become a ghost. In that case, reviving would be theoretically no problem anymore."

"So all I need is a Force presence. Theoretically."

I shake my head.
"You already have one. Everyone has one. You'd need a strong one. One you... also kind of have, but it's dampened... kind of? I don't know, it's hard to see."

"Hmm..."

"You definitely have a presence fitting for a Jedi Knight, or a Sith Lord, but I cannot predict if that would be enough to become a ghost..."

"So, try teaching me. I imagine we both have a chance to learn here."

All my mental calculus goes out the window as Leanna offers a perfectly sound reason to spend lots of time together.
"Well... y-yes. But wasn't that our plan from the very beginning?"

"Now we have a goal, though. I'll learn to use your... weird magic, and you'll learn how to use a sword."

"I do know how to use a sword. Granted, it will take me a bit of time to get used to the different weight distribution, but my technique is still applicable."

"I am aware. I know the basics of making food, that doesn't mean getting better at it isn't 'learning to cook'."

I blink.
"Well, usually 'learning to do something' implies that one wasn't able to do it in the beginning."

"Oh, sorry if I implied that."
She blushes.
"I didn't know that..."

I smile shyly.
"You're really cute when you're flustered... Ahem. I mean, don't worry. It's also possible that this is just something that's handled differently between our cultures. It's easy to forget that we technically speak different languages, that just happen to sound the same."

"Yeah, it is. I wonder... what's a word you use and you don't think we will?"

I shrug. That question kind of comes out of the blue.
"I have no idea. The Force, probably. I'd assume that you have the word 'magic' so deeply associated with that phenomenon, that calling it 'the Force' would be rather difficult for you."

"Well, I assume you also have the meaning as a push or pull on an object that can cause it to move."

"Yes. That is a force. The Force, however, is capitalized."

"But as for humans exerting forces on things without touching them, that's definitely magic - though there are more nuances in the definition. If you displayed the Force as is to the world, it seems mechanically different enough to merit a unique classification."

"That is true."

"Perhaps something like 'dirty magic', or high magic. Something like either of those, depending on what they find about it and what's more important."

I arch a brow.
"Dirty magic?"

"Sullied by the concerns of ephemera. The Force doesn't seem to me to be anywhere near as... rigorous as magic is to us. So it's a choice of whether your Force is born of tainting elemental energy by combining them together, or whether the perspective is that it is the pure form of magic."

"I see."

"I don't know myself how best to describe it, but I don't know if I can truly invest myself in a system based solely on willpower. But I will try, and will walk a new path if necessary."

"Well, I'm not quite sure on that, yet, but so far, my findings point into the direction, that magic is based on the Force, but structured in a very different way."

"Hmm?"

"While I calmed myself down earlier, I analysed the shadow magic that had struck me yesterday. I found that your name of a 'tainted sphere' was rather apt. It felt like elemental magic... I assume it was fire... that was mixed... overwritten - tainted by shadow magic. But beyond the rigid structure of your magic... I found the will of the Force. Small, almost untraceable."

"What was it doing?"

"Nothing much, really. It almost seems... passive. Instead of focusing on the magic itself, the Force seems to passively boost the life here. I said it before, ... but Terra really is unique."

"Are you appreciating that unique thing?"

"I... think so. There are some things I have a hard time accepting, but I really think that it's a good thing your world is so different."

"Is there anything you're having trouble with? We obviously haven't gotten to finding magic boosting life, but there are some things we know."

"Yes. Your people reacting this poorly to my powers. As well as the thought that generally everyone can wield magic. All my life, the Force was this mysterious power only a selected few can use. Then I was trained to use that power myself, taught that it made me special. Taught that Force users were above the common people. That was just about the only thing the Jedi and Sith could ever agree upon."

"Well, I suppose one of the reasons that's different on Terra is just because it sounds like there are more mages, and magical industry puts less of a divide between them and non-mages. Theoretically, anyone can get their hands on a magical tool, though your mileage may vary. A lot of them are still very expensive, but light crystals have gotten fairly cheap since we got their growing process down. And cheaper Transteel alloys can be found everywhere."

"You have percentual many many more mages than the galactic standard, that is true. However, even then, in our society, the Force users use the Force, and everyone else doesn't. They use technology. But here... it's like the Force itself wanted to structure the magic here differently. With clear rules that can be observed, so that you'd follow the path you currently follow. It just confuses me as to why the Force would do that. That is the complete opposite of what it does in my galaxy. Have I perhaps been brought to an alternate reality, where the Force works contrary to what I know? I have no idea."

"Well, I don't know if that's right. We can't really tell."

"Can't what really tell?"

"Whether you're in an alternate reality, unless you can."

I shake my head.
"I wouldn't know how to discern that, so no."

I sigh.
"But I don't think so, either. I can still feel all the marks I left in my galaxy, as incredibly faint as they are. So I suppose I am still in the same plane of existence."

"'Plane of existence'?"

"The same reality."

"Ah, right."

"Even so... I cannot fathom why the Force would behave so drastically different here. That is something I need to meditate about. Perhaps it will tell me. In the meantime, however, it is a very fascinating subject to think about. Second only to thinking about you."

"Oh."
She blushes.

I lovingly smile up at her, which she returns with a soft smile of her own.

"Hey, Leanna. Can I... ask you something?"

"Yes. What is it?"

"You said before that you currently don't have a... husband or anything. But I wonder... if there was someone special to you in the past?"

"...no."

I blink at her tone, then furrow my face in worry.
"Leanna, is something wrong?"

She quiets.

I glance up at her, alarmed now.
"Leanna? Has my question made you uncomfortable? Have I said something wrong?"

"No, you haven't. It's just... I don't want to talk about that."

"Oh, okay... I can respect that."
I squeeze her.
"I'm sorry."

She smiles sadly.
"It's not your fault."

"I know. But I made you remember something bad, and I apologise for that. You said that you want me to be happy, right? But the exact same goes for me, you know?"

Her smile brightens.
"...thank you, Xerath."

I relax again.
"There, that's better. That's the smile I fell in love with."

Then, my gaze darkens.
"But if someone has done something bad to you, just tell me. They will not walk this world for longer."

She sighs.
"Thank you anyway, even if it doesn't matter."

"I want to ask why that wouldn't matter, but I respect your want to not talk about it further."
I smile softly.
"Just... I will always be willing to listen, when you feel comfortable enough to share."

"Thank you. You've been very good to me."

"I just return the favour. And I mean, how could I not? You are the woman of my dreams, Leanna. I'd carry you on my hands if you'd ask."

She smiles, which I match.
"But are you implying that you're usually not treated with at least a fraction of the kindness you show others? Because... I don't really think I'm doing anything special, to be honest..."

"You are, really. Not exactly unheard of, but not common."

"How so? Well, I mean, I suppose that most wouldn't declare their undying love for you after two days... but still..."

"Well, for most people it's only a few things I do. As a Mage-Knight, I tend to travel a lot. So what I do tends to be spread out across Havengarde."

"I see... yes, that makes sense."

"But as for people within the Guild, there are three main responses. Those somewhat like yours, appreciating to an extent what I do to help people. Those like... your friend, who think it's a sign of weakness. And those who try to exploit it."

"I wouldn't exactly call Nox my friend. More like... my evil twin, perhaps? But... yeah. I know what you mean."
I squeeze her.
"Being kind is not easy. Not at all."

"It isn't the easiest thing, no."

"But... I believe it is the right thing. I just wish more people would see it that way as well..."

"Maybe they will one day. Or, maybe they won't, and we'll just need to be happy with the lives we could touch."

"Maybe. But what I do know is that only with kindness, we can make the world a better place. Hatred gets us nowhere, after all. That's why I firmly believe you are a boon for every world you are on."

She smiles at me.
"So are you, Xerath."

I glance away.
"I'm... not so sure about that..."

She moves my face back in line with her own.
"Xerath, I've heard you claim over and over that the only reason you gathered power was to survive. That might even be true. But once you had power, what did you do with it?"

"...killed... destroyed... ... I... I tried to save people where I could... throughout my life. I wanted to - I really did! But... for every person I could help, I could save... how many did I have to kill? Ten? A hundred? A... a thousand...?"

She rubs my head.
"What are you? Right now."

I blink.
"What?"

"What are you? What things do you do? What are the constituent parts that make up Xerath?"

"I... I..."
I look down.
"I do not know. There are so many... different aspects... seemingly contradicting... different emotions, different thoughts... I'm not even sure anymore about who I am."

"Well, just list them, then."

"I... can try, I suppose... So, well, uhm... one on hand, I feel like there is a part of me, the innocent slave boy from Tatooine, who just has a natural curiosity for everything around him and a dislike to violence. But then there's also the Sith, Darth Imperius, who is this confident leader, masterful craftsman and powerful caster. Unlike the boy, he displays some sort of enjoyment from combat... from killing. And then there is the Eternal Emperor, the Lion of Zakuul, a serene leader and god, who wants to lead his galaxy out of the dark ages of constant warfare and usher in a new time of peace, stability and prosperity for all the people, not just a selected few... And now... now there's also the simple man who has fallen in love with a woman. But... what about that is me? Who am I really? What of that is just the mask I've built over the years to hide behind? I've had to act like that for so long, I cannot even tell the boundaries anymore. Where does my acting end and my real me begin?"

"What if it all is?"

I blink.
"Huh?"

"People aren't so uncomplicated that you can sum them up in a single sentence - usually. This isn't just because their descriptions are long, it's also because there are nuances to character that can't really be compressed without losing a big part of the person. That you have a hard time describing yourself is normal. I do too. And I think that all of these are pieces of the person Xerath Kallig, who used to be a simple boy on a far-flung planet in a terrible situation, has become. You've become a good warrior, and no one becomes good at killing without at least growing to enjoy the art in violence."
She grips my shoulders.
"You haven't tangled yourself up in masks and falsehoods. These aren't disguises. They're a part of who you are. You don't pretend to be the protector of more people than I can count - that's who you are. You don't pretend to still be an innocent child - that's who you are."

She blushes.
"You sure don't pretend to be in love either..."

I gaze up at her, tears sitting in the corners of my eyes.
"Leanna..."

"And the warrior you became to protect yourself... that's you too. But he is but one piece among many in the man you've grown to be. I imagine that that part of you has blood on his hands... a lot. But that doesn't invalidate the good you have done, nor does it even force you to undersell it. By stopping Tenebrae, you saved the galaxy from what would most likely have been an eternity of subjugation. How much is that worth?"

"I... I don't know... Can I even do better? What if all my efforts just go down the drain in the end, anyways? What good would it have done then?"

She smiles, her liquid gold pulsing with warmth.
"I think you can."

My eyes widen and I have to swallow.
"You... really think so... Don't you?"

"I know you can do at least as well as you've already done."

She pulls me close again.
"What were your immediate plans again? Once you leave Terra, what do you intend to do for the galaxy?"

"Uhm... rebuilding what was lost in the last wars. Keeping the peace between the Empire and the Republic, preferably through diplomacy... and in the best case, unite the galaxy under one banner, so that the people can finally live in peace and prosperity, regardless of where they live."

She smiles blindingly.
"Now, tell me, does that sound like a mad tyrant drunk on bloodshed to you?"

"No... but I do have that side inside me... and it just waits to break out..."

"Isn't that how a lot of people are?"

"I... don't think it's quite so literal in most people's cases."

She frowns.
"I don't think Nawx is trying to break out at the moment."

"He isn't. He would, if he wanted to. But... ever since he first came to be... I've found myself agreeing with him more often throughout the years. The more I lost, the more I got hurt... the more I slipped. On a side note, your pronunciation of his name is really cute. Just... ehm... just wanted to mention that."

"Well... thank you? But also... I don't think you can be blamed in any way for what happened to you. That you're still okay to people at the other end of it says something."

I glance up at her with a pained expression.
"Well... I promised it..."

"To someone you still love to this day."

I nod.
"Yes..."

"If you were actually unhappy with the promise and only following through with it because it was a promise, it would've dragged on your memories of her. By contrast, I think that the content of the promise mattered almost as much to you as the person saying it. Perhaps not as much, but you still cared enough about being good to enjoy it."

I nod weakly.
"As I said... I wouldn't want her to be disappointed in me..."

"She wouldn't be."

"She was the only one to really care about me... I couldn't stand her looking at me like the others... Well, of course not. I kept the promise, after all. Against all odds. And... I think... that was the only part that anchored me to who I was deep down. If she hadn't made me promise this... I think I wouldn't be the same today."

"And you've pursued life with a pure passion, Xerath. You've succeeded. Even if there are yet more battles you must fight, you can meet them."

"I'm... not so sure on that part..."

"Do you know how I know?"

"Huh? How?"

"From the way you look at me. Those are not the eyes of someone who can let life win in the battle he's in."

I sigh and smile lightly.
"Yeah, I hate to lose. But even so... I've... I've reached my limits, Leanna..."

"But you don't need to fight alone now. They aren't only your limits."

"Another strong hit to my psyche and I'm done for."
I look up at her with tired eyes. But even so, affection glints inside them.
"Yes. I have one person more I deeply care about. Someone I want to protect above all else. But simultaneously to my affection to you, rises my fear of losing you."

She cups my cheeks.
"I will do all I can to help you, Xerath. It will be enough. It has to be."

I lean into her touch and gaze up at her. Some light returns to replace the tiredness, but fear comes along with it.
"But what if it isn't?"

"Then I suppose we'll have to settle for enjoying a bit of life before the end."

I laugh bitterly.
"'Enjoying life', you say... is that even possible?"

"You've been doing it for the past few days."

I softly shake my head.
"No... no, you're right. I think... with you... I can."

She smiles.
"And how do you intend to do that?"

Her voice holds no malice or contempt, like others who would ask that question. She wants to know how I want to enjoy life, the time the two of us have been given.

I can't help the heat creeping into my cheeks.
"I...uhm... I... ...like this... for example... Together... with you. Just... spending time with you... getting to know you even more... being close to you..."

She shines like a star in my grasp, hair seeming to glow in the noontime light.
I blush furiously and stare up at her in awe and adoration.
"...you are so bretty..."

She giggles.
"Bretty?"

Now it's my turn to emit heat like a walking reactor.
"Uhm... you see... err... I uhm... wanted to say 'beautiful'... but then thought to switch that to 'pretty'..."

I bury my burning face in her shoulder.
"Aarrgh... can't even talk properly..."

"I thought that was adorable, Xerath."

"... you do?"

She continues to smile, eyes gleaming with care - and, surprisingly, a little of a smirk, with the light twinkle of mirth in her sapphire jewels.
"I do. You're adorable."

I squirm in her grasp.
"...I think you're the only one seeing it that way... ...no one else ever called me 'adorable'..."

She huffs melodramatically.
"No one else had taste."

"Soo... uhm... I am hitting your taste, then?"

"Hmm... exotic and nice yet damaged soft boy who understands basic human decency despite being abused his whole life?"
She smiles at me.
"You don't do too many things wrong, at least."

"...well, isn't that reassuring?"

"There are more things to like about you than you give yourself credit for, Xerath."

I continue to blush a storm.
"There are?"

"Well, let's start by having you name the things you think others might find attractive about you. Don't worry about vanity - someone else is asking."

"Huh..."
I finally pull my face out of her shoulder, staring into the distance.
"Hmm... Something others might find attractive about me... My... uhm... my sm- no, I never smiled that much. My intelligence? No, that scares most people more than they are impressed... My kindness? Perhaps. Though there were also many calling it a weakness, so I'm not sure on that one."

I grow silent as I contemplate more.
After a moment or two, I mutter again.
"My eyes, maybe? That's, like, the only thing I can come up with."

"Alright, my turn. Your smile is just so lovely and pure. I can see the joy that flushes through your being whenever it appears, and would like to see it more."

I blush again. Just when it died down a bit, too.

"I haven't exactly seen too many chances for you to demonstrate exceptional intelligence, so I'll need to get back to you on that."

"Well, intelligence and perceptiveness kind of go together, and you noticed that one before..."

"True, but that was only impressive and not scary. As for kindness, it shouldn't surprise you that I find your kindness to be the single most important part of your being, shining through despite years of abuse. I am absolutely ready to protect that little flame with everything I have."

"Well... as far as I've found, people tend to get uncomfortable when one can read them like a book from one glance..."
Then, I register the rest of her statement and blush even more.
"O-oh... uhm..."

"Your eyes are a lovely hazel colour, and I do appreciate the part that they play in your expressions, but my favourite physical feature of yours is on the inside. Your 'mutation', that you were scared about sharing has resulted in many fun things happening, and I suspect several more new things are in store. I'm sure you've noticed how much I adore the chittering sound you make."

I nod weakly.
"Y-yeah... you r-react rather... positively to it..."

"I suppose I do. There's much more too. I like that you're honest and faithful - I've had just about enough of the opposite. I like that you're casual with me, but don't define causal as the doing of literally whatever."

I blink.
"Huh?"

"And I like that you are, and have been, a good person. Good to me, good to others, good to the world."
She places a hand on my head and begins to scratch.
"What is it, Xerath?"

"Krrrrrkrrrr... uhm... I mean... what did you mean with the 'casual' thing? That... there seems to be a deeper meaning behind that sentence that I lack the context of to fully catch..."

"Well, I've experienced several types of people. Lots of nobles will never tell you what they really want for any reason. By contrast, several people seem to use their freedom from such constraints to try to rope me into silly schemes."

I blink up at her.
"Huh? How so?"

She blushes slightly at the memory.
"Have you ever heard of the concept of 'streaking', Xerath?"

I think for a moment.
"Hmm... based on your reaction, I assume you do not mean that word in the technical sense, so I'll have to negate that."

"Well, it's when one or more people run naked in an area they are not supposed to do so in."

I blink up at her. Once, then twice. It takes a moment for me to register her words and process them fully. Then, I blush. Deeply.
"And you... did you... you didn't... did you?"

She blushes brightly.
"Well... no... But I did consider it. She was a good friend."

I look up at her. Even if my cheeks burn as brightly, my eyes narrow in suspicion.
"Your reaction... is not that convincing... Are you sure you..."

I gulp.
"You didn't?"

She laughs thinly.
"I didn't?"

"You know... do that..."

"No, I didn't do that... mostly..."

My eyes narrow again.

"I... wasn't interested in being caught... so we did it at night... after curfew..."

I gaze at her with the inquisitive look that other people often were scared of. If it weren't for the affection still being obvious in my expression, Leanna might be, too.
"So... you... uhm... you... were out in the night... with your female friend... and ran around... naked?"

"...yes..."
She blushes deeply.

My cheeks burn brighter than they have ever before.
"...why...?"

"I'm... not too proud of it, but I did it for her. She wanted to, so I tried to find a way to do it I was comfortable with."

I sigh.
"Yeah, that sounds like you alright. But... how long ago was that? You spoke of curfew. Was that when you were still a child?"

"It was when I was younger, yes... it was a small school I was sent to for some parts of the year for tutoring in things that my parents couldn't teach me most easily - or that they didn't have time for."

"Would you... would you want to tell me the whole story, Leanna?"

"There's... not much to tell, honestly."

"Like, how you got to that school, how you met that friend of yours, how and why you did... the thing you did... and most importantly, why you spoke of your friend in the past tense. Did something happen to her? Or to your friendship?"

"Well... I wanted to learn mathematics, and about the world in general. This, in my parents' opinion, was good - I think they thought I was drifting towards working the logistical problems of being a housewife, and the study of being a research mage. It fit the mould more than swordplay at least."

I look up at her with apt attention.

"My parents couldn't teach all of that, so they got me into a tutoring slot. Me and... eight?... other noble children were there. We all had to work very hard, but not everyone took it in the same, proud 'I'm doing this for approval and because my dad said it would make me awesome' stance. I think the fact that I wasn't competing with any of the others said to Katarina that I was set apart from the others, even if it wasn't the same way she was."

"Oh?"

"She was what the tutors refer to as a 'problem child'. She learned, and when asked would prove that she was working, but the way she did it..."
Leanna laughs.
"She was perhaps the most energetic being I've ever had the chance to meet. Her pranks were legendary, but never enough to get her sent home - after all, there's an amount of tolerance available to the children of important people, and Katarina had learned to ride it expertly. A combination of adorability, skill, and restraint made sure she got to stay around. I'm glad she did - and I'm also glad she noticed that I appreciated the life she brought to those months."

I smile fondly.
"Sounds familiar."

"Restraining herself always seemed to bother her, though. So when she approached me and asked to be my friend, I had to say yes. Even back then, I knew what that meant - she wanted someone else on the inside of her schemes, to share in the glory. So as we learned our math and science, Katarina and I would plan out ever more elaborate ways to increase the level of fun occurring in that space. We set the goal of making all the other stuck-up kids smile at least once - and we did it."

I smile.
"My, what a noble goal."

She smiles as well.
"However, the classes would only last so long. So on the last week we knew we'd be together for, she asked me for help with something she shouldn't do. Even as young as we were, running around nude was orders of magnitude more improper than anything she was willing to get caught doing. So she had never bothered. But... she still wanted to. It's just that she had no one to share it with, which made it irrelevant. I was a method by which she could share it with one person, so in the last week she asked me if I would do it."

I just look at her curiously, though there's a slight blush on my cheeks.

"It took some thinking. I was quite embarrassed. But with how much it meant to her, I couldn't refuse. So after the tutor had gone to bed and the halls were empty, she picked the lock on the door to hers and my room and we ran around in the halls at night."

"...without clothing, I assume?"

"Yes."
She blushes slightly at the memory.
"We also might've taken ink quills, one for each of us, to remember each other by."

I tilt my head.
"'Ink quills'?"

"Writing implements."

"I... see..."

"Sometimes I wear mine in my hair."

I blink.
"You do?"

"Yes. It isn't too bad, honestly."

I try to imagine her with a pencil in her hair.
"I... can't really see it."

"My mother would tell me if I liked feathers she could buy me a colourful one, but I always insisted on quills."

"...you write with feathers? How?"

She smiles softly.
"Quills are special."

Then she registers my question.
"Oh, uhh..."

I look on confused.

"The feathers of a bird are hollowed out and sharpened to a writing tip. To write the tip is dipped in a vial of ink, causing a small amount of it to become trapped within the hollow. Then, if you do it right, you can write with it."

"Huh..."
I ponder that for a moment, then shrug.
"I see. So, these feathers are white, I take it?"

"Yes."

I look up at her again, with a soft smile.
"Now I can picture it, then."

"Anyways, as for the last part of your question... I've seen her a few times since then, but I haven't really had more time to chat than casual party stuff, when mother and father were parading me around."

"Aww... You talked about her as if she was quite important a friend to you."

"I would like to talk with her again, perhaps to get in on another scheme of some kind... but I haven't had a good moment in years. Doing Mage-Knight things is a lot of work."

"Yeah... I get that. Do you know where she lives, though?"

"Last I heard she was married off to someone in Stonecrest."

"Well, if you want to, I can offer to bring you to her."

"Hmm? Ohhhh, right, you can do that."
She shakes her head.
"For now, let's focus on figuring out what you need to do."

"Alright."
I smile gently.
"And who knows, maybe our travels will bring us towards this Stonecrest as well?"

She smiles brightly.
"Perhaps they will."

I relax at her wonderful smile as I quickly find myself staring at her again.
Though then, I suddenly begin to blush and avert my eyes.

She looks worried.
"Xerath, is something wrong?"

"...this is bad... ...very... very bad..."

She holds me tighter.
"What's bad, Xerath?"

"Your story... made me think about something that I realised I have never before thought of before..."
I continue to avert my face. She can feel that my heart is beating faster than usual, and my face is heating up plenty.

My new state of mind is acutely aware of several things I dismissed earlier, or at least found only beautiful, rather than... something else. First of all, Leanna has curves.
It's not terribly obvious from the plate armour she wears, but her clothing is extremely conservative, and the more layers she is without the more it becomes apparent how soft, lithe, and full her body is. Even through all this metal, it is readily apparent how much she is pressing into me, and it has finally occurred to me that this trend would likely continue if she removed the gambeson.

By now, I am a burning hot, blushing mess.
I whimper at her side.
"...what is... what is happening with me...?

She is still trying to learn what the problem is, but I can barely hear the words. It is only the sound of her voice, washing over me in its lovely tones. She holds me close, worrying I am thinking about some terrible thing that happened in his past.
Her worry snaps me back... at least somewhat. I stammer and whimper, but I manage to focus somewhat more on her words.
"...nothing... from my past... don't... worry..."

She breathes a slight sigh of relief.
"Good. Just... be comfortable, okay? I want you to be comfortable."

I didn't think it was possible, but I blush even more.
"Uhhh..."
I can just imagine how she might look if she was naked now - though I might be mistaken on some elements that can't really be seen.
I tense in her grasp as my muscles lock up. If we wouldn't be floating right now, I'd just freeze up on the spot.

"Shh... if you need it, offers for massages are still open at the end of the day."

Oh no. Oh no. She was already far too unintentionally sexy - wait, that's a new word, where did it come from?
My tense form trembles in her grasp now.
"Uuurghhh..."

She is only silent and continues to hold me, her soft breath and worried heartbeat echoing across my powerful and currently very raw senses.
It is very quickly becoming way too much for me to handle. Just a few moments pass where she holds this Xerath-sized brick in her arms, as suddenly, I am just gone with a last whimper.

She pats back onto the ground, and blinks.
"Oh."

She smiles into the empty space.
"You only had to say you needed space. I hope you can calm yourself."

To her side, on the treeline, a flock of birds suddenly takes flight, as if startled by something.

Meanwhile, I appear inside the small forest, having a reactor meltdown of emotions, while still passively watching over Leanna and Zack. Not knowing what to do, or think, or feel, I just sit on the ground, my knees hugged closely to myself, and I rock back and forth.

My shadow twists until it gazes at me with two gleaming red orbs.
"You are confused."

"...what gave it away?"

"Heh."

"It's just... what is happening with me, Nox?"

"Now... I'm hardly an expert on this topic, but... I believe you are now attracted to Leanna."

"'Attracted'? As in... sexually?"

"Given your reaction? Most likely, yes."

"But that doesn't make any sense! Why now? Why so suddenly? I never... I never had thoughts like that before, so why now?!"

"You never had a reason to think about someone being naked before, did you? So... Leanna's story about running around naked carved a new connection in your mind, I think. Namely, that of Leanna, being the woman you love, and her being naked."

I whimper again.
"Uugh... So what am I supposed to do now?"

"Nothing."

"What?"

"You are supposed to do nothing."

"How... why?"

"Well, Leanna still only thinks of you as an important friend, right? Advances of the physical side... may make her uncomfortable. Something you want to prevent, right?"

"...yes... ...but then... what can I do?"

"Calm down."

I chuckle weakly.
"I don't know if I can do that."

The shadow sways, as if shaking its head.
"You can."

I blink.
"Huh?"

"Your control on your emotions was always commendable. It might seem overwhelming right now, but I'm sure you can reign it in."

I uncurl.
"Huh... yeah... yeah, you're right."

I take several deep breaths, and my heart rate decreases... relatively, as I reign my thoughts back in. I force myself to lock those improper thoughts away. It's way too soon to think about Leanna like this. Perhaps when - if we get together, but not sooner.
With the conviction to uphold Leanna's honour and chastity, even inside my own thoughts, I manage to get myself back in control.
I take a last deep breath.
"Huuuuh. That should do it. Thank you, Nox."

The shadow seems to nod, then retracts to the natural form.
"...you're welcome."

I stand up again and dust my robe off, then reappear by Leanna's side. I notice that they've walked quite a distance in the meantime. Luckily, my illusion remained so far.

She smiles at me.
"Welcome back. Feel better?"

My resolution begins to strain instantly, as her caring smile makes me blush slightly.
"Thank you... I'm back. And, well, I suppose..."

I gaze away and scratch my cheek.
"Sorry that I just up and vanished without saying anything."

"Sometimes you need space. It looked like whatever the problem was, was big."

I nod.
"Yeah... you could say that again."

"May I ask what it was...? If it won't hurt to talk about, it might help if you share."

"It doesn't hurt, at the very least. It's rather... overwhelming and confusing, but not hurtful."

"Oh?"

"As for what it was..."
I trail off uselessly and blush as the thoughts try to come back. I quickly shake my head and push them back again.
"No! I won't think about it! I have to uphold your chastity and honour, even in my head."

She blinks.
"...what? That's uhhh... What?"

I gaze at her with conviction.
"I will not sully you with these impure thoughts. You deserve better than me thinking about..."

I blush again.
"...such things."

And another shake of the head.
"No! Begone, thoughts!"

She starts turning red.
"So you're thinking about if I was naked..."

"Uuhhmm..."

She turns away.
"Huuuuuhhhhh..."

I gradually turn more red.
"I'm sorry! I didn't mean to think about you in that way."

I cast my gaze down.
"I don't know what came over me..."

"...I'm not angry at you Xerath..."
She is not comfortable.
"...you can't help it..."

"And yet you're clearly uncomfortable, and it is my fault."

"It's not!"
She looks right at me. Now she's angry - a bright, hot wrath is boiling off her core.
"Xerath, you will stop blaming yourself for things that aren't your fault! You didn't choose to find me attractive. Your restraint in the physical is all I ask for - I cannot and do not wish to control what you think about!"

I take a step back, surprised by her outburst.
"But... you are uncomfortable because I thought of you like that, are you not? Hence, it is my fault."

She cools quickly, the emotion expressed.
"It is and it isn't."

I blink.
"What?"

"It's your fault in the sense that yes, you did it. Is it also your fault that you ate breakfast this morning?"

"Well, me eating breakfast does not lead to problems, does it?"

"Or rather, that you wanted to eat breakfast."

I just tilt my head, confused.

"Is it your fault that you wanted to eat breakfast? Is it your fault that you... wanted to... that you wanted to that?"

I throw my hands out in frustration.
"I don't know!"

I mellow quickly and sigh.
"I... I never had thoughts like that before..."

She smiles.
"That's okay. It's fine to not know. You just need to ask for help."

"I... I don't know what to do with them. All I know is that they made you uncomfortable."

"And my answer is no. Our brains have a habit of doing stupid things, and it's our job to deal with the consequences."

'Ask for help'... My new connection of thoughts instantly go into a weird - to me - direction and I blush brightly.

"I might not be comfortable that you see me this way... but there's nothing either of us should do about it."

"But... but..."

"At least, I'm not going to reach inside your mind and change who you are."

I try to say something and open my mouth. The words fail me, though, so I close it again. This process repeats a few times.
Eventually, I look down and ball my fists.
"... you are uncomfortable, and these strange thoughts are at fault. I cannot stand that..."

"Love and its attendants are... human. Powerfully, terrifyingly human, and they manifest in almost everyone in some form. I'm uncomfortable, but I absolutely will not ask you to do anything other than keep it unsaid. I do not care what people do to my hypothetical virginity as long as they don't describe it to me."
She blushes.
"I am mine, but the image of me in your head is yours. Everything in there is yours."

As she spells that out loud, I blush brightly. Well, even more so. Shouldn't there be a limit or something on how much I can blush? If this continues, I'm afraid my face will melt.

"Except for Nawx's things."

I slowly nod.
"...Okay... I think..."

I take a deep breath.
"I think I can do that."

"And as uncomfortable as I am with knowing that, you saw how afraid I was when I thought you took that freedom from me. I cannot ever consider doing that to you."

"Well, you wouldn't... but I get your point."

She smiles at me through searing cheeks.
"Good. I don't want you to compromise something so important to protect something so trivial."

"Trivial? Nothing about you is trivial!"

She has an unimpressed expression.
"We're talking about something that doesn't exist in the real world being extrapolated into a mental space and being analyzed from a comfortable distance. We couldn't get more trivial if we tried."

I slowly shake my head.
"But..."

I sigh.
"...I don't like thinking about you like that. It makes me feel... dirty. As if you deserve better, but I'm unable to do better."

"Well, if it helps, I ask no more of you than what you can do. It would be unfair of me to demand that you stop."

I sigh deeply.
"...I... suppose..."

I bury my face in my hands.
"Aargh..."

She smiles, though she continues to be somewhat flustered - powering through only because someone else is hurting.
"Just do what makes you happy, okay? You don't need to ask my approval to think about things in the future."

I blink, then blink again, my hyperactive mind catching something.
"Wait. 'Future'?"

"Other than that, I'm sure you'll eventually work something out between your... desire to consider me, and the accompanying sensation."
She nods.
"Yes. From now on, know that you don't need my permission to think about anything. Anything at all."

"Ah. Yes. Of course, that's how you meant it."
I deflate, somehow both relieved and disappointed.

She narrows her eyes.
"Xerath, did you think I said 'you don't need my permission to think about things that will happen in the future'?"

I glance away and scratch my still hot cheek.
"Am I that easy to read for you?"

"Because you don't need my permission for that either."

"Yes. But... to that statement were a bit more... uhm... implications..."

"Ah, yes."
She smirks.
"Implications."

I blush under her smirk.
"Yeah..."

"Do you feel better now, or worse?"

"It's... hard to tell, to be honest."
I draw a hand to my chin.
"Mainly, I just feel a huge ball of confusion. But other than that, I also feel relieved, so I think that I'm better off than before."

She gives me a gentle hug.
"Thank you."

I blink.
"Huh? For what?"

"For feeling better. For forgiving yourself. I know that's hard for some, so I'm glad my words were what you needed to feel just a little better."
She smiles.

I blush at her smile. It has no right to be so beautiful.
"Well... you're... welcome? I mean, if you say that it's okay... I really have no reason to further beat myself up over this, do I?"

"No, you don't. But having trouble accepting that no apology is needed is a sign of many other good traits, Xerath. You don't need to be ashamed that you were worried either."

"...well, I'm not exactly ashamed that I was worried... more of the thoughts themselves..."

"What about them, Xerath?"

"I... I feel like I'm doing you a disservice by having these thoughts. As if you deserve better. I feel... dirty thinking like that."

"Strive for the level of purity you desire, Xerath. Think about it. Whenever I think something is wrong, or that it is right, I try to think of why."
She smiles brightly, though still slightly flustered.
"I find that considering the things we find uncomfortable is one of the best ways to make progress. One of the things I seek is to create an environment where people can safely and comfortably pursue that introspection."

I nod slowly.
"Right... there's a reason I feel uncomfortable thinking like that, so I can find that one. And once it's identified, I can overcome it."

"Or maybe not. Maybe you do prefer that it's there, but until you find it, you don't know."

"Yeah."

"Until you understand why you feel so strangely dirty, you can't become clean, or accept that the dirt is not dirt but soil, within which new and beautiful things can grow within your mind. Whichever it is, it remaining dirt is not good for you."

I smile.
"Interesting metaphor. But you are right. Interestingly enough, that aligns somewhat with Sith teachings."

"Oh?"

"A Sith must always be aware of his or her emotions. Emotions are a Sith's strength, after all, so they focus on constantly reflecting on how they feel in a moment and why they feel so."

"Do the Jedi then... not seek an understanding of themselves?"

"Oh, they do, too. But they focus more on keeping themself in a balance. Like, a Sith tries to understand their emotions to draw strength from them, while a Jedi tries to understand them to better suppress them, I think."
I smile slightly, sadly.
"Heh. I suppose Quorian was right in that regard, then. I would have made a good Jedi, had I been found by them instead."

"Both of those don't sound right. Yes, you need to have a handle on your emotions, yes you draw strength from them, but they're a part of you."

"Yeah. As I said before, both the Jedi and Sith are flawed in different ways. The best you can do is probably follow the middle path - just like it once has been."

"I don't even think it's that. The right position is somewhere between them, but to say 'a middle path' is to acknowledge that the only places to go are towards either of those extremes."

I arc a brow at her.

"I don't think that's the case. If magic is truly encompassed by the Force, then it is more complicated than a single axis of belief that ranges between 'be angry and slaughter without mercy' and 'pretend to repress all emotion'."

"Of course."

"There is more to be learned here than simply defying a dichotomy and declaring a third choice."

I frown.
"'Simply', you say."

"Relatively."

"I agree with your sentiment, but your wording could have been better. Rest assured that I never agreed with neither the Sith teachings nor the Jedi practices. There is much more to... basically everything than their two extreme views."

"But tell me - haven't mixed Force teachings appeared from time to time?"

"Well, yeah. Anything that's not the Jedi and the Sith is more balanced in outlook, usually. It's just that the Jedi and Sith are by far the largest and most influential orders."

"Well, if I were to take the lessons of Esarian history and apply them to your galaxy, one of the most general trends is that ancient evils and corrupt regimes don't fall because of yet another contra social rebellion or ancient religion. They fall when someone does something that hasn't been tried in a while, or ever."

I just shrug.
"The Jedi and Sith, or rather the Republic and Empire, have basically been beaten by guys with better guns. That's most that there is to their current sorry state."

"How long has it been since someone had those kinds of guns?"

"Metaphorical, Leanna."

"Or tried the kind of kingdom that made them?"

"I didn't mean literal guns."

"My point stands."

"However, the Eternal Empire, led by Valkorion, had an ancient fleet, that for some reason was far more advanced than anything the Empire and Republic fielded. Stronger weapons and shields, faster sublight engines and hyperdrives, better sensors, stealth technology... They were completely outgeared."

"Why was that?"

"Why was what?"

"How could the dominant powers be so outmatched?"

"Because of that fleet. The Eternal Fleet. Something like them was unseen before. The fleet itself can be categorised as a superweapon. Add the fact that the dominant powers were exhausted from decades of constant warfare, and they quickly become overpowered."

"So, they were fighting for ages and their opponent was fresh, but why could the Eternal Fleet be considered a superweapon?"

"The Fleet... acts as one. I assume you have seafaring vessels, right?"

"Yes."

"They require lots of crewmates to be operated, I guess?"

"Quite a few. Those made for war typically need mages, too."

I nod.
"I don't quite know for what, but you'll have your applications for mages there. That is the same for us as well. Spaceships require large crews. Mechanics, navigators, pilots, marines, communication officers, and so on. There are between several hundred and several thousand people on a single ship, depending on size."

"I see."

"On a vessel of the Eternal Fleet, there is exactly one being."

"So they are logistically extremely efficient."

"A mechanical captain, that manages all the ships systems with uncanny efficiency. And further, all these captains are linked to one another, allowing the Fleet to act as one being - kind of like a hive mind."

"Like the entire ship is a Ymiran Spear."

"The thing that has an intelligence of its own, was it?"

"I can see that being very useful. And yes, those. Magical artefacts which are granted the Ymiran Weave and allowed to grow into full minds."

"The what now?"

"From the logic of spells can grow strange patterns. The Weave is a spell, designed to allow these patterns to grow and evolve. And from the Ymiran Weave comes intelligence, sapience."

I blink.
"You have... a spell... to create intelligent life?"

"Under certain conditions. I actually wrote on the Weave for my Field Study, though unfortunately I could not get access to an awakened item. It is a Wind Magic enchantment, after all."

I blink again.
"'Field study'? Why would you study a field?"

"What I needed to write before becoming a mage. I analyzed a mystery in the natural world, and added my findings to the body of knowledge Esaria has collected."

"I see... Interesting method. But from my findings... creating intelligent life with the Force alone should be impossible. It certainly is for me."

"Well, I am one of the youngest people versed on the subject, so ask away."

"How."

"Well, we still don't know exactly how it works at the basic level. However, when designing an object's enchantments, it has been common practice for over a thousand years to make sure each enchantment accounts for each other. My sword, for example, has a few dozen, and they are designed to talk to each other - sharing information and adjusting accordingly. In doing so, they are more able to perform the tasks they are set out to do."
She hands me the sword.
"One of the simplest interactions is between the featherweight charms and inertial lattice. Normally, magic lightens the blade through a series of wind, fire, and earth enchantments, whose purpose is to make the sword as light and as agile as a willow switch. The inertial lattice has the opposite task - to register when I commit to a blow and use earth and water magic to pour power into the sword."

I take her sword and glance it over, precisely identifying which enchantments she is talking about. I take a swing to test out their effectiveness.

"To have them both on the same weapon, however, makes no sense unless they can talk to each other, and tell each other what they're doing. In this case, the inertial lattice can tell the featherweights when it is committing to a strike, and so their reducing of weight is deactivated when the sword is at full speed and the lattice at full swing, thus producing a sword many times the effective weight moving at the same speed."

"I see. In my case, a Force user would do that manually."

I had analysed the enchantments before, and they indicated some command of the Force, but seeing the little connections that flow through the blade... there is artistry here, and the weapon responds brilliantly to my motion. It's as if it weighs no more than a lightsaber, but the moment I swing it, the weapon's enchantments shift, and as I reach top speed they click into a massive amount of inertia - the kind that Form V users use to crack through Cortosis - only to shift back as the blade completes its arc, never letting itself get out of control.

"Yes, well for us this is all very complicated."

"I can see that."
My expression is both impressed, and disapproving.

"More powerful weapons and tools might support thousands of enchantments like this, each committing their own connections, and weaving them together into a sensible way grows increasingly complex. To say I have nothing but respect for our spellsmiths is an understatement."

I hand the sword back to her.
"I see."

She sheathes it.
"Still, these complex types of magical machinery are in service of simple, understandable things. You don't need to understand the way tension builds in a bowstring to know that pulling back an arrow and letting go will send it flying, and you don't need to understand each connection between each enchantment to understand and get a feel for their overall effects."

"Maybe not. But those things are exactly the things I excel in."
I smile slightly.
"Why. Why is something the way it is? Why does that thing behave as such? As far as I can remember, I always wanted to learn such things. No matter what I looked at, I wanted to understand it. To learn how it works, why it works."

"Many featherweight enchantments exist in my sword, but I don't need to understand each one. They all inevitably sum to the sword being a certain amount lighter."
She smiles.
"But sometimes, when our tools get really complicated that stops being the case."

"And that is when this weave thing comes into play?"

"The first records of this phenomenon came in the form of 'cursed' and 'haunted' magical items. Complicated works of magic that had begun to act in ways that didn't line up with the way they were designed. Swords even lighter than they should be, torches that burned their bearers, picks that would crack only the rock around the ore. Study showed that as the mechanisms aged, they had begun to change - to become better at the things they were designed to do."

I arc a brow.
"But cracking the rock around the ore is what you want to do."

I shake my head, frown and crosses my arms.
"So, basically you're saying, that you add many small pools of magic to an object with different effects, and at some point, they start to get funky and eventually evolve into something intelligent?"

"I'm not done yet."

"My apologies. Do go on."

"There were a number of reactions to this. Many thought it was folly at the time - we had finally trodden on something sacred, and our precious tools were beginning to be warped by the powers we wielded. But I, personally, empathize with our dear friend Ymir Parvd, a research mage from Krezimar. He thought that we could and should try to go further. The strangeness in these objects came from a combination of age and complexity, so if one were to add a substantial amount of additional complexity, theoretically they could mature further than their current situations allowed. So he got permission from a kingdom still tied up in the massive three-way war for Esaria and looking for useful weapons and had five spears made. Each with the same enchantments. They would be his test subjects."

"So that's where that name comes from."

She nods.
"Indeed. He experimented with various kinds of enchantment, trying to find the right size, connectivity, and plasticity to work, as well as devising the magic they would need to move and speak of their own accord. It took years, but he found an enchantment that worked - it and its variants are known as the Ymiran Weave."

I continue to frown.

"It's almost poetic. In the first act of disobedience do we find the seeds of thought."
Noticing my frown, she looks at me.
"You have something to say?"

I nod.
"Don't get me wrong, that is impressive research and a fascinating subject. However... it just seems so wrong. Just pooling Force energy in one place - or object - does not make it sentient. That's not how it works. That's not how it should work."

"But that isn't how it happens. It's not the energy, but the way that it is connected, that creates life."

"Falls into the same thing. The Force had made it abundantly clear to me that it reigns supreme over the creation of life. So why does it allow that to happen here?"
I ball my fists.
"It doesn't make sense."

"What do you mean?"

"A mind. That which is unique to each person. That cannot be created by a Force user. Not even by me. Unless..."

"Life... is just energy, and its organized precession. A Ymiran Spear is not given life by the mages, but by the way the energy tangles over time."

I draw a hand to my chin.
"Unless they are more comparable to droids, and the connection of their enchantments is their programming..."

I then look directly at her.
"To be frank, that point of view is rather lacking."

"And that tangling is allowed to occur on a massive scale by the Weave. At no point are Ymiran Spears 'created'. We forge simple things, over time they might grow, and with care we allow them to continue growing."

I shake my head.
"You plant the seed for intelligence. Same thing."

"To cast the Weave upon an object is not to create life, but to acknowledge the life that has already taken root in the object since its creation."

"Yes. So your enchantments create the seed of life, which the Weave encourages to grow. That is the very definition of creating life."

"Then what of childbirth, or farming, or all manner of other things that are done with and without magic?"

"Plants do not hold intelligence. Aside from some very rare cases. Cases that cannot be replicated through the Force as well. And childbirth is the natural process. One that cannot be recreated through the Force as well."

"Have your societies not attempted to grow intelligences unnaturally?"

"Of course we have. Hence the conclusion that it is impossible. I mean, there are artificial intelligences - A.I.'s. The constructs we call droids. But on the largest part, they are not considered fully sapient."

She baulks.
"Why not?"

"Because they are simply programmed to behave a certain way."

"Are we not?"

"No. The differences between a person's mind and a droid are massive. Granted, there are few machines that show higher cognitive functions, and those I do consider sentient, but on the large scale, they are simple automatons."

"Y-your galaxy builds people that are intentionally beneath humans, and uses them for... what?"

"First, they aren't people. As for what they're used for... well, everything, really. Construction, farming, navigation, medical services, combat."

Her pace slows slightly.
"...are they really not people, or are they just forced not to show it?"

"They really are not people."

"And how aren't they alive?"

"They are machines. Tools. Tools running on electricity and a certain set of programmed commands. Although, in some cases, experts are discussing. Some droids exhibit behaviour fitting for sentience. But we are still unsure if it is simply their programming to imitate a human mind, or if they are true A.I.'s."

"Do you not consider autonomous tools to be alive?"

"No? Why should I?"

"Well, we do. My sword is alive, at least by our thinking."

Perhaps that might have something to do with it? If the Force forbade Terrans from creating life, by their own definitions of life enchantments would be impossible.

"It might not be intelligent, but it is alive."

I glance at it again.
"I would disagree. But I suppose that comes down to cultural differences."

She looks around, before finding and scooping up a small insect.
"Is this alive?"

"Yes?"

"Why?"

"Because it is an animal."

"Why is it an animal?"

"Because the Living Force flows through it, recognising it as a living being."

"So the only way something can be alive is if the mystical power of life itself flows through it. By what means does this Living Force choose what to flow through?"

"It generally flows through everything, to different degrees. But only living things - plants, animals, people - are recognised as living beings."
I point over to a rock.
"Or is that alive?"

"No. It doesn't react to its environment in any way not directly consistent with physics. It is inanimate."

"Ah, I see. That is your definition for life, then?"

"If I throw the rock, it goes through the air. If I throw the rock and then redirect it with wind magic, it will continue on the path I decided for it. If the rock bears something that allows it to decide to change its own direction, that is life, though it may be only the slightest amount."

"Exactly. And that is something that droids do not have. Aside from the exceptions that are being discussed. They are tools that follow exactly what they are told, in the way that they are told."

"Droids cannot internally decide to move based on nothing but an observation of their environment?"

"And your sword is pretty much the same, from what I can tell. No. They need some baseline order to be given."

"Then they perform no actions except when explicitly told to perform the exact action they are supposed to do?"

"Basically, yes."

"Each step forward they take, every precise motion, must be externally choreographed by a person? None of it is internalized in the droid?"

"Of course there is. That is part of the programming."

"So they can do nothing without a pilot to replicate?"

"Pilot? No. They have a computing core... Actually, I think it would be easier to just show you."

"The computing core is what is alive then?"

I snap, and a Sky Trooper manifests between us, standing at the ready.
"There is nothing alive about that, either."

She looks at it.
"So it cannot move without you puppeting it?"

"It cannot move without me giving the order to, yes."

"That's not the same thing."

"It is the same thing as your sword. Which I do not consider to be alive."

"Alright. I may not be able to convince you, but I can at least help you understand what I mean."
She picks up a rock and sets down the insect.
"This object has no will, correct? It had no say in being picked up."

"Correct."

Her manipulator begins to glow as she works an enchantment upon it.
"I am currently enchanting this rock so that it will float. Once the enchantment is done, it will no longer require my magic to sustain itself, and will perform its duties without input. This rock will assess the environment, and perform its task. More complex enchantments may assess human orders as part of the environment, but this is not required for an enchantment to be made. I will make no allowances for this in this rock."

When she is done, she releases the rock, and it floats along beside her.
"In doing so, I have imparted to it a kind of will. This enchanted rock will continue to perform its task even if all mages were to die someday, and its work were forgotten."

"Yes. But as much as it had no choice to be picked up, it had no choice to be enchanted. And now it also has no choice but to follow that task. So, what is your point?"

"Choice is not an essential ingredient in life. You did not choose to be born either, Xerath."

I look away.
"No. No, I didn't."

"None of us did. Nothing does. By the time you can, you have already begun to exist."
She touches the rock, and it bobs in the air.
"Lots of living things are very simple. Do eusocial insects choose to follow the directives of the queen and pheromones? When an ant follows a scent trail, is that a choice?"

"I assume that is debatable, but I'd lean to 'no'."

"Or at the periphery of our knowledge, does the cell choose to bring in resources?"

"No."

"And yet it is alive."

"Correct. In the broadest sense of the word."

"And this and your droid are also alive - in broader senses of the word."

I look at the droid, that I had given a signal to move with us earlier.
"I disagree."

"The constraint of the Living Force seems... artificial, to me. Arbitrary."

"Arbitrary, huh? Yeah, that sums up the Force pretty well. Just know that to me, the entire structure of your world and your magic seems rather artificial as well."

"Perhaps the difference is there. Magic, on Terra, is never arbitrary. There is always a reason, always a pattern, always more to learn."

"Yes. And I wonder why that is."

"The reason Wind magic can produce lightning, and that lightning can affect minds is because there is a connection between lightning and the mind."

"Correct. Our brains operate on something called bio-electricity."

She smiles.
"And all the other parts of magic have worked like this. Patterns are to be sought, symmetries learned."

"And yet our brains are not the only thing that makes up our minds."

"For example, five seems like an arbitrary number to some theoretical elementalists, and there are papers detailing potential methods to look for missing elemental magics. They search with the goal of either finding the underlying reason there are five elements, or finding that more exist."

"Without my intervention, that might take some centuries. Perhaps millennia. Unless it comes to shadow magic, of course."

"We are prepared to do what it takes to learn."

"Do not speak such bold words when you know they are not true."

"What do you mean? Why should we not be prepared to tear into the natural world to find its secrets."

"You already said that you turned away from the study of shadow magic. So do not say that you are prepared to 'do what it takes' to learn, as you already said that you exclude some things."

"No? I specifically mentioned that Shadow magic was being studied by a few mages in safe environments. It just isn't ready for public use, and won't be for a while."

"That is true. But you also said that most secrets of shadow magic require a kind of research you won't conduct."

"Not about Shadow magic, about the human mind. It's possible to practice on animals, it's just that what you learn isn't applicable to humans."

"Hm."

"So we are learning what we can about Shadow magic, and independent efforts are mapping the mind in more rigorous terms than Shadow adepts taught the traditional way could."

"I see. And yet, I wonder if you will ever find the Force with your current mentality. Also..."
I glance away and scratch my cheek.
"I want to apologise for my crass words right now. I concede that point."

She smiles.
"It's okay."

"It's just... I've often heard people claim that they would do 'whatever it takes', and then hesitate and fail in the most crucial moments. So, I have a dislike of people making bold statements like those and then not delivering."

"Odds are, it will take us a long time, but Venaeyans have a saying. 'The best time to plant a tree was ten years ago. The second best time is today.'"

"The ones with the desert?"

"Yes. Why?"

"...how can they plant trees in the desert? Unless there are some oases around, of course."

"Why couldn't they plant trees in irrigated areas?"

I blink.
"Riiight. That would work here."

"Does it not work on your worlds?"

"At least not on Tatooine, the world I grew up on."

"If you don't have plants, how do you breathe?"

"Well, there are plants. But not many. Like, they're scattered around a few zones on the planet where they're not completely scorched immediately."

"You can't have many people then, surely."

"Not really. Tatooine is really sparsely populated. I think Havengarde alone has more inhabitants than all of Tatooine."

"I see. Less populated seems weird to me. Havengarde is so much smaller than a planet..."

"It is. But Tatooine is really not known to be a planet with... anything, really. Also, I noticed that Terra is rather highly populated as well, according to my standards. But, yeah. That dustball I grew up on is as unimportant as it can get. It's far away from everything, has no tactical position, has only some natural resources, and is mostly known to be a place for outlaws and those, that want to get away from the war."

"I don't like places like that..."

"I don't, either. But, well, growing up under the Pykes... hasn't been too bad, all things considered. I know of slaves who got it much, much, much worse."

"Telling me how much worse it could've been doesn't make me feel better..."

"Well, it does make me feel better, at least. My childhood had been the best time in my life so far. By default, maybe, but still."

"That's something, I suppose..."

Meanwhile, the droid that has marched along with us vanishes again.
"Yeah."

I smile softly at her.
"You truly care."

She places a hand on my shoulder and gives me a gentle squeeze.

I lean into her touch, and my smile widens.

And so we continue to walk towards Illumia. Afternoon turns to evening.

I speak up again after some moments, gazing at the setting sun and glancing at Leanna.
"Leanna?"

"Yes?"

"Regarding our earlier topic... I do see your point regarding life. I understand it. However, I cannot accept it."
I look at her sadly.
"I simply cannot."

"Why is that, Xerath?"

"Life is something precious, something sacred. Something touched by the Force. That is why no Force user can create life artificially, not even I. At least not higher forms of life. So, to consider our tools and machinations to be alive... is not something we can do."
I cast my gaze down.
"And besides... I've... I've... already destroyed... so much life... if I had to consider all the droids... all the computers... as well... I don't... I can't."

She pulls me into a hug.
"Oh..."

I scramble to cast an illusion and cling on to her, soaking up her embrace like a parched man drinks water.
That she holds me tells me of her forgiveness. Comfort surrounds me as best it can as Leanna slowly works her magic.
I hold her tightly, silently trembling in her grasp as unbidden memories pop up.
But her continued hold on me calms me down. Her presence alone grounding me already. Soon enough, my trembling stops again, and my breathing evens out.
Her ministrations never cease, slowly draining the pain in my heart with hope.
"... You are such a wonderful person, Leanna. That you can even accept someone like me..."

"Shh. Don't doubt love, just accept it."
Her hand moves through my hair, sweeping gently across my face.

I lean into her touch again.
Then, my eyes widen.
"Wait- wait a moment! 'Love'?"

She blinks.
"Yes. Why?"

"Do you... do you love me?"

"What made you think I didn't?"

I look at her completely lost and confused.
"Huh?"

"Oh no, have I not been doing enough?"

"But... but... huh?"

"Oh... you thought I meant I was... ready for things... ...I'm sorry..."

A disappointed clarity sweeps over my face.
"Ah. So I misinterpreted your meaning. I'm sorry."

I still am somewhat confused, however.
"But even so... how... how do you mean that?"

"I have love for you, Xerath. Care and affection and worry and more. Did you think I'd be able to do this for someone I didn't have some love for?"

"Well... you do love every living being - I can feel that. But..."
I shake my head.
"I'm sorry... I shouldn't get greedy... You are already doing so much for me, I mustn't expect more."

She scratches my head.
"I do what I can."

"Krrrrrkrrrrr... It is much appreciated, Leanna. I love you."

She smiles broadly at that, slowly beginning to heat up.

I smile up at her as well, with a kind of warmth and affection that I think has rarely been directed towards her so far. Aside from me, that is.
So it is not long before she warms to that most beautiful temperature, and I can do nothing but hold her close.
I nuzzle into her shoulder again, having fallen back to float the two of us once more.
"So comfortable..."

She is so close, so good... and yet still with so much seemingly untapped potential. I idly wonder what it would take to draw that potential out. But just being held by her like this quickly melts my thoughts away.

"I feel like I ask if you're feeling better a lot, but are you?"

I nod against her.
"I am. And, well, to be fair, the fact that I allow my emotions to shine through so much also means that I am... not exactly stable regarding my emotional state."

"Well... perhaps it's just that you've found someone to trust with them."

"Exactly."

She gently rubs my cheek.
"I am thankful for that trust."

I lean into her hand again.
"Even though I want to show you... my good sides, how admirable I can be... I also don't mind showing you my vulnerabilities, for I know you would never hurt me. Or, well, at least not intentionally."

She smiles blindingly.

I can only blush at that sight.
"... so beautiful..."

I settle my head on her shoulder again.
"You're the best thing that has happened to my life, Leanna. And... I hope that I can be at least a fraction of as supportive to you as you are to me."

"I would like that. You deserve to be strong enough to support someone."

"And you deserve to be supported."
Then, I wince.
"But way to hammer in my mental weakness..."

She squeezes me tighter.
"Shh... it's alright. I don't fault you for being hurt by what you've been through."

"Well, I mean, if anything, my willpower is incredibly strong. That I still manage to function despite the plethora of traumata I suffered..."

"It's good that you lasted long enough for your fortunes to change."

"Yeah. I think so, too."
I squeeze her a bit.

"So, for now, what do you need?"

I blink.
"What?"

"What do you need me to do to be happy? I take requests."

My cheeks heat up.
"I need you. I need your love... I think. I... uhm... try to make do with what you're willing to give to me... but I... uhm... notice just how starved of affection I really am..."

"Well, there might be some things I just haven't thought of yet."

"Huh?"

"Things that would help you that I haven't done only because I haven't thought of them."

"Yeah, I got that. But what things?"

"You tell me. I haven't thought of them."

I blink.
"Then what makes you think I would know of them? I'm not exactly... versed in these kinds of things. Like, at all."

"Alright, I suppose I'll need to think."
She taps her chin.
"Hmmm..."

I glance up at her, captivated.
"...cute..."

"Well, you seem to enjoy contact, so I do have an idea. Do you think you could lean us backwards?"

"Uhm. Of course. But how?"

"We'll float along lying down instead of upright."

"Okay? Yeah, no problem."
I do as she described, a gentle, invisible force floating us along, rotating us onto our backs.
"So, what now?"

Leanna is now on top of me, gravity pulling us together. She is warm, radiant, and beautiful, smiling at me from just above.
"Now? Nothing. We just enjoy, and see if I was right."

I blink up at her, surprised, then gradually begin to blush.
"Uhm... but... you... me... uuhh..."

I quickly turn beet red as that position flusters me to no end.
Her hair falls over my body like a golden waterfall, almost restricting my vision to just Leanna.
That doesn't make it easier for my darting eyes to escape her, as I desperately try to fight off the weird thoughts that encroach upon me.
My whole body tenses again as I struggle with myself.
"Are... uhm... are you... err... sure... this is... uhm... right...?"

"I'm mostly guessing, but I was fairly certain it would bring us closer together. Since you like that, I thought it made sense."

My face is riddled with embarrassment, confusion and insecurity.
"I... uhm... don-don't... know..."

"What is it?"
She frowns.
"Is this too much?"

"...weird thoughts..."

"Oh?"

"...I... well... it... uhm... it is... rather overwhelming... for certain..."
I gaze up at her into her eyes, my face as red as a tomato.
"...not fair..."

"Xerath... you have to tell me what I can do to help. Do you want to stop?"

"I... don't know..."
I tilt my face away from her and take a deep breath.
"This... feels incredible. But... maybe just a bit too much so. These... weird thoughts I had earlier... about you... return again... due to this position... And..."

I glance back up at her.
"...and that you lie atop of me like this is no fair..."

"Oh, I'm sorry. But why is it not fair?"

I gaze into her eyes, then my eyes drift down to her lips.
"You are... so close... and every instinct tells me... to kiss you... but I mustn't..."

"Oh..."
She quickly heats to scarlet.
"I hadn't... expected so much of a difference..."

I blink.
"'Difference'?"

"Between this and the earlier position."

"Well... our earlier position... is a sideways hug. I'm not left with nothing but your perfect face in my field of view, unlike now."

Her blush increases.

"Do you... want to... get off?"
I ask hesitantly, no really wanting that myself - not fully.

"If it helps you... I don't have a problem with this."

"Well... I...uhm... I like this very much. Though perhaps too much... It... uhh..."
I shake my head.
"No, you asked that I kept my thoughts to myself regarding this."

She moves a hand to my hair, slowly scritching me.
I relax slightly, and that chittering sound she likes so much resounds from my throat. I remain very tense and very flushed, however.

"Someday, I hope you don't have to worry about these things anymore."

"Huh?"
I blink, confused.

She smiles at me.
"One way or another, you won't need to be embarrassed one day."

"I... don't think I get it..."

She smirks.
"You will."

I sigh.
"Very helpful."

I hesitatingly move my arms.
"So... uhm... can I... hug you... too?"

She smiles.
"Of course you can."

I snake my arms around her, still making painstakingly sure to remain respectful. Nevertheless, I hug her close.
"This... is nice... And... I wonder... if this... may be a... a taste for the future... our future..."

"Well, at the very least; this is always on offer."

I smile.
"So cruel."

I close my eyes and finally relax a bit more.
"Torment of the best kind, truly."

"Perhaps. I wish I could offer more, but, well..."

I shake my head.
"You do not share these feelings I have. That's okay. It hurts, it's confusing me to no end, but it's not your fault. It's okay."

She gazes into my eyes, blue candles flickering with emotion.
"It will get better."

As I feel her gaze upon me, I open my eyes as well to return it. I am instantly captivated.
"How do you know? I certainly won't fall out of love with you, that much I know."

"Did you ever fall out of love with Kory?"

"No."

"You have plenty of love, Xerath - we all do. If I can't, I'll find you someone who can."

I shake my head.
"There won't be anyone else but you. And if you find yourself unable to return my feelings, then that will be the end of it, I think."

"It really hurts that you believe that... like you're some monster that only someone beyond a mother in their care could care for you."

I shake my head.
"I think you misunderstand me here."

She blinks.

"I meant that I will never be able to move on from you."

"...!"
A sound of surprise.

"Although the chances of someone else falling in love with me are rather slim as well, yes."
I look up at her with a raised eyebrow.
"Hm? Is something the matter? You made a really adorable sound just now."

She is blushing up a storm.
"You... won't be able to move on from me?"

"No. As I said, I will never fall out of love with you, that much I know. I only am able to - begrudgingly - move on from Kory because I - begrudgingly - accepted the fact I will never see her again. So, unless the same were to happen to you, I don't think that I will ever be able to love someone else in the same way. And even if that were to happen, that would bring a whole set of other problems with it."

Tears well up and she closes her eyes.

I instantly worry.
"Oh no. Did I say something wrong, Leanna?"

She squeezes me tightly.
"I'm sorry. I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry... I didn't want to tie you down to a maybe..."

I blink in surprise.
"No need to apologise, Leanna. You did nothing wrong."

I hold her gently, stroking her back and combing her hair.
"Even if it will end with a 'no' from you - what I sincerely don't hope for - I will accept it. I accept your decisions and your emotions, however they are right now and how they might change."

"But what will happen to you..."

"However... even if I would accept a 'no' from you, I will never leave you, never stop loving you. Me? Well... I think I would have to find a different way to c- live, then. Probably going back to burying me in my work as the saviour of worlds, or something."

"To what? What were you going to say?"

I glance away.
"'Cope'."

She only pulls me closer.

"I told you before, that I always say things that I mean exactly as I say them. So, whenever I complimented you, whenever I told you how unique you are, how deep our bond is - at least from my side - that were no exaggerations, nor empty words. I feel a fundamentally deep connection with you. Something I only felt with Kory before. I don't know if you believe in such concepts, but I could use words like 'soulmate' and 'love of my life' to describe you. The fact that I had to travel from my galaxy to an entirely different one just to feel like that again since Kory... I think that speaks volumes of just how important you are to me, and how rare your presence is to me."
I smile.
"Many people go their whole life without meeting 'the one' for them, and I had the fortune to meet two such people. In that regard, I am incredibly lucky. So, I am rather sure that I will not stumble upon a third."

"..."

I hold her reassuringly, brushing her gloriously golden hair gently.
"I love you, Leanna."

Then, I begin to worry due to her silence.
"Oh no... I overdid it, didn't I? You told me not to come on too strong..."

She slowly shakes her head, sadness stricken in her movement.
"No. It's good that I heard that."

I hurt at the sight.
"You don't look the part, though. How can something be good when it saddens you?"

"It's good to know some things that make you sad, so they don't surprise you later."

"I suppose that's fair enough."
My worry does not lessen.
"Then, what saddens you such? Is it something I can help you with?"

"That I might not be able to give you what you need."

"Well, that is only natural, is it not? Just because I feel a certain way about you, does not mean that you will feel the same way about me. That is just a part of feelings. And neither are you required to return my feelings or anything."

"But I want you to be happy..."

I lovingly cup her cheek.
"I am already happy to have you in my life."

She closes her eyes and takes a breath.

"Anything more would be like a bonus. However, if... uhm... if you feel bad about the prospect of not... returning my feelings... I could offer you some meditation techniques to sort out your emotions."

"That might help. Thank you."

I smile.
"You're welcome. Anything for you. I mean, it was only thanks to my Sith training that I could identify my emotions for you so quickly. Would you... want to start right now, perhaps?"

"Sure."

"Then... uhm... you gotta get off me, first."

"Oh."
She cleanly stands up.

I feel both relieved and disappointed.
"Well, how much experience do you have with meditation?"

"Not really."

"Alright, no problem. The first step is to sit down in a comfortable position, and to just relax. Don't worry about moving, I will take care of that. Some people focus on their breathing, some think about pleasant memories or other things they're fond of. Whatever helps you relax, really."

She slowly eases into a meditative state. Her breathing slows and her focus sharpens.
To help her out, I shift the feelings of the telekinetic floating as well. Before, it was always like a soft cloud of gentleness and care where she floated upon, but now, it just feels as if she were sitting on the ground - like soft grass.
"Very good. Exactly like that. Now, you want to think about the object that gives you trouble, the feelings you're not certain about. Imagine them as foreign objects, and you look at them through a clear lens. The goal is to identify just why things are confusing you, and how they interlock with everything else. I found it easiest to look at them from an outside perspective."

Her light shifts. A bubble separates from the overall mass, and tendrils from the main light begin to explore the smaller bubble of light.

I blink.
"Wow, you're a natural."

She is silent, and the bubble is slowly, carefully dissected. Pieces are weighed and compared, measurements are taken, as she times the flow in her heart.

I remember I wanted to meditate myself some time today. But to do that now or later...
No. Leanna trusts me with instructing her, so even if she seems to have gotten the hang of it, I will watch over her. I will not slack off and disappoint that trust.

For about an hour, she analyzes it.
"As I thought."

"Hm?"

"It's worry. I feel bad about potentially not being able to help you because not helping you will really hurt you, even if you'll have to acknowledge my choice."

"Well, obviously it would hurt me."
I smile softly at her.
"At the very least, I am very proud of you. You did incredibly well."

She returns my smile.
"Well, I had a good teacher."

I blush and scratch my cheek.
"I haven't done all that much, though..."

She stands back up.
"You did plenty. Regardless, we'll be at Illumia in a short while."

I nod.
"We will, yes. Want me to set you down and dispel the illusion, then?"

"Sounds good."

I nod again and do exactly as said.
"So, how do you feel now?"

"Not better, but a little more aware."

"Well, that's at least a start."

She nods.

"Is there... something else I can do to help? I... I hate to see you so dejected."

"Be very caring and cute and handsome so I can share your feelings? The thing you were already trying to do?"
She grins mischievously.
"Although I suppose I wouldn't mind you waiting on me hand and foot."

I narrow my eyes.
"'Waiting on you hand and foot'? What exactly do you mean?"

"A bad joke. You don't need to do anything you aren't already doing."

I nod, relieved.
"Okay. Good."

I look rather serious.
"Because I bow to none."

She smiles at me.
"Do no more than what makes you happy."

I nod once more.
"Of course. But other than that, I will do my best to fulfil your every wish. Whatever you desire, you only need to ask."

"Oh! Uhhh... huh."

I smile at her lovingly and warmly.

She can only shrink slightly and blush under my gaze.

I blink and falter.
"Am I... making you uncomfortable again?"

"...yes. I... didn't expect that response. My... not even a request... was a joke. And you said you didn't want to do it, but then that you would...? What?"

"Not quite. I will not bow. I kneel to none. But other than that, whatever your wish is, I shall fulfil it."

"Uhhh..."

I smile softly, apologetic.
"My apologies. I do not mean to make you uncomfortable, or to overwhelm you. It's just... you're like a gift that keeps on giving, and I wish I could give you something back in return, so I won't feel like I'm taking advantage of your kindness or something. And, unfortunately, I don't know many ways to do so..."

"Well... I guess I'm not really sure how to respond to an offer like that..."
She thinks a second.
"Perhaps... yes, I can do that. When I think of something that could make our day happier, then I'll remember this, okay?"

"Of course."
I nod.
"Whenever I can do something for you, you only need to ask."

I smile softly.
"That was the same offer you gave to me, right? Well, the sentiment is mutual."

"Well, I'm sorry if I treated your offer a bit differently, mister 'I can alter matter and energy based on arbitrary whims'."

I smirk.
"Yes. I have a... few more options in that regard."

"I suppose you do. I might have a few ideas, but I think you'll want to learn a bit more about Terran magic before you execute on them."

I arc a brow with interest.
"Oh?"

"My interesting challenge from earlier is still available. I'd like you to make a sword somewhat in the Terran style - when you are ready."

"I see."

"From what I know of you, the gift of a challenge would be a great one. So once you know of our techniques, forge the finest sword you can. I'm sure it will be marvellous."

I smile.
"I do not know why everyone seems to think I like challenges, but yes, once I know your techniques, I am sure I will be able to replicate them in perfection."

She blinks.
"You don't like challenges?"

I shrug.
"My life is challenge enough."

"Well, I rescind my request then."

I shake my head.
"Nah, it's alright. I'm interested in your industrial applications of magic as well as your forge processes anyways. And then creating the best sword for you this world has ever seen would seem fitting for the best woman and Mage-Knight this world has ever seen."

She smiles.
"Alright, good. I hope it will not be too arduous for you."

"The impossibility for me right now lies in my lack of knowledge in the processes involved. Once I know them, I am confident that I will be able to replicate them. But.. yeah. Everyone around me seems to constantly assume that I like challenges. Is it because I generally make everything look easy? I don't know."

"You are the sort to seek out new knowledge wherever it can be found. That sort is usually competitive."

I blink.
"Huh? How so?"

"Well, knowledge is usually either sought for its own sake or for an end - to create something. To strive to create something that you cannot currently create usually takes a particular kind of person."

I tilt my head curiously at her.
"What kind of person?"

"A kind that wants to challenge something. At least on Terra, research mages are made up mostly of individuals who are driven to seek mysteries, to challenge the universe itself - poke it in the eye until it gives up its secrets. Even if they don't always show it, they are passionate people - as am I."

"Huh..."

"And once those secrets are obtained, they build something with them, do something noteworthy, taking the great challenge of building something that has never been built before."

"Huh. Well, I never had such great plans. I just... want to know things, I guess. The building things with that knowledge part came later with time, and expectations."

"Then you are of the other breed. To seek knowledge in order to know is... noble, I think."

I blink.
"Noble? How so?"

"It is a simple desire - one of mere wanting the blinders on your vision stripped away. I, unfortunately, can't teach you what goes into making transteel, or the many enchantments that go into our weapons - even if I can teach you some of the secrets of Wind magic augmentations. For that we will need books, and experts."

I nod.
"Yes, I figured as much. I'd have to consult forge masters and the likes. And if they would even impart their knowledge with an outsider... such an Outlander like myself is questionable."
I chuckle slightly at the joke she won't get.

"I'm sure you could find someone. Our methods aren't a secret, unlike the more... enigmatic species of the world."

"Like the dwarfes and these proxians?"

"Yes, them. Our techniques are not used by the elves because they require a large industrial complex, and aren't used by the dwarves because they dislike magic. And neither the Proxians nor the Grotkin have set foot on our lands, the former due to their distance and the latter because they would not survive their visit to the kingdoms."

"Grotkin?"

"A less-technologically inclined species that is a rival to the dwarves for their control of the mountains on the eastern continent of... well, the two have different names for it, but we use the Commonized literation of the dwarven one: Calzadin."

"I see."
I blink.
"A rival species in the mountains east of here? Are they maybe this large population I felt?"

I shake my head.
"Anyways, why wouldn't they survive here? Is the climate so hostile to them?"

"The Grotkin are primarily known for being a simultaneously excellent and terrible warrior race. They breed faster than any other civilized species and have the militaristic culture down, but lack the technical acumen to match the dwarves in the crafting of weapons of war. They are thus many, but fragile. As a result, the mountains have been in a mostly-continuous state of carnage for a... long time."

"I see... But why wouldn't they survive here?"

"Because we would kill them. We sent envoys, but they were attacked. The grotkin have made their intentions for the world very clear, and it will be many decades before we can convince them otherwise."

"So, their intentions are to wage war?"

"Their use of magic is one of the reasons for the dwarven disdain for it. You recall that use of magic permanently marks the land?"

"Yeah? If used enough, or something like that, right?"

"Yes. The grotkin favour a kind of terraforming spell that warps the land to their liking - and no one else's."

I frown and cross my arms.
"They sound like a pest more than anything else."

"I hesitantly agree with you. Their inclinations are... extremely unfortunate."

"Do you believe a consensus with them can ever be reached?"
I draw my hand to my chin, a certain scheming glint in my eye.

"Perhaps it could be, but not now, and not soon. Especially not with the dwarves watching. They are... very spiteful, and the grotkin have killed enough of them to fill a large tome with names."

"I... see..."
I have a dark smile on my lips.

"You're thinking of something, Xerath. What is it."

"I'm just musing. About a theoretically possible future."

"What future?"

"One where I rule this world as well."
I shrug.
"Or one I help to build bridges between Esaria and the dwarves."

I chuckle darkly.
"Neither of those futures look very good for those 'grotkin'."

I clear my throat and return to normal.
"Ahem. Be that as it may, they would require some observation before I pass any judgement."

"Is it because you care, or because you think they might be useful?"

"Because I care, and think they might be a danger. But before I know more about them, I will only observe and see for myself. I cannot eradicate a species on one person's word alone - even if it's yours. Well, technically, I could, but I will not."

"Good. I wouldn't ask that of you anyways. But my question wasn't a trick - if the grotkin cannot be properly integrated into a society, it may still be possible to make a place for them - one they would appreciate."

"Warlike societies are fickle to deal with. The Mandalorians, for example, have a rather... difficult relationship with others, because they are generally seen as loudmouthed warriors that attack anyone they can as a test of strength. Most do not see them as the honour-bound warriors they really are. They are still rational individuals, even if they prefer a martial lifestyle. But these grotkin? I don't know yet, but if they wage war for the sake of waging war... even carving a place for them might not be enough for them. Thus, I will observe them for now, and pass my judgement eventually."

She nods.
"And besides, they primarily scavenge. Given sufficient technological progress, they should cease to be a meaningful threat."

"Or become an even worse one. I will not repeat the mistake of the Kwa."

"Hmm?"

"The Kwa are an ancient species in my galaxy. They are extinct for aeons, yet some of their relics remain. They are infamous for their fancy of uplifting primitive species, gifting them with knowledge and technology they wouldn't possess otherwise for millennia. It mostly led to good things, like their collecting Force-sensitive people and bringing them to Tython, which led to the creation of the Je'daii Order. But on the other hand, they also were responsible for their own demise by uplifting a certain species known as the Rakata."

"That's not what I meant. As our weapons grow more advanced, there is less that is useful that they can get from them. While the dwarves have steadily expanded upon their war-making capabilities since the start of the war, the grotkin have not - even when exposed to superior dwarven firepower, they have only ever shown the ability to utilize captured weapons until they break."

I shrug.
"So what? All it would take is one traitor to show them the ways of the new weapons."

"That has been done."

"That reminds me of something my Jedi friends told me, from when they were padawans themselves. But, yeah, never underestimate a primitive, warlike species. Otherwise, you may wake up to a nasty surprise."

"I do not underestimate them. People have tried to teach them how to improve their weapons before."

"But why?"
I shake my head.
"Nah. Right. Bad people doing bad stuff."

"I'm not sure, but it has been done."

I nod.
"Right. Given that the dwarves are still standing, I assume that wasn't that successful."

"No, they weren't. Disaffected dwarves occasionally try to teach them to make steel, or gunpowder, or what have you. Last I checked, they still use bronze, and gunpowder is for heating melee weapons before a fight."

"Huh."

"Ranged weapons are dumb dwarf things."

"Heh. Well, still, underestimating them could be a fatal mistake. I've heard first-hand reports of something rather similar happening before."

"The most recent one is recorded as saying that the dumb dwarf things kill millions of grot. His response was translated as 'yeah, so?'"

"So they don't care about other members of their species as well? Hm, I suppose that is a side effect for every species that reproduces fast enough..."

"That dwarven siege engines are some of the most powerful weapons in the world is irrelevant to the grotkin. They are dumb dwarf things, and that is final. As a result, it is generally acknowledged that outside technological progress will not affect them. Internal magical progress is still monitored, but our scouts have gotten tired of making sure that their weapons are still made with the same dirty bronze."

"Huh. So, not only violent and without compassion for their fellow people, but also ignorant as well. But even so... On the ancient Jedi homeworld of Tython, there is a native species of primitives. They similarly reside in the mountains and keep attacking the settlements across the planet. Generally not the Jedi, though. However, during the time I began my training on Korriban, some prodigal Jedi likewise began their training on Tython. And they told me that just as they arrived, reports came in that these savage primitives - called Flesh Raiders - were attacking the Jedi training grounds - with blasters. Jedi padawans, especially those still fresh in training, are not fit to fight. It was supposedly quite the bloodbath until help arrived."

"That's awful..."

"Turned out that a fallen Jedi supplied the Flesh Raiders with stolen Republic weaponry and posed as their god or something, turning them into his personal army. He wanted to show the order how weak they have become or something. He eventually was stopped and brought back to the Temple by Legonir and Destra, who were later renown as the Heroes of Tython - for something else - and Battlemasters of the Order. They are now two of my friends and advisers in my council."

"Interesting. Still, I can't help but feel that given their previous performance grotkin cannot be taught to use blasters correctly either."

"Nobody could have seen that coming, and it caught them completely flatfooted for it. I'd hate to see such a thing happening again."
I shrug in response to her second sentence.
"Perhaps. But it is always better to remain cautious and prepared."

"Indeed. We are watching them - studying their version of magic has value - and will notice if they begin to employ strange new weapons."

"Do you have sufficient long-range information transmission?"

"Which means?"

"How do you know here fast enough if something with them changes?"

"We'll know in a few weeks. It's across an ocean, after all."

"Yes. But what is the failsafe in case your scouts get captured? Because, as I was told, the Jedi were keeping tabs on the Flesh Raiders as well, but the fallen Jedi cut off all signals with a jammer before the attack and captured or killed all scouts that followed them."

"Each of them has a Spark: a crystal which can easily be destroyed to let out a strong burst of elemental energy."

"Which would be picked up by sensors here?"

"Yes."

"I see. And what if the scouts won't get so far? If they get ambushed and killed outright?"

"Sparks are easy to destroy - the act of getting into a fight is enough."

"Well, you don't need to get into a fight to get killed. An unseen blade from the shadows, an arrow from the back... Y'know, ambushes."

"Oh, so the body falls to the ground and the Spark breaks because it wasn't between the body and the ground."

"And if they fall softly, or get caught?"

"Grotkin are fairly consistent in their response to Sparks. They were designed with enemies like them in mind. Grotkin universally break shiny gemstones upon their discovery. Even by grotkin to whom it was explained their function."

"I see. And if, say, a Shadow Mage were to take control of them?"

She sighs.
"Even to grotkin who were told the stone will explode violently if they break it..."

"So, are those crystals suicide options for the scouts then? Kind of a last resort thing?"

"Not really. The crystals don't explode, but during the trials, it was imperative to determine the conditions under which a grot wouldn't break a crystal. The researchers were unable to do this."

"Huh."

"There are no known conditions under which grotkin will not eventually break a crystal in their possession."

"I don't like to repeat myself, but if, say, a Shadow mage were to control them?"

"That's uncertain. Firstly, though, Shadow magic is finicky. Training on humans is not applicable to any other species, so our prospective Shadow mage would need extended access to grotkin test subjects to learn the nuances of their minds. Secondly, it is uncertain whether a Shadow mage will be able to effect certain changes. Outside of total puppeting, you may have noticed that Shadow magic has limitations. Targets become highly prone to mental suggestions, but these suggestions are based on already existing core mental features. As far as we can tell 'break shiny things' seems to be a core mental feature across their species."

"Huh."

"Finally, the main danger of a grotkin horde is the horde part. Controlling Shadow magic becomes more and more difficult the more creatures you intend to control at once."

"That's true."

"Not to mention that raising the dead is just generally more effective."

"But total control may not be necessary for a skilled mage to lead the horde in the direction they'd desire. Maybe, but also more obvious."

"You've clearly never seen a grotkin horde then."

"Yes, I haven't."

"They are highly obvious, and not centralized."

"However, if, say, I were a wanted shadow mage and war criminal from thirty years ago... and would want to continue our plans, I'd go at it in a way that doesn't raise suspicion. Going to faraway lands and influence a primitive society long enough until they do my bidding would be such a thing."

"Commanding a few dozen grot with one or two? Doable. Commanding the millions you need to be a threat with a theoretical limit of thirty direct influencers? Impossible."

I shrug.
"Well, in my galaxy, everyone thought it impossible that a whole planet could be mind-controlled by one individual, until Vitiate went ahead and did it."

"Shadow magic is more cleanly defined. Have you noticed anyone like Vitiate here?"

"No. As a matter of fact, I assume that your system of magic produces more mages, but likely less individually powerful ones. However, if there were a mage powerful like Vitiate or myself, the chances are that I wouldn't notice them."

"Yes. Therefore, one mage is not going to be able to do worrisome things to the grotkin. It would take hundreds."
She then blinks.
"Wait, you wouldn't?"

I shake my head.
"People on that level can suppress their presence so that they won't get detected."

I arc a brow.
"Or have you felt any power radiating off me so far?"

"Well, not here, and no. The most skilled mages aren't on anyone's sights until they cast something. That's just how it is for everyone, though."

"Right. You can't see your presences yet. However, if you reach a power sufficient enough, your very presence can subconsciously influence those around you."

"Shadow magic is known to have several shrouding spells, but each results in a considerable elemental flash. So generally speaking, you can't hide big magic."

"Hm. Perhaps not by your methods, that may be right."

"And people tend to use our methods here on Terra."

"Heh. Fair enough."

She nods.

"Alright, I concede. Even so, though, you've got to be ready for every possibility. That is one of the reasons I am where I am today. And just because something is thought of as impossible, doesn't mean that no one will go ahead and just do it anyways. I did that often enough to know what I'm talking about."

She smiles.
"Of course."

I return it.
"Alright. Just something to keep in mind."

I then look up ahead.
"So, we'll arrive at the capitol soon, hm?"

"Yes. We shouldn't be long."

"Yeah. I can feel it ahead."
I close my eyes and relax a bit.
"Ahh... have I mentioned that it is really relaxing to travel like this? No stress... no need to hurry... it's rather pleasant."

"That it is."

I incline my head towards her.
"And having the best possible companion helps plenty as well."

She smiles at me.
"I'm glad you think so."

I return her smile and grow silent, just basking in the amicable atmosphere between us.

---

A/N: So, another little side note I wanted to add. I had the idea of Pykes on Tatooine long before Book of Boba even came out, I didn't steal that from them. I was actually very surprised and very hyped to see them on that dustball.