With the initial worry over this newly-hatched relationship out of the way, the Easter holiday progresses at a stately pace. I step reluctantly into my usual home routine of feeling suffocated by parental control and engaging in bickering contests with my Mum. A family friend's 50th birthday in early April provides a few hours of entertainment, and almost daily banter with Al gives me life-support, but other than that, it's a humdrum blend of frustration, mere existence and mind-crushing revision. Saffron, Judith, Veronica and I send each other sporadic WhatsApp messages, and I correspond with Yoshi once, but make the mistake of asking him a simple anatomy question, which leads to feelings of extreme inadequacy when I receive a completely incomprehensible essay in reply. I really should have asked Al instead, but I don't want him to realise what a dim girlfriend he seems to have acquired. It's better if my natural stupidity stays under wraps for now and I let him down gently over time.
Eventually, after five long weeks, the Easter break gives way to a new term. Dad, ever dutiful chauffeur, drives me to Cambridge on Monday, the day before term officially starts. At first, desperate to escape Mum's micromanaging, and frantic to see Al again, I tried to persuade Dad to take me back on Sunday. However, Mum was adamant she needed the car all weekend (it sat idly on our drive practically the whole time apart from one poxy supermarket visit), and then Al informed me that he wouldn't be coming back until late on Monday night anyway due to work commitments. I wasn't actually aware that filing was such a demanding career, but by then I was feeling so fucked off, I simply accepted Al's excuse and resigned myself to my fate.
Dad has just dropped me and my luggage off at the foot of Staircase K in college, leaving me with the arduous task of carting everything up two floors. In fairness, it wasn't that he didn't offer to help; more that I dismissed him almost immediately as I didn't want him hanging around and making pointless remarks about our college chapel being so much smaller than King's. Which has now backfired spectacularly, because my bags are heavy, oddly-shaped and keep swinging annoyingly against my back with every stride, and it fucking well serves me right for being a bitch. To distract myself from the pain as I tote the burden to my room, I focus on the memory of my beautiful boyfriend and his molten honey voice. Tomorrow cannot come quickly enough.
The first person I encounter as I set a weary foot in our corridor is Gabriela, who takes a scrutinising look at my face, immediately puts two and two together, and somehow, miraculously, arrives at four.
Her forehead furrows appraisingly, the corner of her mouth teasing into a smile. "So what's his name, then?"
How the fuck does Gabriela know?
I stare in astonishment at my apparently psychic friend as I take a moment to find my larynx and some suitable words with which to reply. "Is it that obvious, Gabi? Or have you been fucking spying on me?"
"Sunny, you're grinning like the Cheshire Cat for absolutely no reason whatsoever. I'd say it was pretty obvious, yes. Is he someone from home?"
I briefly shake my head at her question as she flings her arms around my neck in her usual welcoming way. My bags drop to the floor with a thump and one tips over sideways, letting loose two tins of tomato soup, which roll across the corridor to noisily acquaint themselves with a piece of skirting board.
"So, are you going to volunteer anything about him, or do I have to get you extremely drunk first, hey?"
"Oh Hell, no! Got to go easy on the booze this term, Gabi. At least, until the dreaded 'E' words are over."
"Fair enough. So, what's his name? Vital statistics? Star sign?"
"Al; tall, gorgeous, oh-my-God-his arms! Green eyes, very dark hair; dunno," I reply, bending down to retrieve my runaway soup cans. "Birthday is the beginning of February, whatever that makes him."
"Ooh, Aquarius, I think! Good match for you, little Leo."
"You're as bonkers as my Mum."
"Oh, has she already matched you with him?"
"Has she fuck! Why would I tell her anything about my life when she keeps her own family secrets?"
"Well, I can't wait to meet him. Maybe we could double date some time - you and this Al, me and Marcus?"
"Sure, why not?" I reply happily, relieved that things still seem to be going well with Gabriela and her dishy PhD student. "I only hope he meets with your approval."
Gabriela smiles benignly, as though any boyfriend of mine is a friend of hers, but I'm being serious. I really hope she likes Al, because if our relationship lasts, she'll be seeing a Hell of a lot of him next year when we're sharing a house.
The rest of the day passes amicably; once I've unpacked, Gabriela and I head to the refectory for an early dinner and a chat. I send Al a couple of texts but receive nothing in return, which doesn't bother me too much; he had mentioned that the mobile network signal at his workplace was absolutely diabolical. I'll be finally seeing him for real in less than twenty-four hours.
It's hard to concentrate on revision during the evening as there's always so much socialising and catching up to do in college after a holiday, but being well-informed on the gossip front won't get me through this arduous term, so I put my head down and just get on with it. In the end, I manage a couple of hours solid studying, and decide to call it a night before I fall asleep at my desk and drool all over my pathology diagrams.
The first thing I do when I wake up at seven o'clock the next morning is peer through my curtains and inspect the weather. It looks rather misty, but hopeful, as though the spring sunshine will eventually disperse the grey. I have a few hours before I need to be anywhere in particular, but time is not a luxury I can waste at present. Reluctantly, I drag myself out of bed.
There's only a ten o'clock lecture and an anatomy session in the dissection hall after lunch on my schedule, but the long gap is there to be filled with studying. I'm in turmoil; aware that I have to knuckle down to revision, but also yearning for some non-study time with Al, because I haven't seen him for over five weeks and naturally, I'm desperate to reconnect. Which launches me into a moment of panic as I arrive on campus and head straight for my usual lecture theatre spot: what if things are awkward between us?
Supposing this relationship is all in my head and not in his? I mean; he didn't reply to my text until after ten last night, and then it was a cursory message of "Just got back, see you tomorrow x". Is it a warning of things to come? He's losing interest and retreating rapidly? Giving me the cold shoulder? Dropping me like a hot brick?
Ugh. I really don't want to be that hot brick.
As it turns out, my fears are groundless. I'm just settling into my seat when Al, closely followed by Orla, pushes through the lecture theatre doors. Immediately, Al directs his gaze in my direction and his eyebrows dip slightly in the happy way that they do when he's found what he's looking for. He flashes me a bright smile.
On his way past our row, Al stretches out a hand to lightly ruffle my hair. It's an affectionate, understated gesture, and I'm suddenly grateful to him for not making a big show of things in front of everyone. Orla pretends I'm not there and stares stonily ahead as she descends the steps. I catch Al's fingers in mine and let them slip through as he carries on walking. He stops briefly to say 'Hi' to Yoshi and Leonard, then takes up his current preferred seat next to Orla.
Saffron turns to me in astonishment, dark eyebrows almost disappearing into her hairline.
"Oh my GOD, Sunny! Is he…are you two?…No! You're not! Really?"
I bite my lip, trying to hide a grin. "Really."
"Finally," says Judith casually, poring over her notes with a smug grin. "Did something happen after I left the pub on that Friday at the end of last term?"
I nod, tongue-tied, unwilling to reveal the personal aspects of the evening, especially not in the presence of Yoshi and Leonard, who are sitting in front of us as usual. True, their attention is focused elsewhere at present, but I can't guarantee they won't suddenly find our topic of conversation very fascinating indeed, and I'm not sure I'm quite ready for Leonard's boundless enthusiasm just yet.
"Wow! Does Al know what he's in for?" Saffron asks wonderingly. "Very brave of him to take you on, especially now."
"Whatever do you mean?!" I retort, taken aback by her insinuation. "What am I - some kind of monster waiting to happen?"
"Well…how can I put this delicately? Umm, Jude? Help me out here, please."
"This is your hole to dig, Saff. Leave me out of it," mutters Judith, shaking her head and focusing on a chart in her handbook.
"Go on, Saff," I say, flexing my fingers threateningly. "What exactly do you mean by 'take me on now'?"
"It's just that, well, this is exam term, and you know how… tetchy you got last year," says Saffron hesitantly. "And second year exams are worse than last year's. I mean, I love you to bits, Sunny, but, you know…"
"Tetchy? I am NOT fucking tetchy!" I shriek. "Okay. I got a little stressed last year. Exams are stressful! But, you know, you could be fucking happy for me instead of giving me more reasons to doubt myself. It's bad enough that Al's way out of my league as it is."
"No he's not out of your league," says Judith firmly, laying a hand on top of mine, which is trembling slightly. "And Saff, I think you owe Sunny an apology. That was out of order."
"I meant it as a joke," whines Saffron. "Honestly Sunny, I was just taking the piss, that's all. I'm sorry. You know I wouldn't hurt you on purpose. And I'm ecstatic for you! Really I am! But you do suffer from exam rage."
"Well, I don't find it funny," I respond primly. "I find it a bit hurtful, actually. And yeah; exams freak me out. You don't need to tell me something I already know."
The trouble is, there's a lot of truth in Saffron's words. Exams bring out a side of me that would unnerve Satan. I can't seem to help myself.
"I get super anxious at exam time too," says Judith comfortingly. "Exercise is my stress-buster. Proper meals and plenty of sleep really helps too."
"Oh God, exams," groans Veronica, as she slides into the seat next to mine, cutting it fine as there's only a few minutes before the lecture is due to begin. "I never feel as though I've prepared enough."
"Actually, I don't mind exams," chirps Leonard irritatingly, turning around to join in our chat.
"Not even these ones, Lenbot?" Yoshi interjects incredulously. "Usually, I quite enjoy exams, but this year, we have seventeen crammed into a fortnight! It's too much for anyone to cope with. I'm feeling woefully underprepared at present." He rubs a hand through his dark hair then readjusts his glasses nervously.
"If Yoshi is panicking, what hope do the rest of us have?"
"Last year, nearly all of the second-year medics at my college had some kind of breakdown," says Veronica gloomily.
"Yes, but that's because you're at Christ's college, who are super anal about topping the Tompkins league table every year," says Leonard, rolling his eyes. "We take things at a slower pace in Selwyn. We totes don't care if we're sitting sixth, or sixteenth, or languishing in twenty-ninth place on the chart."
I can feel my anxiety levels rising out of control. "Guys? Can we please not discuss this any more?"
"But Sunny-sugarplum, you passed with flying colours last year! You'll be fine," says Leonard soothingly.
"I'm with Lenny; they're just exams, for fuck's sake," says Saffron. "Like anyone will care what marks we got in second year once we're actual Doctors! Focus on the bigger picture, people."
"Yes, but we need to take it a step at a time, otherwise we won't fucking get to the bigger picture, will we?"
"Will everyone just stop?" I moan, shoving my head into my hands.
"Anyone for a coffee?"
Leonard's voice interrupts me just as I'm still frantically scribbling down the lecturer's final sentence, causing me to momentarily forget how it was supposed to end. Frowning, I look up, and seeing that he's about to open his mouth again, I raise an irritated hand to shush him, keeping him silent until I've recalled the exact wording and applied a full-stop.
"Permission to speak, Your Honour," says Leonard with an eye-roll, once I've lowered my palm. "Honestly, Candyfloss, this is a recap lecture! You've heard it all before."
"Some of us need to keep our noses to the grindstone," I mutter darkly. "I can't endure a repeat of last year; almost failing Physiology nearly killed me."
"Nearly killed us too," grumbles Saffron.
"So; coffee, yeah?"
"I've got a half-past eleven supervision at college and a fuckton of study to catch up on," yawns Veronica, getting to her feet. "Sorry, Lenny. Another time, maybe."
"Ronnie - wait. I'm going back to college too. I'll walk with you," says Judith, grabbing her bag. "Bye, guys."
"Yoshi? Sunny?"
I check my watch. Two minutes to eleven. That's three hours before this afternoon's dissection class. I should be devoting at least two hours to revision between now and then, and reading some anatomy notes in preparation for later, so as not to waste the self-assessment opportunities during the scheduled practical session. And I'd really love to spend some time alone with Al too. That's if he's got time to spare, obviously.
"Maybe I should head to the library instead," I say reluctantly. "I'd like a coffee, but…"
"Then have one, silly!" Saffron sounds exasperated. "Al, are you joining us? Say 'Yes', then your girlfriend might stop being such a nob and have a coffee like she wants to, but for some reason won't."
Al, who is just at this moment approaching our row with Orla and on his way to the auditorium exit, pauses. I can feel my face heating up like a beacon and my body stiffening like a corpse at the mention of being 'Al's girlfriend'. We never discussed about this - us - being common knowledge, and fuck only knows how Orla is taking this revelation. I can only assume it's going down terribly, as she carries on marching out of the lecture theatre, leaving an imaginary trail of ice-maiden crystals and unspoken profanities behind her.
"Girlfriend?" Leonard coos, as the theatre door slams shut, signalling Orla's exit. "Aww, that's awesome! You two little doughnuts are so cute together!"
Yoshi doesn't say anything at first, but glances in my direction and raises an eyebrow questioningly. Instinctively, I know he's silently asking me if I'm comfortable with this announcement, rather than casting aspersions on the whole 'Al and I' thing. I give him a small, discreet shrug.
"Coffee AND doughnuts!" Saffron claps her hands. "Great idea! Let's go to that café on King's Parade, the one that makes those amazing chocolate Berliners."
"I'm afraid I'm bowing out of this get-together. Sorry guys," says Yoshi after a moment's consideration. "Why don't we arrange to meet up tomorrow instead? There aren't any lectures scheduled, so we should be able to find a time that suits everyone. I'll send a WhatsApp group message in a bit, shall I?"
"Good idea," I reply, seeing as no-one else is going to acknowledge Yoshi's suggestion. "Let's all meet up tomorrow instead."
"Okay. I'll see you in anatomy later," says Yoshi, exchanging a quick smile with Al and punching Leonard's arm on his way out.
"Chocolate Berliners, Sunny! Go on, you know you want to." Saffron says enticingly, playing on my sweet-tooth weakness. "Honestly, they are to die for."
"Al?" Leonard simpers and bats his wispy blonde eyelashes theatrically. "Yay or Nay?"
"I dunno," Al replies, before running splayed fingers through his hair and turning to face me. A gentle smile graces his lips - his very, very kissable lips - and he tips his head slightly to one side. "Sunny? What are you doing for the rest of this morning?"
You, please. I push the thought to the lower gutter of my mind, where it belongs. Revision is what I should be wanting to do.
"Come on, Lenny, let's go and have cake," says Saffron, tugging at Leonard's coat sleeve and rolling her eyes. "I think these two love-birds have forgotten us already."
Leonard faux-pouts at us both before winking suggestively. "We'll be in the King's Parade café if you decide to join us," he trills, as he follows Saffron out of the theatre. The door swings shut behind them, leaving Al and I still facing each other in this now almost empty room.
"So…plans?"
"I suppose I should use this free time productively," I reply, parroting one of my Dad's favourite sayings. "Exams aren't that far away. But…"
"Relaxation is necessary for stress management and productivity," says Al softly, incorrectly finishing off my unspoken sentence. He lays his arms over my shoulders and encages me in the virtual space under his chin, where it's warm and smells bloody gorgeous, as he carries on with his sermon. "And so is nutrition. Do you want to join Saff and Lenny for coffee, or go somewhere else, or would you rather I fuck the fuck off whilst you bury your nose in a text-book for a few hours? Up to you."
I can't help laughing. How does Al know me so well already?
"What would you choose, Al?"
"I'd definitely opt for you, in the New Museums café, without any educational aids whatsoever."
"I really ought to do some…"
"It's not a crime to take breaks."
"I know that. It's just that I almost failed a module last year and I'm pretty keen not to repeat the experience. Seventeen exams, Al! Fucking Hell…"
"Sunny, you're talking yourself into a frenzy," says Al calmly, still holding me hostage beneath his forearms. "Forget what happened last year."
"It's okay for you; I bet you couldn't help yourself from getting double-starred Firsts in every subject last year! Pembroke college must be falling over itself trying to present you with awards for excellence."
"Do I detect a hint of bitterness?"
"Yes."
"I think your blood sugar level is crashing, sweetheart. Definite cake deficiency that needs immediate attention. No arguing - come on."
"So what did you get in your exams last year?"
"Umm…"
"Above ninety percent average?"
"Well actually…"
"Yes?"
"I'll tell you later. Over coffee and cake."
"For fuck's sake, okay."
"How incredible is this?"
Al and I pause underneath an enormous finback whale skeleton which is suspended from the ceiling in the museum foyer. Not only have I been coerced into wasting time drinking coffee and scoffing chocolate cake, we've taken a tour of the zoological exhibits too.
I'm not really complaining, by the way. Perusing this remarkable collection with Al is highly relaxing and very enjoyable. I can almost feel my worries ebb away with every step we take, and some of the items on display are quite fascinating. Like this colossal creature hanging above our heads in front of the exit.
"Amazing, isn't it? 70ft long! Over-whale-mingly huge."
"Did you crack that terrible pun on porpoise? Or was it a fluke?"
"Ah come on, Sunny; I'm krilling it here."
"You're making me want to fucking blubber."
In response, Al swiftly wraps his arms around me and pulls me close, pinning me to his chest, apparently just for the purpose of laughing loudly right in my ear. I snake around, poke his dimple and pepper his jawline with kisses before wriggling out of his grip and checking my wristwatch, feeling a vague pang of guilt as I register the time.
"What's up?"
"It's twenty past twelve," I sigh, reaching for Al's hand and threading my fingers through his as we walk out of the museum together. "I really should get on with some work, I suppose."
"Nearly lunch-time. Not that I'm particularly hungry after that cake, but I might pop back to college, grab some fruit from the refectory and make a start on my neurology essay. Do you want me to get you anything?"
"Nah, it's okay. I'll be in the library for at least an hour prepping for this afternoon's practical, and the librarian turns into a fucking tiger if anyone brings food within a mile of the place. Don't think I dare risk it, not even with fruit."
Al laughs softly and reaches out to tuck a stray bit of fringe behind my ear. "Yeah, it's not worth it over an apple." He pauses for a moment before continuing, his sincere gaze meeting mine and melting my insides in the process. "I don't suppose you fancy sharing a pizza this evening, do you? There's a really nice Sicilian restaurant on Rose Crescent that does an amazing pesto and spinach sourdough pizza…"
"Oh - do you mean Enzo's? I love their food! Sounds perfect to me."
"Great." He grins, looking buoyed. "Should we say about six-ish? Or would you rather make it later and get some more studying in beforehand?"
"Six o'clock is absolutely fine," I say, rushing to reassure him. "Any later and I'll be fucking hangry."
"I guess I better go write this essay if we're dining out later."
I reach up to plant a kiss on his soft, warm lips, which he returns with affection. "And I really have to head to the library now. I'll see you in the dissection hall at two."
With extreme reluctance, I tear myself away from Al and make my way to the library, the echoes of his voice and fragrance and touch playing over and over in my mind as I go.