CMC – By Sapadu, and why as of 23-Jan-2023, this fic is dead

I apologize for how late this note is, how long it's been since I've even updated, and all of this drama.

As though this is a matter of national importance or even terribly big for many people. But I feel it important to at least say this formally, if only for the one person who might be very invested in seeing this, whoever you are.

So, the first couple reasons why I will not be continuing this story are pretty generic to probably any fanfic writer, but there is a very serious and important reason that I do feel necessary to address – especially because it's connected to a political issue that is very present and serious (so, if you read this and get upset that I'm 'getting political' – this story was a Star Wars version of The Count of Monte Cristo. How did you miss the political stuff that's been OVERT up until now?)

For starters, I started writing this in 2007 when I was in college. I had more time and energy, and obviously I had very different viewpoints and ideas. I've mentioned in the 'rewrite' note, my style changed radically, I picked up different influences, and the entire story itself had a different plot and tone. If I were to start writing it, in entirety today – as in, completely from the ground up and not just as a rewrite from a previously started story – I'd say it wouldn't even be the same story. It'd probably pass the 'ship of Theseus' test for most readers, even. But, since I'm now nearly two decades older, in a different situation in my life, and with far less time or energy, I can't even keep up with how I change and shift. It's also worth saying that part of why my style changed also had to do with some life events – I had a five-year friendship and 'collaboration' with someone, which took up so much of my time and focus that literally drained the story out of me. (I am still very bitter about that entire time of my life, but I also do not want to give anyone the impression that there's a 'villain' in that story, which is why I'm also not giving any identification for this person. And please don't try to find out – do not harass this person, either) and I also relocated, changed careers, and, most notably, finally got some medical treatment that I've gone without for my entire adult life.

I'd also be remiss if I didn't mention the big issues in the outside world that happened in that time period – different political administrations in the White House, protests against financial corruption and police violence, and obviously the pandemic of 2020. This wasn't the ONLY thing that changed my ideas... but it definitely put it on the fast-track in a way that other, less severe events might have accelerated such changes.

But... the biggest issue has to do with the nature of the story. One of the biggest driving forces of the plot, even from the beginning, was the identity of who the CMC was – hell, I even pushed it as a big mystery and teased early readers with hints to figure it out... and it's important to say that part of it involved the fact that the CMC is a character who is male, dressing up as a woman (at different points, I played with whether they would be using Human Replica Droids, or genetically altered clones, or just be in their original body and dressing up... and, I also could never decide if this character was non-binary, genuinely trying to transition from male to female, or just a dude dressing as a woman in order to stay safe from people looking for their male identity. Like I said – a LOT of different ideas for plot and theme and tone over the course of several years) And, since there's a lot of the plot hinging on the CMC having an interest in Ben Skywalker (who is a CHILD) – regardless of the actual reasons, no matter how sympathetic I tried to write this character or the logical point behind what their whole plot was... I even tried thinking of how I could add in ACTUAL trans characters, as a contrast to this character who was only ambiguously trans... except, considering how many transphobic tropes were just intrinsically tied into this plot and the character, I just could not extract the core of the story from that problem.

Hopefully, I don't need to explain WHY that's bad (if you want to leave reviews or comments about how it's not bad, actually – I'm glad that you don't agree with me, and I'll go further to say that I don't want you as a reader. Why are you even here? Get out of my house.) but, when I started writing in the late 00s, I was a much, much, MUCH stupider (and more sheltered – I wasn't even aware of other portrayals of trans-coded characters in media, or what those coded tropes were) and thought that it would actually be cool, or shocking, or somehow original. And, as I've grown, I have learned... slowly... except I really should have known better. And, ever since 2017, the situation for trans people has gotten WAY WORSE, and that should have been the point at which I understood this entire premise was unacceptable. And I still didn't.

And THAT is especially unacceptable. I'm super late to this party, and there's really no good excuse for this. The best I can do is own up to it, and stop writing this story. I cannot go forward with it, I cannot finish it – in any form.

So – for those of you whom are still reading, and are still hoping for more of this story, I am sorry. But this is no longer going to be continuing. If you're still hungry for Star Wars content, I'm up on tumblr posting a fanfic that's a crossover with Steven Universe (and has actual positive representation of multiple queer characters with NO qualifiers of 'well, but they're not REALLY [x] because...') and hopefully I'll be able to continue writing stories in this fandom... both the Legends EU and the Disney-verse (Rey is GOAT and The Last Jedi is the best Star Wars movie of all, fight me!) but for this...

I must bid you all adieu, Madames et Monsieurs. Bonsoir.