Disclaimer: I Don't own Doctor Who that goes to the BBC
A few weeks later, the Tardis materialized in a park.
"No, Rose, Amy, it's definitely not the fifth moon of Sinda Callista. I think I can see a Ryman's," the Doctor told Amy and Rose as he looked out the Tardis as he opened the Tardis's door and exited the Tardis when suddenly there was a blast from inside the Tardis and the Doctor was knocked to the ground, "Rose! Amy!" The Tardis then dematerializes on its own.
The Tardis spiraled out of control as wires sparked as Amy and Rose pulled themselves up.
"Rose, look at this," Amy said as she showed Rose the Tardis's monitor after she looked at it.
"Theta, it says we're on Earth, Essex, Cholchester," Rose told her husband and the Tardis stopped shaking as both Rose and Amy realized that the Doctor wasn't there.
"Doctor?! It's taking off again. Doctor, can you hear us?" Amy said as she tried talking to him.
The Doctor looked at where the Tardis used to be, "Rose! Amy…"
"Don't worry, Amy. Me and the Doctor have a telepathic bond, I'll try contacting him," Rose told Amy before she tried to contact her husband with their bond, 'Theta, can you hear me?'
'Arkytior? Thank Rassilon you're all right,' he said, answering her, 'Is Amy safe?'
'Yes Amy is safe,' she answered, 'I've tried landing the Tardis at separate coordinates but to no avail. Do you know what's happening?'
'I have a feeling what's happening but I'm not sure if it's true or not,' he answered.
'So, what do you suspect is happening?' She asked him.
'I suspect that someone is building their own Tardis,' he answered.
'But how is that possible when Tardises are grown, not built,' Rose said with confusion.
'I'm not sure but I have a plan that involves the postcard that Amy will create in the future,' he answered.
One day later, the Doctor was walking towards a house with two floors and clicked the house's door bell a few times.
"I love you!" He heard a man with light brown hair say as they opened the door and was stunned to see the Doctor on his doorstep, now wearing an earpiece on his left ear.
"Well, that's good, 'cause I'm your new lodger. Do you know, this is going to be easier than I expected!" The Doctor said as he took the keys that the man was holding from him.
"But I only just put the advert up today, I didn't put my address," the man said with confusion.
"Well, aren't you lucky I came along? More lucky than you know," the Doctor told him as he looked up at him, "Less of a young professional, more of an ancient amateur, but frankly I'm an absolute dream."
"Hang on, mate, I don't know if I want you staying, and give me back those keys, you can't have those!" The Man said, flustered as he took the keys back from him.
"Yes, quite right. Have some rent," the Doctor said as he handed him a small paper bag and
he opened the bag to see it was filled with cash notes, "That's probably quite a lot, isn't it? Looks like a lot. Is it a lot? I can never tell." The Doctor then steps past the man into the house with the man following, closing the door as the lights upstairs flickered, "Don't spend it all on sweets. Unless you like sweets. I like sweets. Ooh," he then gave the man a Gallic air kiss, "That's how we greet each other nowadays, isn't it? I'm the Doctor. Well, they call me the Doctor, I don't know why. I call me the Doctor too. Still don't know why."
"Craig Owens," the man introduced himself, "The Doctor?"
"Yep," he answered before looking at the door upstairs, "Who lives upstairs?"
"Just some bloke," Craig answered.
"What does he look like?" The Doctor asked.
"Normal. He's very quiet," Craig answered when suddenly there was a loud bang from above, "Usually. Sorry, who are you again? Hello?!"
"Excuse me?" Craig said as he followed the Doctor into his flat's kitchen as the Doctor went straight to the corner with stain on the ceiling.
"Ah! I suppose that's...dry rot?" The Doctor surmised.
"Or damp. Or mildew," Craig suggested.
"Or none of the above," the Doctor told him.
"I'll get someone to fix it," Craig told him
"No, I'll fix it. I'm good at fixing rot. Call me the Rotmeister," he joked, "No, I'm the Doctor, don't call me the Rotmeister. This is the most beautiful parlour I have ever seen, you're obviously a man of impeccable taste." He then sat on the countertop, "I can stay, Craig, can't I? Say I can."
"You haven't even seen the room," Craig told him.
"The room?" The Doctor asked.
"Your room," Craig explained.
"My room? Oh, yes, my room, my room," the Doctor said, "Take me to my room!"
"Yeah, this is Mark's old room. He owns the place, moved out about a month ago. An uncle he'd never even heard of died and left a load of money," Craig told the Doctor as he opens the door to his room as the Doctor patted the end of his bed.
"How very convenient," the Doctor muttered, "This'll do just right. In fact…" they then suddenly heard more noise from above, "No time to lose. I'll take it. Ah...you'll want to see my credentials." He took out his Psychic Paper and kept switching it, "There...National Insurance number... NHS number... References..."
"Is that a reference from the Archbishop of Canterbury?" Craig asked him.
"I'm his special favourite," he answered before he put a finger to his lips, "Are you hungry? I'm hungry."
"I haven't got anything in," Craig told him as they left the bedroom.
As the Doctor reentered the Kitchen, he raided the fridge and cabinets, and cracked on egg and placed the yolk onto a pan as he placed it on the stove, "You've got everything I need for an omelette fines herbes! Pour deux!" He then began to cook as he saw a picture of a light skinned girl with blonde hair, "So who's the girl on the fridge?"
"My friend. Sophie," he answered.
"Girlfriend?" She asked him.
"A friend who is a girl," he answered, "There's nothing going on."
"Ah, that's completely normal. Works for me," the Doctor told him.
"We met at work about a year ago at the call centre," Craig told him.
"Oh, really, a communications exchange?" The Doctor asked, "That could be handy."
"Firm's going down though," Craig told him "The bosses are using a totally rubbish business model. I know what they should do, I got a plan all worked out, but I'm just a phone drone, I can't go running in saying I know best. Why am I telling you this? I don't even know you."
"I've got one of those faces. People never stop blurting out their plans while I'm around," the Doctor answered.
"Right, where's your stuff?" Craig asked the Time Lord.
"Don't worry, it'll materialise, if all goes to plan," the Doctor answered.
Back at the park, the Tardis attempted to materialize as Amy was frustrated with the controls and the TARDIS in general, "Oh, which one, which one?! No! Why won't you land?!"
"Don't blame the Tardis, Amy. Some outside force is preventing her from landing fully," Rose said as she helped her with the controls as it dematerialized.
"Oh, that was incredible!" Craig said as he sat on a sofa next to a chair that looked like a sofa which the Doctor sat on as they finished their eggs, "That was absolutely brilliant. Where did you learn to cook?"
"Paris, in the 18th century," he answered, "No, hang on, that's not recent, is it? 17th? No, no, no, 20th. Sorry, I'm not used to doing them in the right order."
"Has anyone ever told you that you're a bit weird?" Craig asked the Time Lord.
"They never really stop," he answered, "Ever been to Paris, Craig?"
"Nah, I can't see the point of Paris. I'm not much of a traveller," Craig answered.
"I can tell from your sofa," the Doctor told him.
"My sofa?" Craig said with confusion.
"You're starting to look like it," the Doctor explained.
"Thanks, mate, that's lovely! No, I like it here," Craig laughed as he fondled the keychain, "I'd miss it, I'd miss…"
"Those keys?" The Doctor noted.
"What?" Craig asked.
"You're sort of... fondling them," he told him.
"I'm holding them," Craig said as he placed them on the sofa's arm.
"Right," the Doctor muttered.
"Anyway…" Craig said as he got up and walked to a table by the door and fished out a set of keys, "these... These are your keys."
"I can stay?" The Doctor asked as he met him halfway.
"Yeah, you're weird and you can cook, it's good enough for me," Craig told him before holding up each key, "Right, outdoor, front door, your door."
"My door. My place. My gaff," the Doctor said as he took the keys, "Ha-ha! Yes! Me with a key."
"And listen, Mark and I, we had an arrangement where if you ever need me out of your hair, just give me a shout, OK?" Craig told him before winking.
"Why would I want that?" The Doctor asked as he winked back.
"In case you want to bring someone round. A girlfriend or... a boyfriend?" Craig explained.
"Oh, I already have a wife," the Doctor told him, "Her name is Rose."
"Then where is she and why isn't she with you?" Craig asked him.
"It's complicated," the Doctor answered, "By the way, that... the rot. I've got the strangest feeling we shouldn't touch it," he then left the room.
Later, the Doctor flopped on his bed with his communicator blinking in his ear, "Earth to Pond and Arkytior, Earth to Pond and Arkytior."
"Come in, Pond and Arkytior," the Doctor said over the Tardis's speaker as Rose grabbed the speaker.
"Doctor, Amy's been worried about you!" Rose said into the microphone.
The Doctor winces at the feedback from Rose's voice.
"Sorry, Doctor!" Rose apologized.
"Could you not wreck my new earpiece, Arkytior?" He asked his wife.
"How's the Tardis coping?" He asked her.
"She's still stuck in a materialization loop," Rose answered, "Want to talk to Amy?"
"Actually I do, yes," he answered as Rose handed the microphone to Amy.
"What's this materialization loop that Rose mentioned?" Amy asked him.
"A materialization loop is when a Tardis tries to land but can't," he explained.
"And whatever's stopping her is upstairs in that flat. So go upstairs and sort it!" Amy urged him.
"I don't know for certain what it is yet!" He said as he sat up and stood on his bed, "Anything that can stop the TARDIS from landing is big, scary big!"
"Wait...are you scared?" Amy asked him.
"..Orange juice, eocenes Arbuckle, rare tarantula on the table, ooh!" The Doctor told her, "I can't go up there until I know what it is and how to deal with it! It is vital that this 'man' upstairs doesn't realise who and what I am." He then bounced on the bed and smiled, "So no sonicking. No advanced technology. I can only use this," he tapped on his earpiece, "'cause we're on scramble." He then jumped to the floor, "To anyone else hearing this conversation, we're talking absolute gibberish. Practical eruption in chicken. Descartes Lombardy spiral. All I've got to do is pass as an ordinary human being. Simple. What could possibly go wrong?" He then puts on sunglasses.
"Have you seen you?" Amy asked him over his earpiece.
"So you're just going to be snide? No helpful hints?" He asked as he looked at himself in a mirror.
"Hmm, well, here's one...bow tie, get rid!" Amy said as she picked up the Doctor's stethoscope and snapped the earpieces together, causing Rose to giggle.
"Bow ties are cool," he told her as he placed his sunglasses in his pocket, "Come on, Amy, I'm a normal bloke, tell me what normal blokes do."
"They watch telly, they play football…" Amy began to say
"They go down the pub," Amy finished.
"I could do those things! I don't, but I could!" He said as he flipped through a book when suddenly there was a crashing sound from above on the floor above them, "Hang on. Wait, wait, wait! Amy?! Rose?!"
Screaming, Amy and Rose both grabbed onto the console as the Tardis shook again.
The hands of the clocks in the Doctor's room inside Craig's flat began spinning back and forth before looking at his watch and saw the same thing, "Interesting. Localised time loop."
"Ow! What's all that?" Amy asked.
"Time distortion. Whatever's happening upstairs, is still affecting you. But I want to speak with Rose so can you hand the microphone back to my wife?"
Amy screams again as the Tardis lurches, "It's stopped...ish!" She said before handing the microphone back to Rose.
"Doctor, is your end good?" Rose asked her husband.
"Yes, it is, Arkytior," he answered.
"So should I have Amy use the zigzag plotter on full?" She asked him.
"Yeah, you should, Arkytior," he answered.
"Amy, use the zigzag plotter on full, it'll protect us," Rose told Amy, who did just that, but didn't do anything, she then spoke into the microphone, "Doctor, something's wrong, Amy pulled the zigzag plotter but didn't do anything."
"Is she standing with the door behind her?" He asked her.
"Yeah she is," Rose answered, "Should I have her move two feet to her right and try again?"
"Yeah, you should," he answered.
"Amy, take two steps to your right and try again," Rose instructed Amy and she does just that and the grating sound from the Tardis eases as Amy sighed in relief as Rose spoke back into the microphone, "We're okay."
"Oh. Now, I must not use my sonic," he said as he put a polo stick or scooter on the bed as he searched through items in his room, "I've got work to do, need to pick up a few items." He then walked out of the room.
A while later, the Doctor walked backwards towards the house, pulling a shopping trolley. The trolley was filled with odds and ends while in the distance, he heard a cat meowing, "Ssh! Don't get comfortable!" He then pulls the house keys from his pocket and unlocks the front door.
The next day, Craig was standing outside the bathroom as the Doctor was taking a shower and was singing nonsense to the tune of La Donna è Mobile before Craig knocked on the door, "Doctor!"
"Hello?!" The Doctor replied.
"How long are you going to be in there?" Craig asked him.
"Oh, sorry, I like a good soak!" He told him when they suddenly heard a loud banging from above.
"What the hell was that?" Craig asked as he looked up.
"What did you say?" The Doctor asked.
"I'm just going to go upstairs, see if he's OK," Craig told the Doctor.
"Sorry?" The Doctor asked as he peeked around the curtain, "What did you say? Craig?"
He then went to grab a towel but slipped on the bathroom floor as he got out of the shower.
The Doctor sat up on the floor, soap in his eyes as he went to grab his sonic screwdriver,
"No choice...it's sonicking time." Blinded by the soap, he reaches for the sonic screwdriver but grabs a toothbrush instead. He then ran out of the bathroom. The towel wrapped around his waist slipped to the floor, "Oops!" He picked up the towel and ran out as he put the tower back over his waist.
The Doctor ran into the front hall and aimed what he believes to be his screwdriver up the stairs, "What happened, what's going on?"
"Is that my toothbrush?" Craig asked him.
"Correct," he answered, "You spoke to the man upstairs?"
"Yeah," Craig answered.
"What did he look like?" The Doctor asked him.
"More normal than you do at the moment, mate," he answered, "What are you doing?"
"I thought you might be in trouble," the Doctor answered.
"Thanks! Well if I ever am, you can come and save me with my toothbrush," Craig said as he chuckled before his phone rang and walked away as he went to answer it as the Doctor cautiously climbed the stairs as Sophie entered and saw the Doctor.
"Ooh! Hello?" Sophie said.
"Ah! Hello! The Doctor," the Doctor introduced himself as he walked back down the stairs, "Right. You must be Sophie."
"Mm-hm," she answered as he gave her a Gallic air kiss like he gave Craig the previous day, "Oh...oh!" With a last look upstairs, the Doctor reentered the flat.
"No, Dom's in Malta, there's nobody around. Hang on a sec," Craig said on the Phone before noticing that the Doctor has reentered the flat, "We've got a match today, pub league, we're one down if you fancy it?"
"Pub league? A drinking competition?" The Doctor asked him.
"No...football...play football?" Craig asked him.
"Football. Football! Yes, blokes play football! I'm good at football, I think," he answered.
"You've saved my life!" Craig said as he patted him on the cheek before speaking back into his phone, "I've got somebody. All right, see you down there. Hey, Soph."
"Hey, I thought I'd come early and meet your new flatmate," Sophie said as the Doctor went to the fridge and took out a carton of milk.
"Do you play, Sophie?" The Doctor asked as he drank from the carton.
"No, Soph just stands on the sidelines, she's my mascot," Craig answered.
"I'm your mascot? Mascot?!" Sophie said with surprise in her voice.
"Well, not my mascot, it's a football match, I can't take a date," Craig explained.
"I didn't say I was your date," Sophie told him.
"Neither did I," he told her and the three stood in an awkward silence for a few moments.
"Better get dressed," the Doctor said, breaking the silence as he handed Craig back his toothbrush as he headed back for his room.
"Oh, the spare kit's just in the bottom drawer," Craig told him.
"Bit of a mess," the Doctor said as he closed his bedroom door.
"What d'you think?" Craig asked Sophie.
"You didn't say he was gorgeous!" Sophie told him.
"He said that he has a wife named Rose but wouldn't tell why she ain't with him and only said that it was complicated," Craig told her when the Doctor suddenly opened the door to his room.
"You unlocked the door. How did you do that?" The Doctor asked Sophie, "Those are your keys, you must have left them last time you came here."
"Yeah, but I...How do you know these are my keys?" She asked him.
"I've been holding them!" Craig told her.
"I have got another set," Sophie explained.
"You've got two sets of keys to someone else's house?" The Doctor asked her.
"Yeah," she confirmed.
"I see! You must like it here too," he surmised as he closed his bedroom door.
"So I'm going out, if I hang about the house all the time, him upstairs might get suspicious, notice me," the Doctor told Amy and Rose as he changed into a blue jersey with the number eleven on it.
"Football, OK, well done, that is normal," Amy told him.
"Yeah, football, all outdoorsy," he told her over the Tardis's microphone as she held a magnifying glass in her hand while Rose was reading a book in Gallifreyan from the Library that would help them with their current situation.
"Now, football's the one with the sticks, isn't it?" He asked, causing Rose to giggle.
Please review.
And Should Jack pose as Mark Antony, one of Cleopatra's lovers in the Pandorica Opens when she, Jack and Jenny appear in the episode and should Jenny be their guard?