Dante lay defeated in the vast dark room. His body ached. His crotch hurt. A pool of sweat soaked him on the ground as he greedily sucked in oxygen. His entire world was pain. How many more babies did he have to have? And why were they all female? The girls he already knew liked to dump expensive clothes on his bill, he didn't need any more. He looked over to his left, where many, many women all sat pregnant with his children in the background. His stomach would have lurched if it didn't hurt so much.

Many of those women were writhing in pain themselves, as their feet were soaked in an acidic liquid. Their feet were generally unharmed, as the liquid did not burn through the flesh, however the mere sensation of it was deeply uncomfortable. It stung, and from where it came from...that was a horror unto itself.

Vergil was unharmed, but rather confused. Many, many weapons surrounded him, none of which he had ever used or even thought to use. A kusarigama, Urizen themed gauntlets and greaves, a violin, the entire Geryon horse, and an ugly sword, the supposed Devil Sword Vergil, lay in a circle around him. He clutched the Yamato.

"What do you want with me?"

"PICK!" A loud voice yelled. "You need some new weapons! You can't keep using the same things over and over again!"

"None of these fit me."

"YES THEY DO! I need new techniques to learn how to play you whenever I get my own console!"

Vergil shook his head. "What is the purpose of all this? Every woman in this world has fallen victim to your carnal desires. I am about to be an uncle to a continent's worth of nieces, none of whom have an individual identity and are born for the sole reason of being female.

"That's not all. Many other universes are facing collapse at your hands from overpopulation. Every time you enforce a couple to produce offspring, you are never satisfied until they have a daughter. If they have a son, you change the very fabric of time and force a female twin into existence. If they have two sons, you enforce a breeding rule to force them to have a daughter. Aside from that, the female Kamen Riders are starting to fall from exhaustion from the excessive amount of films and television you are forcing them to star in. Female K-Pop stars are now forced to learn English and perform private concerts in your quarters. What is your ulterior motive?"

His captor gripped his chair. "STOP RUINING MY FUN! YOU'RE DENYING MY VISION!"

His visage came into view under a light shining from above. A gigantic, extremely obese man with a beard covering his neck and a fedora on his head glared down at him. He wore a very tight shirt with the Canadian and Filipino flags imprinted on it. His eyes were crazed from the immense amount of feet pictures he had masturbated to. The words "female" and "daughter" were stamped to his arms and the acidic liquid that burned the women's feet drooled from his mouth.

"Don't talk back to me. I look up to you, you know. I relate to you."

"I am a man who lost everything in my pursuit of power. I have a long-standing rivalry with my brother and a traumatic background. If I had to guess, you are a manchild who neglects to leave his room and are obsessed with the opposite gender. You still have your family to look after you, but they are ashamed of who you are and only care for you because of your mental instability. Without them, you have nothing, and you are nothing."

"OH SHUT UP! You don't know how rough it is when the mods delete my posts all the time. I'm just trying to improve the characters' stories but no one wants to hear them. I need more power."

Vergil stared at him. "That sounds nothing like me."

"We are the same," the neckbeard breathed. "We strive for the same goals. Together we will get back at everyone that wronged us and rise above the mountain of torment that stands in our way."

"We will do no such thing."

"Oh shut up! Choose your weapon already, I have big plans for us. But first..."

He turned around in his chair and resumed typing into the ten different tabs of Reddit he had open. He simultaneously uploaded a post in each tab, all of which were about female Kamen Riders. However, with every new post, the communities he posted to grew wearier. The tension was building, as more users started to be made aware that the original poster was mainly interested in any fap material that they could so graciously provide.

A/N: For anyone confused on what this is, this is a shitpost I wrote and uploaded in between chapters 5 and 6. There are two others I wrote in that time frame and will upload in due time. I didn't intend to share them here, as none of them are part of The New Life and are just skits made to poke fun at someone that was actually influential to Vita's conceptualization and this very fanfic. This obviously isn't part of The New Life, nor was it intended as a bonus chapter, so take it as a joke with minimal relevance until a real one comes. I figured I should probably tell you the backstory of this fic's creation in segments rather than in an essay of an author's note in the final chapter. I know in the last chapter I said I regret coming off as hostile to random users, and that still holds true. The reason why I wrote this was because this individual is not deserving of sympathy, and his misbehavior extends beyond simply having a different opinion and could be of actual concern in real life.

Reddit user u/henshinslayer is infamous for incessantly, and I mean incessantly, spamming multiple subreddits over and over again every single day. For a whole year he was on r/DevilMayCry spamming about the same five to six topics. "How to fix and improve Kyrie for DMC6 (DMC666)?" "Should Patty become the new V? Choose what clothing style she should wear." "What character should have a daughter in DMC6 (DMC666)?" "If there was a 'daughter' character in the next game, who should it be the daughter of?" "Who should get with Dante and have a daughter with him?" "When will DMC6 (DMC666) be released? 2022? 2023? 2024? 2025?" "What new weapon should Vergil get? He better not have the same weapons again!" And so on and so. Fucking. On. Other posts, like comparing the Sparda family to the Joestars and asking who should be the "Giorno" of DMC, and how Mundus should look in a human form despite Mundus hating humans, weren't spammed as much because all this motherfucker ever wants to talk about is girls.

Other subs he frequented, like r/StreetFighter, r/MortalKombat, r/KamenRider, r/Tekken, and r/SoulCalibur, were victims to this as well. A prime topic in recent months was Juri's feet. He'd also ask K-Pop subs which singers were good at speaking English. He once claimed he was fighting for women's rights. Yeah, bull-fucking-shit. Aside from the fact that he only posts in entertainment subs nearly 24/7, anyone who claims that while fetishizing an entire gender is just a degenerate. Most people caught on to it and got annoyed with him also, however the Kamen Rider sub at one point unintentionally encouraged him due to their own self-congratulatory opinions on social issues when all he wanted was to seemingly jerk off to their comments agreeing with him regarding an underage girl.

He deleted his account after having some sort of mental breakdown when some users got fed up with him and told him to stop, where he told us we would all pay for "denying his vision" and that he would get his "revengeance" on us all. He eventually came back as u/revengeanceonall2021, then as u/revengeanceonall2022 (while it was still 2021 lmfao), then u/revice2100, then u/geats2200, and finally as u/henshinslayer354. Keep in mind this was in recent years and up to today. He has accounts on other Devil May Cry fan sites as henshinslayer dating back to 2007. Couple his very long internet age with his fetishization of feet of both young girls and grown women and you get the title of this chapter, which I censored just in case. This isn't hyperbole, although I wish it was.